声明:本书为八零电子书(txt80.com)的用户上传至本站的存储空间,本站只提供TXT全集电子书存储服务以及免费下载服务,以下作品内容之版权与本站无任何关系。 ---------------------------用户上传之内容开始-------------------------------- 查太莱夫人的情人(双语) 作者:戴·赫·劳伦斯 内容简介 《查太莱夫人的情人》是劳伦斯批判现代社会追求金钱、追求机器大生产而导致的人性冷漠与空虚的一本巨作。《查太莱夫人的情人》对于人们泛泛地谈论精神生活,却忽视最基本的人性的物质与肉体的需要进行了深入探讨。《查太莱夫人的情人》虽然命运坎坷,但终以其严肃的寓意、社会批判的主题、真切透辟的写实手法和细腻深刻的心理描写成为享誉世界的文学名著,并对现当代英国乃至西方文学产生了重大影响。 第一章 Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically. The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build up new little habitats, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard work: there is now no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or scramble over the obstacles. We've got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen. 置身悲惨时代已是不可改变的事实,因此我们更需保持乐观的态度。大难已然降临,身处残垣断壁之中,我们着手修建自己的小小家园,心怀微弱的新的希冀。这的确并非易事:通往未来的道路绝无坦途,但我们仍需曲折前行,攀过重重阻碍。即使天崩地裂,生活仍要继续。 This was more or less Constance Chatterley's position. The war had brought the roof down over her head. And she had realized that one must live and learn. 康斯坦斯·查泰莱夫人的境遇大致就是如此。战争给她带来塌天横祸。也让她意识到人必须活在世间,生而学之。 She married Clifford Chatterley in 1917, when he was home for a month on leave. They had a month's honeymoon. Then he went back to Flanders: to be shipped over to England again six months later, more or less in bits. Constance, his wife, was then twenty-three years old, and he was twenty-nine. 1917年,克利福德·查泰莱告了一个月的假,返回家乡,同康斯坦斯结了婚。两人得以共度一个月的新婚时光。之后,他再赴佛兰德,不想仅仅六个月过去,就被运回英格兰,几乎是遍体鳞伤。当时他29岁,妻子康斯坦斯23岁。 His hold on life was marvellous. He didn't die, and the bits seemed to grow together again. For two years he remained in the doctor's hands. Then he was pronounced a cure, and could return to life again, with the lower half of his body, from the hips down, paralysed for ever. 克利福德的求生欲望令人惊异。他居然活了下来,支离破碎的身体似乎也重新愈合了。医生花费整整两年的时光医治他,总算起到回春之效,克利福德好歹保住性命,只是腰部以下的下半身永远瘫痪了。 This was in 1920. They returned, Clifford and Constance, to his home, Wragby Hall, the family "seat". His father had died, Clifford was now a baronet, Sir Clifford, and Constance was Lady Chatterley. They came to start housekeeping and married life in the rather forlorn home of the Chatterleys on a rather inadequate income. Clifford had a sister, but she had departed. Otherwise there were no near relatives. The elder brother was dead in the war. Crippled for ever, knowing he could never have any children, Clifford came home to the smoky Midlands to keep the Chatterley name alive while he could. 时间已经是1920年。克利福德携康斯坦斯返回家乡,入住祖传的拉格比府。父亲已经辞世,克利福德承袭爵位,成为克利福德男爵,而康斯坦斯也成为查泰莱男爵夫人。置身于查泰莱家这座有点凄清的祖宅,夫妻俩操持家务,依靠稍显微薄的收入,过起日子来。克利福德有个姐姐,但已经离开。此外她们再无近亲。其兄死于战火。克利福德清楚自己注定终生残废,无望有后,重回烟雾缭绕的米德兰(注:英格兰中部地区的旧称),为的只是在自己的有生之年,让查泰莱家不至于断绝香火。 He was not really downcast. He could wheel himself about in a wheeled chair, and he had a bath-chair with a small motor attachment, so he could drive himself slowly round the garden and into the line melancholy park, of which he was really so proud, though he pretended to be flippant about it. 他并未因此而十分郁郁寡欢。他可以摇着轮椅,四处游逛,而驾着那个装有小型马达的巴斯轮椅(注:旧时一种供残疾人使用的轮椅,多带有蓬盖),更能够悠哉游哉地在花园中徜徉,进入那片树木成行、凄清阴郁的庭院中去。拥有如此气派的园林,他其实颇为得意,只是装出一副满不在乎的模样而已。 Having suffered so much, the capacity for suffering had to some extent left him. He remained strange and bright and cheerful, almost, one might say, chirpy, with his ruddy, healthy-looking face, arid his pale-blue, challenging bright eyes. His shoulders were broad and strong, his hands were very strong. He was expensively dressed, and wore handsome neckties from Bond Street. Yet still in his face one saw the watchful look, the slight vacancy of a cripple. 经历诸多苦难,克利福德对痛苦的承受能力有点离他而去。他依然古怪,总是满面春风,笑逐颜开,脸色健康红润,淡蓝色的双眸神采奕奕,说他是乐天派也不为过。其双肩宽厚强壮,两手结实有力。其人衣着华贵,颈部总系着邦德街(注:位于伦敦西部上流住宅区的一条商业街,从18世纪繁盛至今)买回的漂亮的领带。但从他的脸上,还是能看到那种残疾人特有的警惕表情,以及略显空洞的眼神。 He had so very nearly lost his life, that what remained was wonderfully precious to him. It was obvious in the anxious brightness of his eyes, how proud he was, after the great shock, of being alive. But he had been so much hurt that something inside him had perished, some of his feelings had gone. There was a blank of insentience. 他曾去鬼门关走过一遭,因此对余生倍加珍视。一双明眸分明闪烁着焦虑,流露出对自己大难不死的得意神色。但所受的创伤确实太过深重,他内心的某些东西已然泯灭,某些情感也都消失不见了。只有失去知觉后的空白。 Constance, his wife, was a ruddy, country-looking girl with soft brown hair and sturdy body, and slow movements, full of unusual energy. She had big, wondering eyes, and a soft mild voice, and seemed just to have come from her native village. It was not so at all. Her father was the once well-known R.A., old Sir Malcolm Reid. Her mother had been one of the cultivated Fabians in the palmy, rather pre-Raphaelite days. Between artists and cultured socialists, Constance and her sister Hilda had had what might be called an aesthetically unconventional upbringing. They had been taken to Paris and Florence and Rome to breathe in art, and they had been taken also in the other direction, to the Hague and Berlin, to great Socialist conventions, where the speakers spoke in every civilized tongue, and no one was abashed. 其妻康斯坦斯,面若桃花,一副乡下姑娘的模样,满头柔软的棕发,体格结实强壮,行动慢条斯理,精力异常充沛。她那一对杏眼,充满好奇,嗓音温软,像是刚从故乡的村子里走出。但事实并非如此。其父老马尔科姆·里德爵士,曾是尽人皆知的皇家艺术学会(注:位于英国伦敦的著名艺术机构)会员。在那段前拉斐尔派(注:1848年在英国兴起的美术改革运动,对后世的英国绘画有着深远的影响)还如日中天的繁荣时期,其母也是位学识渊博的费边社(注:英国社会改良主义团体,1884年成立于伦敦,主张采取缓慢渐进的策略来达到社会改良的目的)社员。受到艺术家及有教养的社会主义者的熏陶,康斯坦斯与妹妹希尔达可以算是受到了新颖的美学上的教养。她们曾随父母到过巴黎、佛罗伦萨以及罗马,呼吸那里的艺术气息,也去过海牙与柏林,参与社会主义者的盛会,在那里形形色色的演说者操着各国语言,谈吐文雅,举止大方? The two girls, therefore, were from an early age not the least daunted by either art or ideal politics. It was their natural atmosphere. They were at once cosmopolitan and provincial, with the cosmopolitan provincialism of art that goes with pure social ideals. 对于艺术或者理想主义政治,姐妹俩从小就没有半点胆怯之心。她们反倒对此习以为常。她们大气广博,又不失乡土本色,她们那交融着世界性及地方色彩的艺术品味,与纯粹的社会理想相辅相成。 They had been sent to Dresden at the age of fifteen, for music among other things. And they had had a good time there. They lived freely among the students, they argued with the men over philosophical, sociological and artistic matters, they were just as good as the men themselves: only better, since they were women. And they tramped off to the forests with sturdy youths bearing guitars, twang-twang! They sang the Wandervogel songs, and they were free. Free! That was the great word. Out in the open world, out in the forests of the morning, with lusty and splendid-throated young fellows, free to do as they liked, and—above all—to say what they liked. It was the talk that mattered supremely: the impassioned interchange of talk. Love was only a minor accompaniment. 15岁时,她们被送往德累斯顿(注:德国中东部城市),学习音乐和其他知识。她们在那里度过了愉快的时光。学校的生活是那样的无拘无束,她们常与男同学争论哲学、社会学以及艺术方面的问题。姐妹俩的学识丝毫不逊男子,甚至更胜一筹——因为她们是女子。当她们相伴在林间漫步时,同行的英挺少年总会不时拨响随身携带的六弦琴,砰砰作响!高唱起候鸟协会(注:德语,意为候鸟,此处指119世纪末20世纪初的德国青年运动,倡导摆脱社会的限制,返璞归真,追求自由)的歌谣,如此地自由自在。自由!多么美妙的字眼。在空旷的野外,在清晨的森林,与歌喉动人的欢快少年们自由地做喜欢的事情,尤其是畅所欲言。谈话无疑极为重要,那热情洋溢的交谈。爱情不过是微不足道的陪衬。 Both Hilda and Constance had had their tentative love-affairs by the time they were eighteen. The young men with whom they talked so passionately and sang so lustily and camped under the trees in such freedom wanted, of course, the love connexion. The girls were doubtful, but then the thing was so much talked about, it was supposed to be so important. And the men were so humble and craving. Why couldn't a girl be queenly, and give the gift of herself? So they had given the gift of themselves, each to the youth with whom she had the most subtle and intimate arguments. The arguments, the discussions were the great thing: the love-making and connexion were only a sort of primitive reversion and a bit of an anti-climax. One was less in love with the boy afterwards, and a little inclined to hate him, as if he had trespassed on one's privacy and inner freedom. For, of course, being a girl, one's whole dignity and meaning in life consisted in the achievement of an absolute, a perfect, a pure and noble freedom. What else did a girl's life mean? To shake off the old and sordid connexions and subjections. 希尔达和康斯坦斯均在18岁时初尝爱情的滋味。和她们热烈交谈,纵情欢唱,在树下自由露营的小伙子们自然会对肌肤之亲充满渴望。女孩们起初犹豫未决,但关于此事,双方已经探讨过多次,均认为它如此重要。况且小伙子们又是如此低声下气地渴求。为什么女孩不能如女王施恩一般,将自己赐予对方呢?于是两人都委身于谈论问题时与自己最为交心,关系最为亲密的少年。高谈阔论,据理力争,才是举足轻重之事,而男女之欢不过是种回归原始的行为,甚至有点扫兴。云雨过后,女孩对男孩的爱意反倒减少了,甚至生出些许怨恨,仿佛是他侵犯了自己的私隐,以及内在的自由。因为身为女子,全部的尊严,以及生存的真谛,都自然在于自由的实现,这种自由无可挑剔,尽善尽美,难觅瑕疵,高贵无比。女子的一生除此之外还有什么意义?是摆脱陈腐的、可鄙的交媾和从属关系。 And however one might sentimentalize it, this sex business was one of the most ancient, sordid connexions and subjections. Poets who glorified it were mostly men. Women had always known there was something better, something higher. And now they knew it more definitely than ever. The beautiful pure freedom of a woman was infinitely more wonderful than any sexual love. The only unfortunate thing was that men lagged so far behind women in the matter. They insisted on the sex thing like dogs. 无论被赋予多少浪漫情怀,性事仍是一种古老的、污秽的交合行为和从属关系。歌颂性爱的诗人多是男子。女子却往往深知,世间还存在着更加美好、更加崇高的事物。而如今,这种信念比以往还要明确许多。对于女人而言,完美纯粹的自由如此令人向往,而这是任何性爱都无法企及的。不过糟糕的是,男人对此事的观念依旧停滞落后。他们对性的强烈需求,与兽类无异。 And a woman had to yield. A man was like a child with his appetites. A woman had to yield him what he wanted, or like a child he would probably turn nasty and flounce away and spoil what was a very pleasant connexion. But a woman could yield to a man without yielding her inner, free self. That the poets and talkers about sex did not seem to have taken sufficiently into account. A woman could take a man without really giving herself away. Certainly she could take him without giving herself into his power. Rather she could use this sex thing to have power over him. For she only had to hold herself back in sexual intercourse, and let him finish and expend himself without herself coming to the crisis: and then she could prolong the connexion and achieve her orgasm and her crisis while he was merely her tool. 女子只得委曲求全。男人好似贪嘴的孩童。当女人不肯屈就于他们的欲望时,他们就可能会摆出臭脸,盛怒而去,活脱脱像个孩子,将原本融洽的关系搞得一团糟。但女人就算屈从于男子,仍可以保有心底自由的真我。那些乐谈性事的诗人和谈论者,好像没有对这给予充分说明。即使委身于人,女子仍能不流露自己内心的真实情感,自然也能做到不受对方的掌控。相反,她们甚至可以巧妙地利用性事,将男人玩弄于股掌之中。她们只须在交媾时抑制住自己的情绪,避免高潮的到来,等到对方弹药耗尽、丢盔卸甲后,就可以将欢好时间延长,享受极度的快感,而此时男人扮演的角色只不过是她的纵欲工具。 Both sisters had had their love experience by the time the war came, and they were hurried home. Neither was ever in love with a young man unless he and she were verbally very near: that is unless they were profoundly interested, TALKING to one another. The amazing, the profound, the unbelievable thrill there was in passionately talking to some really clever young man by the hour, resuming day after day for months… this they had never realized till it happened! The paradisal promise: Thou shalt have men to talk to!—had never been uttered. It was fulfilled before they knew what a promise it was. 战火燃起,姐妹俩匆匆赶回家,而在此之前,两人都已有过恋爱的经验。陷入爱河,皆因双方能够倾心交谈,彼此深有好感,愿意互诉衷肠。数月间,能与颖悟绝伦的少男时以继时,日以继日地忘情交谈,那种兴奋的感受真是美妙至极、深奥莫测、难以置信……而这些只有在亲身经历过后,才能真正认识得到。神的许诺:尔将交到可以交心的男子!——从未透露,这个许诺却在恋人们尚未知晓之前,就已兑现。 And if after the roused intimacy of these vivid and soul-enlightened discussions the sex thing became more or less inevitable, then let it. It marked the end of a chapter. It had a thrill of its own too: a queer vibrating thrill inside the body, a final spasm of self-assertion, like the last word, exciting, and very like the row of asterisks that can be put to show the end of a paragraph, and a break in the theme. 生动的、启迪灵魂的交谈,使恋人间的关系变得亲昵,若此时云情雨意已无法抑制,那就不妨顺其自然。这标志着一个篇章的终结。其本身也伴随着强烈的快感:肉体深处莫可名状的震颤,最终释放欲望时的痉挛,像是文章末尾激奋人心的字眼,更像是段落结尾处一连串的星号,预示着主题思想戛然而止。 When the girls came home for the summer holidays of 1913, when Hilda was twenty and Connie eighteen, their father could see plainly that they had had the love experience. 适逢1913年暑期,姐妹俩返回故乡,那时希尔达20岁,康妮18岁,其父一眼便看出她们已经有了爱情经验。 L'amour avait possé par là, as somebody puts it. But he was a man of experience himself, and let life take its course. As for the mother, a nervous invalid in the last few months of her life, she wanted her girls to be "free", and to "fulfil themselves". She herself had never been able to be altogether herself: it had been denied her. Heaven knows why, for she was a woman who had her own income and her own way. She blamed her husband. But as a matter of fact, it was some old impression of authority on her own mind or soul that she could not get rid of. It had nothing to do with Sir Malcolm, who left his nervously hostile, high-spirited wife to rule her own roost, while he went his own way. 正如某人所说:爱情已经来临过。然而他自己已是过来人,索性听之任之。至于她们的母亲,疯疯癫癫的她已经时日无多,只剩几个月的活头,期望女儿们能够“自由自在”,“充实自我”。她从未做过真正的自己,这个权利被剥夺了。天晓得原因为何,毕竟她是个经济独立、行事果敢的女子。她归咎于自己的丈夫。但事实上,只是陈腐的伦常对其思想或灵魂的影响太过深重,以至于她始终都无法摆脱出来。这跟马尔科姆爵士绝无半点干系。他对妻子神经质的敌视和执着熟视无睹,心安理得地我行我素。 So the girls were 'free', and went back to Dresden, and their music, and the university and the young men. They loved their respective young men, and their respective young men loved them with all the passion of mental attraction. All the wonderful things the young men thought and expressed and wrote, they thought and expressed and wrote for the young women. Connie's young man was musical, Hilda's was technical. But they simply lived for their young women. In their minds and their mental excitements, that is. Somewhere else they were a little rebuffed, though they did not know it. 姐妹俩自然不会受到什么约束,她们再赴德累斯顿,回归高校继续研修音乐,也得以重返年轻的情郎的怀抱。两对恋人都全身心地深爱着彼此。少男们所想、所说、所写的一切美妙事物,全都是为了自己心爱的女孩。康妮的爱郎学习音乐,而希尔达的则主修理工。但他们生活的重心完全放在自己的恋人身上。更确切地说,从思想及情感方面来讲尤是如此。而在其他方面,他们却并未被完全接受,虽说二人始终没有察觉到这一点。 It was obvious in them too that love had gone through them: that is, the physical experience. It is curious what a subtle but unmistakable transmutation it makes, both in the body of men and women: the woman more blooming, more subtly rounded, her young angularities softened, and her expression either anxious or triumphant: the man much quieter, more inward, the very shapes of his shoulders and his buttocks less assertive, more hesitant. 显而易见,爱情,干柴烈火的肉体之爱,已经在她俩身上留下痕迹。奇妙的是,肉体之爱会让情侣们的身体发生细微但却显而易见的变化:女孩变得更加丰腴圆润,好似盛放的花朵,少女时期的棱角渐渐被磨平,取而代之的是抑或忧心忡忡,抑或洋洋得意的丰富表情;男孩则变得更加沉静内敛,肩膀和臀部的线条少了几分斩钉截铁,多了几分犹豫不决。 In the actual sex-thrill within the body, the sisters nearly succumbed to the strange male power. But quickly they recovered themselves, took the sex-thrill as a sensation, and remained free. Whereas the men, in gratitude to the woman for the sex experience, let their souls go out to her. And afterwards looked rather as if they had lost a shilling and found sixpence. Connie's man could be a bit sulky, and Hilda's a bit jeering. But that is how men are! Ungrateful and never satisfied. When you don't have them they hate you because you won't; and when you do have them they hate you again, for some other reason. 身体内部真切的性快感,让姐妹俩几乎要对男性的奇异力量俯首称臣。但二人旋即重拾自我,将性快感归于官能的刺激,坚守着心灵的自由。反观她们的情郎,却因为对佳人以身相许心存感念,将灵魂也尽数交托给对方。但过不多时,他们就发觉这似乎有些得不偿失。康妮的爱侣不时板起脸孔,而希尔达的则经常冷嘲热讽。男人就是这副臭德行!薄情寡幸,贪得无厌。对其敬而远之,他们便心生怨恨;与其如胶似漆,也会招致其他缘由的厌烦。 Or for no reason at all, except that they are discontented children, and can't be satisfied whatever they get, let a woman do what she may. 或是根本没有因由,他们只是牢骚满腹的孩子,无论得到什么,无论女子付出再多,也不会感到满足。 However, came the war, Hilda and Connie were rushed home again after having been home already in May, to their mother's funeral. Before Christmas of 1914 both their German young men were dead: whereupon the sisters wept, and loved the young men passionately, but underneath forgot them. They didn't exist any more. 大战烽火燃起,希尔达和康妮被迫再度匆忙返乡避祸,那年五月,她们就曾回过家,为了料理母亲的后事。1914年圣诞节来临前,两人的德国情郎双双殒命,为此姐妹俩垂泪许久,毕竟彼此间有过轰轰烈烈的爱情,但在心底却已渐渐将他们遗忘。毕竟已是阴阳相隔。 Both sisters lived in their father's, really their mother's, Kensington housemixed with the young Cambridge group, the group that stood for 'freedom' and flannel trousers, and flannel shirts open at the neck, and a well-bred sort of emotional anarchy, and a whispering, murmuring sort of voice, and an ultra-sensitive sort of manner. Hilda, however, suddenly married a man ten years older than herself, an elder member of the same Cambridge group, a man with a fair amount of money, and a comfortable family job in the government: he also wrote philosophical essays. She lived with him in a smallish house in Westminster, and moved in that good sort of society of people in the government who are not tip-toppers, but who are, or would be, the real intelligent power in the nation: people who know what they're talking about, or talk as if they did. 姐妹俩住进肯辛顿(注:位于伦敦西部的行政区划)父亲家里,确切地讲,那里本来属于母亲,与剑桥大学学生团体的年轻成员们混居一处。这些家伙都标榜“自由”,穿法兰绒开领衫,配法兰绒长裤,满腹教养,笃信情感无政府主义,嗓音低沉含混,仪态反应异常灵敏。没料想,希尔达突然成婚,丈夫比她年长十岁,是该学生团体的资深成员,家财殷实,在政府中充当僚属,也常写点哲学文章。她跟随丈夫,住进威斯敏斯特一处不大的寓所,交往的都是政府阶层,虽说算不得头面人物,但也都是或者将会成为英国的真正智囊。他们知道自己在谈论些什么,或者装作自己无所不知。 Connie did a mild form of war-work, and consorted with the flannel-trousers Cambridge intransigents, who gently mocked at everything, so far. Her "friend" was a Clifford Chatterley, a young man of twenty-two, who had hurried home from Bonn, where he was studying the technicalities of coal-mining. He had previously spent two years at Cambridge. Now he had become a first lieutenant in a smart regiment, so he could mock at everything more becomingly in uniform. 康妮得到份清闲的战时工作,常与那些穿法兰绒长裤的剑桥学生为伴,他们有着独立的政治见解,总会措辞文雅地揶揄时事。她的“男友”名叫克利福德·查泰莱,时年22岁,当时正在德国波恩学习煤矿开采技术,刚刚匆忙赶回英伦。此前,他在剑桥修习过两年。如今则是一个厉害的军团里的陆军中尉,身着军装,更可以随意睥睨一切了。 Clifford Chatterley was more upper-class than Connie. Connie was well-to-do intelligentsia, but he was aristocracy. Not the big sort, but still it. His father was a baronet, and his mother had been a viscount's daughter. 克利福德·查泰莱的出身高过康妮。康妮出自富裕的知识分子家庭,而他却属于贵族阶层。虽说不是名门显族,但仍然沾得上边。其父为准男爵,其母未出阁时,也是子爵家的千金。 But Clifford, while he was better bred than Connie, and more "society", was in his own way more provincial and more timid. He was at his ease in the narrow "great world", that is, landed aristocracy society, but he was shy and nervous of all that other big world which consists of the vast hordes of the middle and lower classes, and foreigners. If the truth must be told, he was just a little bit frightened of middle-and lower-class humanity, and of foreigners not of his own class. He was, in some paralysing way, conscious of his own defencelessness, though he had all the defence of privilege. Which is curious, but a phenomenon of our day. 虽说克利福德的教养及身份都优于康妮,但却更加狭隘羞怯。置身狭小的“上流社会”——地主贵族阶层,他尚且感觉自在,但一旦与其他阶层——包括人数众多的中产阶级、下层民众、甚至外国人相处,他便羞怯不前,紧张兮兮。说白了,他对中低阶层的人们有些心怀畏惧,对并非贵族的外国人也有些抵触。虽然享有的特权都得到极力捍卫,但他仍然会觉得自己有些麻木但又惶惑无助。这种现象的确怪异,但却真实存在于我们这个时代。 Therefore the peculiar soft assurance of a girl like Constance Reid fascinated him. She was so much more mistress of herself in that outer world of chaos than he was master of himself. 也难怪康斯坦斯·里德那份与众不同的温婉自得,让他深深着迷。身处纷乱复杂的外部世界中,康妮显得更加镇定自若,这点远非他所能比。 Nevertheless he too was a rebel: rebelling even against his class. Or perhaps rebel is too strong a word; far too strong. He was only caught in the general, popular recoil of the young against convention and against any sort of real authority. Fathers were ridiculous: his own obstinate one supremely so. And governments were ridiculous: our own wait-and-see sort especially so. And armies were ridiculous, and old buffers of generals altogether, the red-faced Kitchener supremely. Even the war was ridiculous, though it did kill rather a lot of people. 然而,他同样是个离经叛道者,甚至公然对抗自己的阶级。或许离经叛道这个词过于强烈,太过激烈。他不过是跟普通青年大众一样愤世嫉俗,反对传统,挑战任何形式的权威。父辈们都是愚蠢可笑的,他那位冥顽不灵的父亲尤是如此。政府当局都是极端荒谬的,总是抱有投机心理的英国政府尤是如此。军队都是荒唐透顶的,那些垂垂老矣的将军们,面色酡红的基奇纳(注:1850-1916,英国陆军元帅,在一战前期起到过举足轻重的作用。)尤是如此。甚至战争本身都是毫无意义的,虽然成千上万的人们因它而丢掉性命。 In fact everything was a little ridiculous, or very ridiculous: certainly everything connected with authority, whether it were in the army or the government or the universities, was ridiculous to a degree. 事实上,世间万物都有些荒诞的色彩,或者说是非常荒诞,尤其是所有与权威相关的东西,无论是军队、政府或者高等院校,无一例外地荒诞至极。 And as far as the governing class made any pretensions to govern, they were ridiculous too. Sir Geoffrey, Clifford's father, was intensely ridiculous, chopping down his trees, and weeding men out of his colliery to shove them into the war; and himself being so safe and patriotic; but, also, spending more money on his country than he'd got. 至于那些自命不凡的统治阶层,同样是值得奚落的对象。克利福德的父亲,杰弗里爵士,更是荒唐到极点。他伐尽园中的树木,将自家矿场里的工人一股脑地赶上前线,而自己则在后方高枕无忧,高喊救国口号,不过,他也确实为国家慷慨解囊,甚至到了入不敷出的地步。 When Miss Chatterley—Emma—came down to London from the Midlands to do some nursing work, she was very witty in a quiet way about Sir Geoffrey and his determined patriotism. Herbert, the elder brother and heir, laughed outright, though it was his trees that were falling for trench props. But Clifford only smiled a little uneasily. Everything was ridiculous, quite true. But when it came too close and oneself became ridiculous too...? At least people of a different class, like Connie, were earnest about something. They believed in something. 查泰莱家的大小姐艾玛,从中部地区南下伦敦,从事一些医护工作,动身前,就曾气定神闲地对父亲和他那坚定不移的爱国主义大加调侃。而身为继承人的长兄赫伯特,当场报以大笑,虽然那些被砍伐用以修筑战壕的树木是他的财产。而克利福德只是露出点局促不安的微笑。一切都是足可嘲笑的对象,这一点毫无疑问。但当自己身临其境,是否也会沦为笑柄呢……?至少非贵族阶层的人们,比如康妮,还能以诚挚的态度来对待某些事情。他们的心中还存有信仰。 They were rather earnest about the Tommies, and the threat of conscription, and the shortage of sugar and toffee for the children. In all these things, of course, the authorities were ridiculously at fault. But Clifford could not take it to heart. To him the authorities were ridiculous AB OVO, not because of toffee or Tommies. 他们极为关心前线的英国兵,对征兵的威胁感到忧心忡忡,而食糖和乳糖的短缺给孩童们造成的影响,同样让他们惴惴不安。当然,所有这些事的罪魁祸首,是荒唐的当局政府。但克利福德却始终并未因此感到困扰。对他而言,无能的政府才是罪恶的根源,而供应不足的糖果或是浴血奋战的士兵,都并非症结所在。 And the authorities felt ridiculous, and behaved in a rather ridiculous fashion, and it was all a mad hatter's tea-party for a while. Till things developed over there, and Lloyd George came to save the situation over here. And this surpassed even ridicule, the flippant young laughed no more. 连当权者自己也觉得有些荒唐,但其所作所为依然愚蠢透顶,一时间活像是场疯狂的茶话会。直到前方战事日趋紧张,此时劳埃德·乔治(注:英国政治家,1916-1922年任英国首相,对一战的胜利以及战后的欧洲重建,起到过至关重要的作用。)走马上任,才算挽回国内的危局。而这些已经超越可笑的范畴,连愤世嫉俗的青年们也乖乖闭上了嘴。 In 1916 Herbert Chatterley was killed, so Clifford became heir. He was terrified even of this. His importance as son of Sir Geoffrey, and child of Wragby, was so ingrained in him, he could never escape it. And yet he knew that this too, in the eyes of the vast seething world, was ridiculous. Now he was heir and responsible for Wragby. Was that not terrible? and also splendid and at the same time, perhaps, purely absurd? Sir Geoffrey would have none of the absurdity. He was pale and tense, withdrawn into himself, and obstinately determined to save his country and his own position, let it be Lloyd George or who it might. So cut off he was, so divorced from the England that was really England, so utterly incapable, that he even thought well of Horatio Bottomley. Sir Geoffrey stood for England and Lloyd George as his forebears had stood for England and St. George: and he never knew there was a difference. So Sir Geoffrey felled timber and stood for Lloyd George and England, England and Lloyd George. 1916年,赫伯特·查泰莱阵亡,于是克利福德成为继承人。他甚至因此而感到害怕。他深知作为杰弗里爵士的子嗣、拉格比的少主,有着多么重要的意义,他无法回避自己所需肩负的责任。他也清楚这些在广大的处于水深火热中的人们看来,是多么地不着边际。现在他已经成为继承人,要对拉格比负责。这难道不会使人心生畏惧么?充分体验到满足感的同时,当事人同时也会觉得荒谬透顶。但杰弗里爵士却丝毫感觉不到任何荒谬的意味。他面色苍白,总是一副紧张兮兮的神情,一门心思决心拯救他的国家,保住自己的贵族地位。至于在位的究竟是劳埃德·乔治,或是别的什么人,对他而言毫无干系。身处与世隔绝的境地,他跟当今的现实英国社会完全脱节,因此根本就是心有余而力不足,这位爵爷甚至对霍雷肖·博顿利(注:1860-1933,英国金融家,政治骗子,内阁成员)评价颇高。杰弗里爵士支持英国及劳埃德·乔治,与他的先辈拥护祖国和圣乔治(注:260-303,罗马骑兵军官,死后被英格兰等欧洲国家奉为保护圣徒)别无二致,他从来搞不清其中有什么差异。因此,他伐倒自家的树木,为的只是支持劳埃德·乔治与英国,英国与劳埃德·乔治。 And he wanted Clifford to marry and produce an heir. Clifford felt his father was a hopeless anachronism. But wherein was he himself any further ahead, except in a wincing sense of the ridiculousness of everything, and the paramount ridiculousness of his own position? For willy-nilly he took his baronetcy and Wragby with the last seriousness. 他希望克利福德早日成家,传宗接代。而在克利福德眼中,父亲是个不可救药的脱离时代的老顽固。但他自己除了对一切事物的荒谬,尤其是自己处境的极端荒谬怀有畏缩之意外,并没有什么地方强过父亲。被迫也好,自愿也罢,他最终还是郑重其事地接受了准男爵爵位以及拉格比的财产。 The gay excitement had gone out of the war...dead. Too much death and horror. A man needed support and comfort. A man needed to have an anchor in the safe world. A man needed a wife. 战争初期的狂热已经烟消云散,灰飞烟灭。死亡人数不断攀升,血色恐惧肆意弥漫。男人们需要支持和抚慰。需要在战火未曾波及的所在,找到可以依赖的支点。需要个知疼知热的妻子。 The Chatterleys, two brothers and a sister, had lived curiously isolated, shut in with one another at Wragby, in spite of all their connexions. A sense of isolation intensified the family tie, a sense of the weakness of their position, a sense of defencelessness, in spite of, or because of, the title and the land. They were cut off from those industrial Midlands in which they passed their lives. And they were cut off from their own class by the brooding, obstinate, shut-up nature of Sir Geoffrey, their father, whom they ridiculed, but whom they were so sensitive about. 查泰莱三兄妹虽认识的人不少,但在拉格比却过着奇怪的、与世隔绝的生活,把自己封锁起来。内心的孤独将亲情的纽带系得更紧,虽然他们拥有爵位和土地,但或许正因为此,才会忧心地位不保,感到莫名的无助。虽然生活在工业化的米德兰地区,但他们却与外部世界阻隔开来。他们甚至与同阶层的人们也不相往来,这都拜其父杰弗里爵士所赐,他那阴郁倔强、沉默寡言的性格让人敬而远之。虽然兄妹三人总是将父亲作为奚落的对象,但心里却又很在意他。 The three had said they would all live together always. But now Herbert was dead, and Sir Geoffrey wanted Clifford to marry. Sir Geoffrey barely mentioned it: he spoke very little. But his silent, brooding insistence that it should be so was hard for Clifford to bear up against. 他们甚至承诺过彼此永不分离。但如今,赫伯特已不在人世,杰弗里爵士希望克利福德成家立室。他极少提及此事,因为本来就鲜于言辞。但他总是默不作声,郁郁寡欢,却又固执己见,使得克利福德根本无力反抗。 But Emma said No! She was ten years older than Clifford, and she felt his marrying would be a desertion and a betrayal of what the young ones of the family had stood for. 但是艾玛却反对弟弟的婚事!她长克利福德十岁,认为弟弟娶妻就是将自己弃之不顾,违背了他们昔日的约誓。 Clifford married Connie, nevertheless, and had his month's honeymoon with her. It was the terrible year 1917, and they were intimate as two people who stand together on a sinking ship. He had been virgin when he married: and the sex part did not mean much to him. They were so close, he and she, apart from that. And Connie exulted a little in this intimacy which was beyond sex, and beyond a man's "satisfaction". Clifford anyhow was not just keen on his 'satisfaction', as so many men seemed to be. No, the intimacy was deeper, more personal than that. And sex was merely an accident, or an adjunct, one of the curious obsolete, organic processes which persisted in its own clumsiness, but was not really necessary. Though Connie did want children: if only to fortify her against her sister-in-law Emma. 尽管如此,克利福德仍与康妮完婚,共渡蜜月。那时正值兵荒马乱的1917年,小两口好似矗立在行将沉没的船舶之上一样亲密无间、不肯分离。结婚时克利福德还是童子之身,而性爱对他而言形同鸡肋。除此之外两人爱得如胶似漆。这种与性事和男子欲望满足无关的亲密,让康妮欣喜若狂。克利福德并不像许多男人那般,沉迷于他的欲望满足之中。或者应该这样说,这种情感远比单纯的性爱更笃厚,更私密。而性事只能偶尔为之,或当成某种点缀,那只是一种奇妙的却又过气笨拙的器官交合的过程,并非不可或缺。康妮渴望生下一儿半女,以此来巩固自己的地位,对抗丈夫的姐姐艾玛。 But early in 1918 Clifford was shipped home smashed, and there was no child. And Sir Geoffrey died of chagrin. 但天不遂人愿,1918年年初,遍体鳞伤的克利福德被送回国内,留下子嗣的希望随之泯灭。杰弗里爵士也郁郁而终。 第二章 Connie and Clifford came home to Wragby in the autumn of 1920. Miss Chatterley, still disgusted at her brother's defection, had departed and was living in a little flat in London. 1920年秋,康妮随克利福德返回格拉比家中。而爱玛则仍因弟弟的背信弃义而忿忿不平,离家住进伦敦的一所小公寓。 Wragby was a long low old house in brown stone, begun about the middle of the eighteenth century, and added on to, till it was a warren of a place without much distinction. 拉格比府是座狭长低矮的旧宅,用褐色岩石堆砌而成,始建于18世纪中叶,后来几经扩建,直至变成一个其貌不扬、迷宫般的场所。 It stood on an eminence in a rather line old park of oak trees, but alas, one could see in the near distance the chimney of Tevershall pit, with its clouds of steam and smoke, and on the damp, hazy distance of the hill the raw straggle of Tevershall village, a village which began almost at the park gates, and trailed in utter hopeless ugliness for a long and gruesome mile: houses, rows of wretched, small, begrimed, brick houses, with black slate roofs for lids, sharp angles and wilful, blank dreariness. 它矗立在高岗之上,周围为栽满橡树的古老园林所环抱,但可惜的是,依然能看到不远处特弗沙尔矿坑烟囱,以及它吐出的团团蒸汽和浓烟。而在潮湿山坡上散落着的特弗沙尔村也依稀可见。那村落从园林门外起绵延长达一英里的距离,展现出赤裸裸、无可救药的丑陋图景。房屋,一排排肮脏污秽的低矮砖房,黑石板搭盖的顶棚,尖锐的棱角,肆意地透露着难言的凄凉氛围。 Connie was accustomed to Kensington or the Scotch hills or the Sussex downs: that was her England. With the stoicism of the young she took in the utter, soulless ugliness of the coal-and-iron Midlands at a glance, and left it at what it was: unbelievable and not to be thought about. From the rather dismal rooms at Wragby she heard the rattle-rattle of the screens at the pit, the puff of the winding-engine, the clink-clink of shunting trucks, and the hoarse little whistle of the colliery locomotives. Tevershall pit-bank was burning, had been burning for years, and it would cost thousands to put it out. So it had to burn. And when the wind was that way, which was often, the house was full of the stench of this sulphurous combustion of the earth's excrement. But even on windless days the air always smelt of something under-earth: sulphur, iron, coal, or acid. And even on the Christmas roses the smuts settled persistently, incredible, like black manna from the skies of doom. 康妮习惯了肯辛顿的生活,看惯了苏格兰式的高地,或是萨塞克斯(注:英国南部一郡,濒临英吉利海峡)的丘陵:那才是她心目中的英格兰。她以年轻人那种淡然的目光审视过煤铁矿林立的米德兰,将那种缺少灵魂的、如假包换的丑陋尽收眼底,之后便听之任之。她不愿相信它的存在,更加不想费神去思索。置身于拉格比府阴森森的房间里,康妮听到矿坑筛煤机的咔嗒声、卷扬机的噗噗声、载重卡车的叮当声、以及运煤机车汽笛的嘶鸣声。特弗沙尔矿坑口依然烈焰滚滚,将其扑灭想必需要花费大笔金钱。所以只好任它继续燃烧。每逢常见的顺风天气,格拉比府就会充溢着难闻的恶臭,那是腐土遇硫磺燃烧而产生的气味。甚至是无风的日子,空气中也充斥着来自地底的味道:硫磺、煤铁、或是酸性物质。就连圣诞蔷薇上也不可思议地经年附满煤尘,好似厄日天空降下的黑色甘露。 Well, there it was: fated like the rest of things! It was rather awful, but why kick? You couldn't kick it away. It just went on. Life, like all the rest! On the low dark ceiling of cloud at night red blotches burned and quavered, dappling and swelling and contracting, like burns that give pain. It was the furnaces. At first they fascinated Connie with a sort of horror; Then she got used to them. And in the morning it rained. 没错,事实就是如此,一切都是命中注定!虽然令人生畏,但抗争又有什么意义呢?摆脱命运的束缚如同痴人说梦。它仍会循路而行。生活也同样如此!夜晚黑压压的低矮云层中,燃烧着的斑驳的红点不断颤动,时而膨胀,时而收缩,如同让人疼痛难忍的灼伤。那是矿区炼煤的高炉。起初,康妮曾因此被某种恐惧攫住,但后来也渐渐习惯了这一切。早晨的时候,天下起了雨来。 Clifford professed to like Wragby better than London. This country had a grim will of its own, and the people had guts. Connie wondered what else they had: certainly neither eyes nor minds. The people were as haggard, shapeless, and dreary as the countryside, and as unfriendly. Only there was something in their deep-mouthed slurring of the dialect, and the thresh-thresh of their hob-nailed pit-boots as they trailed home in gangs on the asphalt from work, that was terrible and a bit mysterious. 克利福德声称比起伦敦,他还是更加青睐拉格比。这里拥有独树一帜的顽强意志,民众个个胆识过人。康妮怀疑除此以外,他们还有什么,高瞻远瞩和真知灼见跟他们是毫不沾边的。这里的居民个个形容枯槁,面貌丑陋,表情阴郁,态度冷漠,一如生养他们的这片土地。只有那低沉含混的土语,以及放工结伙回家时平头钉鞋踩在柏油路上发出的低沉作响踢踏声,让外来者既害怕又好奇。 There had been no welcome home for the young squire, no festivities, no deputation, not even a single flower. Only a dank ride in a motor-car up a dark, damp drive, burrowing through gloomy trees, out to the slope of the park where grey damp sheep were feeding, to the knoll where the house spread its dark brown facade, and the housekeeper and her husband were hovering, like unsure tenants on the face of the earth, ready to stammer a welcome. 当这对年轻的贵族夫妇返回故里,没有听到诚挚热情的问候,没有享受到接风洗尘的宴席,没有看到列队迎候的村众,甚至连朵鲜花都没有见到。只是体验到阴湿寒冷的旅程,汽车驶过漆黑潮湿的大道,钻进阴暗的密林,攀上放牧着湿漉漉的灰色羊群的坡地,停在那座深褐色建筑物坐落的山丘上。女管家及其丈夫正在那里来回踱步,像两个心神不宁的佃户,结结巴巴地编排着欢迎词。 There was no communication between Wragby Hall and Tevershall village, none. No caps were touched, no curtseys bobbed. The colliers merely stared; the tradesmen lifted their caps to Connie as to an acquaintance, and nodded awkwardly to Clifford; that was all. That was all. Gulf impassable, and a quiet sort of resentment on either side. At first Connie suffered from the steady drizzle of resentment that came from the village. Then she hardened herself to it, and it became a sort of tonic, something to live up to. It was not that she and Clifford were unpopular, they merely belonged to another species altogether from the colliers. Gulf impassable, breach indescribable, such as is perhaps nonexistent south of the Trent. But in the Midlands and the industrial North gulf impassable, across which no communication could take place. You stick to your side, I'll stick to mine! A strange denial of the common pulse of humanity. 拉格比府与特弗沙尔村并无半点瓜葛,毫不往来。男人不脱帽致敬,女人不屈膝行礼。矿工们只是瞪眼凝视着他们,商贩们向康妮举举帽子,像是遇到相熟的人,对克里福德则会尴尬地点点头,仅此而已。仅此而已。双方被难以逾越的鸿沟隔开,心中深埋着无言的仇恨。起初,康妮因村民们细雨般不绝的仇恨颇觉苦恼。但还是逐渐硬起心肠,将这种恨意当作赖以为生的某种强身药剂。并非她与丈夫不受欢迎,只是他们与矿工们完全属于不同的阶层而已。人际间难以逾越的鸿沟,无法言喻的裂痕,或许在特伦特河以南的地区难觅其踪。但在中北部的工业区,这种不可调和的分歧却让不同阶级的人们断绝往来。你走你的阳关道,我过我的独木桥!这对人性中共通的情感是种无端地否定。 Yet the village sympathized with Clifford and Connie in the abstract. In the flesh it was—You leave me alone!—on either side. 然而在抽象中,村民们仍对查泰莱夫妇深感同情。而在实际中,双方却都坚守着“你别来管我!”的信条。 The rector was a nice man of about sixty, full of his duty, and reduced, personally, almost to a nonentity by the silent—You leave me alone!—of the village. The miners' wives were nearly all Methodists. The miners were nothing. But even so much official uniform as the clergyman wore was enough to obscure entirely the fact that he was a man like any other man. No, he was Mester Ashby, a sort of automatic preaching and praying concern. 年过花甲的教区长和蔼可亲,尽职尽责,但村民们这种各扫门前雪的冷漠态度,却让他几乎变成可有可无的人物。矿工的妻子们几乎是清一色的卫理公会信徒。矿工们却不信教。但身着牧师法袍,已经足够彻底掩饰他是个普通人这个事实。他不是普通人,他是阿什比牧师大人,一种讲道和祈祷自动机械。 This stubborn, instinctive—We think ourselves as good as you, if you are Lady Chatterley!—puzzled and baffled Connie at first extremely. The curious, suspicious, false amiability with which the miners' wives met her overtures; the curiously offensive tinge of—Oh dear me! I AM somebody now, with Lady Chatterley talking to me! But she needn't think I'm not as good as her for all that!—which she always heard twanging in the women's half-fawning voices, was impossible. “就算你被尊为查泰莱夫人,但其实跟我们没有什么区别!”起初,村民们这种本能的固执的态度,让康妮感到十分困扰和为难。每当她主动向矿工家眷示好,总会换来怪里怪气、将信将疑的虚情假意,还有那莫名其妙的咄咄逼人的言语:我的天呢!现在我可是大人物了,查泰莱夫人跟我说话来着!可她也别认为这样就可以看扁我!主妇们那半是阿谀的话语中带着浓重的鼻音,在康妮的耳边时时回荡,确实让人难以忍受。 There was no getting past it. 但却是无法回避的。 It was hopelessly and offensively nonconformist. 这些不皈依国教的乡下佬简直无可救药,令人反感。 Clifford left them alone, and she learnt to do the same: she just went by without looking at them, and they stared as if she were a walking wax figure. When he had to deal with them, Clifford was rather haughty and contemptuous; one could no longer afford to be friendly. In fact he was altogether rather supercilious and contemptuous of anyone not in his own class. He stood his ground, without any attempt at conciliation. And he was neither liked nor disliked by the people: he was just part of things, like the pit-bank and Wragby itself. 克利福德从不搭理他们,康妮也学着依样照做:每次擦身而过,总是目不斜视,而村民们则不约而同地盯着她看,仿佛在凝视一座会走路的蜡像。当不得不跟他们打交道时,克利福德总是摆出傲慢骄横的神态,给这些家伙好脸色并不是明智的选择。事实上,他对于所有非其阶层的人们,都保持着这种不屑一顾的高傲态度。他固守着自己的阵地,没有任何修好的意图。村民们对克利福德无甚好感,但也并不讨厌:他不过是生活的组成部分,跟矿坑和格拉比府没什么两样。 But Clifford was really extremely shy and self-conscious now he was lamed. He hated seeing anyone except just the personal servants. For he had to sit in a wheeled chair or a sort of bath-chair. Nevertheless he was just as carefully dressed as ever, by his expensive tailors, and he wore the careful Bond Street neckties just as before, and from the top he looked just as smart and impressive as ever. He had never been one of the modern ladylike young men: rather bucolic even, with his ruddy face and broad shoulders. But his very quiet, hesitating voice, and his eyes, at the same time bold and frightened, assured and uncertain, revealed his nature. His manner was often offensively supercilious, and then again modest and self-effacing, almost tremulous. 然而自从意识到自己再也无法行走,克利福德就变得极端怯懦。除了自家的仆从,他不愿见到任何其他的人。因为残废的他只能坐在轮椅或者巴斯椅上。然而,他仍会像以往一样,穿着高级裁缝为他量身剪裁的高档服装,系着邦德街买回的精致领带,若仅看上半身,他依旧风流倜傥,气度非凡。克利福德本就没有时下青年的那副娘娘腔,红润的脸庞,外加宽厚的肩膀,让他看起来倒有几分牧民的气质。但他那细微迟疑的声音,兼具果敢与畏缩、自信与不安的眼神,则透露出他的本性。他的举止有时傲慢得让人难以忍受,有时却谨慎谦恭到怯懦战栗的地步。 Connie and he were attached to one another, in the aloof modern way. He was much too hurt in himself, the great shock of his maiming, to be easy and flippant. He was a hurt thing. And as such Connie stuck to him passionately. 康妮和他彼此依恋,又相互疏远,这可是时下夫妻间最盛行的相处之道。因伤致残对克利福德的打击过重,使其心灵倍受煎熬,再也无法像过去那般轻松释然。可怜的他身心俱伤。而康妮则对他情根深种,不离不弃。 But she could not help feeling how little connexion he really had with people. The miners were, in a sense, his own men; but he saw them as objects rather than men, parts of the pit rather than parts of life, crude raw phenomena rather than human beings along with him. He was in some way afraid of them, he could not bear to have them look at him now he was lame. And their queer, crude life seemed as unnatural as that of hedgehogs. 但她还是不禁觉得丈夫与他人缺乏沟通。矿工们可以说都是他的仆从,但他始终把他们当作没有生命的物体、而非活生生的人来看待,当他们是矿场而非生活的组成部分,是粗鄙天然事物,而非和自己一般无二的人类。克利福德甚至有些惧怕他们,受不了让他们看到自己如今这副残缺不全的模样。而他们过着古怪粗劣的生活,简直跟反常的刺猬没什么两样。 He was remotely interested; but like a man looking down a microscope, or up a telescope. He was not in touch. He was not in actual touch with anybody, save, traditionally, with Wragby, and, through the close bond of family defence, with Emma. Beyond this nothing really touched him. Connie felt that she herself didn't really, not really touch him; perhaps there was nothing to get at ultimately; just a negation of human contact. 他远远地关注着他们的行为举动,像是通过显微镜或者望远镜去观察事物一样。但却跟他们没有半点往来。除了跟拉格比府的传统纽带、以及和艾玛的血亲关系,他几乎与其他任何人都没有实质性的接触。除此之外,没有什么能真正触及他的内心。康妮觉得连自己也无法真正确实地拨动丈夫的心弦,或许根本没有什么能做到这一点,克利福德的存在恰恰是对人际交往的某种否定。 Yet he was absolutely dependent on her, he needed her every moment. Big and strong as he was, he was helpless. He could wheel himself about in a wheeled chair, and he had a sort of bath-chair with a motor attachment, in which he could puff slowly round the park. But alone he was like a lost thing. He needed Connie to be there, to assure him he existed at all. 但他对妻子的依赖已经到达无可附加的地步,时时刻刻需要她陪在身旁。他虽然魁梧健硕,却无法自立。他能够驱动轮椅四处走走,还可以驾着装有马达的巴斯轮椅,缓缓地在自家园林里兜圈。但每当独处,他就像只迷途的羔羊。他需要康妮伴随左右,只有如此,才能确信自己真真切切地活在世间。 Still he was ambitious. He had taken to writing stories; curious, very personal stories about people he had known. Clever, rather spiteful, and yet, in some mysterious way, meaningless. The observation was extraordinary and peculiar. But there was no touch, no actual contact. It was as if the whole thing took place in a vacuum. And since the field of life is largely an artificially-lighted stage today, the stories were curiously true to modern life, to the modern psychology, that is. 虽然身残,但克利福德依然不失鸿鹄之志。他醉心于小说的创作。这些作品描述的是他身边熟悉的人物个人的奇特故事。笔触聪颖机智,流露出些许恶毒之感,却又因情节神秘莫测而缺乏深意。其出色的观察力异乎常人。但缺少与他人实际的接触和沟通。他笔下的一切似乎都发生在虚无缥缈的空中楼阁里。由于如今的人们多半生活在人造光线点亮的舞台之上,克利福德的小说倒是与现代的生活和现代人的心理颇为契合。 Clifford was almost morbidly sensitive about these stories. He wanted everyone to think them good, of the best, NE PLUS ULTRA. They appeared in the most modern magazines, and were praised and blamed as usual. But to Clifford the blame was torture, like knives goading him. It was as if the whole of his being were in his stories. 克利福德对这些小说的在意,几乎达到病态的地步。他渴望世人都为之拍案叫绝,将其视为无可匹敌的巅峰之作。他的作品发表在最时兴的杂志上,得到的评价自然也是毁誉参半。但对于克利福德来说,毁訾无异于痛苦的折磨,简直就像用刀剜他的肉。好像他生命的全部意义都存在于小说之中。 Connie helped him as much as she could. At first she was thrilled. He talked everything over with her monotonously, insistently, persistently, and she had to respond with all her might. It was as if her whole soul and body and sex had to rouse up and pass into theme stories of his. This thrilled her and absorbed her. 康妮竭尽所能地帮助他。刚开始倒也醉心其中。他凡事都会跟她进行探讨,用那种一成不变的语调,没完没了,无休无止,而她也必须殚精毕力,奉陪到底。似乎她的灵与肉,情与性都被唤醒,跟小说的主题融为一体。这样美妙的感觉让她为之兴奋不已,深深着迷。 Of physical life they lived very little. She had to superintend the house. But the housekeeper had served Sir Geoffrey for many years, arid the dried-up, elderly, superlatively correct female you could hardly call her a parlour-maid, or even a woman...who waited at table, had been in the house for forty years. Even the very housemaids were no longer young. It was awful! What could you do with such a place, but leave it alone! All these endless rooms that nobody used, all the Midlands routine, the mechanical cleanliness and the mechanical order! 而在物质层面,他们的生活实在是再贫乏不过。她必须操持家务。女管家伺候杰弗里爵士多年,她身体干瘪,年老色衰,且刚愎自用,非但不像个女侍,甚至连是否算得女人都成问题……40年来,都是她服侍查泰莱爵士一家用餐。就连那些真正的女佣也都垂垂老矣。这真是糟糕透顶!身临其中,除了听其自然,确实别无他法。这里有无穷无尽的空房间,米德兰地区世代相传的繁文缛节,还有那机械呆板的整洁有序。 For the rest the place seemed run by mechanical anarchy. Everything went on in pretty good order, strict cleanliness, and strict punctuality; even pretty strict honesty. 至于这里的其他地方,似乎在机械的无政府状态下运行着。一切都进行得有条不紊,干脆利落,严守时间,从无遮掩欺瞒。 And yet, to Connie, it was a methodical anarchy. No warmth of feeling united it organically. The house seemed as dreary as a disused street. 但对康妮来说,这不过是种井然有序的混乱状态。缺乏温情的有机维系。整座府邸阴郁凄清,如同废弃的街道。 What could she do but leave it alone? So she left it alone. Miss Chatterley came sometimes, with her aristocratic thin face, and triumphed, finding nothing altered. She would never forgive Connie for ousting her from her union in consciousness with her brother. It was she, Emma, who should be bringing forth the stories, these books, with him; the Chatterley stories, something new in the world, that they, the Chatterleys, had put there. 除了顺其自然,她还能做些什么呢?因此,她也只好听之任之。查泰莱小姐偶尔也会过府探望,她面容瘦削却满脸傲气,发现家中一切都依然如故,颇觉志得意满。她永远也无法原谅康妮,正是这个外来者切断了自己与弟弟的情感纽带。只有她,艾玛,本该与克利福德构思和创作小说,那可是专属于查泰莱家族的作品,世间绝无仅有的新颖物事,由查泰莱的家人一手缔造。 There was no other standard. There was no organic connexion with the thought and expression that had gone before. Only something new in the world: the Chatterley books, entirely personal. 此外别无标准可以评断。跟前人的思想和言论毫无关联。查泰莱家族的作品是全新的创作,充满个性意味的文学作品。 Connie's father, where he paid a flying visit to Wragby, and in private to his daughter: As for Clifford's writing, it's smart, but there's nothing in it. It won't last! 康妮的父亲曾在拉格比府有过短暂的逗留,期间他私下对女儿说:“克利福德的作品确实精巧雅致,但内里却空洞无物。根本不会长久流传!” Nothing in it! 空洞无物! What did he mean by nothing in it? If the critics praised it, and Clifford's name was almost famous, and it even brought in money… what did her father mean by saying there was nothing in Clifford's writing? What else could there be? For Connie had adopted the standard of the young: what there was in the moment was everything. And moments followed one another without necessarily belonging to one another. 父亲这么说究竟是何意思?若连评论家都赞美他的作品,克利福德几乎要跻身知名小说家的行列,而且甚至已经赚到稿酬……而父亲却认为女婿的作品空洞无物,这么说究竟是何用意?除了名和利,文学作品还能带来别的什么吗?康妮秉承的是年轻一代的生活准则:眼下拥有的就是一切。时刻彼此相继,但却无需彼此相属。 It was in her second winter at Wragby her father said to her: "I hope, Connie, you won't let circumstances force you into being a demi-vierge.” "A demi-vierge! Why not? Why not? Why? Why not?” "Unless you like it, of course!" said her father hastily. To Clifford he said the same, when the two men were alone: "I'm afraid it doesn't quite suit Connie to be a demi-vierge.” "A half-virgin!" replied Clifford, translating the phrase to be sure of it. 她在拉格比度过的第二个冬天,父亲嘱咐她道:“康妮,我不想眼睁睁看你因为形势所迫而守活寡。”“守活寡!为什么不呢?为什么不呢?为什么呢?为什么不呢?”“当然,除非你真的心甘情愿。”父亲忙解释道。而和克利福德独处时,他也跟女婿说过同样的话:“恐怕守活寡的角色并不适合康妮。”“活寡妇!”克利福德换了种说法诠释岳父的用词,以便更明确地理解他的意思。 He thought for a moment, then flushed very red. He was angry and offended. 他凝思片刻,脸涨得通红。显然是被触怒了。 "In what way doesn't it suit her?" he asked stiffly. “到底哪里不适合她呢?”他态度生硬地反问道。 "She's getting thin...angular. It's not her style. She's not the pilchard sort of little slip of a girl, she's a bonny Scotch trout.” "Without the spots, of course!" said Clifford. “她变瘦了……削瘦。她本来可不是这副模样。她不像沙丁鱼那般瘦削纤细,而像苏格兰鳟鱼一样丰腴健美。”“她身上可没有斑纹。”克利福德抢白道。 He wanted to say something later to Connie about the demi-vierge business...the half-virgin state of her affairs. But he could not bring himself to do it. He was at once too intimate with her and not intimate enough. He was so very much at one with her, in his mind and hers, but bodily they were non-existent to one another, and neither could bear to drag in the corpus delicti. They were so intimate, and utterly out of touch. 后来,他想找康妮谈谈守活寡的事……聊聊她有名无实的婚姻状态。但他始终羞于启口。两人既亲密无间,又彼此疏离。精神层面相互交融,但肉体层面却从无交集,而小夫妻又都不愿谈及这令人难堪的事实。两人情深意笃,但全无床笫之乐。 Connie guessed, however, that her father had said something, and that something was in Clifford's mind. She knew that he didn't mind whether she were demi-vierge or demi-monde, so long as he didn't absolutely know, and wasn't made to see. What the eye doesn't see and the mind doesn't know, doesn't exist. 康妮猜出父亲肯定跟克利福德说过什么,而丈夫心中却有些事难以启齿。她明白,自己独守空闺或是红杏出墙,丈夫并不介怀,只要不让他抓到把柄,或者撞个正着。眼不见、心不知的事情,自然就是不存在的。 Connie and Clifford had now been nearly two years at Wragby, living their vague life of absorption in Clifford and his work. Their interests had never ceased to flow together over his work. They talked and wrestled in the throes of composition, and felt as if something were happening, really happening, really in the void. 转眼间,康妮和克利福德已在拉格比府住了将近两年,过着混沌不清的日子,全部精力都集中在克利福德和他的作品上。创作的过程中,两人的兴趣不断高涨、彼此交融。他们相互交换意见,反复推敲,仔细斟酌,深尝创作的艰辛,感觉到那些虚无的故事里,果然发生着什么,的确发生着什么。 And thus far it was a life: in the void. For the rest it was non-existence. Wragby was there, the servants...but spectral, not really existing. Connie went for walks in the park, and in the woods that joined the park, and enjoyed the solitude and the mystery, kicking the brown leaves of autumn, and picking the primroses of spring. But it was all a dream; or rather it was like the simulacrum of reality. The oak-leaves were to her like oak-leaves seen ruffling in a mirror, she herself was a figure somebody had read about, picking primroses that were only shadows or memories, or words. No substance to her or anything...no touch, no contact! Only this life with Clifford, this endless spinning of webs of yarn, of the minutiae of consciousness, these stories Sir Malcolm said there was nothing in, and they wouldn't last. Why should there be anything in them, why should they last? Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Sufficient unto the moment is the appearance of reality. 而这就是迄今为止他们生活的全部——无尽的虚空。此外并无真实的存在。拉格比府仍巍然耸立,仆从们依旧来回奔忙……但这些都如同幽灵般虚幻,并非真实地存在着。康妮时常独自去花园里散步,在通往花园的树林中徜徉,踢踩秋日泛黄的落叶,摘撷春天的樱草花,体味着那里的幽静和神秘。但这一切都只是梦境,或者更像是现实的幻影。在她看来,橡树叶仿佛在镜中摇曳,而自己也化身成书中的人物,采撷着那些投影于镜像中、深埋于记忆里、或者记叙于文字间的樱草花。对她而言,一切都是虚无缥缈的……没有联系,缺少沟通!只有与克利福德的生活,那无穷无尽、曲折离奇的故事情节,细小琐碎的心理变化,还有马尔科姆爵士口中空洞无物、不会长久流传的小说。为什么非要有内涵呢?为什么非得长久流传呢?眼下烦恼已不少,莫为将来空自扰。今朝有酒今朝醉,明日愁来明日忧。 Clifford had quite a number of friends, acquaintances really, and he invited them to Wragby. He invited all sorts of people, critics and writers, people who would help to praise his books. And they were flattered at being asked to Wragby, and they praised. Connie understood it all perfectly. But why not? This was one of the fleeting patterns in the mirror. What was wrong with it? She was hostess to these people...mostly men. She was hostess also to Clifford's occasional aristocratic relations. Being a soft, ruddy, country-looking girl, inclined to freckles, with big blue eyes, and curling, brown hair, and a soft voice, and rather strong, female loins she was considered a little old-fashioned and 'womanly'. She was not a 'little pilchard sort of fish', like a boy, with a boy's flat breast and little buttocks. She was too feminine to be quite smart. 克利福德朋友众多,但都只是泛泛之交,因此拉格比府也时常宾客盈门。受邀前来的朋友形形色色,其中有评论家及作家,都是些能为他的作品唱颂歌的家伙。能被请来拉格比府做客,他们个个受宠若惊,说些趋炎附势的恭维话也再正常不过。康妮自然是心知肚明。但这又有什么不妥呢?这也不过是镜中转瞬即逝的幻象而已。没什么可大惊小怪的。身为女主人,她要招待这些来宾,其中大多是男性。还要款待克利福德那些不常登门的贵族亲朋。她性情温和,面色红润,如同乡下女孩般平易近人,脸上总生有雀斑,一对湛蓝色阔目,一头棕色卷发,再加上温柔的嗓音,强健的腰身,大家都认为她虽然略显老气,但却有“女人味”。她跟干瘪的沙丁鱼扯不上半点关系,也不像男孩般平胸瘦臀。反倒是过分的柔美让她显得不够时髦。 So the men, especially those no longer young, were very nice to her indeed. But, knowing what torture poor Clifford would feel at the slightest sign of flirting on her part, she gave them no encouragement at all. She was quiet and vague, she had no contact with them and intended to have none. Clifford was extraordinarily proud of himself. 因此,男人们,尤其是那些老家伙们,当真对她殷勤备至。但康妮清楚,只要自己稍显轻佻,可怜的克利福德就会备受煎熬,所以她从来不会给那些狂蜂浪蝶以可乘之机。她寡言少语,态度冷淡,从不与他们多做纠缠,甚至根本没有这样的想法。克利福德为此得意不已。 His relatives treated her quite kindly. She knew that the kindliness indicated a lack of fear, and that these people had no respect for you unless you could frighten them a little. But again she had no contact. She let them be kindly and disdainful, she let them feel they had no need to draw their steel in readiness. She had no real connexion with them. 夫家的亲戚们待她倒也非常友善。康妮清楚这种态度说明自己并不会让他们感到畏惧,如果你没法使他们怕你三分,也就难以赢得他们的尊重。但她与这些人也并无深交。和风细雨也好,盛气凌人也罢,她都处之泰然,那种淡定让他们觉得无须如此咄咄逼人。她跟他们又并非血亲。 Time went on. Whatever happened, nothing happened, because she was so beautifully out of contact. She and Clifford lived in their ideas and his books. She entertained...there were always people in the house. Time went on as the clock does, half past eight instead of half past seven. 时光荏苒。过往种种都好像未曾发生,因为她总能优雅地做到置身事外。她和克利福德生活在思想世界中,只为创作小说而存在。她热情款待着宾客们,拉格比府也总是高朋满座。钟表滴答作响,时间悄然逝去,转瞬八点半已将七点半抛到身后。 第三章 Connie was aware, however, of a growing restlessness. Out of her disconnexion, a restlessness was taking possession of her like madness. It twitched her limbs when she didn't want to twitch them, it jerked her spine when she didn't want to jerk upright but preferred to rest comfortably. It thrilled inside her body, in her womb, somewhere, till she felt she must jump into water and swim to get away from it; a mad restlessness. It made her heart beat violently for no reason. And she was getting thinner. 然而,康妮觉察到不安的情绪一天天在累积。与世隔绝的生活,使得烦乱的感觉近乎疯狂地将她攫住。这种情绪不合时宜地牵动她的四肢,当她想舒适地休息时,又突如其来地拉直她的脊骨。这种情绪在她的体内震颤,在子宫的什么地方,为了将其摆脱,她必须得跃入水中畅泳,一种疯狂的纷乱。这种情绪总让她的心房无端地猛跳。于是,康妮日渐消瘦。 It was just restlessness. She would rush off across the park, abandon Clifford, and lie prone in the bracken. To get away from the house...she must get away from the house and everybody. The work was her one refuge, her sanctuary. 正是因为这种不安。她会抛开克利福德,疾奔着穿过花园,俯卧在蕨草丛中。为的只是摆脱拉格比府,她必须摆脱那座宅邸,摆脱所有的人。树林成为她的那个避难处,她的庇护所。 But it was not really a refuge, a sanctuary, because she had no connexion with it. It was only a place where she could get away from the rest. She never really touched the spirit of the wood itself...if it had any such nonsensical thing. 但树林也并非逃避现实的理想处所,因为她和那里同样没有任何干系。置身此地,只能让康妮体验到暂时的孑然。她从未触及到林木的灵魂……假如当真有如此荒诞的东西。 Vaguely she knew herself that she was going to pieces in some way. Vaguely she knew she was out of connexion: she had lost touch with the substantial and vital world. Only Clifford and his books, which did not exist...which had nothing in them! Void to void. Vaguely she knew. But it was like beating her head against a stone. 她隐隐约约地意识到,自己正走向崩溃的边缘。她模模糊糊地感觉到,自己身处与世隔绝的真空状态,与充满生机的物质世界完全脱离。只有克利福德和他的小说,那些虚构的、空洞无物的东西!除了虚空,还是虚空。她隐约地觉察到事情的真相。但又感觉自己脑袋往石头上撞。 Her father warned her again: "Why don't you get yourself a beau, Connie? Do you all the good in the world.” That winter Michaelis came for a few days. He was a young Irishman who had already made a large fortune by his plays in America. He had been taken up quite enthusiastically for a time by smart society in London, for he wrote smart society plays. Then gradually smart society realized that it had been made ridiculous at the hands of a down-at-heel Dublin street-rat, and revulsion came. Michaelis was the last word in what was caddish and bounderish. He was discovered to be anti-English, and to the class that made this discovery this was worse than the dirtiest crime. He was cut dead, and his corpse thrown into the refuse can. 父亲再次提醒她:“你为什么不给自己找个情人,康妮?这样做对你而言大有好处。”那天冬天,米凯利斯来拉格比小住过几天。这个爱尔兰青年是位剧作家,编写的剧本在美国公演,让他赚得盆满钵满。曾几何时,因为写了几部时兴的社会剧,他一度成为伦敦时髦社交圈的风云人物。可当社交名流们慢慢发觉,自己竟然被这个不入流的都柏林小混混所嘲弄,对他的态度也来了个一百八十度大转弯。米凯利斯也成为下流粗鄙的代名词。有人揭发他有反英情绪,而对于捅出此事的贵族阶层而言,这简直比最恶劣的犯罪还难以宽宥。他遭到伦敦上流社会最无情的唾弃。 Nevertheless Michaelis had his apartment in Mayfair, and walked down Bond Street the image of a gentleman, for you cannot get even the best tailors to cut their low-down customers, when the customers pay. 尽管臭名昭著,米凯利斯仍在梅费尔区(注:伦敦西部的高级住宅区)拥有自己的公寓,当他在邦德街徜徉,绅士派头依然不减。因为只要付钱,即使身份卑微,也能让最棒的裁缝乖乖为你服务。 Clifford was inviting the young man of thirty at an inauspicious moment in this young man's career. Yet Clifford did not hesitate. Michaelis had the ear of a few million people, probably; and, being a hopeless outsider, he would no doubt be grateful to be asked down to Wragby at this juncture, when the rest of the smart world was cutting him. Being grateful, he would no doubt do Clifford 'good' over there in America. Kudos! A man gets a lot of kudos, whatever that may be, by being talked about in the right way, especially "over there". Clifford was a coming man; and it was remarkable what a sound publicity instinct he had. 克利福德却向这个已过而立、正处事业低谷的年轻人发出邀请。然而对此,克利福德没有半点犹豫。米凯利斯差不多拥有数百万忠实听众,作为人人避之不及的过街老鼠,在遭到社交界遗弃的无助时刻,受邀来到拉格比,他无疑会感激涕零。因为心存感激,他自然会“帮助”克利福德在美利坚扬名。名声大噪!只要以正确的方式予以吹捧,你就会声名鹊起,无论是什么名声,尤其是在遥远的大洋彼岸。克利福德将是文坛冉冉升起的明日之星,拥有如此强烈的自我推销意识,更是非同凡响。 In the end Michaelis did him most nobly in a play, and Clifford was a sort of popular hero. Till the reaction, when he found he had been made ridiculous. 后来,米凯利斯果真在自己的剧作中将克利福德塑造成为极为崇高的形象,受人追捧的英雄人物。直到听闻到评论界的反应,克利福德才发觉自己充当的不过是被嘲弄的对象。 Connie wondered a little over Clifford's blind, imperious instinct to become known: known, that is, to the vast amorphous world he did not himself know, and of which he was uneasily afraid; known as a writer, as a first-class modern writer. Connie was aware from successful, old, hearty, bluffing Sir Malcolm, that artists did advertise themselves, and exert themselves to put their goods over. But her father used channels ready-made, used by all the other R.A.s who sold their pictures. Whereas Clifford discovered new channels of publicity, all kinds. He had all kinds of people at Wragby, without exactly lowering himself. But, determined to build himself a monument of a reputation quickly, he used any handy rubble in the making. 对于丈夫这种盲目迫切的成名欲求,康妮颇感诧异。克利福德希望成为闻名遐迩的作家,第一流的文坛尖兵。让整个世界都知道他的名字,这个让他捉摸不透的广阔世界,这个他知之甚少、甚至心怀畏惧的无常世界。父亲马尔科姆爵士本就卓有名望,老谋深算,满怀激情,且善于造势,从他身上康妮意识到,艺术家确实需要懂得经营自己,竭尽所能地把自己的作品推销出去。但父亲用的还是老一套,其他皇家艺术学会的成员兜售画作时惯用的手段。而克利福德却发掘出五花八门的新颖造势渠道。他把三教九流的各色人等请到拉格比,还无需自降身份。但决意尽快在文坛闯出赫赫声名,他还是无所不用其极。 Michaelis arrived duly, in a very neat car, with a chauffeur and a manservant. He was absolutely Bond Street! But at right of him something in Clifford's county soul recoiled. He wasn't exactly…not exactly…in fact, he wasn't at all, well, what his appearance intended to imply. To Clifford this was final and enough. Yet he was very polite to the man; to the amazing success in him. The bitch-goddess, as she is called, of Success, roamed, snarling and protective, round the half-humble, half-defiant Michaelis' heels, and intimidated Clifford completely: for he wanted to prostitute himself to the bitch-goddess, Success also, if only she would have him. Michaelis obviously wasn't an Englishman, in spite of all the tailors, hatters, barbers, booters of the very best quarter of London. No, no, he obviously wasn't an Englishman: the wrong sort of flattish, pale face and bearing; and the wrong sort of grievance. He had a grudge and a grievance: that was obvious to any true-born English gentleman, who would scorn to let such a thing appear blatant in his own demeanour. Poor Michaelis had been much kicked, so that he had a slightly tail-between-the-legs look even now. He had pushed his way by sheer instinct and sheerer effrontery on to the stage and to the front of it, with his plays. He had caught the public. And he had thought the kicking days were over. Alas, they weren't… They never would be. For he, in a sense, asked to be kicked. He pined to be where he didn't belong...among the English upper classes. And how they enjoyed the various kicks they got at him! And how he hated them! Nevertheless he travelled with his manservant and his very neat car, this Dublin mongrel. 米凯利斯如约而至,座驾奢侈豪华,私人司机和贴身男仆左右相陪。身上穿的是如假包换的邦德街行头!刚打照面,克利福德那颗乡下人的胆怯心灵便畏缩不前了。他并不真是……不真是……事实上,他龌龊的内心根本与光鲜的外表不搭调。对克利福德而言,这点是确定无疑的。不过,他还是对米凯利斯毕恭毕敬,对他取得的非凡成就崇拜不已。米凯利斯既谦卑又趾高气昂,而“成功”——人们常称之为“母狗女神”的——徘徊在他的脚边,肆意咆哮着,担当着保镖的角色。这阵仗彻底把克利福德吓住了,他又何尝不想主动献身给成功女神,只要她愿意跟他春风一度。就算伦敦最上流街区的裁缝、帽商、理发师以及鞋匠们都调动起来,也没法把米凯利斯打扮得像个英国人。不,不,他显然不像是英国人,无论是苍白扁平的脸孔,举手投足间的风度,还是愤世嫉俗的性格,都与英伦风范不合。他总是恨意满腔,牢骚满腹,这根本逃不过地道英国绅士的眼睛,他们从不屑让这种情绪在自己的举止间流露出来。可怜的米凯利斯之前饱受摧残,以至于现在都没有摆脱夹着尾巴做人的丧气相。凭借单纯的直觉以及更加彻底的厚颜无耻,依靠自己的作品,他在戏剧舞台占据一席之地,甚至成为个中翘楚。他赢得观众的青睐。本以为备受蹂躏的日子总算过去。没料想,事实并非如此...它们永远也不会终结。或者可以说,米凯利斯是个自讨苦吃的家伙。他奢求涉足自己不可企及的领域...跻身英国上流社会。而他们想方设法地践踏他,并乐在其中。而他对他们也只有切齿的痛恨。而这个都柏林狗杂种依然带着跟班,乘着名车,招摇过市。 There was something about him that Connie liked. He didn't put on airs to himself, he had no illusions about himself. He talked to Clifford sensibly, briefly, practically, about all the things Clifford wanted to know. He didn't expand or let himself go. He knew he had been asked down to Wragby to be made use of, and like an old, shrewd, almost indifferent business man, or big-business man, he let himself be asked questions, and he answered with as little waste of feeling as possible. 米凯利斯有些优点深得康妮青睐。他从不装腔作势,懂得脚踏实地。一旦攀谈起来,他总能做到条理清晰,简明扼要,实事求是,将克利福德想要了解的一切和盘托出。他从不夸大事实,从不得意忘形。他深知克利福德请自己到拉格比来,只是为了加以利用,而他像位经验老道、从容不迫的商人,甚至可以说是位巨贾,任你如何发问,他都能尽可能自若地回答。 "Money!" he said. "Money is a sort of instinct. It's a sort of property of nature in a man to make money. It's nothing you do. It's no trick you play. It's a sort of permanent accident of your own nature; once you start, you make money, and you go on; up to a point, I suppose.” "But you've got to begin," said Clifford. “金钱!”他感慨道。“金钱是种本能。挣钱是人类与生俱来的天性。无论你怎么做。无论你耍什么花招。在我看来,这是人类天性中不可变更的运数;一旦掌握要领,钱就会滚滚而来,一发不可收拾,直至富埒陶白。“但总得掌握入门的诀窍。”克利福德说。 "Oh, quite! You've got to get in. You can do nothing if you are kept outside. You've got to beat your way in. Once you've done that, you can't help it.” "But could you have made money except by plays?" asked Clifford. “没错,的确如此!入门确实至关重要。置身其中才能施展拳脚。必须想方设法找到挣钱的门路。一旦深谙此道,就会欲罢不能。”“除了写剧本,你还有其他挣钱的门道么?”克利福德问。 "Oh, probably not! I may be a good writer or I may be a bad one, but a writer and a writer of plays is what I am, and I've got to be. There's no question of that.” "And you think it's a writer of popular plays that you've got to be?" asked Connie. "There, exactly!" he said, turning to her in a sudden flash. "There's nothing in it! There's nothing in popularity. There's nothing in the public, if it comes to that. There's nothing really in my plays to make them popular. It's not that. They just are like the weather...the sort that will have to be...for the time being.” He turned his slow, rather full eyes, that had been drowned in such fathomless disillusion, on Connie, and she trembled a little. He seemed so old...endlessly old, built up of layers of disillusion, going down in him generation after generation, like geological strata; and at the same time he was forlorn like a child. An outcast, in a certain sense; but with the desperate bravery of his rat-like existence. “哦,或许没有吧!拥有生花妙笔也好,作品不堪卒读也罢,都无法改变我身为剧作家的事实,而且这也是我唯一的出路。这一点毋庸置疑。”“那你觉得自己注定会成为尽人皆知的剧作家么?”康妮问道。“没错,千真万确!”他答道,霍地把脸扭向康妮。“其实也算不得什么!家喻户晓也没有什么了不起。说白了,广大观众也就是那么回事。其实我的剧本并无出众之处。受欢迎的关键不在于此。一切就好似天气……不过是水到渠成的事情……至少目前看来是这样。”他那对迟钝的大眼睛凝视着康妮,眼神中饱含着无穷无尽的幻灭,四目相对,康妮不禁微微战栗了一下。他看上去如此苍老……久历岁月的沧桑,经年累月的幻灭层叠起来,在他身上沉积汇聚,如同地层的形成过程;但与此同时,他又像个孤立无助的孩子。某种意义上,一个被抛弃者,却有着老鼠般抗争的勇敢气概。 "At least it's wonderful what you've done at your time of life," said Clifford contemplatively. “至少你年纪轻轻就有如此成就,仅这一点就令人叹服。”克利福德若有所思地说。 "I'm thirty...yes, I'm thirty!" said Michaelis, sharply and suddenly, with a curious laugh, hollow, triumphant, and bitter. “我30岁了……的确,我已过而立之年!”米凯利斯的声调突然拔高,嘴角流露出诡异的笑容,虚伪空洞,志得意满,却又渗透着丝丝苦涩。 "And are you alone?" asked Connie. “你独身一人?”康妮问。 "How do you mean? “你的意思是? Do I live alone? I've got my servant. He's a Greek, so he says, and quite incompetent. But I keep him. And I'm going to marry. Oh, yes, I must marry.” "It sounds like going to have your tonsils cut," laughed Connie. "Will it be an effort?" He looked at her admiringly. "Well, Lady Chatterley, somehow it will! I find…excuse me…I find I can't marry an Englishwoman, not even an Irishwoman...” "Try an American," said Clifford. 我独自过活?我有个仆人。他自称来自希腊,什么都做不好。但我还是没有解雇他。我已经有结婚的打算。嗯,没错,我必须结婚。”“听你的口气,就像要去割扁桃体,”康妮调侃道,“成家真的就那么艰难?”他望着康妮,倾慕之情溢于言表。“怎么说呢,查泰莱夫人,确实有些困难。我发觉……请恕我冒昧……我发觉自己没办法娶位英国妻子,甚至连爱尔兰姑娘也不太合适……”“试试美国妞。”克利福德提议道。 "Oh, American!" He laughed a hollow laugh. “噢,美国妞!”米凯利斯挤出干巴巴的笑容。 "No, I've asked my man if he will find me a Turk or something...something nearer to the Oriental.” Connie really wondered at this queer, melancholy specimen of extraordinary success; it was said he had an income of fifty thousand dollars from America alone. Sometimes he was handsome: sometimes as he looked sideways, downwards, and the light fell on him, he had the silent, enduring beauty of a carved ivory Negro mask, with his rather full eyes, and the strong queerly-arched brows, the immobile, compressed mouth; that momentary but revealed immobility, an immobility, a timelessness which the Buddha aims at, and which Negroes express sometimes without ever aiming at it; something old, old, and acquiescent in the race! Aeons of acquiescence in race destiny, instead of our individual resistance. And then a swimming through, like rats in a dark river. Connie felt a sudden, strange leap of sympathy for him, a leap mingled with compassion, and tinged with repulsion, amounting almost to love. The outsider! The outsider! And they called him a bounder! How much more bounderish and assertive Clifford looked! How much stupider! “不,我已跟仆人打过招呼,让他从土耳其……或者更靠近东方的国度,帮我寻觅一位佳偶。”康妮惊奇于这个取得非凡成就,却古怪忧郁的家伙。坊间传闻,仅在美国他就有5万英镑入账。有时康妮觉得他如此地英挺俊朗:当他侧过脸,或者垂下头,在光线的映照下,他的面孔呈现出宁静而持久的美感,像是戴着一副象牙精雕成的黑人面具。双眸炯炯有神,浓眉斜插入鬓,静止不动的嘴唇紧紧抿着;那短暂的瞬间,却揭示出佛陀所希冀的永恒,而黑人们常在不经意间流露出那种神情,是古老民族经年累月积淀而成的、默认的某种东西。那是黑人千百年来对自身种族命运的默认,与我们白人所倡导的个人反抗迥然不同。突然某种微妙的情感悄然流入康妮的意识之中,如同黑暗河道中潜游的老鼠。莫名的怜悯之意在康妮心中陡然升腾,混合着同情,掺杂着厌恶,汇聚成接近于男女之爱的奇异情感。被社会遗弃的倒霉蛋!被社会唾弃的可怜虫!还要背负下流胚的恶名!若论下流无耻,独断专行,克利福德与他相比,更是有过之而无不及。而且更加无知愚钝! Michaelis knew at once he had made an impression on her. He turned his full, hazel, slightly prominent eyes on her in a look of pure detachment. He was estimating her, and the extent of the impression he had made. With the English nothing could save him from being the eternal outsider, not even love. Yet women sometimes fell for him...Englishwomen too. 米凯利斯很快就察觉到康妮对他的好感。他那双淡褐色、稍显凸出的大眼睛,始终以康妮为视线的焦点,但同时又摆出一副毫不在意的超然表情。他在揣摩着她的想法,猜测着自己在这位可人儿心中究竟占据何种位置。只要和英国佬共处,他就永难摆脱被边缘化的境地,就算是在爱情的领域也不例外。但女人们却时常为他而倾倒……就连英国女人也难以抗拒他的魅力。 He knew just where he was with Clifford. They were two alien dogs which would have liked to snarl at one another, but which smiled instead, perforce. But with the woman he was not quite so sure. 他深知自己与克利福德之间的关系。他们就是两个水火不容的卑鄙小人,本应彼此谩骂叫嚣,却因相互利用的需要,不得不携手言欢。但与这个女人的关系,他却有些拿不准。 Breakfast was served in the bedrooms; Clifford never appeared before lunch, and the dining-room was a little dreary. After coffee Michaelis, restless and ill-sitting soul, wondered what he should do. It was a fine November...day fine for Wragby. He looked over the melancholy park. My God! What a place! 众人在各自卧室用过早餐。午餐前从不见克利福德的踪影,饭厅显得有些冷清。用罢咖啡,米凯利斯感觉心神不宁,如坐针毡,心里盘算着自己该做点什么。这是十一月一个天气晴好的日子,至少对拉格比而言是如此。他起身俯瞰屋外那片阴郁的园林。天呢!这到底是个什么鬼地方! He sent a servant to ask, could he be of any service to Lady Chatterley: he thought of driving into Sheffield. The answer came, would he care to go up to Lady Chatterley's sitting-room. 他差仆人前去询问,是否能够为查泰莱夫人效犬马之劳,他打算乘车去谢菲尔德逛逛。得到的答复是,请他到夫人的起居室一叙。 Connie had a sitting-room on the third floor, the top floor of the central portion of the house. Clifford's rooms were on the ground floor, of course. Michaelis was flattered by being asked up to Lady Chatterley's own parlour. He followed blindly after the servant...he never noticed things, or had contact with Isis surroundings. In her room he did glance vaguely round at the fine German reproductions of Renoir and Cézanne. 康妮的起居室位于三楼,也就是拉格比府中央部分的顶层。由于克利福德行动不便,他的房间自然都在底层。受邀去查泰莱夫人的私人会客室,米凯利斯有点受宠若惊。他茫然地跟在仆人身后,对沿路的陈设毫不在意,也没有留心观察周遭颇具伊西斯风格的装饰。而步入她的房间后,他却模模糊糊地瞥见雷诺阿(注:1841-1912,法国画家、雕塑家,印象派的代表人物)和塞尚(注:1839-1906,法国画家,后期印象派的主将。)精美的德国复制品。 "It's very pleasant up here," he said, with his queer smile, as if it hurt him to smile, showing his teeth. "You are wise to get up to the top." "Yes, I think so," she said. “楼上的房间果然令人心旷神怡,”他说,脸上显出露齿的怪异笑容,好像这样的微笑会使他感到痛苦,“住在顶楼是个明智的选择。”“没错,我也有同感。”她说。 Her room was the only gay, modern one in the house, the only spot in Wragby where her personality was at all revealed. Clifford had never seen it, and she asked very few people up. 她的房间是整座府邸唯一色彩鲜活、具有现代气息的地方,也是整个拉格比唯一能够彰显她全部个性的所在。克利福德从没到过这个房间,她也很少请人上来做客。 Now she and Michaelis sit on opposite sides of the fire and talked. She asked him about himself, his mother and father, his brothers...other people were always something of a wonder to her, and when her sympathy was awakened she was quite devoid of class feeling. Michaelis talked frankly about himself, quite frankly, without affectation, simply revealing his bitter, indifferent, stray-dog's soul, then showing a gleam of revengeful pride in his success. 此刻,她和米凯利斯在壁炉两侧落座,畅谈起来。她问及他自己、他的父母兄弟……康妮对别人的事总有几分好奇,而当心底的同情被唤醒,等级意识便荡然无存。米凯利斯开诚布公地讲起自己,没有丝毫隐瞒,不做半点矫饰,将自己满怀怨恨、麻木不仁、如同丧家犬般的灵魂,彻彻底底地展现在康妮面前,而在讲述自己的成功经历时,则掺杂着复仇的快感以及骄傲的情绪。 "But why are you such a lonely bird?" Connie asked him; and again he looked at her, with his full, searching, hazel look. “但你为何孤独地好似离群之鸟?”康妮问道。而米凯利斯则又瞪着那双淡褐色的大眼睛,注视着她,目光中含有探寻的意味。 "Some birds ARE that way," he replied. Then, with a touch of familiar irony: "but, look here, what about yourself? Aren't you by way of being a lonely bird yourself?” Connie, a little startled, thought about it for a few moments, and then she said: "Only in a way! Not altogether, like you!" "Am I altogether a lonely bird?" he asked, with his queer grin of a smile, as if he had toothache; it was so wry, and his eyes were so perfectly unchangingly melancholy, or stoical, or disillusioned or afraid. “有些人本就是如此,”他答道,接着又换上康妮熟悉的嘲讽腔调,“但也不要忘记眼前之人,你自己呢?你又何尝不是某种离群的孤雁?”康妮心中一惊,沉吟片刻后说:“倒也有些道理。但并非像你那样,完全与孤独为伴。”“我拥有的就只是寂寞?”他反问道,咧嘴露出古怪的笑容,脸庞扭曲得好像饱受牙痛的折磨,眼神仍是一成不变的忧郁,或是坚忍,或是幻灭,又或是恐惧。 "Why?" she said, a little breathless, as she looked at him. "You are, aren't you?” She felt a terrible appeal coming to her from him, that made her almost lose her balance. “为何这么说?”她问,与他目光相接时,不禁有些呼吸急促。“难道你并非如此么?”康妮感到自己被他那股强烈的吸引力慑住,有些心旌旗摇。 "Oh, you're quite right!" he said, turning his head away, and looking sideways, downwards, with that strange immobility of an old race that is hardly here in our present day. It was that that really made Connie lose her power to see him detached from herself. “嗯,你说得太对了!”他说,扭头把脸侧向一边,目光低垂,呈现出那种古老民族独有、现今罕见的静止状态。眼见对方如此冷淡地对待自己,康妮感到非常气馁。 He looked up at her with the full glance that saw everything, registered everything. At the same time, the infant crying in the night was crying out of his breast to her, in a way that affected her very womb. 他抬起头,饱含深情地凝望着她,将眼前的女子完完全全地收入眼底,也把自己心中的情意彻彻底底地传递出来。与此同时,他的胸腔中发出如同婴儿夜啼的声响,不知为何,这哭声让她的子宫都为之震颤。 "It's awfully nice of you to think of me," he said laconically. “你能如此为我着想,真是太令人感动了。”他毫不掩饰心中的情感。 "Why shouldn't I think of you?" she exclaimed, with hardly breath to utter it. “我为何不该为你着想呢?”她惊叫道,激动地几乎透不过气。 He gave the wry, quick hiss of a laugh. 他面容扭曲着快速地发出轻笑。 "Oh, in that way!... “哦,确实应该!…… May I hold your hand for a minute?" he asked suddenly, fixing his eyes on her with almost hypnotic power, and sending out an appeal that affected her direct in the womb. 能否让我握握你的柔荑?”他突然问道,两眼完全集中在她的身上,放射出近乎催眠的目光,那无可比拟的感染力直接震撼着她的子宫。 She stared at him, dazed and transfixed, and he went over and kneeled beside her, and took her two feet close in his two hands, and buried his face in her lap, remaining motionless. She was perfectly dim and dazed, looking down in a sort of amazement at the rather tender nape of his neck, feeling his face pressing her thighs. In all her burning dismay, she could not help putting her hand, with tenderness and compassion, on the defenceless nape of his neck, and he trembled, with a deep shudder. 她呆呆地望着他,感到头晕目眩,不知所措。他走上前来,跪在她的身旁,两手紧握住她的双足,把脸深埋进她的裙摆,一动不动。她的脑袋一片空白,讶异地望着他那白皙柔嫩的后颈,感觉到他的脸庞挤压着自己的大腿。尽管热血沸腾,心如鹿撞,她还是禁不住将手抚上那毫无防备的脖颈,充满柔情与怜爱,而跪在地上的他则剧烈地颤抖起来。 Then he looked up at her with that awful appeal in his full, glowing eyes. She was utterly incapable of resisting it. From her breast flowed the answering, immense yearning over him; she must give him anything, anything. 接着,他抬起头来望着她,炽热的目光中饱含着骇人的感染力。这目光让她完全失去抵抗的能力。胸中充溢着不可遏制的强烈欲求,那是对他求欢举动的回应。她要将自己的身心完全交托给眼前的这个男人,完全地。 He was a curious and very gentle lover, very gentle with the woman, trembling uncontrollably, and yet at the same time detached, aware, aware of every sound outside. 作为情人,他难得地温柔体贴,很懂得怜香惜玉,情不自禁地颤抖着,同时又能游离在情爱之外,对四周的每点声响都保持警惕。 To her it meant nothing except that she gave herself to him. And at length he ceased to quiver any more, and lay quite still, quite still. Then, with dim, compassionate fingers, she stroked his head, that lay on her breast. 对康妮而言,除了委身于他之外,其他的都已被抛诸脑后。云收雨毕,他终于不再战栗,静静地躺在那里,动也不动。然后,她伸出充满爱怜的纤指,轻抚着他依偎在自己胸前的头。 When he rose, he kissed both her hands, then both her feet, in their suède slippers, and in silence went away to the end of the room, where he stood with his back to her. There was silence for some minutes. Then he turned and came to her again as she sat in her old place by the fire. 温存过后,他站起身来,亲吻着她的双手,以及她穿着麂皮拖鞋的双脚,然后默不作声地走到房间尽头,背对着她立在那里。沉默持续了数分钟之久。然后他转过身来,再度回到她的身边,此时康妮则回到壁炉旁刚才坐的位置。 "And now, I suppose you'll hate me!" he said in a quiet, inevitable way. “我猜,此刻你想必会恨我的!”他平静的语调中流露出听天由命的意味。 She looked up at him quickly. 她旋即仰起头看着他。 "Why should I?" she asked. “我为什么该恨你?”她问。 "They mostly do," he said; then he caught himself up. "I mean...a woman is supposed to." "This is the last moment when I ought to hate you," she said resentfully. “她们大都如此,”他解释说,接着又纠正起自己的说法,“我的意思是……女人多半都会这样想。”“就算应该恨你,也不会是在此刻。”她气鼓鼓地说。 "I know! I know! It should be so! You're FRIGHTFULLY good to me..." he cried miserably. “我知道!我了解!应该是这样没错!你对我简直太好了……”他叫道,语调中满是悲切。 She wondered why he should be miserable. "Won't you sit down again?" she said. He glanced at the door. 她搞不懂这悲切是何来由。“你干嘛不再坐下来?”她问。而他的眼神却瞥向房门。 "Sir Clifford!" he said, "won't he...won't he be...?” She paused a moment to consider. "Perhaps!" she said. “克利福德爵士!”他说,“他会不会……他会不会觉察……?”她沉思片刻。“或许会!”她答道。 And she looked up at him. 说着抬头凝视着他。 "I don't want Clifford to know not even to suspect. It WOULD hurt him so much. But I don't think it's wrong, do you?” "Wrong! Good God, no! You're only too infinitely good to me...I can hardly bear it.” He turned aside, and she saw that in another moment he would be sobbing. “我不想让克利福德知道,甚至不愿他有所怀疑。那会使他异常痛苦。况且我不觉得这样做有什么错误,你觉得呢?”“错误!仁慈的上帝,当然没有!你只是对我太好了……几乎让我承担不起。”他扭过脸去,她看得出他几乎就要哽咽。 "But we needn't let Clifford know, need we?" she pleaded. "It would hurt him so. And if he never knows, never suspects, it hurts nobody." "Me!" he said, almost fiercely; "he'll know nothing from me! You see if he does. Me give myself away! Ha! Ha!" he laughed hollowly, cynically, at such an idea. She watched him in wonder. He said to her:" May I kiss your hand arid go? I'll run into Sheffield I think, and lunch there, if I may, and be back to tea. May I do anything for you? May I be sure you don't hate me?—and that you won't?”—he ended with a desperate note of cynicism. “但咱们没必要让克利福德知道,不是么?”她央求道。“那样只会伤他的心。只要他不明真相,不曾起疑,也就不会有人受到伤害。”“我!”他说,用近乎斩钉截铁的语气,“他绝不会从我口中知道任何事!”不信你就瞧着吧。我竟然会出卖自己?!哈!哈!”他的笑声空洞,显示出对这种想法的不屑一顾。她不明就里地望着他。他再次提出请求:“可否让我在动身前亲吻你的手?我想我要去趟谢菲尔德,可能的话,在那里吃顿午餐,下午茶的时候回来。有什么可以为你效劳的么?我当真可以确信你没有恨我?以后也永远不会恨我?”结束时的语气有强烈的讥诮意味。 "No, I don't hate you," she said. "I think you're nice.” "Ah!" he said to her fiercely, "I'd rather you said that to me than said you love me! It means such a lot more… Till afternoon then. I've plenty to think about till then.” He kissed her hands humbly and was gone. “放心,我不恨你,”她说,“反倒觉得你是个好人。”“啊!”他的语调饱含热情,“这句话甚至比你说爱我还要令我感动!对我而言,它意味着更多……那么下午见。在那之前,我有好多事情要好好思考一下。”他恭顺地吻了她的双手,转身离去。 "I don't think I can stand that young man," said Clifford at lunch. 吃午餐的时候,克利福德说:“我真有点受不了那小子。” "Why?" asked Connie. “为什么?”康妮问。 "He's such a bounder underneath his veneer...just waiting to bounce us.” "I think people have been so unkind to him," said Connie. “揭去光鲜的外表,他就是个不折不扣的下流坯……随时可能给我们带来威胁。”“我倒觉得是人们对他太不友善。”康妮说。 "Do you wonder? And do you think he employs his shining hours doing deeds of kindness?" "I think he has a certain sort of generosity." "Towards whom?" "I don't quite know.” "Naturally you don't. I'm afraid you mistake unscrupulousness for generosity.” Connie paused. Did she? It was just possible. Yet the unscrupulousness of Michaelis had a certain fascination for her. He went whole lengths where Clifford only crept a few timid paces. In his way he had conquered the world, which was what Clifford wanted to do. Ways and means...? Were those of Michaelis more despicable than those of Clifford? Was the way the poor outsider had shoved and bounced himself forward in person, and by the back doors, any worse than Clifford's way of advertising himself into prominence? The bitch-goddess, Success, was trailed by thousands of gasping, dogs with lolling tongues. So Michaelis could keep his tail up. The queer thing was, he didn't. “你感到不解么?难不成你以为他整日行善积德?”“我认为他有种宽宏的气度。”“对谁?”“我不太清楚。”“你当然不清楚。恐怕你只是误把寡廉鲜耻当成了宽宏大量。”康妮无言以对。当真如此么?确有这种可能。但正是米凯利斯不知廉耻的品性让她为之着迷。相对于克利福德的蹒跚学步,他早已功成名就。他以自己的方式征服世界,而这正是克利福德梦寐以求的。至于方法和途径……?米凯利斯所用的手段比克利福德的更加卑劣么?这个被社会边缘化的倒霉蛋,凭借自身的奋斗以及偷偷摸摸的伎俩扬名立万,而克利福德则依靠自我标榜和吹嘘上位,难道两者有什么本质的不同?成功,这位堕落女神,被千万只耷拉着舌头的狗,气喘吁吁地尾随在后。因此,米凯利斯大可以趾高气昂地翘起尾巴。但出人意料的是,他并没有如此地得意忘形。 He came back towards tea-time with a large handful of violets and lilies, and the same hang-dog expression. Connie wondered sometimes if it were a sort of mask to disarm opposition, because it was almost too fixed. Was he really such a sad dog? His sad-dog sort of extinguished self persisted all the evening, though through it Clifford felt the inner effrontery. Connie didn't feel it, perhaps because it was not directed against women; only against men, and their presumptions and assumptions. That indestructible, inward effrontery in the meagre fellow was what made men so down on Michaelis. His very presence was an affront to a man of society, cloak it as he might in an assumed good manner. 他果然在下午茶时分回到拉格比,手里捧着一大束紫罗兰和百合,垂头丧气的卑怯表情依然如故。康妮有时怀疑,这种神态是否是他用来瓦解对方敌对的面具,因为他总是那副可鄙的模样。他当真是只丧家犬么?整晚他都摆出那副可怜巴巴的丧气相,而在克利福德眼中,这不过是为了掩饰其厚颜无耻的本质。康妮却并不这么认为,或许这样的伎俩不会用在女人身上,而只针对男人,针对他们的专横和狂妄。这个瘦小枯干的家伙厚颜无耻到根深蒂固的程度,而正因为此,人们才会对他如此地深恶痛绝。无论装得多么斯文得体,他的存在对于上流社会的人们而言,都无异于公然侮辱。 Connie was in love with him, but she managed to sit with her embroidery and let the men talk, and not give herself away. As for Michaelis, he was perfect; exactly the same melancholic, attentive, aloof young fellow of the previous evening, millions of degrees remote from his hosts, but laconically playing up to them to the required amount, and never coming forth to them for a moment. Connie felt he must have forgotten the morning. He had not forgotten. But he knew where he was...in the same old place outside, where the born outsiders are. He didn't take the love-making altogether personally. He knew it would not change him from an ownerless dog, whom everybody begrudges its golden collar, into a comfortable society dog. 康妮爱上了他,但还是竭力坐在那里刺绣,聆听着男人们谈天说地,不露出任何蛛丝马迹。至于米凯利斯,他表现得无懈可击,依然是昨晚那个忧郁专注而又冷漠的青年,与克利福德夫妇远远地保持着距离,说话时言简意赅,既能投其所好,又做到适可而止,绝不大献殷勤。康妮甚至感觉他准是已经忘记上午的缠绵。他并未遗忘。但他深知自己所处的位置……被边缘化的处境未曾改变,依然游离在上流社会之外。他并没有太把那次偷情放在心上。他明白这并不能让自己从一只无主的流浪狗,摇身一变成为生活安逸的贵族狗,脖颈上套着的金项圈依然是人们嫉恨的目标。 The final fact being that at the very bottom of his soul he WAS an outsider, and anti-social, and he accepted the fact inwardly, no matter how Bond-Streety he was on the outside. His isolation was a necessity to him; just as the appearance of conformity and mixing-in with the smart people was also a necessity. 但最终的真相是,在灵魂深处,米凯利斯的确与上流社会格格不入,他厌恶虚情假意的交际,甚至在心底早已接受了这一事实,不管外表装扮得如何光鲜亮丽。孤独是其性格中不可或缺的组成部分,就像他表现出来的见贤思齐、力争跻身上流同样必不可少。 But occasional love, as a comfort arid soothing, was also a good thing, and he was not ungrateful. On the contrary, he was burningly, poignantly grateful for a piece of natural, spontaneous kindness: almost to tears. Beneath his pale, immobile, disillusioned face, his child's soul was sobbing with gratitude to the woman, and burning to come to her again; just as his outcast soul was knowing he would keep really clear of her. 偶尔涉足爱河,给身心以慰藉,倒也是件好事,而他也并非忘恩负义之辈。相反却对真诚自然的情感,抱有强烈而深切的感激,几乎因此潸然泪下。那张苍白的面孔流露出沉静寂寥的神态,而隐藏在其后的那孩童般的灵魂,更是对眼前女子感激涕零,迫不及待地想再度与她亲近,但那颗被放逐的心灵却深知,自己应该与她划清界限。 He found an opportunity to say to her, as they were lighting the candles in the hall: "May I come?" "I'll come to you," she said. 借着在走廊燃亮蜡烛的机会,他对她说:“我能去找你么?”“我会去找你的。”她应道。 "Oh, good!" He waited for her a long time...but she came. “哦,太好了!”他等了很久……她姗姗而来。 He was the trembling excited sort of lover, whose crisis soon came, and was finished. There was something curiously childlike and defenceless about his naked body: as children are naked. His defences were all in his wits and cunning, his very instincts of cunning, and when these were in abeyance he seemed doubly naked and like a child, of unfinished, tender flesh, and somehow struggling helplessly. 床笫上的他总是激动异常,全身战栗,高潮来得快,去得也快。他赤裸的身体尤其如同婴孩般无助,因为孩童们总会不着一缕。全赖机智的头脑与狡黠的天性,他才能保全自我,而当此两者无从发挥之时,他就变得加倍赤裸,愈发与孩童无异,肉体娇嫩纤弱,发育尚未完全,徒劳的挣扎显得那样无力。 He roused in the woman a wild sort of compassion and yearning, and a wild, craving physical desire. The physical desire he did not satisfy in her; he was always come and finished so quickly, then shrinking down on her breast, and recovering somewhat his effrontery while she lay dazed, disappointed, lost. 他激发出康妮狂野的怜爱和渴望,还有疯狂的、按耐不住的情欲。但他却无法令她的欲望得以满足,来去匆匆的高潮过后,就会蜷缩在她的胸口,逐渐恢复他无耻的嘴脸,而她却只能怔怔地躺在那里,怅然若失。 But then she soon learnt to hold him, to keep him there inside her when his crisis was over. And there he was generous and curiously potent; he stayed firm inside her, giving to her, while she was active...wildly, passionately active, coming to her own crisis. 但很快,她就学会掌控他,当高潮过后,仍把他留在体内。他也积极配合,始终保持充盈状态,在她的体内坚挺不倒,将整个身体交托给她,任她摇摆……狂热地摇摆,疯狂地摇摆,直到她的高潮来临。 And as he felt the frenzy of her achieving her own orgasmic satisfaction from his hard, erect passivity, he had a curious sense of pride and satisfaction. 他感受到了自己顺从的坚挺给她带来的高潮的极度快感,莫名的自豪和愉悦油然而生。 "Ah, how good!" she whispered tremulously, and she became quite still, clinging to him. And he lay there in his own isolation, but somehow proud. “啊,太美妙了!”她喃喃道,身子抖动着。一会儿后就安静下来,紧紧依偎着他。而他平躺着,享受着孤寂之中的些许自豪。 He stayed that time only the three days, and to Clifford was exactly the same as on the first evening; to Connie also. There was no breaking down his external man. 那次他只逗留了三天,在克利福德看来,他跟第一天晚上没什么两样,康妮也没有看出任何破绽。他的表面功夫做得可算无懈可击。 He wrote to Connie with the same plaintive melancholy note as ever, sometimes witty, and touched with a queer, sexless affection. A kind of hopeless affection he seemed to feel for her, and the essential remoteness remained the same. He was hopeless at the very core of him, and he wanted to be hopeless. He rather hated hope. "UNE IMMENSE ESPÉRANCE A TRAVERSÉ LA TERRE”, he read somewhere, and his comment was: “—AND IT'S DARNED-WELL DROWNED EVERYTHING WORTH HAVING.” Connie never really understood him, but, in her way, she loved him. And all the time she felt the reflection of his hopelessness in her. She couldn't quite, quite love in hopelessness. And he, being hopeless, couldn't ever quite love at all. 他给康妮写信时,哀怨忧郁的口吻一如既往,时而点缀着机智,某种怪异的情感掺杂其中,却不带有任何情欲的成分。他似乎对彼此间的感情并不抱希望,因此从来不会表现得过于亲近。在内心深处,他从不相信希望的存在,也不愿与希望扯上任何干系。他甚至对希望怀有厌恶之情。他曾在某处读到过这样的诗句:“希望的狂潮席卷大地。”而他给出的评价则是:“它将一切有价值的东西尽数淹没。”康妮从未真正了解过他,但却以自己的方式爱着他。她始终有这样的感觉,即他对这段感情不抱希望。她却无法在希望无存的状态下,全身心地去爱对方。而他,因为与希望绝缘,自然也从未能够深爱过某人。 So they went on for quite a time, writing, and meeting occasionally in London. She still wanted the physical, sexual thrill she could get with him by her own activity, his little orgasm being over. And he still wanted to give it her. Which was enough to keep them connected. 两人的私情维系了很久,飞鸿传情,间或在伦敦幽会。她依然渴望那种令人迷醉的性快感,虽然只是在对方短暂的高潮结束后,靠自己的挺动得来的。而他也仍旧愿意满足她的欲求。而这已经足够延续两人之间的关系。 And enough to give her a subtle sort of self-assurance, something blind and a little arrogant. It was an almost mechanical confidence in her own powers, and went with a great cheerfulness. 更使她产生某种微妙的自得,盲目而又带有些许傲慢。那几乎是对自身力量机械的自信,同时伴随着强烈的愉悦感。 She was terrifically cheerful at Wragby. And she used all her aroused cheerfulness and satisfaction to stimulate Clifford, so that he wrote his best at this time, and was almost happy in his strange blind way. He really reaped the fruits of the sensual satisfaction she got out of Michaelis' male passivity erect inside her. But of course he never knew it, and if he had, he wouldn't have said thank you! 身在拉格比的她也雀跃异常。她也以所有被唤醒的愉悦心情和满足感来激励克利福德,因此,这段时间他的作品质量最为上乘,而不明真相的他也几乎奇怪地被妻子的快乐所感染。她从米凯利斯被动的坚挺中得到性快感,而他也从这种肉体的满足感中受益匪浅。当然,他始终被蒙在鼓里,如果知道事情的真相,他绝不会有半点感激之意! Yet when those days of her grand joyful cheerfulness and stimulus were gone, quite gone, and she was depressed and irritable, how Clifford longed for them again! Perhaps if he'd known he might even have wished to get her and Michaelis together again. 但当那妙不可言的愉悦和刺激消逝得无踪无影后,她变得意志消沉,烦躁易怒,而克利福德多么希望那过去的好时光能够重来!若他明晰个中缘由,或许甚至会希望妻子与米凯利斯鸳梦重温也未可知。 第四章 Connie always had a foreboding of the hopelessness of her affair with Mick, as people called him. Yet other men seemed to mean nothing to her. She was attached to Clifford. He wanted a good deal of her life and she gave it to him. But she wanted a good deal from the life of a man, and this Clifford did not give her; could not. There were occasional spasms of Michaelis. But, as she knew by foreboding, that would come to an end. Mick COULDN'T keep anything up. It was part of his very being that he must break off any connexion, and be loose, isolated, absolutely lone dog again. It was his major necessity, even though he always said: She turned me down! 康妮总预感自己与米克——人们总是这样称呼他——的私情不会有什么结果。可其他男人又很难让她提起兴趣。克利福德对她充满依恋。他需要她将大量精力倾注在自己身上,而她也满足他的要求。但她也需要某个男人的大量精力,可克利福德没有也无法做到这些。她不时与米凯利斯欢愉一番。但预感告诉她,这种关系迟早都将结束。米克做任何事都是有始无终。他的天性就是如此,必须将所有情感的羁绊尽数断绝,重新做回那只自由自在、无牵无挂、绝对孤单的流浪狗。他迫切地需要如此,尽管总是将这样的话挂在嘴边:是她拒绝我的! The world is supposed to be full of possibilities, but they narrow down to pretty few in most personal experience. There's lots of good fish in the sea...maybe...but the vast masses seem to be mackerel or herring, and if you're not mackerel or herring yourself you are likely to find very few good fish in the sea. 世界本就充满无限可能,但具体到个人经历,就往往变得极其有限。大海里有林林总总的优良鱼种……或许……其中绝大多数似乎都是鲭鱼或者鲱鱼,如果你不在其列,就很可能发现不了多少好鱼。 Clifford was making strides into fame, and even money. People came to see him. Connie nearly always had somebody at Wragby. But if they weren't mackerel they were herring, with an occasional cat-fish, or conger-eel. 克利福德名声日隆,收益颇丰。自然少不了有慕名到访者。康妮几乎天天都要款待各色宾朋。但他们不是鲭鱼,就是鲱鱼,偶尔会见到鲶鱼,或者海鳗。 There were a few regular men, constants; men who had been at Cambridge with Clifford. There was Tommy Dukes, who had remained in the army, and was a Brigadier-General. "The army leaves me time to think, and saves me from having to face the battle of life," he said. 其中也有几位常客,算是克利福德的至交好友,曾在剑桥求学时就已熟稔。名唤汤米·杜克斯的那位仍在军界效力,此时已荣升准将。他说:“置身军旅让我有更多的时间去思考,使我得以摆脱生活的争斗。” There was Charles May, an Irishman, who wrote scientifically about stars. There was Hammond, another writer. All were about the same age as Clifford; the young intellectuals of the day. They all believed in the life of the mind. What you did apart from that was your private affair, and didn't much matter. No one thinks of inquiring of another person at what hour he retires to the privy. It isn't interesting to anyone but the person concerned. 名叫查尔斯·梅的那位来自爱尔兰,写些介绍天体的科普作品。而叫做哈蒙德的那位同样身为作家。他们都跟克利福德年龄相仿,均是当时年轻有为的知识分子。他们都无一例外地笃信精神生活。除此之外,其他的都是无关痛痒的私事。没人会想去打听人家何时如厕。这种事情只与自己有关,其他人不会有半点兴趣。 And so with most of the matters of ordinary life...how you make your money, or whether you love your wife, or if you have "affairs". All these matters concern only the person concerned, and, like going to the privy, have no interest for anyone else. 多数日常琐事均是如此……你怎么捞钱,与妻子是否恩爱,有没有风流韵事。所有这些都只是个人私事,跟上厕所没啥两样,不会引起他人的兴趣。 "The whole point about the sexual problem," said Hammond, who was a tall thin fellow with a wife and two children, but much more closely connected with a typewriter, "is that there is no point to it. Strictly there is no problem. We don't want to follow a man into the w.c., so why should we want to follow him into bed with a woman? And therein lie the problem. If we took no more notice of the one thing than the other, there'd be no problem. It's all utterly senseless and pointless; a matter of misplaced curiosity.” "Quite, Hammond, quite! But if someone starts making love to Julia, you begin to simmer; and if he goes on, you are soon at boiling point."...Julia was Hammond's wife. “说到性的问题,其要点就是没有要点。”身材细高的哈蒙德打开话匣子,他跟发妻育有两子,但却跟个打字员搞得火热。“严格来说,这根本就算不得问题。我们不会想跟着人家进厕所,那么干嘛要去关心别人跟哪个女的上床呢?这就是问题所在。如果我们能将二者同等看待,问题自然也就不复存在了。本就是索然寡味至极的事情,不过是好奇心错用了地方而已。”“说的没错,哈蒙德,一针见血!但要是有人试图追求茱莉亚,你准会怒不可遏;要是他还敢纠缠不休,你很快就会怒气冲天了。”,茱莉亚是哈蒙德的妻子。 "Why, exactly! So I should be if he began to urinate in a corner of my drawing-room. There's a place for all these things.” "You mean you wouldn't mind if he made love to Julia in some discreet alcove?” Charlie May was slightly satirical, for he had flirted a very little with Julia, and Hammond had cut up very roughly. “那当然!如果有人胆敢在我家客厅墙角撒尿,总该在合适的地点做恰当的事。”“你是说如果有人跟茱莉亚背地里卿卿我我,你反倒会毫不介意?”查理·梅语略带讽刺,当日这位仁兄就曾跟茱莉亚眉目传情,搞得哈蒙德大为光火。 "Of course I should mind. Sex is a private thing between me and Julia; and of course I should mind anyone else trying to mix in." "As a matter of fact," said the lean and freckled Tommy Dukes, who looked much more Irish than May, who was pale and rather fat: "As a matter of fact, Hammond, you have a strong property instinct, and a strong will to self-assertion, and you want success. Since I've been in the army definitely, I've got out of the way of the world, and now I see how inordinately strong the craving for self-assertion and success is in men. It is enormously overdeveloped. All our individuality has run that way. And of course men like you think you'll get through better with a woman's backing. That's why you're so jealous. That's what sex is to you...a vital little dynamo between you and Julia, to bring success. If you began to be unsuccessful you'd begin to flirt, like Charlie, who isn't successful. Married people like you and Julia have labels on you, like travellers' trunks. Julia is labelled MRS ARNOLD B. HAMMOND —just like a trunk on the railway that belongs to somebody. And you are labelled ARNOLD B. HHAMMOND, C/O MRS ARNOLD B. HAMMOND. Oh, you're quite right, you're quite right! The life of the mind needs a comfortable house and decent cooking. You're quite right. It even needs posterity. But it all hinges on the instinct for success. That is the pivot on which all things turn.” Hammond looked rather piqued. He was rather proud of the integrity of his mind, and of his NOT being a time-server. None the less, he did want success. “我当然介意。性爱本是我们夫妻的私事,别人妄想横插一杠,我怎么会无动于衷?”“说实话,”汤米·杜克斯接过话茬,他身材干瘦,满脸雀斑,若论长相,比白皙肥硕的梅更像爱尔兰人,“说实话,哈蒙德,你欲壑难填,骄横自负,对成功充满渴望。因为我身在行伍,便少涉世事,如今却发现世人争名逐利的欲求已经强烈到无可附加的地步。这种趋势如火如荼,不可抑制。几乎人人都沉迷此道。当然,你这样的男人认为有贤内助的支持,会更接近成功。因此才会妒火中烧。性爱对你而言……是台不可或缺的小发动机,用来维系你与茱莉亚的感情,以便获得最终的成功。如果遭遇挫折,就会投身情场,失意的查理便是如此。你和茱莉亚这样的已婚夫妇都贴有标签,好像旅行者拖的行李箱。茱莉亚的标签上面写着‘阿诺德·B·哈蒙德太太’——如同火车上某人托运的皮箱。而你的上面则有如此的字样‘阿诺德·B·哈蒙德,由其夫人转交。’噢,你做得很对,毫无差错!舒适的住处,美味的饭菜都是精神生活的必需品。你的想法无可指摘。繁衍后代更是必不可少的。但对成功的渴望是绝对的轴心。一切都围绕着它运转。”哈蒙德显得异常恼火。他自诩清正高洁,从不屑于趋炎附势,因此也颇为得意。尽管如此,他确实对成功充满渴求。 "It's quite true, you can't live without cash," said May. "You've got to have a certain amount of it to be able to live and get along...even to be free to think you must have a certain amount of money, or your stomach stops you. But it seems to me you might leave the labels off sex. We're free to talk to anybody; so why shouldn't we be free to make love to any woman who inclines us that way?” "There speaks the lascivious Celt," said Clifford. “说得太对了,没钱确实无法过活。”梅说。“要生存,要度日,可得有不小的一笔钱……甚至自由思考都是如此,否则肚子可不会答应。但依我看,在性爱的领域,你大可把标签揭去。既然可以跟任何人畅所欲言,为何不能跟属意自己的女子尽情欢好呢?”“淫荡无耻的凯尔特人才会这么说。”克利福德说。 "Lascivious! well, why not—? I can't see I do a woman any more harm by sleeping with her than by dancing with her...or even talking to her about the weather. It's just an interchange of sensations instead of ideas, so why not?” "Be as promiscuous as the rabbits!" said Hammond. “淫荡无耻!哟,为什么不呢——?跟女人同寝也好,共舞……或者谈论天气也罢,我不觉得前者会对她带来更大的伤害。只不过是感觉的交流代替了思想的交换,那么何乐而不为呢?”“像兔子那样肆意苟合!”哈蒙德说。 "Why not? What's wrong with rabbits? Are they any worse than a neurotic, revolutionary humanity, full of nervous hate?” "But we're not rabbits, even so," said Hammond. “有什么不妥么?兔子招谁惹谁了?比起神经兮兮、叫嚣着革命、满脑袋仇恨的人类,它们难道还要恶劣几分么?”“但我们终归不是兔子。”哈蒙德说。 "Precisely! I have my mind: I have certain calculations to make in certain astronomical matters that concern me almost more than life or death. Sometimes indigestion interferes with me. Hunger would interfere with me disastrously. In the same way starved sex interferes with me. What then?” "I should have thought sexual indigestion from surfeit would have interfered with you more seriously," said Hammond satirically. “确实如此!我们拥有思想意识,对我而言,计算一些天文学问题甚至比生死来得更重要。有时消化不良会妨碍我的工作。饥饿带来的影响会更加严重。性饥渴也会起到同样的效果。该怎么来应对这些问题呢?”“如果我猜得没错,纵欲过度引起的性消化不良,恐怕对你的影响尤甚。”哈蒙德挖苦道。 "Not it! I don't over-eat myself and I don't over-fuck myself. One has a choice about eating too much. But you would absolutely starve me.” "Not at all! You can marry." "How do you know I can? It may not suit the process of my mind. Marriage might...and would...stultify my mental processes. I'm not properly pivoted that way...and so must I be chained in a kennel like a monk? All rot and funk, my boy. I must live and do my calculations. I need women sometimes. I refuse to make a mountain of it, and I refuse anybody's moral condemnation or prohibition. I'd be ashamed to see a woman walking around with my name-label on her, address and railway station, like a wardrobe trunk.” These two men had not forgiven each other about the Julia flirtation. “一派胡言!我从不暴饮暴食,也绝不会纵欲过度。人完全可以控制自己的食量。但如果没得吃,就不得不接受成为饿殍的命运。”“才不会呢!你可以娶妻呀。”“你怎么知道我愿意结婚?婚姻或许不太符合我的思想观念。婚姻也许……会让我变得反应迟钝。我还没打定主意要结婚……难道我就该像僧侣一样,把自己锁在狗笼里么?这实在是陈腐不堪的愚蠢念头,我的朋友。我必须存活下去,为的是继续自己的天文学事业。偶尔我也会需要女人。这没什么值得小题大做的,任何人都无权以道德为由,来指责或者阻止我。如果看到哪个女人贴着写有我名字的标牌四处招摇,就像写明地址和火车班次的行李箱,我准会羞愧难当。”这两个男人显然还在为茱莉亚调情的事情耿耿于怀。 "It's an amusing idea, Charlie," said Dukes, "that sex is just another form of talk, where you act the words instead of saying them. I suppose it's quite true. I suppose we might exchange as many sensations and emotions with women as we do ideas about the weather, and so on. Sex might be a sort of normal physical conversation between a man and a woman. You don't talk to a woman unless you have ideas in common: that is you don't talk with any interest. And in the same way, unless you had some emotion or sympathy in common with a woman you wouldn't sleep with her. But if you had...” "If you have the proper sort of emotion or sympathy with a woman, you ought to sleep with her," said May. "It's the only decent thing, to go to bed with her. Just as, when you are interested talking to someone, the only decent thing is to have the talk out. You don't prudishly put your tongue between your teeth and bite it. You just say out your say. And the same the other way.” "No," said Hammond. "It's wrong. You, for example, May, you squander half your force with women. You'll never really do what you should do, with a fine mind such as yours. Too much of it goes the other way.” "Maybe it does...and too little of you goes that way, Hammond, my boy, married or not. You can keep the purity and integrity of your mind, but it's going damned dry. Your pure mind is going as dry as fiddlesticks, from what I see of it. You're simply talking it down.” Tommy Dukes burst into a laugh. “你的想法可真有趣,查理,”杜克斯说,“性爱只是另一种交流方式,用实际行动把言语表达出来,而不是用嘴巴说出来。依我看,这种观点再正确不过。我们或许可以像交换对天气以及其他问题的看法一样,同异性分享彼此的感觉和情绪。性爱是男女之间习以为常的身体对话方式。如果你与某位异性看法相悖,就不会同她交谈,也就是说沟通要以兴趣为根本的出发点。同样的道理,如果在情感维度缺少共鸣,你也不会产生与异性双宿双栖的欲望。但如果你确实……”“如果确实与某位异性情感相通,一拍即合,就应该跟她共度春宵,”梅说,“和她颠鸾倒凤是唯一该做的事情。就像你跟某人聊得热火朝天,唯一该做的事就是畅所欲言。而不会故作扭捏,闭口不言。只会痛痛快快地将心里的话说出来。两者有异曲同工之处。”“错,”哈蒙德矢口否认,“大错特错。就拿你来说吧,梅,你把半数的精力挥霍在女人身上。虽然才华横溢,但却从未得到淋漓尽致的发挥。在左道旁门上花的心思太多。”“此话或许有理……但哈蒙德,我的朋友,不管婚配与否,你却在男女之事上不够用心。你能够保持心灵的纯洁和正直没错,但它却会逐渐干涸。在我看来,你那颗纯净的心就会枯干得像根小提琴弓。你的高谈阔论恰恰是对自我心灵的贬低。”汤米·杜克斯勃然大笑。 "Go it, you two minds!" he said. "Look at me...I don't do any high and pure mental work, nothing but jot down a few ideas. And yet I neither marry nor run after women. I think Charlie's quite right; if he wants to run after the women, he's quite free not to run too often. But I wouldn't prohibit him from running. As for Hammond, he's got a property instinct, so naturally the straight road and the narrow gate are right for him. You'll see he'll be an English Man of Letters before he's done A.B.C. from top to toe. Then there's me. I'm nothing. Just a squib. And what about you, Clifford? Do you think sex is a dynamo to help a man on to success in the world?” Clifford rarely talked much at these times. He never held forth; his ideas were really not vital enough for it, he was too confused and emotional. Now he blushed and looked uncomfortable. “别争了,两位大思想家!”他说,“看看我……我从不从事高尚纯洁的思想事业,只是草草记下几个想法。我没结婚,也不去追求女人。我完全认同查理的观点,要是他想追求异性,大可以放手去做,而只需注意适可而止。但我不会阻止他这么做。至于哈蒙德,由于强烈的占有欲作祟,因此对他而言,安分守己和防患未然也是正确的选择。等着瞧吧,有朝一日,他会跻身英国大文豪的行列,从头到脚散发着书卷的气息。而我呢,简直无足轻重。只是喜欢信口胡言而已。你呢,克利福德?性爱是男人功成名就的助推器,对此你怎么看?”每逢这种场合,克利福德都绝少开口说话。从不会滔滔不绝地发表意见,他的观点也的确摆不上台面,往往连他自己都捋不清头绪,又太过感情用事。现在,他的脸涨得通红,表情很是尴尬。 "Well!" he said, "being myself HORS DE COMBAT, I don't see I've anything to say on the matter.” "Not at all," said Dukes, "the top of you's by no means HORS DE COMBAT. You've got the life of the mind sound and intact. So let us hear your ideas.” "Well," stammered Clifford, "even then I don't suppose I have much idea...I suppose marry—and—have—done—with—it would pretty well stand for what I think. Though of course between a man and woman who care for one another, it is a great thing.” "What sort of great thing?" said Tommy. “呃!”克利福德迟疑道,“我已是残废之人,关于这个问题没什么好说的。”“此言差矣,”杜克斯说,“你的上半身可是完好无缺。且精神生活也没有受到丝毫影响。不妨让我们听听你的高论。”“那好,”克利福德吞吞吐吐地说,“尽管如此,我还是没什么意见……或许‘结婚完事’足以代表我的想法。当然,对于相互倾慕的男女而言,性爱的确至关重要。”“怎么个重要法呢?”汤米追问道。 "Oh...it perfects the intimacy," said Clifford, uneasy as a woman in such talk. “嗯……它可以拉近彼此的情感。”克利福德说,涉及到这一话题时,他局促不安的样子活像个女人。 "Well, Charlie and I believe that sex is a sort of communication like speech. Let any woman start a sex conversation with me, and it's natural for me to go to bed with her to finish it, all in due season. Unfortunately no woman makes any particular start with me, so I go to bed by myself; and am none the worse for it… I hope so, anyway, for how should I know? Anyhow I've no starry calculations to be interfered with, and no immortal works to write. I'm merely a fellow skulking in the army...” Silence fell. The four men smoked. And Connie sat there and put another stitch in her sewing… Yes, she sat there! She had to sit mum. She had to be quiet as a mouse, not to interfere with the immensely important speculations of these highly-mental gentlemen. But she had to be there. They didn't get on so well without her; their ideas didn't flow so freely. Clifford was much more hedgy and nervous, he got cold feet much quicker in Connie's absence, and the talk didn't run. Tommy Dukes came off best; he was a little inspired by her presence. Hammond she didn't really like; he seemed so selfish in a mental way. And Charles May, though she liked something about him, seemed a little distasteful and messy, in spite of his stars. “这样啊,我和查理都认为性爱和谈话没啥两样,不过是种交流的方式。要是那名女子要跟我展开性对话,一旦时机成熟,我自然不会放过在床上跟她成其好事的机会。不幸的是,没有女人要和我进行此种交流,因此我只好独守空床,而这也没什么不好的……至少我希望如此,不管怎样,我怎么能够通晓天机呢?我没有天文学问题要去烦忧,也没有不朽著作要去书写。我只是个躲在行伍间、逃避世事的家伙而已……”沉默再度降临。四个男人一声不吭地吸着烟。坐在一旁的康妮继续摆弄着手上的针线活……没错,她就坐在那里!她不得不默不作声地坐在那里。她必须静默得像只老鼠,以免打扰这些才思敏捷的绅士们做出惊世骇俗的推断。但她又必须在场。没有她的存在,男人们的谈论不会如此热火朝天,他们的思路也不会如此敏捷灵活。妻子不在身边,克利福德会变得更加拘谨和胆怯,甚至更快失去发言的勇气,谈话自然也就无法进行下去。汤米·杜克斯的表现最为抢眼,显然是康妮的在场让他颇受鼓舞。她对哈蒙德不太感冒,那家伙的精神太过狭隘。至于查尔斯·梅,虽说也有几分讨她欢喜,但这位仁兄尽管以星辰为研究对象,其谈吐却粗俗无礼,条理混乱。 How many evenings had Connie sat and listened to the manifestations of these four men! these, and one or two others. That they never seemed to get anywhere didn't trouble her deeply. She liked to hear what they had to say, especially when Tommy was there. It was fun. Instead of men kissing you, and touching you with their bodies, they revealed their minds to you. It was great fun! But what cold minds! 无数个夜晚康妮就坐在那里,静静听着这四个男人闲扯。这四位是固定组合,偶尔也会有其他一两人加入其中。他们探讨的话题似乎永无定论,这一点康妮并不怎么在意。她热衷于听他们说出心底的话,尤其是汤米在场的时候。这是种有趣的经历。非是亲吻,非是身体上的爱抚,此刻男人们是在向你吐露自己的心声。这确实是妙趣横生的体验!但是他们的心声竟然也冷酷异常! And also it was a little irritating. She had more respect for Michaelis, on whose name they all poured such withering contempt, as a little mongrel arriviste, and uneducated bounder of the worst sort. Mongrel and bounder or not, he jumped to his own conclusions. He didn't merely walk round them with millions of words, in the parade of the life of the mind. 有时康妮也会感到忿忿不平。她对米凯利斯的敬重之情远胜这些自命不凡的家伙,可他们却极尽诋毁之能事,将他斥为争名逐利不择手段的小杂种,没有教养的下流胚。杂种也好,无赖也罢,米凯利斯总会快速得出自己的结论。而不会只是漫无边际地夸夸其谈,炫耀自己的精神生活。 Connie quite liked the life of the mind, and got a great thrill out of it. But she did think it overdid itself a little. She loved being there, amidst the tobacco smoke of those famous evenings of the cronies, as she called them privately to herself. She was infinitely amused, and proud too, that even their talking they could not do, without her silent presence. She had an immense respect for thought...and these men, at least, tried to think honestly. But somehow there was a cat, and it wouldn't jump. They all alike talked at something, though what it was, for the life of her she couldn't say. It was something that Mick didn't clear, either. 对于精神生活,康妮倒是颇有好感,并且从中得到极大的愉悦。但在她看来,他们对此有点过分看重。她喜欢呆在那里,置身于烟雾缭绕的良朋之夜——她私底下这样称呼他们的聚会。若她缺席,他们就会失去谈天说地的劲头,为此,康妮觉得着实有趣,也很是得意。她对思想极其敬畏……也对这些男人们心怀敬佩,至少他们还愿意一本正经地去思考问题。但不知何故,她始终无法参透其中的秘密究竟为何。他们周而复始地大谈特谈,但究竟话题的中心是什么,就算穷尽一生的时间,她也不能说出所以然来。就算是米克也搞不清楚。 But then Mick wasn't trying to do anything, but just get through his life, and put as much across other people as they tried to put across him. He was really anti-social, which was what Clifford and his cronies had against him. Clifford and his cronies were not anti-social; they were more or less bent on saving mankind, or on instructing it, to say the least. 不过,米凯利斯已经失去进取之心,只求消磨光阴,若是被人欺骗,就会以彼之道还施彼身。他确实与社会潮流背道而驰,而这正是克利福德及其好友们切齿痛恨他的关键。他们一向依照社会惯例行事,甚至有些决心拯救全人类,或者至少扮演教化世人的角色。 There was a gorgeous talk on Sunday evening, when the conversation drifted again to love. 周日晚间的聚会,大家谈得兴致盎然,话题的焦点再度转回到爱情上。 "Blest be the tie that binds Our hearts in kindred something—or—other”— said Tommy Dukes. "I'd like to know what the tie is… The tie that binds us just now is mental friction on one another. And, apart from that, there's damned little tie between us. We bust apart, and say spiteful things about one another, like all the other damned intellectuals in the world. Damned everybodies, as far as that goes, for they all do it. Else we bust apart, and cover up the spiteful things we feel against one another by saying false sugaries. It's a curious thing that the mental life seems to flourish with its roots in spite, ineffable and fathomless spite. Always has been so! Look at Socrates, in Plato, and his bunch round him! The sheer spite of it all, just sheer joy in pulling somebody else to bits… Protagoras, or whoever it was! And Alcibiades, and all the other little disciple dogs joining in the fray! I must say it makes one prefer Buddha, quietly sitting under a bo-tree, or Jesus, telling his disciples little Sunday stories, peacefully, and without any mental fireworks. No, there's something wrong with the mental life, radically. It's rooted in spite and envy, envy and spite. Ye shall know the tree by its fruit.” "I don't think we're altogether so spiteful," protested Clifford. “祝福那连接心灵的纽带,无论是亲情或是其他情感……”汤米·杜克斯说。“我想搞明白这纽带到底是什么……此刻连接你我的纽带,是彼此心智的角力。然而除此之外,我们之间的联系就少得可怜。一旦分道扬镳,就会恶语相向,像所有其他彼此相轻的文人没啥两样。在这个事情上,任何人都不能免俗,因为现实的状况就是如此。或者,我们会将对彼此的恨意用虚假的甜言蜜语加以掩饰。若非深植于无法理解、难以言喻的怨恨之中,精神生活似乎就很难出现欣欣向荣的景象,原因何在,确实让人无法理解。自古以来就是如此。看看柏拉图(注:约前427年-前347年,古希腊哲学家,思想家)如何评价苏格拉底(注:公元前469年-公元前399年,古希腊哲学家,思想家,柏拉图的老师)吧,还有追随他左右的那帮拥趸!毫不掩饰心中的怨恨,以将对方驳得体无完肤为乐事……普罗塔哥拉(注:约公元前481年-公元前411年,古希腊哲学家,诡辩学派的代表人物),或是管他叫什么呢!还有亚西比德(注:约公元前450年-404年,古希腊政治家,军事家),以及其他参与论战的门徒弟子们!我不得不承认,相对而言,佛陀无疑更值得崇敬,他静坐在菩提树下参悟禅理,还有耶稣基督,他平心静气地向门徒布道,从无意气之争。或者说,精神生活根本就存在着问题。它在怨恨和妒忌,妒忌与怨恨之中生根发芽。正所谓见其果而知其树。”“我不相信大家如此仇视彼此。”克利福德提出异议。 "My dear Clifford, think of the way we talk each other over, all of us. I'm rather worse than anybody else, myself. Because I infinitely prefer the spontaneous spite to the concocted sugaries; now they ARE poison; when I begin saying what a fine fellow Clifford is, etc., etc., then poor Clifford is to be pitied. For God's sake, all of you, say spiteful things about me, then I shall know I mean something to you. Don't say sugaries, or I'm done.” "Oh, but I do think we honestly like one another," said Hammond. “亲爱的克利福德,想想我们互相议论的样子吧,我们所有人。我本人就是其中最为恶劣的一个。因为我宁愿被咬牙切齿地痛恨,也不愿接受惺惺作态的奉承,因为那些跟毒药无异。若我开始对克利福德大肆吹捧,说你如何出色,如何优秀,那么克利福德这家伙就实在可怜。看在上帝的份上,拜托各位,请尽量说我的坏话吧,最起码这样还说明你们把我放在眼里。收起那些甜言蜜语,不然我就完了。”“哦,可是我真的认为咱们之间是真诚地互相喜欢的。”哈蒙德说。 "I tell you we must...we say such spiteful things to one another, about one another, behind our backs! I'm the worst.” "And I do think you confuse the mental life with the critical activity. I agree with you, Socrates gave the critical activity a grand start, but he did more than that," said Charlie May, rather magisterially. The cronies had such a curious pomposity under their assumed modesty. It was all so EX CATHEDRA , and it all pretended to be so humble. “我可以肯定地告诉你……我们背地里都没少说彼此的坏话!而我更是其中最坏的一个。”“我想你准是把精神生活和现实的批评混为一谈了。你说的没错,苏格拉底确实开创了批评之风,但他的功绩绝非仅此一桩。”查理·梅一本正经地说。这帮好友们个个自命不凡,表面上却装出温恭自谦的样子。虽然自认为是绝对权威,但仍勉为其难,假作谦谦君子。 Dukes refused to be drawn about Socrates. 杜克斯就此打住,再也不提苏格拉底半字。 "That's quite true, criticism and knowledge are not the same thing," said Hammond. “说得没错,批评和知识根本不是一码事。”哈蒙德说。 "They aren't, of course," chimed in Berry, a brown, shy young man, who had called to see Dukes, and was staying the night. “当然是两回事。”贝里附和道。这位有着褐色头发的腼腆青年专程来找杜克斯,夜间便留宿拉格比。 They all looked at him as if the ass had spoken. 所有人都将目光转移到他身上,好像听见驴子开口说话了。 "I wasn't talking about knowledge… I was talking about the mental life," laughed Dukes. "Real knowledge comes out of the whole corpus of the consciousness; out of your belly and your penis as much as out of your brain and mind. The mind can only analyse and rationalize. Set the mind and the reason to cock it over the rest, and all they can do is to criticize, and make a deadness. I say ALL they can do. It is vastly important. My God, the world needs criticizing today...criticizing to death. Therefore let's live the mental life, and glory in our spite, and strip the rotten old show. But, mind you, it's like this: while you live your life, you are in some way an Organic whole with all life. But once you start the mental life you pluck the apple. You've severed the connexion between, the apple and the tree: the organic connexion. And if you've got nothing in your life but the mental life, then you yourself are a plucked apple...you've fallen off the tree. And then it is a logical necessity to be spiteful, just as it's a natural necessity for a plucked apple to go bad.” Clifford made big eyes: it was all stuff to him. Connie secretly laughed to herself. “我说的不是知识……而是精神生活。”杜克斯笑道。“真正的知识来源自意识的整个躯体,不但来自头脑和心灵,而且来自腹部甚至生殖器。借助思维,我们仅能分析和推理。如果让思维和理性占据上风,那么所能做的就只剩下批评,扼杀一切。除此之外,没有其他事可做。批评的作用举足轻重。天呐,当今世界简直太需要批评了……一针见血的批评。那么,就让我们活在自己的精神世界中吧,以被仇视为荣,戳穿那陈腐的老把戏。但是,需要提醒各位的是:当你置身于现实生活,只不过是和其他生命共同组成一个有机的整体。然而一旦开启精神生活,就好比将苹果从树上摘下来。切断了苹果与树之间的联系,那种有机的联系。如果除了精神生活,你一无所有,那么你就成了一颗被摘下来的苹果……已然从树上坠落。这样一来,仇视一切就成为合乎情理的需要,就像被摘下来的苹果必然会慢慢腐烂一样。”克利福德瞪大了眼睛:这席话对于他来说简直毫无意义。康妮不禁暗自发笑。 "Well then we're all plucked apples," said Hammond, rather acidly and petulantly. “那么,大家都变成摘下来的苹果了。”哈蒙德的语气中包含着嘲讽和愠怒。 "So let's make cider of ourselves," said Charlie. “倒是可以用自己来酿苹果酒。”查理说。 "But what do you think of Bolshevism?" put in the brown Berry, as if everything had led up to it. “可你们对布尔什维主义有什么高见呢?”棕发的贝里再度插话道,好像之前所说的一切都是为此做的铺垫。 "Bravo!" roared Charlie. "What do you think of?" "Come on! Let's make hay of Bolshevism! “妙啊!”查理叫道,“你们对布尔什维主义有什么看法?”“来吧!让布尔什维主义见鬼去吧!”杜克斯说。 "I'm afraid Bolshevism is a large question," said Hammond, shaking his head seriously. “恐怕这个问题有些复杂。”哈蒙德神情严肃地摇摇头。 "Bolshevism, it seems to me," said Charlie, "is just a superlative hatred of the thing they call the bourgeois; and what the bourgeois is, isn't quite defined. It is Capitalism, among other things. Feelings and emotions are also so decidedly bourgeois that you have to invent a man without them. “对我而言,”查理说,“布尔什维克对他们所谓的资产阶级恨之入骨,至于资产阶级到底作何解释,并没有确切的定义。首先,它必须是资本主义的。既然感情和理智都被界定为资产阶级的范畴,因此布尔什维克就肯定是不具备这二者的群体。 "Then the individual, especially the personal man, is bourgeois: so he must be suppressed. You must submerge yourselves in the greater thing, the Soviet-social thing. Even an organism is bourgeois: so the ideal must be mechanical. The only thing that is a unit, non-organic, composed of many different, yet equally essential parts, is the machine. Each man a machine-part, and the driving power of the machine, hate...hate of the bourgeois. That, to me, is Bolshevism.” "Absolutely!" said Tommy. "But also, it seems to me a perfect description of the whole of the industrial ideal. It's the factory-owner's ideal in a nut-shell; except that he would deny that the driving power was hate. Hate it is, all the same; hate of life itself. Just look at these Midlands, if it isn't plainly written up...but it's all part of the life of the mind, it's a logical development.” "I deny that Bolshevism is logical, it rejects the major part of the premisses," said Hammond. 那么,单独的个体,尤其是具有自我意识的个体,自然属于资产阶级,因此必然受到镇压。要做的是忘记小我,投身到更伟大的事物——苏维埃社会中去。甚至连有机体都是资产阶级的,因此最理想的状态必须是机械的。唯一合理的就是无机的单位,由许多不同的、但却同等重要的部件所组成,这便是机器。每个人都是这台机器的零件,而其驱动力则是仇恨……对资产阶级的满腔仇恨。在我看来,这就是所谓布尔什维主义。”“说得太对了!”汤米赞叹道。“不过,对我而言,这同样是对整个工业化理想的绝好诠释。简单来说,这就是工厂主的理想,当然他们会否认驱动力源自仇恨。但仇恨却依然存在,那是生命本身的仇恨。不妨审视一下英国中部的这些地区,仇恨不是昭然在目吗……不过,它同样属于精神生活的领域,是合乎情理的产物。”“我不接受布尔什维主义合乎逻辑的论调,它否定了绝大部分的前提。”哈蒙德反驳道。 "My dear man, it allows the material premiss; so does the pure mind...exclusively." "At least Bolshevism has got down to rock bottom," said Charlie. “亲爱的朋友,它并不反对物质的前提,纯粹的精神同样如此……甚至只接受物质的前提。”“至少布尔什维主义已经是强弩之末了。”查理说。 "Rock bottom! The bottom that has no bottom! The Bolshevists will have the finest army in the world in a very short time, with the finest mechanical equipment. “强弩之末!没有底限的末端!布尔什维克们很快就将拥有世界最顶尖的军队,并配备最精良的武器。” "But this thing can't go on...this hate business. There must be a reaction..." said Hammond. “但这种仇恨的状态无法长久维持下去。暴动注定难以避免……”哈蒙德说。 "Well, we've been waiting for years...we wait longer. Hate's a growing thing like anything else. It's the inevitable outcome of forcing ideas on to life, of forcing one's deepest instincts; our deepest feelings we force according to certain ideas. We drive ourselves with a formula, like a machine. The logical mind pretends to rule the roost, and the roost turns into pure hate. We're all Bolshevists, only we are hypocrites. The Russians are Bolshevists without hypocrisy.” "But there are many other ways," said Hammond, "than the Soviet way. The Bolshevists aren't really intelligent.” "Of course not. But sometimes it's intelligent to be half-witted: if you want to make your end. Personally, I consider Bolshevism half-witted; but so do I consider our social life in the west half-witted. So I even consider our far-famed mental life half-witted. We're all as cold as cretins, we're all as passionless as idiots. We're all of us Bolshevists, only we give it another name. We think we're gods...men like gods! It's just the same as Bolshevism. One has to be human, and have a heart and a penis if one is going to escape being either a god or a Bolshevist...for they are the same thing: they're both too good to be true.” Out of the disapproving silence came Berry's anxious question: "You do believe in love then, Tommy, don't you?” "You lovely lad!" said Tommy. "No, my cherub, nine times out of ten, no! Love's another of those half-witted performances today. Fellows with swaying waists fucking little jazz girls with small boy buttocks, like two collar studs! Do you mean that sort of love? Or the joint-property, make—a—success—of—it, My—husband—my—wife sort of love? No, my fine fellow, I don't believe in it at all!” "But you do believe in something?" "Me? Oh, intellectually I believe in having a good heart, a chirpy penis, a lively intelligence, and the courage to say 'shit!' in front of a lady.” “没错,多年来,我们一直等待着这一天的到来……我们还要继续等下去。仇恨跟其他事物无异,总会不断地滋长。这是将思想观念、将最强烈的冲动强加于生活所产生的必然结果,我们强迫自己最深切的情感去迎合某种思想意识。用既定的模式来推动自己,就像运转一台机器。精于逻辑思维的人们以为可以主宰一切,但一切只转化成为彻底的仇恨。我们都是布尔什维克,只不过不愿露出本来面目而已。俄国佬才是露出本来面目的布尔什维克。”“可我们还有很多其他的道路可走,”哈蒙德说,“不见得非要选择苏维埃制度。布尔什维克们可是群愚钝的家伙。”“他们的确并不明智。不过,若想达到最终目的,假作愚钝往往是最明智的选择。就个人而言,我认为布尔什维主义确实愚蠢至极,但我们西方世界的社会生活何尝不是如此呢?我甚至觉得我们一贯标榜的精神生活同样荒唐透顶。我们都像痴呆那般冷淡漠然,像傻瓜一样缺少激情。我们都是布尔什维克,唯一的差异是叫法不同。我们拿自己当神看待……近似神的人类!这样的想法与布尔什维主义如出一辙。如果既不想当神,也不愿做布尔什维克,那么你就必须成为如假包换的人,拥有心脏与阳具……因为前两者确实难分伯仲,都太过完美,显得不够真实。”其他人虽然心存异议,但都默不作声,只有贝里急不可耐地提出疑问:“你真的相信爱情么,汤米?”“可爱的小家伙!”汤米说。“不,我的小天使,十次里有九次我会给出否定的答案。如今,爱情是另一出愚蠢的闹剧。细腰摇摆如杨柳的浪荡子,跟屁股扁平如领扣的爵士女郎肆意交欢。你说的就是这种爱情么?或者是那种财产共有、共图成功的夫妻之情呢?不,我的好朋友,我压根就不相信什么爱情!”“可你总得相信点什么吧?”“我?噢,理智的说,我相信拥有强健的心脏,生气勃勃的阴茎,无穷的智慧,以及敢在贵妇面前骂娘的勇气。” "Well, you've got them all," said Berry. “原来如此,这些优点你完全具备。”贝里说。 Tommy Dukes roared with laughter. "You angel boy! If only I had! If only I had! No; my heart's as numb as a potato, my penis droops and never lifts its head up, I dare rather cut him clean off than say "shit!" in front of my mother or my aunt...they are real ladies, mind you; and I'm not really intelligent, I'm only a "mental-lifer”. 汤米·杜克斯哈哈大笑。“你这个可爱的孩子!要是真有就好了!要是真有就好了!你错了,我的心脏麻木得像颗土豆,我的阴茎总是耷拉着脑袋,我宁可把自己阉了,也不敢在我的母亲和姑妈面前骂娘……她们可是地道的贵妇,请注意;我也根本算不上睿智,充其量是个沉迷于精神世界的可怜鬼而已。” It would be wonderful to be intelligent: then one would be alive in all the parts mentioned and unmentionable. The penis rouses his head and says: How do you do?—to any really intelligent person. Renoir said he painted his pictures with his penis...he did too, lovely pictures! I wish I did something with mine. God! When one can only talk! Another torture added to Hades! And Socrates started it.” "There are nice women in the world," said Connie, lifting her head up and speaking at last. 拥有智慧是多么美妙的事情,它会让身体所有的部位都活跃起来,无论是刚刚提到过的,还是不便提及的。阳具会高昂起头颅,跟所有冰雪聪明的女子问好。雷诺阿说他用阳具作画……他的确这么做的,创造出的作品也的确让人爱不释手!我也希望自己的阳具也能派上点什么用场。神啊!只能逞逞嘴上能耐!冥府里又添一种酷刑!而这一切的罪魁祸首就是苏格拉底。”“世上也不乏蕙质兰心的女子。”康妮终于打破沉默,抬起头来说。 The men resented it...she should have pretended to hear nothing. They hated her admitting she had attended so closely to such talk. 男人们颇感不悦……她分明应该装作什么都没听到才对。他们不愿接受女流之辈如此关切地参与到这种谈话中来。 "My God! IF THEY BE NOT NICE TO ME WHAT CARE I HOW NICE THEY BE?" "No, it's hopeless! I just simply can't vibrate in unison with a woman. There's no woman I can really want when I'm faced with her, and I'm not going to start forcing myself to it… My God, no! I'll remain as I am, and lead the mental life. It's the only honest thing I can do. I can be quite happy talking to women; but it's all pure, hopelessly pure. Hopelessly pure! What do you say, Hildebrand, my chicken?” "It's much less complicated if one stays pure," said Berry. “我的上帝!若她们对我虚情假意,我又何必在乎她们是否温婉贤淑?”“不,毫无希望可言!我根本无法跟女子心意相通。任何女子都无法让我有半点心动,而心为形役又非我所愿……上帝啊,不要如此折磨我!我将依然如故,享受自己的精神生活。这是我唯一能做的诚心事。能和女人们交谈,我就深感满足,但那却是最最纯洁的行为,心中没有半点邪念。没有丝毫非份之想。你说呢,希尔德布兰德,我亲爱的小伙子?”“如果人人都能洁身自好,生活就不会如此杂乱无章。”贝里说。 "Yes, life is all too simple!" “没错,生活实在太过简单!” 第五章 On a frosty morning with a little February sun, Clifford and Connie went for a walk across the park to the wood. That is, Clifford chuffed in his motor-chair, and Connie walked beside him. 二月的某个清晨,阳光并不耀眼,霜冻尚未消融,查泰莱夫妇外出散步,两人穿过花园,走向树林。克利福德驱动着他的巴斯轮椅,康妮则步行相随。 The hard air was still sulphurous, but they were both used to it. Round the near horizon went the haze, opalescent with frost and smoke, and on the top lay the small blue sky; so that it was like being inside an enclosure, always inside. Life always a dream or a frenzy, inside an enclosure. 酷寒的空气中仍是那挥之不去的硫磺味道,不过,两人对此早就习以为常。不远处的地平线为乳白色的浓雾所笼罩,那雾气由霜花和烟尘交织而成,顶上露出片小小的蓝色天空,让人感觉像是身处牢笼,总是挣脱不得。而生活就是牢笼中的一场幻梦,或是一阵狂乱。 The sheep coughed in the rough, sere grass of the park, where frost lay bluish in the sockets of the tufts. Across the park ran a path to the wood-gate, a fine ribbon of pink. Clifford had had it newly gravelled with sifted gravel from the pit-bank. When the rock and refuse of the underworld had burned and given off its sulphur, it turned bright pink, shrimp-coloured on dry days, darker, crab-coloured on wet. Now it was pale shrimp-colour, with a bluish-white hoar of frost. It always pleased Connie, this underfoot of sifted, bright pink. It's an ill wind that brings nobody good. 羊群在杂乱的枯草丛中轻咳,草窝里凝结着蓝色晶莹的霜花。一条小径横穿花园,通向木质的大门,像条上好的粉色缎带。最近,克利福德命仆从用矿坑中筛选出的砾石,将它铺设一新。地底下的岩石和废料燃烧过后褪去硫磺,在干燥的日子里,呈现出鲜亮的粉红色,像是虾的颜色,而遇到潮湿的空气,颜色就会变得更深,跟螃蟹的色泽类似。此刻,它显现出淡粉色,覆着一层蓝白色的霜淞。踩在这条亮粉色碎石小径上,康妮的心情总会愉悦起来。使人人遭殃的风才是恶风——凡事皆有利有弊。 Clifford steered cautiously down the slope of the knoll from the hall, and Connie kept her hand on the chair. In front lay the wood, the hazel thicket nearest, the purplish density of oaks beyond. From the wood's edge rabbits bobbed and nibbled. Rooks suddenly rose in a black train, and went trailing off over the little sky. 克利福德倍加小心地驾着轮椅,从拉格比府坐落的山坡上驶下来,康妮的手则始终没有离开过丈夫的轮椅。树林出现在正前方,近处的是低矮的榛树丛,稍远处则是淡紫色茂密的橡树林。野兔在丛林边缘来回蹦跳,小口啃食着青草。数只乌鸦霍然腾空而起,黑沉沉的一列飞上那片小小的蓝天。 Connie opened the wood-gate, and Clifford puffed slowly through into the broad riding that ran up an incline between the clean-whipped thickets of the hazel. The wood was a remnant of the great forest where Robin Hood hunted, and this riding was an old, old thoroughfare coming across country. But now, of course, it was only a riding through the private wood. The road from Mansfield swerved round to the north. 康妮推开木门,克利福德驱动轮椅,缓缓驶上门外宽阔的马道。这条路向上爬升,形成倾斜的坡面,两侧是系束整齐的榛丛。这树林昔日曾是片广袤无垠的森林,留下过侠盗罗宾汉(注:英国民间传说中劫富济贫的侠盗)游猎的足迹,而这条马道从前也是横穿田野的要衢。但时至今日,它只是私人林地中不起眼的马道而已。从曼斯菲尔德(注:英格兰诺丁汉郡最大的镇)来的道路从此处折向北方。 In the wood everything was motionless, the old leaves on the ground keeping the frost on their underside. A jay called harshly, many little birds fluttered. But there was no game; no pheasants. They had been killed off during the war, and the wood had been left unprotected, till now Clifford had got his game-keeper again. 林中鸦雀无声,地上的枯叶掩住冰霜。松鸦的嘶鸣惊起许多小鸟。但这里早已没有可供猎取的飞禽走兽,连只野鸡的踪影也见不到。战争期间,它们早被斩尽诛绝,树林也多年无人照管,直到最近,克利福德才又雇来一位守林人。 Clifford loved the wood; he loved the old oak-trees. He felt they were his own through generations. He wanted to protect them. He wanted this place inviolate, shut off from the world. 克利福德深爱这片树林,深爱那一株株古老的橡树。他觉得它们世世代代都归他所有。他希望保护它们免受损害。他希望使这片净土不受侵扰,成为与世隔绝的桃源。 The chair chuffed slowly up the incline, rocking and jolting on the frozen clods. And suddenly, on the left, came a clearing where there was nothing but a ravel of dead bracken, a thin and spindly sapling leaning here and there, big sawn stumps, showing their tops and their grasping roots, lifeless. And patches of blackness where the woodmen had burned the brushwood and rubbish. 轮椅缓慢地攀爬着斜坡,在冰冻的土块上摇摆颠簸。陡然间,左侧现出一片空地,只有几棵枯萎的蕨草缠绕其间,几株纤细的树苗东倒西歪,几根被锯断的粗大树桩袒露着顶部以及盘曲的根系,感受不到半点生气。还有几块黑漆漆的地方,那是樵夫焚烧断枝杂草和废物时留下的痕迹。 This was one of the places that Sir Geoffrey had cut during the war for trench timber. The whole knoll, which rose softly on the right of the riding, was denuded and strangely forlorn. On the crown of the knoll where the oaks had stood, now was bareness; and from there you could look out over the trees to the colliery railway, and the new works at Stacks Gate. Connie had stood and looked, it was a breach in the pure seclusion of the wood. It let in the world. But she didn't tell Clifford. 杰弗里爵士战时支援前线堑壕修筑的木料,有部分就出自这里。马道右侧矗立着的小丘线条柔和,但却寸草不生,一片诡异的凄凉景象。小丘之上也曾橡树成荫,如今却是满目荒凉,从那里透过树梢极目远望,运煤的铁道和斯塔克斯门的新厂房便映入眼帘。康妮曾经站在那里向外张望,若说这片树林是远离尘嚣的世外桃源,小丘的顶端便是唯一的缺口。那里与凡尘俗世相连接。然而,她却从未与克利福德提及此事。 This denuded place always made Clifford curiously angry. He had been through the war, had seen what it meant. But he didn't get really angry till he saw this bare hill. He was having it replanted. But it made him hate Sir Geoffrey. 这块不毛之地总让克利福德无名火起。他曾亲历大战烽火,深知战争的意义何在。但只有亲眼目睹这里的荒凉景象,才会不由得怒从心头起。他已调动人手,在这里重新栽种树木。但这仍使他对亡父平添几分怨恨。 Clifford sat with a fixed face as the chair slowly mounted. When they came to the top of the rise he stopped; he would not risk the long and very jolty down-slope. He sat looking at the greenish sweep of the riding downwards, a clear way through the bracken and oaks. It swerved at the bottom of the hill and disappeared; but it had such a lovely easy curve, of knights riding and ladies on palfreys. 轮椅继续缓慢地向上爬升,克利福德脸上没有任何表情。两人在坡顶停住脚步,克利福德不愿冒险尝试那漫长而又崎岖的下坡旅程。他呆坐在原地,眼望着绿色坡地向下延伸,从蕨草和橡树间穿过。最后在山脚下转个弯,便从视线中消失不见。然而它的蜿蜒曲折是那样的优雅从容,让人不禁想起旧日策马徐行的骑士和贵妇。 "I consider this is really the heart of England," said Clifford to Connie, as he sat there in the dim February sunshine. “我认为这里才是英格兰的中心。”克利福德对康妮说,沐浴在二月朦胧的阳光中。 "Do you?" she said, seating herself in her blue knitted dress, on a stump by the path. “是么?”康妮说,她身着蓝色毛织连衣裙,坐在道旁的树墩上。 "I do! this is the old England, the heart of it; and I intend to keep it intact." "Oh yes!" said Connie. But, as she said it she heard the eleven-o'clock hooters at Stacks Gate colliery. Clifford was too used to the sound to notice. “当然!这里才是古老的英格兰,是其核心所在,我要将它完好无损地保存下去。”“哦,没错!”康妮应道。刚一开口,耳边便传来斯塔克斯门煤矿11点钟的汽笛声。而对此司空见惯的克利福德根本没有注意到。 "I want this wood perfect...untouched. I want nobody to trespass in it," said Clifford. “我希望这树林完美无缺……毫发无伤。不愿意看到任何人擅入其中。”克利福德接着说。 There was a certain pathos. The wood still had some of the mystery of wild, old England; but Sir Geoffrey's cuttings during the war had given it a blow. How still the trees were, with their crinkly, innumerable twigs against the sky, and their grey, obstinate trunks rising from the brown bracken! How safely the birds flitted among them! And once there had been deer, and archers, and monks padding along on asses. The place remembered, still remembered. 他的话语中透出几分悲凉的意味。这片树林依然保有古老英伦那份原始的神秘感,但战时杰弗里爵士的砍伐却使它遭受重创。其间的树木是多么地静谧,无数虬曲的枝条伸向天空,灰白的树干倔强地从棕色蕨草丛中挺直腰身!盘旋飞舞的鸟儿在这里不会受到半点威胁!曾几何时,这里还曾经有鹿出没,还见得到弓箭手,甚至是端坐驴背、四海为家的游方僧人。这片净土记得过往的一切,半点不曾遗忘。 Clifford sat in the pale sun, with the light on his smooth, rather blond hair, his reddish full face inscrutable. 克利福德依然安坐着,暗淡的阳光照耀着他那柔顺的金发,那难以捉摸的绯红脸庞。 "I mind more, not having a son, when I come here, than any other time," he said. “身处此地,我比任何时候都感到没有子嗣的缺憾。”他感慨道。 "But the wood is older than your family," said Connie gently. “但这树林比查泰莱家族更加古老。”康妮柔声说。 "Quite!" said Clifford. "But we've preserved it. Except for us it would go...it would be gone already, like the rest of the forest. One must preserve some of the old England!” "Must one?" said Connie. "If it has to be preserved, and preserved against the new England? It's sad, I know.” "If some of the old England isn't preserved, there'll be no England at all," said Clifford. "And we who have this kind of property, and the feeling for it, must preserve it." There was a sad pause. "Yes, for a little while," said Connie. “说的没错!”克利福德说。“然而却是我们把它保存下来。假若没有我们,它早已灰飞烟灭……消失得无踪无影,就像森林的其他部分。必须为保护英格兰古老的精髓而努力!”“必须这样做么?”康妮提出疑问。“即使保护它意味着与新英格兰背道而驰?我明白,这实在令人难过。”“如果对古老的留存不管不顾,那么英格兰将无从寻觅踪迹了。”克利福德说。“因此,既然我们拥有此类产业,且对其怀有深情,就必须为保存它尽心竭力。”两人双双陷入沉默,只剩空气中飘荡的哀伤气氛。“话虽如此,但也只能保存相当短的时间。”康妮说。 "For a little while! It's all we can do. We can only do our bit. I feel every man of my family has done his bit here, since we've had the place. One may go against convention, but one must keep up tradition.” Again there was a pause. “相当短的时间!这已经是我们所能做的一切。我们只能做好自己的分内的事。我觉得自从拥有这片土地,查泰莱家族的每名成员都尽到了自己的本分。反对陋俗固然可行,但保留传统更加必要。”沉默再度降临。 "What tradition?" asked Connie. “什么传统?”康妮问。 "The tradition of England! of this!" "Yes," she said slowly. “英格兰的传统!拉格比的传统!”“是的。”她慢吞吞地应道。 "That's why having a son helps; one is only a link in a chain," he said. “因此,有个儿子才能作数;每个人都不过是链条中的一环而已。”他解释道。 Connie was not keen on chains, but she said nothing. She was thinking of the curious impersonality of his desire for a son. 康妮有些反感关于链条的话题,但却并没有表露出来。她在想,丈夫求子的愿望实在有些难以理解,又不切实际。 "I'm sorry we can't have a son," she said. “很遗憾我们没法拥有自己的儿子。”她说。 He looked at her steadily, with his full, pale-blue eyes. 他那淡蓝色的双眸目不转睛地注视着她。 "It would almost be a good thing if you had a child by another man, he said. "If we brought it up at Wragby, it would belong to us and to the place. I don't believe very intensely in fatherhood. If we had the child to rear, it would be our own, and it would carry on. Don't you think it's worth considering?” Connie looked up at him at last. The child, her child, was just an "it" to him. It...it...it! "But what about the other man?" she asked. “如果你和其他男人生个孩子,也算是个不错的主意。”他说。“只要我们在拉格比将它养育成人,它就会属于我们,属于这片土地。我对血脉传承不太感冒。只要我们将它养大,它就是我们的孩子,让查泰莱的姓氏得以延续。难道你不认为这值得考虑么?”康妮终于抬起头,望着眼前这个男人。孩子,她的孩子,对于他而言,只是“它”而已,跟没有生命的东西无异。它……只不过是件工具……延续香火的工具!“可那个男人怎么办?”她问。 "Does it matter very much? Do these things really affect us very deeply?... You had that lover in Germany...what is it now? Nothing almost. It seems to me that it isn't these little acts and little connexions we make in our lives that matter so very much. They pass away, and where are they? Where… Where are the snows of yesteryear?... It's what endures through one's life that matters; my own life matters to me, in its long continuance and development. But what do the occasional connexions matter? And the occasional sexual connexions especially! If people don't exaggerate them ridiculously, they pass like the mating of birds. And so they should. What does it matter? It's the life-long companionship that matters. It's the living together from day to day, not the sleeping together once or twice. You and I are married, no matter what happens to us. We have the habit of each other. And habit, to my thinking, is more vital than any occasional excitement. The long, slow, enduring thing...that's what we live by...not the occasional spasm of any sort. Little by little, living together, two people fall into a sort of unison, they vibrate so intricately to one another. That's the real secret of marriage, not sex; at least not the simple function of sex. You and I are interwoven in a marriage. If we stick to that we ought to be able to arrange this sex thing, as we arrange going to the dentist; since fate has given us a checkmate physically there.” Connie sat and listened in a sort of wonder, and a sort of fear. She did not know if he was right or not. There was Michaelis, whom she loved; so she said to herself. But her love was somehow only an excursion from her marriage with Clifford; the long, slow habit of intimacy, formed through years of suffering and patience. Perhaps the human soul needs excursions, and must not be denied them. But the point of an excursion is that you come home again. “这何足挂齿?这样的小事怎会对你我的感情产生影响?……你在德国就曾有过情人……如今重演旧事又何妨?根本算不得什么。在我看来,生命中的那些小情事、小暧昧,统统无足轻重。它们消逝后便踪影不见,又有谁知道它们去了哪里?去了哪里呢……去年的积雪如今在何处?……一生中能够持久存续的东西才至关重要;对我来说,自己的生命最紧关截要,自己生命的绵延与发展尤其如此。那些露水情缘算得了什么?那些偶然的鱼水之欢更是微不足道!如果人们不可笑地添油加醋,乱加渲染,其本身跟鸟类交尾没什么区别。也应该就是如此。这又有什么大不了的?终生相守、相濡以沫才算弥足珍贵。重要的是白头偕老而非一夜销魂。你我已缔结连理,就算世事变迁,这一点也不会改变。我们已经培养出共同的习惯。依我看,长久的习惯比任何短暂的欢愉重要得多。恒久绵长、历经岁月考验的东西,才是我们赖以为生的基础,绝非那些转瞬即逝的激情时刻。夫妻双方朝夕相处,累积生活中的点点滴滴,直至情深意笃,琴瑟和鸣。这才是婚姻的真谛,性并非关键所在,至少不是单纯的官能刺激。你我因婚姻而彼此结合。如果我们守住底线,那么就可以像去看牙医一样,实施借种的计划,既然由于命运的阻挠,我们已经无法在肉体上完成结合。”康妮坐在旁边静静听着,心里又惊又惧。她也拿不准丈夫的话正确与否。米凯利斯是个不错的选项,那是她爱着的男人,康妮在心底默默对自己说。但在与克利福德漫漫的婚姻长路上,她的爱情不过是段偏离方向的短暂行程,去逃离经年累月的痛苦和忍耐衍生出的长久迟缓的亲密习惯。或许出轨本就源自人类灵魂的需要,而且这样的偏离往往无法抗拒。但经历这短暂行程之后,还是要再度回归家庭生活。 "And wouldn't you mind what man's child I had?" she asked. “难道你不在乎我怀的是谁的孩子么?”她问。 "Why, Connie, I should trust your natural instinct of decency and selection. You just wouldn't let the wrong sort of fellow touch you.” She thought of Michaelis! He was absolutely Clifford's idea of the wrong sort of fellow. “为何要在乎呢?康妮,对你端庄的本性以及选人的眼光,我应该有足够的信心。你绝不会准许那些下流胚碰自己。”米凯利斯的身影浮现在她的脑海!在克利福德眼中,自己的情郎可是不折不扣的下流胚。 "But men and women may have different feelings about the wrong sort of fellow," she said. “但对于品性的判断,男人和女人有着不同的标准。”她说。 "No," he replied. "You care for me. I don't believe you would ever care for a man who was purely antipathetic to me. Your rhythm wouldn't let you.” She was silent. Logic might be unanswerable because it was so absolutely wrong. “我不这样认为,”他回应道,“你在乎我的感受。相信你不会选择一个让我深恶痛绝的男人。你的直觉也会阻止你这么做。”她沉默半晌。这种逻辑关系简直是错得离谱,因此或许根本无法回答。 "And should you expect me to tell you?" she asked, glancing up at him almost furtively. “假若有这样的事,你希望我告知实情么?”她边说,边偷偷地瞥了丈夫一眼。 "Not at all, I'd better not know… But you do agree with me, don't you, that the casual sex thing is nothing, compared to the long life lived together? Don't you think one can just subordinate the sex thing to the necessities of a long life? Just use it, since that's what we're driven to? After all, do these temporary excitements matter? Isn't the whole problem of life the slow building up of an integral personality, through the years? living an integrated life? There's no point in a disintegrated life. If lack of sex is going to disintegrate you, then go out and have a love-affair. If lack of a child is going to disintegrate you, then have a child if you possibly can. But only do these things so that you have an integrated life, that makes a long harmonious thing. And you and I can do that together…don't you think?... If we adapt ourselves to the necessities, and at the same time weave the adaptation together into a piece with our steadily-lived life. Don't you agree?” Connie was a little overwhelmed by his words. She knew he was right theoretically. But when she actually touched her steadily-lived life with him she...hesitated. Was it actually her destiny to go on weaving herself into his life all the rest of her life? Nothing else? Was it just that? She was to be content to weave a steady life with him, all one fabric, but perhaps brocaded with the occasional flower of an adventure. But how could she know what she would feel next year? How could one ever know? How could one say Yes? for years and years? The little yes, gone on a breath! Why should one be pinned down by that butterfly word? Of course it had to flutter away and be gone, to be followed by other yes's and no's! Like the straying of butterflies. "I think you're right, Clifford. And as far as I can see I agree with you. Only life may turn quite a new face on it all.” "But until life turns a new face on it all, you do agree?" "Oh yes! I think I do, really." She was watching a brown spaniel that had run out of a side-path, and was looking towards them with lifted nose, making a soft, fluffy bark. A man with a gun strode swiftly, softly out after the dog, facing their way as if about to attack them; then stopped instead, saluted, and was turning downhill. It was only the new game-keeper, but he had frightened Connie, he seemed to emerge with such a swift menace. That was how she had seen him, like the sudden rush of a threat out of nowhere. “完全没有必要,我最好被蒙在鼓里……不过,你确实跟我持同样的观点,认为较之天长地久的夫妻情感,昙花一现的鱼水之欢实在不值一提?难道你不赞同性爱应该以长期生活的需要为前提?只是对其加以利用,因为我们只是不得已而为之?话说回来,片刻的欢愉怎谈得上重要?生命的全部课题不就是经过岁月的磨砺,潜移默化出完整的人格么?不就是过完备的生活么?不完备的生活根本毫无意义。如果性欲得不到满足,让你觉得有缺憾,那么大可去外面寻找新的恋情。如果没有子嗣,让你感到不够完美,那么只要你愿意,跟其他男人生个也无妨。可做所有这些都是以拥有完备的生活为根本目标,只有这样,一切才会变得持久而又和谐。你我可以携手去实现这一目标……难道你不是这样想么?……只要我们适应这种需要,并将它与我们按部就班的生活融为一体。难道你不这样认为么?”这席话让康妮感到有些不知所措。她清楚,从理论上讲,丈夫的话无可指摘。但想到自己真的要和眼前的男人过按部就班的生活……她就不禁踌躇起来。难道自己的余生真的注定和他纠缠在一起?再无别的出路?仅此而已么?她只能满足于和他安安稳稳地过日子,像块平常的布料,或许偶尔能够编织出几朵冒险之花。但她如何能知道明年的想法呢?人怎样能够知道呢?谁能够轻而易举地点头称是?并保证此承诺长期有效呢?简简单单的一个“是”字,脱口便可说出!人为何会被这个轻如蝴蝶的字眼缚住手脚?它准会振翅飞远,消失不见,被其他的“是”与“不是”所取代!就像是零乱的蝶群。“我想你是对的,克利福德。在可以预见的范围内,我赞同你的想法。只不过,生活难免不会有沧海桑田的变化。”“但在此种剧变发生之前,你确实同意我的观点?”“没错!我想我同意,绝无虚言。”她看到一只褐色西班牙猎犬从岔路冲出来,扬起头盯着他们,低声吼叫着。紧随其后的是个陌生男人,他手持猎枪,脚步轻快地走上前来,似乎作势要向他们开火;然而却停住脚步,弯腰行礼,转身向山下走去。原来只是那个新来的守林人,但他着实把康妮吓得够呛,他陡然现身,犹如凶神恶煞。在康妮眼中,这家伙简直就是从天而降的混世魔王。 He was a man in dark green velveteens and gaiters...the old style, with a red face and red moustache and distant eyes. He was going quickly downhill. 他身穿深绿色棉绒长裤,系着绑腿……打扮老派,面色红润,生着红色的髭须,目光冷峻。此刻他正快步向山下奔去。 "Mellors!" called Clifford. “梅勒斯!”克利福德喊道。 The man faced lightly round, and saluted with a quick little gesture, a soldier! "Will you turn the chair round and get it started? That makes it easier," said Clifford. The man at once slung his gun over his shoulder, and came forward with the same curious swift, yet soft movements, as if keeping invisible. He was moderately tall and lean, and was silent. He did not look at Connie at all, only at the chair. 那男子稍稍扭过头来,动作利落地敬了个礼,他显然当过兵。“你把我的轮椅掉过来,然后推它一把。这样驱动起来会更容易些。”克利福德说。那男人立刻把枪扛到肩头,以先前那种迅捷的速度走上前来,他的步伐如此之轻,好像不愿让人发觉似的。他中等身高,没有半点赘肉,沉默寡言。他看都不看康妮,目光全部集中在轮椅上。 "Connie, this is the new game-keeper, Mellors. You haven't spoken to her ladyship yet, Mellors?” "No, Sir!" came the ready, neutral words. “康妮,这就是新来的守林人,梅勒斯。你还没跟夫人说过话吧,梅勒斯?”“没有,爵爷!”他的回答脱口而出,不带有任何感情。 The man lifted his hat as he stood, showing his thick, almost fair hair. He stared straight into Connie's eyes, with a perfect, fearless, impersonal look, as if he wanted to see what she was like. He made her feel shy. She bent her head to him shyly, and he changed his hat to his left hand and made her a slight bow, like a gentleman; but he said nothing at all. He remained for a moment still, with his hat in his hand. 那男人站在那里举举帽子,露出一头浓密的近乎金色的头发。他毫不避讳地直视着康妮的眼睛,炯炯的目光异常平静,毫无惧意,好像要将康妮看穿似的。康妮觉得脸上有些发烧。她羞怯地向他点点头,他把帽子交到左手,绅士般地轻鞠一躬,但却只字不言。他手拿帽子,站在原地动也不动。 "But you've been here some time, haven't you?" Connie said to him. “你来这里有段日子了吧?”康妮问他。 "Eight months, Madam...your Ladyship!" he corrected himself calmly. “八个月了,女士……夫人!”他纠正了自己的错误,没有半点慌乱。 "And do you like it?" She looked him in the eyes. His eyes narrowed a little, with irony, perhaps with impudence. “喜欢这儿么?”她凝视着他的眼睛。他的双目微微眯起,眼神中满是嘲讽,又或是傲慢。 "Why, yes, thank you, your Ladyship! I was reared here..." He gave another slight bow, turned, put his hat on, and strode to take hold of the chair. His voice on the last words had fallen into the heavy broad drag of the dialect...perhaps also in mockery, because there had been no trace of dialect before. He might almost be a gentleman. Anyhow, he was a curious, quick, separate fellow, alone, but sure of himself. “哦,喜欢,谢谢您的关心,夫人!我在这儿长大……”他再次轻鞠一躬,转过身,戴上帽子,跨步向前抓住轮椅。他的话最后几个字带有明显的拖腔,本地的方言就是如此……但或许又是有意取笑,因为他之前说话时根本不带口音。他几乎称得上是位绅士。然而,也是个身手敏捷、独来独往的怪家伙,孑然一身,但却自信满满。 Clifford started the little engine, the man carefully turned the chair, and set it nose-forwards to the incline that curved gently to the dark hazel thicket. 克利福德发动微型引擎,梅勒斯小心翼翼地调转轮椅,前端对着弯弯曲曲的下坡路,通向幽暗的榛丛。 "Is that all then, Sir Clifford?" asked the man. “还有什么吩咐,克利福德爵士?”他问。 "No, you'd better come along in case she sticks. The engine isn't really strong enough for the uphill work.” The man glanced round for his dog...a thoughtful glance. The spaniel looked at him and faintly moved its tail. A little smile, mocking or teasing her, yet gentle, came into his eyes for a moment, then faded away, and his face was expressionless. They went fairly quickly down the slope, the man with his hand on the rail of the chair, steadying it. He looked like a free soldier rather than a servant. And something about him reminded Connie of Tommy Dukes. “嗯,你还是与我们同行的好,万一轮椅又被卡住。上坡的时候,这台引擎确实有点马力不足。”那男人瞥了一眼自己的狗……眼神中充满关切。那猎犬望着主人,轻轻摇动着尾巴。他面露浅笑,柔和的目光中闪过一丝嘲讽或是戏谑,停留片刻便消失不见,又换上那张全无表情的脸孔。下坡时行进的速度相当快,那男人用手扶住轮椅,力求让它走得稳些。他看上去并不像仆从,反倒有自由战士的风范。他身上的某些气质让康妮想起出身行伍的汤米·杜克斯。 When they came to the hazel grove, Connie suddenly ran forward, and opened the gate into the park. As she stood holding it, the two men looked at her in passing, Clifford critically, the other man with a curious, cool wonder; impersonally wanting to see what she looked like. And she saw in his blue, impersonal eyes a look of suffering and detachment, yet a certain warmth. But why was he so aloof, apart? Clifford stopped the chair, once through the gate, and the man came quickly, courteously, to close it. 三人走到榛树丛处,康妮突然跑上前去,敞开通往花园的大门。她站在原地,手扶着门,两个男人通过时,视线都集中在她身上。克利福德面露不悦,守林人那冷峻的目光中则蕴含着讶异与不解,似乎只想要仔细端详她的模样。而从他浅蓝色的冷漠眼神中,康妮窥见的是历经苦难后的超然,但也有某种温情隐藏其间。可他为何表现得如此淡然,不愿与人亲近呢?刚刚踏进花园,克利福德就止住轮椅,那男人则快步走回门前,礼貌地将它合上。 "Why did you run to open?" asked Clifford in his quiet, calm voice, that showed he was displeased. "Mellors would have done it." "I thought you would go straight ahead," said Connie. "And leave you to run after us?" said Clifford. “你干嘛跑去开门?”克利福德问,低沉平静的语气中现出不快。“这种事梅勒斯会做的。”“我以为你想要径直通过。”康妮说。“让你跟在我们后面跑?”克利福德说。 "Oh, well, I like to run sometimes!" Mellors took the chair again, looking perfectly unheeding, yet Connie felt he noted everything. As he pushed the chair up the steepish rise of the knoll in the park, he breathed rather quickly, through parted lips. He was rather frail really. Curiously full of vitality, but a little frail and quenched. Her woman's instinct sensed it. “哦,偶尔跑跑也不错!”梅勒斯再度扶住轮椅,似乎根本没留意两人的交谈,但康妮觉得刚才的话都没有逃过他的耳朵。推着轮椅,走上花园中那坡度甚陡的小丘,他张开嘴,急促地喘着气。他其实相当虚弱。虽然莫名充满活力,但体格却算不得强壮。女人敏感的天性察觉到这一点。 Connie fell back, let the chair go on. The day had greyed over; the small blue sky that had poised low on its circular rims of haze was closed in again, the lid was down, there was a raw coldness. It was going to snow. All grey, all grey! The world looked worn out. 康妮放缓脚步,任凭轮椅继续前进。天色变得阴沉,那小小的蓝天原本低悬于浓雾环状边缘的上方,如今却再度被遮蔽,盖子已被合拢,刺骨的寒意肆意弥漫。雪眼看就要落下。一切都是灰暗的,都是阴霾的!整个世界都显得筋疲力竭。 The chair waited at the top of the pink path. Clifford looked round for Connie. 轮椅等在粉色小径的尽头。克利福德回过头望着康妮。 "Not tired, are you?" he said. “没感觉到累吧?”他问。 "Oh, no!" she said. “哦,不累!”她应道。 But she was. A strange, weary yearning, a dissatisfaction had started in her. Clifford did not notice: those were not things he was aware of. But the stranger knew. To Connie, everything in her world and life seemed worn out, and her dissatisfaction was older than the hills. 然而,她却真切地感觉到疲倦。莫名的渴望透支着她的身体,不满的情绪在心中升腾。克利福德对此全然不觉,这些根本就不是他能意识到的。但那个陌生人却心如明镜。对康妮而言,周遭生活中的一切似乎都疲惫不堪,心底堆积的不满比周遭起伏的山丘还要古老。 They came to the house, and around to the back, where there were no steps. Clifford managed to swing himself over on to the low, wheeled house-chair; he was very strong and agile with his arms. Then Connie lifted the burden of his dead legs after him. 他们回到拉格比府,绕到后门,那里没有台阶。克利福德摆荡着身体,换到稍低的家用轮椅中,他的双臂强健而灵活。接着,康妮搬起丈夫那两条沉重且全无知觉的残腿。 The keeper, waiting at attention to be dismissed, watched everything narrowly, missing nothing. He went pale, with a sort of fear, when he saw Connie lifting the inert legs of the man in her arms, into the other chair, Clifford pivoting round as she did so. He was frightened. 守林人候在旁边,等着克利福德命他退下,他紧紧地注视着发生的一切,没有半点遗漏。看到康妮将克利福德麻木的双腿抱在怀中,放进另一台轮椅里,他的脸色变得惨白,表情愕然。克利福德掉转轮椅,康妮也回过身来。他显然吃惊非小。 "Thanks, then, for the help, Mellors," said Clifford casually, as he began to wheel down the passage to the servants'quarters. “谢谢,多亏有你帮忙,梅勒斯。”克利福德漫不经心地说着,开始驱动轮椅驶下走廊,直奔佣人房。 "Nothing else, Sir?" came the neutral voice, like one in a dream. “没别的吩咐了吗,爵爷?”仍是那漠然的腔调,如同梦中的呓语。 "Nothing, good morning!" "Good morning, Sir." "Good morning! It was kind of you to push the chair up that hill...I hope it wasn't heavy for you," said Connie, looking back at the keeper outside the door. “没有,再见!”“再见,爵爷。”“再见!幸好有你帮忙推轮椅上坡……希望你不会觉得太重。”康妮说,转头望着门外的守林人。 His eyes came to hers in an instant, as if wakened up. He was aware of her. 四目相接,他如梦方醒。这才意识到康妮在向他道谢。 "Oh no, not heavy!" he said quickly. Then his voice dropped again into the broad sound of the vernacular: "Good mornin' to your Ladyship!” "Who is your game-keeper?”. Connie asked at lunch “哦,不,不重!”他连忙说。又换上那种刻意的本地土语:“回见,夫人!”“那个守林人叫什么?”午饭时,康妮问。 "Mellors! You saw him," said Clifford. “梅勒斯!你见过的。”克利福德答道。 "Yes, but where did he come from?" "Nowhere! He was a Tevershall boy...son of a collier, I believe." "And was he a collier himself?" "Blacksmith on the pit-bank, I believe: overhead smith. But he was keeper here for two years before the war...before he joined up. My father always had a good Opinion of him, so when he came back, and went to the pit for a blacksmith's job, I just took him back here as keeper. I was really very glad to get him...its almost impossible to find a good man round here for a gamekeeper...and it needs a man who knows the people.” "And isn't he married?” "He was. But his wife went off with...with various men...but finally with a collier at Stacks Gate, and I believe she's living there still.” "So this man is alone?" "More or less! He has a mother in the village...and a child, I believe." Clifford looked at Connie, with his pale, slightly prominent blue eyes, in which a certain vagueness was coming. He seemed alert in the foreground, but the background was like the Midlands atmosphere, haze, smoky mist. And the haze seemed to be creeping forward. So when he stared at Connie in his peculiar way, giving her his peculiar, precise information, she felt all the background of his mind filling up with mist, with nothingness. And it frightened her. It made him seem impersonal, almost to idiocy. “嗯,他是何方人氏?”“什么也不是!他在特弗沙尔长大……父亲大概是名矿工。”“他自己也干这行?”“他是矿区的铁匠,我想应该是井上铁匠。大战爆发前,他曾在这里做过两年守林人……后来就应征入伍了。我父亲对他的评价始终很高,因此他复员后,到矿区申请再当铁匠时,我就让他做回守林人的老本行。他能回来,我的确很开心……能在本地找到适合的守林人实属不易……前提是他要熟稔附近的居民。”“他成家了么?”“他结过婚。但妻子弃他而去……到处跟别的男人乱搞……最后跟斯塔克斯门的某个矿工厮混在一起,或许现在还住在那里呢。”“这样说来,他现在是独身?”“可以这么说!他母亲住在村里……好像还帮他照看着孩子。”克利福德望着康妮,那双微凸的淡蓝色眼睛中弥漫着茫然的神色。他外表看起来精明强干,但内心却好似英格兰中部的天气,阴霾迷蒙,烟雾缭绕。这雾气好像正在向外蔓延。当他用独有的方式凝视着康妮,用别具一格的口吻,简明扼要地向她述说着一切时,康妮感到他的心底充满迷惘和空虚。这让她觉得不寒而栗。被这样的状态所支配,他变得感情淡漠,简直跟白痴无异。 And dimly she realized one of the great laws of the human soul: that when the emotional soul receives a wounding shock, which does not kill the body, the soul seems to recover as the body recovers. But this is only appearance. It is really only the mechanism of the re-assumed habit. Slowly, slowly the wound to the soul begins to make itself felt, like a bruise, which Only slowly deepens its terrible ache, till it fills all the psyche. And when we think we have recovered and forgotten, it is then that the terrible after-effects have to be encountered at their worst. 她隐约认识到人类灵魂的重要法则之一:当感性的心灵遭受重创,若肉体没有因此毁灭,随着肉体的复原,心灵也会痊愈。但这仅仅是表象。仅仅是习惯再度起作用的心理过程。心灵的创伤慢条斯理地迈开肆虐的脚步,就像青肿的瘀伤,随着时间的推移,剧烈的疼痛只会逐渐加深,直到填满灵魂的每个角落。当我们以为自己已经痊愈,并把伤痛抛诸脑后,此时可怕的后效才露出其最尖利的獠牙。 So it was with Clifford. Once he was "well", once he was back at Wragby, and writing his stories, and feeling sure of life, in spite of all, he seemed to forget, and to have recovered all his equanimity. But now, as the years went by, slowly, slowly, Connie felt the bruise of fear and horror coming up, and spreading in him. For a time it had been so deep as to be numb, as it were non-existent. Now slowly it began to assert itself in a spread of fear, almost paralysis. Mentally he still was alert. But the paralysis, the bruise of the too-great shock, was gradually spreading in his affective self. 克利福德便是个活生生的例子。他死中得活,重返故宅拉格比,开始小说的创作,再度鼓起生命的风帆。过去的种种磨难似乎都已烟消云散,心绪也完全恢复平静。但如今,数年光阴过去,康妮渐渐感觉到骇人的创伤又卷土重来,在他的心里蔓延开来。那创伤一度太过深切,以至于痛到麻木,好像已经不复存在。而现在,它却又露出狰狞的面目,将恐惧扩散开来,几乎让整个身心陷入麻痹。在精神层面,他依然机智敏捷。但半身瘫痪的现实,巨大打击过后留下的创伤,却逐渐将他的情感世界占据。 And as it spread in him, Connie felt it spread in her. An inward dread, an emptiness, an indifference to everything gradually spread in her soul. When Clifford was roused, he could still talk brilliantly and, as it were, command the future: as when, in the wood, he talked about her having a child, and giving an heir to Wragby. But the day after, all the brilliant words seemed like dead leaves, crumpling up and turning to powder, meaning really nothing, blown away on any gust of wind. They were not the leafy words of an effective life, young with energy and belonging to the tree. They were the hosts of fallen leaves of a life that is ineffectual. 它在克利福德的心底肆虐,就连康妮也深感其害。内心的恐惧与茫然,对任何事物都漠不关心,这种消极的情绪一点点攫住康妮的灵魂。情绪昂扬时,克利福德仍能够口若悬河地谈天说地,甚至似乎可以牢牢把握住自己的未来。就像在树林里,他与康妮谈到借腹生子,为拉格比府培养继承人。但一夜之间,那些连珠妙语都散落成遍地的枯叶,片片碎裂,化作齑粉,毫无意义可言,清风拂过,留不下半点痕迹。那些语句并非生机盎然的叶片,充满青春活力,与树身紧紧相连。只是一堆了无生气的落叶而已。 So it seemed to her everywhere. The colliers at Tevershall were talking again of a strike, and it seemed to Connie there again it was not a manifestation of energy, it was the bruise of the war that had been in abeyance, slowly rising to the surface and creating the great ache of unrest, and stupor of discontent. The bruise was deep, deep, deep...the bruise of the false inhuman war. It would take many years for the living blood of the generations to dissolve the vast black clot of bruised blood, deep inside their souls and bodies. And it would need a new hope. 在康妮看来,此法则似乎万试万灵。特弗沙尔的矿工们又在筹划罢工,对康妮而言,这并非示威的方式,而是深埋多时的战争创伤慢慢浮出水面,带来动荡的剧痛,以及不满现状的麻木。那创伤实在太过深重……因虚伪而野蛮的战争造成。需要多年的时光,几代人鲜血的浇注,才能消解他们身心深处淤结的巨大黑色血块。而且这需要新希望的诞生。 Poor Connie! As the years drew on it was the fear of nothingness In her life that affected her. Clifford's mental life and hers gradually began to feel like nothingness. Their marriage, their integrated life based on a habit of intimacy, that he talked about: there were days when it all became utterly blank and nothing. It was words, just so many words. The only reality was nothingness, and over it a hypocrisy of words. 可怜的康妮!时光荏苒,对空虚生活的恐惧始终困扰着她。她渐渐认清,自己与克利福德的精神生活,都不过是虚幻的东西。他们的婚姻,他口中两人基于亲密习惯而构建起的完美生活,随着时间的推移,都变得苍白无力,虚无缥缈。一切都只是空话,只是滔滔不绝的空话。唯一的现实就是空虚,而凌驾其上的则是那些伪善的言语。 There was Clifford's success: the bitch-goddess! It was true he was almost famous, and his books brought him in a thousand pounds. His photograph appeared everywhere. There was a bust of him in one of the galleries, and a portrait of him in two galleries. He seemed the most modern of modern voices. With his uncanny lame instinct for publicity, he had become in four or five years one of the best known of the young "intellectuals". Where the intellect came in, Connie did not quite see. Clifford was really clever at that slightly humorous analysis of people and motives which leaves everything in bits at the end. But it was rather like puppies tearing the sofa cushions to bits; except that it was not young and playful, but curiously old, and rather obstinately conceited. It was weird and it was nothing. This was the feeling that echoed and re-echoed at the bottom of Connie's soul: it was all flag, a wonderful display of nothingness; At the same time a display. A display! a display! A display! Michaelis had seized upon Clifford as the central figure for a play; already he had sketched in the plot, and written the first act. For Michaelis was even better than Clifford at making a display of nothingness. It was the last bit of passion left in these men: the passion for making a display. Sexually they were passionless, even dead. And now it was not money that Michaelis was after. Clifford had never been primarily out for money, though he made it where he could, for money is the seal and stamp of success. And success was what they wanted. They wanted, both of them, to make a real display...a man's own very display of himself that should capture for a time the vast populace. 克利福德终于得到成功——那位堕落女神的垂青!他几乎已经跻身名作家行列,这是无可争议的事实,其稿费收入也达到一千英镑。其照片随处可见。某家画廊摆放着他的半身塑像,另外两家则悬着他的画像。他俨然已是时尚潮流最前沿的代言人。凭借出众的自我推销的本能,仅用四五年的时间,身体残疾的他便脱胎换骨,成为最闻名遐迩的年轻才俊之一。可他的才气究竟在哪里,康妮也搞不太清楚。克利福德真正的长处,在于略带幽默地分析人物及其动机,而此种解析最终往往会让所有的一切处于分崩离析的状态。这跟小狗将沙发垫扯成碎片有异曲同工之妙,但不同之处是,执行者没有半点年轻的活力,也并非在嬉戏玩耍,相反却出人意料地苍老,且极端顽固和自负。这怪诞而又空洞。在康妮的灵魂深处反复回荡着这样的感受:那些都是不切实际的,是对空虚的完美诠释,同时更是一种炫耀。炫耀!炫耀!没完没了的炫耀!米凯利斯将克利福德塑造成新剧的主角,他已经完成情节的构思,并写出第一幕。在炫耀空虚方面,米凯利斯甚至比克利福德更胜一筹。这也是他们体内仅存的最后一丁点热情:炫耀的热情。而性方面,他俩则毫无激情,甚至死气沉沉。如今,金钱已非米凯利斯追求的目标。克利福德则更是从未将挣钱放在首位,但机会摆在眼前时,他也绝不会放过,因为金钱毕竟是成功的代名词。而成功才是他们梦寐以求的。他们渴望,两人都是如此,来一场彻头彻尾的炫耀……完美地将自己展现在世人面前,并立竿见影地吸引他们的所有注意。 It was strange...the prostitution to the bitch-goddess. To Connie, since she was really outside of it, and since she had grown numb to the thrill of it, it was again nothingness. Even the prostitution to the bitch-goddess was nothingness, though the men prostituted themselves innumerable times. Nothingness even that. 这真是令人费解的选择……将自己出卖给堕落女神。由于完全置身事外,丝毫体验不到激动的感觉,因此,在康妮眼中,成功同样难以跳脱虚无的藩篱。虽然这两个男人无数次地向堕落女神献身,但这种出卖灵魂的行为也根本没有任何意义。一切都只是虚无而已。 Michaelis wrote to Clifford about the play. Of course she knew about it long ago. And Clifford was again thrilled. He was going to be displayed again this time, somebody was going to display him, and to advantage. He invited Michaelis down to Wragby with Act I. 米凯利斯写信给克利福德,探讨剧本的创作。对此,康妮当然早已知情。克利福德再度陷入亢奋的状态。这次又捞到机会炫耀自己,且是假他人之手来吹嘘和抬高自己。他邀请米凯利斯带着剧本的第一幕,到拉格比做客。 Michaelis came: in summer, in a pale-coloured suit and white suede gloves, with mauve orchids for Connie, very lovely, and Act I was a great success. Even Connie was thrilled...thrilled to what bit of marrow she had left. And Michaelis, thrilled by his power to thrill, was really wonderful...and quite beautiful, in Connie's eyes. She saw in him that ancient motionlessness of a race that can't be disillusioned any more, an extreme, perhaps, of impurity that is pure. On the far side of his supreme prostitution to the bitch-goddess he seemed pure, pure as an African ivory mask that dreams impurity into purity, in its ivory curves and planes. 夏日时分,米凯利斯如约而至,身着浅色西装,手戴麂皮手套,将淡紫色兰花送给康妮,举止深情款款,而第一幕也写得精彩绝伦。甚至连康妮也激动不已……连骨髓里仅存的角落也为之陶醉。米凯利斯对自己非凡的魅力深感得意,康妮更是认为他无与伦比……玉树临风。在他身上,康妮发现不再幻灭的古老民族根深蒂固的静谧,某种猥亵到极致的纯洁。急不可耐地献身堕落女神固然可耻,但从远处端详,他却又似乎极其纯洁,如同毫无瑕疵的非洲象牙面具,那精雕细琢而成的曲线和平面,让人将所有的污点都想象成纯洁。 His moment of sheer thrill with the two Chatterleys, when he simply carried Connie and Clifford away, was one of the supreme moments of Michaelis' life. He had succeeded: he had carried them away. Even Clifford was temporarily in love with him...if that is the way one can put it. 米凯利斯与查泰莱夫妇相处得极其融洽,两人都为他而倾倒,这堪称其生命中的巅峰时刻之一。他获得了成功,让夫妻俩神魂颠倒。甚至克利福德都一度爱上了他……如果这个词能被用在同性之间。 So next morning Mick was more uneasy than ever; restless, devoured, with his hands restless in his trousers pockets. Connie had not visited him in the night...and he had not known where to find her. Coquetry!...at his moment of triumph. 因此,次日清晨,米克更觉得全身不自在,他坐立不安,心急火燎,插在裤兜里的双手也片刻不宁。康妮昨晚没来与他幽会……而他也不晓得到哪儿才能找到她。她竟然吊他的胃口!在他正觉春风得意的时刻。 He went up to her sitting-room in the morning. She knew he would come. And his restlessness was evident. He asked her about his play...did she think it good? He had to hear it praised: that affected him with the last thin thrill of passion beyond any sexual orgasm. And she praised it rapturously. Yet all the while, at the bottom of her soul, she knew it was nothing. 上午,他上楼去起居室找她。她早料到他会来。他烦乱的情绪表露无疑。他征求她对剧本的意见……问她是否觉得出色?他渴望听到她的赞美,这种赞美能够让他体验到最后一丝激动,甚至超过任何性高潮时的快感。她眉飞色舞地对剧本大加褒奖。但在内心深处,她却深知那作品其实毫无价值。 "Look here!" he said suddenly at last. "Why don't you and I make a clean thing of it? Why don't we marry?” "But I am married," she said, amazed, and yet feeling nothing. “听我说!”最后他突然说。“为何你我不干脆把事情挑明?为何你不嫁给我?”“但我已经身为人妇。”她惊讶地说,但却没有丝毫多余的感觉。 "Oh that!.. he'll divorce you all right. Why don't you and I marry? I want to marry. I know it would be the best thing for me...marry and lead a regular life. I lead the deuce of a life, simply tearing myself to pieces. Look here, you and I, we're made for one another...hand and glove. Why don't we marry? Do you see any reason why we shouldn't?” Connie looked at him amazed: and yet she felt nothing. These men, they were all alike, they left everything out. They just went off from the top of their heads as if they were squibs, and expected you to be carried heavenwards along with their own thin sticks. “省省吧!……他会痛痛快快地跟你离婚。我们干脆结婚吧。我想娶你。我深知这对我而言是最佳的选择……成家,过安稳的日子。我现在过得简直糟透了,简直要被活生生地撕成碎片。听我说,你和我,咱俩是天造地设的一对……就像手和手套那般相配。为什么我们不结成连理?实在找不到任何理由阻止我们这样做。”康妮表情错愕地看着他,心里依然没有一丝波澜。这些男人们,全都是一丘之貉,心里只考虑自己。他们好像爆竹般一个劲儿地往上窜,还希望你也能够拉住他们的小细棍儿,一起飞上天去。 "But I am married already," she said. "I can't leave Clifford, you know.” "Why not? but why not?" he cried. "He'll hardly know you've gone, after six months. He doesn't know that anybody exists, except himself. Why the man has no use for you at all, as far as I can see; he's entirely wrapped up in himself.” Connie felt there was truth in this. But she also felt that Mick was hardly making a display of selflessness. “但我已经是别人的妻子,”她说,“我不能丢下克利福德,这点你很清楚。”“为什么不能?原因究竟是什么?”他叫嚷着。“不出半年,他就会忘记你离去的事实。除了他自己,他不在乎任何人的存在。依我看,他对你而言没有半点用处,心里也只想着自己。”康妮觉得他的话切中要害。但她也清楚,米克这席话只不过彻底地展示出他有多么自私。 "Aren't all men wrapped up in themselves?" she asked. “男人们心里不都存不下别人么?”她问。 "Oh, more or less, I allow. A man's got to be, to get through. But that's not the point. The point is, what sort of a time can a man give a woman? Can he give her a damn good time, or can't he? If he can't he's no right to the woman...” He paused and gazed at her with his full, hazel eyes, almost hypnotic. "Now I consider," he added, "I can give a woman the darndest good time she can ask for. I think I can guarantee myself." "And what sort of a good time?" asked Connie, gazing on him still with a sort of amazement, that looked like thrill; and underneath feeling nothing at all. “哦,或多或少,这一点我承认。男人也是不得已而为之,只有这样才能到达成功的彼岸。但这并非问题的关键所在。关键在于,男人能让女人过怎样的生活。他是否能够带给女人快乐?如果答案是否定的,那么他就无权拥有这个女人……”他顿了顿,用那双淡褐色的大眼睛盯着康妮,几乎达到催眠的效果。“我认为,”他补充道,“我能满足女人的愿望,将她送上快乐的巅峰。这一点我极有把握。”“怎样的快乐呢?”康妮问,依然用惊诧的目光凝视着他,甚至看起来有些着迷,但心底却依然平静如水。 "Every sort of a good time, damn it, every sort! Dress, jewels up to a point, any nightclub you like, know anybody you want to know, live the pace...travel and be somebody wherever you go… Darn it, every sort of good time.” He spoke it almost in a brilliancy of triumph, and Connie looked at him as if dazzled, and really feeling nothing at all. Hardly even the surface of her mind was tickled at the glowing prospects he offered her. Hardly even her most outside self responded, that at any other time would have been thrilled. She just got no feeling from it, she couldn't "go off". She just sat and stared and looked dazzled, and felt nothing, only somewhere she smelt the extraordinarily unpleasant smell of the bitch-goddess. “各种各样的快乐,妈的,五彩缤纷的快乐!高档的衣服,名贵的首饰,你想去哪家夜店就去,想结交哪位名流都没问题,想买什么都可以……去哪里旅行都会被敬若上宾……见鬼,五光十色的快乐生活。”他说得眉飞色舞,而康妮也用似乎是惊异的眼神看着他,但心里却无动于衷。他所许诺的美好图景,甚至不能在她的心湖荡起丝毫涟漪。甚至连她最外在的自我都没有半点反应,若换个时间,她说不定早就热血沸腾了。她对此毫无感觉,没法“找到兴奋点”。她只是干坐在那里,注视着眼前的男人,摆出一副意乱情迷的模样,但内心却丝毫不为所动,只是嗅到堕落女神那极令人反感的骚味。 Mick sat on tenterhooks, leaning forward in his chair, glaring at her almost hysterically: and whether he was more anxious out of vanity for her to say Yes! Or whether he was more panic-stricken for fear she should say Yes!—who can tell? "I should have to think about it," she said. "I couldn't say now. It may seem to you Clifford doesn't count, but he does. When you think how disabled he is...” "Oh damn it all! If a fellow's going to trade on his disabilities, I might begin to say how lonely I am, and always have been, and all the rest of the my-eye-Betty-Martin sob-stuff! Damn it all, if a fellow's got nothing but disabilities to recommend him...” He turned aside, working his hands furiously in his trousers pockets. That evening he said to her: "You're coming round to my room tonight, aren't you? I don't darn know where your room is.” "All right!" she said. He was a more excited lover that night, with his strange, small boy's frail nakedness. Connie found it impossible to come to her crisis before he had really finished his. And he roused a certain craving passion in her, with his little boy's nakedness and softness; she had to go on after he had finished, in the wild tumult and heaving of her loins, while he heroically kept himself up, and present in her, with all his will and self-offering, till she brought about her own crisis, with weird little cries. 米克如坐针毡,身体前倾,用近乎歇斯底里的目光死死盯着她,究竟是急于听到她肯定的答案,以满足自己的虚荣心,还是口不对心,惊慌失措地唯恐她答应呢?这只有老天才晓得。“我得考虑一下,”她说,“现在没法给你答复。或许你认为可以不必顾及克利福德,但我做不到。只要想到他终身残废的事实……”“真他妈见鬼!要是有人总拿自己是残废来做借口,我还想说自己多么孤单呢,自始至终都孑然一身,还有那些琐碎无聊的屁事!见鬼去吧,要是哪个家伙只靠自己残疾的身体来博取同情……”他转过身去,双手在裤兜里抓狂似地乱动。傍晚时分,他央求她说:“夜里来我房间,好么?我根本搞不清你的房间在哪儿。”“好的!”她说。那晚他兴奋异常,他的赤裸的肌体在康妮面前如同一个陌生的小男孩一样柔弱。康妮发觉,自己根本还没有达到高潮,他就一泄如注了。他小男孩般的赤裸的柔软身躯挑起她体内炽烈的情欲。在他射精之后,她还得继续扭动,臀部高低起伏,而他仍然英勇地保持着坚挺,调动全部的性意念和奉献情怀,在她的体内支撑着,直到她达到性欲的巅峰,发出奇异而细微的呻吟。 When at last he drew away from her, he said, in a bitter, almost sneering little voice: "You couldn't go off at the same time as a man, could you? You'd have to bring yourself off! You'd have to run the show!” This little speech, at the moment, was one of the shocks of her life. Because that passive sort of giving himself was so obviously his only real mode of intercourse. 终于可以抽身而退时,他用挖苦甚至是嘲讽的口吻轻声说:“难道你就不能和男人同时达到高潮么?你总是我行我素!总要将指挥权握在手中!”在这样的时刻,听到如此的埋怨,康妮感到无比震惊。因为事情是明摆着的,被动配合是他完成交媾的唯一方式。 "What do you mean?" she said. “你的意思是?”她问。 "You know what I mean. You keep on for hours after I've gone off...and I have to hang on with my teeth till you bring yourself off by your own exertions.” She was stunned by this unexpected piece of brutality, at the moment when she was glowing with a sort of pleasure beyond words, and a sort of love for him. Because, after all, like so many modern men, he was finished almost before he had begun. And that forced the woman to be active. “你清楚我什么意思。我早就完事了,你却还没完没了……我只好咬牙坚持,直到你自己努力彻底爽翻。”康妮原本还沉浸在难以言喻的快感里,陶醉在对情郎的丝丝爱意中,但这番突如其来的粗鲁言语,让她感到无所适从。因为他像现在的许多男人一样,属于速战速决的典型。使得女人不得不采取主动。 "But you want me to go on, to get my own satisfaction?" she said. “可是,你不想要我继续下去,达到自己的满足么?”她问。 He laughed grimly: "I want it!" he said. "That's good! I want to hang on with my teeth clenched, while you go for me!” "But don't you?" she insisted. 他阴郁地笑着:“我想!”他说:“简直再好不过!我想紧咬牙关,让你随意折腾!”“难道你不愿意么?”她追问道。 He avoided the question. "All the darned women are like that," he said. "Either they don't go off at all, as if they were dead in there...or else they wait till a chap's really done, and then they start in to bring themselves off, and a chap's got to hang on. I never had a woman yet who went off just at the same moment as I did.” Connie only half heard this piece of novel, masculine information. She was only stunned by his feeling against her...his incomprehensible brutality. She felt so innocent. 米凯利斯顾左右而言他。“女人都他妈的一个德行。”他说。“要么死猪似的躺在那儿,没有半点激情;要么等男人完事了才来劲,让男人硬挺着伺候她们。我从来就没碰到过能和我一起高潮的女人。”康妮对这些新鲜的男性生理知识毫无兴趣。只是他那对自己的抵触情绪,以及那种难以理解的粗鲁态度,让她感到瞠目结舌。她觉得自己很无辜。 "But you want me to have my satisfaction too, don't you?" she repeated. “可你不想让我也得到满足么?”她再次重复着自己的问题。 "Oh, all right! I'm quite willing. But I'm darned if hanging on waiting for a woman to go off is much of a game for a man...” This speech was one of the crucial blows of Connie's life. It killed something in her. She had not been so very keen on Michaelis; till he started it, she did not want him. It was as if she never positively wanted him. But once he had started her, it seemed only natural for her to come to her own crisis with him. Almost she had loved him for it...almost that night she loved him, and wanted to marry him. “哦,没错!我的确想。但要是说硬挺着苦等女人达到高潮对男人来讲是愉快的,那才是怪事呢……”这番抱怨是康妮有生以来遭受过的最大打击。她心底某些美好的东西毁于一旦。她以前并未对米凯利斯有过热切渴望,他主动勾引他之前,她没有过跨越雷池的想法。她好像从未十足地向往过他。但毕竟是他挑起了她的欲望,她也觉得从他身上得到满足是理所应当的。为此她差点陷入爱河……那个夜晚,她差点爱上他,甚至想要嫁给他。 Perhaps instinctively he knew it, and that was why he had to bring down the whole show with a smash; the house of cards. Her whole sexual feeling for him, or for any man, collapsed that night. Her life fell apart from his as completely as if he had never existed. 或许他本能地察觉到她的情感波动,才会将一切美好的憧憬、虚构的幻象击得粉碎。她对他,或者说对所有男人的欲望,在当晚都土崩瓦解。两人自此再无过往,就好像他在自己的生活中从未存在过。 And she went through the days drearily. There was nothing now but this empty treadmill of what Clifford called the integrated life, the long living together of two people, who are in the habit of being in the same house with one another. 她继续郁郁寡欢地过活。所有的梦想都已破灭,只剩克利福德口中的完美生活空洞单调地重复着,两个人无休无止地共同生活在一起,只是因为习惯了与彼此同住一室。 Nothingness! To accept the great nothingness of life seemed to be the one end of living. All the many busy and important little things that make up the grand sum-total of nothingness! 空虚!人生的最终结局似乎就是要接受这生命中漫无边际的空虚。而构成这巨大空虚实体的,则是所有那些纷乱繁复的琐事! 第六章 "Why don't men and women really like one another nowadays?" Connie asked Tommy Dukes, who was more or less her oracle. “为何如今的男女之间已经没有真爱?”康妮请教汤米·杜克斯,这位军爷在她的心中,简直就是位先知。 Connie asked Tommy Dukes, who was more or less her oracle. 康妮请教汤米·杜克斯,这位军爷在她的心中,简直就是位先知。 "Oh, but they do! I don't think since the human species was invented, there has ever been a time when men and women have liked one another as much as they do today. Genuine liking! Take myself. I really like women better than men; they are braver, one can be more frank with them.” Connie pondered this. “噢,他们当然深爱彼此!依我看,自人类诞生以来,从未有过哪个时代的男女之爱甚于今日。情深意笃的爱恋!就拿我来说吧。在我眼中,女人确实优于男人,她们能够更加勇敢地面对一切,与她们更可开露心意,坦诚相待。”康妮思忖着他话中的玄机。 "Ah, yes, but you never have anything to do with them!" she said. “啊,话虽如此,可你从来没跟她们有过牵连!”她说。 "I? What am I doing but talking perfectly sincerely to a woman at this moment?" "Yes, talking..." "And what more could I do if you were a man, than talk perfectly sincerely to you?" "Nothing perhaps. But a woman..." "A woman wants you to like her and talk to her, and at the same time love her and desire her; and it seems to me the two things are mutually exclusive." "But they shouldn't be!” “我吗?”难道我此时不是正和一位女士推心置腹地倾谈么?”“是,交谈……”“若你是男人,那除了倾心交谈之外,我还能做些什么呢?”“或许什么也做不了。但若换成女人……”“女人渴望博得异性的好感,与他们倾心交谈,同时又能给她炽热的爱恋,对她朝思暮想。但在我看来,这两者根本风马牛不相及。”“但事情并非如你所言!” "No doubt water ought not to be so wet as it is; it overdoes it in wetness. But there it is! I like women and talk to them, and therefore I don't love them and desire them. The two things don't happen at the same time in me.” "I think they ought to." "All right. The fact that things ought to be something else than what they are, is not my department. “水本不该如此湿润,它的润泽情况确实超出想象。但这恰恰就是它的本质。我对女性深有好感,愿意跟她们攀谈,但正因为这样,我无法燃起爱火,也不会对她们魂牵梦绕。对我而言,此二者绝不可能兼顾。”“我认为完全可以兼顾。”“好吧。事情往往失去其本来面目,这并非我所能控制的。” Connie considered this. "It isn't true," she said. "Men can love women and talk to them. I don't see how they can love them WITHOUT talking, and being friendly and intimate. How can they?” "Well," he said, "I don't know. What's the use of my generalizing? I only know my own case. I like women, but I don't desire them. I like talking to them; but talking to them, though it makes me intimate in one direction, sets me poles apart from them as far as kissing is concerned. So there you are! But don't take me as a general example, probably I'm just a special case: one of the men who like women, but don't love women, and even hate them if they force me into a pretence of love, or an entangled appearance. 康妮思忖着他的言语。“此言差矣,”她反驳道,“彼此相爱的人本就应该倾心交谈。我搞不懂,如果没有交流,没有友好亲昵的关系,怎么能算相爱呢?这种事情怎么能够发生呢?”“哦,”他说,“我也说不准。何必因我片面的结论而以偏概全呢?我只清楚自己的情况。我会对女性产生好感,但却不会想要拥有她们。我愿意跟她们交谈,而且这样确实会在某方面拉近彼此的距离,但我从来没有亲吻她们的想法。你眼前的家伙就是如此!但以己推人未免过于主观,或许我只是个特例:一个喜欢异性,但却不会爱上她们的家伙,如果她们要我假作陷入爱河,或者陶醉其中,我甚至还会恨她们呢。” "But doesn't it make you sad?” "Why should it? Not a bit! I look at Charlie May, and the rest of the men who have affairs… No, I don't envy them a bit! If fate sent me a woman I wanted, well and good. Since I don't know any woman I want, and never see one...why, I presume I'm cold, and really like some women very much.” "Do you like me?" "Very much! And you see there's no question of kissing between us, is there?” "None at all!" said Connie. "But oughtn't there to be?” "Why, in God's name? I like Clifford, but what would you say if I went and kissed him?” "But isn't there a difference?” "Where does it lie, as far as we're concerned? We're all intelligent human beings, and the male and female business is in abeyance. Just in abeyance. How would you like me to start acting up like a continental male at this moment, and parading the sex thing?” "I should hate it." "Well then! I tell you, if I'm really a male thing at all, I never run across the female of my species. And I don't miss her, I just like women. Who's going to force me into loving or pretending to love them, working up the sex game?” "No, I'm not. But isn't something wrong?” "You may feel it, I don't.” "Yes, I feel something is wrong between men and women. A woman has no glamour for a man any more." "Has a man for a woman?" She pondered the other side of the question. “可你不会因此感到沮丧么?”“为何要沮丧?压根儿没有!看到查理·梅之流偷腥的家伙……我一点儿也不羡慕他们!如果命运使然,让我遇到中意的女子,那再好不过。因为从未有任何女子能令我倾倒……哎,多半是因为我太过冷淡,但对某些异性,我的确极有好感。”“你对我有好感么?”“很有好感!不过,你看,咱俩之间就没发生接吻之类的亲昵行为,对吗?”“当然没有!”康妮说。“可这些难道不应该发生么?”“为什么?以上帝的名义?我同样不反感克利福德,如果我跟他接吻,你会作何感想呢?”“但两者终归存在差别,不是么?”“差别究竟在何处,就拿你我为例?我们都是聪慧之人,从不牵扯男欢女爱。从不涉及到那种事。如果此刻,我表现得像个举止轻佻的浪荡子,张嘴闭嘴大谈性事,你会有何想法?”“我会感到厌恶。”“这不就得了!听我说,如果我当真是如假包换的男子汉,绝对碰不到性情相投的女子。我也不会日思夜盼她的到来,只是保留着对异性的好感。又有谁会勉强我去爱她们,装出堕入情网的模样,只为片刻的欢愉呢?”“不,我不会那样做。但是不是哪里出了问题?”“或许你察觉到什么,但我却意识不到。”“对,我觉得男女间的关系有些异样。对于男人而言,女人不再有任何魅力。”“男人之于女人呢?”变换角度的问法让她陷入沉思。 "Not much," she said truthfully. “也没什么吸引力。”她坦言。 "Then let's leave it all alone, and just be decent and simple, like proper human beings with one another. Be damned to the artificial sex-compulsion! I refuse it!” Connie knew he was right, really. Yet it left her feeling so forlorn, so forlorn and stray. Like a chip on a dreary pond, she felt. What was the point, of her or anything? It was her youth which rebelled. These men seemed so old and cold. Everything seemed old and cold. And Michaelis let one down so; he was no good. The men didn't want one; they just didn't really want a woman, even Michaelis didn't. “那么不妨听其自然,做个情操高尚的纯粹之人,真诚得体地对待彼此。至于那些矫揉造作的性爱欲求,就让它们见鬼去吧!我不会与之有任何干系!”康妮清楚他说的的确在理。但她却深感凄清孤寂,惆怅迷惘。好似荒凉池塘中摇摆的草芥。她或者是其他任何事物,存在的意义又是什么呢?体内的青春气息不甘屈服,奋起抗争。这些男人们都显得苍老而又冷酷。万事万物也似乎都陈腐且寡然无味。米凯利斯伤透女人的心,他实在不是理想的对象。男人不愿跟女人纠缠,他们对异性无甚兴趣,甚至连米凯利斯都是如此。 And the bounders who pretended they did, and started working the sex game, they were worse than ever. 而那些装作沉浸其中、好为性事的下流胚,更是不可原谅。 It was just dismal, and one had to put up with it. It was quite true, men had no real glamour for a woman: if you could fool yourself into thinking they had, even as she had fooled herself over Michaelis, that was the best you could do. Meanwhile you just lived on and there was nothing to it. She understood perfectly well why people had cocktail parties, and jazzed, and Charlestoned till they were ready to drop. You had to take it out some way or other, your youth, or it ate you up. But what a ghastly thing, this youth! You felt as old as Methuselah, and yet the thing fizzed somehow, and didn't let you be comfortable. A mean sort of life! And no prospect! She almost wished she had gone off with Mick, and made her life one long cocktail party, and jazz evening. Anyhow that was better than just mooning yourself into the grave. 这确实令人沮丧,但除了忍受也别无他法。千真万确,对女人来说,男人全无吸引力可言:若你掩耳盗铃,幻想他们依然魅力非凡,甚至像康妮那样被米凯利斯蒙蔽双眼,这倒也是自我安慰的妙招。但即使如此,你仍只是浑噩度日,生活依然空洞虚无。她彻底弄明白,人们为何流连鸡尾酒会,醉心爵士乐,狂跳查尔斯顿舞,直到精疲力竭,才肯罢休。你得想尽方法挥霍自己的青春,否则就只能被它活活吞噬。青春多么地可怕呀!你感觉自己如玛士撒拉(注:《圣经·创世记》中的人物,据传享年969岁)般老态龙钟,但那东西却在体内翻腾奔涌,使你不得安生。何等庸碌的生活啊!看不到半点希望!她甚至后悔当初没跟米克一走了之,将生活变成声色犬马的无尽长夜。那也比虚度光阴,郁郁而终要强。 On one of her bad days she went out alone to walk in the wood, ponderously, heeding nothing, not even noticing where she was. The report of a gun not far off startled and angered her. 某个情绪低落的日子,康妮独自去林中散步,心事满腹,漫无目的地走着,甚至没留意自己身在何处。不远处的一声枪响将她惊醒,也让她心头火起。 Then, as she went, she heard voices, and recoiled. People! She didn't want people. But her quick ear caught another sound, and she roused; it was a child sobbing. At once she attended; someone was ill-treating a child. She strode swinging down the wet drive, her sullen resentment uppermost. She felt just prepared to make a scene. 她循音觅去,耳边传来说话声,不禁有些畏缩。有人!她不愿碰到任何人。可她灵敏的耳朵却捕捉到另一种声响,不由得警惕起来;那是孩子的抽泣声。她立即警觉起来,准是什么人在虐待孩子。她沿着潮湿的马道,快步向前走去,满腔的怒火已经不可抑止。她知道自己准要大吵大闹一番。 Turning the corner, she saw two figures in the drive beyond her: the keeper, and a little girl in a purple coat and moleskin cap, crying. 转过弯,她看到马道上出现两个人的身影:那护林人,和一个身穿紫色外套、头戴斜纹棉帽的小女孩,发出哭声正是她。 "Ah, shut it up, tha false little bitch!" came the man's angry voice, and the child sobbed louder. “呀,闭嘴,臭丫头!”那男人怒气冲冲地呵斥着,孩子的哭声更响了。 Constance strode nearer, with blazing eyes. The man turned and looked at her, saluting coolly, but he was pale with anger. 康斯坦斯大步走到近前,怒目横眉。那男人转过脸看着他,态度冷淡地躬身施礼,脸气得煞白。 "What's the matter? Why is she crying?" demanded Constance, peremptory but a little breathless. “怎么回事?她为什么啼哭?”康斯坦斯逼问道,语气斩钉截铁,但心里还是不免有些不敢大声出气。 A faint smile like a sneer came on the man's face. "Nay, yo mun ax'er," he replied callously, in broad vernacular. 那男人脸上闪过一丝睥睨的微笑。“恁自己去问她就是。”他冷冷地答道,仍操着那口浓重的方言。 Connie felt as if he had hit her in the face, and she changed colour. Then she gathered her defiance, and looked at him, her dark blue eyes blazing rather vaguely. 康妮感觉像挨了一记耳光,气得颜色更变。她调动起所有轻蔑,瞪着眼前的男人,可深蓝色双眸中闪烁着的光芒依然游移。 "I asked you," she panted. “我问的是你。”她呼吸急促。 He gave a queer little bow, lifting his hat. "You did, your Ladyship," he said; then, with a return to the vernacular: "but I canna tell yer." And he became a soldier, inscrutable, only pale with annoyance. 他扬起帽子,姿势怪异地轻鞠一躬。“没错,夫人,”他说,接着又换成那套土腔土调,“可俺不能不告诉恁。”此刻的他俨然变成战士,难以捉摸,只是因为恼怒而面色铁青。 Connie turned to the child, a ruddy, black-haired thing of nine or ten. "What is it, dear? Tell me why you're crying!" she said, with the conventionalized sweetness suitable. More violent sobs, self-conscious. Still more sweetness on Connie's part. 康妮转向那女孩,小姑娘大概九岁或十岁,脸蛋红扑扑的,头发乌黑。“怎么回事,宝贝?告诉我你为什么哭。”她换上哄小孩的温柔口吻。或许是感觉有所倚靠,孩子哭得更凶了。而康妮的态度则愈发温和。 "There, there, don't you cry! Tell me what they've done to you!”...an intense tenderness of tone. At the same time she felt in the pocket of her knitted jacket, and luckily found a sixpence. “好啦,好啦,别哭了。告诉我他们对你做了什么。”……语调中饱含着柔情。她边说,边在毛衣口袋里摸索着,幸运地找到一枚六便士硬币。 "Don't you cry then!" she said, bending in front of the child. "See what I've got for you!” Sobs, snuffles, a fist taken from a blubbered face, and a black shrewd eye cast for a second on the sixpence. Then more sobs, but subduing. "There, tell me what's the matter, tell me!" said Connie, putting the coin into the child's chubby hand, which closed over it. “不要哭了,”她弯下腰,对女孩说,“看看我给你找到什么。”女孩呜咽着,抽着鼻涕,一个小拳头从布满泪痕的脸蛋上移开,露出一只机灵的黑眼睛,目光在硬币上停留片刻。接着又抽泣起来,但哭声已经减弱许多。“听话,告诉我到底怎么回事,乖乖跟我说。”康妮说着,把硬币塞进女孩胖乎乎的手里,那只小手紧紧将钱攥住。 "It's the...it's the...pussy!” Shudders of subsiding sobs. “是因为……是因为……猫咪!”抽噎声逐渐减弱,身体瑟瑟发抖。 "What pussy, dear?" After a silence the shy fist, clenching on sixpence, pointed into the bramble brake. “什么猫咪,亲爱的?”沉默半晌,她怯生生地抬起拳头,指向不远处的荆棘丛,手里依然紧握着那枚硬币。 "There!" “在那儿!” Connie looked, and there, sure enough, was a big black cat, stretched out grimly, with a bit of blood on it. 康妮望过去,发现是只硕大的黑猫,面目狰狞地躺在那里,血迹斑斑。 "Oh!" she said in repulsion. “噢!”她嫌恶地叫道。 "A poacher, your Ladyship," said the man satirically. “是只偷腥的野猫,夫人。”那男子话中有话。 She glanced at him angrily. "No wonder the child cried," she said, "if you shot it when she was there. No wonder she cried!" 她气呼呼地瞥了他一眼。“难怪孩子会哭,”她说,“你居然当着她的面杀生。怪不得她会哭呢!” He looked into Connie's eyes, laconic, contemptuous, not hiding his feelings. And again Connie flushed; she felt she had been making a scene, the man did not respect her. 他凝视着康妮的双眼,片刻停留后移开,毫不掩饰自己的轻蔑。康妮的脸再度泛起红潮,觉得大发脾气有些不妥,这才会招致他的鄙视。 "What is your name?" she said playfully to the child. "Won't you tell me your name?” Sniffs; then very affectedly in a piping voice: "Connie Mellors!" "Connie Mellors! Well, that's a nice name! And did you come out with your Daddy, and he shot a pussy? But it was a bad pussy!” The child looked at her, with bold, dark eyes of scrutiny, sizing her up, and her condolence. “你叫什么名字?”她又逗弄起那女孩来。“告诉我你的名字好不好?”小姑娘抽着鼻子,嗲声嗲气地回答:“康妮·梅勒斯!”“康妮·梅勒斯!哦,多好听的名字呀!你跟爸爸出门,他打死了猫咪?可那是只坏猫咪!”孩子忽闪着那双皂白分明的眼睛,毫无怯意地打量着康妮,揣度着她,掂量着她的同情心。 "I wanted to stop with my Gran," said the little girl. “我本来想和奶奶呆在一起的。”小姑娘说。 "Did you? But where is your Gran?" The child lifted an arm, pointing down the drive. "At th'cottidge.” "At the cottage! And would you like to go back to her?" Sudden, shuddering quivers of reminiscent sobs. "Yes!" "Come then, shall I take you? Shall I take you to your Gran? Then your Daddy can do what he has to do." She turned to the man. "It is your little girl, isn't it?” He saluted, and made a slight movement of the head in affirmation. “是么?可你奶奶在哪儿呢?”女孩抬起胳膊,顺着马道指向前方。“屋子里。”“小屋里。你想回去找她吗?”女孩突然全身颤抖,想起奶奶,眼泪又禁不住流下来。“想!”“那来吧,我带你去好吗?我带你去奶奶身边?这样一来,你爸爸就可以去办自己的事了。”她转过头问孩子父亲。“这是你女儿,对吧?”他再次行礼,微微颔首以示肯定。 "I suppose I can take her to the cottage?" asked Connie. “可以让我送她回家去吗?”康妮问。 "If your Ladyship wishes." Again he looked into her eyes, with that calm, searching detached glance. A man very much alone, and on his own. “只要夫人想这么做。”两人的眼神再度交汇,他的目光依旧那样镇定自若,超然物外,似乎能够洞察一切。这是位独来独往,我行我素的男子汉。 "Would you like to come with me to the cottage, to your Gran, dear?" The child peeped up again. "Yes!" she simpered. “你愿意跟我回家,去奶奶身边吗,宝贝?”女孩又提高了声音。“愿意!”她扭捏地笑着。 Connie disliked her; the spoilt, false little female. Nevertheless she wiped her face and took her hand. The keeper saluted in silence. 康妮并不喜欢这小丫头,她备受溺爱,全然没有孩子的纯真。尽管如此,她照样给他拭去泪痕,牵过她的小手。那守林人默不作声,行礼致谢。 "Good morning!" said Connie. “再见!”康妮说。 It was nearly a mile to the cottage, and Connie senior was well red by Connie junior by the time the game-keeper's picturesque little home was in sight. The child was already as full to the brim with tricks as a little monkey, and so self-assured. 大约有一英里路程,当守林人那别具一格的小农舍映入眼帘,大康妮已经彻底受够了小康妮。这孩子鬼灵精怪,活像只小猴子,而且很自以为是。 At the cottage the door stood open, and there was a rattling heard inside. Connie lingered, the child slipped her hand, and ran indoors. 小屋的门没关,里面传出咔嗒咔嗒的声响。康妮放缓脚步,女孩挣出手来,跑进屋去。 "Gran! Gran!" “奶奶!奶奶!” "Why, are yer back a'ready!” “咋回事?这会儿就回来了!” The grandmother had been blackleading the stove, it was Saturday morning. She came to the door in her sacking apron, a blacklead-brush in her hand, and a black smudge on her nose. She was a little, rather dry woman. 那是周六的早晨,女孩的祖母正用黑铅粉漆着炉灶。她系着粗布围裙,走到门口来,手拿沾满铅粉的毛刷,鼻头上有块黑渍。她五短身材,形容颇为枯槁。 "Why, whatever?" she said, hastily wiping her arm across her face as she saw Connie standing outside. “哎呀,啥事情?”她说,看到康妮站在屋外,忙不迭地抬起手臂去抹脸。 "Good morning!" said Connie. "She was crying, so I just brought her home." The grandmother looked around swiftly at the child: "Why, wheer was yer Dad?" The little girl clung to her grandmother's skirts and simpered. “早安!”康妮说。“她哭个不停,我就把她送回家来了。”孩子祖母麻利地转过来望向自己的孙女。“我说,你爹上哪去了?”小姑娘扯着奶奶的裙摆,哧哧笑着。 "He was there," said Connie, "but he'd shot a poaching cat, and the child was upset.” "Oh, you'd no right t'ave bothered, Lady Chatterley, I'm sure! I'm sure it was very good of you, but you shouldn't 'ave bothered. Why, did ever you see! and the old woman turned to the child: "Fancy Lady Chatterley takin' all that trouble over yer! Why, she shouldn't ave bothered!” “他在那边呢,”康妮解释说,“可他击毙一只野猫,把孩子给吓着了。”“哦,真是太麻烦您了,查泰莱夫人。您的心肠实在太好了,可真不应该给您添麻烦。嘿,你瞧见没?老人转向孩子道:“恁给好查泰莱夫人添了不少麻烦!唉,麻烦她真是过意不去!” "It was no bother, just a walk," said Connie smiling. “没什么麻烦的,我正好也散散步。”康妮笑着说。 "Why, I'm sure 'twas very kind of you, I must say! So she was crying! I knew there'd be something afore they got far. She's frightened of 'im, that's wheer it is. Seems 'e's almost a stranger to 'er, fair a stranger, and I don't think they're two as'd hit it off very easy. He's got funny ways.” Connie didn't know what to say. “哎呀,您真是大好人,这可是掏心掏肺的话!也难怪这丫头会哭!他俩还没走远,我就知道会出岔子。她怕她爹,这是根本原因。她几乎把他当作外人,地地道道的外人,他俩压根儿就合不来。他的脾气可怪呢。”康妮不知如何回应。 "Look, Gran!" simpered the child. “奶奶,快看!”女孩笑着说。 The old woman looked down at the sixpence in the little girl's hand. 老妇人低头看到女孩手中的硬币。 "An'sixpence an'all! Oh, your Ladyship, you shouldn't, you shouldn't. Why, isn't Lady Chatterley good to yer! My word, you're a lucky girl this morning!” She pronounced the name, as all the people did: Chat'ley. Connie was moving away... "Well, thank you ever so much, Lady Chat'ley, I'm sure. Say thank you to Lady Chat'ley!"——this last to the child.” “六便士呢!噢,尊敬的夫人,您何必这样呢,您不必这样的。天呢,查泰莱夫人对恁多好!哎呀,你这丫头今儿早上真是交运了!”跟所有村民一样,她把查泰莱读作查莱。康妮正打算抽身离去。“哦,从心底感谢您,查莱夫人。跟查莱夫人说谢谢!”最后这句是跟孙女说的。 "Thank you," piped the child. “谢谢。”女孩尖声细气地说。 "There's a dear!" laughed Connie, and she moved away, saying "Good morning", heartily relieved to get away from the contact. “真是乖孩子!”康妮笑着回应,道别后,便转身远去,能摆脱这对祖孙,她感觉如释重负。 Curious, she thought, that that thin, proud man should have that little, sharp woman for a mother! 她心中暗自诧异,那个身材瘦削、目中无人的男子,居然有位五短身材、却精明强干的母亲! And the old woman, as soon as Connie had gone, rushed to the bit of mirror in the scullery, and looked at her face. Seeing it, she stamped her foot with impatience. "Of COURE she had to catch me in my coarse apron, and a dirty face! Nice idea she'd get of me!” Connie went slowly home to Wragby. "Home!——it was a warm word to use for that great, weary warren. But then it was a word that had had its day. It was somehow cancelled. All the great words, it seemed to Connie, were cancelled for her generation: love, joy, happiness, home, mother, father, husband, all these great, dynamic words were half dead now, and dying from day to day. Home was a place you lived in, love was a thing you didn't fool yourself about, joy was a word you applied to a good Charleston, happiness was a term of hypocrisy used to bluff other people, a father was an individual who enjoyed his own existence, a husband was a man you lived with and kept going in spirits. As for sex, the last of the great words, it was just a cocktail term for an excitement that bucked you up for a while, then left you more raggy than ever. Frayed! It was as if the very material you were made of was cheap stuff, and was fraying out to nothing. 康妮前脚刚走,那老妪就忙不迭地跑到洗碗池旁,对着一块小镜子,端详起自己的脸来。看到鼻头的黑渍,她气急败坏地跺着脚。“她一准看见我的粗布围裙,还有脏兮兮的脸!她肯定把我当作笑柄!”康妮缓步向拉格比家中走去。“家!——这个词给那栋沉郁的大宅平添几分温暖。但如今,这个词已经过了时。不知何故被剔除了。康妮觉得,似乎所有美妙的字眼都与自己这代人绝缘:爱情,快乐,幸福,家庭,母亲,父亲,丈夫。所有这些生机盎然的绝佳词汇,现在都已半死不活,逐渐走向衰亡。家庭乃存身之地,爱情不容自欺,快乐用来形容热舞时的感受,幸福是蒙蔽他人的虚伪用词,父亲只懂享受自己的生活,丈夫与你同住一个屋檐下,又要你打起精神与他一起生活。至于性爱,所有伟大词汇的终结篇,不过是个牵强附会的字眼,用以形容某种亢奋的状态,它能瞬间将你送上快乐的巅峰,紧接着让你变得支离破碎,比以往更加不堪。一点点被磨碎!好像你是用最廉价材料做成的次品,只会逐渐被消磨殆尽,直到尸骨无存。 All that really remained was a stubborn stoicism: and in that there was a certain pleasure. In the very experience of the nothingness of life, phase after phase, Étape After Étape, there was a certain grisly satisfaction. So that's that! Always this was the last utterance: home, love, marriage, Michaelis: So that's that! And when one died, the last words to life would be: So that's that! 硕果仅存的只剩那难以摆脱的淡漠,而在其中能够品味到某种愉悦。空虚的生命之旅一段又一段,一程又一程,而体验到的是某种令人胆战心惊的满足感。仅此而已!这句话总作为演说的结语:家庭,爱情,婚姻,米凯利斯,仅此而已!寿终正寝时,留给人生的告别辞仍是:仅此而已! Money? Perhaps one couldn't say the same there. Money one always wanted. Money, Success, the bitch-goddess, as Tommy Dukes persisted in calling it, after Henry James, that was a permanent necessity. You couldn't spend your last sou, and say finally: So that's that! No, if you lived even another ten minutes, you wanted a few more sous for something or other. Just to keep the business mechanically going, you needed money. You had to have it. Money you HAVE to have. You needn't really have anything else. So that's that! 金钱呢?或许只能另当别论。人生在世,总离不开金钱。金钱意味着成功,而成功则是汤米·杜克斯口中常提到的堕落女神,他借用了亨利·詹姆斯(注:1843-1916,美国小说家、评论家)的比喻。这些始终是人类需要的东西。花掉最后的铜板,用“仅此而已!”来给人生作结,没人能够做到这一点。这显然行不通,即使生命仅剩十分钟,还是需要更多的钱来做这做那。要使任何事有效地进行下去,都需要金钱作为后盾。它是生活的必需品。你必须拥有金钱。其余所有的东西都可以抛到一边。仅此而已! Since, of course, it's not your own fault you are alive. Once you are alive, money is a necessity, and the only absolute necessity. All the rest you can get along without, at a pinch. But not money. Emphatically, that's that! 当然,活在世上并不是你的错。可只要活着,就得有钱,它是世间唯一必不可少的东西。紧关截要时,其他的一切都可以抛开。而金钱除外。再度重申,仅此而已! She thought of Michaelis, and the money she might have had with him; and even that she didn't want. She preferred the lesser amount which she helped Clifford to make by his writing. That she actually helped to make. 'Clifford and I together, we make twelve hundred a year out of writing'; so she put it to herself. Make money! Make it! Out of nowhere. Wring it out of the thin air! The last feat to be humanly proud of! The rest all—my—eye—Betty—Martin. 她回忆起米凯利斯,想到与他私奔后可能会拥有的财富;但即使如此,她仍然不稀罕!她宁愿帮助克利福德完成创作,以获得那为数不多的收入。那份钱里凝聚着她的心血。“我和克利福德共同努力,每年靠写作,就能赚回1200英镑。”她这样对自己说。赚钱!赚钱!无中生有。凭空杜撰!这是她生活中唯一可以标榜的事情!其他的都是鬼话连篇。 So she plodded home to Clifford, to join forces with him again, to make another story out of nothingness: and a story meant money. Clifford seemed to care very much whether his stories were considered first-class literature or not. Strictly, she didn't care. Nothing in it! said her father. Twelve hundred pounds last year! was the retort simple and final. 于是,她步履沉重地回到家中,回到克利福德身边,继续与他凭空捏造出又一部小说,一部能够换回金钱的小说。克利福德似乎很在意自己的小说是否被界定为一流作品。她却对此漠不关心。空洞无物!父亲如此评价。去年就挣回1200英镑!她的反驳简单而决绝。 If you were young, you just set your teeth, and bit on and held on, till the money began to flow from the invisible; it was a question of power. It was a question of will; a subtle, subtle, powerful emanation of will out of yourself brought back to you the mysterious nothingness of money a word on a bit of paper. It was a sort of magic, certainly it was triumph. The bitch-goddess! Well, if one had to prostitute oneself, let it be to a bitch-goddess! One could always despise her even while one prostituted oneself to her, which was good. 若你正青春年少,只需咬紧牙关,坚持到底,财富便会从天而降,这与你的才能息息相关。这同样与决心有关,意志力散发的过程难以捉摸,却又立竿见影,为你带回神秘虚无的金钱——那印有文字的小纸片。金钱拥有某种魔力,当然也意味着成功。那堕落女神!唉,如果卖身已经不可避免,那么就选择堕落女神好了!即使卖身于她,仍可以保留着心中的那份蔑视,这确实是理想的选择。 Clifford, of course, had still many childish taboos and fetishes. He wanted to be thought "really good", which was all cock-a-hoopy nonsense. What was really good was what actually caught on. It was no good being really good and getting left with it. It seemed as if most of the "really good" men just missed the bus. After all you only lived one life, and if you missed the bus, you were just left on the pavement, along with the rest of the failures. 克利福德当然仍保留着许多孩子气的忌讳和情结。他期望跻身“杰出”的行列,但这一自负的想法显然只是痴人说梦。真正的杰出意味着受到公众的广泛认可。才华出众却无人问津,是件糟糕的事情。似乎绝大多数的真正杰出人士都与机遇擦肩而过。人生苦短,若错失良机,就只能与其他失败者一道,体味被遗弃的苦涩。 Connie was contemplating a winter in London with Clifford, next winter. He and she had caught the bus all right, so they might as well ride on top for a bit, and show it. 康妮打算来年冬天与克利福德共赴伦敦。他俩都已将机遇握在手中,因此或许可能体验到那居高临下的畅快瞬间,并且大肆炫耀一番。 The worst of it was, Clifford tended to become vague, absent, and to fall into fits of vacant depression. It was the wound to his psyche coming out. But it made Connie want to scream. Oh God, if the mechanism of the consciousness itself was going to go wrong, then what was one to do? Hang it all, one did one's bit! Was one to be let down ABSOLUTELY? Sometimes she wept bitterly, but even as she wept she was saying to herself: Silly fool, wetting hankies! As if that would get you anywhere! 可糟糕的是,克利福德逐渐变得迷惘,心不在焉,时常堕入空虚与抑郁之中,不可自拔。这是心灵的创伤慢慢在显现。但这一切逼得康妮想要尖叫。噢,上帝,如果意识运行机制出现偏差,该怎么办才好呢?真是活见鬼,但也只能尽人事听天命。难道还能彻底放弃不成?有时她也会痛哭流涕,但就算泪流满面,她也会提醒自己:傻瓜,把手帕都沾湿了!流泪根本无济于事! Since Michaelis, she had made up her mind she wanted nothing. That seemed the simplest solution of the otherwise insoluble. She wanted nothing more than what she'd got; only she wanted to get ahead with what she'd got: Clifford, the stories, Wragby, the Lady-Chatterley business, money and fame, such as it was...she wanted to go ahead with it all. Love, sex, all that sort of stuff, just water-ices! Lick it up and forget it. If you don't hang on to it in your mind, it's nothing. Sex especially...nothing! Make up your mind to it, and you've solved the problem. Sex and a cocktail: they both lasted about as long, had the same effect, and amounted to about the same thing. 自从与米凯利斯决裂,她已下定决心杜绝任何欲求。这似乎是唯一行之有效的解决方法。她不再奢求其他任何东西,只会好好珍惜目前拥有的:克利福德,小说,拉格比,从男爵夫人的地位,金钱与名誉,诸如此类……她想将这一切都好好经营下去。爱情,性爱,这些都只是爽口的冰糕!浅尝过后便可尽数遗忘。若不为之牵肠挂肚,它就无足轻重。性爱尤其如此……根本无关紧要!只要下定决心,所有问题都会迎刃而解。性爱像杯鸡尾酒,两者持续的时间大致相当,起到的效果也不相上下,因此没什么本质区别。 But a child, a baby! That was still one of the sensations. She would venture very gingerly on that experiment. There was the man to consider, and it was curious, there wasn't a man in the world whose children you wanted. Mick's children! Repulsive thought! As lief have a child to a rabbit! Tommy Dukes? he was very nice, but somehow you couldn't associate him with a baby, another generation. He ended in himself. And out of all the rest of Clifford's pretty wide acquaintance, there was not a man who did not rouse her contempt, when she thought of having a child by him. There were several who would have been quite possible as lover, even Mick. But to let them breed a child on you! Ugh! Humiliation and abomination. 但孩子与之不同,康妮仍希望拥有自己的宝宝。这样的想法仍会让她激动不已。她打算从长计议,绝不草率行事。必须选择一个合适的男人,但奇怪的是,天底下居然找不到康妮中意的对象,让她心甘情愿地为之生子。米克的孩子!想想就觉得恶心!宁可跟一只兔子下崽!汤米·杜克斯?他人品极佳,但不知为何,总是难以把他跟孩子、跟下一代联系起来。这位仁兄宁愿孤独终老。至于克利福德为数众多的亲朋好友,想到其中一位将成为孩子的父亲,她就会觉得可鄙。有几位倒是挺适合做情人,甚至米克。但为他们产下后代!呸!想想就觉得羞耻又恶心。 So that was that! 仅此而已! Nevertheless, Connie had the child at the back of her mind. Wait! Wait! She would sift the generations of men through her sieve, and see if she couldn't find one who would do. "Go ye into the streets and by ways of Jerusalem, and see if you can find a man." It had been impossible to find a man in the Jerusalem of the prophet, though there were thousands of male humans. But a MAN! C'EST UNE AUTRECHOSE! 尽管如此,康妮心底还是渴望拥有自己的孩子。等等!再等等!她要将这一代男人悉数筛选一遍,看看是否当真就没有合意的目标。“前往耶路撒冷的大街小巷,看看是否能够找到真正的男子汉。”在先知之城耶路撒冷,都找不到真正的男子汉,虽说男人倒是成千上万。但说到男子汉,可就是另外一码事! She had an idea that he would have to be a foreigner: not an Englishman, still less an Irishman. A real foreigner. 她甚至想过找个外国人,既不是英国人,更不是爱尔兰人。真正的外国人。 But wait! Wait! Next winter she would get Clifford to London; the following winter she would get him abroad to the South of France, Italy. Wait! She was in no hurry about the child. That was her own private affair, and the one point on which, in her own queer, female way, she was serious to the bottom of her soul. She was not going to risk any chance comer, not she! One might take a lover almost at any moment, but a man who should beget a child on one...wait! Wait! It's a very different matter. "Go ye into the streets and byways of Jerusalem..." It was not a question of love; it was a question of a man. Why, one might even rather hate him, personally. Yet if he was the man, what would one's personal hate matter? This business concerned another part of oneself. 但等等!先等等!明年冬天,她会带克利福德去伦敦;后年冬天,她要带他去法国南部,去意大利。耐心等待!她并不着急要孩子。这是她的私事,身为女子的她有着独特的处理方式,在灵魂深处,她对于此事的态度极为慎重。她不会选择与露水情人生子,这不符合她的原则。共度春宵的对象随时都能找到,但与之诞下婴孩的异性……还是等等再说!再等等!这可是与众不同的大事。“前往耶路撒冷的大街小巷……”这件事并不涉及爱情,而关系到他是否是真正的男子汉。没错,或许私底下可能还恨他入骨。但如果他确实是如假包换的男子汉,个人恩怨又算得了什么呢?这并非个人的情感问题。 It had rained as usual, and the paths were too sodden for Clifford's chair, but Connie would go out. She went out alone every day now, mostly in the wood, where she was really alone. She saw nobody there. 阴雨连绵,路面湿滑,克利福德无法驾轮椅出行,但康妮却常常出门散步。现在,她每天都会独自外出,多数时间是去林中徜徉,在那里她真正体验到独处的感觉。不会被任何人打扰。 This day, however, Clifford wanted to send a message to the keeper, and as the boy was laid up with influenza, somebody always seemed to have influenza at Wragby, Connie said she would call at the cottage. 这天,克利福德要捎口信给守林人,但跑腿的小厮因患流感,卧床不起——拉格比似乎总有人与流感结缘,而康妮表示她愿意代劳。 The air was soft and dead, as if all the world were slowly dying. Grey and clammy and silent, even from the shuffling of the collieries, for the pits were working short time, and today they were stopped altogether. The end of all things! 空气轻柔凝滞,似乎整个世界都慢慢陷入濒死的境地。一切都灰暗阴郁,冰冷潮湿,寂静无声,甚至连几处煤矿都没有半点动静,原因是矿区缩短了工时,而今天更是干脆就没开工。世间万物都停止了运转! In the wood all was utterly inert and motionless, only great drops fell from the bare boughs, with a hollow little crash. For the rest, among the old trees was depth within depth of grey, hopeless inertia, silence, nothingness. 林中万籁俱寂,只有大颗的水滴从光秃秃的枝桠上落下,发出微弱的声响。除此之外,古老的树林中只有那无穷无尽的灰暗,挥之不去的绝望,以及寂静和空虚。 Connie walked dimly on. From the old wood came an ancient melancholy, somehow soothing to her, better than the harsh insentience of the outer world. She liked the inwardness of the remnant of forest, the unspeaking reticence of the old trees. They seemed a very power of silence, and yet a vital presence. They, too, were waiting: obstinately, stoically waiting, and giving off a potency of silence. Perhaps they were only waiting for the end; to be cut down, cleared away, the end of the forest, for them the end of all things. But perhaps their strong and aristocratic silence, the silence of strong trees, meant something else. 康妮在微光中继续前行。历尽沧桑的树林散发出某种久远的忧郁,这种气息抚慰着她的心灵,至少远远好过外面世界的残酷无情。她喜欢这片残余森林的内敛,青睐古老树木的沉默寡言。它们拥有某种沉默的力量,又显示出旺盛的生命力。它们同样在等待,倔强而又坚忍地等待着,在沉默中散发出潜能。或许它们等待的只是末日的降临,被砍伐,被运走,对它们而言,森林的毁灭,对其来说就是一切的终结。但它们那坚韧而高贵的沉默,那属于强悍树木的静默,蕴含着其他的深意。 As she came out of the wood on the north side, the keeper's cottage, a rather dark, brown stone cottage, with gables and a handsome chimney, looked uninhabited, it was so silent and alone. But a thread of smoke rose from the chimney, and the little railed-in garden in the front of the house was dug and kept very tidy. The door was shut. 康妮从北端走出树林,守林人的农舍出现在眼前。这是栋深褐色的石屋,屋顶呈人字形,烟囱甚是美观。它显得那么沉静孤独,像是杳无人迹。但烟囱里升腾起袅袅青烟,屋前的小花园围着篱笆,土壤刚刚松过,打理得十分整洁。门合着。 Now she was here she felt a little shy of the man, with his curious far-seeing eyes. She did not like bringing him orders, and felt like going away again. She knocked softly, no one came. She knocked again, but still not loudly. There was no answer. She peeped through the window, and saw the dark little room, with its almost sinister privacy, not wanting to be invaded. 站在那儿,想起那男人古怪而锐利的目光,康妮觉得脸上有些发烧。她不再想给他捎什么口信,甚至打起退堂鼓来。她轻叩屋门,没人回应。再敲几下,但依然不够响。仍旧无人应门。她透过窗户向内窥视,幽暗的小房间映入眼帘,里面陈列的私人物品几乎透出不祥之气,不容任何人侵犯。 She stood and listened, and it seemed to her she heard sounds from the back of the cottage. Having failed to make herself heard, her mettle was roused, she would not be defeated. 她站在原地,侧耳倾听,有声音似乎从农舍后面传来。那家伙居然没听到敲门声,康妮再次鼓起勇气,她不愿畏缩不前。 So she went round the side of the house. At the back of the cottage the land rose steeply, so the back yard was sunken, and enclosed by a low stone wall. She turned the corner of the house and stopped. In the little yard two paces beyond her, the man was washing himself, utterly unaware. He was naked to the hips, his velveteen breeches slipping down over his slender loins. And his white slim back was curved over a big bowl of soapy water, in which he ducked his head, shaking his head with a queer, quick little motion, lifting his slender white arms, and pressing the soapy water from his ears, quick, subtle as a weasel playing with water, and utterly alone. Connie backed away round the corner of the house, and hurried away to the wood. In spite of herself, she had had a shock. After all, merely a man washing himself, commonplace enough, Heaven knows! 于是,她迈步向屋后绕去。农舍后面的地势陡然升高,因此后院是凹进去的,被一道低矮的石墙围绕着。她绕过房角,停住脚步。玲珑小巧的院落中,距她两步远的地方,那男人正在沐浴,全然没有觉察她的到来。他上半身不着一缕,棉绒马裤滑落到纤细的腰间。他那白皙修长的脊背,弯向满是肥皂沫的大盆,头浸在水里,以一种奇怪的方式,迅速地小幅度摆动着。他抬起细白的双臂,挤出流进耳朵里的肥皂水,动作迅捷轻盈,如同戏水的鼬鼠,享受着透彻的孤单。康妮退到屋角,急匆匆地向树林走去。不知不觉,她心里大为震颤。其实,只是个男人在沐浴而已,实在不足为奇,天晓得她为何这么吃惊! Yet in some curious way it was a visionary experience: it had hit her in the middle of the body. She saw the clumsy breeches slipping down over the pure, delicate, white loins, the bones showing a little, and the sense of aloneness, of a creature purely alone, overwhelmed her. Perfect, white, solitary nudity of a creature that lives alone, and inwardly alone. And beyond that, a certain beauty of a pure creature. Not the stuff of beauty, not even the body of beauty, but a lambency, the warm, white flame of a single life, revealing itself in contours that one might touch: a body! 然而奇怪的是,刚才的经历让她浮想联翩,身体中的某个部分被深深触动。她看到那条肥大的马裤向下滑落,耷拉在纯净优雅且白皙的腰际,胯骨隐约可见。那种属于孤单生灵的落寞感,彻底征服了她。那副完美无瑕,孤独寂寞的纯白胴体,属于那个独居且内心孑然的生命。除此之外,还有那纯洁生命的独特美感。那既非物质之美,又非身体之美,而是某种轻柔的光芒,孤单生命燃烧着的温暖白色火焰,显露出自己足可触碰的身体轮廓。 Connie had received the shock of vision in her womb, and she knew it; it lay inside her. But with her mind she was inclined to ridicule. A man washing himself in a back yard! No doubt with evil-smelling yellow soap! She was rather annoyed; why should she be made to stumble on these vulgar privacies? So she walked away from herself, but after a while she sat down on a stump. She was too confused to think. But in the coil of her confusion, she was determined to deliver her message to the fellow. She would not he balked. She must give him time to dress himself, but not time to go out. He was probably preparing to go out somewhere. 感官的冲击震撼着康妮的子宫,她心知肚明,这种感觉已经深刻肺腑。而在意识层面,她更想把这件事视为玩笑。在自家后院洗澡的男人!用的肯定还是臭气熏天的硫磺皂。她不禁有些恼火,为何自己偏偏碰上这档子不雅的私事?她逃离现场,好在没被发觉,可走了一会,就在一个树桩上坐下来。她心如乱麻,根本无从思考。但尽管心绪烦乱,她还是决定完成自己捎口信的任务。她不愿无功而返。她得留出工夫,让他穿好衣服,但时间又不能太长,以免他走掉。这家伙很像是正准备要出门。 So she sauntered slowly back, listening. As she came near, the cottage looked just the same. A dog barked, and she knocked at the door, her heart beating in spite of herself. 于是,她放缓脚步,往小屋走去,留意着四周的动静。当她再度走近时,并未发现小屋有任何变化。狗吠声响起,她敲敲门,心不禁砰砰乱跳。 She heard the man coming lightly downstairs. He opened the door quickly, and startled her. He looked uneasy himself, but instantly a laugh came on his face. 那男人下楼梯的声音传进耳朵,步伐甚是轻盈。他忽地打开门,吓了康妮一跳。他的表情也不太自然,但随即便露出笑颜。 "Lady Chatterley!" he said. "Will you come in?" His manner was so perfectly easy and good, she stepped over the threshold into the rather dreary little room. “查泰莱夫人!”他说,“请进。”他的举止大方得体,彬彬有礼,她迈过门槛,踏入这间颇为阴郁的小屋。 "I only called with a message from Sir Clifford," she said in her soft, rather breathless voice. “克利福德爵士让我给你捎个口信。”她语调轻柔,但呼吸急促。 The man was looking at her with those blue, all-seeing eyes of his, which made her turn her face aside a little. He thought her comely, almost beautiful, in her shyness, and he took command of the situation himself at once. 那男人凝视着她,那双蓝眼睛似乎能够洞察一切,她感觉有些害羞,微微别过脸去。他觉得含羞的她标致可爱,几乎称得上美艳动人,他立刻就掌握了主动。 "Would you care to sit down?" he asked, presuming she would not. The door stood open. “请坐。”他说,心里清楚她不会坐。门是敞开着的。 "No thanks! Sir Clifford wondered if you would... and she delivered her message, looking unconsciously into his eyes again. And now his eyes looked warm and kind, particularly to a woman, wonderfully warm, and kind, and at ease. “不了,多谢!克利福德想让你……”她传完口信,又不自觉地望向他的双眸。他的眼神温暖和善,对于异性,更是格外热情亲切,没有半点拘谨。 "Very good, your Ladyship. I will see to it at once." Taking an order, his whole self had changed, glazed over with a sort of hardness and distance. Connie hesitated, she ought to go. But she looked round the clean, tidy, rather dreary little sitting-room with something like dismay. “好的,夫人。我立刻就办。”接受命令时,他变了一副模样,显得冷若冰霜,仿佛要拒人千里之外。康妮有些迟疑,她应该回去了。但她却有点沮丧地环顾起这个干净整洁,但又有些阴郁的小起居室。 "Do you live here quite alone?" she asked. “你一个人住在这儿么?”她问。 "Quite alone, your Ladyship." "But your mother...?" "She lives in her own cottage in the village." "With the child?" asked Connie. “就我自己,夫人。”“那你母亲呢……?”“她在村里有自己的住处。”“和孩子一起?”她问。 "With the child!" And his plain, rather worn face took on an indefinable look of derision. It was a face that changed all the time, baking. “跟孩子同住。”他那张饱经风霜的淳朴面孔上,流露出一丝难以琢磨的嘲讽。这张脸上的表情总是变幻莫测,令人困惑。 "No," he said, seeing Connie stand at a loss, "my mother comes and cleans up for me on Saturdays; I do the rest myself." Again Connie looked at him. His eyes were smiling again, a little mockingly, but warm and blue, and somehow kind. She wondered at him. He was in trousers and flannel shirt and a grey tie, his hair soft and damp, his face rather pale and worn-looking. When the eyes ceased to laugh they looked as if they had suffered a great deal, still without losing their warmth. But a pallor of isolation came over him, she was not really there for him. 发觉康妮疑惑不解,他连忙解释说:“我母亲每周六过来,帮我打扫一下,其余时间我自己收拾。”康妮再度望向他。那双眼睛重新泛起笑意,夹杂着些许嘲弄,但却温暖澄蓝,显得颇为友好亲切。他让她惊讶不已。他身着长裤,配法兰绒衬衫、灰色领带,头发柔软湿润,脸色苍白,仿佛饱经沧桑。笑容褪去时,他的双眸看上去像是曾经历尽苦难,但仍未丧失热情。然而,他苍白的面容透露出孤独的气质,她来这儿并非为了他。 She wanted to say so many things, and she said nothing. Only she looked up at him again, and remarked: "I hope I didn't disturb you?” The faint smile of mockery narrowed his eyes. 她有满腹的话语想要倾诉,但却只字未言。她只是再次抬头看着他,说:“希望没有打搅你。”略带嘲讽的微笑让他眯起眼睛。 "Only combing my hair, if you don't mind. I'm sorry I hadn't a coat on, but then I had no idea who was knocking. Nobody knocks here, and the unexpected sounds ominous.” He went in front of her down the garden path to hold the gate. In his shirt, without the clumsy velveteen coat, she saw again how slender he was, thin, stooping a little. Yet, as she passed him, there was something young and bright in his fair hair, and his quick eyes. He would be a man about thirty-seven or eight. “我刚刚在梳头,请您不要见怪。我还没来得及穿上外套,但我真的不晓得是谁在敲门。从来没人敲过门,乍一听到,敲门声还真让我有些紧张。”他走在前面,将她引领到花园尽头,为她打开门。他只穿着衬衫,没套那件笨重的棉绒外衣,那修长清瘦的身材康妮尽览无疑,而且稍稍有点驼背。然而,从他身边走过时,康妮透过其金黄的发丝、敏锐的双眼,发现洋溢着的青春活力。他大概三十七八岁。 She plodded on into the wood, knowing he was looking after her; he upset her so much, in spite of herself. 她步履沉重地走进树林,清楚他正在背后望向自己,他让她如此意乱情迷,难以自持。 And he, as he went indoors, was thinking: "She's nice, she's real! She's nicer than she knows.” She wondered very much about him; he seemed so unlike a game-keeper, so unlike a working-man anyhow; although he had something in common with the local people. But also something very uncommon. 而他呢,往回走的路上也陷入沉思:“她的确优雅大方,毫不做作!她比自己所知道的还要优秀。”她对他充满好奇,他根本不像是个守林人,怎么样也跟工人阶层扯不上边,虽说跟当地村民有相同之处。但他也有出类拔萃的地方。 "The game-keeper, Mellors, is a curious kind of person," she said to Clifford; "he might almost be a gentleman." "Might he?" said Clifford. "I hadn't noticed.” "But isn't there something special about him?” Connie insisted. “那个守林人,梅勒斯,是个古怪的家伙,”她对克利福德说,“他简直就是位绅士。”“真的吗?”克利福德不以为然,“我没太留意。”“可你不认为他有些与众不同么?”康妮不肯罢休。 "I think he's quite a nice fellow, but I know very little about him. He only came out of the army last year, less than a year ago. From India, I rather think. He may have picked up certain tricks out there, perhaps he was an officer's servant, and improved on his position. Some of the men were like that. But it does them no good, they have to fall back into their old places when they get home again.” Connie gazed at Clifford contemplatively. She saw in him the peculiar tight rebuff against anyone of the lower classes who might be really climbing up, which she knew was characteristic of his breed. “我觉得他确有可取之处,但对他并无太多了解。他去年刚刚退伍,至今还未满一年。没记错的话,他是从印度回来的。他本可闯出点名堂的,好像是哪位高官的勤务兵,后来职位得到擢升。许多军人都有这样的经历。但他们难以从中受益,一旦退伍返乡,就只能各归各位。”康妮两眼盯着克利福德,陷入沉思。她看得出,丈夫对有机会平步青云的下等人极端抵触,也深知这是贵族阶层的通病。 "But don't you think there is something special about him?" she asked. “可是,难道你不觉得他有些异乎寻常吗?”她问。 "Frankly, no! Nothing I had noticed." He looked at her curiously, uneasily, half-suspiciously. And she felt he wasn't telling her the real truth; he wasn't telling himself the real truth, that was it. He disliked any suggestion of a really exceptional human being. People must be more or less at his level, or below it. “说实话,一点也没有!我没注意有什么特别的。”他不解地看着她,显得心意烦乱,将信将疑。她感觉丈夫没有吐露实情,他压根没对自己说实话,这才是根本原因。他讨厌承认有什么人是超凡脱俗的。他只能接受别人与自己难分伯仲,或者仅是瞠乎其后。 Connie felt again the tightness, niggardliness of the men of her generation. They were so tight, so scared of life! 康妮再次体验到这一代男性的鼠肚鸡肠,心胸狭隘。他们的气量如此狭小,对生活如此充满畏惧! 第七章 When Connie went up to her bedroom she did what she had not done for a long time: took off all her clothes, and looked at herself naked in the huge mirror. She did not know what she was looking for, or at, very definitely, yet she moved the lamp till it shone full on her. 康妮上楼回到卧室,做了件许久未曾尝试的事情:脱掉所有衣服,对着大镜子端详起自己的裸体。她不清楚自己到底要寻觅什么,或欣赏什么,只是把灯移到近前,让光线洒满整个身体。 And she thought, as she had thought so often, what a frail, easily hurt, rather pathetic thing a human body is, naked; somehow a little unfinished, incomplete! 她陷入沉思,思考着以往就时常思考的问题,赤裸着的身体多么地脆弱,容易受伤,惹人怜爱,却有着不可言喻的欠缺,实在算不得完美! She had been supposed to have rather a good figure, but now she was out of fashion: a little too female, not enough like an adolescent boy. She was not very tall, a bit Scottish and short; but she had a certain fluent, down-slipping grace that might have been beauty. Her skin was faintly tawny, her limbs had a certain stillness, her body should have had a full, down-slipping richness; but it lacked something. 她曾被认为拥有曲线玲珑的身材,但现在却有些落伍:女人味太浓,缺少几分少年的飒爽英姿。她个子不高,有几分苏格兰姑娘的娇小气质,但线条优美,凹凸有致,倒也是位俏丽佳人。她的皮肤呈浅褐色,举手投足轻柔舒缓,娇躯本应丰盈性感,但却缺少些什么。 Instead of ripening its firm, down-running curves, her body was flattening and going a little harsh. It was as if it had not had enough sun and warmth; it was a little greyish and sapless. 日渐成熟的身体本应拥有更加挺拔流畅的曲线,但却背道而驰,变得有些扁平僵硬。它似乎缺少足够的阳光和热量,变得暗沉,没有活力。 Disappointed of its real womanhood, it had not succeeded in becoming boyish, and unsubstantial, and transparent; instead it had gone opaque. 虽然这副躯体不满自己妩媚的女人味,但也无法变得像少年那般纤细轻盈,晶莹澄澈,相反却晦浊暗淡。 Her breasts were rather small, and dropping pear-shaped. But they were unripe, a little bitter, without meaning hanging there. And her belly had lost the fresh, round gleam it had had when she was young, in the days of her German boy, who really loved her physically. Then it was young and expectant, with a real look of its own. Now it was going slack, and a little flat, thinner, but with a slack thinness. Her thighs, too, they used to look so quick and glimpsy in their female roundness, somehow they too were going flat, slack, meaningless. 丁香小乳垂落在胸前,如梨子般圆润。但它们尚未成熟,稍带苦涩,索然寡味地悬在那里。而她的腹部也褪去了昔日饱满圆润的光泽,当年的德国情郎曾为她的胴体神魂颠倒。那时,她的腹部细腻柔嫩,饱含着希望,拥有别具一格的美感。现在却变得松垮,略显扁平,失去往日的丰盈,又并不紧实。大腿也不若以往那般浑圆饱满,柔软细嫩,变得暗淡松弛,美感全失。 Her body was going meaningless, going dull and opaque, so much insignificant substance. It made her feel immensely depressed and hopeless. What hope was there? She was old, old at twenty-seven, with no gleam and sparkle in the flesh. Old through neglect and denial, yes, denial. Fashionable women kept their bodies bright like delicate porcelain, by external attention. There was nothing inside the porcelain; but she was not even as bright as that. The mental life! Suddenly she hated it with a rushing fury, the swindle! 她的身体暗沉无光,失去应有的魅力,沦落成毫无活力的物质。这让她陷入苦闷绝望的深渊。希望究竟在何方?她不再青春洋溢,27岁便老态尽显,肉体并无半点光泽与亮度。即使回避和否认,也无法改变衰老的事实,没错,就算矢口否认也无济于事。追求时尚的贵妇们总通过悉心护理,把自己的娇躯保养得明艳照人,堪比娇美的瓷器。虽然瓷器内里空空如也,但她就连这点外表的光鲜都没有。精神生活!霎时间,她对精神生活恨得咬牙切齿,那彻头彻尾的空中楼阁! She looked in the other mirror's reflection at her back, her waist, her loins. She was getting thinner, but to her it was not becoming. The crumple of her waist at the back, as she bent back to look, was a little weary; and it used to be so gay-looking. And the longish slope of her haunches and her buttocks had lost its gleam and its sense of richness. Gone! Only the German boy had loved it, and he was ten years dead, very nearly. How time went by! Ten years dead, and she was only twenty-seven. The healthy boy with his fresh, clumsy sensuality that she had then been so scornful of! Where would she find it now? It was gone out of men. They had their pathetic, two-seconds spasms like Michaelis; but no healthy human sensuality, that warms the blood and freshens the whole being. 她从另一面镜子中,审视着自己的脊背、腰肢以及臀部。她日渐消瘦,但瘦削的体型却与她格格不入。她扭回身,注意到腰部的折皱,顿觉灰心丧气,以往这腰肢是多么地艳丽动人。而修长的臀部曲线失去曾经的光彩,也不再圆润丰腴。不复存在!只有那位德国小伙曾为之倾倒,而再过不久,就是他十周年的忌辰。时光荏苒!昔日情郎故去已有十载,而她如今也仅有27岁。欢好之时,那健康壮硕的少年总显得青涩稚嫩,笨手笨脚,为此她曾经嗤之以鼻。可现在,去哪里找如此如意的情侣呢?男子汉早已绝迹。只剩下米凯利斯这种挺不过两秒的可怜虫,再也找不着精力旺盛的完整性爱,体验不到让血液沸腾、让身心振奋的美好感觉。 Still she thought the most beautiful part of her was the long-sloping fall of the haunches from the socket of the back, and the slumberous, round stillness of the buttocks. Like hillocks of sand, the Arabs say, soft and downward-slipping with a long slope. Here the life still lingered hoping. But here too she was thinner, and going unripe, astringent. 不过,她仍觉得自己身体最美丽的部分是绵延起伏的臀部曲线,以腰眼处为起点,还有那饱满沉静的臀丘。正如阿拉伯人所说,就像沙堆般柔和舒缓地下降。生命唯一的希望仍存于此处。但就连这里也变得纤瘦,褪去成熟圆顺的美感。 But the front of her body made her miserable. It was already beginning to slacken, with a slack sort of thinness, almost withered, going old before it had ever really lived. She thought of the child she might somehow bear. Was she fit, anyhow? She slipped into her nightdress, and went to bed, where she sobbed bitterly. And in her bitterness burned a cold indignation against Clifford, and his writings and his talk: against all the men of his sort who defrauded a woman even of her own body. 但身体的正面更使她难过不已。它已经开始变得松弛消瘦,近乎枯萎,还未曾体验过生活的美好,就已走向衰老。康妮想到自己或许还要诞下婴孩。这样的她是否还能做个合格的母亲?她穿上睡袍,卧在闺床,痛哭失声。酸楚中燃烧着愤懑的怒火,克利福德,他空洞的作品和伪善的言谈,还有所有跟他沆瀣一气的家伙们,康妮都对之深恶痛绝。那些臭男人只会欺骗女人的感情,甚至不会放过她们的身体。 Unjust! Unjust! The sense of deep physical injustice burned to her very soul. 不公平!这不公平!强烈的愤慨燃透身体,在灵魂深处肆虐。 But in the morning, all the same, she was up at seven, and going downstairs to Clifford. She had to help him in all the intimate things, for he had no man, and refused a woman-servant. The housekeeper's husband, who had known him as a boy, helped him, and did any heavy lifting; but Connie did the personal things, and she did them willingly. It was a demand on her, but she had wanted to do what she could. 可次日清晨,她同样要在七点准时起床,下楼去服侍克利福德。她必须照顾他梳洗更衣这等私事,因为克利福德没有贴身男仆,又拒绝差遣女佣。女管家的丈夫看着他长大,帮他做些搬搬抬抬的力气活,而康妮则负责照料他的一切私务,倒也做得心甘情愿。克利福德需要她这样做,她也愿意尽到妻子的责任。 So she hardly ever went away from Wragby, and never for more than a day or two; when Mrs. Betts, the housekeeper, attended to Clifford. He, as was inevitable in the course of time, took all the service for granted. It was natural he should. 因此,她几乎寸步不离拉格比,即使离开,也最多在外逗留一两天,那时便将克利福德交托给女管家贝茨太太。而他也把妻子的照顾当作是理所应当,时间一久,有这样的想法不可避免。他这样想也是天性使然。 And yet, deep inside herself, a sense of injustice, of being defrauded, had begun to burn in Connie. The physical sense of injustice is a dangerous feeling, once it is awakened. It must have outlet, or it eats away the one in whom it is aroused. Poor Clifford, he was not to blame. His was the greater misfortune. It was all part of the general catastrophe. 但现在,康妮心底燃起怒火,感到被欺骗,而忿忿不平。愤懑的感觉一旦苏醒,就会变得异常危险。必须找到发泄的途径,否则就会被它生生吞噬。可怜的克利福德,这并非他的过错。比起康妮,他更加不幸。这都不过是战争浩劫的余波而已。 And yet was he not in a way to blame? This lack of warmth, this lack of the simple, warm, physical contact, was he not to blame for that? He was never really warm, nor even kind, only thoughtful, considerate, in a well-bred, cold sort of way! But never warm as a man can be warm to a woman, as even Connie's father could be warm to her, with the warmth of a man who did himself well, and intended to, but who still could comfort it woman with a bit of his masculine glow. 可是,他没有半点可指摘的地方么?冷酷无情,缺少简单直接、温暖真诚的身体接触,这些不是他的过错吗?他总是冷若冰霜,态度淡漠,凡事经过深思熟虑,面面俱到,保持着知识分子的那份冷傲!在他身上,找不到男人对异性的如火热情,甚至连康妮自己的父亲都赶不上。其父虽然养尊处优,自私自利,但也会用男性的热烈去安慰异性。 But Clifford was not like that. His whole race was not like that. They were all inwardly hard and separate, and warmth to them was just bad taste. You had to get on without it, and hold your own; which was all very well if you were of the same class and race. Then you could keep yourself cold and be very estimable, and hold your own, and enjoy the satisfaction of holding it. But if you were of another class and another race it wouldn't do; there was no fun merely holding your own, and feeling you belonged to the ruling class. What was the point, when even the smartest aristocrats had really nothing positive of their own to hold, and their rule was really a farce, not rule at all? What was the point? It was all cold nonsense. 但克利福德却并不是这样。他这类人都不屑如此。他们都是铁石心肠,自视清高,对他们而言,热诚待人实在不可取。冷酷无情,自命不凡,若身处同等阶层和出身倒也无可厚非。你完全可以孤芳自赏,以期赢得别人的尊敬,装腔作势,并享受其中的满足感。但如果你属于另一阶层和出身,这些就完全行不通,装腔作势,以统治阶层自居,并不是件有趣的事情。这样做有什么意义呢?今时今日,就连最精明的贵族都失去了可维系的地位,他们的统治不过是荒唐的笑柄,根本支配不了任何人或事。这样做还有什么意义呢?简直可笑无聊至极。 A sense of rebellion smouldered in Connie. What was the good of it all? What was the good of her sacrifice, her devoting her life to Clifford? What was she serving, after all? A cold spirit of vanity, that had no warm human contacts, and that was as corrupt as any low-born Jew, in craving for prostitution to the bitch-goddess, Success. 抵触的情绪在康妮心中酝酿。自己所做的一切有什么意义?她甘愿牺牲,为克利福德奉献生命,可这样做换回的又是什么?她究竟为什么而活?空虚虚伪的灵魂,从不愿以诚待人,跟出身低微的犹太人那般自甘堕落,急不可耐地想要献身给堕落女神,以期功成名就。 Even Clifford's cool and contactless assurance that he belonged to the ruling class didn't prevent his tongue lolling out of his mouth, as he panted after the bitch-goddess. After all, Michaelis was really more dignified in the matter, and far, far more successful. Really, if you looked closely at Clifford, he was a buffoon, and a buffoon is more humiliating than a bounder. 就连克利福德这种自以为是、高高在上,自诩为统治阶级的家伙,都不能免俗,吐着舌头,气喘吁吁地在她身后猛追。其实,在这方面,米凯利斯反倒有尊严得多,所取得的成就也远胜克利福德。说实话,若仔细观察,克利福德不过是跳梁小丑,甚至比泼皮无赖更加恬不知耻。 As between the two men, Michaelis really had far more use for her than Clifford had. He had even more need of her. Any good nurse can attend to crippled legs! And as for the heroic effort, Michaelis was a heroic rat, and Clifford was very much of a poodle showing off. 这两个男人相比较,米凯利斯对她的用处远大于克利福德。而米凯利斯也更需要她。任何优秀的护士都能照顾好瘫痪的病人。论及自强不息的精神,米凯利斯算得过街鼠中的好汉,而克利福德不过是只哗众取宠的卷毛狗。 There were people staying in the house, among them Clifford's Aunt Eva, Lady Bennerley. She was a thin woman of sixty, with a red nose, a widow, and still something of a grande DAME. She belonged to one of the best families, and had the character to carry it off. Connie liked her, she was so perfectly simple and rank, as far as she intended to be frank, and superficially kind. Inside herself she was a past-mistress in holding her own, and holding other people a little lower. She was not at all a snob: far too sure of herself. She was perfect at the social sport of coolly holding her own, and making other people defer to her. 家里最近住了好些客人,其中有伊娃·本奈利夫人,克利福德的姑妈。她六十多岁,丈夫早亡,身材干瘦,酒糟鼻,但仍不失贵妇的派头。她出身名门,举手投足间显出大家风范。康妮对她颇有好感,只要她打算直抒胸臆,就会开诚布公,毫无保留,而且外表更是和蔼可亲。至于装腔作势,抬高自己,她更是行家里手。但她绝非势利小人,只是太过夜郎自大。她深谙社交技巧,总能端足架势,让别人唯自己马首是瞻。 She was kind to Connie, and tried to worm into her woman's soul with the sharp gimlet of her well-born observations. 她对康妮甚是友好,试图用自己锐利如锥的高贵眼光,穿透康妮那颗细腻的女人心。 "You're quite wonderful, in my opinion," she said to Connie. "You've done wonders for Clifford. I never saw any budding genius myself, and there he is, all the rage.” Aunt Eva was quite complacently proud of Clifford's success. Another feather in the family cap! She didn't care a straw about his books, but why should she? "Oh, I don't think it's my doing," said Connie. “我觉得你确实了不起。”她称赞康妮。“你帮克利福德取得惊人的成就。我从未见过如此前程远大的天才作家,而他就是其中之一,如今的确红得发紫。”对于侄儿的成功,伊娃姑妈沾沾自喜,深感骄傲。这可是光宗耀祖的大事!而对于他的作品,她却毫不关心,可她又有什么理由要关心呢?“噢,我认为那并非我的功劳。”康妮说 "It must be! Can't be anybody else's. And it seems to me you don't get enough out of it.” "How?" "Look at the way you are shut up here. I said to Clifford: If that child rebels one day you'll have yourself to thank! “当然得归功于你!除你之外,还有谁呢?在我看来,你并没有得到应有的回报。”“此话怎讲?”“终日闭门不出可不行。我跟克利福德说过:要是哪天那孩子造起反来,也全是你自食其果!” "But Clifford never denies me anything," said Connie. “但克利福德从没阻止我做任何事。”康妮说。 "Look here, my dear child'—and Lady Bennerley laid her thin hand on Connie's arm. "A woman has to live her life, or live to repent not having lived it. Believe me!" And she took another sip of brandy, which maybe was her form of repentance. “听我说,好孩子,”本奈利夫人用她瘦削的手抓住康妮的胳膊,“女人得过自己想要的生活,不然,就会悔之晚矣。相信我!”她又呷了一口白兰地,这或许就是她懊悔的方式吧。 "But I do live my life, don't I?” "Not in my idea! Clifford should bring you to London, and let you go about. His sort of friends are all right for him, but what are they for you? If I were you I should think it wasn't good enough. You'll let your youth slip by, and you'll spend your old age, and your middle age too, repenting it.” Her ladyship lapsed into contemplative silence, soothed by the brandy. “可我不正过着自己想要的生活么?”“我可不这么看!克利福德应该带你去伦敦,让你四处走走。他那些朋友和他倒是志趣相投,但对你而言则是另一回事。如果换成我,准会感到不满。这样下去,只会让青春从指缝中溜走,而你将在悔恨中度过自己的后半生。”在白兰地的慰藉下,这位贵妇慢慢陷入沉思,不再做声。 But Connie was not keen on going to London, and being steered into the smart world by Lady Bennerley. She didn't feel really smart, it wasn't interesting. And she did feel the peculiar, withering coldness under it all; like the soil of Labrador, which his gay little flowers on its surface, and a foot down is frozen. 但康妮对去伦敦不太感冒,不想涉足本奈利夫人口中那个五光十色的世界。她跟那个花花世界格格不入,觉得没什么兴趣。她深切地感觉到,那时尚社会的底层存在异乎寻常、足以摧毁一切的酷寒,就像拉布拉多(注:北美洲最大的半岛,位于加拿大东部,哈德逊湾与大西洋及圣劳伦斯湾之间。)冰冻的土壤。地表上生长着欣欣向荣的娇艳花朵,而地表下一英尺的地方则完全被冻结。 Tommy Dukes was at Wragby, and another man, Harry Winterslow, and Jack Strangeways with his wife Olive. The talk was much more desultory than when only the cronies were there, and everybody was a bit bored, for the weather was bad, and there was only billiards, and the pianola to dance to. 汤米·杜克斯也在拉格比,此外还有哈里·温特斯洛,以及杰克·斯特兰韦斯和他的妻子奥利夫。谈话有些漫无边际,不像只是朋友间闲聊那么放得开,大家都觉得有点沉闷,天气也不太好,而可以作为消遣的,除了打台球,就是随着钢琴的伴奏跳跳舞。 Olive was reading a book about the future, when babies would be bred in bottles, and women would be "immunized'. 奥利夫在读一本关于未来世界的书,说到时候婴儿都可以通过试管,进行人工培育,而女人们则可以置身事外。 "Jolly good thing too!" she said. "Then a woman can live her own life." Strangeways wanted children, and she didn't. “真是太棒了!”她感叹道。“这样的话,女人就可以尽情享受生活。”斯特兰韦斯想要孩子,但她却不愿意生。 "How'd you like to be immunized?” Winterslow asked her, with an ugly smile. “你很想置身事外吗?”温特斯洛问道,脸上露出丑陋的微笑。 "I hope I am; naturally," she said. "Anyhow the future's going to have more sense, and a woman needn't be dragged down by her FUNCTIONS.” "Perhaps she'll float off into space altogether," said Dukes. “那当然,我希望如此。”她说。“无论如何,未来世界将更趋于合理,女人也不必再为生理机能所累。”“那她们还不乐得飞上天去呀。”杜克斯说。 "I do think sufficient civilization ought to eliminate a lot of the physical disabilities," said Clifford. "All the love-business for example, it might just as well go. I suppose it would if we could breed babies in bottles.” "No!" cried Olive. "That might leave all the more room for fun." "I suppose," said Lady Bennerley, contemplatively, "if the love-business went, something else would take its place. Morphia, perhaps. A little morphine in all the air. It would be wonderfully refreshing for everybody.” "The government releasing ether into the air on Saturdays, for a cheerful weekend!" said Jack. "Sounds all right, but where should we be by Wednesday?" "So long as you can forget your body you are happy," said Lady Bennerley. "And the moment you begin to be aware of your body, you are wretched. So, if civilization is any good, it has to help us to forget our bodies, and then time passes happily without our knowing it." "Help us to get rid of our bodies altogether," said Winterslow. "It's quite time man began to improve on his own nature, especially the physical side of it.” "Imagine if we floated like tobacco smoke," said Connie. “依我看,随着文明程度的提高,大可以把那些无用的身体机能统统去除。”克利福德说,“比如说性爱,就没有存在的必要。我的意思是,如果孩子可以人工培育,那禁除性爱自然顺理成章。”“不行!”奥利夫大叫起来,“那只是为了留给女人更多的享乐空间。”“在我看来,”本奈利夫人若有所思地说,“如果性爱真的不复存在,总会有别的东西取而代之。说不定会是吗啡。空气中充斥着淡淡的吗啡味道。定能让所有人感到神清气爽,飘飘欲仙。”“每逢周六,政府就在空气中施放乙醚,好让人们过个愉快的周末!”杰克说,“听着倒是个好主意,但到礼拜三,我们又该何去何从呢?”“只要能够忘掉肉体的存在,就可以品尝到快乐。”本奈利夫人说,“若对肉体念念不忘,便会痛苦不堪。如果文明确有好处,那么就帮我们忘却肉体的存在吧,这样一来,时间便会在不知不觉中快乐地逝去。”“干脆帮我们彻底摆脱肉体得了,”温特斯洛说,“人类是时候完善自己的本性了,尤其是肉体的层面。”“试想一下,我们像烟尘般飘来荡去。”康妮憧憬道。 "It won't happen," said Dukes. "Our old show will come flop; our civilization is going to fall. It's going down the bottomless pit, down the chasm. And believe me, the only bridge across the chasm will be the phallus!” "Oh do! DO be impossible, General!" cried Olive. “根本就不可能发生,”杜克斯说,“我们的老把戏将彻底失败,文明也将土崩瓦解。它将堕入无底深渊,再无重振之日。相信我,横跨在深渊之上的唯一桥梁,就是男人的阳具!”“噢!请别瞎说,将军!”奥利夫叫道。 "I believe our civilization is going to collapse," said Aunt Eva. “我也认为文明将会走向覆灭。”伊娃姑妈说。 "And what will come after it?" asked Clifford. “那之后会发生什么?”克利福德问。 "I haven't the faintest idea, but something, I suppose," said the elderly lady. “我不知道,但在我想来,总会有些了不起的事情发生。”老妇人说。 "Connie says people like wisps of smoke, and Olive says immunized women, and babies in bottles, and Dukes says the phallus is the bridge to what comes next. I wonder what it will really be?" said Clifford. “康妮说人能化作缕缕青烟,奥利夫期盼试管婴儿能够让女人得到解放,而杜克斯则认为阳具是文明免于覆灭的救命稻草。我想知道真相到底会是怎样?”克利福德说。 "Oh, don't bother! Let's get on with today," said Olive. "Only hurry up with the breeding bottle, and let us poor women off." "There might even be real men, in the next phase," said Tommy. "Real, intelligent, wholesome men, and wholesome nice women! Wouldn't that be a change, an enormous change from us? WE'RE not men, and the women aren't women. We're only cerebrating make-shifts, mechanical and intellectual experiments. There may even come a civilization of genuine men and women, instead of our little lot of clever-jacks, all at the intelligence-age of seven. It would be even more amazing than men of smoke or babies in bottles.” "Oh, when people begin to talk about real women, I give up," said Olive. “哎,何必自找麻烦!今朝有酒今朝醉吧。”奥利夫说。“只盼着育婴试管赶紧研制出来,好让我们这些可怜的女人得到解脱。”“或许不久就会出现真正意义的男人,”汤米说,“聪明绝伦、身强体壮的真男人,还有身心健康的好女人!与我们相比,那的确意味着变革,翻天覆地的大变革。我们根本称不上男人,而如今女人也算不得女人。我们充其量只是拥有思维的过渡产品,用以进行体能及智能方面的实验。将来或许会出现高度文明,缔造者是那些名副其实的男男女女,而非我们这群聪明的小丑,智商只与七岁顽童旗鼓相当。不管是烟尘般漂浮的人,或者试管里培育的婴孩,都难与之相提并论。”“唉,每当聊起真女人之类的话题,我总会选择缄默。”奥利夫说。 "Certainly nothing but the spirit in us is worth having," said Winterslow. “毫无疑问,我们所拥有的最宝贵的东西,就是精神。”温特斯洛说。 "Spirits!" said Jack, drinking his whisky and soda. “精神!”杰克说,一边抿着他的威士忌苏打。 "Think so? Give me the resurrection of the body!" said Dukes. “都这样认为吗?我却更渴望肉体的重生!”杜克斯说。 "But it'll come, in time, when we've shoved the cerebral stone away a bit, the money and the rest. Then we'll get a democracy of touch, instead of a democracy of pocket.” Something echoed inside Connie: "Give me the democracy of touch, the resurrection of the body! " She didn't at all know what it meant, but it comforted her, as meaningless things may do. “只要抛开精神上的重负,忘却金钱以及其他桎梏,浴火重生的时刻就会到来。那时,我们将获得官能的解放,而非只是摆脱金钱的束缚。”康妮的心底回荡着这样的话:“让官能得到解放,肉体得以重生!”她根本不明白其中的含义,但这些话却让她感到宽慰,就像许多并无意义的事物都能达到此种效果一样。 Anyhow everything was terribly silly, and she was exasperatedly bored by it all, by Clifford, by Aunt Eva, by Olive and Jack, and Winterslow, and even by Dukes. Talk, talk, talk! What hell it was, the continual rattle of it! 但归根结底,这些夸夸其谈都是极端无聊的,她烦透了这一切,厌倦了克利福德、伊娃姑妈、奥利夫和杰克、还有温特斯洛,甚至连杜克斯都不再可亲。瞎扯,瞎扯,还是瞎扯!这样喋喋不休下去,究竟是为了什么呢! Then, when all the people went, it was no better. She continued plodding on, but exasperation and irritation had got hold of her lower body, she couldn't escape. The days seemed to grind by, with curious painfulness, yet nothing happened. Only she was getting thinner; even the housekeeper noticed it, and asked her about herself Even Tommy Dukes insisted she was not well, though she said she was all right. Only she began to be afraid of the ghastly white tombstones, that peculiar loathsome whiteness of Carrara marble, detestable as false teeth, which stuck up on the hillside, under Tevershall church, and which she saw with such grim painfulness from the park. The bristling of the hideous false teeth of tombstones on the hill affected her with a grisly kind of horror. She felt the time not far off when she would be buried there, added to the ghastly host under the tombstones and the monuments, in these filthy Midlands. 结果,当人去楼空,康妮的情绪却没有好转。她仍拖着沉重的步履艰难前行,愤懑之情紧紧攫住她的下半身,没有半点摆脱的可能。时间似乎放慢了脚步,生活中充斥着莫名的痛苦,日子就这么平淡无奇地过着。只是康妮日渐消瘦,甚至女管家都注意到这一点,问她是否身体有恙。就连汤米·杜克斯都坚持认为她多半病了,可康妮却说自己没关系。特弗沙尔教堂下方的山坡上,耸立着惨白色的墓碑,卡拉拉(注:意大利托斯卡纳大区一城市,以出产白色及蓝灰色大理石闻名)大理石那奇异的色泽,如同假牙般令人生厌,每当在自家园林中望见这恐怖的景象,康妮总会感到不寒而栗。那些假牙似的阴森墓碑,竖满整个山岗,让康妮体验到毛骨悚然的感觉。她觉得,过不了多久,自己也将被埋葬在那里,在这污秽不堪的中英格兰,长眠在墓石与墓碑之下,与群鬼为伍。 She needed help, and she knew it: so she wrote a little CRI DU COEUR to her sister, Hilda. "I'm not well lately, and I don't know what's the matter with me.” Down posted Hilda from Scotland, where she had taken up her abode. She came in March, alone, driving herself in a nimble two-seater. Up the drive she came, tooting up the incline, then sweeping round the oval of grass, where the two great wild beech-trees stood, on the flat in front of the house. 她需要帮助,她清楚这一点,因此便给姐姐希尔达去信,吐露心声。“最近我感觉不太舒服,至于到底出了什么问题,我自己也不明白。”希尔达匆匆从苏格兰赶来,她早已迁居到那里。希尔达赶到拉格比时,已是初春时节,她独自驾着自己那辆轻巧的双座轿车。她顺着车道驶上山坡,喇叭嘟嘟作响,绕过有两株高大野山毛榉的椭圆形草坪,停在屋前的平地上。 Connie had run out to the steps. Hilda pulled up her car, got out, and kissed her sister. 康妮跑到门外的台阶处迎接姐姐。希尔达停好车,走下来亲吻妹妹。 "But Connie!" she cried. "Whatever is the matter?" "Nothing!" said Connie, rather shamefacedly; but she knew how she had suffered in contrast to Hilda. Both sisters had the same rather golden, glowing skin, and soft brown hair, and naturally strong, warm physique. But now Connie was thin and earthy-looking, with a scraggy, yellowish neck, that stuck out of her jumper. “康妮!”她呼喊着妹妹的名字。“到底怎么回事?”“没什么。”康妮说,面有愧色,她知道自己与希尔达相比显得多么憔悴。曾何几时,姐妹俩都拥有健康的肌肤,闪耀着金黄色的光泽,搭配着柔顺的棕色秀发,以及与生俱来的健康热烈的体魄。可如今的康妮却变得消瘦,粗陋不堪,又细又黄的脖子从毛衣领口探出。 "But you're ill, child!" said Hilda, in the soft, rather breathless voice that both sisters had alike. Hilda was nearly, but not quite, two years older than Connie. “可你分明是病了,孩子!”希尔达说,她的嗓音柔和,但也有些气喘吁吁,那是姐妹俩共有的特点。希尔达比康妮大将近两岁。 "No, not ill. Perhaps I'm bored," said Connie a little pathetically. “不,我没病。或许只是闷得慌。”康妮的语气有些哀怨。 The light of battle glowed in Hilda's face; she was a woman, soft and still as she seemed, of the old amazon sort, not made to fit with men. 希尔达的脸庞闪耀着战斗的光芒,虽然身为女子,且温柔娴静,但却拥有亚马逊女战士的气度,从不会对男人屈膝逢迎。 "This wretched place!" she said softly, looking at poor, old, lumbering Wragby with real hate. She looked soft and warm herself, as a ripe pear, and she was an amazon of the real old breed. “这地方真是糟透了!”她轻声说,扫视着凄凉衰败的拉格比,眼中充满厌恶。她看上去温和热情,像熟透的梨子,但骨子里却是位地道的女战士。 She went quietly in to Clifford. He thought how handsome she looked, but also he shrank from her. His wife's family did not have his sort of manners, or his sort of etiquette. He considered them rather outsiders, but once they got inside they made him jump through the hoop. 她面色平静,进门去找克利福德。他心想这女人真是英姿飒爽,可暗地里却惧她三分。他妻子的家人不像他这般讲究规矩和礼节。他将他们视为外人,可每次康妮娘家来人,他也不得不勉为其难,假亲假近。 He sat square and well-groomed in his chair, his hair sleek and blond, and his face fresh, his blue eyes pale, and a little prominent, his expression inscrutable, but well-bred. Hilda thought it sulky and stupid, and he waited. He had an air of aplomb, but Hilda didn't care what he had an air of; she was up in arms, and if he'd been Pope or Emperor it would have been just the same. 他衣装笔挺,在靠椅中端坐,满头金发光洁顺滑,面容清秀,淡蓝色的眸子稍稍外凸,表情难以捉摸,但却显得很有教养。希尔达看不惯妹夫这副德行,觉得那张阴沉着的脸乏味透顶。而克利福德则在等待着。他摆出一副镇定自若的神态,可希尔达并不关心他的神态如何,她已经摆好架势,就算面前的是天王老子,她也不放在眼里。 "Connie's looking awfully unwell," she said in her soft voice, fixing him with her beautiful, glowering grey eyes. She looked so maidenly, so did Connie; but he well knew the tone of Scottish obstinacy underneath. “康妮的样子太糟糕了。”她语调轻柔地说,那对灰色妙目怒气冲冲地瞪着克利福德。她的面容如康妮般羞怯,但他却深知那背后隐藏着的执拗,那是苏格兰人的性格特征之一。 "She's a little thinner," he said. “她是比过去瘦点。”他说。 "Haven't you done anything about it?” "Do you think it necessary?" he asked, with his suavest English stiffness, for the two things often go together. “难道你没采取过什么措施?”“有这个必要吗?”他反问道,彬彬有礼,但却带着英国佬的生硬傲慢,因为此二者通常混在一起。 Hilda only glowered at him without replying; repartee was not her forte, nor Connie's; so she glowered, and he was much more uncomfortable than if she had said things. 希尔达没有回应,只是怒视着他,妙语巧辩并非她所擅长,同样也不是康妮的强项。因此,她只是目光不错地瞪着他,而反倒比作答更令克利福德感觉难堪。 "I'll take her to a doctor," said Hilda at length. "Can you suggest a good one round here?" "I'm afraid I can't.” "Then I'll take her to London, where we have a doctor we trust.” Though boiling with rage, Clifford said nothing. “我要带她去看医生。”希尔达最后说。“你能就近推荐位好医生么?”“恐怕我做不到。”“那我就带她去伦敦,那儿有我们信赖的医生。”虽然怒不可遏,但克利福德还是一声没吭。 "I suppose I may as well stay the night," said Hilda, pulling off her gloves, "and I'll drive her to town tomorrow.” Clifford was yellow at the gills with anger, and at evening the whites of his eyes were a little yellow too. He ran to liver. But Hilda was consistently modest and maidenly. “我想我最好在这里过夜,”希尔达边说,边摘掉手套。“明天再开车带她去伦敦。”克利福德气得脸色蜡黄,傍晚时分,连眼白都泛出黄色。他的脸变成猪肝色。但希尔达依然保持着端庄温柔的姿态。 "You must have a nurse or somebody, to look after you personally. You should really have a manservant," said Hilda as they sat, with apparent calmness, at coffee after dinner. She spoke in her soft, seemingly gentle way, but Clifford felt she was hitting him on the head with a bludgeon. “你得雇个护士,或者别的什么人,来照顾你的生活起居。你早就应该找个男仆。”希尔达说。吃过晚饭,大家围坐在一起,看似心平气和地品着咖啡。她的语气轻柔,如同和风细雨,而在克利福德听来,却好似当头棒喝。 "You think so?" he said coldly. “是么?”他冷冷地说。 "I'm sure! It's necessary. Either that, or Father and I must take Connie away for some months. This can't go on.” "What can't go on?” "Haven't you looked at the child!" asked Hilda, gazing at him full stare. He looked rather like a huge, boiled crayfish at the moment; or so she thought. “那当然!必须这么做。要么你答应雇人,不然父亲和我得把康妮接走几个月。这种情况不可以再继续下去。”“哪种情况不能再继续下去?”“难道你没看到康妮憔悴的样子吗?”希尔达质问道,圆睁二目,死死盯着克利福德。怒火中烧的他此时活像只煮熟的大个龙虾,至少她这么认为。 "Connie and I will discuss it," he said. “我会和康妮商量此事。”他说。 "I've already discussed it with her," said Hilda. “我已经和她商量过了。”希尔达寸步不让。 Clifford had been long enough in the hands of nurses; he hated them, because they left him no real privacy. And a manservant!...he couldn't stand a man hanging round him. Almost better any woman. But why not Connie? The two sisters drove off in the morning, Connie looking rather like an Easter lamb, rather small beside Hilda, who held the wheel. Sir Malcolm was away, but the Kensington house was open. 克利福德曾长年接受护士的照料,他对她们并无好感,因为有她们存在,自己便不得清静。至于男仆!……他无法忍受一个男人不离自己左右。但凡是女人就比男仆强。可为什么就不能由康妮来照看自己呢?次日清晨,姐妹俩乘车离开拉格比,康妮活像只复活节羔羊,坐在开车的希尔达旁边,显得又瘦又小。马尔科姆爵士此刻没在伦敦,但肯辛顿的房子却可供他们落脚。 The doctor examined Connie carefully, and asked her all about her life. "I see your photograph, and Sir Clifford's, in the illustrated papers sometimes. Almost notorieties, aren't you? That's how the quiet little girls grow up, though you're only a quiet little girl even now, in spite of the illustrated papers. No, no! There's nothing organically wrong, but it won't do! It won't do! Tell Sir Clifford he's got to bring you to town, or take you abroad, and amuse you. You've got to be amused, got to! Your vitality is much too low; no reserves, no reserves. The nerves of the heart a bit queer already: oh, yes! Nothing but nerves; I'd put you right in a month at Cannes or Biarritz. But it mustn' go on, MUST'T, I tell you, or I won't be answerable for consequences. You're spending your life without renewing it. You've got to be amused, properly, healthily amused. You're spending your vitality without making any. Can't go on, you know. Depression! Avoid depression!” Hilda set her jaw, and that meant something. 医生仔细为康妮做完检查,又询问了她日常生活的情况。“我在图片新闻报上见过几次你的照片,还有克利福德爵士的。倒也算是名声在外,没错吧?昔日文静的小姑娘就这样长成大人,现在虽说你上过几回报纸,但还是个羞涩的小女孩。别担心,别担心!身体器官都很健康,但不能这样继续下去!不能这样浑噩下去!告诉克利福德爵士,让他带你到伦敦来,或者去国外,放松一下心情。你必须要快活起来,必须!你的精力几近衰竭,又缺乏足够的储备。心脏的神经状况有些异常,哦,没错!只是精神方面的问题,去戛纳(注:法国东南部港口城市,度假胜地)或者比亚里茨(注:法国西南部旅游胜地)玩上一个月,保证可以恢复如常。但千万不能再这样生活下去,必须牢记我的话,否则后果将不堪设想。你一味消耗着自己的生命,让它无法恢复元气。你必须找点乐子,找到适合自己、同时有益健康的消遣方式。你的活力几乎耗尽,但却从不补充。决不能再继续下去,你得清楚。意志消沉!不要消沉下去!”希尔达咬碎银牙,难掩心中的愤怒。 Michaelis heard they were in town, and came running with roses. "Why, whatever's wrong?" he cried. "You're a shadow of yourself. Why, I never saw such a change! Why ever didn't you let me know? Come to Nice with me! Come down to Sicily! Go on, come to Sicily with me. It's lovely there just now. You want sun! You want life! Why, you're wasting away! Come away with me! Come to Africa! Oh, hang Sir Clifford! Chuck him, and come along with me. I'll marry you the minute he divorces you. Come along and try a life! God's love! That place Wragby would kill anybody. Beastly place! Foul place! Kill anybody! Come away with me into the sun! It's the sun you want, of course, and a bit of normal life.” But Connie's heart simply stood still at the thought of abandoning Clifford there and then. She couldn't do it. No...no! She just couldn't. She had to go back to Wragby. 米凯利斯听说他们到了伦敦,忙不迭地捧着玫瑰赶来。“怎么会这样?到底哪里不舒服?”他嚷道。“你简直瘦得脱了相。天呢,简直换了一个人!为什么瞒着我?跟我去尼斯吧!跟我去西西里!现在就起程,跟我去西西里!眼下那儿正是风光明媚。你需要阳光!需要真正的生活!噢,你已经虚弱成这副模样!跟我走吧!去非洲!啊,该死的克利福德!甩了他,跟我走。你俩一离婚,我立刻就娶你。来尝试全新的生活吧!上帝啊!拉格比那种鬼地方,任谁都会被闷死。丑陋的地方!肮脏的地方!谁都会被闷死的!跟我走,去享受阳光!你需要阳光的照耀,需要过点正常的生活。”但想到就此弃克利福德于不顾,康妮于心不忍。她没办法那样绝情。不行……不可以!她就是做不到。她得回拉格比去。 Michaelis was disgusted. Hilda didn't like Michaelis, but she ALMOST preferred him to Clifford. Back went the sisters to the Midlands. 米凯利斯心浮气躁。希尔达讨厌米凯利斯,但还是觉得他要比克利福德强些。姐妹俩启程返回中英格兰。 Hilda talked to Clifford, who still had yellow eyeballs when they got back. He, too, in his way, was overwrought; but he had to listen to all Hilda said, to all the doctor had said, not what Michaelis had said, of course, and he sat mum through the ultimatum. 两人回到格拉比,希尔达随即找克利福德摊牌,而他的眼睛依然呈现出病态的黄色。他同样有些心力交瘁,但又必须认真聆听希尔达的话,了解医生的嘱托,米凯利斯的胡言乱语自然没有被转达。他呆若木鸡地坐在那儿,听着希尔达的最后通牒。 "Here is the address of a good manservant, who was with an invalid patient of the doctor's till he died last month. He is really a good man, and fairly sure to come.” "But I'm NOT an invalid, and I will NOT have a manservant," said Clifford, poor devil. “按这个地址,可以找到一个得力的男仆,他常年伺候那位医生的病人,直到上个月那患者与世长辞。他的确非常优秀,而且肯定愿意来拉格比。”“可我没有病,也不需要什么男仆。”可怜鬼克利福德强辩道。 "And here are the addresses of two women; I saw one of them, she would do very well; a woman of about fifty, quiet, strong, kind, and in her way cultured..." Clifford only sulked, and would not answer. “这分别是两位女仆的地址,我曾见过其中一位,她能很好地胜任这份工作,大概50岁上下,性格沉稳,身体健壮,待人和气,也算是有修养……”克利福德只是沉着脸,不愿答话。 "Very well, Clifford. If we don't settle something by to-morrow, I shall telegraph to Father, and we shall take Connie away.” "Will Connie go?" asked Clifford. “好吧,克利福德。如果明天依然无法有个定论,我就给父亲发电报,我们会把康妮接走。”“康妮会离我而去吗?”克利福德问。 "She doesn't want to, but she knows she must. Mother died of cancer, brought on by fretting. We're not running any risks.” So next day Clifford suggested Mrs. Bolton, Tevershall parish nurse. Apparently Mrs. Betts had thought of her. Mrs. Bolton was just retiring from her parish duties to take up private nursing jobs. Clifford had a queer dread of delivering himself into the hands of a stranger, but this Mrs. Bolton had once nursed him through scarlet fever, and he knew her. “她不愿意离开,但也清楚必须这样做。我们的母亲死于癌症,这病因焦虑而起。我们不能再掉以轻心。”于是,第二天,克利福德提议雇用博尔顿太太,特弗沙尔教区的护士。显然是女管家贝茨太太想起了她。博尔顿太太正要从教区的职位上退下来,打算从事私人护理的工作。克利福德有种怪癖,害怕把自己交给陌生人照料,但博尔顿太太曾在他生猩红热期间伺候过他,所以也算是旧相识。 The two sisters at once called on Mrs. Bolton, in a newish house in a row, quite select for Tevershall. They found a rather good-looking woman of forty-odd, in a nurse's uniform, with a white collar and apron, just making herself tea in a small crowded sitting-room. 两姐妹立即登门拜访博尔顿太太,她的寓所崭新,位于特弗沙尔村较为整饬的街道上。她们见到的是位40多岁、面容姣好的中年女子,穿着护士制服,衣领和围裙均为白色,正忙着在局促的起居室里煮茶。 Mrs. Bolton was most attentive and polite, seemed quite nice, spoke with a bit of a broad slur, but in heavily correct English, and from having bossed the sick colliers for a good many years, had a very good opinion of herself, and a fair amount of assurance. In short, in her tiny way, one of the governing class in the village, very much respected. 博尔顿太太态度殷勤,礼数周全,看上去人也颇为正派,说话有些含混不清,但操一口纯正的英语。由于长年负责照看伤病的矿工,她自视甚高,信心满满。总而言之,在特弗沙尔这个弹丸之地,她属于管理阶层,很受村民尊重。 "Yes, Lady Chatterley's not looking at all well! Why, she used to be that bonny, didn't she now? But she's been failing all winter! Oh, it's hard, it is. Poor Sir Clifford! Eh, that war, it's a lot to answer for.” And Mrs. Bolton would come to Wragby at once, if Dr Shardlow would let her off. She had another fortnight's parish nursing to do, by rights, but they might get a substitute, you know. “是啊,查泰莱夫人脸色太难看了!哎呀,她过去多么健康美丽啊,不是吗?可一个冬天就瘦成这副模样!噢,日子如此难熬。可怜的克利福德爵士!唉,战争,都是战争惹的祸。”博尔顿太太愿意立刻赶往;拉格比,前提是沙德洛医生同意她辞职。按理说,她两周后才能退休,但他们或许可以找到替代人选。 Hilda posted off to Dr Shardlow, and on the following Sunday Mrs. Bolton drove up in Leiver's cab to Wragby with two trunks. Hilda had talks with her; Mrs. Bolton was ready at any moment to talk. And she seemed so young! The way the passion would flush in her rather pale cheek. She was forty-seven. 希尔达马不停蹄,找到沙德洛医生谈妥此事。下个星期日,博尔顿太太便带着两只行李箱,乘马车来到拉格比。希尔达跟她聊了会儿,博尔顿太太倒也非常健谈。而且她也显得很年轻。激动时,苍白的面颊便会泛起红潮。她今年47岁。 Her husband, Ted Bolton, had been killed in the pit, twenty-two years ago, twenty-two years last Christmas, just at Christmas time, leaving her with two children, one a baby in arms. Oh, the baby was married now, Edith, to a young man in Boots Cash Chemists in Sheffield. The other one was a schoolteacher in Chesterfield; she came home weekends, when she wasn't asked out somewhere. Young folks enjoyed themselves nowadays, not like when she, Ivy Bolton, was young. 其夫泰德·博尔顿22年前死于矿难,那时正值圣诞节,撇下她和两个孩子,年幼的还未脱襁褓。噢,昔日的婴孩如今已经嫁做人妇,她名叫伊迪斯,丈夫在谢菲尔德市布茨凯什药剂公司任职。长女在切斯特菲尔德任教,每逢周末,只要没有约会,都会回家探望母亲。如今的年轻人都懂得享受生活,不像她艾薇·博尔顿年轻时那般安分守己。 Ted Bolton was twenty-eight when lie was killed in an explosion down th' pit. The butty in front shouted to them all to lie down quick, there were four of them. And they all lay down in time, only Ted, and it killed him. Then at the inquiry, on the masters' side they said Ted had been frightened, and trying to run away, and not obeying orders, so it was like his fault really. So the compensation was only three hundred pounds, and they made out as if it was more of a gift than legal compensation, because it was really the man's own fault. And they wouldn't let her have the money down; she wanted to have a little shop. But they said she'd no doubt squander it, perhaps in drink! So she had to draw it thirty shillings a week. Yes, she had to go every Monday morning down to the offices, and stand there a couple of hours waiting her turn; yes, for almost four years she went every Monday. And what could she do with two little children on her hands? But Ted's mother was very good to her. When the baby could toddle she'd keep both the children for the day, while she, Ivy Bolton, went to Sheffield, and attended classes in ambulance, and then the fourth year she even took a nursing course and got qualified. She was determined to be independent and keep her children. So she was assistant at Uthwaite hospital, just a little place, for a while. But when the Company, the Tevershall Colliery Company, really Sir Geoffrey, saw that she could get on by herself, they were very good to her, gave her the parish nursing, and stood by her, she would say that for them. And she'd done it ever since, till now it was getting a bit much for her; she needed something a bit lighter, there was such a lot of traipsing around if you were a district nurse. 泰德·博尔顿因矿井爆炸殒命时,年仅28岁。走在前面的工头高喊快点卧倒,当时他们一行四人。大家都及时趴在地上,只有泰德除外,他就这样丢了性命。调查事故起因时,矿主们声称泰德因为惊慌失措,试图逃跑,而且违背命令,所以过失主要在他。因此,赔偿金只有可怜的300镑,而且矿方还认为这是法外施恩,因为过失全在个人。而且,他们还不肯一次把钱付清,她起初想用这笔钱开个小店。可矿主们说若一次付清,她准会将其挥霍干净,天天买醉也说不定。所以她只好每周去领30先令。没错,每周一早晨她都得去趟办公室,站在那儿等上一两个钟头;是的,整整四年时间,她几乎风雨不误。可有两个孩子嗷嗷待哺,她又能怎么做呢?幸而泰德的母亲对她很好。从伊迪斯蹒跚开始学步,她就接过白天照看姐妹俩的责任,而她,艾薇·博尔顿,则去谢菲尔德参加了战地医院培训班,学到第四年,她甚至修习了护理课程,并顺利拿到文凭。她决定自食其力,把两个孩子拉扯成人。于是,她便在乌斯维特医院谋得助理的职位,在那个小地方工作了一段时间。后来公司,特弗沙尔煤矿公司,说白了就是老板杰弗里爵士,看到她如此自强自立,为照顾孤儿寡母,给了她担任教区护士的机会,还处处关照她,博尔顿太太将过往种种原原本本地告诉康妮姐俩。从那时起,她就一直在教区工作,直到感觉有些力不从心,她打算做点稍微轻松的差事,担当教区护士需要四处奔波、忙个不停。 "Yes, the Company's been very good to me, I always say it. But I should never forget what they said about Ted, for he was as steady and fearless a chap as ever set foot on the cage, and it was as good as branding him a coward. But there, he was dead, and could say nothing to none of "em." It was a queer mixture of feelings the woman showed as she talked. She liked the colliers, whom she had nursed for so long; but she felt very superior to them. She felt almost upper class; and at the same time a resentment against the ruling class smouldered in her. The masters! In a dispute between masters and men, she was always for the men. But when there was no question of contest, she was pining to be superior, to be one of the upper class. The upper classes fascinated her, appealing to her peculiar English passion for superiority. She was thrilled to come to Wragby; thrilled to talk to Lady Chatterley, my word, different from the common colliers' wives! She said so in so many words. Yet one could see a grudge against the Chatterleys peep out in her; the grudge against the masters. “没错,公司待我不薄,我总是把这挂在嘴边。但我无法忘记他们对泰德的评价,因为他是个勇敢坚定的好矿工,但却无端地被打上胆小鬼的烙印。可现在,他已身故多年,再也没有申辩的机会。”这女人的言谈话语中,有多种情感奇异地交错着。对自己多年来护理过的矿工,她饱含深情,但又自觉比他们优越许多。她几乎认为自己是个上等人,同时在心底又涌动着对统治阶级的切齿仇恨。作威作福的家伙们!当矿主与工人发生冲突,她总是向工友们伸出援手。但当两方相安无事,她又羡慕那高高在上的优越感,渴望成为上层阶级的一份子。上层阶级的身份让她日思夜想,激起了她对优越感的极度渴望,那是英国人特有的性格特征。来到拉格比,让她兴奋不已,能和查泰莱夫人交谈,更使她激动万分,哎呀,普通矿工家的婆娘哪能跟她相提并论!她滔滔不绝地表达着自己的仰慕之情。但她的言行举止,还是透露出对查泰莱家族的忌恨,对上层阶级的仇视。 "Why, yes, of course, it would wear Lady Chatterley out! It's a mercy she had a sister to come and help her. Men don't think, high and low-alike, they take what a woman does for them for granted. Oh, I've told the colliers off about it many a time. But it's very hard for Sir Clifford, you know, crippled like that. They were always a haughty family, standoffish in a way, as they've a right to be. But then to be brought down like that! And it's very hard on Lady Chatterley, perhaps harder on her. What she misses! I only had Ted three years, but my word, while I had him I had a husband I could never forget. He was one in a thousand, and jolly as the day. Who'd ever have thought he'd get killed? I don't believe it to this day somehow, I've never believed it, though I washed him with my own hands. But he was never dead for me, he never was. I never took it in.” This was a new voice in Wragby, very new for Connie to hear; it roused a new ear in her. “哎,没错,这样肯定会把查泰莱夫人累垮的!幸好她有姐姐过来帮忙。男人们从不会考虑这些,无论身份高低,他们将女人所做的一切都当作天经地义。噢,这些话我不知道跟矿工们说过多少回。但克利福德爵士也确实够难的,他毕竟身有残疾。查泰莱家族历来趾高气昂,对人爱搭不理,因为人家确实有资格这么做。但不想后来遭此重创!查泰莱夫人也真不容易,或许肩头的压力更重。她失去的太多了!我和泰德只做了三年夫妻,可说实话,拥有他,我便拥有一个永生难忘的伴侣。他是千里挑一的好丈夫,总是那样乐观快活。谁能想到他突然就命丧黄泉?直到今天,我依然无法相信这是真的,我无法接受这一事实,虽然入殓前是我亲手帮他擦洗。但在我心里,他未曾死去,他还活得好好的。我难以接受这一噩耗。”拉格比终于迎来新声音,康妮倍感新鲜,也饶有兴趣地听她倾诉衷肠。 For the first week or so, Mrs. Bolton, however, was very quiet at Wragby, her assured, bossy manner left her, and she was nervous. With Clifford she was shy, almost frightened, and silent. He liked that, and soon recovered his self-possession, letting her do things for him without even noticing her. 可是,来到拉格比仅仅一周多时间,博尔顿太太就变得沉默寡言,她那满满的自信消失不见,颐指气使的神气劲也无踪无影,相反却变得紧张兮兮。在克利福德面前,她显得羞怯,甚至是恐惧,大气都不敢出。他巴不得她这样,很快就恢复了以往的泰然自若,任她忙东忙西,而置若罔闻。 "She's a useful nonentity!" he said. Connie opened her eyes in wonder, but she did not contradict him. So different are impressions on two different people! “她是个有用的透明人!”他评价道。康妮惊得瞪大眼睛,但她没有反驳。不同的头脑产生的印象截然相异。 And he soon became rather superb, somewhat lordly with the nurse. She had rather expected it, and he played up without knowing. So susceptible we are to what is expected of us! The colliers had been so like children, talking to her, and telling her what hurt them, while she bandaged them, or nursed them. They had always made her feel so grand, almost super-human in her administrations. Now Clifford made her feel small, and like a servant, and she accepted it without a word, adjusting herself to the upper classes. 不久,他变得趾高气昂,对女佣表现出骄横跋扈的态度。这早在康妮的意料之中,他恢复贵族老爷的派头,自己却全然不知。他人的期待总会对我们产生极大的影响!过去她为受伤的矿工包扎,照料他们,而矿工们也温顺得像是孩子,跟她倾谈,吐露自己心中的伤痛。这让她觉得自己从事护理工作时,是如此的不可或缺,超凡脱俗。而现在,克利福德使她感觉自己如此微不足道,跟下人没什么两样,她只能默默接受这一切,调整自己的心态,努力迎合上层阶级。 She came very mute, with her long, handsome face, and downcast eyes, to administer to him. And she said very humbly: "Shall I do this now, Sir Clifford? Shall I do that?" "No, leave it for a time. I'll have it done later.” "Very well, Sir Clifford." "Come in again in half an hour." "Very well, Sir Clifford." "And just take those old papers out, will you?" "Very well, Sir Clifford." She went softly, and in half an hour she came softly again. She was bullied, but she didn't mind. She was experiencing the upper classes. She neither resented nor disliked Clifford; he was just part of a phenomenon, the phenomenon of the high-class folks, so far unknown to her, but now to be known. She felt more at home with Lady Chatterley, and after all it's the mistress of the house matters most. 服侍克利福德的时候,她总是噤若寒蝉,一张端庄秀丽的瓜子脸,双目低垂。她唯唯诺诺地说:“我现在该做这个吗,克利福德爵士?”那个呢?”“不用,过会再说。需要的时候我会吩咐你。”“遵命,克利福德爵士。”“过半小时再来吧。”“遵命,克利福德爵士。”“把这些旧报纸捎走吧。”“遵命,克利福德爵士。”她轻手轻脚地退出去,半小时后,又悄无声息地回来。她被呼来喝去,但却毫不介意。她在体验统治阶级高高在上的感觉。她并不怨恨克利福德,对他也不反感,他只代表着某种现象,代表着与众不同的上层阶级。她对这个阶级尚不了解,而现在正开始慢慢熟悉。在查泰莱夫人面前,她要放松许多,毕竟这座府邸是女主人当家。 Mrs. Bolton helped Clifford to bed at night, and slept across the passage from his room, and came if he rang for her in the night. She also helped him in the morning, and soon valeted him completely, even shaving him, in her soft, tentative woman's way. She was very good and competent, and she soon knew how to have him in her power. He wasn't so very different from the colliers after all, when you lathered his chin, and softly rubbed the bristles. The stand-offishness and the lack of frankness didn't bother her; she was having a new experience. 博尔顿太太每晚都要伺候克利福德就寝,自己则睡在走廊对面的房间,如果他夜里按铃,她就得随叫随到。早上她还要服侍他起床,并很快接管男主人所有的饮食起居,甚至还要替他刮脸,以女性特有的方式,柔情款款,小心翼翼地照料着他。她称职又能干,很快就知道如何掌控克利福德。当你在他下颚涂满肥皂泡,轻轻地摩挲着胡茬,这位爵爷倒也跟低贱的矿工没什么不同。他冷漠而不坦诚的性格,并未让她感到难堪,反倒觉得是在体会新的经验。 Clifford, however, inside himself, never quite forgave Connie for giving up her personal care of him to a strange hired woman. It killed, he said to himself, the real flower of the intimacy between him and her. But Connie didn't mind that. The fine flower of their intimacy was to her rather like an orchid, a bulb stuck parasitic on her tree of life, and producing, to her eyes, a rather shabby flower. 然而,在克利福德心里,始终无法原谅康妮,认为妻子把自己的分内之事推给陌生的女佣。他对自己说,这种行为活活将夫妻之间的亲密之花扼杀。但康妮并不在乎他的感受。对她而言,这朵优雅的亲密之花更像是兰花,球茎寄生在她的生命之树上,在她眼里,结出一支破烂不堪的花朵。 Now she had more time to herself she could softly play the piano, up in her room, and sing: "Touch not the nettle, for the bonds of love are ill to loose." She had not realized till lately how ill to loose they were, these bonds of love. But thank Heaven she had loosened them! She was so glad to be alone, not always to have to talk to him. When he was alone he tapped-tapped-tapped on a typewriter, to infinity. But when he was not "working", and she was there, he talked, always talked; infinite small analysis of people and motives, and results, characters and personalities, till now she had had enough. For years she had loved it, until she had enough, and then suddenly it was too much. She was thankful to be alone. 如今,她拥有更多独处的时间,可以端坐在楼上的起居室里,优雅地弹奏起钢琴,高唱着:“路边荨麻莫采撷,爱的纠葛总难解。”直到现在,她才晓得这纠葛,这爱情的纠葛,是何等难解。但谢天谢地,她终于从束缚中摆脱出来!她很享受这种形影相吊的时光,再也不必总和克利福德瞎扯。女仆不在身边的时候,他就咔嗒咔嗒地轻敲着打字机,片刻也不停歇。但当他处于闲暇状态,碰巧她又在身边,他又会口若悬河,滔滔不绝,没完没了地细致分析着人物形象和作品主题,故事结局和人物性格,而现在她已经烦透了这些。多年以来,她始终很享受这种倾谈,而如今,她已经厌倦了这一切,突然无法再容忍下去了。能清清静静的,真是谢天谢地。 It was as if thousands and thousands of little roots and threads of consciousness in him and her had grown together into a tangled mass, till they could crowd no more, and the plant was dying. Now quietly, subtly, she was unravelling the tangle of his consciousness and hers, breaking the threads gently, one by one, with patience and impatience to get clear. But the bonds of such love are more ill to loose even than most bonds; though Mrs. Bolton's coming had been a great help. 仿佛两人的心灵深处有成千上万的根须和细丝相互连结,缠绕成纷乱繁复的一团,直至再也无法孽生,生命之树奄奄一息。现在,她得以解开两人心灵间纠结的乱麻,从容不迫,慢条斯理,轻柔地将细丝一根根扯断,时而耐心,时而急躁,让自己从束缚中摆脱出来。但畸爱的束缚往往最难解开,而博尔顿太太的到来帮了大忙。 But he still wanted the old intimate evenings of talk with Connie: talk or reading aloud. But now she could arrange that Mrs. Bolton should come at ten to disturb them. At ten o'clock Connie could go upstairs and be alone. Clifford was in good hands with Mrs. Bolton. 但克利福德仍需要保留与康妮倾谈的亲密夜晚,谈天说地,或是高声朗读。但现在,她会安排博尔顿太太十点进房来打断他们。这样,十点一到,康妮就可以自己上楼去,享受独处的时光。博尔顿太太会悉心照顾好克利福德。 Mrs. Bolton ate with Mrs. Betts in the housekeeper's room, since they were all agreeable. And it was curious how much closer the servants'quarters seemed to have come; right up to the doors of Clifford's study, when before they were so remote. For Mrs. Betts would sometimes sit in Mrs. Bolton's room, and Connie heard their lowered voices, and felt somehow the strong, other vibration of the working people almost invading the sitting-room, when she and Clifford were alone. So changed was Wragby merely by Mrs. Bolton's coming. 博尔顿太太和贝茨太太在管家的房间里共同用餐,因为两人相处得十分融洽。佣人房似乎变得那么近,好像就在克利福德书房门口,而以前却遥不可及,这种感觉真是妙不可言。原因是贝茨太太会时常来博尔顿太太坐坐,康妮则会听到她们在窃窃私语,不知怎的,当与克利福德独处时,她觉得劳动者的嗓音正强有力地震颤着,几乎已经将起居室占据。仅仅是博尔顿太太的到来,就让拉格比发生了天翻地覆的变化。 And Connie felt herself released, in another world, she felt she breathed differently. But still she was afraid of how many of her roots, perhaps mortal ones, were tangled with Clifford's. Yet still, she breathed freer, a new phase was going to begin in her life. 康妮感觉自己已经得到解脱,置身于崭新的世界,就连呼吸都远比以往畅快。但她心里仍在担忧,自己的根结,或许是最至关重要的根结,还有多少依然跟克利福德的紧紧相连。不过,她总算得以更自由地呼吸,其生命全新的阶段也即将展开。 第八章 Mrs. Bolton also kept a cherishing eye on Connie, feeling she must extend to her her female and professional protection. She was always urging her ladyship to walk out, to drive to Uthwaite, to be in the air. For Connie had got into the habit of sitting still by the fire, pretending to read; or to sew feebly, and hardly going out at all. 博尔顿太太对康妮同样关爱有加,她觉得有必要让女主人也体验到自己细致入微的职业看护。她常劝夫人外出散步,驾车去乌斯维特逛逛,呼吸新鲜的空气。因为康妮已经习惯每天呆坐在壁炉旁,装作在读书,又或是慵懒地做着针线活,几乎足不出户。 It was a blowy day soon after Hilda had gone, that Mrs. Bolton said: "Now why don't you go for a walk through the wood, and look at the daffs behind the keeper's cottage? They're the prettiest sight you'd see in a day's march. And you could put some in your room; wild daffs are always so cheerful-looking, aren't they?” Connie took it in good part, even daffs for daffodils. Wild daffodils! After all, one could not stew in one's own juice. The spring came back… "Seasons return, but not to me returns Day, or the sweet approach of Ev'n or Morn.” And the keeper, his thin, white body, like a lonely pistil of an invisible flower! She had forgotten him in her unspeakable depression. But now something roused… "Pale beyond porch and portal"...the thing to do was to pass the porches and the portals. 那是个有风的日子,希尔达刚刚告辞返家,博尔顿太太提议说:“您干嘛不去树林走走呢,到守林人农舍去,欣赏屋后的水仙?信步闲游后,便能将那最美丽的景色尽收眼底。您还可以采几朵,用来点缀房间,野水仙总能令人心旷神怡,不是吗?”康妮欣然接受了博尔顿太太的建议,甚至对她提及水仙花时使用省略语都没有介意。娇艳的野水仙!总不能自己折磨自己。春天已经回归……“季节轮转,但那愉快的日子,甜蜜的晨昏,却不再回来。”(注:引自英国诗人弥尔顿的长篇史诗《失乐园》)而那守林人,他那白皙修长的身体,像寂寥的花蕊,生在不起眼的小花上。在那些极为消沉的日子里,她甚至已经将他遗忘。而此刻,某种情感被悄然唤醒……“苍白,在走廊及大门之外”(注:出自英国诗人斯温伯恩的《珀尔塞福涅的花园》)……所要做的只是穿过走廊,迈出门去。 She was stronger, she could walk better, and in the wood the wind would not be so tiring as it was across the bark, flatten against her. She wanted to forget, to forget the world, and all the dreadful, carrion-bodied people. "Ye must be born again! I believe in the resurrection of the body! Except a grain of wheat fall into the earth and die, it shall by no means bring forth. When the crocus cometh forth I too will emerge and see the sun!" In the wind of March endless phrases swept through her consciousness. Little gusts of sunshine blew, strangely bright, and lit up the celandines at the wood's edge, under the hazel-rods, they spangled out bright and yellow. And the wood was still, stiller, but yet gusty with crossing sun. The first windflowers were out, and all the wood seemed pale with the pallor of endless little anemones, sprinkling the shaken floor. "The world has grown pale with thy breath." But it was the breath of Persephone, this time; she was out of hell on a cold morning. Cold breaths of wind came, and overhead there was an anger of entangled wind caught among the twigs. It, too, was caught and trying to tear itself free, the wind, like Absalom. How cold the anemones looked, bobbing their naked white shoulders over crinoline skirts of green. But they stood it. A few first bleached little primroses too, by the path, and yellow buds unfolding themselves. 她较以往结实许多,走起路来也更加有力,树林里的风比吹过花园时轻柔许多,不再那样咄咄逼人。她想忘却,忘却整个世界,忘却那些行尸走肉般丑恶嘴脸。“你必须重生(注:引自《新约·约翰福音》)!我深信肉体的复活!一粒麦子不落在地里死了,仍旧是一粒,若是死了,就结出许多子粒来。(注:引自《新约·约翰福音》)当报春花怒放之际,我也将再度复苏,仰望光芒万丈的太阳!”沐浴着三月的春风,无穷无尽的辞藻在她的脑海中涌现。缕缕阳光在树影间跳跃,奇异的光线照亮树林边缘的白屈菜,它们躺在榛树下,闪烁着灼灼的黄光。树林依然寂静,甚至更为寂静,只是偶尔射进来几束阳光。赶早的银莲花已经绽放,星星点点地散满颤巍巍的地面,整个树林似乎都被它们染成苍白色。“在你的气息中,世界已然苍白。”(注:引自斯温伯恩的《珀尔塞福涅赞歌》)但那是珀尔塞福涅(注:希腊神话中冥王哈德斯的妻子)的呼吸,在这清冷的早晨,她从地狱来到人间。阵阵冷风呼啸而来,在头顶上被枝桠纠缠住,而发出怒号。它也和押沙龙(注:《圣经》中犹太王大卫的第三子,因反叛其父,最终被杀)一样,被树枝困住,奋力想要挣脱出来。白莲花身着翠绿色衬裙,坦露着雪白的肩膀,冷得瑟瑟发抖。但它们却能抵挡住严寒的侵袭。还有那路边初放的樱草花,稍稍泛白,黄色的蓓蕾开始绽放。 The roaring and swaying was overhead, only cold currents came down below. Connie was strangely excited in the wood, and the colour flew in her cheeks, and burned blue in her eyes. She walked ploddingly, picking a few primroses and the first violets, that smelled sweet and cold, sweet and cold. And she drifted on without knowing where she was. 风在头顶盘旋怒号,阵阵凉气向下袭来。康妮漫步林间,心情莫名激动,两颊泛红,双目闪着蓝光。她放慢脚步,采摘樱草花以及乍放的紫罗兰,花朵嗅起来芳香扑鼻,但又寒意逼人。她漫无目的地走着,全然不知自己身在何处。 Till she came to the clearing, at the end of the wood, and saw the green-stained stone cottage, looking almost rosy, like the flesh underneath a mushroom, its stone warmed in a burst of sun. And there was a sparkle of yellow jasmine by the door; the closed door. But no sound; no smoke from the chimney; no dog barking. 她来到森林尽头的空旷所在,那座绿色的石屋映入眼帘,远远望去几乎是玫瑰色的,像菌盖背面的色泽,整座石屋沐浴在温暖的阳光中。大门紧闭,门边几簇黄色素馨花闪闪发光。但四周寂静无声,烟囱没有冒烟,耳边也未闻犬吠。 She went quietly round to the back, where the bank rose up; she had an excuse, to see the daffodils. 康妮悄悄绕到屋后,那里地势陡升,她是来看水仙花的,这是个不错的托词。 And they were there, the short-stemmed flowers, rustling and fluttering and shivering, so bright and alive, but with nowhere to hide their faces, as they turned them away from the wind. 它们就生长在那儿,花梗较短,瑟瑟响,摇摆着,颤抖着,色泽鲜亮,充满生命活力,风儿吹来,它们便背过脸去,却不知将粉面藏在何处。 They shook their bright, sunny little rags in bouts of distress. But perhaps they liked it really; perhaps they really liked the tossing. 花瓣鲜亮娇小,痛苦地摆动着。但或许它们其实喜欢如此,喜欢在风中摇曳着身姿。 Constance sat down with her back to a young pine-tree, that wayed against her with curious life, elastic, and powerful, rising up. The erect, alive thing, with its top in the sun! And she watched the daffodils turn golden, in a burst of sun that was warm on her hands and lap. Even she caught the faint, tarry scent of the flowers. And then, being so still and alone, she seemed to bet into the current of her own proper destiny. She had been fastened by a rope, and jagging and snarring like a boat at its moorings; now she was loose and adrift. 康斯坦斯坐了下来,倚着一棵小松树,那树在她背后起伏摇摆,展现出非同寻常的生命力和柔韧性,向上弹起时力道十足。它充满活力,腰杆挺拔,在阳光中高昂着头颅。阳光瞬间变得异常灿烂,给水仙花镀上金色,康妮目睹着这一切,感觉自己的四肢也温暖起来。她甚至闻到花朵淡淡的芬芳。如此静谧,如此寂寥,她似乎置身于自己命运的洪流中。她曾经被绳索拴住,像系泊在水边的小船,随着波浪颠簸摇摆,而如今,却得以摆脱束缚,任意漂流。 The sunshine gave way to chill; the daffodils were in shadow, dipping silently. So they would dip through the day and the long cold night. So strong in their frailty! 阳光让位于寒冷,水仙花为阴影所笼罩,静默地垂下了头。它们就这样低垂粉颈,度过白天,熬过凄冷的长夜。看似弱不禁风,实则坚忍不拔! She rose, a little stiff, took a few daffodils, and went down. She hated breaking the flowers, but she wanted just one or two to go with her. She would have to go back to Wragby and its walls, and now she hated it, especially its thick walls. Walls! Always walls! Yet one needed them in this wind. 她站起身来,腿脚稍感麻木,采几朵水仙,随即转身离去。她不愿折断花枝,但却只想要采撷一两朵与己相伴。她不得不回转拉格比,回到那难以逾越的墙壁中去,然而现在,却对那宅邸,尤其是厚重的墙壁,满怀恨意。墙壁!总是墙壁!但在这凛冽的寒风中,人往往需要它们的庇护。 When she got home Clifford asked her: "Where did you go?" "Right across the wood! Look, aren't the little daffodils adorable? To think they should come out of the earth!” "Just as much out of air and sunshine," he said. 她回到家,克利福德问道:“你去哪儿了?”“径直穿过树林!看,这些水仙花多么讨人喜欢啊!想想看,它们竟然生发自泥土!”“也少不了空气和阳光。”他补充说。 "But modelled in the earth," she retorted, with a prompt contradiction, that surprised her a little. “但却是在泥土中长成的。”康妮随即作出反驳,速度之快让她自己都暗暗吃惊。 The next afternoon she went to the wood again. She followed the broad riding that swerved round and up through the larches to a spring called John's Well. It was cold on this hillside, and not a flower in the darkness of larches. But the icy little spring softly pressed upwards from its tiny well-bed of pure, reddish-white pebbles. How icy and clear it was! Brilliant! The new keeper had no doubt put in fresh pebbles. She heard the faint tinkle of water, as the tiny overflow trickled over and downhill. Even above the hissing boom of the larchwood, that spread its bristling, leafless, wolfish darkness on the down-slope, she heard the tinkle as of tiny water-bells. 次日过午,她再度前往树林。她沿着宽阔的马道前行,道路穿过落叶松林,蜿蜒而上,来到某个唤作约翰井的泉眼处。这侧的山坡气温较低,松林的荫翳下见不到半点花影。可彻骨的细流仍从井台上喷涌而出,那窄小的井台用略带红色的纯白卵石砌成。泉水那样冰凉,那样清澈!闪闪发光!新来的守林人想必又添加过石子。这涓涓细流从泉眼中溢出,向山下流去,发出微弱的叮当声。就算是漫山遍野黑沉沉的松林发出低沉的怒吼,都无法掩盖这银铃般清脆的叮当声。 This place was a little sinister, cold, damp. Yet the well must have been a drinking-place for hundreds of years. Now no more. Its tiny cleared space was lush and cold and dismal. 这地方颇为阴森可怖,寒冷潮湿。几百年来,这眼泉想必始终扮演着水源的角色。而如今却已荒弃。井台狭小的空地四周野草丛生,阴冷而又凄凉。 She rose and went slowly towards home. As she went she heard a faint tapping away on the right, and stood still to listen. Was it hammering, or a woodpecker? It was surely hammering. 她站起身,缓步踏上归途。轻微的敲击声从右侧传来,她停住脚步,侧耳倾听。是锤击声,还是啄木鸟在劳作?肯定是锤击声。 She walked on, listening. And then she noticed a narrow track between young fir-trees, a track that seemed to lead nowhere. But she felt it had been used. She turned down it adventurously, between the thick young firs, which gave way soon to the old oak wood. She followed the track, and the hammering grew nearer, in the silence of the windy wood, for trees make a silence even in their noise of wind. 她循声而进。不久,她发现新栽的杉树丛中有条窄径,似乎通不到任何去处。但她觉得这条小径准有人走过。她壮着胆子,踏上这条林间小路,没走多久,两边幼嫩的杉树便被古老的橡树所取代。她继续前进,距离敲击声越来越近,有风的树林依然宁静,因为即使风声不绝于耳,树木仍能营造出静默的氛围。 She saw a secret little clearing, and a secret little hot made of rustic poles. And she had never been here before! She realized it was the quiet place where the growing pheasants were reared; the keeper in his shirt-sleeves was kneeling, hammering. The dog trotted forward with a short, sharp bark, and the keeper lifted his face suddenly and saw her. He had a startled look in his eyes. 一小块隐蔽的空地出现在眼前,还有座粗糙圆木搭成的秘密小屋。她之前从未到过这里!她恍然大悟,这个安静的所在是饲养雉鸡的地方。那守林人身着衬衣,正跪在地上,敲打着什么。狗儿快步向她冲来,发出短促而尖利的叫声,守林人猛地抬起头,这才发现她。他的双眼流露出错愕的神情。 He straightened himself and saluted, watching her in silence, as she came forward with weakening limbs. He resented the intrusion; he cherished his solitude as his only and last freedom in life. 他起身行礼,默默看着她四肢无力地走上前来。她不请自来,让他感到非常不满。他无比珍视这方净土,只有在这里,他才能远离尘嚣,安享自由。 "I wondered what the hammering was," she said, feeling weak and breathless, and a little afraid of him, as he looked so straight at her. “我在奇怪这锤声是怎么回事。”康妮说,感到全身无力,呼吸急促,被他逼视,让她心里稍有畏惧。 "Ah'm gettin' th' coops ready for th' young bods," he said, in broad vernacular. “俺在给鸡仔搭窝。”他操着浓重的土语解释道。 She did not know what to say, and she felt weak. "I should like to sit down a bit," she said. 她不知道如何作答,只是感到虚弱无力。“我想稍坐片刻。”她说。 "Come and sit 'ere i'th'ut," he said, going in front of her to the hut, pushing aside some timber and stuff, and drawing out a rustic chair, made of hazel sticks. “进屋坐吧。”他说完,便将她引进小屋,将柴火和杂物推到一旁,拉出把榛条做成的粗木靠椅。 "Am Ah t'light yer a little fire?" he asked, with the curious naïveté of the dialect. “俺给恁生点火吧?”他的土腔土调中透出难得的质朴。 "Oh, don't bother," she replied. “噢,不用麻烦了。”她答道。 But he looked at her hands; they were rather blue. So he quickly took some larch twigs to the little brick fire-place in the corner, and in a moment the yellow flame was running up the chimney. He made a place by the brick hearth. 可他发觉她的双手都冻青了。于是,他急忙拾起松枝,填进角落里砖砌的壁炉,不一会儿,金黄色的火焰便蹿向烟囱。他在壁炉旁给她设座。 "Sit 'ere then a bit, and warm yer," he said. “坐这儿,待会儿就暖和过来了。”他说。 She obeyed him. He had that curious kind of protective authority she obeyed at once. So she sat and warmed her hands at the blaze, and dropped logs on the fire, whilst outside he was hammering again. She did not really want to sit, poked in a corner by the fire; she would rather have watched from the door, but she was being looked after, so she had to submit. 她照他的话去做了。不知怎的,他让康妮体验到莫名的安全感,似乎不容置疑,她未加思索,立马照办。她坐在壁炉旁,任火焰温暖着双手,不时往里加点柴火,而他则出去继续敲敲打打。她不想就这么干坐着,蜷缩在角落里烤火,宁愿去门旁看他干活,但既然人家如此照顾,她也只能服从他的安排。 The hut was quite cosy, panelled with unvarnished deal, having a little rustic table and stool beside her chair, and a carpenter's bench, then a big box, tools, new boards, nails; and many things hung from pegs: axe, hatchet, traps, things in sacks, his coat. It had no window, the light came in through the open door. It was a jumble, but also it was a sort of little sanctuary. 小屋温暖舒适,四壁用未着漆的冷杉板镶嵌而成。她所坐的靠椅旁,还有一张粗制的小桌和一张矮凳、一条木工用长凳,然后是一只大箱子、数件工具,几块没用过的木板,一堆钉子。墙上还挂着长柄斧、短把斧、兽夹、盛满物件的口袋以及他的外套。屋里没有窗户,光线只能从敞开的门射进来。虽说这里杂乱无章,但仍不失为一个小小的庇护所。 She listened to the tapping of the man's hammer; it was not so happy. He was oppressed. Here was a trespass on his privacy, and a dangerous one! A woman! He had reached the point where all he wanted on earth was to be alone. And yet he was powerless to preserve his privacy; he was a hired man, and these people were his masters. 她聆听着锤子的敲击声,传递出的情绪并不快活。他有些压抑。他的私隐遭到侵扰,而且是危险的侵扰!一个女人!他本已心灰意冷,人世间唯一渴望的状态就是孑然一身。然而,此刻他却无力保持自己的清静,因为他只是个雇工,而这些家伙都是主子。 Especially he did not want to come into contact with a woman again. He feared it; for he had a big wound from old contacts. He felt if he could not be alone, and if he could not be left alone, he would die. His recoil away from the outer world was complete; his last refuge was this wood; to hide himself there! 更何况,他不再想和女人扯上关系。他对男女关系充满恐惧,过去失败的婚姻曾让他深受重创。他的想法是,如果不能保持孑然独立的状态,如果遭到他人的侵扰,那还不如一死了之。他已经完全与外界脱离开来,而最后的避难所就是这片树林,他可以藏身于此! Connie grew warm by the fire, which she had made too big: then she grew hot. She went and sat on the stool in the doorway, watching the man at work. He seemed not to notice her, but he knew. Yet he worked on, as if absorbedly, and his brown dog sat on her tail near him, and surveyed the untrustworthy world. 坐在炉火旁,康妮渐渐暖和过来,但她却又把火生得太旺,搞得自己燥热不安。她离开壁炉,坐在门边的板凳上,注视着劳作的男人。他似乎没有注意到她,但其实心中有数。他不动声色,继续干活,似乎非常专注,那条棕色的猎犬蹲在一旁,审视着眼前这个难以捉摸的世界。 Slender, quiet and quick, the man finished the coop he was making, turned it over, tried the sliding door, then set it aside. Then he rose, went for an old coop, and took it to the chopping log where he was working. Crouching, he tried the bars; some broke in his hands; he began to draw the nails. Then he turned the coop over and deliberated, and he gave absolutely no sign of awareness of the woman's presence. 他身材修长,朴素沉静,动作敏捷,把鸡笼做好,随即翻转过来,试过拉门,便放在一旁。接着,他起身去取旧鸡笼,把它放在刚才干活的木墩上。他蹲下来,试试木条是否依然坚固,不觉便扯断几根,然后又开始拔钉子。他把笼子倒过来,思索应该如何处理,装作毫未觉察康妮在注视着自己。 So Connie watched him fixedly. And the same solitary aloneness she had seen in him naked, she now saw in him clothed: solitary, and intent, like an animal that works alone, but also brooding, like a soul that recoils away, away from all human contact. Silently, patiently, he was recoiling away from her even now. It was the stillness, and the timeless sort of patience, in a man impatient and passionate, that touched Connie's womb. She saw it in his bent head, the quick quiet hands, the crouching of his slender, sensitive loins; something patient and withdrawn. She felt his experience had been deeper and wider than her own; much deeper and wider, and perhaps more deadly. And this relieved her of herself; she felt almost irresponsible. 康妮的目光完全聚焦在他身上。无论是当日上身赤裸的他,还是现在衣着整齐的他,所透露出的那份孤寂都未曾变过。孤独而又专注,像头离群独居的野兽,自生自灭,但却也常苦思冥想,像个形单影只的灵魂,远离尘嚣。而此时此刻,他正以静默坚忍的态度,努力逃避着她关注的目光。性格焦躁、热情似火的七尺男儿,却能如此沉稳安静,拥有持久的耐心,正是这点触动了康妮的心灵。从他低垂着的头,灵活沉着的双手,以及伏着的纤细敏感的腰身,康妮体会到的是内敛和隐忍。她感觉他的人生历练远比自己深广,所遭所遇或许更加残酷。这样的想法让她感到释然,顿觉肩头的责任减轻许多。 So she sat in the doorway of the hut in a dream, utterly unaware of time and of particular circumstances. She was so drifted away that he glanced up at her quickly, and saw the utterly still, waiting look on her face. To him it was a look of waiting. And a little thin tongue of fire suddenly flickered in his loins, at the root of his back, and he groaned in spirit. He dreaded with a repulsion almost of death, any further close human contact. He wished above all things she would go away, and leave him to his own privacy. He dreaded her will, her female will, and her modern female insistency. And above all he dreaded her cool, upper-class impudence of having her own way. For after all he was only a hired man. He hated her presence there. 她坐在石屋门旁,如坠梦中,时间也好,特殊的环境也罢,她都浑然不觉。他抽冷子抬头向她望去,却发现那心旗摇曳的女人正呆呆发愣,脸上写满期待。对他而言,这是种渴望的神情。些许细小的火苗在他的腰部,后背下部的位置摇曳,他心底不由得发出呻吟。他不愿跟别人深交,甚至对此厌恶到极点。他盼着她能乖乖走开,还自己以清净的空间。她的意志,女性的欲望,还有那现代女性不达目的不罢休的态度,都让他心悸。而最令他感到害怕的,则是这种贵妇人的傲慢冷淡,我行我素。因为他毕竟只是受雇于人。她的到来让他心生反感。 Connie came to herself with sudden uneasiness. She rose. The afternoon was turning to evening, yet she could not go away. She went over to the man, who stood up at attention, his worn face stiff and blank, his eyes watching her. 突如其来的不安情绪,让康妮从白日梦中惊醒。她站起身。时间已从下午转到黄昏,但她仍不愿离去。她向那男人走去,而他则笔管条直地站在原地,沧桑的面庞略显僵硬,看不出半点表情,只是双眼凝视着她。 "It is so nice here, so restful," she said. "I have never been here before." "No?" "I think I shall come and sit here sometimes." “这儿真美,让人心旷神怡。”她赞叹道。“我从未来过这里。”“没有吗?”“我想以后可以常来坐坐。” "Yes?" "Do you lock the hut when you're not here?” "Yes, your Ladyship." "Do you think I could have a key too, so that I could sit here sometimes? Are there two keys?" "Not as Ah know on, ther' is na.” He had lapsed into the vernacular. Connie hesitated; he was putting up an opposition. Was it his hut, after all? "Couldn't we get another key?" she asked in her soft voice, that underneath had the ring of a woman determined to get her way. “是么?”“你不在的时候,会把屋门锁上吗?”“是的,夫人。”“可以给我把钥匙吗?好让我能常来坐坐。有两把钥匙吗?”“据俺所知,没多余的。”他又搬出土话来。康妮感到迟疑,他显然有些抵触情绪。可毕竟那小屋并不属于他。“再配把钥匙不行么?”她问道,轻柔的语调透露出坚决,这女人打算独行其道。 "Another!" he said, glancing at her with a flash of anger, touched with derision. “再弄一把!”他说,双目中闪烁着怒火,又带有几分嘲弄。 "Yes, a duplicate," she said, flushing. “对,再配一把。”她说,脸已泛红。 “'Appen Sir Clifford 'ud know," he said, putting her off. “大概克利福德爵士那儿会有。”他搪塞着她。 "Yes!" she said, "he might have another. Otherwise we could have one made from the one you have. It would only take a day or so, I suppose. You could spare your key for so long." "Ah canna tell yer, m'Lady! Ah know no'dy as ma'es keys round 'ere.” Connie suddenly flushed with anger. “没错!”她说,“他或许有。不过,我们另配一把也无妨。我想这只消一天的工夫。这段时间你可以先别用自己的钥匙。”“那可说不准,夫人。俺不晓得周遭哪个会配钥匙。”康妮听完,气得满脸通红。 "Very well!" she said. "I'll see to it.” "All right, your Ladyship." Their eyes met. His had a cold, ugly look of dislike and contempt, and indifference to what would happen. Hers were hot with rebuff. “很好!”她说。“我自己想办法。”“悉听尊便,夫人。”四目相对。他的眼神冷漠阴郁,充满厌恶与鄙夷,似乎康妮接下来要怎么做,与他毫无干系。而她的目光则因遭拒而燃起怒火。 But her heart sank, she saw how utterly he disliked her, when she went against him. And she saw him in a sort of desperation. 可她的情绪随即坠入谷底,她亲眼目睹,两人针锋相对时,他是多么厌恶自己。她看见他处于些许绝望之中。 "Good afternoon! "Afternoon, my Lady! He saluted and turned abruptly away. She had wakened the sleeping dogs of old voracious anger in him, anger against the self-willed female. And he was powerless, powerless. He knew it! “再见!”“回见,夫人!”他行过礼,立即转身离去。他心中沉睡已久的暴怒已被唤醒,眼前这个任性胡为的女人让他气撞顶梁。但他却无计可施,无可奈何。他深知这一点! And she was angry against the self-willed male. A servant too! She walked sullenly home. 而她也同样因为这个冥顽不灵的男人怒不可遏。不过是个下人而已!她怏怏地往回走。 She found Mrs. Bolton under the great beech-tree on the knoll, looking for her. 山坡上那棵硕大的山毛榉树下,站着的正是博尔顿太太,她正盼着女主人快些归来。 "I just wondered if you'd be coming, my Lady," the woman said brightly. “我正琢磨着,您差不多该回来了,夫人。”她高兴地说。 "Am I late?" asked Connie. “我回来晚了吗?”康妮问。 "Oh only Sir Clifford was waiting for his tea." "Why didn't you make it then?” "Oh, I don't think it's hardly my place. I don't think Sir Clifford would like it at all, my Lady.” "I don't see why not," said Connie. “哦……只是克利福德爵士急着要喝茶。”“你干嘛不给他弄呢?”“噢,我觉得自己没法替您做这些。克利福德爵士也根本不希望由我来做,夫人。”“我真搞不懂他为何不愿意。”康妮说。 She went indoors to Clifford's study, where the old brass kettle was simmering on the tray. 她回到家,径直来到克利福德的书房,那把旧铜壶正在托盘上冒着热气。 "Am I late, Clifford?" she said, putting down the few flowers and taking up the tea-caddy, as she stood before the tray in her hat and scarf. "I'm sorry! Why didn't you let Mrs. Bolton make the tea?” "I didn't think of it," he said ironically. "I don't quite see her presiding at the tea-table.” "Oh, there's nothing sacrosanct about a silver tea-pot," said Connie. “我回来得有些晚吧,克利福德?”她说着,在托盘前站定,搁下采来的水仙,顺手取过茶叶盒,帽子和围巾都没来得及摘掉。“很抱歉!可你为什么不让博尔顿太太给你泡茶呢?”“我就没这样想过。”他语带讽刺地说。“我觉得茶桌上的事她无法胜任。”“啊,区区银茶壶,也没什么神圣之处。”康妮说。 He glanced up at her curiously. 他诧异地扫了她一眼。 "What did you do all afternoon?" he said. “你整个下午都做什么去了?”他问。 "Walked and sat in a sheltered place. Do you know there are still berries on the big holly-tree?” She took off her scarf, but not her hat, and sat down to make tea. The toast would certainly be leathery. She put the tea-cosy over the tea-pot, and rose to get a little glass for her violets. The poor flowers hung over, limp on their stalks. “散步,然后坐在背风处小憩。你知道么?大冬青树还结有果实呢。”她解下围巾,但没摘帽子,坐下来沏茶。烤面包肯定变得硬而不脆了。她给茶壶套上保护套,站起来拿过一个小玻璃瓶,准备用来插紫罗兰。那些可怜的花在花茎上耷拉着脑袋,无精打采。 "They'll revive again!" she said, putting them before him in their glass for him to smell. “它们会振作起来的!”她边说,边把花瓶端到丈夫跟前让他闻。 "Sweeter than the lids of Juno's eyes," he quoted. “比朱诺的眉眼还要可爱。”他引用莎翁的名句。(注:这句话出自莎士比亚的剧作《冬天的故事》) "I don't see a bit of connexion with the actual violets," she said. "The Elizabethans are rather upholstered." She poured him his tea. “我觉得这句诗跟真正的紫罗兰毫不搭界。”她说。“伊丽莎白时期的人都有些华而不实。”她给他斟茶。 "Do you think there is a second key to that little hut not far from John's Well, where the pheasants are reared?" she said. “约翰井附近那个养野鸡的小屋,有没有备用钥匙?”她问。 "There may be. Why?" "I happened to find it today—and I'd never seen it before. I think it's a darling place. I could sit there sometimes, couldn't I?” "Was Mellors there?" "Yes! That's how I found it: his hammering. He didn't seem to like my intruding at all. In fact he was almost rude when I asked about a second key.” "What did he say?" "Oh, nothing: just his manner; and he said he knew nothing about keys.” "There may be one in Father's study. Betts knows them all, they're all there. I'll get him to look.” "Oh do!" she said. “或许有。怎么?”“我今天无意间发现的——之前从来没留意。我觉得那儿挺招人爱的。我想时常过去坐坐,可以吗?”“梅勒斯在那儿吗?”“在!把我引到那里的,正是他的锤击声。他似乎很反感我贸然闯入。我问起有没有备用钥匙时,他的反应简直有些粗鲁。”“他说了什么?”“哦,没什么,只是态度不太礼貌,他说钥匙的事他半点不知。”“父亲书房里好像有一把。贝茨认得,所有钥匙都在那儿。我让他去找找看。”“噢,拜托你!”她说。 "So Mellors was almost rude?" "Oh, nothing, really! But I don't think he wanted me to have the freedom of the castle, quite.” "I don't suppose he did.” "Still, I don't see why he should mind. It's not his home, after all! It's not his private abode. I don't see why I shouldn't sit there if I want to.” "Quite!" said Clifford. "He thinks too much of himself, that man." "Do you think he does?" "Oh, decidedly! He thinks he's something exceptional. You know he had a wife he didn't get on with, so he joined up in 1915 and was sent to India, I believe. Anyhow he was blacksmith to the cavalry in Egypt for a time; always was connected with horses, a clever fellow that way. Then some Indian colonel took a fancy to him, and he was made a lieutenant. Yes, they gave him a commission. I believe he went back to India with his colonel, and up to the north-west frontier. He was ill; he was a pension. He didn't come out of the army till last year, I believe, and then, naturally, it isn't easy for a man like that to get back to his own level. He's bound to flounder. But he does his duty all right, as far as I'm concerned. Only I'm not having any of the Lieutenant Mellors touch.” "How could they make him an officer when he speaks broad Derbyshire?" "He doesn't...except by fits and starts. He can speak perfectly well, for him. I suppose he has an idea if he's come down to the ranks again, he'd better speak as the ranks speak.” "Why didn't you tell me about him before?” "Oh, I've no patience with these romances. They're the ruin of all order. It's a thousand pities they ever happened.” Connie was inclined to agree. What was the good of discontented people who fitted in nowhere? In the spell of fine weather Clifford, too, decided to go to the wood. The wind was cold, but not so tiresome, and the sunshine was like life itself, warm and full. “你刚才说梅勒斯对你无礼?”“啊,没什么,真的!不过,他似乎不愿见我在他的地盘自由出入。”“我想也是。”“可我就不明白,他为什么那样介怀。那又不是他的家!也不是他的私人领地。真搞不明白,只要我喜欢,为何不能去那儿坐坐。”“的确如此!”克利福德说。“那家伙太自以为是。”“你这么认为?”“嗯,这很明显!他觉得自己与众不同。他因为和妻子闹别扭,1915年参军,被派往印度。在埃及,他曾给骑兵营做过铁匠活,总是跟马匹打交道,在那方面倒也有两把刷子。后来,他被某位驻印度的上校相中,晋升为中尉。是的,他们授予他军衔。他追随长官回到印度,前往西北边陲。他疾病缠身,因而得到一份抚恤金。他去年才退伍,当然,这种清高的家伙,被打回原形,自然有些难以接受。内心肯定会挣扎不已。但据我所知,他还算尽职尽责。只是我可不想看到他摆出梅勒斯中尉的神气。”“他满口浓重的德比郡土话,怎么还能被提拔成军官呢?”“他并不常说土话……只是时而说说。他的英语说得相当地道。据我猜测,他准是这样考虑的,既然重新沦为平头百姓,那么最好还是说老百姓说的话。”“你以前为何没跟我提过这些事?”“哦,我可没耐性扯这些传奇故事。这些事对维护社会秩序没啥好处。它们根本就不该发生。”康尼觉得克利福德说得有理。这种家伙与现实格格不入,却又心怀不满,他们有什么好呢?好天气的持续,让克利福德也打算去树林走走。风依然寒冷,但却已经可以承受,阳光则是生机勃勃,温暖而又饱满。 "It's amazing," said Connie, "how different one feels when there's a really fresh fine day. Usually one feels the very air is half dead. People are killing the very air.” "Do you think people are doing it?" he asked. “多奇妙啊,”康妮感慨道,“风和丽日的日子里,人的感觉也完全不同。平日里,你会觉得空气都死气沉沉的。空气正遭到毁灭性的破坏。”“你这么认为?”他问。 "I do. The steam of so much boredom, and discontent and anger out of all the people, just kills the vitality in the air. I'm sure of it.” "Perhaps some condition of the atmosphere lowers the vitality of the people?" he said. “的确如此。人类将无穷无尽的厌烦、不满以及愤怒呼出,恰恰将空气中的生机尽数毁灭。这一点毫无疑问。”“或许是大气的某些状况降低了人类的活力?”他说。 "No, it's man that poisons the universe," she asserted. “不,是人类在荼毒宇宙。”她言之凿凿。 "Fouls his own nest," remarked Clifford. “自毁家园。”克利福德评论道。 The chair puffed on. In the hazel copse catkins were hanging pale gold, and in sunny places the wood-anemones were wide open, as if exclaiming with the joy of life, just as good as in past days, when people could exclaim along with them. They had a faint scent of apple-blossom. Connie gathered a few for Clifford. 轮椅突突前进。榛丛中悬着淡金色的柔荑花,五叶银莲在阳光充足处盛放,仿佛在歌颂生命的快乐,就像往日人们可以同它们一道赞颂一样。散发出淡淡的苹果花香。康妮为克利福德采下几朵。 He took them and looked at them curiously. 他接到手中,好奇地盯着看。 "Thou still unravished bride of quietness," he quoted. "It seems to fit flowers so much better than Greek vases." "Ravished is such a horrid word!" she said. "It's only people who ravish things.” "Oh, I don't know...snails and things," he said. “你这未被玷污的温婉新娘。”他又吟诵出济慈的名句。(注:引自英国诗人济慈的名诗《希腊古瓮颂》)“这句诗用来形容鲜花,远比比喻希腊古瓶恰当。”“玷污是个可怕的词汇!”她说。“只有人类才会如此龌龊。”“哦,我搞不清楚……蜗牛之类的东西。”他说。 "Even snails only eat them, and bees don't ravish.” She was angry with him, turning everything into words. Violets were Juno's eyelids, and windflowers were on ravished brides. How she hated words, always coming between her and life: they did the ravishing, if anything did: ready-made words and phrases, sucking all the life-sap out of living things. “蜗牛只是贪嘴,蜜蜂不行奸污。”她讨厌他把所有事物都付诸诗句。紫罗兰是朱诺的眼睑,银莲花是未被玷污的新娘。她对这些陈词滥调深恶痛绝,它们总是将她与生命分隔开来。若论玷污,正是这些现成的词句玷污了一切,它们吸干了天地万物的生命精华。 The walk with Clifford was not quite a success. Between him and Connie there was a tension that each pretended not to notice, but there it was. Suddenly, with all the force of her female instinct, she was shoving him off. She wanted to be clear of him, and especially of his consciousness, his words, his obsession with himself, his endless treadmill obsession with himself, and his own words. 和克利福德的这次散步有些扫兴。他和康妮之间弥漫着剑拔弩张的气氛,虽然两人都故作不知,但其存在却无法回避。突然间,她想聚集所有女性的本能力量,将他推开。她要与他划清界限,尤其是要摆脱他的意识,他的词句,他的自恋,他无始无终的自恋,还有对华丽辞藻的痴迷。 The weather came rainy again. But after a day or two she went out in the rain, and she went to the wood. And once there, she went towards the hut. It was raining, but not so cold, and the wood felt so silent and remote, inaccessible in the dusk of rain. 天又下起雨来。但一两天后,她冒雨出门,直奔树林深处。一踏入树林,她就往小屋走去。虽然雨尚未停歇,但气温并不低,在雨幕的掩映下,树林显得那样静默孤傲,那样遥不可及。 She came to the clearing. No one there! The hut was locked. But she sat on the log doorstep, under the rustic porch, and snuggled into her own warmth. So she sat, looking at the rain, listening to the many noiseless noises of it, and to the strange soughings of wind in upper branches, when there seemed to be no wind. Old oak-trees stood around, grey, powerful trunks, rain-blackened, round and vital, throwing off reckless limbs. The ground was fairly free of undergrowth, the anemones sprinkled, there was a bush or two, elder, or guelder-rose, and a purplish tangle of bramble: the old russet of bracken almost vanished under green anemone ruffs. Perhaps this was one of the unravished places. Unravished! The whole world was ravished. 她来到那片空地。没人!屋门紧锁。她在门前的圆木台阶上坐定,蜷缩起身体来取暖,粗木门廊遮住雨水。她就那样坐着,凝望着霏霏细雨,聆听着那似有却无的淅沥声,风儿掠过树梢发出的飒飒声,但却又感觉好像没有一丝风。四周为古老的橡树所环绕,那遒劲的灰色树干被雨水浸成黑色,浑圆而充满生命力,向四面八方生发出无数枝干。地面上几乎见不到灌木的影子,银莲花星星点点,还有一两株矮树,分辨不出是接骨木或者绣球花,以及一丛淡紫色的荆棘。在银莲花绿色皱领的遮蔽下,黄褐色的蕨草几乎看不到踪影。或许这里就是未被玷污的净土。未被玷污!整个世界都无法幸免。 Some things can't be ravished. You can't ravish a tin of sardines. And so many women are like that; and men. But the earth...! 有些东西无法被玷污。你总不能去玷污一听沙丁鱼罐头。还有许多好似沙丁鱼的男男女女们。但是大地却……! The rain was abating. It was hardly making darkness among the oaks any more. Connie wanted to go; yet she sat on. But she was getting cold; yet the overwhelming inertia of her inner resentment kept her there as if paralysed. 雨势减缓。橡树林渐渐变得明亮起来。康妮想要回去,但却依然稳坐。但她觉得越来越冷,因内心的愤懑而产生的惰性压倒一切,让她坐在原地,动弹不得,好像瘫痪一般。 Ravished! How ravished one could be without ever being touched. Ravished by dead words become obscene, and dead ideas become obsessions. 被玷污!在未被触碰的情况下,如何能被玷污呢?罪魁祸首是那些猥亵不堪的陈词滥调,还有那些使人痴罔的迂腐观念。 A wet brown dog came running and did not bark, lifting a wet feather of a tail. The man followed in a wet black oilskin jacket, like a chauffeur, and face flushed a little. She felt him recoil in his quick walk, when he saw her. She stood up in the handbreadth of dryness under the rustic porch. He saluted without speaking, coming slowly near. She began to withdraw. 一只棕色的猎犬跑过来,全身湿淋淋的,它没叫,只是竖着湿尾巴。守林人跟在后面,身上的黑油布外衣沾满雨水,看上去像个司机,脸微微泛红。她发觉他看到自己时,快速的脚步略有放缓。她站起身,立在粗制门廊下那巴掌大小的干地方。他行了礼,但却没有做声,只是慢慢走近。她开始后退。 "I'm just going," she said. “我正打算走。”她说。 "Was yer waitin' to get in?" he asked, looking at the hut, not at her. “恁等着进屋呢?”他问道,视线投向小屋,而没有看她。 "No, I only sat a few minutes in the shelter," she said, with quiet dignity. “不,我只是坐在这里避会儿雨。”她轻声说,语调沉稳,不卑不亢。 He looked at her. She looked cold. 他看着她。她似乎很冷。 "Sir Clifford 'and't got no other key then?" he asked. “克利福德爵士没有备用钥匙?”他问。 "No, but it doesn't matter. I can sit perfectly dry under this porch. Good afternoon!” She hated the excess of vernacular in his speech. “是的,不过没关系。我坐在门廊下照样可以避雨。再见!”她不愿听到他没完没了的土话。 He watched her closely, as she was moving away. Then he hitched up his jacket, and put his hand in his breeches pocket, taking out the key of the hut. 她向外走,他则紧盯着她。接着,他掀起外衣,把手伸进裤兜,拿出小屋的钥匙。 "'Appen yer'd better 'ave this key, an'Ah min fend for t'bods some other road.” She looked at him. “钥匙还是恁收着吧,俺换个地方养鸡就成。”她回望他。 "What do you mean?" she asked. "I mean as'appen Ah can find anuther pleece as'll du for rearin' th'pheasants. If yer want ter be 'ere, yo'll non want me messin'abaht a'th'time.’ She looked at him, getting his meaning through the fog of the dialect. “你说这话什么意思?”她问。“俺是说另找个地儿养鸡。要是恁在这儿歇脚,肯定不想俺来添乱。”她看着他,从那云山雾罩的土语中,分辨出他的意思。 "Why don't you speak ordinary English?" she said coldly. “你为何不说标准英语?”她冷冷地问。 "Me! Ah thowt it WOR ordinary." She was silent for a few moments in anger. “俺!俺以为自个儿说的就是呢。”她气得半晌没说出话来。 "So if yer want t'key, yer'd better tacit. Or 'appen Ah'd better gi'e 't yer termorrer, an'clear all t'stuff aht fust. Would that du for yer?” She became more angry. “恁想要钥匙,拿走好了。或者俺明天给恁,容俺先把这儿拾掇拾掇。恁看成不?”她更生气了。 "I didn't want your key," she said. "I don't want you to clear anything out at all. I don't in the least want to turn you out of your hut, thank you! I only wanted to be able to sit here sometimes, like today. But I can sit perfectly well under the porch, so please say no more about it.” He looked at her again, with his wicked blue eyes. “我不要你的钥匙。”她说。“也没想过让你收拾东西。我从没想要把你从这里赶走,谢谢你的好意!我只是想能偶尔过来坐坐,就像今天一样。可坐在门廊下,我同样可以怡然自得,所以,请你不要再说下去。”他那两只顽皮的蓝眼睛再度望向她。 "Why," he began, in the broad slow dialect. "Your Ladyship's as welcome as Christmas ter th' hut an' th' key an'iverythink as is. On'y this time O' th' year ther's bods ter set, an' Ah've got ter be potterin' abaht a good bit, seein' after 'em, an' a’. Winter time Ah ned 'ardly come nigh th'pleece. But what wi'spring, an'Sir Clifford wantin'ter start th'pheasants… An'your Ladyship'd non want me tinkerin'around an'about when she was 'ere, all the time.” She listened with a dim kind of amazement. “呃,”他那缓慢浓重的土腔再度登场,“夫人大驾光临,理应受到圣诞节般的欢迎,小屋也罢,钥匙也罢,所有的一切都是恁的。只不过,这时节适合饲养野鸡,俺得忙这忙那,把它们照料得妥妥当当。入冬以后,俺就很少来这儿了。可等到春暖花开,克利福德爵士会在让俺养窝野鸡……夫人来这里散心,自然不会愿意看到俺摇来晃去。”她听完,心里暗暗吃惊。 "Why should I mind your being here?" she asked. “你在这里干活,又碍着我什么呢?”她问。 He looked at her curiously. 他望着她,表情古怪。 "T'nuisance on me!" he said briefly, but significantly. She flushed. "Very well!" she said finally. "I won't trouble you. But I don't think I should have minded at all sitting and seeing you look after the birds. I should have liked it. But since you think it interferes with you, I won't disturb you, don't be afraid. You are Sir Clifford's keeper, not mine.” The phrase sounded queer, she didn't know why. But she let it pass. “俺觉得自己碍事!”他的回答简练,但却意味深长。她的脸泛起红潮。“好吧!”她最后说。“我不会打搅你。但我并不介意坐在这里,看你伺弄野鸡。我反倒喜欢这样。可既然你认为这会干扰到你,我会尽量不妨碍你干活,请不必担心。雇佣你做守林人的,是克利福德爵士,而不是我。”她也不晓得自己为何一反常态,说出这样一番言论。但她已经顾不得多做思考。 "Nay, your Ladyship. It's your Ladyship's own'ut. It's as your Ladyship likes an'pleases, every time. Yer can turn me off at a wik's notice. It wor only...” "Only what?" she asked, baffled. “别介,夫人。这小屋本就归夫人所有。夫人喜欢何时光临都没问题。恁大可提前一周通知我卷铺盖走人。只不过……”“不过什么?”她不明其意,问道。 He pushed back his hat in an odd comic way. 他把帽子往后推推,动作颇为滑稽。 "On'y as 'appen yo'd like the place ter yersen, when yer did come, an'not me messin'abaht.” "But why?" she said, angry. "Aren't you a civilized human being? Do you think I ought to be afraid of you? Why should I take any notice of you and your being here or not? Why is it important?” He looked at her, all his face glimmering with wicked laughter. “只不过,恁完全可以要求独占这里,来的时候,也不必忍受俺这个碍眼的家伙。”“可为什么呢?”她气冲冲地问。“难道你是个野人不成?你认为我应该怕你?为什么我要留意你,理会你在或不在?这有什么要紧的吗?”他望着她,脸上闪过狡黠的笑容。 "It's not, your Ladyship. Not in the very least," he said. “当然没有,夫人。没什么要紧的。”他说。 "Well, why then?" she asked. “既然如此,原因又是什么呢?”她问。 "Shall I get your Ladyship another key then?" "No thank you! I don't want it.” "Ah'll get it anyhow. We'd best 'ave two keys ter th'place.” "And I consider you are insolent," said Connie, with her colour up, panting a little. “那我再帮夫人您配把钥匙怎样?”“不用,谢谢!我不想要。”“不管怎地,俺还是得去配把。两把钥匙毕竟方便些。”“依我看,你是个傲慢无礼的家伙。”康妮的脸变得更红,气喘吁吁地说。 "Nay, nay!" he said quickly. "Dunna yer say that! Nay, nay! I niver meant nuthink. Ah on'y thought as if yo'come'ere, Ah s'd ave ter clear out, an'it'd mean a lot of work, settin'up somewheres else. But if your Ladyship isn't going ter take no notice O'me, then...it's Sir Clifford's 'ut, an'everythink is as your Ladyship likes, everythink is as your Ladyship likes an'pleases, barrin'yer take no notice O'me, doin'th'bits of jobs as Ah've got ter do.” Connie went away completely bewildered. She was not sure whether she had been insulted and mortally offended, or not. Perhaps the man really only meant what he said; that he thought she would expect him to keep away. As if she would dream of it! And as if he could possibly be so important, he and his stupid presence. “别介,别介!”他连忙辩解。“可别那么说!别介,别介!俺从没恶意。俺只是想,如果恁来这里,俺就得拾掇东西,另找地场儿养鸡,那可要费不少事呢。可要是夫人恁不理会我,那么……这毕竟是克利福德爵士的小屋,夫人大可以随心所欲调配一切,只要俺在这里做活的时候,恁不用搭理俺就行。”康妮离开时,感到晕头晕脑。她也搞不清,到底这家伙是否冒犯到自己。或许他只是实话实说,他只是认为她会希望他躲得远远的。好像她做梦都想那样做似的!好像他就真的那么要紧,那个呆头呆脑的家伙。 She went home in confusion, not knowing what she thought or felt. 她稀里糊涂地往回走,不晓得自己在想些什么,感觉到些什么。 第九章 Connie was surprised at her own feeling of aversion from Clifford. What is more, she felt she had always really disliked him. Not hate: there was no passion in it. But a profound physical dislike. Almost, it seemed to her, she had married him because she disliked him, in a secret, physical sort of way. But of course, she had married him really because in a mental way he attracted her and excited her. He had seemed, in some way, her master, beyond her. 康妮对克利福德的厌恶与日俱增,这使她惊讶不已。更有甚者,她发觉自己压根没有喜欢过他。那并非憎恨,只是缺乏激情。在肉体的层面,对他深恶痛绝。甚至她觉得自己嫁给他,正是因为厌恶他,在肉体的维度,秘而不宣地厌恶他。当然,她与他缔结连理,确实是因为他能在精神上吸引她,振奋她。在某种程度上,他似乎扮演着她的支配者的角色。 Now the mental excitement had worn itself out and collapsed, and she was aware only of the physical aversion. It rose up in her from her depths: and she realized how it had been eating her life away. 如今,精神愉悦已经消耗殆尽,土崩瓦解,她只能感觉到肉体的反感。这种感觉源自内心深处,她体验到自己的生命逐渐被蚕食。 She felt weak and utterly forlorn. She wished some help would come from outside. But in the whole world there was no help. Society was terrible because it was insane. Civilized society is insane. Money and so-called love are its two great manias; money a long way first. The individual asserts himself in his disconnected insanity in these two modes: money and love. Look at Michaelis! His life and activity were just insanity. His love was a sort of insanity. 她觉得虚弱无力,极为绝望无依。她盼着能得到他人的帮助。但整个世界都没人施以援手。这个疯狂的社会变得不可救药。文明社会陷入癫狂。金钱和虚伪的爱情,是人类狂热追求的两大目标,而金钱则扮演着更为重要的角色。每个人都在追爱逐利的不同道路上争先恐后,疯狂到不能自持的地步。米凯利斯就是个活生生的例子!他的生活与行为都只能用疯癫来界定。他的爱情都有几分疯气。 And Clifford the same. All that talk! All that writing! All that wild struggling to push himself forwards! It was just insanity. And it was getting worse, really maniacal. 克利福德也是一丘之貉。所有的空谈!所有的作品!所有为争名逐利而做出的狂乱举动!都不过是疯癫的表现。甚至变本加厉,变得无药可医。 Connie felt washed-out with fear. But at least, Clifford was shifting his grip from her on to Mrs. Bolton. He did not know it. Like many insane people, his insanity might be measured by the things he was not aware of the great desert tracts in his consciousness. 恐惧让康妮感觉精疲力竭。但至少,克利福德正将束缚从她那里移开,转嫁到博尔顿太太身上。他对此毫无觉察。像许多疯子一样,从他意识领域缺失的部分,便可判断出其癫狂的程度,那是他精神世界的无垠荒漠。 Mrs. Bolton was admirable in many ways. But she had that queer sort of bossiness, endless assertion of her own will, which is one of the signs of insanity in modern woman. She thought she was utterly subservient and living for others. Clifford fascinated her because he always, or so often, frustrated her will, as if by a finer instinct. He had a finer, subtler will of self-assertion than herself. This was his charm for her. 在许多方面,博尔顿太太确实值得赞赏。但她却有种无端的控制欲,总愿意阐明自己的主张,这恰恰是现代女性疯癫的表现之一。她认为自己无比恭顺,处处先人后己。克利福德让她意乱情迷,因为他似乎总能,或者说常能发挥更加敏锐的直觉,使她屈从于自己的意志。他比她更加固执己见,独断专行。而这也正是他吸引她的地方。 Perhaps that had been his charm, too, for Connie. 或许这也曾是他令康妮为之着迷的地方。 "It's a lovely day, today!” Mrs. Bolton would say in her caressive, persuasive voice. "I should think you'd enjoy a little run in your chair today, the sun's just lovely.” "Yes? Will you give me that book—there, that yellow one. And I think I'll have those hyacinths taken out.” "Why they're so beautiful! " She pronounced it with the "y" sound: be-yutiful! "And the scent is simply gorgeous." "The scent is what I object to," he said. "It's a little funereal.” "Do you think so!" she exclaimed in surprise, just a little offended, but impressed. And she carried the hyacinths out of the room, impressed by his higher fastidiousness. “今天天气多棒呀!”博尔顿太太的口吻极为亲昵,循循善诱。“依我看,您不妨驾着轮椅,出去兜上一小圈,太阳如此明媚。”“是么?把那本书递给我——那儿,那本黄色封皮的。把那些风信子拿出去。”“为什么?它们那样美丽!”她的发音并不规范,总是把美丽念成“米丽”。“那香味更是让人心醉。”“我讨厌的就是那味道。”他说。“感觉好像置身葬礼现场。”“您这样认为呀!”她惊讶地感叹道,虽然有些不悦,但也只能按照吩咐行事。她把风信子拿出房间,对爵爷的吹毛求疵深有感触。 "Shall I shave you this morning, or would you rather do it yourself?" Always the same soft, caressive, subservient, yet managing voice. “今天早上,我来给您刮脸?还是您亲自动手?”语气依然轻柔亲切,恭敬顺服,但又力争将局势控制在可掌控的范围内。 "I don't know. Do you mind waiting a while. I'll ring when I'm ready.” "Very good, Sir Clifford!" she replied, so soft and submissive, withdrawing quietly. But every rebuff stored up new energy of will in her. “我不知道。再等会儿可以吗?我做好准备,就按铃通知你。”“遵命,克利福德爵士!”她应道,语调温柔婉转,毕恭毕敬,然后悄无声息地退出房间。但每次碰壁都会使她的意志有所增强。 When he rang, after a time, she would appear at once. And then he would say: "I think I'd rather you shaved me this morning.” Her heart gave a little thrill, and she replied with extra softness: "Very good, Sir Clifford!" She was very deft, with a soft, lingering touch, a little slow. At first he had resented the infinitely soft touch of her lingers on his face. But now he liked it, with a growing voluptuousness. He let her shave him nearly every day: her face near his, her eyes so very concentrated, watching that she did it right. And gradually her fingertips knew his cheeks and lips, his jaw and chin and throat perfectly. He was well-fed and well-liking, his face and throat were handsome enough and he was a gentleman. 少顷,他按铃示意,她立马就位。接下来,他便发号施令:“今天还是你来帮我刮脸为好。”她的心房微微震颤,更为轻声细语地答道:“遵命,克利福德爵士!”她的动作敏捷熟练,触碰轻柔缠绵,稍显缓慢。起初,他很反感她的手指在自己脸上没完没了的抚触。但现在,他却陶醉其中,享受着日益增强的快感。他几乎每天都让她给自己刮脸,两人的脸庞贴得很近,她总是聚精会神,生怕哪里出了岔子。渐渐地,她的指尖彻底熟悉了他的脸颊、他的双唇、他的下颚以及脖项。他养尊处优,红光满面,脸孔和脖项也算得标致,是位地道的贵族。 She was handsome too, pale, her face rather long and absolutely still, her eyes bright, but revealing nothing. Gradually, with infinite softness, almost with love, she was getting him by the throat, and he was yielding to her. 而她也生得很是端庄,洁白的面孔稍长,显得极为沉静,双目炯炯有神,但却不动声色。渐渐地,她用无尽的柔情,近似于爱的温情,牢牢扼住他的喉咙,使他听命于自己。 She now did almost everything for him, and he felt more at home with her, less ashamed of accepting her menial offices, than with Connie. She liked handling him. She loved having his body in her charge, absolutely, to the last menial offices. She said to Connie one day: "All men are babies, when you come to the bottom of them. Why, I've handled some of the toughest customers as ever went down Tevershall pit. But let anything ail them so that you have to do for them, and they're babies, just big babies. Oh, there's not much difference in men!” At first Mrs. Bolton had thought there really was something different in a gentleman, a real gentleman, like Sir Clifford. So Clifford had got a good start of her. But gradually, as she came to the bottom of him, to use her own term, she found he was like the rest, a baby grown to man's proportions: but a baby with a queer temper and a fine manner and power in its control, and all sorts of odd knowledge that she had never dreamed of, with which he could still bully her. 她几乎帮他打理一切,有她相伴,克利福德觉得更加轻松自在,甚至胜过与康妮相处,可以心安理得地接受她的服侍。她也愿意为他效劳。她热衷于掌控他的身体,甚至为他做最为卑下的服务。有一天,她对康妮说:“所有男人都与婴儿无异,关键是要清楚他们内心的想法。哦,我照料过特弗沙尔矿场最凶悍的矿工。但当遭遇伤痛,需要别人照顾时,他们就会变成婴儿,只是心智成熟的婴儿。噢,男人大抵都是如此!”起先,博尔顿太太以为贵族会与众不同,尤其是像克利福德爵爷这样真正的贵族。因此,才会被克利福德占得先手。但时间一久,她深谙他的脾气秉性,用她自己的话来讲,她发现他跟其他男人没什么两样,虽已长大成人,但本质上仍是个婴孩。只不过这个婴孩脾气性格怪异,举止文雅,手握权柄,懂得各种各样稀奇古怪的知识,她想都未曾想过,仅是这些仍足以让她自惭形秽。 Connie was sometimes tempted to say to him: "For God's sake, don't sink so horribly into the hands of that woman!” But she found she didn't care for him enough to say it, in the long run. 有时候,康妮很想对他说:“看在上帝的份上,千万别被那女人玩弄于股掌!”但她还是没有说出口,因为她发觉,从长远考虑,自己并不太在乎他会怎样。 It was still their habit to spend the evening together, till ten o'clock. Then they would talk, or read together, or go over his manuscript. But the thrill had gone out of it. She was bored by his manuscripts. But she still dutifully typed them out for him. But in time Mrs. Bolton would do even that. 不过,他俩还是照老习惯,每晚一起呆到十点。在那段时间,他们仍会交谈,品读书籍,不然就是校对手稿。但兴致早已荡然无存。他的书稿让她感到厌倦。但她还是尽职尽责,帮他完成打字的工作。但终有一天,这项任务也会由博尔顿太太接手。 For Connie had suggested to Mrs. Bolton that she should learn to use a typewriter. And Mrs. Bolton, always ready, had begun at once, and practised assiduously. So now Clifford would sometimes dictate a letter to her, and she would take it down rather slowly, but correctly. And he was very patient, spelling for her the difficult words, or the occasional phrases in French. She was so thrilled, it was almost a pleasure to instruct her. 因为康妮提议博尔顿太太学习打字。而博尔顿太太保持着时刻待命的作风,立刻投入练习,态度极为勤勉。于是,现在克利福德有时会口述信件给她听,虽然她敲字的速度慢得要命,但从不会犯错。而他也显得很有耐心,每逢生僻单词,或者偶尔的法语词句,都会逐字母地拼读出来。她总是兴致勃勃,因此教导她几乎可说是件乐事。 Now Connie would sometimes plead a headache as an excuse for going up to her room after dinner. 现在,晚饭过后,康妮有时会借口头疼,上楼回到自己的房间。 "Perhaps Mrs. Bolton will play piquet with you," she said to Clifford. “博尔顿太太会陪你打皮克牌(注:一种两人玩的纸牌游戏)。”她对克利福德说。 "Oh, I shall be perfectly all right. You go to your own room and rest, darling." But no sooner had she gone, than he rang for Mrs. Bolton, and asked her to take a hand at piquet or bezique, or even chess. He had taught her all these games. And Connie found it curiously objectionable to see Mrs. Bolton, flushed and tremulous like a little girl, touching her queen or her knight with uncertain fingers, then drawing away again. And Clifford, faintly smiling with a half-teasing superiority, saying to her: "You must say j'adoube!" “我会好好照顾自己。你回房休息去吧,亲爱的。”但她前脚刚走,他会立马按铃,把博尔顿太太唤来,一起打皮克牌或者波齐克牌(注:一种两人或四人玩的纸牌游戏),甚至是下象棋。他教会她所有诸如此类的游戏。而博尔顿太太总是面色绯红,小女孩似的战战兢兢,犹豫不决地摩挲着自己的后或者马,然后又抽回手来。这样的场面让康妮感到莫名的反感。而克利福德则面露微笑,洋洋自得,用略带嘲弄的口吻,对博尔顿太太说:“你得说,我还需斟酌!” She looked up at him with bright, startled eyes, then murmured shyly, obediently: "J'adoube!” Yes, he was educating her. And he enjoyed it, it gave him a sense of power. And she was thrilled. She was coming bit by bit into possession of all that the gentry knew, all that made them upper class: apart from the money. That thrilled her. And at the same time, she was making him want to have her there with him. It was a subtle deep flattery to him, her genuine thrill. 她抬头看着他,明亮的双眼里写满惊讶,接着羞答答地照办,低声说:“我还需斟酌!”没错,他在调教她。他乐此不疲,从中体验到某种权力感。而她更是激动不已。她正逐步掌握贵族们才懂的东西,具备那些足以跻身上流社会的品质,当然金钱并不包括在内。这令他为之迷醉。而且,她渐渐使克利福德感觉离不开自己。她的整个身心都陶醉其中,这对他而言,是种无法言喻的恭维。 To Connie, Clifford seemed to be coming out in his true colours: a little vulgar, a little common, and uninspired; rather fat. Ivy Bolton's tricks and humble bossiness were also only too transparent. But Connie did wonder at the genuine thrill which the woman got out of Clifford. To say she was in love with him would be putting it wrongly. She was thrilled by her contact with a man of the upper class, this titled gentleman, this author who could write books and poems, and whose photograph appeared in the illustrated newspapers. She was thrilled to a weird passion. And his "educating" her roused in her a passion of excitement and response much deeper than any love affair could have done. In truth, the very fact that there could be no love affair left her free to thrill to her very marrow with this other passion, the peculiar passion of knowing, knowing as he knew. 在康妮看来,克利福德正慢慢露出本来面目:庸俗不堪,平淡无奇,单调乏味,笨头笨脑。艾维·博尔顿的鬼把戏,还有那故作恭顺实作威福的态度,都太过明显。但她居然为克利福德意乱情迷,也让康妮大为不解。若说她堕入情网,确实过于牵强。她之所以激动,是因为有幸常伴克利福德左右,而他含着金汤匙出生,拥有从男爵头衔,擅长舞文弄墨,照片更是屡在报上刊登。她心醉不已,无法理解的热情才应运而生。他的调教,将她的热情彻底激发出来,让她更加积极地做出回应,其效果较爱情尤甚。实际上,正是不担心萌发恋情,使她可以忘我地投入到别样的热情中去,这种热情源自求知欲,渴望像他那样博古通今。 There was no mistake that the woman was in some way in love with him: whatever force we give to the word love. She looked so handsome and so young, and her grey eyes were sometimes marvellous. At the same time, there was a lurking soft satisfaction about her, even of triumph, and private satisfaction. Ugh, that private satisfaction. How Connie loathed it! 从某种角度来讲,这女人确实爱上了克利福德,无论我们赋予“爱”字怎样的含义。她面容娇好,青春未逝,灰白色的双眸有时倒也神采奕奕。同时,隐约可见的满足神情在她脸上闪现,志得意满,欲盖弥彰。唷,那欲盖弥彰的满足感。康妮真是腻歪透了! But no wonder Clifford was caught by the woman! She absolutely adored him, in her persistent fashion, and put herself absolutely at his service, for him to use as he liked. No wonder he was flattered! 不过,克利福德被那女人俘获,倒也不足为奇!她对他的崇拜达到无以附加的程度,没有片刻懈怠,没有半点杂念,只愿服侍他,任他随意差遣。难怪他会有飘飘然的感觉! Connie heard long conversations going on between the two. Or rather, it bas mostly Mrs. Bolton talking. She had unloosed to him the stream of gossip about Tevershall village. It was more than gossip. It was Mrs. Gaskell and George Eliot and Miss Mitford all rolled in one, with a great deal more, that these women left out." Once started, Mrs. Bolton was better than any book, about the lives of the people. She knew them all so intimately, and had such a peculiar, flamey zest in all their affairs, it was wonderful, if just a trifle humiliating to listen to her. At first she had not ventured to "talk Tevershall", as she called it, to Clifford. But once started, it went on. Clifford was listening for "material", and he found it in plenty. Connie realized that his so-called genius was just this: a perspicuous talent for personal gossip, clever and apparently detached. Mrs. Bolton, of course, was very warm when she "talked Tevershall". Carried away, in fact. And it was marvellous, the things that happened and that she knew about. She would have run to dozens of volumes. 康妮曾听过他俩间的长谈。或者说,那基本上是博尔顿太太的个人演说。她将特弗沙尔村的家长里短,向克利福德和盘托出。甚至超越流言蜚语的范畴。张家长,李家短,周家的孩子四只眼。博尔顿太太打开话匣子,讲起街坊四邻的日常琐事,远比小说精彩得多。她对其中的主人公再熟悉不过,对他们那些鸡毛蒜皮的俗事饶有兴致,听她滔滔不绝,也觉不乏精彩之处,但仍不免感到低俗庸陋。起初,她还不敢在克利福德面前“大话特弗沙尔”——她这样称呼自己的闲扯。但话锋一起,便收声不住。克利福德听她东拉西扯,为的是搜集素材,也发觉其中可用的确实不少。康妮终于认清,他所谓的天赋不过尔尔,通晓借用坊间传闻之道,加以理解吸收,但却装出置身事外的超然态度。当然,博尔顿太太“大话特弗沙尔”时,总是热情高涨。甚至激动得难以自持。村里发生的事,她所知晓的事,都确实令人赞叹。写上十几部小说也绰绰有余。 Connie was fascinated, listening to her. But afterwards always a little ashamed. She ought not to listen with this queer rabid curiosity. After all, one may hear the most private affairs of other people, but only in a spirit of respect for the struggling, battered thing which any human soul is, and in a spirit of fine, discriminative sympathy. For even satire is a form of sympathy. It is the way our sympathy flows and recoils that really determines our lives. And here lies the vast importance of the novel, properly handled. It can inform and lead into new places the flow of our sympathetic consciousness, and it can lead our sympathy away in recoil from things gone dead. Therefore, the novel, properly handled, can reveal the most secret places of life: for it is in the PASSIONAL secret places of life, above all, that the tide of sensitive awareness needs to ebb and flow, cleansing and freshening. 康妮也乐得听她天南海北。但过后总觉得有些羞愧。她不该对这些闲言闲语充满好奇。毕竟,或许倾听他人的家常私务无伤大雅,但至少应该对那些痛苦挣扎、受尽煎熬的灵魂报以尊重,怀有深切的同情,且能够明辨是非。就算讽刺也是同情的一种形式。我们的同情心就这样时进时退,真切地决定着生活的走向。如果掌握得当,小说的重要性也正在于此。它能够娓娓道来,将我们同情的意识洪流引向从未到过的地方,适时后退,远离那些僵化腐朽的东西。因此,铺排精巧的小说能揭示出生命最隐秘的所在,因为越是这些不为人知的情感密境,越需要敏感的意识波涛时起时落,扬清激浊。 But the novel, like gossip, can also excite spurious sympathies and recoils, mechanical and deadening to the psyche. The novel can glorify the most corrupt feelings, so long as they are conventionally "pure". Then the novel, like gossip, becomes at last vicious, and, like gossip, all the more vicious because it is always ostensibly on the side of the angels. Mrs. Bolton's gossip was always on the side of the angels. "And he was such a bad fellow, and she was such a nice woman." Whereas, as Connie could see even from Mrs. Bolton's gossip, the woman had been merely a mealy-mouthed sort, and the man angrily honest. But angry honesty made a "bad man' of him, and mealy-mouthedness made a "nice woman' of her, in the vicious, conventional channelling of sympathy by Mrs. Bolton. 但小说也会引发虚假的同情和反应,让心灵变得呆板,活力尽失,这点跟闲言闲语无异。小说能将世间最低劣的情感吹捧得无比美好,只要传统观念给它们贴上“纯洁”的标签。跟风言风语一样,小说最终也堕入罪恶的深渊,跟风言风语一样,它永世无法自拔,因为表面上总是显得完美无缺。博尔顿太太就总是以道德评判者自居。“他是个坏家伙,而她却是位好女人。”然而,甚至通过博尔顿太太的闲话,康妮就能分辨出,那女人总是口不对心,而那男人反倒是嘴硬心软。但在传统道德的框范下,按照自己的同情心来衡量,博尔顿太太将嘴硬心软者斥为恶人,而把口不应心者视为好人。 For this reason, the gossip was humiliating. And for the same reason, most novels, especially popular ones, are humiliating too. The public responds now only to an appeal to its vices. 正因为此,蜚短流长本就是可耻的举动。同样因为此,大多数小说,尤其是那些时兴的作品,往往也是龌龊的。今时今日,只要能够迎合恶俗的兴趣,公众就会趋之若鹜。 Nevertheless, one got a new vision of Tevershall village from Mrs. Bolton's talk. A terrible, seething welter of ugly life it seemed: not at all the flat drabness it looked from outside. Clifford of course knew by sight most of the people mentioned, Connie knew only one or two. But it sounded really more like a Central African jungle than an English village. 尽管如此,从博尔顿太太的闲扯中,可以对特弗沙尔村有全新的认识。似乎丑陋的生活潜沸肆意奔腾翻涌,远非表面上看到的那样风平浪静。克利福德自然与其中绝大多数主人公曾经谋面,而康妮认识的却是寥寥。但这些事更像是发生在遥远的中非丛林,而不是大英帝国的村庄。 "I suppose you heard as Miss Allsopp was married last week! Would you ever! Miss Allsopp, old James' daughter, the boot-and-shoe Allsopp. You know they built a house up at Pye Croft. The old man died last year from a fall; eighty-three, he was, an' nimble as a lad. An' then he slipped on Bestwood Hill, on a slide as the lads 'ad made last winter, an' broke his thigh, and that finished him, poor old man, it did seem a shame. Well, he left all his money to Tattie: didn't leave the boys a penny. An' Tattie, I know, is five years—yes, she's fifty-three last autumn. And you know they were such Chapel people, my word! She taught Sunday school for thirty years, till her father died. And then she started carrying on with a fellow from Kinbrook, I don't know if you know him, an oldish fellow with a red nose, rather dandified, Willcock, as works in Harrison's woodyard. Well he's sixty-five, if he's a day, yet you'd have thought they were a pair of young turtle-doves, to see them, arm in arm, and kissing at the gate: yes, an' she sitting on his knee right in the bay window on Pye Croft Road, for anybody to see. And he's got sons over forty: only lost his wife two years ago. If old James Allsopp hasn't risen from his grave, it's because there is no rising: for he kept her that strict! Now they're married and gone to live down at Kinbrook, and they say she goes round in a dressing-gown from morning to night, a veritable sight. I'm sure it's awful, the way the old ones go on! Why they're a lot worse than the young, and a sight more disgusting. I lay it down to the pictures, myself. But you can't keep them away. I was always saying: go to a good instructive film, but do for goodness sake keep away from these melodramas and love films. Anyhow keep the children away! But there you are, grown-ups are worse than the children: and the old ones beat the band. Talk about morality! Nobody cares a thing. Folks does as they like, and much better off they are for it, I must say. But they're having to draw their horns in nowadays, now th' pits are working so bad, and they haven't got the money. And the grumbling they do, it's awful, especially the women. The men are so good and patient! What can they do, poor chaps! But the women, oh, they do carry on! They go and show off, giving contributions for a wedding present for Princess Mary, and then when they see all the grand things that's been given, they simply rave: who's she, any better than anybody else! Why doesn't Swan & Edgar give me one fur coat, instead of giving her six. I wish I'd kept my ten shillings! What's she going to give me, I should like to know? Here I can't get a new spring coat, my dad's working that bad, and she gets van-loads. It's time as poor folks had some money to spend, rich ones 'as 'ad it long enough. I want a new spring coat, I do, an' wheer am I going to get it? I say to them, be thankful you're well fed and well clothed, without all the new finery you want! And they fly back at me: "Why isn't Princess Mary thankful to go about in her old rags, then, an' have nothing! Folks like her get van-loads, an' I can't have a new spring coat. It's a damned shame. Princess! Bloomin' rot about Princess! It's munney as matters, an' cos she's got lots, they give her more! Nobody's givin' me any, an' I've as much right as anybody else. Don't talk to me about education. It's munney as matters. I want a new spring coat, I do, an' I shan't get it, cos there's no munney…That's all they care about, clothes. They think nothing of giving seven or eight guineas for a winter coat—colliers" daughters, mind you—and two guineas for a child's summer hat. And then they go to the Primitive Chapel in their two-guinea hat, girls as would have been proud of a three-and-sixpenny one in my day. I heard that at the Primitive Methodist anniversary this year, when they have a built-up platform for the Sunday School children, like a grandstand going almost up to th' ceiling, I heard Miss Thompson, who has the first class of girls in the Sunday School, say there'd be over a thousand pounds in new Sunday clothes sitting on that platform! And times are what they are! But you can't stop them. They're mad for clothes. And boys the same. The lads spend every penny on themselves, clothes, smoking, drinking in the Miners" Welfare, jaunting off to Sheffield two or three times a week. Why, it's another world. And they fear nothing, and they respect nothing, the young don't. The older men are that patient and good, really, they let the women take everything. And this is what it leads to. The women are positive demons. But the lads aren't like their dads. They're sacrificing nothing, they aren't: they're all for self. If you tell them they ought to be putting a bit by, for a home, they say: That'll keep, that will, I'm goin' t' enjoy myself while I can. Owt else'll keep! Oh, they're rough an' selfish, if you like. Everything falls on the older men, an' it's a bad outlook all round.” Clifford began to get a new idea of his own village. The place had always frightened him, but he had thought it more or less stable. Now—? "Is there much Socialism, Bolshevism, among the people?" he asked. “我想,您准听说了,奥尔索普小姐上周出嫁的事。谁能想到呢!奥尔索普小姐,老鞋匠詹姆斯·奥尔索普的女儿。他们在派伊农场盖了栋房子。老人家去年摔死了,他虽然已经83岁高龄,但手脚却像小伙子那般利落。去年冬天,孩子们在贝斯特伍德山铺了条冰道,把老詹姆斯摔了个四脚朝天,大腿也折了,这要了他的命,可怜的老家伙,真是可惜呀。他把全部财产都留给了泰蒂,儿子们一毛钱也没得到。至于泰蒂,我可是了解的,比大我五年——去年秋天满53岁了。要知道,他们可都是虔诚的教徒。她在主日学校教书30年,直到父亲寿终正寝。那之后,她跟肯布鲁克来的某个家伙过从甚密,我不晓得您是否认识他,是个红鼻子老头,打扮得很是光鲜,名叫威尔科克,在哈里森木场干活。他得有65岁,或者更老些,可看到他俩勾肩搭背,甚至在大门口拥吻,准会觉得他们像对小情侣。真的,她坐在他腿上,通过正对着派伊农场公路的那扇凸窗,谁都可以看得清清楚楚。他几个儿子都40好几了,两年前刚刚丧妻。要是能的话,老詹姆斯·奥尔索普准会从坟墓里爬出来,他生前对女儿管教可严呢!现在,他俩结了婚,搬到肯布鲁克去了,据说她整天穿着睡衣四处闲逛,真是丢人现眼。一把年纪了,还不知廉耻,成何体统呀!为啥他们比年轻人更恶劣,更令人作呕呢。我认为都是电影惹的祸。可又不能不去看。我总在说,多看些具有教育意义的好影片,千万离剧情片和爱情片远些。无论如何也不能让孩子们看!但现实情况是,成年人比孩子更加不知自爱,老家伙的精力都过于充沛。说什么道德呀!没人在乎那玩意儿。没有道德的限制,人们大可以肆意妄为,我也只能这么说。不过,这阵子大伙儿都收敛许多,矿场不太景气,工人们都没钱挣。人人都怨声载道,尤其是婆娘们。男人们倒还好些,能忍耐得住。可他们还能怎么办呢,这些可怜的家伙!可妇女们可不理会,一个劲儿地瞎折腾!她们四处卖弄,还凑份子,给玛丽公主置办结婚礼物。后来,发现人家皇室的彩礼原来那么奢绮华贵,就都发起飙来:她算什么东西,哪里比俺们强呀!斯万·埃德加百货公司为何不送件貂皮大衣给俺,却要给她六件!真后悔当时掏了那十先令!俺倒想知道,她能回赠点什么?俺爹干活那么辛苦,俺连件新春装都买不起,而她的彩礼却车载斗量。穷百姓该搞些钱来花花了,富人们也享受得够可以了。俺想要件新春装,想得发疯,但上哪儿去弄呢?我劝她们,有饭充饥,有衣蔽体,就应该知足,那些光鲜亮丽的奢华衣装,要来也是无用!而她们则会反驳说:“要是公主穷困潦倒,终日破衣烂衫地四处晃,她难道会知足吗?她那样的贵族成车地收礼,而俺却连件春装都买不上。简直没天理呀。公主!腐朽堕落的公主!管用的还是钱,她的钱本就多得用不完,可人家还是不停给她送。俺跟别人有同样的权利,但就是没人给俺一个子儿。别扯什么教育。管用的还是钱。俺想要件新春装,想得要命,可就是搞不来,只是因为没有钱……她们心里只想着漂亮衣服。她们会花七八个畿尼买件大衣,连眼睛都不眨——要知道,她们可是穷矿工的女儿呀——给孩子买顶夏天戴的帽子,也要两个畿尼。然后,她们就会戴着那两畿尼买的帽子,去教堂礼拜,我年轻的时候,女孩们能花三先令六便士买顶帽子,就会恣得不行。听说今年循原会年会的时候,要给主日学校的孩子们搭个看台,几乎有天花板那么高。女一班的老师,汤普森小姐说,光是台子上学生们穿的新制服,就要花去1000多英镑!现在是什么光景呀!可就是无法阻止她们。这些婆娘都被衣装迷昏了头脑。男孩们也好不到哪里去。他们把所有钱都花在自己身上,买衣服,抽烟,在矿工之家狂饮,一个礼拜跑去谢菲尔德逛两三次。唉,世道变了。他们不知天高地厚,不懂思前虑后,现在的年轻人都是如此。而上年纪的男人们则更有耐心,又善解人意,乐得让婆娘们打理一切。而却换来这样的结果。女人们绝对是罪魁祸首。男孩们也赶不上父辈。他们从不愿付出,一心只为自己考虑。要是跟他们讲,应该攒点钱,将来好成家,他们便会说:那事儿又不着急,及时行乐最重要。这年头谁攒钱呀!噢,他们蛮不讲理,自私自利。什么事都要老一辈来承担,这样下去怎么能长久。”克利福德对本村的情况有了新的理解。虽然那地方常让他感到畏惧,但他曾认为村里基本还算稳定。可现在——?“村民里有社会主义者,或是布尔什维克吗?”他问。 "Oh!" said Mrs. Bolton, "you hear a few loud-mouthed ones. But they're mostly women who've got into debt. The men take no notice. I don't believe you'll ever turn our Tevershall men into reds. They're too decent for that. But the young ones blether sometimes. Not that they care for it really. They only want a bit of money in their pocket, to spend at the Welfare, or go gadding to Sheffield. That's all they care. When they've got no money, they'll listen to the reds spouting. But nobody believes in it, really.” "So you think there's no danger?” "Oh no! Not if trade was good, there wouldn't be. But if things were bad for a long spell, the young ones might go funny. I tell you, they're a selfish, spoilt lot. But I don't see how they'd ever do anything. They aren't ever serious about anything, except showing off on motor-bikes and dancing at the Palais-de-danse in Sheffield. You can't make them serious. The serious ones dress up in evening clothes and go off to the Pally to show off before a lot of girls and dance these new Charlestons and what not. I'm sure sometimes the bus'll be full of young fellows in evening suits, collier lads, off to the Pally: let alone those that have gone with their girls in motors or on motor-bikes. They don't give a serious thought to a thing—save Doncaster races, and the Derby: for they all of them bet on every race. And football! But even football's not what it was, not by a long chalk. It's too much like hard work, they say. No, they'd rather be off on motor-bikes to Sheffield or Nottingham, Saturday afternoons.” "But what do they do when they get there?" "Oh, hang around—and have tea in some fine tea-place like the Mikado—and go to the Pally or the pictures or the Empire, with some girl. The girls are as free as the lads. They do just what they like.” "And what do they do when they haven't the money for these things?” "They seem to get it, somehow. And they begin talking nasty then. But I don't see how you're going to get bolshevism, when all the lads want is just money to enjoy themselves, and the girls the same, with fine clothes: and they don't care about another thing. They haven't the brains to be socialists. They haven't enough seriousness to take anything really serious, and they never will have.” Connie thought, how extremely like all the rest of the classes the lower classes sounded. Just the same thing over again, Tevershall or Mayfair or Kensington. There was only one class nowadays: moneyboys. The moneyboy and the moneygirl, the only difference was how much you'd got, and how much you wanted. “啊!”博尔顿夫人说,“倒是听到有小撮人叫嚣过。但多是负债的婆娘们。男人们不关心这些。我不相信特弗沙尔会遍地红色。他们都太本分,闹不起革命。但年轻人有时也会信口开河。但他们并非真想造反。他们只希望兜里有俩钱,能去矿工之家喝杯小酒,或者去谢菲尔德找点乐子。他们在乎的只是这些。没钱的时候,他们才会去听革命党高谈阔论。不过,没人真正相信那些。”“那么说,依你看,不会有暴乱发生?”“噢,不会!只要能够维持生计,就不会有人闹事。但如果矿场的情况总不见好转,年轻人们或许会骚动。我跟您说,他们都是些自私自利的家伙,从小就被惯坏了。但依我看,他们闹不出什么动静。他们做什么事都吊儿郎当,只知道骑着摩托车四处招摇,或者是去谢菲尔德的舞厅狂欢。谁也无法让他们正经起来。正经点的只晓得穿上晚礼服,跑去舞厅在姑娘面前瞎晃,大跳新式查尔斯顿舞什么的。我相信,总有一天,公交车上会挤满这些身着晚礼服的年轻人,矿工的儿子们,为的是赶去舞厅泡妞,更不用说那些开车或者骑摩托载女友去耍的小子们。他们从未认真考虑过任何事——除了唐卡斯特和德比的赛马会,他们从来不会错过下注的机会。当然还有足球!但就连足球也不如往日那般火爆,比以前差得太远。他们说踢球就像做苦工。不,每周六下午,他们更愿意骑着摩托,去谢菲尔德或者诺丁汉厮混。”“他们去那儿做什么呢?”“哦,消磨时光——去帝王茶社这样的高档地方喝茶——带着马子,去舞厅、电影院或者帝国剧院。女孩们跟男孩一样无所顾忌。她们想干啥就干啥。”“可没钱做这些的时候,他们怎么办呢?”“他们也能得过且过。不过会骂骂脏话。男孩们只想有钱享乐,女孩们则追求漂亮衣装,他们对其他事情都漠不关心,所以不会跟布尔什维克有啥关联。他们没那个头脑,成不了社会主义者。他们不会认真地对待任何事,也永远无法正经起来。”听到这里,康妮想,底层阶级跟其他阶层真是如出一辙。无论是特弗沙尔、梅费尔或者肯辛顿,都没啥两样。如今只存在一个阶级,那就是拜金主义者。拜金男和拜金女,唯一的差别是你拥有多少钱,想得到多少钱。 Under Mrs. Bolton's influence, Clifford began to take a new interest in the mines. He began to feel he belonged. A new sort of self-assertion came into him. After all, he was the real boss in Tevershall, he was really the pits. It was a new sense of power, something he had till now shrunk from with dread. 受到博尔顿太太的影响,克利福德对煤矿生出新的兴趣。他渐渐找到某种归属感。新的雄心壮志油然而生。他毕竟是特弗沙尔真正的主人,矿场的存亡与他息息相关。他重新体验到大权在握的感觉,而之前,他曾对此权柄望而生畏。 Tevershall pits were running thin. There were only two collieries: Tevershall itself, and New London. Tevershall had once been a famous mine, and had made famous money. But its best days were over. New London was never very rich, and in ordinary times just got along decently. But now times were bad, and it was pits like New London that got left. 特弗沙尔地区的矿坑产量日减。还在经营的煤矿仅剩两处,除特弗沙尔之外,还有新伦敦。特弗沙尔煤矿也曾远近闻名,收益颇丰。但其巅峰时代已经逝去。新伦敦则从未有过好景气,平时也只是勉强维持而已。如今,大环境如此糟糕,新伦敦这样的煤矿迟早要关门大吉。 "There's a lot of Tevershall men left and gone to Stacks Gate and Whiteover," said Mrs. Bolton. "You've not seen the new works at Stacks Gate, opened after the war, have you, Sir Clifford? Oh, you must go one day, they're something quite new: great big chemical works at the pit-head, doesn't look a bit like a colliery. They say they get more money out of the chemical by-products than out of the coal—I forget what it is. And the grand new houses for the men, fair mansions! Of course it's brought a lot of riff-raff from all over the country. But a lot of Tevershall men got on there, and doin' well, a lot better than our own men. They say Tevershall's done, finished: only a question of a few more years, and it'll have to shut down. And New London'll go first. My word, won't it be funny when there's no Tevershall pit working. It's bad enough during a strike, but my word, if it closes for good, it'll be like the end of the world. Even when I was a girl it was the best pit in the country, and a man counted himself lucky if he could on here. Oh, there's been some money made in Tevershall. And now the men say it's a sinking ship, and it's time they all got out. Doesn't it sound awful! But of course there's a lot as'll never go till they have to. They don't like these new fangled mines, such a depth, and all machinery to work them. Some of them simply dreads those iron men, as they call them, those machines for hewing the coal, where men always did it before. And they say it's wasteful as well. But what goes in waste is saved in wages, and a lot more. It seems soon there'll be no use for men on the face of the earth, it'll be all machines. But they say that's what folks said when they had to give up the old stocking frames. I can remember one or two. But my word, the more machines, the more people, that's what it looks like! They say you can't get the same chemicals out of Tevershall coal as you can out of Stacks Gate, and that's funny, they're not three miles apart. But they say so. But everybody says it's a shame something can't be started, to keep the men going a bit better, and employ the girls. All the girls traipsing off to Sheffield every day! My word, it would be something to talk about if Tevershall Collieries took a new lease of life, after everybody saying they're finished, and a sinking ship, and the men ought to leave them like rats leave a sinking ship. But folks talk so much, of course there was a boom during the war. When Sir Geoffrey made a trust of himself and got the money safe for ever, somehow. So they say! But they say even the masters and the owners don't get much out of it now. You can hardly believe it, can you! Why I always thought the pits would go on for ever and ever. Who'd have thought, when I was a girl! But New England's shut down, so is Colwick Wood: yes, it's fair haunting to go through that coppy and see Colwick Wood standing there deserted among the trees, and bushes growing up all over the pit-head, and the lines red rusty. It's like death itself, a dead colliery. Why, whatever should we do if Tevershall shut down—? It doesn't bear thinking of. Always that throng it's been, except at strikes, and even then the fan-wheels didn't stand, except when they fetched the ponies up. I'm sure it's a funny world, you don't know where you are from year to year, you really don't.” It was Mrs. Bolton's talk that really put a new fight into Clifford. His income, as she pointed out to him, was secure, from his father's trust, even though it was not large. The pits did not really concern him. It was the other world he wanted to capture, the world of literature and fame; the popular world, not the working world. 博尔顿太太说:“许多矿工都离开特弗沙尔,去斯塔克斯门以及怀特沃尔谋生。”“您没见过斯塔克斯门战后新建的矿场吧,克利福德爵士?噢,有空您可得去看看,崭新崭新的,矿坑旁边是硕大的化工车间,看上去根本不像煤矿。据说,他们那里仅靠化工副产品,赚的钱就比煤炭还多——我记不得那产品的名字。矿工宿舍也是全新的,漂亮得很!四面八方的穷光蛋们自然聚集到那里。许多特弗沙尔的矿工也去了,而且混得还有模有样,比在咱这里强得多。他们都说特弗沙尔完蛋了,没希望了,唯一的悬念是再过几年,它才会关张。步新伦敦的后尘。天呢,特弗沙尔煤矿要真的不复存在,那可不是儿戏。罢工期间已经够惨的,要是煤矿真的歇菜,那还不跟世界末日似的。我小的时候,这里可是全国最棒的煤矿,能在特弗沙尔混碗饭吃,那可是几世修来的福分。啊,特弗沙尔赚过很多钱呢。可现在,大家都说它像条行将沉没的轮船,是时候另寻生路了。听着就让人心寒!当然,不到万不得已,很多人还是都不愿离开。他们不喜欢新式煤矿,深不见底,而且都是机器在干活。有些人对这些铁家伙——他们这样称呼那些机器——心怀畏惧,这些挖煤的机器代替了以往的人力。他们还说那是种浪费。花在机器上的钱,总要从矿工的工资那里省回来,而且省得还不少。似乎很快世界上将不再需要人力,所有的活都由机器代劳。但当年老式织袜机被淘汰时,大家也曾有过相似的抱怨。我记得自己曾经见过一两台呢。但随着机器数量的增加,所需要的人力也在攀升,这才是真正的状况。他们都说特弗沙尔的煤炭提炼出的化工产品,无法跟斯塔克斯门相提并论,那可真是滑稽,两家煤矿相距不过三里地。但他们就是这种论调。但大家都在抱怨,说应该采取些措施,改善矿工的生存条件,再雇些女工,不然就太不像话了。所有的姑娘整天跑去谢菲尔德闲逛!哎呀,大家都说特弗沙尔煤矿将就此终结,应该像老鼠逃离沉船那样赶紧离开,如果能够让它起死回生,可真是件了不起的事情。到处都是风言风语。当然,大战期间,这里曾有过短暂的振兴。杰弗里爵士搞过某种资产信托,保证大家有稳定的收益。大家都是这么说的。但他们认为即使是老爷和东家们,现在从煤矿也拿不到什么钱。真是令人难以置信!我总以为煤矿会永永远远开下去。我年轻的时候,哪里想得到今天这幅图景!但新英格兰煤矿已经关门,科尔维克林的也一样。是啊,穿过树林,就能亲眼看到那骇人的惨状,煤矿被遗弃在树木丛生的荒野里。矿坑以及所有布满红锈的铁道上,全都杂草丛生。那景象就如同死亡一般可怖,一座废弃的煤矿。哦,如果特弗沙尔煤矿也歇业,我们该何去何从呢?真是想都不敢想。除了罢工的时候,特弗沙尔总是人声鼎沸,热火朝天。即使是罢工的日子,只要不彻底停产,风扇叶轮还是照样转着。这世界真是让人摸不着头脑,时光飞逝,谁也无法断定自己将身在何地。”博尔顿太太的话,让重新克利福德充满斗志。如她所言,拜父亲的信托资金所赐,他拥有稳定的经济来源,尽管数目不大。他从没将矿坑放在心上。他想要占据的是另一个世界,文学和名誉的世界。声望的世界,而非劳作的世界。 Now he realized the distinction between popular success and working success: the populace of pleasure and the populace of work. He, as a private individual, had been catering with his stories for the populace of pleasure. And he had caught on. But beneath the populace of pleasure lay the populace of work, grim, grimy, and rather terrible. They too had to have their providers. And it was a much grimmer business, providing for the populace of work, than for the populace of pleasure. While he was doing his stories, and 'getting on' in the world, Tevershall was going to the wall. 如今,他意识到要在两个世界获得成功,需要采取不同的方法,因为存在着享乐阶层及劳作阶层这两个不同的群体。他,作为个体,以自己的小说取悦着享乐阶层。他也因此声名鹊起。但在享乐阶层之下,还存在着劳作阶层,他们野蛮肮脏,却又令人生畏。供给者对他们而言,同样不可或缺。完成对劳作阶层的供给任务,远比为享乐阶层服务困难得多。他孜孜不倦地致力于自己的小说,在声望世界春风得意时,特弗沙尔却已经走投无路。 He realized now that the bitch-goddess of Success had two main appetites: one for flattery, adulation, stroking and tickling such as writers and artists gave her; but the other a grimmer appetite for meat and bones. And the meat and bones for the bitch-goddess were provided by the men who made money in industry. 他终于恍然大悟,成功这位堕落女神有两大嗜好:甜言蜜语,阿谀奉承,溜须拍马,这些由作家和艺术家来提供;而更为恐怖的是她对肉和骨头的渴望。负责为堕落女神供给肉和骨头的,是在工业领域淘金的人们。 Yes, there were two great groups of dogs wrangling for the bitch-goddess: the group of the flatterers, those who offered her amusement, stories, films, plays: and the other, much less showy, much more savage breed, those who gave her meat, the real substance of money. The well-groomed showy dogs of amusement wrangled and snarled among themselves for the favours of the bitch-goddess. But it was nothing to the silent fight-to-the-death that went on among the indispensables, the bone-bringers. 没错,两大群狗为赢得堕落女神的青睐,斗得不可开交。一群是谄媚者,他们献上小说、电影、戏剧等消遣元素。而另一群虽然低调许多,但更加野蛮粗暴,他们奉上的则是肉食——真正的金钱与财富。那群贡献娱乐元素的狗总是衣着光鲜,好出风头,他们彼此咆哮着,吼叫着,希望得到堕落女神的垂青。但他们跟那群提供肉和骨头的狗相比,简直不值一提,后者更加举足轻重,而他们暗中的较量更是生死攸关。 But under Mrs. Bolton's influence, Clifford was tempted to enter this other fight, to capture the bitch-goddess by brute means of industrial production. Somehow, he got his pecker up. 由于博尔顿太太的影响,克利福德渴望投身更为激烈的争斗中去,用工业生产的原始手段,来俘虏堕落女神的芳心。不知是何原因,他此番鼓足了勇气。 In one way, Mrs. Bolton made a man of him, as Connie never did. Connie kept him apart, and made him sensitive and conscious of himself and his own states. Mrs. Bolton made hint aware only of outside things. Inwardly he began to go soft as pulp. But outwardly he began to be effective. 从某种程度来讲,博尔顿将让克利福德塑造成真正的男子汉,而这是康妮从未企及的。康妮对他若即若离,让他变得极为敏感,对自己和自己的状态有清醒的认识。博尔顿太太则让他只管放眼外界。在内心深处,他变得软弱不堪。而从表面看来,他却显得斗志昂扬。 He even roused himself to go to the mines once more: and when he was there, he went down in a tub, and in a tub he was hauled out into the workings. Things he had learned before the war, and seemed utterly to have forgotten, now came back to him. He sat there, crippled, in a tub, with the underground manager showing him the seam with a powerful torch. And he said little. But his mind began to work. 他甚至振奋精神,重返矿场。他乘着矿车下到井底,被拖拽着审查过各个矿坑。大战爆发前,他熟知矿场的一切,而这些曾彻底被抛诸脑后,此刻却又再度回到原位。下肢瘫痪的他坐在矿车里,井下主管则用强力矿灯照亮矿层,便于他审视。他很少做声。但心里却开始盘算起什么。 He began to read again his technical works on the coal-mining industry, he studied the government reports, and he read with care the latest things on mining and the chemistry of coal and of shale which were written in German. Of course the most valuable discoveries were kept secret as far as possible. But once you started a sort of research in the field of coal-mining, a study of methods and means, a study of by-products and the chemical possibilities of coal, it was astounding the ingenuity and the almost uncanny cleverness of the modern technical mind, as if really the devil himself had lent fiend's wits to the technical scientists of industry. It was far more interesting than art, than literature, poor emotional half-witted stuff, was this technical science of industry. In this field, men were like gods, or demons, inspired to discoveries, and fighting to carry them out. In this activity, men were beyond any mental age calculable. But Clifford knew that when it did come to the emotional and human life, these self-made men were of a mental age of about thirteen, feeble boys. The discrepancy was enormous and appalling. 他重新开始阅读有关采煤业的技术著作,研究政府公报,留意着有关采矿、煤炭化学以及岩层化学的最新资料,这些资料均用德文写成。当然,科学家们会竭尽所能,保证其最具价值的成果不被泄露。一旦涉足采煤领域的研究,探索各种方式方法,钻研煤矿的副产品和其他可能出现的化学产品,准会因现代技术的精巧和绝妙而感到惊异,仿佛是魔鬼将自己的才智赋予了那些科学家们。与艺术、文学之类这些可怜兮兮、愚蠢透顶的情感伎俩相比,工业技术科学要有趣得多。在这一领域,人们像被神魔附体,一心追求新成果,并努力将其付诸实践。在科学活动中,人类的精神年龄无法估量。但克利福德深知,若论及情感和人类生活,这些天赋异禀的家伙们大概只有13岁左右,只是些尚未成熟的孩童。这样巨大的不协调确实令人震惊。 But let that be. Let man slide down to general idiocy in the emotional and 'human' mind, Clifford did not care. Let all that go hang. He was interested in the technicalities of modern coal-mining, and in pulling Tevershall out of the hole. 但随它去好了。任人类在情感及人性的领域滑进低能的深渊好了,克利福德毫不在乎。让这一切都见鬼去吧。他感兴趣的是现代采煤技术,还有如何重振特弗沙尔。 He went down to the pit day after day, he studied, he put the general manager, and the overhead manager, and the underground manager, and the engineers through a mill they had never dreamed of. Power! He felt a new sense of power flowing through him: power over all these men, over the hundreds and hundreds of colliers. He was finding out: and he was getting things into his grip. 他每天都亲下矿坑,不知疲倦地钻研着,对井上、井下和一般事务的经理和工程师们严加约束,其程度远远超出他们的想象。权力!他觉得新鲜的权力感流遍全身,所有管理阶层都须听命于他,成百上千的矿工都唯他马首是瞻。他慢慢发现,一切尽在自己的掌握之中。 And he seemed verily to be re-born. NOW life came into him! He had been gradually dying, with Connie, in the isolated private life of the artist and the conscious being. Now let all that go. Let it sleep. He simply felt life rush into him out of the coal, out of the pit. The very stale air of the colliery was better than oxygen to him. It gave him a sense of power, power. He was doing something: and he was going to do something. He was going to win, to win: not as he had won with his stories, mere publicity, amid a whole sapping of energy and malice. But a man's victory. 他似乎真的重获新生。如今,他又充满活力!以往,虽有康妮相伴,但艺术家和精神活动者所过的与世隔绝的生活,将他推向濒死的境地。现在,大可将这一切尽数抛开。跟那种生活诀别。他觉得生命力从煤炭、从矿坑中喷涌而出,注入自己的身体。对他而言,矿场陈腐的空气比氧气还要带劲儿。让他充分体验到大权在握的感觉。他此刻已经起步,将来势必有番大作为。他追求成功,渴望胜利。以小说在文学领域取得的成功,不过是哗众取宠,是对精神和意志的双重消耗。他需要的是男子汉般辉煌的胜利。 At first he thought the solution lay in electricity: convert the coal into electric power. Then a new idea came. The Germans invented a new locomotive engine with a self feeder, that did not need a fireman. And it was to be fed with a new fuel, that burnt in small quantities at a great heat, under peculiar conditions. 刚开始,解决之道在于发电,他认为可以将煤炭转化为电能。后来,他又萌发出新点子。德国人研制出某种新型机车,能够自供燃料,无需配备司炉工。它使用的新燃料,在特定的条件下,只需微量便可产生极大的热能。 The idea of a new concentrated fuel that burnt with a hard slowness at a fierce heat was what first attracted Clifford. There must be some sort of external stimulus of the burning of such fuel, not merely air supply. He began to experiment, and got a clever young fellow, who had proved brilliant in chemistry, to help him. 一种新型浓缩燃料,能够产生巨大的热能,且能持久使用,这个想法立刻吸引住克利福德。但此种燃料仅在空气中无法燃烧,必须借助某种外部催化剂。他开始投入实验,并得到某位聪颖青年的帮助,那人在化学领域颇有建树。 And he felt triumphant. He had at last got out of himself. He had fulfilled his life-long secret yearning to get out of himself. Art had not done it for him. Art had only made it worse. But now, now he had done it. 他嗅到成功的味道。他终于跳脱出过去的自我。实现了深藏心底的毕生愿望。艺术没能帮他实现这一愿望。反而将情况变得更糟。而现在,他总算完成夙愿。 He was not aware how much Mrs. Bolton was behind him. He did not know how much he depended on her. But for all that, it was evident that when he was with her his voice dropped to an easy rhythm of intimacy, almost a trifle vulgar. 他并未意识到博尔顿太太是多么强有力的后盾。他并不清楚自己是多么依赖她。但尽管如此,每当与她共处,他的语调会变得轻松而亲切,甚至有点粗俗,这一点显而易见。 With Connie, he was a little stiff. He felt he owed her everything, and he showed her the utmost respect and consideration, so long as she gave him mere outward respect. But it was obvious he had a secret dread of her. The new Achilles in hint had a heel, and in this heel the woman, the woman like Connie, his wife, could lame him fatally. He went in a certain half-subservient dread of her, and was extremely nice to her. But his voice was a little tense when he spoke to her, and he began to be silent whenever she was present. 而跟康妮在一起,他仍然稍显拘谨。他觉得亏欠妻子太多,只要她表面上仍旧尊重自己,他就会报以至高的敬意和体谅。但很明显,他心里依然惧她三分。重获新生的阿喀琉斯依然没有摆脱致命的弱点,而这个弱点就是康妮这样的女人,他的妻子可以轻而易举地将他驯服。他对她怀有敬畏之意,在她面前总是和颜悦色,对她极为温柔和善。但跟她交谈时,他的声音总是显得有些紧张,每当她出现,他就会选择收声。 Only when he was alone with Mrs. Bolton did he really feel a lord and a master, and his voice ran on with her almost as easily and garrulously as her own could run. And he let her shave him or sponge all his body as if he were a child, really as if he were a child. 只有单独跟博尔顿太太相处时,他才能找回当家做主的感觉,说话时也变得跟她一样轻松自如,絮絮叨叨。他让她为自己刮脸,或者用海绵擦拭全身,好像他仍身处孩提时代,仍身在襁褓之中。 第十章 Connie was a good deal alone now, fewer people came to Wragby. Clifford no longer wanted them. He had turned against even the cronies. He was queer. He preferred the radio, which he had installed at some expense, with a good deal of success at last. He could sometimes get Madrid or Frankfurt, even there in the uneasy Midlands. 康妮如今总是形单影只,现在的拉格比也变得门庭冷落。克利福德不再需要盈门的宾客。他甚至连那帮至交好友都不再搭理。他变得行为古怪。他宁愿花时间听收音机,并且花钱装了一台,效果相当不错。虽然身在英格兰中部的穷乡僻壤,但有时也能收到来自马德里或者法兰克福的信号。 And he would sit alone for hours listening to the loudspeaker bellowing forth. It amazed and stunned Connie. But there he would sit, with a blank entranced expression on his face, like a person losing his mind, and listen, or seem to listen, to the unspeakable thing. 他经常独坐数小时,听着扬声器嗡嗡作响。这让康妮吃惊不已。可他坐在那里,脸上的表情空泛却显得如痴如醉,好像已经失魂落魄,静静听着,或者只是看似在倾听收音机里那些不知所谓的内容。 Was he really listening? Or was it a sort of soporific he took, whilst something else worked on underneath in him? Connie did now know. She fled up to her room, or out of doors to the wood. A kind of terror filled her sometimes, a terror of the incipient insanity of the whole civilized species. 他当真在听吗?或者收音机起到的只是催眠的作用,在他心底正盘算着别的事情?康妮无从了解。她或是已经逃回房间,或是出门去到树林里。有时,她的内心充满恐惧,整个文明社会开始显露出的疯狂本性,令她心惊胆战。 But now that Clifford was drifting off to this other weirdness of industrial activity, becoming almost a CREATURE, with a hard, efficient shell of an exterior and a pulpy interior, one of the amazing crabs and lobsters of the modern, industrial and financial world, invertebrates of the crustacean order, with shells of steel, like machines, and inner bodies of soft pulp, Connie herself was really completely stranded. 可现在,克利福德刚刚跳脱开文学的束缚,又对实业活动着起魔来。他变成一种奇异的生物,覆盖着坚硬有力的外壳,内里却如浆糊般柔软;变成生存在现代工业世界和金融世界中的一只无脊椎甲壳类动物,拥有机器般的钢铁躯壳,以及泥浆般的柔软内在。对此,康妮束手无策。 She was not even free, for Clifford must have her there. He seemed to have a nervous terror that she should leave him. The curious pulpy part of him, the emotional and humanly-individual part, depended on her with terror, like a child, almost like an idiot. She must be there, there at Wragby, a Lady Chatterley, his wife. Otherwise he would be lost like an idiot on a moor. 她甚至渐渐失去自由,因为克利福德必须要她陪伴左右。他似乎生怕妻子会弃自己而去。他体内那诡秘的柔软部分,情感和人性的部分,战战兢兢地依赖着她,像是不能自立的孩童,又几乎像是痴傻呆捏的低能儿。她必须呆在家里,寸步不离拉格比,扮演好查泰莱夫人的角色,做他的贤妻。否则,他就会迷失自我,变成在荒野中徜徉的白痴。 This amazing dependence Connie realized with a sort of horror. She heard him with his pit managers, with the members of his Board, with young scientists, and she was amazed at his shrewd insight into things, his power, his uncanny material power over what is called practical men. He had become a practical man himself and an amazingly astute and powerful one, a master. Connie attributed it to Mrs. Bolton's influence upon him, just at the crisis in his life. 意识到丈夫对自己过分的依赖,康妮又惧又厌。他对矿场管事发号施令,与董事会成员交换意见,和青年科学家探讨对策,康妮都在旁倾听,他对事物敏锐的洞察力,他对权利的掌控,对那些所谓实干家的操纵,都让她感到愕然。他本身就是一位实干家,高瞻远瞩、有权有势的实干家,大师级的实干家。康妮认为这都应该归功于博尔顿太太的影响,当克利福德的生活深陷危机,她的出现起到了决定性的作用。 But this astute and practical man was almost an idiot when left alone to his own emotional life. He worshipped Connie. She was his wife, a higher being, and he worshipped her with a queer, craven idolatry, like a savage, a worship based on enormous fear, and even hate of the power of the idol, the dread idol. All he wanted was for Connie to swear, to swear not to leave him, not to give him away. 但这位精明强干的实业家,一旦退回到自己的感情生活,就会变得和白痴无异。他崇拜着康妮。她不但是他的妻子,而且是高不可攀的存在,他则像个未开化的野蛮人,畏畏缩缩地迷恋着她,景仰着她。这种景仰源于莫可名状的巨大恐惧,甚至是对被崇拜对象的仇恨,因为这位可怖的偶像拥有无法估计的力量。他唯一的要求是,康妮要发誓对他不离不弃。 "Clifford," she said to him—but this was after she had the key to the hut—” Would you really like me to have a child one day?” He looked at her with a furtive apprehension in his rather prominent pale eyes. “克利福德,”得到林间小屋的钥匙之后,她对他说,“你当真希望我能生个孩子吗?”他暗暗望向她,那对外凸的淡蓝色眼睛中,隐约露出惧色。 "I shouldn't mind, if it made no difference between us," he said. “如果不会影响你我的关系,那么我不会介意。”他说。 "No difference to what?" she asked. “不会影响到什么?”她问。 "To you and me; to our love for one another. If it's going to affect that, then I'm all against it. Why, I might even one day have a child of my own!” She looked at him in amazement. “不会影响你我的关系,我们对彼此的爱情。如果影响到这些,那么我会坚决反对。哦,说不定哪天我也能拥有自己的孩子!”她诧异地看着他。 "I mean, it might come back to me one of these days." She still stared in amazement, and he was uncomfortable. “我的意思是,没准哪天我能够恢复生育能力。”她仍旧惊异地盯着他,弄得他窘迫起来。 "So you would not like it if I had a child?" she said. “那么说,你不愿意我怀别人的孩子?”她问。 "I tell you," he replied quickly, like a cornered dog, "I am quite willing, provided it doesn't touch your love for me. If it would touch that, I am dead against it.” Connie could only be silent in cold fear and contempt. Such talk was really the gabbling of an idiot. He no longer knew what he was talking about. “我说过,”他连忙回答,像只无路可退的野狗,“如果那样做不会影响你对我的爱,我举双手赞成。反之,我会反对到底。”康妮无言以对,冷冷的不安与轻蔑的情绪交杂在一起。这席话无异于白痴的梦呓。他不再知道自己在说些什么。 "Oh, it wouldn't make any difference to my feeling for you," she said, with a certain sarcasm. “哦,那不会影响我对你的感情。”她说,略带讽刺的口吻。 "There!" he said. "That is the point! In that case I don't mind in the least. I mean it would be awfully nice to have a child running about the house, and feel one was building up a future for it. I should have something to strive for then, and I should know it was your child, shouldn't I, dear? And it would seem just the same as my own. Because it is you who count in these matters. You know that, don't you, dear? I don't enter, I am a cypher. You are the great I—am! As far as life goes. You know that, don't you? I mean, as far as I am concerned. I mean, but for you I am absolutely nothing. I live for your sake and your future. I am nothing to myself” Connie heard it all with deepening dismay and repulsion. It was one of the ghastly half-truths that poison human existence. What man in his senses would say such things to a woman! But men aren't in their senses. What man with a spark of honour would put this ghastly burden of life-responsibility upon a woman, and leave her there, in the void? Moreover, in half an hour's time, Connie heard Clifford talking to Mrs. Bolton, in a hot, impulsive voice, revealing himself in a sort of passionless passion to the woman, as if she were half mistress, half foster-mother to him. And Mrs. Bolton was carefully dressing him in evening clothes, for there were important business guests in the house. “那就好!”他说。“那才是问题的关键!那样的话,我半点都不会介意。如果家里有个小家伙在家里跑来跑去,知道有人能赋予他光明的未来,那真是再好不过。那时候,我就会拥有为之奋斗的目标,我知道那是你的孩子,不是吗,亲爱的?你生的孩子我会视如己出。因为涉及到此类事情,你才是至关重要的。你懂我的意思,是吗,亲爱的?我不会干涉,因为我无足轻重。你是唯一的重心!就生活本身而言。你理解我的说法,是吗?我是说,我就持这样的观点。我是说,对你而言,我毫无意义。我为你而活,为你的未来而活。至于我自己,根本无关紧要。”听完这席话,康妮感到愈发沮丧,对他的厌恶又添几分。这些不过是荼毒生命的可耻鬼话。他这般理智的男人,怎么能对妻子说这样的话呢!可男人总是不按道理出牌。但凡有点尊严的男人,怎么能将生活的重担全压在妻子肩头,让她孤军奋战呢?更过分的是,仅仅半小时以后,康妮亲耳听到克利福德与博尔顿太太的交谈,他的口吻热络而急切,表现得时而冷漠,时而激情,似乎她已然是半个情妇、半个养母。博尔顿太太小心细致地帮他穿好晚礼服,因为晚上业界的头面人物会到访。 Connie really sometimes felt she would die at this time. She felt she was being crushed to death by weird lies, and by the amazing cruelty of idiocy. Clifford's strange business efficiency in a way over-awed her, and his declaration of private worship put her into a panic. There was nothing between them. She never even touched him nowadays, and he never touched her. He never even took her hand and held it kindly. No, and because they were so utterly out of touch, he tortured her with his declaration of idolatry. It was the cruelty of utter impotence. And she felt her reason would give way, or she would die. 这段时间,康妮觉得有时自己快要活不下去了。那些扭曲的谎言,那些白痴般的残酷举止,都会将她击得粉碎,使她的生命无以为继。克利福德奇诡超凡的商业头脑,让康妮深感震慑,而丈夫口口声声地宣称崇拜自己,更使她觉得惶恐。夫妇情分已经荡然无存。他们再也不会触碰对方的肢体。他甚至再也不会亲昵地握她的手。不,正因为两人间亲密的接触已经不复存在,所以他那番顶礼膜拜的宣言才会令她感到痛苦。那是性无能者的残酷言行。她觉得自己迟早会丧失理智,不然就会性命不保。 She fled as much as possible to the wood. One afternoon, as she sat brooding, watching the water bubbling coldly in John's Well, the keeper had strode up to her. 树林愈发成为她的避难所。某天下午,她坐在约翰井旁,黯然神伤,呆呆看着冰冷的泉水汩汩流出。这时,守林人大步向她走来。 "I got you a key made, my Lady!" he said, saluting, and he offered her the key. “夫人,我给您配了把钥匙!”他说完,躬身施礼,将钥匙递上。 "Thank you so much!" she said, startled. “非常感谢!”她说,他冷不防出现让她吃惊非小。 "The hut's not very tidy, if you don't mind," he said. "I cleared it what I could." "But I didn't want you to trouble!" she said. "Oh, it wasn't any trouble. I am setting the hens in about a week. But they won't be scared of you. I s'll have to see to them morning and night, but I shan't bother you any more than I can help.” "But you wouldn't bother me," she pleaded. "I'd rather not go to the hut at all, if I am going to be in the way.” He looked at her with his keen blue eyes. He seemed kindly, but distant. But at least he was sane, and wholesome, if even he looked thin and ill. A cough troubled him. “屋里挺乱的,还请您别介意,”他说,“我已经尽量打扫过了。”“可我没想给你添麻烦!”她说。“噢,一点不麻烦。我要用一周左右时间,把母鸡们安置好。但它们不会怕您。我早晚都得来照看它们,但我会尽量别吵到您。”“但你不会吵到我,”她言辞恳切,“如果真的会那样,我宁愿永远不去。”他那双天蓝色的双眸紧盯着她,目光依然犀利。他似乎和蔼可亲,但又保持着距离感。但他至少四肢健全,心智健康,虽然看上去清瘦孱弱。他咳嗽起来。 "You have a cough," she said. “你咳嗽。”她关切地说。 "Nothing—a cold! The last pneumonia left me with a cough, but it's nothing.” He kept distant from her, and would not come any nearer. “没关系——感冒而已!上次患肺炎落下了咳嗽的毛病,但没有大碍。”他总是刻意与她保持着距离,不愿接近一步。 She went fairly often to the hut, in the morning or in the afternoon, but he was never there. No doubt he avoided her on purpose. He wanted to keep his own privacy. 清晨或午后,她常去小屋,但从未碰到过他。毫无疑问,他是有意回避她。他希望保持那份清静。 He had made the hut tidy, put the little table and chair near the fireplace, left a little pile of kindling and small logs, and put the tools and traps away as far as possible, effacing himself. Outside, by the clearing, he had built a low little roof of boughs and straw, a shelter for the birds, and under it stood the live coops. And, one day when she came, she found two brown hens sitting alert and fierce in the coops, sitting on pheasants' eggs, and fluffed out so proud and deep in all the heat of the pondering female blood. This almost broke Connie's heart. She, herself was so forlorn and unused, not a female at all, just a mere thing of terrors. 他把小屋收拾得干干净净,将小桌和椅子放在壁炉旁,留一小堆引火用的柴枝和木块,工具及兽夹都搁得远远的,尽量抹去自己的痕迹。屋外空地旁,他用树枝和稻草搭了个矮棚,为母鸡们遮风挡雨,棚下摆着鸡笼。之后的一天,她来时发现,笼里添了两支棕色母鸡,正卧在那里孵着雉鸡蛋,显得机警而凶悍。它们骄傲地震颤着自己的羽毛,炽热的雌性本能在血液中奔涌。此情此景,让康妮怅然心碎。她孤苦伶仃,毫无价值,哪里还算得上女人,根本只是个微不足道的可怜鬼。 Then all the live coops were occupied by hens, three brown and a grey and a black. All alike, they clustered themselves down on the eggs in the soft nestling ponderosity of the female urge, the female nature, fluffing out their feathers. And with brilliant eyes they watched Connie, as she crouched before them, and they gave short sharp clucks of anger and alarm, but chiefly of female anger at being approached. 后来,所有五个笼子都被母鸡占据,三只棕色的,灰色黑色各有一只。五只母鸡紧紧伏在蛋上,温情款款,动作笨拙,羽毛抖动,彰显着雌性的本能。康妮在笼前蹲下来,母鸡明亮的眼睛圆睁着,喉咙里发出短促而尖利的咯咯声,愤怒地警告她不要靠近,但主要是出于雌性被接近时露出愤怒的本能。 Connie found corn in the corn-bin in the hut. She offered it to the hens in her hand. They would not eat it. Only one hen pecked at her hand with a fierce little jab, so Connie was frightened. But she was pining to give them something, the brooding mothers who neither fed themselves nor drank. She brought water in a little tin, and was delighted when one of the hens drank. 在小屋的粮仓里,康妮找来谷粒。她捧在手里,去喂母鸡。它们理都不理。只有其中一只向她的手猛啄过去,吓了康妮一跳。但她还是想方设法地喂它们,这些一心只想着孵蛋的母亲们却不吃也不喝。她端来一小罐水,其中一只喝了一口,这让她开心不已。 Now she came every day to the hens, they were the only things in the world that warmed her heart. Clifford's protestations made her go cold from head to foot. Mrs. Bolton's voice made her go cold, and the sound of the business men who came. An occasional letter from Michaelis affected her with the same sense of chill. She felt she would surely die if it lasted much longer. 现在,她每天都来看母鸡,它们成为世间唯一能温暖她心房的生灵。克利福德的信誓旦旦让她全身凉透。博尔顿太太的温言软语,到访实业家们的高谈阔论,都无法让她感到丝毫暖意。米凯利斯偶尔的飞鸿同样让她冷彻心扉。她觉得如果再这样继续下去,自己只有死路一条。 Yet it was spring, and the bluebells were coming in the wood, and the leaf-buds on the hazels were opening like the spatter of green rain. How terrible it was that it should be spring, and everything cold-hearted, cold-hearted. Only the hens, fluffed so wonderfully on the eggs, were warm with their hot, brooding female bodies! Connie felt herself living on the brink of fainting all the time. 但毕竟已经春回大地,风铃草再现树林,榛树萌发出的嫩叶就像是漫天飘舞的碧绿雨滴。春色烂漫,但万事万物却依旧冷酷,依然无情,这实在糟糕透顶。只有那些孵蛋的母鸡,优雅地在蛋上展开自己的羽毛,它们热切的雌性身躯,才能令人感到一丝暖意。康妮觉得自己随时随地都可能昏厥过去。 Then, one day, a lovely sunny day with great tufts of primroses under the hazels, and many violets dotting the paths, she came in the afternoon to the coops and there was one tiny, tiny perky chicken tinily prancing round in front of a coop, and the mother hen clucking in terror. The slim little chick was greyish brown with dark markings, and it was the most alive little spark of a creature in seven kingdoms at that moment. Connie crouched to watch in a sort of ecstasy. Life, life! Pure, sparky, fearless new life! New life! So tiny and so utterly without fear! Even when it scampered a little, scrambling into the coop again, and disappeared under the hen's feathers in answer to the mother hen's wild alarm-cries, it was not really frightened, it took it as a game, the game of living. For in a moment a tiny sharp head was poking through the gold-brown feathers of the hen, and eyeing the Cosmos. 某个阳光明媚的日子,榛树旁大簇的樱草花盛放着,小径上星星点点地散布着紫罗兰。午饭过后,她再次来到鸡笼旁。一只小不点鸡宝宝正在缓缓学步,欢快地在笼前踱来踱去,而它的母亲则忧心忡忡,不断发出咯咯声。这只纤细的小鸡有灰褐色的羽毛,身上点缀着黑斑,在那个瞬间,它就是天底下最具活力的小生命。康妮蹲下身子,看得入了迷。生命,生命!纯洁无暇、充满生机、无所畏惧的新生命!新生命!如此瘦小纤细,但却丝毫不知畏惧!甚至当它听到母亲惊恐万分的尖叫声,蹦跳着仓促钻进笼中,藏身于妈妈的羽毛里,也并非因为心生畏惧,它只把这一切当做游戏,生存的游戏。因为,没过一会儿,那颗尖尖的小脑袋又从母亲金棕色的羽毛中探出来,打量着眼前的大千世界。 Connie was fascinated. And at the same time, never had she felt so acutely the agony of her own female forlornness. It was becoming unbearable. 康妮看得着了魔。而与此同时,身为女性的她,深切地体验到孤独之苦,那种感受前所未有地强烈。已经到达无法承受的程度。 She had only one desire now, to go to the clearing in the wood. The rest was a kind of painful dream. But sometimes she was kept all day at Wragby, by her duties as hostess. And then she felt as if she too were going blank, just blank and insane. 此刻的她只有一个愿望,那就是置身于这片林中空地。其他的一切都是痛苦的梦境。但为了尽到女主人的职责,她有时需要全天都留在拉格比。此时,她只觉自己变得无比空虚,极度茫然,几乎陷入疯狂的境地。 One evening, guests or no guests, she escaped after tea. It was late, and she fled across the park like one who fears to be called back. The sun was setting rosy as she entered the wood, but she pressed on among the flowers. The light would last long overhead. 某天傍晚,她顾不得是否有客,用完下午茶,便逃出家门。天色已晚,她飞也似地穿过园林,好像生怕被人叫回去。踏进树林时,玫瑰色的夕阳渐渐西沉,但她仍加紧脚步,在花丛间穿行。头顶的光亮可以持续很久。 She arrived at the clearing flushed and semi-conscious. The keeper was there, in his shirt-sleeves, just closing up the coops for the night, so the little occupants would be safe. But still one little trio was pattering about on tiny feet, alert drab mites, under the straw shelter, refusing to be called in by the anxious mother. 她终于到达目的地,面色绯红,精神恍惚。守林人碰巧也在,他穿着长袖衬衣,正准备合上笼门,好让幼小的住客们安度夜晚。但仍有三只拒绝听从母亲急切的召唤,这些褐色的小机灵鬼迈着轻快的脚步,在草棚下嬉戏。 "I had to come and see the chickens!" she said, panting, glancing shyly at the keeper, almost unaware of him. "Are there any more?" "Thurty-six so far!" he said. "Not bad! He too took a curious pleasure in watching the young things come out. “我太想来看这些小家伙了!”她气喘吁吁地说,羞怯地瞟了一眼守林人,装作不在意他的存在。“添新的了吗?”“已经36只了!”他答道。“还不赖!”亲眼目睹这些小生命呱呱落地,他欣喜莫名。 Connie crouched in front of the last coop. The three chicks had run in. But still their cheeky heads came poking sharply through the yellow feathers, then withdrawing, then only one beady little head eyeing forth from the vast mother-body. 康妮蹲在第五个鸡笼前。那三只小鸡已经跑了进去。但它们的小脑瓜还是从黄色羽毛中探出来,毫无顾忌,过一会儿又缩进去,只剩一颗小圆脑袋,还绕过妈妈硕大的身躯向外张望。 "I'd love to touch them," she said, putting her lingers gingerly through the bars of the coop. But the mother-hen pecked at her hand fiercely, and Connie drew back startled and frightened. “我想摸摸它们。”她说着,小心翼翼地把手指从笼栏间伸进去。但鸡妈妈猛地向她啄来,康妮惊惧交加,赶忙将手抽回。 "How she pecks at me! She hates me!" she said in a wondering voice. "But I wouldn't hurt them!” The man standing above her laughed, and crouched down beside her, knees apart, and put his hand with quiet confidence slowly into the coop. The old hen pecked at him, but not so savagely. And slowly, softly, with sure gentle fingers, he felt among the old bird's feathers and drew out a faintly-peeping chick in his closed hand. “她啄我!她不喜欢我!”她惊魂未定地说,“可我不会伤害它们的!”站在一旁的守林人笑出声来,然后在她身边蹲下,两膝分开,自信地悄悄将手伸进慢慢伸进笼里。老母鸡虽然啄了他一下,但不若刚才那般凶狠。缓缓地,轻轻地,他用温柔稳重的手指,在鸡妈妈的羽毛中摸索着,将一只唧唧叫着的小鸡抓了出来。 "There!" he said, holding out his hand to her. She took the little drab thing between her hands, and there it stood, on its impossible little stalks of legs, its atom of balancing life trembling through its almost weightless feet into Connie's hands. But it lifted its handsome, clean-shaped little head boldly, and looked sharply round, and gave a little 'peep'. "So adorable! So cheeky!" she said softly. “好了!”她说,把小鸡递给他。她把小家伙捧在手里,它的双腿如麦秆般纤细,将自己颤巍巍地支持着平衡的生命力从它几乎感觉不到分量的双脚传递到康妮的手中。它大胆抬起那美丽匀称的小脑袋,机灵地环顾四周,发出唧唧的叫声。“简直太可爱了!实在太勇敢了!”她轻声说。 The keeper, squatting beside her, was also watching with an amused face the bold little bird in her hands. Suddenly he saw a tear fall on to her wrist. 守林人蹲在她旁边,注视着她手中那只勇敢无畏的小鸡,饶有兴致。却蓦地看见一滴眼泪落在她的手腕。 And he stood up, and stood away, moving to the other coop. For suddenly he was aware of the old flame shooting and leaping up in his loins, that he had hoped was quiescent for ever. He fought against it, turning his back to her. But it leapt, and leapt downwards, circling in his knees. 他直起身,远离康妮,向另一个鸡笼走去。因为他突然感觉到小腹处潜伏多日的火焰猛然燃起升腾,他曾经希望这股欲火永远熄灭。他背过身,极力压制着心中的欲望。但它却不断蔓延,向下蔓延,在他的双膝之间打转。 He turned again to look at her. She was kneeling and holding her two hands slowly forward, blindly, so that the chicken should run in to the mother-hen again. And there was something so mute and forlorn in her, compassion flamed in his bowels for her. 他再度转身望向她。她正跪在地上,表情茫然,缓缓向前伸出双手,这样一来,小鸡就能跑进笼里,回到母亲身边。她显得那样静谧,那样凄零,怜惜之情在他的体内油然而生。 Without knowing, he came quickly towards her and crouched beside her again, taking the chick from her hands, because she was afraid of the hen, and putting it back in the coop. At the back of his loins the fire suddenly darted stronger. 不知为何,他快步向她走去,再次蹲在她的身旁,从她手里接过小鸡,将它放回笼中。因为他深知她害怕那护雏心切的母鸡。小腹处的那团火焰燃得更旺了。 He glanced apprehensively at her. Her face was averted, and she was crying blindly, in all the anguish of her generation's forlornness. His heart melted suddenly, like a drop of fire, and he put out his hand and laid his lingers on her knee. 他看着她,目光中充满关切。她把脸扭向一旁,再也无法抑制自己的眼泪,为自己孤寂一生的苦楚黯然神伤。他的心好像一点火花一样瞬间熔化,他伸出手,指尖触碰着她的膝盖。 "You shouldn't cry," he said softly. “别哭了。”他柔声说。 But then she put her hands over her face and felt that really her heart was broken and nothing mattered any more. 但她却掩面而泣,只感觉心已粉碎,一切都不再重要。 He laid his hand on her shoulder, and softly, gently, it began to travel down the curve of her back, blindly, with a blind stroking motion, to the curve of her crouching loins. And there his hand softly, softly, stroked the curve of her flank, in the blind instinctive caress. 他把手搭在她的肩头,轻柔地顺着她背部的曲线向下游走,盲目地抚触着,直至她蜷曲的腰际。他的手温柔地抚摸着她的纤纤细腰,那是发自男性盲目的本能爱抚。 She had found her scrap of handkerchief and was blindly trying to dry her face. 她掏出手帕,胡乱地擦拭着脸上的泪水。 "Shall you come to the hut?" he said, in a quiet, neutral voice. “进屋好吗?”他用淡淡的声音平静地劝慰着。 And closing his hand softly on her upper arm, he drew her up and led her slowly to the hut, not letting go of her till she was inside. Then he cleared aside the chair and table, and took a brown, soldier's blanket from the tool chest, spreading it slowly. She glanced at his face, as she stood motionless. 他轻轻牵住她的手臂,拉她起来,引她踱向小屋,直到她置身屋中,才松开手。接着,他把桌椅挪开,从工具箱里取出条棕色军毯,慢慢将它铺开。她站在那里,动也不动,目光移向他的脸庞。 His face was pale and without expression, like that of a man submitting to fate. 他面色苍白,没有半点表情,似乎已经甘愿屈从于命运的安排。 "You lie there," he said softly, and he shut the door, so that it was dark, quite dark. “躺在这儿。”他的语气依然那样温柔,说着将门掩上。屋里变得黑暗,伸手不见五指。 With a queer obedience, she lay down on the blanket. Then she felt the soft, groping, helplessly desirous hand touching her body, feeling for her face. The hand stroked her face softly, softly, with infinite soothing and assurance, and at last there was the soft touch of a kiss on her cheek. 她出奇地顺从,在毯子上躺下。接着,她感到他的手轻柔地触碰她的身体,摸索她的脸庞,放射出无法抑制的欲望。他的手温柔地、爱怜地抚弄着她的俏脸,让她体验到无限的宽慰和信任。终于,深情的吻贴上她的脸颊。 She lay quite still, in a sort of sleep, in a sort of dream. Then she quivered as she felt his hand groping softly, yet with queer thwarted clumsiness, among her clothing. Yet the hand knew, too, how to unclothe her where it wanted. He drew down the thin silk sheath, slowly, carefully, right down and over her feet. Then with a quiver of exquisite pleasure he touched the warm soft body, and touched her navel for a moment in a kiss. And he had to come in to her at once, to enter the peace on earth of her soft, quiescent body. It was the moment of pure peace for him, the entry into the body of the woman. 她静静地躺着,像已沉沉睡去,像已坠入梦中。然后,他的手继续温情款款地摸索着,探入她的衣衫,左右游走,动作略显笨拙,而她的身躯则随之扭动起来。不过,这只笨拙的手却懂得用在恰当的地方,把衣衫解开。他将她那单薄的丝绸衣裙褪到脚踝处,动作缓慢而谨慎。然后,他的全身因狂喜而颤抖着,他的手爱抚着她温软的娇躯,双唇停留在她的肚脐,轻吻着。他渴望立即插入,与她合二为一,深入她那柔软安静的身体里的平和之处。插进她身体的瞬间,对他而言是品尝平和极致的体验。 She lay still, in a kind of sleep, always in a kind of sleep. The activity, the orgasm was his, all his; she could strive for herself no more. Even the tightness of his arms round her, even the intense movement of his body, and the springing of his seed in her, was a kind of sleep, from which she did not begin to rouse till he had finished and lay softly panting against her breast. 她静静地躺着,像已沉沉睡去,久久不愿醒来。所有的动作,最终的高潮都属于他,也只属于他,她不再主动,只是顺从。虽然他的双臂紧紧拥着她,虽然他的身体剧烈地抽动,甚至他的精液在她的体内喷射而出,都没将她从睡梦中唤醒。直到他彻底满足,依偎在她胸前轻喘,她才醒来。 Then she wondered, just dimly wondered, why? Why was this necessary? Why had it lifted a great cloud from her and given her peace? Was it real? Was it real? Her tormented modern-woman's brain still had no rest. Was it real? And she knew, if she gave herself to the man, it was real. But if she kept herself for herself it was nothing. She was old; millions of years old, she felt. And at last, she could bear the burden of herself no more. She was to be had for the taking. To be had for the taking. 此刻,她心生疑问,于朦胧中心生疑问,究竟为什么?为什么要这样?为什么这样做能拨散缠绕已久的巨大阴霾,让她重获宁静?这是真的吗?这是真的吗?她那现代女性的大脑曾饱经折磨,即使现在仍不愿停歇。这是真的吗?她明白,如果自愿献身给眼前的男人,一切就都是真实的。但如果她仍不愿对他敞开胸怀,一切都是白费。她感觉自己已经衰老,甚至足有百万岁。她终于无法继续承受所有的重担。她随时做好奉献自己的准备。任他自由攫取。 The man lay in a mysterious stillness. What was he feeling? What was he thinking? She did not know. He was a strange man to her, she did not know him. She must only wait, for she did not dare to break his mysterious stillness. He lay there with his arms round her, his body on hers, his wet body touching hers, so close. And completely unknown. Yet not unpeaceful. His very stillness was peaceful. 依偎在身旁的男人陷入神秘的静默。他此刻有怎样的感受?他此刻在想些什么?她不得而知。他对她而言十分陌生,她对他知之甚少。她只能耐心等待,不敢随意打破他那神秘的静默。他的双臂搂着她,压在她的身上,汗淋淋的身体紧贴着她。那完全陌生的身体。莫名的平静。此刻陷入沉默的他是那样的平静。 She knew that, when at last he roused and drew away from her. It was like an abandonment. He drew her dress in the darkness down over her knees and stood a few moments, apparently adjusting his own clothing. Then he quietly opened the door and went out. 她终于感觉到他苏醒过来,抽身站起。像是要将她遗弃。黑暗中,他拉起她的衣裙,遮到膝部,矗立片刻,显然是在整理自己的衣服。然后,他悄无声息地敞开门,走了出去。 She saw a very brilliant little moon shining above the afterglow over the oaks. Quickly she got up and arranged herself she was tidy. Then she went to the door of the hut. 在晚霞的掩映下,一弯明月爬上橡树梢头,倾泻下柔和的银光。她连忙起身,匆匆整理好衣装。接着向屋门口走去。 All the lower wood was in shadow, almost darkness. Yet the sky overhead was crystal. But it shed hardly any light. He came through the lower shadow towards her, his face lifted like a pale blotch. 低矮的树丛都被阴影掩盖,几乎完全陷入黑暗之中。头顶的天空却如水晶般透明。但却无法将大地照亮。他穿过那低矮的阴影,向她走来,远远看去,那扬起的脸庞像个灰点。 "Shall we go then?" he said. “走吧?”他说。 "Where?" "I'll go with you to the gate.” He arranged things his own way. He locked the door of the hut and came after her. “去哪里?”“我把你送到花园门口。”他选择用自己的方式善后。他锁好屋门,跟在她的身后。 "You aren't sorry, are you?" he asked, as he went at her side. “你后悔了?”他追到她的身侧,问道。 "No! No! Are you?" she said. “没有!没有!你呢?”她问。 "For that! No!" he said. Then after a while he added: "But there's the rest of things.” "What rest of things?" she said. “不为这件事!根本没有!”他说。接着,他又补充说:“但还有其他麻烦事。”“其他什么事?”她问。 "Sir Clifford. Other folks. All the complications." "Why complications?" she said, disappointed. “克利福德爵士。其他人。各种各样的复杂状况。”“什么复杂状况?”她失望地问。 "It's always so. For you as well as for me. There's always complications.” He walked on steadily in the dark. “事情总是如此。你我都难脱干系。总是很复杂。”黑暗中,他稳步前行。 "And are you sorry?" she said. “你后悔了?”她问。 "In a way!" he replied, looking up at the sky. "I thought I'd done with it all. Now I've begun again.” "Begun what?" "Life." "Life!" she re-echoed, with a queer thrill. “有一点!”他答道,抬头仰望天空。“我本以为已与此绝缘。如今却再度开始。”“开始什么?”“生活。”“生活!”她重复着他的话,莫名的冲动涌上心头。 "It's life," he said. "There's no keeping clear. And if you do keep clear you might almost as well die. So if I've got to be broken open again, I have.” She did not quite see it that way, but still "It's just love," she said cheerfully. “的确是生活。”他说。“很难与之划清界限。如果真的与生活毫无干系,那就跟死掉没什么两样。所以如果我要再度敞开胸怀,也只能接受目前的现实。”她并不完全认同他的想法,但还是……“那只是爱情而已。”她的心情已经豁然开朗。 "Whatever that may be," he replied. “无论那算是什么,对我来说,都没啥两样。”他答道。 They went on through the darkening wood in silence, till they were almost at the gate. 两人都陷入沉默,穿过逐渐变暗的树林,园林大门已然在望。 "But you don't hate me, do you? He walked on steadily in the dark. she said wistfully. “可你并不会恨我,对吗?”黑暗中,他的步履依然平稳。而她的语气则有些惆怅。 "Nay, nay," he replied. And suddenly he held her fast against his breast again, with the old connecting passion. "Nay, for me it was good, it was good. Was it for you?" "Yes, for me too," she answered, a little untruthfully, for she had not been conscious of much. “不,当然不。”他连忙回答。他冷不防将她紧紧搂入怀中,刚才褪去的热情再度重燃。“不会,我觉得那很美妙,非常美妙。你也这样认为吗?”“没错,我也这样想。”她的回答有些口不应心,因为刚才她的感觉并不强烈。 He kissed her softly, softly, with the kisses of warmth. 他轻吻着她,满怀柔情。 "If only there weren't so many other people in the world," he said lugubriously. “要是世间只剩你我该多好。”他感伤地说。 She laughed. They were at the gate to the park. He opened it for her. 她露出笑容。两人来到花园门外。他为她敞开门。 "I won't come any further," he said. “就送你到这里吧。”他说。 "No!" And she held out her hand, as if to shake hands. But he took it in both his. “好的!”他伸出手,似乎想跟他道别。他却双手握住不放。 "Shall I come again?" she asked wistfully. “我还该来吗?”她幽幽地问。 "Yes! Yes!" She left him and went across the park. “当然!当然!”她离他而去,独自穿过园林。 He stood back and watched her going into the dark, against the pallor of the horizon. Almost with bitterness he watched her go. She had connected him up again, when he had wanted to be alone. She had cost him that bitter privacy of a man who at last wants only to be alone. 他站在原地,目送她步入黑暗,消失在露出鱼肚白的地平线处。眼见她远去,他的心情几近苦涩。他本想就此孤独终老,而她却又将他与俗世联系起来。他本想就此了却残生,她却使他从痛苦的清静中挣脱出来。 He turned into the dark of the wood. All was still, the moon had set. But he was aware of the noises of the night, the engines at Stacks Gate, the traffic on the main road. Slowly he climbed the denuded knoll. And from the top he could see the country, bright rows of lights at Stacks Gate, smaller lights at Tevershall pit, the yellow lights of Tevershall and lights everywhere, here and there, on the dark country, with the distant blush of furnaces, faint and rosy, since the night was clear, the rosiness of the outpouring of white-hot metal. Sharp, wicked electric lights at Stacks Gate! An undefinable quick of evil in them! And all the unease, the ever-shifting dread of the industrial night in the Midlands. He could hear the winding-engines at Stacks Gate turning down the seven-o'clock miners. The pit worked three shifts. 他回身走进漆黑的树林。万籁俱寂,月亮也已沉下。但暗夜中的喧嚣声仍不绝于耳,斯塔克斯门采煤的机器仍在轰鸣,还有主干道上车流的熙攘。他攀上草木凋零的山丘,步履沉重。置身山顶,夜间的村落尽收眼底,斯塔克斯门成行的灯光异常明亮,特弗沙尔矿场的却稍显黯淡,还有各家各户昏黄的灯火,星星点点,散满黑暗的大地。远处隐约可见暗粉色的熔炉,夜空朗朗,白热的钢水倾泻而出后,立即着上玫瑰的色泽。斯塔克斯门刺眼的灯光,那样令人生厌!难以言喻的罪恶本性隐藏其间!英格兰中部工业区的夜晚充斥着不安,恐惧源源不绝。他听到斯塔克斯门的卷扬机吱扭作响,把七点当班的矿工们送到井底。矿场采取的是三班轮转制。 He went down again into the darkness and seclusion of the wood. But he knew that the seclusion of the wood was illusory. The industrial noises broke the solitude, the sharp lights, though unseen, mocked it. A man could no longer be private and withdrawn. The world allows no hermits. And now he had taken the woman, and brought on himself a new cycle of pain and doom. For he knew by experience what it meant. 他走下山岗,回归与世隔绝的阴暗丛林。但他清楚这丛林的超然物外,不过是幻象而已。现代工业的喧嚣打破了这里的宁静,耀目的灯光虽无法穿透树木的遮蔽,但也极尽挖苦之能事。孑然独居,隐遁世外已成不切实际的奢望。这世界已没有隐士存活的乐土。如今,他已与她行过周公之礼,而这也会给他带来新的一轮的痛苦和厄运。以往的经历告诉他这意味着什么。 It was not woman's fault, nor even love's fault, nor the fault of sex. The fault lay there, out there, in those evil electric lights and diabolical rattlings of engines. There, in the world of the mechanical greedy, greedy mechanism and mechanized greed, sparkling with lights and gushing hot metal and roaring with traffic, there lay the vast evil thing, ready to destroy whatever did not conform. Soon it would destroy the wood, and the bluebells would spring no more. All vulnerable things must perish under the rolling and running of iron. 这罪责不应由女人来承担,更与情爱和性欲无关。过错源自那里,就在那里,在那邪恶的灯光中,在那恶魔般格格乱吼的机械里。在那里,在这机械化的贪婪世界里,贪婪的机械化和机械化的贪婪交织纠缠,放射出刺目的灯光,喷吐出炽热的金属,咆哮出嘈杂的车流声。那里便是无尽罪恶的根源,奉行着逆我者亡的信条。用不了多久,这片树林就将被毁灭殆尽,风铃草也将无处容身。面对钢筋铁骨的冲击滚碾,所有脆弱的东西都将被碾得粉碎。 He thought with infinite tenderness of the woman. Poor forlorn thing, she was nicer than she knew, and oh! So much too nice for the tough lot she was in contact with. Poor thing, she too had some of the vulnerability of the wild hyacinths, she wasn't all tough rubber-goods and platinum, like the modern girl. And they would do her in! As sure as life, they would do her in, as they do in all naturally tender life. Tender! Somewhere she was tender, tender with a tenderness of the growing hyacinths, something that has gone out of the celluloid women of today. But he would protect her with his heart for a little while. For a little while, before the insentient iron world and the Mammon of mechanized greed did them both in, her as well as him. 他那千番柔情都在思念着那个女人。那孤独无依的可怜女人,她从不知道自己多么地优雅善良,噢!那样善良的女人却遭遇如此艰难的命运。可怜的女人,她柔弱得像朵娇嫩的野风信子,怎么能跟那些现代女孩相比,她们如橡胶和铂金那般强韧。它们会将她摧毁!千真万确,它们会将她扼杀,就像扼杀所有天生柔弱的生命。柔弱!她那样柔弱,好像尚未长成的风信子,而这些恰恰是如今那些造作女子所无法比拟的。但他愿意倾尽所有心力,保护她一段时间。一段时间,直到残酷无情的钢铁世界和全副武装的贪欲之神将他俩吞噬,他与她都注定难逃劫数。 He went home with his gun and his dog, to the dark cottage, lit the lamp, started the fire, and ate his supper of bread and cheese, young onions and beer. He was alone, in a silence he loved. His room was clean and tidy, but rather stark. Yet the fire was bright, the hearth white, the petroleum lamp hung bright over the table, with its white oil-cloth. He tried to read a book about India, but tonight he could not read. He sat by the fire in his shirt-sleeves, not smoking, but with a mug of beer in reach. And he thought about Connie. 他挎着猎枪,带着爱犬,回到漆黑的农舍,点上油灯,燃起炉火,晚餐吃的是面包、奶酪和小洋葱,还喝了些啤酒。他孤单一人,重归笃爱的寂静之中。房间干净整洁,但却空荡荡的。然而,炉火通明,灶台洁净,饭桌铺着白色油布,煤油灯悬在桌子上方,将小屋照得亮堂堂的。他本想读本有关印度的书,但今晚却有些心不在焉。他身着长袖衬衣,坐在壁炉旁,香烟没有点燃,而手边却放着一大杯啤酒。他的心里全是康妮。 To tell the truth, he was sorry for what had happened, perhaps most for her sake. He had a sense of foreboding. No sense of wrong or sin; he was troubled by no conscience in that respect. He knew that conscience was chiefly fear of society, or fear of oneself. He was not afraid of himself. But he was quite consciously afraid of society, which he knew by instinct to be a malevolent, partly-insane beast. 说心里话,他为发生那档子事感到懊恼,或许主要是为她感到不值。他有种预感。他并不认为那样做是过错乃至罪恶,他从未在这方面受过良心的谴责。他知道,所谓是非之心不过是对社会的畏惧,或者对自我的胆怯。他从不害怕自我。但他却对社会充满敬畏,并将之视为几近疯狂的凶恶野兽,这样想完全出自本能。 The woman! If she could be there with him, arid there were nobody else in the world! The desire rose again, his penis began to stir like a live bird. At the same time an oppression, a dread of exposing himself and her to that outside Thing that sparkled viciously in the electric lights, weighed down his shoulders. She, poor young thing, was just a young female creature to him; but a young female creature whom he had gone into and whom he desired again. 那个女人!要是能与她朝夕相处,且世间再无他人,那该多好!欲望再度点燃,他的阳具兴奋起来,像只活蹦乱跳的鸟儿。与此同时,苦恼的情绪重重地压在他的肩头,担心自己与她再度暴露在外物面前,那东西在刺眼的灯光中闪烁着邪恶的光亮。她,那可怜的女人,对他而言,她不过是正处妙龄的姑娘,但却是曾承过他的雨露、且令他日思夜想的妙龄女子。 Stretching with the curious yawn of desire, for he had been alone and apart from man or woman for four years, he rose and took his coat again, and his gun, lowered the lamp and went out into the starry night, with the dog. Driven by desire and by dread of the malevolent Thing outside, he made his round in the wood, slowly, softly. He loved the darkness arid folded himself into it. It fitted the turgidity of his desire which, in spite of all, was like a riches; the stirring restlessness of his penis, the stirring fire in his loins! Oh, if only there were other men to be with, to fight that sparkling electric Thing outside there, to preserve the tenderness of life, the tenderness of women, and the natural riches of desire. If only there were men to fight side by side with! But the men were all outside there, glorying in the Thing, triumphing or being trodden down in the rush of mechanized greed or of greedy mechanism. 莫名的情欲在心中左冲右突,让他感到异常痛苦,因为过去四年间,他始终远离世人,孑然独居。他站起身来,披上外衣,拎起猎枪,将油灯捻暗,走进繁星点点的夜色,爱犬依然紧随其后。欲望挥之不去,恶毒的外物更让他惊恐万状,梅勒斯放缓步伐,高抬脚轻落足,在树林中来回巡视。他对黑暗饱含深情,此刻便再度投入它的怀抱。沉沉夜色让他情欲勃发,虽然会招致无休止的麻烦,但这欲望仍显得弥足珍贵,它没完没了地挑逗着他的阳具,将小腹处的火焰点得更旺。噢,要是有人能与他并肩作战该多好,对抗那电光闪耀的外物,让生命的温柔得以延续,让女性的体贴得以保存,让欲望的财富得以勃发。要是有人与他同仇敌忾该多好!但芸芸众生都站在他的对立面,对那怪物歌功颂德,当机械化的贪婪和贪婪的机械化横冲直撞,若不能奏凯而还,就只能被踏成齑粉。 Constance, for her part, had hurried across the park, home, almost without thinking. As yet she had no afterthought. She would be in time for dinner. 而康斯坦斯此刻正匆匆穿过园林,几乎没有时间去思考。她来不及细细回味。她必须赶回去吃晚餐。 She was annoyed to find the doors fastened, however, so that she had to ring. Mrs. Bolton opened. 紧赶慢赶,她到家时,还是发觉门已闩紧,只能恼怒地按响门铃。开门的是博尔顿太太。 "Why there you are, your Ladyship! I was beginning to wonder if you'd gone lost!" she said a little roguishly. "Sir Clifford hasn't asked for you, though; he's got Mr. Linley in with him, talking over something. It looks as if he'd stay to dinner, doesn't it, my Lady?” "It does rather," said Connie. “哎呦,您可回来了,夫人!我正在想您是不是迷路了!”她半开玩笑地说,“不过,克利福德爵士还没问起过您,他正和林利先生商量事儿呢。看来他会在这儿吃晚餐,您说是吧,夫人?”“可能吧。”康妮应道。 "Shall I put dinner back a quarter of an hour? That would give you time to dress in comfort." "Perhaps you'd better.” Mr. Linley was the general manager of the collieries, an elderly man from the north, with not quite enough punch to suit Clifford; not up to post-war conditions, nor post-war colliers either, with their 'ca'canny'creed. But Connie liked Mr. Linley, though she was glad to be spared the toadying of his wife. “是否推迟一刻钟开饭?这样您有时间惬意地穿戴打扮。”“或许是个好主意。”林利先生是矿场的总经理,已过盛年的北方佬,遇事总是优柔寡断,得不到克利福德的赏识。他不懂与时俱进,适应战后的新形势,和那些矿工一样不知变通,谨小慎微。不过,康妮很喜欢林利先生,虽然她对林利太太的阿谀逢迎很是不悦,但好在那女人没来,也免去了她的不快。 Linley stayed to dinner, and Connie was the hostess men liked so much, so modest, yet so attentive and aware, with big, wide blue eyes arid a soft repose that sufficiently hid what she was really thinking. Connie had played this woman so much, it was almost second nature to her; but still, decidedly second. Yet it was curious how everything disappeared from her consciousness while she played it. 林利先生果然留下来用晚饭。康妮这种主妇深得异性青睐,她毫无盛气凌人的架子,对人关照无微不至,又深谙世故。那双天蓝色的大眼睛,温柔沉静的神态,总能恰如其分地将自己的心事隐藏起来。康妮将女主人的角色扮得惟妙惟肖,那几乎成为她的第二天性,但终归是第二。但奇怪的是,她饰演这角色时,总是不知不觉地进入忘我的状态。 She waited patiently till she could go upstairs and think her own thoughts. She was always waiting, it seemed to be her FORTE. 她耐心等待着,到时就可以上楼去,思考自己的事情。她总在等待,似乎那已经成为她的长项。 Once in her room, however, she felt still vague and confused. She didn't know what to think. What sort of a man was he, really? Did he really like her? Not much, she felt. Yet he was kind. There was something, a sort of warm naive kindness, curious and sudden, that almost opened her womb to him. But she felt he might be kind like that to any woman. Though even so, it was curiously soothing, comforting. And he was a passionate man, wholesome and passionate. But perhaps he wasn't quite individual enough; he might be the same with any woman as he had been with her. It really wasn't personal. She was only really a female to him. 可一旦回到房间,她仍旧感到茫然困惑。总是胡思乱想。他到底是怎样的人?他当真喜欢自己吗?不太喜欢,她觉得是这样。可他是那样温柔体贴。起到至关重要作用的,恰恰是这种温和质朴的性格,它不同寻常,突如其来,几乎让她卸去所有防卫。但她怀疑,这家伙或许对每个女人都那样和善。尽管如此,那依然让她倍感安慰和鼓舞。他是个热情似火的汉子,身心健康又激情四射。或许他只是个多情种子,能让所有在一起的女人都如沐春风。他的温柔并非她能独享。对他而言,她不过是个普通异性而已。 But perhaps that was better. And after all, he was kind to the female in her, which no man had ever been. Men were very kind to the PERSON she was, but rather cruel to the female, despising her or ignoring her altogether. Men were awfully kind to Constance Reid or to Lady Chatterley; but not to her womb they weren't kind. And he took no notice of Constance or of Lady Chatterley; he just softly stroked her loins or her breasts. 但或许情况并非想象得那样糟糕。毕竟,他的温柔源自她的女性特质,而在此之前,从来没有男人有过类似的反应。男人们尊重的是她的躯壳,但对待她的女性特质,却异常残酷,或轻蔑鄙视,或视若无睹。男人们对康斯坦斯·里德或者查泰莱夫人都极其友善,但却从不把她当做有情有欲的女人。而他对康斯坦斯或是查泰莱夫人毫不在意,只会温柔地抚弄她的私处或者乳房。 She went to the wood next day. It was a grey, still afternoon, with the dark-green dogs-mercury spreading under the hazel copse, and all the trees making a silent effort to open their buds. Today she could almost feel it in her own body, the huge heave of the sap in the massive trees, upwards, up, up to the bud-a, there to push into little flamey oak-leaves, bronze as blood. It was like a ride running turgid upward, and spreading on the sky. 翌日,她再度造访树林。那是个阴郁寂静的午后,墨绿色的水银菜在榛丛下蔓延,所有树木都一声不响地绽出嫩芽。今天,她几乎能在自己体内感觉到这种盎然的生机,大树的汁液向上喷涌,向上,不断向上,直至芽尖,生发成闪亮的嫩橡树叶,呈现出血青色。如同汹涌的潮水不断向上攀升,在天空激荡澎湃。 She came to the clearing, but he was not there. She had only half expected him. The pheasant chicks were running lightly abroad, light as insects, from the coops where the fellow hens clucked anxiously. Connie sat and watched them, and waited. She only waited. Even the chicks she hardly saw. She waited. 她来到那片空地,却不见他的身影。她原本也没抱太大希望。野鸡宝宝步履轻盈地向笼外跑去,灵活得像是微小的昆虫,而鸡妈妈则在笼中忧心忡忡地咯咯叫着。康妮坐下来,注视着它们,等待着。她只剩等待。甚至连鸡宝宝都无法留住她视线。她等待着。 The time passed with dream-like slowness, and he did not come. She had only half expected him. He never came in the afternoon. She must go home to tea. But she had to force herself to leave. 时间如梦,缓缓逝去,而他依然没有出现。她本来就没太指望见到他。他下午从不会来这儿。她得赶回家去喝下午茶。但离去时,她是那样地不情愿。 As she went home, a fine drizzle of rain fell. 回家的路上,天空飘起细雨。 "Is it raining again?" said Clifford, seeing her shake her hat. “又下雨了?”看到她抖落帽子上的水滴,克利福德问。 "Just drizzle." She poured tea in silence, absorbed in a sort of obstinacy. She did want to see the keeper today, to see if it were really real. If it were really real. “小雨而已。”为他斟茶时,她默默不语,想见他的念头在脑海中挥之不去。她今天实在太想见他,只为了解那天发生的一切究竟是梦是真。究竟是真是幻。 "Shall I read a little to you afterwards?" said Clifford. “过会儿我读书给你听吧?”克利福德问。 She looked at him. Had he sensed something? "The spring makes me feel queer—I thought I might rest a little," she said. 她的视线转向他。难道丈夫已经有所察觉?“春天让我感觉有点乏累——我本想去休息一会的。”她说。 "Just as you like. Not feeling really unwell, are you?" "No! Only rather tired—with the spring. Will you have Mrs. Bolton to play something with you?” "No! I think I'll listen in.” She heard the curious satisfaction in his voice. She went upstairs to her bedroom. There she heard the loudspeaker begin to bellow, in an idiotically velveteen-genteel sort of voice, something about a series of street-cries, the very cream of genteel affectation imitating old criers. She pulled on her old violet coloured mackintosh, and slipped out of the house at the side door. “想就去吧。你真的感觉身体不适么?”“没事!只是有点困乏——都是春天惹的祸。让博尔顿太太来陪你玩会牌?”“不用!我想听会儿收音机。”她听出他语调中那奇异的满足感。她上楼回到卧室。即使在自己房间,她仍能听到扬声器在叫嚷,那是种白痴似地故作风雅的呓语,像是接连不断的沿街叫卖声,对老套叫卖者刻意模仿和时髦粉饰。她披上那件紫色旧雨衣,从侧门溜了出来。 The drizzle of rain was like a veil over the world, mysterious, hushed, not cold. She got very warm as she hurried across the park. She had to open her light waterproof. 蒙蒙细雨好像给世界罩上轻纱,神秘莫测,安详静谧,却并不冰冷。康妮急匆匆穿过花园,感觉燥热起来。她只得解开单薄的雨衣。 The wood was silent, still and secret in the evening drizzle of rain, full of the mystery of eggs and half-open buds, half unsheathed flowers. In the dimness of it all trees glistened naked and dark as if they had unclothed themselves, and the green things on earth seemed to hum with greenness. 傍晚的细雨中,树林沉默无声,寂静安宁,又充满神秘的卵与半开半合的嫩芽和花朵。朦胧中,赤裸的树木闪烁着幽暗的光芒,好像已将衣衫褪尽,地上的绿色植被似乎正低声吟唱,仍显稚嫩。 There was still no one at the clearing. The chicks had nearly all gone under the mother-hens, only one or two last adventurous ones still dibbed about in the dryness under the straw roof shelter. And they were doubtful of themselves. 林间空地处依然不见人影。小鸡们差不多都已躲到妈妈的身下,只有一两只冒失鬼仍在草棚遮蔽的干燥处啄食。它们有些局促不安。 So! He still had not been. He was staying away on purpose. Or perhaps something was wrong. Perhaps she should go to the cottage and see. 原来如此!他仍未出现。他是有意逃避。不然或许是出了什么岔子。或许她该进屋去看个究竟。 But she was born to wait. She opened the hut with her key. It was all tidy, the corn put in the bin, the blankets folded on the shelf, the straw neat in a corner; a new bundle of straw. The hurricane lamp hung on a nail. The table and chair had been put back where she had lain. 但她生来就注定要等待。她用钥匙打开屋门。屋里依旧整饬,谷物归仓,毯子叠好搁在架上,新添的一捆稻草齐整地摆放在角落处。钉子上挂着防风灯。桌椅重新归位,那是她曾经躺过的地方。 She sat down on a stool in the doorway. How still everything was! The fine rain blew very softly, filmily, but the wind made no noise. Nothing made any sound. The trees stood like powerful beings, dim, twilit, silent and alive. How alive everything was! 她坐在门边的凳子上。一切都那样寂静!轻柔的雨丝纷纷飘落,织成薄幕,但听不到半点风声。万物无声。屹立不摇的树木好似孔武有力的勇士,轮廓模糊,沉默不语,但却充满生机。一切都那样生机勃发! Night was drawing near again; she would have to go. He was avoiding her. 夜幕再度拉近,她得回去了。他分明是在躲着她。 But suddenly he came striding into the clearing, in his black oilskin jacket like a chauffeur, shining with wet. He glanced quickly at the hut, half-saluted, then veered aside and went on to the coops. There he crouched in silence, looking carefully at everything, then carefully shutting the hens and chicks up safe against the night. 但突然,他大踏步走进空地,身上那件黑色油布外衣像是司机的行头,上面落满雨水,闪闪发亮。他的目光扫过小屋,微施一礼,然后转身向鸡舍走去。他默然蹲下身子,仔细检查一番,然后小心翼翼地关好笼子,确保鸡妈妈和她们的宝宝一夜无忧。 At last he came slowly towards her. She still sat on her stool. He stood before her under the porch. 最后,他缓步向她靠近。她仍坐在凳子上。他来到门廊下,站在她的面前。 "You come then," he said, using the intonation of the dialect. “恁来了。”他此时用的是方言。 "Yes," she said, looking up at him. "You're late! "Ay!" he replied, looking away into the wood. “是的。”她应道,抬头望着他。“你来晚了!”“是呀!”他应道,转头向林中张望。 She rose slowly, drawing aside her stool. 她慢慢站起身,把凳子拉到一旁。 "Did you want to come in?" she asked. “你要进来吗?”她问。 He looked down at her shrewdly. 他垂头看着她,两眼露出狡黠的目光。 "Won't folks be thinkin' some, you comin' here every night?" he said. “恁每晚都来,不会有人起疑吗?”他问。 "Why?" She looked up at him, at a loss. "I said I'd come. Nobody knows.” "They soon will, though," he replied. "An' what then?” She was at a loss for an answer. “为什么?”她不解地望着他,“我说过我会来。没人知道。”“可他们早晚会知道的,”他说,“那时怎么办才好?”她无言以对。 "Why should they know?" she said. “为什么他们会知道?”她问。 "Folks always does," he said fatally. “纸里包不住火。”他的答案直截了当。 Her lip quivered a little. 她的嘴唇微微颤抖起来。 "Well I can't help it," she faltered. “可我也没有办法。”她支吾着。 "Nay," he said. "You can help it by not comin' —if yer want to," he added, in a lower tone. “不。”他说。“恁有办法,不来这里会让一切平息——如果恁想这样做的话。”他低声补了一句。 "But I don't want to," she murmured. “可我不想那么做。”她咕哝着。 He looked away into the wood, and was silent. 他转投向树林张望,沉默不语。 "But what when folks finds out?" he asked at last. "Think about it! Think how lowered you'll feel, one of your husband's servants.” She looked up at his averted face. “可一旦被人发觉,到时候该怎么办?”末了,他问道。“试想一下!恁会感觉无地自容的,居然跟自己丈夫的仆人私通。”她抬头看着他侧转的脸。 "Is it," she stammered, "is it that you don't want me?” "Think!" he said. "Think what if folks find out Sir Clifford an'a’—an' everybody talkin' —” "Well, I can go away." "Where to?" "Anywhere! I've got money of my own. My mother left me twenty thousand pounds in trust, and I know Clifford can't touch it. I can go away.” "But 'appen you don't want to go away.” "Yes, yes! I don't care what happens to me.” "Ay, you think that! But you'll care! You'll have to care, everybody has. You've got to remember your Ladyship is carrying on with a game-keeper. It's not as if I was a gentleman. Yes, you'd care. You'd care.” "I shouldn't. What do I care about my ladyship! I hate it really. I feel people are jeering every time they say it. And they are, they are! Even you jeer when you say it.” "Me!" For the first time he looked straight at her, and into her eyes. "I don't jeer at you," he said. 她结结巴巴地说:“难道……难道你不想要我了?”“试想一下!”他说。“试想一下,要是被人发觉,克利福德爵士和……大家会怎么评论……”“那么,我可以离开这里。”“去哪儿?”“哪儿都行!我自己有积蓄。母亲留给我两万英镑,存在银行里,就算是克利福德也动不了它。我可以远走高飞。”“但恁并不想离开。”“我想离开!我不管以后会发生什么事。”“是吗?恁竟然这么想!可恁还是会在乎!恁肯定会在乎,人人都是如此。别忘了,恁这位尊贵的从男爵夫人,竟然跟个守林人纠缠不清。如果俺是贵族,那就另当别论。没错,恁会在乎。肯定会在乎的。”“我不在乎。从男爵夫人又算什么?我恨透了这个虚名。每次有人这样称呼我,语气中都充满嘲弄。他们都是这样,人人都不例外!甚至连你这样叫我时,我也感觉在被嘲弄。”“俺!”他头一遭直视着她,直视着她的双眸。“俺可没嘲弄恁。”他分辨道。 As he looked into her eyes she saw his own eyes go dark, quite dark, the pupils dilating. 当他紧盯着她的双眸,她发觉他的眼睛变得黯淡,愈发黯淡,瞳孔扩散开来。 "Don't you care about a' the risk?" he asked in a husky voice. "You should care. Don't care when it's too late! There was a curious warning pleading in his voice. “难道恁不在乎危险吗?”他问,声音变得嘶哑。“恁应该在乎。到时候后悔就晚了!”他的声调中诡谲地半是提醒,半是恳求。 "But I've nothing to lose," she said fretfully. "If you knew what it is, you'd think I'd be glad to lose it. But are you afraid for yourself?” "Ay!" he said briefly. "I am. I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid O' things.” "What things?" she asked. He gave a curious backward jerk of his head, indicating the outer world. “可我没什么可失去的。”她不耐烦地说。“要是你了解真相,会明白抛开这些我该多么开心。难道你在为自己担心?”“是呀!”他的回答简单明了。“的确如此。俺担心。俺担心。许多事让俺担心。”“什么事?”她追问道。他猛然把头向后扭去,暗示一切都归罪于外面的世界。 "Things! Everybody! The lot of 'em.” Then he bent down and suddenly kissed her unhappy face. “所有事物!所有人!一切的一切。”说完,他蓦地俯身,将吻印上她阴云密布的脸庞。 "Nay, I don't care," he said. "Let's have it, an' damn the rest. But if you was to feel sorry you'd ever done it—!” "Don't put me off," she pleaded. “不,俺不在乎。”他说。“咱们开始吧,其他的都见鬼去吧。可恁准会后悔做过这些——!”“不要离开我。”她恳求着。 He put his fingers to her cheek and kissed her again suddenly. 他抚摸着她的脸颊,再度轻啄一吻。 "Let me come in then," he said softly. "An' take off your mackintosh.” He hung up his gun, slipped out of his wet leather jacket, and reached for the blankets. “那让俺进屋吧。”他柔声说。“脱掉恁的雨衣。”他挂起猎枪,脱去湿漉漉的皮夹克,伸手去拿毯子。 "I brought another blanket," he said, "so we can put one over us if you like." "I can't stay long," she said. "Dinner is half-past seven.” He looked at her swiftly, then at his watch. “俺多带了条毯子,”他说,“你愿意的话,咱们可以盖着它。”“我不能呆太久。”她说“晚餐时间是七点半。”他匆匆瞅了她一眼,又低头看看手表。 "All right," he said. “好吧。”他说。 He shut the door, and lit a tiny light in the hanging hurricane lamp. "One time we'll have a long time," he said. 他关上门,点燃高悬着的小防风灯。“哪天我们多缠绵一会儿。”他说。 He put the blankets down carefully, one folded for her head. Then he sat down a moment on the stool, and drew her to him, holding her close with one arm, feeling for her body with his free hand. She heard the catch of his intaken breath as he found her. Under her frail petticoat she was naked. 他细心地铺好毯子,把其中一条折好,让她当枕头。接着,他在凳子上小坐片刻,将她拉入怀中,一只手紧紧拥着她,另一只手开始在她胴体上游移。她听得真切,他摸到自己的私处时,紧张得屏住了呼吸。那薄如蝉翼的衬裙下面,竟然不着寸缕。 "Eh! What it is to touch thee!" he said, as his finger caressed the delicate, warm, secret skin of her waist and hips. He put his face down and rubbed his cheek against her belly and against her thighs again and again. And again she wondered a little over the sort of rapture it was to him. She did not understand the beauty he found in her, through touch upon her living secret body, almost the ecstasy of beauty. For passion alone is awake to it. And when passion is dead, or absent, then the magnificent throb of beauty is incomprehensible and even a little despicable; warm, live beauty of contact, so much deeper than the beauty of vision. She felt the glide of his cheek on her thighs and belly and buttocks, and the close brushing of his moustache and his soft thick hair, and her knees began to quiver. Far down in her she felt a new stirring, a new nakedness emerging. And she was half afraid. Half she wished he would not caress her so. He was encompassing her somehow. Yet she was waiting, waiting. “喔!摸着恁简直太棒了!”他说,一边抚弄着她腰下和髋部隐秘处那细嫩温热的肌肤。他低下头,用脸颊反复蹭磨着她的小腹和大腿内侧。他对她身体痴迷的神态,再度让她感到有些惊异。他抚摸着她鲜活隐秘的肉体,体验到无与伦比的美感与欣喜若狂的滋味,而她却无法洞悉。只有激情才能意识到这种美。当激情停滞或者消逝,再无与伦比的美,也无从领悟,甚至毫无意义可言。通过温暖热烈的肉体接触,所体验到的美感,远比通过视觉的欣赏,来的强烈得多。她感觉得到,他的脸颊在自己的大腿、小腹以及臀部游走,他的胡须和柔软浓密的毛发近近轻拂着她。她的双膝不禁颤抖起来。她觉得灵魂深处涌动升腾着新的激情和赤裸。她倒有些害怕了。她半希望他别再这样热烈地爱抚自己。他双手环抱着她。她却仍在等待,等待着那一刻的到来。 And when he came into her, with an intensification of relief and consummation that was pure peace to him, still she was waiting. She felt herself a little left out. And she knew, partly it was her own fault. She willed herself into this separateness. Now perhaps she was condemned to it. She lay still, feeling his motion within her, his deep-sunk intentness, the sudden quiver of him at the springing of his seed, then the slow-subsiding thrust. That thrust of the buttocks, surely it was a little ridiculous. If you were a woman, and a part in all the business, surely that thrusting of the man's buttocks was supremely ridiculous. Surely the man was intensely ridiculous in this posture and this act! 当他进入她的身体,感觉到强烈的满足感,心湖的波澜霎时平息,而她仍在等待着。她觉得自己的精神有些抽离。而她也明白,这多半要归咎于自己。她的意志将自己导入这种灵肉分离的状态。或许她注定该受此惩罚。她躺在那里,动也不动,感受着他在自己体内来回抽动,他全力深入的意图,他精液喷射时的陡然战栗,以及逐渐减弱的挺动。那种臀部的挺动,确实有点滑稽可笑。如果你身为女人,又身临其境地参与过性爱的全过程,那么肯定会觉得男人屁股的挺动是极端可笑的。而在这一过程中,保持着这种动作和姿态的男人则更是滑稽透顶! But she lay still, without recoil. Even when he had finished, she did not rouse herself to get a grip on her own satisfaction, as she had done with Michaelis; she lay still, and the tears slowly filled and ran from her eyes. 但她仍一动不动地躺着,没有半点回应。甚至当他偃旗息鼓,她也没能兴奋起来,像与米凯利斯欢好时,追求自己的快感。她只是静静地躺着,任凭泪水慢慢盈满眼眶,悄然滑落。 He lay still, too. But he held her close and tried to cover her poor naked legs with his legs, to keep them warm. He lay on her with a close, undoubting warmth. 他同样趴在那里,动也不动。但却紧紧拥着她,用双腿牢牢将她赤裸的双腿压住,希冀能让它们暖和起来。他趴在她身上,让她切实地感受到温暖和亲近。 "Are yer cold?" he asked, in a soft, small voice, as if she were close, so close. Whereas she was left out, distant. “你冷吗?”他轻声问,声调极其柔和,似乎她离得如此之近,两人已经密不可分。然而,她却全然没有这种感受,反倒觉得彼此的距离依然遥远。 "No! But I must go," she said gently. “不冷!不过,我得回去了。”她柔声说。 He sighed, held her closer, then relaxed to rest again. 他叹口气,将她搂得更紧,然后又放松开来。 He had not guessed her tears. He thought she was there with him. 他没能猜透她眼泪的含义。他以为她此刻的感受与自己一样。 "I must go," she repeated. “我得回去了。”她重复道。 He lifted himself kneeled beside her a moment, kissed the inner side of her thighs, then drew down her skirts, buttoning his own clothes unthinking, not even turning aside, in the faint, faint light from the lantern. 他直起身子,跪在她的身旁不愿离去,吻着她的大腿内侧,然后帮她把裙子整理好,借着油灯那微弱昏黄的光线,利落地穿好衣服,整个过程始终面对着康妮。 "Tha mun come ter th' cottage one time," he said, looking down at her with a warm, sure, easy face. “哪天去俺家。”他低头望着她说,脸上的表情显得热忱真诚,信心满满,而又轻松自得。 But she lay there inert, and was gazing up at him thinking: Stranger! Stranger! She even resented him a little. 但她仍旧呆呆地躺在那里,直勾勾地盯着他看,心里想着:这不过是个陌生人!陌生人!丝丝恨意涌上心头。 He put on his coat and looked for his hat, which had fallen, then he slung on his gun. 他穿好外衣,把帽子从地上捡起来,跨上猎枪。 "Come then!" he said, looking down at her with those warm, peaceful sort of eyes. “动身吧!”他说,低头看着她,眼神温存而又平和。 She rose slowly. She didn't want to go. She also rather resented staying. He helped her with her thin waterproof and saw she was tidy. 她慢慢站起身来。她并不愿离去。但也不想留在这里。他帮她披上那件单薄的雨衣,检查周身穿戴是否整齐。 Then he opened the door. The outside was quite dark. The faithful dog under the porch stood up with pleasure seeing him. The drizzle of rain drifted greyly past upon the darkness. It was quite dark. 他打开门。天色已晚。忠诚的猎犬原本趴在门廊下,看到主人出来,愉快地立起身子。灰蒙蒙的细雨划过夜空。夜已深沉。 "Ah mun ta' e th' lantern," he said. "The'll be nob'dy.” He walked just before her in the narrow path, swinging the hurricane lamp low, revealing the wet grass, the black shiny tree-roots like snakes, wan flowers. For the rest, all was grey rain-mist and complete darkness. “俺把灯捎着。”他说。“不会有人发现的。”两人顺着狭窄的小径前行,他在前面引路,手里的防风灯提得很低,左右摇摆着,照亮湿漉漉的草丛,蛇一般黑亮的树根,以及色彩黯淡的花朵。除此之外,只剩下灰白的雨雾,无垠的黑暗。 "Tha mun come to the cottage one time," he said, "shall ta? We might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb." It puzzled her, his queer, persistent wanting her, when there was nothing between them, when he never really spoke to her, and in spite of herself she resented the dialect. His "tha mun come' seemed not addressed to her, but some common woman. She recognized the foxglove leaves of the riding and knew, more or less, where they were. “哪天去俺家,”他说,“咋样?咱们干脆一不做二不休。”他那样偏执地渴望着她,让她感到迷惑不解,因为两人间此前几乎没有任何交集,他从来没有正经地跟她交谈过,而且她对那土腔土调又莫名地厌恶。他那句“来俺家”似乎并不是在对她说,而是跟某个粗俗的婆娘在交谈。她发现马道上的毛地黄叶,对两人此刻所处的位置,已大概有数。 "It's quarter past seven," he said, "you'll do it.” He had changed his voice, seemed to feel her distance. As they turned the last bend in the riding towards the hazel wall and the gate, he blew out the light. "We'll see from here," be said, taking her gently by the arm. “现在是七点一刻,”他说,“你赶得及回家吃晚餐。”似乎觉察到她疏离的态度,他收起土语。他俩走过马道最末的拐弯处,前面就是低矮的榛丛以及花园的大门,他将灯吹熄。“在这儿会被人发现的。”他解释道,轻轻挽起她的胳膊。 But it was difficult, the earth under their feet was a mystery, but he felt his way by tread: he was used to it. At the gate he gave her his electric torch. "It's a bit lighter in the park," he said; "but take it for fear you get off th' path.” It was true, there seemed a ghost-glimmer of greyness in the open space of the park. He suddenly drew her to him and whipped his hand under her dress again, feeling her warm body with his wet, chill hand. 摸黑走夜路确实不太容易,完全不清楚脚下的状况,但好在他早已习惯如此,能够用脚试探着前进。到了园门外,他把自己的手电筒交给她。“花园里亮堂许多,”他说,“但还是带上它,以免迷路。”他说的没错,空旷的花园里,似乎闪烁着幽暗的鬼火。他猛地将她揽入怀中,将潮湿冰冷的手探入她的衣裙,摸索着那温热的肉体。 "I could die for the touch of a woman like thee," he said in his throat. "If tha' would stop another minute.” She felt the sudden force of his wanting her again. “能摸到想恁这样的女人,俺死也甘愿。”他的声音变得嘶哑。“再让俺摸一分钟吧。”她感觉到他的欲火再度燃起。 "No, I must run," she said, a little wildly. “不行,我必须快点赶回去。”她说,有些乱了分寸。 "Ay," he replied, suddenly changed, letting her go. “是呀。”他叹道,突然偃旗息鼓,将她放开。 She turned away, and on the instant she turned back to him saying: "Kiss me." He bent over her indistinguishable and kissed her on the left eye. She held her mouth and he softly kissed it, but at once drew away. He hated mouth kisses. 她背过脸去,但又立刻转身对他说:“吻我。”暗夜里伸手不见五指,他俯下身体,亲吻着她的左眼。她扬起嘴唇,他轻啄后,随即挪开。他不喜欢湿吻。 "I'll come tomorrow," she said, drawing away; "if I can," she added. “我明天再来,”她边说,边挣脱他的怀抱,“要是有机会的话,”她补充道。 "Ay! Not so late," he replied out of the darkness. Already she could not see him at all. “是呀!别来得太晚。”黑暗中,只听得见他的声音。她已经完全看不到他的身影。 "Goodnight," she said. “晚安。”她说。 "Goodnight, your Ladyship," his voice. “晚安,夫人。”他回答。 She stopped and looked back into the wet dark. She could just see the bulk of him. "Why did you say that?" she said. 她停住脚步,回头望向细雨霏霏的暗夜。她只能辨出他的轮廓。“你为什么还那样称呼我?”她问。 "Nay," he replied. "Goodnight then, run!" She plunged on in the dark-grey tangible night. She found the side-door open, and slipped into her room unseen. As she closed the door the gong sounded, but she would take her bath all the same—she must take her bath. "But I won't be late any more," she said to herself; "it's too annoying.” The next day she did not go to the wood. She went instead with Clifford to Uthwaite. He could occasionally go out now in the car, and had got a strong young man as chauffeur, who could help him out of the car if need be. He particularly wanted to see his godfather, Leslie Winter, who lived at Shipley Hall, not far from Uthwaite. Winter was an elderly gentleman now, wealthy, one of the wealthy coal-owners who had had their hey-day in King Edward's time. King Edward had stayed more than once at Shipley, for the shooting. It was a handsome old stucco hall, very elegantly appointed, for Winter was a bachelor and prided himself on his style; but the place was beset by collieries. Leslie Winter was attached to Clifford, but personally did not entertain a great respect for him, because of the photographs in illustrated papers and the literature. The old man was a buck of the King Edward school, who thought life was life and the scribbling fellows were something else. Towards Connie the Squire was always rather gallant; he thought her an attractive demure maiden and rather wasted on Clifford, and it was a thousand pities she stood no chance of bringing forth an heir to Wragby. He himself had no heir. “下不为例。”他回答。“那么,晚安,快点赶路!”他消失在深灰色暗沉的夜里。她发现侧门尚未上锁,就借道溜回自己房间,没被任何人察觉。刚刚掩上门,就听到开饭的锣声响起,尽管如此,她还是要洗个澡——她必须这样做。“可我不会再这么晚回来,”她告诫自己,“太让人手忙脚乱了。”第二天,她没去成树林。她而是陪克利福德去了趟乌斯维特。现在,他时常乘车外出,得雇个年轻强壮的司机,需要时还得靠他帮忙,将克利福德从车里搀扶下来。更重要的是拜望他的教父,莱斯利·温特,这位老先生住在史普利府,距离乌斯维特不远。温特是位家资殷实的老绅士,爱德华王(注:1841-1910,英国统治者)在位时,也曾是显赫一时的煤矿主。爱德华王外出游猎时,曾在数次史普利下榻。那是座气派的古老宅邸,用灰泥粉饰,布置得优雅华丽,因为温特至今独身,对自己的情调颇感骄傲。唯一的不足之处是,整座宅邸被煤矿所环抱。虽说两人关系匪浅,但因为对克利福德刊登于各类画报的照片以及文学作品不屑一顾,温特的态度有些不冷不热。这位老先生是位地道的纨绔子弟,秉承爱德华王在位时的社会风尚,认为生活就是生活,而舞文弄墨的家伙们则是另一回事。而对康妮,这位乡绅则总是殷勤备至。在他看来,她丰姿绰约,端庄秀丽,宛若处女,许配给克利福德,简直是鲜花插在牛粪上,她没能给拉格比生位小少爷,实在是令人扼腕。他自己就没有子嗣。 Connie wondered what he would say if he knew that Clifford's game-keeper had been having intercourse with her, and saying to her "tha mun come to th' cottage one time." he would detest and despise her, for he had come almost to hate the shoving forward of the working classes. A man of her own class he would not mind, for Connie was gifted from nature with this appearance of demure, submissive maidenliness, and perhaps it was part of her nature. Winter called her "dear child" and gave her a rather lovely miniature of an eighteenth-century lady, rather against her will. 康妮想知道,要是他晓得克利福德的守林人跟她私通,并用土话对她说“哪天来俺家”,他会作何评价。他会对她深恶痛绝,嗤之以鼻,因为他对工人阶级的反抗浪潮切齿痛恨。如果她的情郎同样来自贵族阶级,他则半点都不会介意,因为康妮生来端庄娴静,柔顺谦和,或许讨人喜欢也是她与生俱来的特点。温特称呼她为“亲爱的孩子”,非要送她一幅18世纪贵妇的精巧微缩画像,康妮本不想接受,但实在是却之不恭。 But Connie was preoccupied with her affair with the keeper. After all, Mr. Winter, who was really a gentleman and a man of the world, treated her as a person and a discriminating individual; he did not lump her together with all the rest of his female womanhood in his "thee" and "tha". 但康妮满脑子想的,都是与守林人的情事。不过,温特先生确实是位绅士,出身高贵,将她视为真正的人,视为独特的个体,并没把她与其余的庸脂俗粉相提并论,他称她们为“您”或者“您们”。 She did not go to the wood that day nor the next, nor the day following. She did not go so long as she felt, or imagined she felt, the man waiting for her, wanting her. But the fourth day she was terribly unsettled and uneasy. She still refused to go to the wood and open her thighs once more to the man. She thought of all the things she might do—drive to Sheffield, pay visits, and the thought of all these things was repellent. At last she decided to take a walk, not towards the wood, but in the opposite direction; she would go to Marehay, through the little iron gate in the other side of the park fence. It was a quiet grey day of spring, almost warm. She walked on unheeding, absorbed in thoughts she was not even conscious of She was not really aware of anything outside her, till she was startled by the loud barking of the dog at Marehay Farm. Marehay Farm! Its pastures ran up to Wragby park fence, so they were neighbours, but it was some time since Connie had called. 那天及此后两天,她都没到树林去。她始终觉得,或者说想象自己觉得,那男人期待着她,对她充满渴望。因此就选择暂时不再露面。但等到第四天,她的决心终于有所动摇,变得心神不宁。她仍不情愿再去树林,再为那臭男人张开双腿。她想遍了自己可做的事情——乘车去谢菲尔德,走亲访友,但这些都非为她所愿。最终,她还是打算出去散散心,但并非去树林,而是往相反的方向。经过花园篱笆另一侧的小铁门,她直奔马勒哈伊。那是个寂静的春日,天灰蒙蒙的,凉意几乎已经褪尽。她信步而行,沉浸在无尽的思绪里,对四周的事物全然不觉,直到被马勒哈伊农场大声的犬吠惊醒。马勒哈伊农场!这里的牧场延伸到拉格比庄园的围墙边,因此算得上是近邻,但康妮已经许久没有到过这儿。 "Bell!" she said to the big white bull-terrier. "Bell! Have you forgotten me? Don't you know me?” She was afraid of dogs, and Bell stood back and bellowed, and she wanted to pass through the farmyard on to the warren path. “贝尔!”她呼唤着那只硕大的白色牛头梗,“贝尔!你已经忘记我了么?难道你不记得我了?”她本就怕狗,而贝尔则后退几步,继续猛吠着。她想穿过农家院落,绕到通往畜牧场的路上去。 Mrs. Flint appeared. She was a woman of Constance's own age, had been a school-teacher, but Connie suspected her of being rather a false little thing. 弗林特太太姗姗来迟。她跟康妮年龄相仿,从教多年,但康妮始终怀疑,她是个虚伪狭隘的女人。 "Why, it's Lady Chatterley! Why!” And Mrs. Flint's eyes glowed again, and she flushed like a young girl. "Bell, Bell. Why! Barking at Lady Chatterley! Bell! Be quiet!" She darted forward and slashed at the dog with a white cloth she held in her hand, then came forward to Connie. “哟,是查泰莱夫人!哎哟!”弗林特太太的双目闪烁起光芒,脸涨得通红,像个小姑娘。“贝尔,贝尔。怎么回事!竟敢朝着查泰莱夫人乱吼!贝尔!住嘴!”她冲上前来,挥舞着手里的白手巾,把狗赶跑,接着走到康妮切近。 "She used to know me," said Connie, shaking hands. The Flints were Chatterley tenants. “她以前认识我的。”康妮边说,边与她握手致意。弗林特家是查泰莱家的佃户。 "Of course she knows your Ladyship! She's just showing off," said Mrs. Flint, glowing and looking up with a sort of flushed confusion, "but it's so long since she's seen you. I do hope you are better.” "Yes thanks, I'm all right.” "We've hardly seen you all winter. Will you come in and look at the baby?” "Well! "Connie hesitated. "Just for a minute." Mrs. Flint flew wildly in to tidy up, and Connie came slowly after her, hesitating in the rather dark kitchen where the kettle was boiling by the fire. Back came Mrs. Flint. “她当然认识夫人您!她只是想引起您的注意。”弗林特太太解释道,两眼放光,满面潮红,诚惶诚恐地抬头望着康妮,“但她实在太久没见您了。我衷心希望您贵体安康。”“谢谢,我很好。”“几乎整个冬天都没见到您。你愿意进屋来,看看我家宝宝吗?”“哦!”康妮有些迟疑,“就呆一会儿。”弗林特太太连忙冲进屋去收拾,而康妮则不紧不慢地跟在她身后,在颇为昏暗的厨房里犹豫不前,炉火边壶里的水正在沸腾着。弗林特太太掉头回来。 "I do hope you'll excuse me," she said. "Will you come in here?" They went into the living-room, where a baby was sitting on the rag hearth rug, and the table was roughly set for tea. A young servant-girl backed down the passage, shy and awkward. “请您原谅我如此冒昧。”她说。“请进。”两人来到起居室,破旧的炉边毡垫上,坐着个小婴儿,茶具杂乱无章地摆在桌上。年轻的女仆慌张地退进走廊,满含羞赧,手脚也不利落。 The baby was a perky little thing of about a year, with red hair like its father, and cheeky pale-blue eyes. It was a girl, and not to be daunted. It sat among cushions and was surrounded with rag dolls and other toys in modern excess. 那婴儿一岁左右,是个活泼的小家伙,火红的头发随父亲,淡蓝色的双目炯炯有神。那是个女孩,一点也不认生。她坐在垫子中间,周围堆满布洋娃娃和其他时兴的玩具。 "Why, what a dear she is!" said Connie, "and how she's grown! A big girl! A big girl!” She had given it a shawl when it was born, and celluloid ducks for Christmas. “啊,她多可爱呀!”康妮赞叹道,“她长得真快!已经是大姑娘了!地道的大姑娘了!”小家伙出生时,康妮送过一条围巾,还送过几支赛璐珞玩具鸭,作为圣诞礼物。 "There, Josephine! Who's that come to see you? Who's this, Josephine? Lady Chatterley—you know Lady Chatterley, don't you?” The queer pert little mite gazed cheekily at Connie. Ladyships were still all the same to her. “嘿,约瑟芬!瞧瞧谁来看你了?这是谁呀,约瑟芬?查泰莱夫人——你认识查泰莱夫人的,不是吗?”这个小家伙古灵精怪,活泼聪颖,毫无怯意地盯着康妮。对她来说,从男爵夫人啥都不是。 "Come! Will you come to me?" said Connie to the baby. “过来!来我这边好吗?”康妮召唤着小婴儿。 The baby didn't care one way or another, so Connie picked her up and held her in her lap. How warm and lovely it was to hold a child in one's lap, and the soft little arms, the unconscious cheeky little legs. 小家伙还没什么主见,于是康妮把她抱起来,放在自己膝上。把小宝宝拥在膝上,多么地温暖,多么地愉快,那柔嫩的小胳膊,乱踢乱蹬的小腿。 "I was just having a rough cup of tea all by myself. Luke's gone to market, so I can have it when I like. Would you care for a cup, Lady Chatterley? I don't suppose it's what you're used to, but if you would...” Connie would, though she didn't want to be reminded of what she was used to. There was a great relaying of the table, and the best cups brought and the best tea-pot. “我正打算自己鼓捣点茶喝。卢克去市场了,什么时候喝下午茶,全凭我自己做主。留下喝一杯好吗,查泰莱夫人?想必这茶不会有您习惯喝的那么香醇,但如果您愿意的话……”虽然不想人家提及自己平常的习惯,但康妮还是愿意留下来。桌子经过大幅重新布置,摆上最好的茶壶和茶杯。 "If only you wouldn't take any trouble," said Connie. “只要不会给您添麻烦。”康妮说。 But if Mrs. Flint took no trouble, where was the fun! So Connie played with the child and was amused by its little female dauntlessness, and got a deep voluptuous pleasure out of its soft young warmth. Young life! And so fearless! So fearless, because so defenceless. All the other people, so narrow with fear! 但如果弗林特太太不麻烦,那乐趣又何在呢?这样,康妮就可以顺理成章地逗弄可爱的宝宝,她被小姑娘初生牛犊似的勇敢劲儿逗得乐不可支。这幼小生命的柔嫩与温暖,让她体验到强烈的感官刺激。年幼的生命!如此地无畏!毫无自卫能力,因而如此无所畏惧。而那些成年人却总因为恐惧,而谨小慎微! She had a cup of tea, which was rather strong, and very good bread and butter, and bottled damsons. Mrs. Flint flushed and glowed and bridled with excitement, as if Connie were some gallant knight. And they had a real female chat, and both of them enjoyed it. 她喝了一杯茶,甚是香醇,奶油面包非常道地,配以瓶装的李子。弗林特太太脸色绯红,全身发烫,极力遏制着自己激动的心情,好像坐在面前的康妮是位英姿勃发的骑士。她俩聊得全是女人间的话题,且都感觉十分尽兴。 "It's a poor little tea, though," said Mrs. Flint. “抱歉,茶很难合您的意。”弗林特太太说。 "It's much nicer than at home," said Connie truthfully. “比在家里喝到的还要醇厚很多。”康妮由衷地说。 "Oh-h!" said Mrs. Flint, not believing, of course. “噢!”弗林特太太说,当然,她认为这只是客套。 But at last Connie rose. 最后,康妮起身告辞。 "I must go," she said. "My husband has no idea where I am. He'll be wondering all kinds of things.” "He'll never think you're here," laughed Mrs. Flint excitedly. "He'll be sending the crier round.” "Goodbye, Josephine," said Connie, kissing the baby and ruffling its red, wispy hair. “我得回去了。”她说。“我丈夫不晓得我去了哪里。他会胡思乱想的。”“他绝对想不到您会来这儿。”弗林特太太笑得很开心。“他会派人到处找您的。”“再见,约瑟芬。”康妮说完,低头亲吻可爱的小姑娘,抚摸着她柔软的红发。 Mrs. Flint insisted on opening the locked and barred front door. Connie emerged in the farm's little front garden, shut in by a privet hedge. There were two rows of auriculas by the path, very velvety and rich. 前门原本已经闩住,但弗林特太太坚持要将它打开。康妮置身于农场前端小巧的花园中,四周被女贞树篱所环抱。沿路种着两排报春花,如丝般柔软,色泽鲜艳。 "Lovely auriculas," said Connie. “多美的报春花。”康妮说。 "Recklesses, as Luke calls them," laughed Mrs. Flint. "Have some." And eagerly she picked the velvet and primrose flowers. “卢克叫它们冒失鬼,”弗林特太太笑着说,“带点回去吧。”她热情备至,采下许多柔软的嫩黄色报春花。 "Enough! Enough!" said Connie. “够了!够了!”康妮说。 They came to the little garden gate. 两人来到花园门口。 "Which way were you going?" asked Mrs. Flint. “您来时走得哪条路?”弗林特太太问。 "By the Warren." "Let me see! Oh yes, the cows are in the gin close. But they're not up yet. But the gate's locked, you'll have to climb.” "I can climb," said Connie. “畜牧场旁边那条。”“让我先看看!哦,对了,奶牛都还在圈里。可它们都还没起来呢。门也上着锁,您必须要翻墙而过。”“我做得到。”康妮说。 "Perhaps I can just go down the close with you." They went down the poor, rabbit-bitten pasture. Birds were whistling in wild evening triumph in the wood. A man was calling up the last cows, which trailed slowly over the path-worn pasture. “我可以陪您到篱笆墙边。”她俩走过从草场走过,那里早被啃青的兔子糟蹋得不成样子。林中的鸟儿啾唧着,唱出夜晚的胜利之歌。有人呼喝着迟归的牛群,顺着经年累月踩出的小径,慢吞吞地踱过草场。 "They're late, milking, tonight," said Mrs. Flint severely. "They know Luke won't be back till after dark.” They came to the fence, beyond which the young fir-wood bristled dense. There was a little gate, but it was locked. In the grass on the inside stood a bottle, empty. “他们今天挤奶挤晚了,”弗林特太太严肃地说,“他们知道卢克天黑后才能回来。”她俩来到栅栏边,杉树丛矗立在远处,棵棵枝繁叶茂。篱笆间的小门上着锁。草丛中放着个空瓶子。 "There's the keeper's empty bottle for his milk," explained Mrs. Flint. "We bring it as far as here for him, and then he fetches it himself" "When?" said Connie. “那是守林人的空奶瓶。”弗林特太太解释说。“我们给他搁在这里,他自己会过来取。”“什么时候?”康妮问。 "Oh, any time he's around. Often in the morning. Well, goodbye Lady Chatterley! And do come again. It was so lovely having you.” Connie climbed the fence into the narrow path between the dense, bristling young firs. Mrs. Flint went running back across the pasture, in a sun-bonnet, because she was really a schoolteacher. Constance didn't like this dense new part of the wood; it seemed gruesome and choking. She hurried on with her head down, thinking of the Flints' baby. It was a dear little thing, but it would be a bit bow-legged like its father. It showed already, but perhaps it would grow out of it. How warm and fulfilling somehow to have a baby, and how Mrs. Flint had showed it off! She had something anyhow that Connie hadn't got, and apparently couldn't have. Yes, Mrs. Flint had flaunted her motherhood. And Connie had been just a bit, just a little bit jealous. She couldn't help it. “噢,顺路过来的时候。通常是早晨。哦,再见,查泰莱夫人!请务必再来做客。能招待您让我倍感荣幸。”康妮翻过篱笆,踏上那条茂密的杉树丛掩映的窄径。弗林特太太穿过草场,直奔自家的方向跑去,头上的遮阳帽证明她是如假包换的老师。康妮对这片新植的茂密树林没什么好感,这里让人感到毛骨悚然,几乎透不过气。她低着头,加紧脚步往回赶,心里惦念着弗林特家的女孩。真是个惹人爱的小家伙,只是像父亲一样,有点罗圈腿。现在就已有些征兆,但或许长大了会好些。有个孩子多么贴心,多么有成就感,瞧弗林特太太那副志得意满的样子!她拥有康妮所没有的东西,显然也无法企及。没错,弗林特太太之所以神气活现,正因为身为人母。康妮心里感到有点妒忌,稍稍觉得有些醋意。但又无可奈何。 She started out of her muse, and gave a little cry of fear. A man was there. 她从冥想状态惊醒,惊叫出声。前面居然有人。 It was the keeper. He stood in the path like Balaam's ass, barring her way. 碰到的竟然是守林人。他站在路当央,像是巴兰的驴子(注:巴兰是《圣经》中的一位先知,受命诅咒以色列人,但遭到所骑驴子的谴责,转而祝福以色列人。),挡住康妮的归途。 "How's this?" he said in surprise. “你怎么会在这儿?”他惊讶地问。 "How did you come?" she panted. “你怎么来了?”她喘着粗气。 "How did you? Have you been to the hut?" "No! No! I went to Marehay." He looked at her curiously, searchingly, and she hung her head a little guiltily. “你呢?到小屋去过吗?”“不!没有!我去了趟马勒哈伊。”他紧紧盯着她,锐利的目光中充满疑问,她微微垂下头,似乎感到有些愧疚。 "And were you going to the hut now?" he asked rather sternly. "No! I mustn't. I stayed at Marehay. No one knows where I am. I'm late. I've got to run.” "Giving me the slip, like?" he said, with a faint ironic smile. "No! No. Not that. Only—” "Why, what else?" he said. And he stepped up to her and put his arms around her. She felt the front of his body terribly near to her, and alive. “现在是要去小屋吗?”他问,语气中透露出不悦。“不!我不能去。我在马勒哈伊逗留了一会儿。家里人都不知道我去了哪里。时间不早了。我得快点往回赶。”“像是要甩掉我吧?”他面带冷笑说。“不!不。不是那样的。只不过——”“哦,还有别的理由?”他说。他上前两步,伸出双臂,将她揽入怀中。她感到他的勃起的阳具紧贴着自己的身体,生龙活虎。 "Oh, not now, not now," she cried, trying to push him away. “哦,现在不行,现在不可以。”她叫嚷着,奋力想要将他推开。 "Why not? It's only six o'clock. You've got half an hour. Nay! Nay! I want you.” He held her fast and she felt his urgency. Her old instinct was to fight for her freedom. But something else in her was strange and inert and heavy. His body was urgent against her, and she hadn't the heart any more to fight. “为什么不行?才六点而已。你还有半小时呢。不!不!我要你。”他死死将她搂住,她感觉到他急不可待的心情。陈腐的本能驱使她奋力挣扎。但内心深处却升腾起某种异样的感觉,让她的身体变得迟钝而又沉重。他的肉身再度急切地抵住她,她已经彻底放弃挣扎的想法。 He looked around. 他环顾四周。 "Come—come here! Through here," he said, looking penetratingly into the dense fir-trees, that were young and not more than half-grown. “过来——来这里!从这儿穿过去。”他指挥着,敏锐的目光透过稠密的杉树丛,这些年幼的植物远远称不上参天大树。 He looked back at her. She saw his eyes, tense and brilliant, fierce, not loving. But her will had left her. A strange weight was on her limbs. She was giving way. She was giving up. 他回头看着她。四目相接,她发觉他明亮的眼睛透露出紧张热烈的情绪,但却不见半点爱怜。但她已经无法控制自己的意志。四肢变得异常沉重。她让步了。她屈服了。 He led her through the wall of prickly trees, that were difficult to come through, to a place where was a little space and a pile of dead boughs. He threw one or two dry ones down, put his coat and waistcoat over them, and she had to lie down there under the boughs of the tree, like an animal, while he waited, standing there in his shirt and breeches, watching her with haunted eyes. But still he was provident—he made her lie properly, properly. Yet he broke the band of her underclothes, for she did not help him, only lay inert. 他带她穿过生满芒刺的树丛,这是段颇为艰难的旅程,来到一片狭小的空地,旁边有堆枯枝。他捡几根扔在空地上,将自己的外衣和马甲铺在上面,她只得像母兽般卧在树底。而他只穿着衬衣和马裤,站在一旁急切地等待着,疯魔似的双眼死盯着她。但他仍算体贴入微——让她躺得舒舒服服。不过,他还是扯断了她内衣肩带,因为她并不配合,动也不动地躺着。 He too had bared the front part of his body and she felt his naked flesh against her as he came into her. For a moment he was still inside her, turgid there and quivering. Then as he began to move, in the sudden helpless orgasm, there awoke in her new strange thrills rippling inside her. Rippling, rippling, rippling, like a flapping overlapping of soft flames, soft as feathers, running to points of brilliance, exquisite, exquisite and melting her all molten inside. It was like bells rippling up and up to a culmination. She lay unconscious of the wild little cries she uttered at the last. But it was over too soon, too soon, and she could no longer force her own conclusion with her own activity. This was different, different. She could do nothing. She could no longer harden and grip for her own satisfaction upon him. She could only wait, wait and moan in spirit as she felt him withdrawing, withdrawing and contracting, coming to the terrible moment when he would slip out of her and be gone. Whilst all her womb was open and soft, and softly clamouring, like a sea-anemone under the tide, clamouring for him to come in again and make a fulfilment for her. She clung to him unconscious in passion, and he never quite slipped from her, and she felt the soft bud of him within her stirring, and strange rhythms flushing up into her with a strange rhythmic growing motion, swelling and swelling till it filled all her cleaving consciousness, and then began again the unspeakable motion that was not really motion, but pure deepening whirlpools of sensation swirling deeper and deeper through all her tissue and consciousness, till she was one perfect concentric fluid of feeling, and she lay there crying in unconscious inarticulate cries. 他同样敞开衣衫,交合的瞬间,她感到他赤裸的肉体紧紧贴着自己。他并没有立即开始抽动,只是膨胀着,战栗着。而抽动的号角吹响,突如其来的快感简直不可遏制,体内愉悦的感受彻底被唤醒,既新鲜,又美妙。这种感觉拨动着,起伏着,奔涌着,像飘摇交叠的火焰,如羽毛般轻柔,奔向美轮美奂的顶端,那样炽热,那样强烈,融化着她体内业已融化的一切。好似越敲越响的钟声,此起彼伏,直至响彻云霄。她躺在那里,全然不觉自己最终发出狂野而短促的叫声。但整个过程结束得太过迅速,迅速到她还没来得及回应他的抽动,以达到自己的高潮。这次却与以往不同。她无能为力。她不再将强求他保持坚挺,从而满足自己的欲望。当感觉到他慢慢抽出,慢慢变软,最终将自己体内滑出时,她只能等待着,等待着,心底默默发出呻吟。而此刻,她的子宫已经完全张开,轻柔地表露出自己的愿望,如同潮汐下隐藏的海葵,渴望他能够卷土重来,将自己送上快乐的巅峰。火热的激情让她意乱情迷,紧紧依偎在他身上,他并没有彻底从他的体内滑出,相反,伴随着她奇异的节奏,以难以形容的方式向里挺进,不断膨胀,直到将她空洞的意识完全填满。接着,他又开始某种莫可名状的抽动,其实那并非真正的抽动,只是冲击着心灵深处的情感漩涡,不停搅动着,深入着,穿透她的灵与肉,直到她的意识潮流完美地汇聚于一点。她躺在那里,心醉神迷地发出含混的叫声。 The voice out of the uttermost night, the life! The man heard it beneath him with a kind of awe, as his life sprang out into her. And as it subsided, he subsided too and lay utterly still, unknowing, while her grip on him slowly relaxed, and she lay inert. And they lay and knew nothing, not even of each other, both lost. Till at last he began to rouse and become aware of his defenceless nakedness, and she was aware that his body was loosening its clasp on her. He was coming apart; but in her breast she felt she could not bear him to leave her uncovered. He must cover her now for ever. 这声音来自无尽的黑夜,来自鲜活的生命!男人怀着敬畏的心情,倾听着身下女人的叫喊,同时将自己生命的种子喷洒在她的体内。呻吟声逐渐减弱,他也偃旗息鼓,趴在她的身上一动不动,似乎已经失去意识,她也慢慢放开对他的束缚,慵懒地躺在原地。他俩相拥而卧,将世间万物都彻底抛开,甚至忘却了对方的存在,完完全全沉醉其中。最终,他慢慢转醒过来,意识到自己毫无防备地裸露着身体,而她也觉察到他紧拥着自己的身体逐渐放松。他要抽身离开,似乎要任凭她裸露在光天化日之下,她的心里却无法容忍这样的行为。从现在起,他必须时刻保护着她。 But he drew away at last, and kissed her and covered her over, and began to cover himself She lay looking up to the boughs of the tree, unable as yet to move. He stood and fastened up his breeches, looking round. All was dense and silent, save for the awed dog that lay with its paws against its nose. He sat down again on the brushwood and took Connie's hand in silence. 但他终于还是翻身离开,吻着她,遮盖住她的胴体,开始穿衣服。她静静躺着,仰望着头顶的枝桠,依然无法动弹半分。他站起身,蹬上马裤,四处张望着。在树丛的遮蔽下,一切寂静如初,只有那支受惊的猎犬趴在旁边,鼻子紧挨着两只前爪。他重新坐在堆好的枝桠上面,悄无声息地握住康妮的柔荑。 She turned and looked at him. "We came off together that time," he said. 她转过脸,望着他。“这次我们同时达到高潮。”他说。 She did not answer. 她没有回应。 "It's good when it's like that. Most folks live their lives through and they never know it," he said, speaking rather dreamily. “这样简直太美妙了。大多数人空活一世,却从来没有体验过这种感觉。”他说,语调轻柔得如同置身梦境。 She looked into his brooding face. 她凝视着他若有所思的脸庞。 "Do they?" she said. "Are you glad?" He looked back into her eyes. "Glad," he said, "Ay, but never mind." He did not want her to talk. And he bent over her and kissed her, and she felt, so he must kiss her for ever. “是吗?”她问,“你开心么?”他扭头望向她的眼睛。“开心,”他说,“是呀,先不提这些了。”他不希望她说下去。他俯身亲吻着她,她觉得,这一吻将持续到地老天荒。 At last she sat up. 最终,她坐起身来。 "Don't people often come off together?" she asked with naive curiosity. “人们当真很少同时体验到高潮吗?”她好奇地问,显得天真无邪。 "A good many of them never. You can see by the raw look of them." He spoke unwittingly, regretting he had begun. “许多人都从未有过。从他们丧气样,就可见一斑。”他无心刺到她的痛处,说完后也深感后悔。 "Have you come off like that with other women?" He looked at her amused. “你和其他女人一起到过吗?”他望着她,心里觉得有些好笑。 "I don't know," he said, "I don't know.” And she knew he would never tell her anything he didn't want to tell her. She watched his face, and the passion for him moved in her bowels. She resisted it as far as she could, for it was the loss of herself to herself. “我不记得了,”他说,“都忘记了。”她清楚,那些他不愿让她知晓的事情,他不会透露半字。她盯着他的脸庞,热烈的爱意在心底翻涌。她竭力抑制着这种情绪,因为那样会让她迷失自我。 He put on his waistcoat and his coat, and pushed a way through to the path again. 他穿上马甲和外衣,挤过树丛,重新踏上通往拉格比的小路。 The last level rays of the sun touched the wood. "I won't come with you," he said; "better not." She looked at him wistfully before she turned. His dog was waiting so anxiously for him to go, and he seemed to have nothing whatever to say. Nothing left. 夕阳洒落最后几缕余光,给树林着上金色。“我不送你了,”他说,“还是不送为好。”她依依不舍地望着他,最终转身离去。猎犬正焦急地等着主人启程返家,他似乎已经说完所有该说的话。没有半句遗漏。 Connie went slowly home, realizing the depth of the other thing in her. Another self was alive in her, burning molten and soft in her womb and bowels, and with this self she adored him. She adored him till her knees were weak as she walked. In her womb and bowels she was flowing and alive now and vulnerable, and helpless in adoration of him as the most naive woman. It feels like a child, she said to herself it feels like a child in me. And so it did, as if her womb, that had always been shut, had opened and filled with new life, almost a burden, yet lovely. 康妮脚步徐缓,踏上回家的路,意识到内心深处潜伏着另一个自我。这个自我如今活跃异常,它灼热地燃烧着,让子宫及脏腑中的一切尽数熔化变软,对他顶礼膜拜。这样的爱慕让她走路时都感觉两膝发软。这个自我正在她的子宫和脏腑里起伏跳跃,有几位脆弱,如同天真烂漫的少女,不可救药地思慕着他。它就像个活生生的婴孩,她默默自语,它就像在我体内成长着的婴孩。的确如此,似乎她那封闭已久的子宫已经开启,承载着新的生命,虽然是种负担,但却让人倍感愉悦。 "If I had a child!" she thought to herself; "if I had him inside me as a child!"—and her limbs turned molten at the thought, and she realized the immense difference between having a child to oneself and having a child to a man whom one's bowels yearned towards. The former seemed in a sense ordinary: but to have a child to a man whom one adored in one's bowels and one's womb, it made her feel she was very different from her old self and as if she was sinking deep, deep to the centre of all womanhood and the sleep of creation. “要是能有个孩子该多好!”她心想,“要是能怀上他的孩子该多好!”想到这里,她的四肢几近熔化,她清楚,只为自己生个孩子,和为自己心爱的男人诞下后代,简直有天壤之别。前者似乎变得再普通不过,但与倾心恋着的男人生下爱的结晶,这样的想法让她感觉自己已经不再是昔日那个浑浑噩噩的康妮,好像自己已经深深陶醉,陶醉在女性毕生的要务中,陶醉在孕育新生命的梦乡里。 It was not the passion that was new to her, it was the yearning adoration. She knew she had always feared it, for it left her helpless; she feared it still, lest if she adored him too much, then she would lose herself become effaced, and she did not want to be effaced, a slave, like a savage woman. She must not become a slave. She feared her adoration, yet she would not at once fight against it. She knew she could fight it. She had a devil of self-will in her breast that could have fought the full soft heaving adoration of her womb and crushed it. She could even now do it, or she thought so, and she could then take up her passion with her own will. 让她感到新鲜的并非激情,而是那牵肠挂肚的爱慕。她知道自己一向对爱慕心怀恐惧,因为它总让她身不由己;即使现在,她依然对它心有余悸,唯恐自己爱他太深,以至于迷失自我,变得无足轻重。她不愿如此,不想像那些野蛮民族的妇女,沦为男人的奴仆。她决不能沦为奴仆。她对自己的爱慕心有畏惧,但又不愿即刻与之展开对抗。她清楚自己有能力对抗它。她的心中有个执拗的魔鬼,能与子宫中升腾起的绵绵爱意展开对抗,甚至将它碾得粉碎。甚至现在她就能做到这一点,或者至少她是这样认为,她能够随心所欲地支配自己的激情。 Ah yes, to be passionate like a Bacchante, like a Bacchanal fleeing through the woods, to call on Iacchos, the bright phallos that had no independent personality behind it, but was pure god-servant to the woman! The man, the individual, let him not dare intrude. He was but a temple-servant, the bearer and keeper of the bright phallos, her own. 噢,没错,像酒神女祭司那样热情奔放,像她那样偷偷溜进树林,与伊阿科斯(注:指希腊神话中的酒神狄俄尼索斯)私会,那家伙除了光芒四射的阳物,并无独立的人格,对于女人而言,只是纯粹的神仆而已。男人,作为独立的个体,不敢有半点僭越。他不过是神殿的仆役,光辉阳具的持有者和保管者,听从女人的支配。 So, in the flux of new awakening, the old hard passion flamed in her for a time, and the man dwindled to a contemptible object, the mere phallos-bearer, to be torn to pieces when his service was performed. She felt the force of the Bacchae in her limbs and her body, the woman gleaming and rapid, beating down the male; but while she felt this, her heart was heavy. She did not want it, it was known and barren, birthless; the adoration was her treasure. 于是,随着思想意识的变化,昔日强烈的激情重新觉醒,在她的体内燃烧起来,男人变成可有可无的附属品,仅仅是阳具的持有者,当云收雨毕,可以随意将他撕成碎片。她感到女祭司的力量溢满周身,女性的灵光闪现,以迅雷不及掩耳之势,将男人击倒在地。但当体验到这种感觉,她的心变得异常沉重。她不愿与这些扯上关系,人所共知,这意味着无法孕育自己的后代,倾心的爱慕才是她应该珍视的。 It was so fathomless, so soft, so deep and so unknown. No, no, she would give up her hard bright female power; she was weary of it, stiffened with it; she would sink in the new bath of life, in the depths of her womb and her bowels that sang the voiceless song of adoration. It was early yet to begin to fear the man. 这爱意深不可测,温软柔和,真挚恳切,不可思议。不,不,她宁愿放弃这光芒四射的女性权威,它让她变得精疲力竭,生硬呆板。她要沐浴在新的生命河流中,欣赏子宫与脏腑中共鸣着的爱情之歌。现在就开始对那男人充满畏惧,显然为时尚早。 "I walked over by Marehay, and I had tea with Mrs. Flint," she said to Clifford. "I wanted to see the baby. It's so adorable, with hair like red cobwebs. Such a dear! Mr. Flint had gone to market, so she and I and the baby had tea together. Did you wonder where I was?” "Well, I wondered, but I guessed you had dropped in somewhere to tea," said Clifford jealously. With a sort of second sight he sensed something new in her, something to him quite incomprehensible, hut he ascribed it to the baby. He thought that all that ailed Connie was that she did not have a baby, automatically bring one forth, so to speak. “我去了趟马勒哈伊,和弗林特太太共进下午茶。”她对克里福德说。“我早想去探望她的孩子。小家伙可迷人了,一袭红发如同蛛丝。真是可爱到极点!弗林特先生去了集市,所以我和她还有孩子,共用了茶点。你没奇怪我跑去哪里了么?”“哦,我是有点奇怪,可我猜你准是跑去谁家喝茶了。”克利福德显然有些吃醋。某种直觉告诉他,妻子身上有种新鲜的东西,某种他无法理解的东西,但他将这归结于孩子。他以为让康妮之所以深感痛苦,只是因为没有孩子,也就是说,没法凭借一己之力生个出来。 "I saw you go across the park to the iron gate, my Lady," said Mrs. Bolton; "so I thought perhaps you'd called at the Rectory.” "I nearly did, then I turned towards Marehay instead." The eyes of the two women met: Mrs. Bolton's grey and bright and searching; Connie's blue and veiled and strangely beautiful. Mrs. Bolton was almost sure she had a lover, yet how could it be, and who could it be? Where was there a man? "Oh, it's so good for you, if you go out and see a bit of company sometimes," said Mrs. Bolton. "I was saying to Sir Clifford, it would do her ladyship a world of good if she'd go out among people more.” "Yes, I'm glad I went, and such a quaint dear cheeky baby, Clifford," said Connie. "It's got hair just like spider-webs, and bright orange, and the oddest, cheekiest, pale-blue china eyes. Of course it's a girl, or it wouldn't be so bold, bolder than any little Sir Francis Drake.” "You're right, my Lady—a regular little Flint. They were always a forward sandy-headed family," said Mrs. Bolton. “我看到您从花园的铁门出去了,夫人,”博尔顿太太说,“还以为您大概去拜谒神父了呢。”“我差点就去了,不过中途改道,去了马勒哈伊。”两个女人目光交汇,博尔顿太太明亮的灰色眼睛有心刺探,而康妮的蓝色眸子则稍显朦胧,有着异样的光彩。博尔顿太太几乎可以断定,女主人有了情人,但事情的始末究竟怎样?偷欢的对象又是谁呢?哪里来的男人呢?“噢,经常出去散散心,访访朋友,对您可是大有裨益。”博尔顿太太说。“我刚才还跟克利福德爵士说来着,夫人要是能多出去串串门,实在是益处多多。”“是啊,出去逛了逛让我深感愉快,那小家伙如此漂亮可爱,机灵调皮,克利福德。”康妮说,“头发就像蜘蛛网,是鲜亮的橘红色,最奇妙、最顽皮的地方就是那对淡蓝色的眼睛,好似两颗瓷珠。当然,那小家伙是个女孩,不然也算不得胆大,简直赛过年轻时候的弗朗西斯·德雷克爵士(注:1540-1596,英国航海家,军事家)。”“你说得没错,夫人,像极了她老爸。他们全家都是沙色头发,冒冒失失的。”博尔顿太太评价道。 "Wouldn't you like to see it, Clifford? I've asked them to tea for you to see it.” "Who?" he asked, looking at Connie in great uneasiness. "Mrs. Flint and the baby, next Monday." "You can have them to tea up in your room," he said. “你想看看她么,克利福德?我已经邀请她们来喝茶,这样你就有机会看到那小可爱。”“谁?”他看着康妮问,目光显得极不自然。“弗林特太太和她的孩子,下周一。”“你可以在自己房间款待她们用茶。”他说。 "Why, don't you want to see the baby?" she cried. “为什么,难道你不想看看那孩子吗?”她嚷道。 "Oh, I'll see it, but I don't want to sit through a tea-time with them.” "Oh," cried Connie, looking at him with wide veiled eyes. “哦,我会看看她,不过,我可不想整个下午茶的光景都跟她们共度。”“噢,”康妮叫道,两只大眼睛迷惘地盯着他。 She did not really see him, he was somebody else. 她看到的其实并非克利福德,而是另一个人。 "You can have a nice cosy tea up in your room, my Lady, and Mrs. Flint will be more comfortable than if Sir Clifford was there," said Mrs. Bolton. “夫人,在您的房间,您和客人可以舒坦地用茶,克利福德爵士不在场,弗林特太太也不用那么拘束。”博尔顿太太打着圆场。 She was sure Connie had a lover, and something in her soul exulted. But who was he? Who was he? Perhaps Mrs. Flint would provide a clue. 她已经确信康妮有了情人,她心底的某些东西在欢呼雀跃。但他究竟是谁?那男人究竟是何许人也?或许弗林特太太能提供点线索。 Connie would not take her bath this evening. The sense of his flesh touching her, his very stickiness upon her, was dear to her, and in a sense holy. 当晚,康妮甚至不愿沐浴。两人彼此抚触,紧紧相拥,那种美妙的感觉对她而言弥足珍贵,甚至有几分神圣。 Clifford was very uneasy. He would not let her go after dinner, and she had wanted so much to be alone. She looked at him, but was curiously submissive. 克利福德整晚惴惴不安。晚饭后,他请求康妮留在自己身边,而她却极度渴望独处。她低头望着丈夫,出人意料地选择了顺从。 "Shall we play a game, or shall I read to you, or what shall it be?" he asked uneasily. “我们来玩牌,还是我读书给你听,或者做点别的什么?”他忐忑不安地问。 "You read to me," said Connie. “你读书给我听吧。”康妮说。 "What shall I read—verse or prose? Or drama?” "Read Racine," she said. “读点什么呢——诗歌还是散文?不然戏剧?”“读拉辛(注:1639-1699,法国剧作家,诗人)的作品吧。”她说。 It had been one of his stunts in the past, to read Racine in the real French grand manner, but he was rusty now, and a little self-conscious; he really preferred the loudspeaker. But Connie was sewing, sewing a little frock silk of primrose silk, cut out of one of her dresses, for Mrs. Flint's baby. Between coming home and dinner she had cut it out, and she sat in the soft quiescent rapture of herself sewing, while the noise of the reading went on. 这曾是他的拿手绝活之一,用字正腔圆的法语,抑扬顿挫地朗诵拉辛的作品,但如今却大不如前,而且又显得有些做作,他其实更愿意去听收音机。但康妮却照样做着针线,给弗林特太太的女儿缝件小斗篷,所用的淡黄色丝绸,是从自己的衣裙上裁下来的。回家后,利用晚饭前的空当,她做好裁剪的工作,如今正静静地坐在那里,全神贯注地缝着,朗诵诗歌的噪音仍不绝于耳。 Inside herself she could feel the humming of passion, like the after-humming of deep bells. 在其内心深处,康妮感觉到激情在嗡嗡作响,好似低沉钟声那悠长的余音。 Clifford said something to her about the Racine. She caught the sense after the words had gone. 克利福德跟她讲了些关于拉辛的见解。话音落下许久,她才醒过神来。 "Yes! Yes!" she said, looking up at him. "It is splendid." Again he was frightened at the deep blue blaze of her eyes, and of her soft stillness, sitting there. She had never been so utterly soft and still. She fascinated him helplessly, as if some perfume about her intoxicated him. So he went on helplessly with his reading, and the throaty sound of the French was like the wind in the chimneys to her. Of the Racine she heard not one syllable. “没错!没错!”她抬头看着他说。“他的作品确实了不起。”她双眸中闪耀着的深蓝色光辉,还有端坐时那温柔娴静的神态,都让克利福德心悸不已。她从未如此温婉,如此安静。她将他迷得神魂颠倒,不能自拔,似乎周身飘散的某种异香让他如醉如痴。于是,他不由自主地继续读着,在她听来,法语中的喉音就像烟囱里飘荡的风。至于拉辛到底写了些什么,她根本一点都没留意。 She was gone in her own soft rapture, like a forest soughing with the dim, glad moan of spring, moving into bud. She could feel in the same world with her the man, the nameless man, moving on beautiful feet, beautiful in the phallic mystery. And in herself in all her veins, she felt him and his child. His child was in all her veins, like a twilight. 她沉迷在自己编织的温柔梦境中,如同春意盎然的森林,微风发出轻柔愉悦的呢喃,万物恢复生机。她能感觉到那男人,那不知姓名的男人,正与自己在他俩联手缔造的世界里,优雅地前行,正是他那神秘莫测的阳物,将这世界装扮得如此美丽。而在她的心底,在每根血管中,都能感觉到他和他的孩子。孩子就像是黎明的曙光,充斥在她的血液中。 "For hands she hath none, nor eyes, nor feet, nor golden Treasure of hair..." She was like a forest, like the dark interlacing of the oakwood, humming inaudibly with myriad unfolding buds. Meanwhile the birds of desire were asleep in the vast interlaced intricacy of her body. “她没有双手,没有双眸,没有双脚,更没有那珍宝般闪亮的金发……”她像座森林,幽暗的橡树林,枝叶繁茂,根节盘曲,无穷无尽的蓓蕾悄然绽放,轻声吟唱。与此同时,在她体内那交织缠绕的巨大巢穴中,欲望的鸟儿正沉沉睡着。 But Clifford's voice went on, clapping and gurgling with unusual sounds. How extraordinary it was! How extraordinary he was, bent there over the book, queer and rapacious and civilized, with broad shoulders and no real legs! What a strange creature, with the sharp, cold inflexible will of some bird, and no warmth, no warmth at all! One of those creatures of the afterwards, that have no soul, but an extra-alert will, cold will. She shuddered a little, afraid of him. But then, the soft warm flame of life was stronger than he, and the real things were hidden from him. 但克利福德仍没完没了地读着,伴随着尖锐且时断时续的怪异声音。这样的声音多么奇异啊!他的样子同样如此,身体前倾于书本之上,肩膀宽阔厚实,但两腿却毫无知觉。他虽然举止斯文,但却性格古怪,贪得无厌。如此奇异的生物,拥有鸟类般狡黠冷酷、顽强不屈的意志,但却没有热情,半点都没有!这是属于未来世界的某种生物,灵魂缺失,但却拥有高度警觉、冷若冰霜的意志。由于心怀畏惧,她战栗起来。但温柔炽热的生命火焰远非他能相比,而且他也并不了解事实的真相。 The reading finished. She was startled. She looked up, and was more startled still to see Clifford watching her with pale, uncanny eyes, like hate. 诗终于读完。她感到愕然。抬起头,看到克利福德那双可怕的淡蓝色眼睛正直勾勾盯着自己,似乎充满恨意,她惊愕的程度又添几分。 "Thank you so much! You do read Racine beautifully!" she said softly. “非常感谢!你读拉辛的诗作,读得确实精彩!”她柔声称赞着。 "Almost as beautifully as you listen to him," he said cruelly. "What are you making?" he asked. “你听得也同样精彩。”他冷冷地回应道。“你在缝什么?”他问。 "I'm making a child's dress, for Mrs. Flint's baby.” He turned away. A child! A child! That was all her obsession. “我要缝条小裙子,准备送给弗林特太太的女儿。”他背过脸去。孩子!又是孩子!她的心里只想着孩子。 "After all," he said in a declamatory voice, "one gets all one wants out of Racine. Emotions that are ordered and given shape are more important than disorderly emotions. “归根结底,”他仍用朗诵似的语气说道,“从拉辛的作品中,我们能够获得想要的一切。有理有序的情感,远比任意胡为的冲动重要得多。” She watched him with wide, vague, veiled eyes. "Yes, I'm sure they are," she said. 她瞪着那双朦胧的大眼睛,茫然地望着他。“没错,你说得很有道理。”她说。 "The modern world has only vulgarized emotion by letting it loose. What we need is classic control." "Yes," she said slowly, thinking of him listening with vacant face to the emotional idiocy of the radio. "People pretend to have emotions, and they really feel nothing. I suppose that is being romantic." "Exactly!" he said. “当今世界对情感过于放纵,结果只能让它变得庸俗不堪。我们需要的是古典的约束。”“没错,”她缓缓地说,想到他听着收音机里的多愁善感的胡言乱语时,那张茫然空虚的面孔。“世人装出多情的模样,其实却冷酷无情。这多半是浪漫主义在作祟吧。”“一针见血!”他说。 As a matter of fact, he was tired. This evening had tired him. He would rather have been with his technical books, or his pit-manager, or listening-in to the radio. 事实上,他已经乏累不堪。这个夜晚让他精疲力竭。他宁可读点技术性书籍,给矿场的经理们训训话,或者听会儿收音机。 Mrs. Bolton came in with two glasses of malted milk: for Clifford, to make him sleep, and for Connie, to fatten her again. It was a regular night-cap she had introduced. 博尔顿太太走了进来,手拿两杯麦乳精,一杯给克利福德,为的是让他安然入睡,一杯给康妮,为的是让她更加丰盈。她来格拉比后,总会在晚间给主人准备这种饮品。 Connie was glad to go, when she had drunk her glass, and thankful she needn't help Clifford to bed. She took his glass and put it on the tray, then took the tray, to leave it outside. 康妮乐得离开克利福德,喝完麦乳精,庆幸自己不必服侍丈夫就寝。她拿起他的玻璃杯,放到托盘上,端着托盘,打算出去。 "Goodnight Clifford! DO sleep well! The Racine gets into one like a dream. Goodnight!" She had drifted to the door. She was going without kissing him goodnight. He watched her with sharp, cold eyes. So! She did not even kiss him goodnight, after he had spent an evening reading to her. Such depths of callousness in her! Even if the kiss was but a formality, it was on such formalities that life depends. She was a Bolshevik, really. Her instincts were Bolshevistic! He gazed coldly and angrily at the door whence she had gone. Anger! “晚安,克利福德!睡个好觉!拉辛的诗让人恍若置身梦境。晚安!”她步履轻盈地向房门走去。她居然就这么走了,连晚安吻都没留给他。他望着她的背影,露出恶狠狠的冷冷的目光。好吧!他整晚都在为她读诗,可她道晚安时,竟然没有吻他。这个心如铁石的婆娘!即使亲吻只是种俗套,可生活恰恰就依赖于此类俗套。她简直跟布尔什维克无异。她生来就是个激进分子!他眼睁睁看着她走出房门,满脸冰霜,怒火中烧。怒撞顶梁! And again the dread of the night came on him. He was a network of nerves, and when he was not braced up to work, and so full of energy: or when he was not listening-in, and so utterly neuter: then he was haunted by anxiety and a sense of dangerous impending void. He was afraid. And Connie could keep the fear off him, if she would. But it was obvious she wouldn't, she wouldn't. She was callous, cold and callous to all that he did for her. He gave up his life for her, and she was callous to him. She only wanted her own way. "The lady loves her will." Now it was a baby she was obsessed by. Just so that it should be her own, all her own, and not his! 可怕的暗夜再度让他惊惧交加。他只是神经网络构成的肉体而已,如果不全神贯注、干劲十足地投入工作,或者超然物外地聆听广播,他总是被焦虑攫住,感觉恐怖的空虚正步步紧逼。他害怕极了。而康妮恰恰是驱散恐惧的灵丹妙药,当然前提是她愿意如此。但显而易见的是,她不愿意,不情愿这样做。她果然心如铁石,对他所做的一切无动于衷。他将自己的生命交托于她,而她却熟视无睹。她只想按自己的意愿行事。“女人生来任性。”她满心想的都是孩子。她只想要自己的孩子,完全属于她自己,跟他毫无干系! Clifford was so healthy, considering. He looked so well and ruddy in the face, his shoulders were broad and strong, his chest deep, he had put on flesh. And yet, at the same time, he was afraid of death. A terrible hollow seemed to menace him somewhere, somehow, a void, and into this void his energy would collapse. Energyless, he felt at times he was dead, really dead. 克利福德的身体还算健康。气色很好,面庞红润,双肩宽阔有力,胸膛厚实壮硕,甚至已经有些发福。可尽管如此,他对死亡的恐惧却有增无减。某处似乎存在着可怕的虚空,随时随刻威胁着他,一旦堕入这深渊,他的精力便会土崩瓦解。精力全失,有时他感觉自己早就死掉,殒命已久。 So his rather prominent pale eyes had a queer look, furtive, and yet a little cruel, so cold: and at the same time, almost impudent. It was a very odd look, this look of impudence: as if he were triumphing over life in spite of life. "Who knoweth the mysteries of the will—for it can triumph even against the angels—” But his dread was the nights when he could not sleep. Then it was awful indeed, when annihilation pressed in on him on every side. Then it was ghastly, to exist without having any life: lifeless, in the night, to exist. 因此,他那对努出框外的淡蓝色眼睛古怪异常,阴险鬼祟,冷酷无情,又显得骄横跋扈。那种骄横的神态,仿佛表明他正将胜利的旌旗插上生命的沃野。“谁知晓意志的神秘——它竟能击败天使——”但他畏惧漫漫长夜,无眠的长夜。当恐惧从四面八方涌来,这样的感觉确实令人生畏。更可怕的是,存活于世,但却毫无生机,死气沉沉地独熬孤单长夜。 But now he could ring for Mrs. Bolton. And she would always come. That was a great comfort. She would come in her dressing gown, with her hair in a plait down her back, curiously girlish and dim, though the brown plait was streaked with grey. And she would make him coffee or camomile tea, and she would play chess or piquet with him. She had a woman's queer faculty of playing even chess well enough, when she was three parts asleep, well enough to make her worth beating. So, in the silent intimacy of the night, they sat, or she sat and he lay on the bed, with the reading-lamp shedding its solitary light on them, she almost gone in sleep, he almost gone in a sort of fear, and they played, played together—then they had a cup of coffee and a biscuit together, hardly speaking, in the silence of night, but being a reassurance to one another. 还好现在他可以按铃召唤博尔顿太太。她总是随叫随到。对克利福德而言,这意味着巨大的慰藉。她会穿着睡袍前来,发辫垂在背后,尽管褐色的秀发中已有斑驳的银丝,可仍隐约存着几分少女的气质。她会为他准备咖啡或者甘菊茶,陪他下棋或者打皮克牌。即使是下棋,她也能显示出女性的卓越天赋,就算睡眼惺忪,还是能走出妙招,让人不可小觑。如此一来,在静谧的夜晚,两人亲昵对坐,或者是她坐着,他躺在床上。台灯那孤寂的光辉洒在他们身上。她昏昏欲睡,他满心忧惧,却仍一起玩着棋牌,共进咖啡或饼干。虽然置身于寂静午夜,两人都不会多言,但心灵却因彼此倍感宽慰。 And this night she was wondering who Lady Chatterley's lover was. And she was thinking of her own Ted, so long dead, yet for her never quite dead. And when she thought of him, the old, old grudge against the world rose up, but especially against the masters, that they had killed him. They had not really killed him. Yet, to her, emotionally, they had. And somewhere deep in herself because of it, she was a nihilist, and really anarchic. 当夜,她正费尽心思,揣度着查泰莱夫人的情郎究竟是谁。她想起了自己的泰德,他虽已过世多年,但却永远活在自己心里。当她想起亡夫,深埋心底的怨恨也随之复苏,她对这个世界,尤其对那些害丈夫惨死的老爷们充满仇恨。其实,他们并非直接的凶手。但在她的感情世界里,却始终这样认为。正因为此,在内心深处,她始终是虚无主义,甚至无政府主义的信徒。 In her half-sleep, thoughts of her Ted and thoughts of Lady Chatterley's unknown lover commingled, and then she felt she shared with the other woman a great grudge against Sir Clifford and all he stood for. At the same time she was playing piquet with him, and they were gambling sixpences. And it was a source of satisfaction to be playing piquet with a baronet, and even losing sixpences to him. 半梦半醒之间,她思念着自己的泰德,猜度着查泰莱夫人那神秘的情人,两种思绪混为一团,另一个女人对克利福德爵士、对他所代表的阶级的仇恨,此刻她感同身受。而与此同时,她还在陪他打皮克牌,以六便士为赌注。跟高高在上的从男爵打牌,实在是莫大的荣耀,即使输掉这点赌注,也无所谓。 When they played cards, they always gambled. It made him forget himself. And he usually won. Tonight too he was winning. So he would not go to sleep till the first dawn appeared. Luckily it began to appear at half past four or thereabouts. 他俩玩牌时,总会下点赌注。这会让他全身心投入其中。他总是赢家。今晚就是如此。因此,他总是鏖战到破晓时分,才去睡觉。幸好,大约四点半左右,天就会蒙蒙亮起。 Connie was in bed, and fast asleep all this time. But the keeper, too, could not rest. He had closed the coops and made his round of the wood, then gone home and eaten supper. But he did not go to bed. Instead he sat by the fire and thought. 此刻,康妮正在床上酣睡。但守林人却无法入眠。他关好鸡笼,在林中巡视一番,便回家吃晚饭。但晚饭过后,他却不打算睡觉。反而坐在壁炉边陷入沉思。 He thought of his boyhood in Tevershall, and of his five or six years of married life. He thought of his wife, and always bitterly. She had seemed so brutal. But he had not seen her now since 1915, in the spring when he joined up. Yet there she was, not three miles away, and more brutal than ever. He hoped never to see her again while he lived. 他回忆起自己在特弗沙尔的童年时光,还有持续五六年的婚姻生活。他想起自己的妻子,这让他痛苦不堪。她是那样蛮横无理。好在他1915年春天入伍后,再未与那泼妇谋面。但她就在那里,住在不足三英里外的地方,剽悍的程度犹胜以往。他希望有生之年再别与她碰面。 He thought of his life abroad, as a soldier. India, Egypt, then India again: the blind, thoughtless life with the horses: the colonel who had loved him and whom he had loved: the several years that he had been an officer, a lieutenant with a very fair chance of being a captain. Then the death of the colonel from pneumonia, and his own narrow escape from death: his damaged health: his deep restlessness: his leaving the army and coming back to England to be a working man again. 他想起自己海外从军的经历。从印度到埃及,再回到印度,与马为伍的生活无需多想其他事情。上校对他欣赏有加,他也对上校极为崇敬。数载军官生涯,他担当中尉,并极有希望被提拔成上尉。之后,上校死于肺炎,他自己也险些性命不保,健康受损,心绪不宁,因此他告别行伍,回转英格兰,再度沦为劳工。 He was temporizing with life. He had thought he would be safe, at least for a time, in this wood. There was no shooting as yet: he had to rear the pheasants. He would have no guns to serve. He would be alone, and apart from life, which was all he wanted. He had to have some sort of a background. And this was his native place. There was even his mother, though she had never meant very much to him. And he could go on in life, existing from day to day, without connexion and without hope. For he did not know what to do with himself. 他在蹉跎岁月。他曾认为,隐藏在这片树林里,至少能够保一时无忧。狩猎期尚未到来,他只需饲养野鸡。不必侍候围猎的贵族老爷。他孑然独居,远离尘嚣,而这也是他梦寐以求的。他需要安身立命之所。而这里是他的故乡。甚至他的母亲也住在此地,虽然两人的感情相当淡漠。而他可以继续生存下去,日复一日,无牵无挂,无欲无求。因为他已经失去人生的目标。 He did not know what to do with himself. Since he had been an officer for some years, and had mixed among the other officers and civil servants, with their wives and families, he had lost all ambition to "get on'. There was a toughness, a curious rubbernecked toughness and unlivingness about the middle and upper classes, as he had known them, which just left him feeling cold and different from them. 他已经失去人生的目标。由于他做过几年军官,终日与其他军官、公务员及其眷属混在一起,已经失去进取之心。他发现中上阶层的人们个个残酷无情,凶残暴戾,毫无人性,他感到不寒而栗,觉得自己无法融入其中。 So, he had come back to his own class. To find there, what he had forgotten during his absence of years, a pettiness and a vulgarity of manner extremely distasteful. He admitted now at last, how important manner was. He admitted, also, how important it was even to PRETEND not to care about the halfpence and the small things of life. But among the common people there was no pretence. A penny more or less on the bacon was worse than a change in the Gospel. He could not stand it. 因此,他重新回归社会底层。想找回从军数载已经忘却的东西,卑微的身份以及粗俗到令人不齿的举止。他现在不得不承认,举止何其重要。他承认,装出对蝇头小利及生活琐事不屑一顾何其重要。但对劳苦大众而言,一切都是实实在在的。熏猪肉价格的些微变化,比修改福音书还要重要。对此,他简直无法忍受。 And again, there was the wage-squabble. Having lived among the owning classes, he knew the utter futility of expecting any solution of the wage-squabble. There was no solution, short of death. The only thing was not to care, not to care about the wages. 劳资纠纷的情况再度出现。与有产阶级共处的时光告诉他,希冀解决劳资纠纷,根本是无望的空想。根本无法解决,死路一条。唯一可行的办法就是别去在意,别去在意自己到底挣几个子儿。 Yet, if you were poor and wretched you HAD to care. Anyhow, it was becoming the only thing they did care about. The care about money was like a great cancer, eating away the individuals of all classes. He refused to CARE about money. 但是,如果你真的穷困潦倒,又必须在意这些。总之,金钱渐渐成为劳苦大众唯一在意的东西。对金钱的执着,像个巨大的毒瘤,慢慢吞噬着所有阶级的每个个体。他却宁愿看轻金钱。 And what then? What did life offer apart from the care of money? Nothing. 可那又怎样?除了追逐金钱,生活还剩下什么呢?虚无。 Yet he could live alone, in the wan satisfaction of being alone, and raise pheasants to be shot ultimately by fat men after breakfast. It was futility, futility to the NTH power. 不过,他仍可以孤单度日,满足于形单影只的病态感觉,饲养野鸡,为的是让那些脑满肠肥的家伙们用罢早餐后射杀它们。一切都是徒劳,没有半点意义。 But why care, why bother? And he had not cared nor bothered till now, when this woman had come into his life. He was nearly ten years older than she. And he was a thousand years older in experience, starting from the bottom. The connexion between them was growing closer. He could see the day when it would clinch up and they would have to make a life together. "For the bonds of love are ill to loose!" And what then? What then? Must he start again, with nothing to start on? Must he entangle this woman? Must he have the horrible broil with her lame husband? And also some sort of horrible broil with his own brutal wife, who hated him? Misery! Lots of misery! And he was no longer young and merely buoyant. Neither was he the insouciant sort. Every bitterness and every ugliness would hurt him: and the woman! 但为什么要在意,为什么要烦忧呢?他从不牵肠挂肚,从不愁思满腹,直到这个女人闯入他的生活。他比她年长将近十岁。若论人生历练,甚至比她老上千年。但两人间的关系却愈发亲密。他能预见到,终有一天,两人会难分难离,共同生活在一起。“爱的纠葛总难解!”可那又怎样?那又怎样?他必须重头再来,白手起家?他必须跟这女人纠缠在一起?他必须跟她那残废的丈夫斗个不可开交?甚至连他那野蛮的妻子也牵扯其中?到现在为止,那泼妇还对他怀有恨意。痛苦!无尽的痛苦!他已不再年轻,虽说尚有活力。而且他也不是那种无忧无虑的乐天派。任何苦难和丑恶都会让他受伤,当然还有他心爱的女人! But even if they got clear of Sir Clifford and of his own wife, even if they got clear, what were they going to do? What was he, himself going to do? What was he going to do with his life? For he must do something. He couldn't be a mere hanger-on, on her money and his own very small pension. 但即使能够摆脱克利福德爵士和那离家的悍妇,即使能获得自由,他俩又该何去何从呢?他自己将会如何?他将会怎样面对自己的生活?他必须找到谋生的方法。他不愿成为寄生虫,靠她的积蓄以及自己微薄的抚恤金过活。 It was the insoluble. He could only think of going to America, to try a new air. He disbelieved in the dollar utterly. But perhaps, perhaps there was something else. 问题难以解决。他只能盼望能远赴美国,尝试新的生活。他对美金毫无信任。但或许,或许那里会有盎然的生机。 He could not rest nor even go to bed. After sitting in a stupor of bitter thoughts until midnight, he got suddenly from his chair and reached for his coat and gun. 他无法入睡,甚至都不愿躺到床上去。他呆坐着,冥思苦想直至午夜,突然从靠椅上站起身来,拿过外衣和猎枪。 "Come on, lass," he said to the dog. "We're best outside.” It was a starry night, but moonless. He went on a slow, scrupulous, soft-stepping and stealthy round. The only thing he had to contend with was the colliers setting snares for rabbits, particularly the Stacks Gate colliers, on the Marehay side. But it was breeding season, and even colliers respected it a little. Nevertheless the stealthy beating of the round in search of poachers soothed his nerves and took his mind off his thoughts. “跟我来,姑娘,”他招呼自己的猎犬,“我们最好去外面呆着。”夜空缀满繁星,但却不见月亮。他迈着缓慢轻盈的步伐,谨慎小心地开始巡视。让唯一需要应付的是,矿工们,尤其是来自马勒哈伊方向的斯塔克斯门的矿工们,设置了许多捕兔夹。但繁殖季节已至,就连矿工们也不忍多造杀孽。不过,聚精会神地巡视,悄悄地搜寻偷猎者,让他的心绪逐渐平抚,不再胡思乱想。 But when he had done his slow, cautious beating of his bounds—it was nearly a five-mile walk—he was tired. He went to the top of the knoll and looked out. There was no sound save the noise, the faint shuffling noise from Stacks Gate colliery, that never ceased working: and there were hardly any lights, save the brilliant electric rows at the works. The world lay darkly and fumily sleeping. It was half past two. But even in its sleep it was an uneasy, cruel world, stirring with the noise of a train or some great lorry on the road, and flashing with some rosy lightning flash from the furnaces. It was a world of iron and coal, the cruelty of iron and the smoke of coal, and the endless, endless greed that drove it all. Only greed, greed stirring in its sleep. 但是,他缓步徐行,处处留神,完成巡视时,已经走出将近五英里远,倦意阵阵袭来。他登上山坡,极目四望。悄无声息,只听得到斯塔克斯门煤矿那永不停息的沉闷的轰鸣声,暗淡无光,只看得到工地上成排耀目的电灯。黑暗笼罩,烟雾缭绕,世界已然沉睡。时间是凌晨两点半。这残酷的世界即使入眠,也没有片刻安宁。火车与公路上的重型卡车喧天震地,熔炉闪耀着玫红色的光芒。这是铁与煤构成的世界,铁的坚硬与煤的烟尘交相辉映,而驱动一切的则是无边无沿、无穷无尽的贪欲。搅扰世界甜梦的恰是这贪欲。 It was cold, and he was coughing. A fine cold draught blew over the knoll. He thought of the woman. Now he would have given all he had or ever might have to hold her warm in his arms, both of them wrapped in one blanket, and sleep. All hopes of eternity and all gain from the past he would have given to have her there, to be wrapped warm with him in one blanket, and sleep, only sleep. It seemed the sleep with the woman in his arms was the only necessity. 天气肃杀,他咳嗽起来。彻骨的冷风拂过山岗。那女人浮现在他的脑海。他甘愿放弃自己拥有的一切,甚至放弃自己可能会拥有的一切,只为将软玉温香搂入怀中,共裹一毯,酣然入眠。天长地久的希望,过往拥有的一切,他都甘愿放弃,只为换得有她在旁,共裹一毯,酣然睡去,只是睡去。似乎与她相拥而眠,已经成为他生存的唯一需要。 He went to the hut, and wrapped himself in the blanket and lay on the floor to sleep. But he could not, he was cold. And besides, he felt cruelly his own unfinished nature. He felt his own unfinished condition of aloneness cruelly. He wanted her, to touch her, to hold her fast against him in one moment of completeness and sleep. 他返回小屋,裹着毯子,躺在地上,试图进入梦乡。但他却做不到,凉意难以驱散。而且,他发觉自己天性中的缺憾,这让他感到痛苦不堪。他发觉自己形单影只的状态并不完整,这让他感到痛苦异常。他需要她,想爱抚她,想紧紧拥她入怀,体验片刻的圆满与安眠。 He got up again and went out, towards the park gates this time: then slowly along the path towards the house. It was nearly four o'clock, still clear and cold, but no sign of dawn. He was used to the dark, he could see well. 他再度起身,来到屋外,这次直奔花园大门而去,然后顺着通往拉格比的小径缓缓前行。已经将近四点,清冷的夜空依然晴朗,但却没有破晓的迹象。他惯走夜路,辨得清周围的一切。 Slowly, slowly the great house drew him, as a magnet. He wanted to be near her. It was not desire, not that. It was the cruel sense of unfinished aloneness, that needed a silent woman folded in his arms. Perhaps he could find her. Perhaps he could even call her out to him: or find some way in to her. For the need was imperious. 距离拉格比越来越近,那座府邸像块磁石,将他牢牢吸住。他希望她能陪在自己身旁。这想法无关情欲。只是那缺憾的孤寂感让他难以忍受,需要将寡言的女子拥入臂弯。或许他能找到她。或许他能喊她出来,或者想方设法溜进她的卧房。他迫不及待地想要实现自己的心愿。 He slowly, silently climbed the incline to the hall. Then he came round the great trees at the top of the knoll, on to the drive, which made a grand sweep round a lozenge of grass in front of the entrance. He could already see the two magnificent beeches which stood in this big level lozenge in front of the house, detaching themselves darkly in the dark air. 他蹑手蹑脚地缓缓攀上山坡,向那宅邸走去。接着,他绕过坡顶的参天大树,踏上车道,车道因门前的菱形草坪陡然转弯。草坪中央那两株高耸入云的山毛榉映入眼帘,两棵树伫立在大宅前的这块宽阔的菱形平地上,在黑暗的夜里显得依然突兀。 There was the house, low and long and obscure, with one light burning downstairs, in Sir Clifford's room. But which room she was in, the woman who held the other end of the frail thread which drew him so mercilessly, that he did not know. 拉格比低矮狭长,昏暗朦胧,楼下克利福德爵士的房间仍亮着灯。可她究竟在那个房间,那个系紧他的心弦,残忍牵绊着他的女人?他不得而知。 He went a little nearer, gun in hand, and stood motionless on the drive, watching the house. Perhaps even now he could find her, come at her in some way. The house was not impregnable: he was as clever as burglars are. Why not come to her? He stood motionless, waiting, while the dawn faintly and imperceptibly paled behind him. He saw the light in the house go out. But he did not see Mrs. Bolton come to the window and draw back the old curtain of dark-blue silk, and stand herself in the dark room, looking out on the half-dark of the approaching day, looking for the longed-for dawn, waiting, waiting for Clifford to be really reassured that it was daybreak. For when he was sure of daybreak, he would sleep almost at once. 他又靠近了一点,手里攥着猎枪,站在车道上纹丝不动,目不转睛地望着这座大宅。或许他现在甚至就能找到她,想出法子与她相会。这府邸并非固若金汤,而且他又像夜贼般聪敏。为何找她不着呢?他站在那里等着,动也不动,身后曙光悄无声息地微微露出了头。他看到那房间的灯熄灭了。但他却没看到博尔顿太太来到窗前,她拉开深蓝色的旧丝质窗帘,站在黑暗的房间里向外张望,目睹黑夜慢慢褪去,白昼渐渐降临,希冀黎明快些到来,等待着,等待着克利福德确信天已破晓。因为只消确定这一点,他便可几乎是马上安然入眠。 She stood blind with sleep at the window, waiting. And as she stood, she started, and almost cried out. For there was a man out there on the drive, a black figure in the twilight. She woke up greyly, and watched, but without making a sound to disturb Sir Clifford. 她睡眼惺忪地站在窗边,等待着。突然间,她大惊失色,差点叫出声来。车道上分明站着个男人,在晨曦中拖出一道黑影。她吓得脸色惨白,睡意顿消,全神贯注地分辨着,但却没有出声,唯恐把克利福德爵士吵醒。 The daylight began to rustle into the world, and the dark figure seemed to go smaller and more defined. She made out the gun and gaiters and baggy jacket—it would be Oliver Mellors, the keeper. "Yes, for there was the dog nosing around like a shadow, and waiting for him"! 活力四射的阳光匆匆拉开征服世界的帷幕,那条黑影似乎变小了,也清晰许多。她辨认出猎枪、绑腿和肥大的外衣——那分明是奥利弗·梅勒斯,那守林人。“没错,那条如影随形的猎犬正到处嗅着,等待着主人发号施令!” And what did the man want? Did he want to rouse the house? What was he standing there for, transfixed, looking up at the house like a love-sick male dog outside the house where the bitch is? Goodness! The knowledge went through Mrs. Bolton like a shot. He was Lady Chatterley's lover! He! He! 他想做什么?他想把大家都叫醒吗?为何他傻呆呆地竖在那里,仰望着这座府邸,活像只发情的公狗,正在母狗家门前翘首企盼?天呢!博尔顿太太顿时恍然大悟。他就是查泰莱夫人的情郎!是他!竟然是他! To think of it! Why, she, Ivy Bolton, had once been a tiny bit in love with him herself. When he was a lad of sixteen and she a woman of twenty-six. It was when she was studying, and he had helped her a lot with the anatomy and things she had had to learn. He'd been a clever boy, had a scholarship for Sheffield Grammar School, and learned French and things: and then after all had become an overhead blacksmith shoeing horses, because he was fond of horses, he said: but really because he was frightened to go out and face the world, only he'd never admit it. 想想吧!哦,她,艾维·博尔顿,也曾因他堕入情网。想当年,他16岁,还是懵懂少年,她26岁,已经丧夫寡居。那时,她正刻苦钻研医疗知识,而他在解剖学及其它方面,对她助益良多。昔日的他聪明伶俐,还拿到过谢菲尔德初中的奖学金,对法语等科目也有所涉猎。可后来他却甘愿成为铁匠,终日以钉马掌为业,虽然他声称这是因为自己爱马至深,但其实是他害怕进入社会,不愿面对俗世,只不过他从不承认而已。 But he'd been a nice lad, a nice lad, had helped her a lot, so clever at making things clear to you. He was quite as clever as Sir Clifford: and always one for the women. More with women than men, they said. 但他曾是个好小伙,好小伙,帮过他不少忙,聪慧过人,极善解惑释疑。他的睿智与克利福德爵士相比,有过之而无不及,又极具女人缘。坊间传言,他与女人们过从更密。 Till he'd gone and married that Bertha Coutts, as if to spite himself. Some people do marry to spite themselves, because they're disappointed of something. And no wonder it had been a failure. For years he was gone, all the time of the war: and a lieutenant and all: quite the gentleman, really quite the gentleman! Then to come back to Tevershall and go as a game-keeper! Really, some people can't take their chances when they've got them! And talking broad Derbyshire again like the worst, when she, Ivy Bolton, knew he spoke like any gentleman, really. 可后来,他竟然自暴自弃,娶了贝莎·库茨。有些人结婚就是自甘堕落,因为有过失意的过往。毫无疑问,这是桩失败的婚姻。他消失数载,整个大战期间都不见踪迹,当上了什么中尉,成为上等人,货真价实的人上人!之后,他重返特弗沙尔,屈尊降贵做起守林人!千真万确,有些人只能眼睁睁任机会从身边溜走。他重操浓重的德比郡方言,与最卑微的乡巴佬无异,而她,艾维·博尔顿,清楚他能像真正的贵族一样,说纯正的英语,这一点毋庸置疑。 Well, well! So her ladyship had fallen for him! Well her ladyship wasn't the first: there was something about him. But fancy! A Tevershall lad born and bred, and she her ladyship in Wragby Hall! My word, that was a slap back at the high-and-mighty Chatterleys! 哦,哦!原来从男爵夫人爱上了他!不过,夫人并非第一个被他迷住的,这家伙身上有种特别的气质。但试想一下!土生土长的特弗沙尔穷小子,竟然搞上拉格比府的贵妇人!天呢,这无异于赏了高高在上的查泰莱家族一记响亮的耳光! But he, the keeper, as the day grew, had realized: it's no good! It's no good trying to get rid of your own aloneness. You've got to stick to it all your life. Only at times, at times, the gap will be filled in. At times! But you have to wait for the times. Accept your own aloneness and stick to it, all your life. And then accept the times when the gap is filled in, when they come. But they've got to come. You can't force them. 可他,那守林人,见白昼已然降临,心中如同明镜,清楚自己的所作所为尽是徒劳!想把自己从孤寂中解救出来,只是白日做梦。自己一辈子都要和孤寂为伍了。只是偶尔,偶尔会获得填充沟壑的机会。但那只是转瞬即逝的机遇!但必须安守本分,等待时机到来。一辈子都要接受自己孤寂的现状,并坚守它。然后,等待沟壑被填平,在机遇降临时欣然接受它。但机遇终会降临。无法强求。 With a sudden snap the bleeding desire that had drawn him after her broke. He had broken it, because it must be so. There must be a coming together on both sides. And if she wasn't coming to him, he wouldn't track her down. He mustn't. He must go away, till she came. 霎时间,疯狂追求她的欲望支离破碎。他亲手将之击碎,因为理应如此。爱情的事必须两厢情愿。如果她不向他靠拢,他也不应紧追不放。他不能这样做。他应该抽身离开,直到她主动靠近。 He turned slowly, ponderingly, accepting again the isolation. He knew it was better so. She must come to him: it was no use his trailing after her. No use! 他慢慢转身,心事满腹,重新接受了孤独的宿命。他清楚这是最佳的选择。她应该向他靠拢,否则即便他紧追不放,也只是白费心力。徒劳无功! Mrs. Bolton saw him disappear, saw his dog run after him. 博尔顿太太目送他远去,猎犬紧随其后。 "Well, well!" she said. "He's the one man I never thought of; and the one man I might have thought of. He was nice to me when he was a lad, after I lost Ted. Well, well! Whatever would he say if he knew! And she glanced triumphantly at the already sleeping Clifford, as she stepped softly from the room. “妙啊,妙啊!”她自语道。“我压根没想到会是他,而他也恰恰是我应该想到的。少年时代,这小子曾有恩于我,那时泰德刚刚故去。有趣呀,有趣!要是他知道了事实的真相,又会说些什么呢!”她得意地瞥了一眼正在熟睡的克利福德,轻手轻脚地踱出房间。 第十一章 Connie was sorting out one of the Wragby lumber rooms. There were several: the house was a warren, and the family never sold anything. Sir Geoffery's father had liked pictures and Sir Geoffery's mother had liked cinquecento furniture. Sir Geoffery himself had liked old carved oak chests, vestry chests. So it went on through the generations. Clifford collected very modern pictures, at very moderate prices. 在拉格比的一间储藏室里,康妮正整理着杂物。这样的储藏室有好几间,格拉比显得拥挤不堪,查泰莱家族的成员从没有卖掉陈货的习惯。杰弗里爵士的父亲喜爱绘画作品,他的母亲则热衷于16世纪的意大利家具。杰弗里爵士本人偏好橡木雕刻的古旧箱子,还有圣器箱。这样的习惯代代相传。克利福德收藏近代的画作,价格较为低廉。 So in the lumber room there were bad Sir Edwin Landseers and pathetic William Henry Hunt birds' nests: and other Academy stuff, enough to frighten the daughter of an R.A. She determined to look through it one day, and clear it all. And the grotesque furniture interested her. 在这间储藏室里,几幅埃德温·兰西尔爵士(注:1802-1873,英国画家,以动物画著称。)的画作堪称败笔,几张威廉·亨利·亨特(注:1790-1864,英国水彩画家,擅长表现水果、花木、飞禽、鸟巢等题材,是拉斐尔前派的代表人物之一。)的鸟巢也算不得佳作,还有其他不少出自皇家艺术学会名家的作品,已足够让身为会员之女的她咋舌不已。她决定找一天,将这里清查一遍,收拾停当。那些奇形怪状的家具引起了她的兴趣。 Wrapped up carefully to preserve it from damage and dry-rot was the old family cradle, of rosewood. She had to unwrap it, to look at it. It had a certain charm: she looked at it a longtime. 她找到家传的红木摇篮,包裹得严严实实,以防损坏或干腐。她只得层层拆开来看。摇篮有某种独特的魔力,让她注视良久。 "It's thousand pities it won't be called for," sighed Mrs. Bolton, who was helping. "Though cradles like that are out of date nowadays." "It might be called for. I might have a child," said Connie casually, as if saying she might have a new hat. “它派不上用场,实在太可惜了,”在旁帮忙的博尔顿太太叹道,“不过,这种摇篮已经过时了。”“或许会用得着。或许我会生个孩子。”康妮轻描淡写地说,似乎在宣布自己要买顶新帽子。 "You mean if anything happened to Sir Clifford!" stammered Mrs. Bolton. “您是说如果克利福德爵士能康复?”博尔顿太太结结巴巴地说。 "No! I mean as things are. It's only muscular paralysis with Sir Clifford—it doesn't affect him," said Connie, lying as naturally as breathing. “不!我是说依照目前的状况而行。克利福德爵士只不过是肌肉麻痹而已——并不影响他孕育后代。”康妮说,扯谎如同呼吸般轻而易举。 Clifford had put the idea into her head. He had said: "of course I may have a child yet. I'm not really mutilated at all. The potency may easily come back, even if the muscles of the hips and legs are paralysed. And then the seed may be transferred.” He really felt, when he had his periods of energy and worked so hard at the question of the mines, as if his sexual potency were returning. Connie had looked at him in terror. But she was quite quick-witted enough to use his suggestion for her own preservation. For she would have a child if she could: but not his. 克利福德给她灌输过这种想法。他曾经说过:“我当然还可以生孩子。我并没有完全残废。即使臀部和双腿的肌肉已经瘫痪,生育能力还是能够轻松地恢复。而且精子也可以移植。”当他精力充沛,专心致志地钻研煤矿问题时,他真的感觉自己的性能力就要恢复。康妮看着他,不禁心生畏惧。但她的反应也确实机敏,用克利福德的暗示,当作自己的挡箭牌。因为如果可能的话,她愿意生个孩子,但父亲绝不会是克利福德。 Mrs. Bolton was for a moment breathless, flabbergasted. Then she didn't believe it: she saw in it a ruse. Yet doctors could do such things nowadays. They might sort of graft seed. 博尔顿太太一时间惊得说不出话,目瞪口呆。可她并未信以为真,识破康妮在耍花招。但如今的医生能够做到这种事。他们可以完成人工受精。 "Well, my Lady, I only hope and pray you may. It would be lovely for you: and for everybody. My word, a child in Wragby, what a difference it would make!” "Wouldn't it!" said Connie. “哦,夫人,我整天盼着您能有个孩子,并为之祈祷。这对您,对大家都是件好事。天呢,格拉比要能有位小主人,那简直会引起地覆天翻的变化呢!”“谁说不是呢!”康妮附和道。 And she chose three R.A. pictures of sixty years ago, to send to the Duchess of Shortlands for that lady's next charitable bazaar. She was called 'the bazaar duchess', and she always asked all the county to send things for her to sell. She would be delighted with three framed R.A.s. She might even call, on the strength of them. How furious Clifford was when she called! 她选出三张皇家艺术学会会员的作品,均有超过60年的历史,送去给肖特兰兹公爵夫人,以备下次慈善义卖之用。她被称为“义卖公爵夫人”,总在全国范围内征求义卖物品。这三幅装裱停当的画作均出自皇家艺术学会名家之手,准能讨到她的欢心。她甚至有可能因此登门致谢。要是她来拜访,克利福德准会火冒三丈! But oh my dear! Mrs. Bolton was thinking to herself. Is it Oliver Mellors'child you're preparing us for? Oh my dear, that would be a Tevershall baby in the Wragby cradle, my word! Wouldn't shame it, neither! 可是,我的天呀!博尔顿太太暗自寻思。你要生的不会是奥利弗·梅勒斯的孩子吧?我的天啊,那样的话,格拉比的摇篮岂不是要孕育特弗沙尔的野种?哎哟哟!不过,那也不算辱没了这个摇篮! Among other monstrosities in this lumber room was a largish blackjapanned box, excellently and ingeniously made some sixty or seventy years ago, and fitted with every imaginable object. On top was a concentrated toilet set: brushes, bottles, mirrors, combs, boxes, even three beautiful little razors in safety sheaths, shaving-bowl and all. Underneath came a sort of ESCRITOIRE outfit: blotters, pens, ink-bottles, paper, envelopes, memorandum books: and then a perfect sewing-outfit, with three different sized scissors, thimbles, needles, silks and cottons, darning egg, all of the very best quality and perfectly finished. Then there was a little medicine store, with bottles labelled Laudanum, Tincture of Myrrh, Ess.Cloves and so on: but empty. Everything was perfectly new, and the whole thing, when shut up, was as big as a small, but fat weekend bag. And inside, it fitted together like a puzzle. The bottles could not possibly have spilled: there wasn't room. 这个杂物间里还有不少稀奇古怪的物件,一只体积硕大的黑漆盒子,做工精美巧妙,有六七十年的历史,里面装着各式各样的玩意儿。上层是一整套化妆用具,刷子、瓶子、镜子、梳子、盒子、甚至还有三把带鞘的精致小剃刀,以及剃须碗之类的东西。下层则是各种文具,吸墨纸、钢笔、墨水瓶、纸、信封、便笺本。然后是女红用具,有三把大小各异的剪刀、顶针、针、丝线、棉线、织补衬球,件件质量上乘,精工细作。此外,还有少量药品,瓶子上贴着鸦片酊、没药剂、丁香精等等标签,但里面都是空的。所有东西都是崭新的,把箱盖合上,就像一个装满物什的小周末行李包。盒子内部的布置活像个迷宫。瓶子里的东西都不会洒出来,因为根本没有倾覆的空间。 The thing was wonderfully made and contrived, excellent craftsmanship of the Victorian order. But somehow it was monstrous. Some Chatterley must even have felt it, for the thing had never been used. It had a peculiar soullessness. 箱子的设计和做工都极为精巧,是维多利亚时期绝妙的手艺。但不知为何,它总显得有几分怪异。查泰莱家族的某位先人想必也有同感,因为它从来未被使用过。它给人灵魂缺失的奇异感觉。 Yet Mrs. Bolton was thrilled. 不过,博尔顿太太却喜形于色。 "Look what beautiful brushes, so expensive, even the shaving brushes, three perfect ones! No! And those scissors! They're the best that money could buy. Oh, I call it lovely!” "Do you?" said Connie. “瞧啊,多么漂亮的刷子呀,如此奢华,甚至那三把刮脸刷都那样完美!噢!还有那些剪子!都是能买得到的最好的精品了。哦,简直太漂亮了!”“是吗?”康妮说。 "Then you have it." "Oh no, my Lady!" "Of course! It will only lie here till Doomsday. If you won't have it, I'll send it to the Duchess as well as the pictures, and she doesn't deserve so much. Do have it!” "Oh, your Ladyship! Why, I shall never be able to thank you." "You needn't try," laughed Connie. “那归你了。”“啊,不,夫人!”“不用客气!不然,它会搁在这里直到世界末日的。如果你不要,我就连同那些画,一起送去给公爵夫人,但她不配得到这么多东西。拿去吧!”“噢,夫人!哦,我真不知道怎么感谢您。”“那就不用谢了。”康妮笑道。 And Mrs. Bolton sailed down with the huge and very black box in her arms, flushing bright pink in her excitement. 博尔顿太太怀抱着那只黑漆大盒子,激动得满脸通红,兴高采烈地下楼去了。 Mr. Betts drove her in the trap to her house in the village, with the box. And she had to have a few friends in, to show it: the school-mistress, the chemist's wife, Mrs. Weedon the undercashier's wife. They thought it marvellous. And then started the whisper of Lady Chatterley's child. 贝茨先生驾着双轮马车,把博尔顿太太和箱子,送回特弗沙尔村的家里。她请来几位朋友,炫耀自己新得的宝贝,有学校女教员、药剂师夫人以及助理出纳威登先生的妻子。大家都赞不绝口。然后,她们就窃窃私语起来,议论查泰莱太太要生孩子的事。 "Wonders'll never cease!" said Mrs. Weedon. “奇迹常在!”威登太太评价说。 But Mrs. Bolton was convinced, if it did come, it would be Sir Clifford's child. So there! 博尔顿太太深信不疑,如果真有孩子,父亲肯定是克利福德爵士。事情就是如此! Not long after, the rector said gently to Clifford: "And may we really hope for an heir to Wragby? Ah, that would be the hand of God in mercy, indeed!" "Well! We may HOPE," said Clifford, with a faint irony, and at the same time, a certain conviction. He had begun to believe it really possible it might even be HIS child. 没过多久,教区牧师就语重心长地对克利福德说:“我们是不是真的可以期待,拉格比将会有个继承人呢?啊,若真如此,那真是要感谢慈悲的上帝!”“哦!希望是这样。”克利福德说,语气略带讥讽,可与此同时,连他自己也有些信以为真了。他开始相信,真的可能甚至有自己的孩子。 Then one afternoon came Leslie Winter, Squire Winter, as everybody called him: lean, immaculate, and seventy: and every inch a gentleman, as Mrs. Bolton said to Mrs. Betts. Every millimetre indeed! And with his old-fashioned, rather haw-haw! manner of speaking, he seemed more out of date than bag wigs. 某天下午,莱斯利·温特,人们口中的“乡绅”温特,前来拜访克利福德。他年过古稀,身材瘦削,气度非凡,从头到脚都透出贵族派头。当着贝茨太太,博尔顿太太对他做过如是评价。彻头彻尾的绅士做派!他说话的时候,总是伴着哈哈的笑声,听起来非常老派。他这种老套的谈话方式,简直比18世纪那些戴假发的家伙还要过时。 Time, in her flight, drops these fine old feathers. 飞逝的时光,将这些古雅的羽毛都吹散了。 They discussed the collieries. Clifford's idea was, that his coal, even the poor sort, could be made into hard concentrated fuel that would burn at great heat if fed with certain damp, acidulated air at a fairly strong pressure. It had long been observed that in a particularly strong, wet wind the pit-bank burned very vivid, gave off hardly any fumes, and left a fine powder of ash, instead of the slow pink gravel. 他们的话题围绕着煤矿。克利福德的想法是,即便自家的煤炭品质较差,也能够加工成高度浓缩的燃料,如果在强大的压力环境下,施以某种潮湿的酸性气体,便能燃烧产生巨大的热能。早有科学实验证明,置于极其强烈潮湿的气流中,煤炭能够充分燃烧,几乎不产生任何烟尘,残留物是精细的粉末,而非粉红色的渣滓。 "But where will you find the proper engines for burning your fuel?" asked Winter. “可你到哪里去找适合的机器,来燃烧你的燃料呢?”温特问。 "I'll make them myself. And I'll use my fuel myself. And I'll sell electric power. I'm certain I could do it.” "If you can do it, then splendid, splendid, my dear boy. Haw! Splendid! If I can be of any help, I shall be delighted. I'm afraid I am a little out of date, and my collieries are like me. But who knows, when I'm gone, there may be men like you. Splendid! It will employ all the men again, and you won't have to sell your coal, or fail to sell it. A splendid idea, and I hope it will be a success. If I had sons of my own, no doubt they would have up-to-date ideas for Shipley: no doubt! By the way, dear boy, is there any foundation to the rumour that we may entertain hopes of an heir to Wragby?” "Is there a rumour?" asked Clifford. “我自己研制。使用自己的燃料。然后出售产生的电力。我很有把握做到这一点。”“如果你能做到,那简直太棒了,棒极了,我亲爱的孩子。哈哈!棒极了!要是能帮上忙,我乐意效劳。恐怕我有些落伍,我的煤矿也跟我一样德行。可谁知道呢,我归天以后,或许也会有你这样的人接班。太棒了!所有工人都又会有饭吃,再也不用担心煤卖不出去。这真是个好主意,我希望它能够大获成功。要是我有儿子,他们肯定也能想出些新点子,推动希普利煤矿的发展,这毫无疑问!顺便问一句,亲爱的孩子,外面的传言究竟有否根据?我们是否可以期待拉格比后继有人呢?”“外面有谣传吗?”克利福德问。 "Well, my dear boy, Marshall from Fillingwood asked me, that's all I can say about a rumour. Of course I wouldn't repeat it for the world, if there were no foundation.” "Well, Sir," said Clifford uneasily, but with strange bright eyes. "There is a hope. There is a hope." Winter came across the room and wrung Clifford's hand. “哦,亲爱的孩子,菲林伍德的马绍尔向我打听过此事,我听到的仅此而已。当然,如果这只是捕风捉影,我绝不会向外透露半字。”“哦,温特先生,”克利福德不安地说,两眼闪烁着奇异的光芒。“的确有希望。的确有希望。”温特从房间那边走上前来,紧紧握住克利福德的手。 "My dear boy, my dear lad, can you believe what it means to me, to hear that! And to hear you are working in the hopes of a son: and that you may again employ every man at Tevershall. Ah, my boy! to keep up the level of the race, and to have work waiting for any man who cares to work!—” “我亲爱的孩子,我亲爱的小伙子,你能想象得知这个消息,我有多么开心!得知你心怀得子的希望努力工作,得知你将召回特沃沙弗所有的工人。啊,我的孩子!能够在竞争中处于领先,能够给所有愿意工作的人们提供岗位……” The old man was really moved. 老人感动得无可不可。 Next day Connie was arranging tall yellow tulips in a glass vase. 翌日,康妮捧着一大束黄色郁金香,正往玻璃花瓶里插。 "Connie," said Clifford, "did you know there was a rumour that you are going to supply Wragby with a son and heir?" Connie felt dim with terror, yet she stood quite still, touching the flowers. “康妮,”克利福德说,“有传言你要给格拉比生个儿子和继承人,你晓得此事吗?”康妮隐约感到有些担忧,但她依然镇定自若,摆弄着瓶中的花。 "No!" she said. “没听说!”她说。 "Is it a joke? Or malice?" He paused before he answered: "Neither, I hope. I hope it may be a prophecy." Connie went on with her flowers. “是玩笑?还是恶意中伤?”他沉默半晌,然后答道:“我希望两者都不是。我希望这是种预兆。”康妮仍在理顺着她的花。 "I had a letter from Father this morning," she said. "He wants to know if I am aware he has accepted Sir Alexander Cooper's Invitation for me for July and August, to the Villa Esmeralda in Venice.” "July AND August?" said Clifford. “今天早上,我接到父亲的来信。”她岔开话题。“他提醒我,他已经替我接受了亚历山大·库伯爵士的邀请,七八月份到威尼斯的埃斯梅拉达别墅度假。”“七八月份?”克利福德说。 "Oh, I wouldn't stay all that time. Are you sure you wouldn't come?” "I won't travel abroad," said Clifford promptly. She took her flowers to the window. “噢,我不会待那么久。你真的不跟我一起去吗?”“我不想离开英格兰。”克利福德不假思索地说。她把花瓶拿到窗边。 "Do you mind if I go?" she said. You know it was promised, for this summer. “你不介意我去吧?”她问。“你晓得,今年夏天的事是早就约好的。” "For how long would you go?" "Perhaps three weeks." There was silence for a time. “你打算逗留多长时间?”“或许三周吧。”两人一时陷入沉默。 "Well," said Clifford slowly, and a little gloomily. "I suppose I could stand it for three weeks: if I were absolutely sure you'd want to come back.” "I should want to come back," she said, with a quiet simplicity, heavy with conviction. She was thinking of the other man. “呃,”克利福德缓缓地说,表情颇为阴郁。“三星期的话,我还可以忍受,前提是确定你还想回来。”“我愿意回来。”她轻声说,言简意赅,言之凿凿。她正想着另一个男人。 Clifford felt her conviction, and somehow he believed her, he believed it was for him. He felt immensely relieved, joyful at once. 克利福德感受到她的坚定,也相信她说的话,相信她这样做全是为了他。他放下心头大石,立刻笑逐颜开。 "In that case," he said, "I think it would be all right, don't you?” "I think so," she said. “那样的话,”他说,“我觉得没问题,是吧?”“我也这样想。”她回答。 "You'd enjoy the change?” She looked up at him with strange blue eyes. “你想换换心情?”她抬头望着他,蓝色的双眸闪耀着异样的光彩。 "I should like to see Venice again," she said, "and to bathe from one of the shingle islands across the lagoon. But you know I loathe the Lido! And I don't fancy I shall like Sir Alexander Cooper and Lady Cooper. But if Hilda is there, and we have a gondola of our own: yes, it will be rather lovely. I do wish you'd come.” She said it sincerely. She would so love to make him happy, in these ways. “我想重游威尼斯,”她说,“到泻湖对面的砂石海滩上畅泳。但你知道的,我讨厌利多岛(注:威尼斯附近一小岛,旅游胜地)!我恐怕也很难与亚历山大·库伯夫妇交好。如果希尔达能一起去,再有条凤尾船,没错,那肯定会有意思得多。我真的希望你也能去。”她真诚地说。她希望出去散散心能让他快活起来。 "Ah, but think of me, though, at the Gare du Nord: at Calais quay!” "But why not? I see other men carried in litter-chairs, who have been wounded in the war. Besides, we'd motor all the way.” "We should need to take two men." "Oh no! We'd manage with Field. There would always be another man there.” But Clifford shook his head. “啊,可想想我在巴黎北站和加莱码头的情形吧!”“为什么不呢?我见过其他伤兵,被用轿椅抬着旅行。再说,我们乘汽车去。”“我们得带两名随从。”“哦,不用!菲尔德自己就应付得来。意大利那边总会有仆从的。”但克利福德还是不肯接受。 "Not this year, dear! Not this year! Next year probably I'll try.” She went away gloomily. Next year! What would next year bring? She herself did not really want to go to Venice: not now, now there was the other man. But she was going as a sort of discipline: and also because, if she had a child, Clifford could think she had a lover in Venice. “今年就算了,亲爱的!今年就算了!明年我或许愿意试试看。”她心中不悦,转身离开。明年!明年又会有怎样的变化?她自己也不太想去威尼斯,至少现在不想去,因为另一个男人会让她牵肠挂肚。但她还是要去,毕竟要言出必行。而另一个理由是,如果怀上孩子,克利福德准会认为她是在威尼斯找的情郎。 It was already May, and in June they were supposed to start. Always these arrangements! Always one's life arranged for one! Wheels that worked one and drove one, and over which one had no real control! 如今已是五月,按计划六月就要动身。总要依照安排行事!人生总是计划好的!时间的车轮驱人奋进,而人往往身不由己。 It was May, but cold and wet again. A cold wet May, good for corn and hay! Much the corn and hay matter nowadays! Connie had to go into Uthwaite, which was their little town, where the Chatterleys were still THE Chatterleys. She went alone, Field driving her. 如今是五月,天气又湿又冷。五月阴寒,谷草繁然。今时今日,谷物和牧草变得至关重要!康妮得去趟乌斯维特,那是他们荫蔽下的小镇,在那里,查泰莱依然是威名赫赫的姓氏。她独自前往,菲尔德为她开车。 In spite of May and a new greenness, the country was dismal. It was rather chilly, and there was smoke on the rain, and a certain sense of exhaust vapour in the air. One just had to live from one's resistance. No wonder these people were ugly and tough. 虽然已是五月,绿意盎然,但乡间的景致依然阴霾。春寒料峭,烟雨朦胧,空气中弥漫着倦意。人们必须竭力抗争,才能求得生存。难怪这里的百姓形貌丑陋,颇能吃苦耐劳。 The car ploughed uphill through the long squalid straggle of Tevershall, the blackened brick dwellings, the black slate roofs glistening their sharp edges, the mud black with coal-dust, the pavements wet and black. It was as if dismalness had soaked through and through everything. The utter negation of natural beauty, the utter negation of the gladness of life, the utter absence of the instinct for shapely beauty which every bird and beast has, the utter death of the human intuitive faculty was appalling. The stacks of soap in the grocers'shops, the rhubarb and lemons in the greengrocers! the awful hats in the milliners! all went by ugly, ugly, ugly, followed by the plaster-and-gilt horror of the cinema with its wet picture announcements, "A Woman's Love!” 汽车费力地爬坡,穿过特弗沙尔拖沓散落的肮脏村落,到处都是变黑的砖房,棱角分明的黑石板屋顶闪耀着光芒,混着煤灰的黑泥把路面弄得潮湿脏乱。似乎阴霾已经将一切浸透。自然的美感全无,生命的愉悦不在,鸟兽对形态美的敏感仅失,人类的直觉力荡然无存,更是令人震惊。杂货店里层层叠叠摆着肥皂,菜蔬摊上零零散散搁着大黄和柠檬!女帽店里的帽子难看极了!掠过的一幕幕都丑陋不堪,灰泥和镀金材料盖建的剧院俗不可耐,湿漉漉的海报上写着“女人之爱”! And the new big Primitive chapel, primitive enough in its stark brick and big panes of greenish and raspberry glass in the windows. The Wesleyan chapel, higher up, was of blackened brick and stood behind iron railings and blackened shrubs. The Congregational chapel, which thought itself superior, was built of rusticated sandstone and had a steeple, but not a very high one. Just beyond were the new school buildings, expensivink brick, and gravelled playground inside iron railings, all very imposing, and fixing the suggestion of a chapel and a prison. Standard Five girls were having a singing lesson, just finishing the la-me-doh-la exercises and beginning a "sweet children's song”. Anything more unlike song, spontaneous song, would be impossible to imagine: a strange bawling yell that followed the outlines of a tune. It was not like savages: savages have subtle rhythms. It was not like animals: animals mean something when they yell. It was like nothing on earth, and it was called singing. Connie sat and listened with her heart in her boots, as Field was filling petrol. What could possibly become of such a people, a people in whom the living intuitive faculty was dead as nails, and only queer mechanical yells and uncanny will-power remained? A coal-cart was coming downhill, clanking in the rain. Field started upwards, past the big but weary-looking drapers and clothing shops, the post-office, into the little market-place of forlorn space, where Sam Black was peering out of the door of the Sun, that called itself an inn, not a pub, and where the commercial travellers stayed, and was bowing to Lady Chatterley's car. 接下来是循道会新盖的大教堂,毫无装饰的砖墙,还有红绿相间的大玻璃窗格,实在是足够粗陋。卫斯理公会的礼拜堂稍微高些,用发黑的方砖砌成,被铁栏杆和发黑的树篱围绕着。公理教会的教堂自以为出类拔萃,用料是粗面砂岩,还配有不是太高的尖塔。后面是崭新的校舍,选取价格高昂的粉砖,操场用石子铺成,围着铁栅栏,气势非凡,像是教堂和监狱的混合体。五年级女生正上歌唱课,刚刚做完发声练习,开始唱名为“甜蜜童谣”的歌曲。再也找不出这么不着边际的歌曲,因为歌唱本应是情感的自然流露,实在无法想象,它更像是闻所未闻的喊叫,和着简单的曲调。这表演连野蛮人都不如,野蛮人也懂得微妙的韵律。这表演连野兽都赶不上,野兽的吼叫也传达着某些含义。世间再也听不到这样的怪腔怪调,但竟然被称作歌唱。菲尔德忙着加油的时候,康妮坐在车里,侧耳倾听,情绪随之跌入谷底。这样的民族将会何去何从?他们曾经敏锐的直觉力已经僵化,只剩下呆板异常的呼号,以及离奇怪诞的意志力。一辆运煤车正在下坡,在雨中发出金属撞击的叮当声。菲尔德迎面向坡上开去,连续经过布店、服装店以及邮局,这些铺面虽然宽敞,但却平淡无奇。然后驶进空场上的袖珍商业区,萨姆·布莱克正从太阳旅栈里向外张望,向着查泰莱夫人的座驾鞠躬致意。那家小店以旅店自居,而非酒馆,住的都是来往客商。 The church was away to the left among black trees. The car slid on downhill, past the Miners' Arms. It had already passed the Wellington, the Nelson, the Three Tuns, and the Sun, now it passed the Miners' Arms, then the Mechanics'Hall, then the new and almost gaudy Miners"Welfare and so, past a few new "villas", out into the blackened road between dark hedges and dark green fields, towards Stacks Gate. 大教堂位于左侧稍远的地方,为黑压压的树木所环抱。汽车开始下坡,将“矿工港湾”甩在背后。驶过韦林顿、尼尔森、三桶以及太阳这几家旅栈酒馆,现在正经过“矿工港湾”,接下来便是“技工中心”,新开张但华而不实的“矿工之家”,还有几家新“公馆”,开上通往斯塔克斯门的漆黑大道,两侧是阴暗的树篱和墨绿的旷野。 Tevershall! That was Tevershall! Merrie England! Shakespeare's England! No, but the England of today, as Connie had realized since she had come to live in it. It was producing a new race of mankind, over-conscious in the money and social and political side, on the spontaneous, intuitive side dead, but dead. Half-corpses, all of them: but with a terrible insistent consciousness in the other half. There was something uncanny and underground about it all. It was an under-world. And quite incalculable. How shall we understand the reactions in half-corpses? When Connie saw the great lorries full of steel-workers from Sheffield, weird, distorted smallish beings like men, off for an excursion to Matlock, her bowels fainted and she thought: Ah God, what has man done to man? What have the leaders of men been doing to their fellow men? They have reduced them to less than humanness; and now there can be no fellowship any more! It is just a nightmare. 特弗沙尔!这就是特弗沙尔!快乐的英格兰!莎翁的英格兰!不,这就是当今英格兰的缩影,自从康妮来此地定居,对这一点已经心知肚明。这里孕育出全新的人种,内心在乎的只有金钱、社会与政治,而那些自然流露、与生俱来的部分却已经泯灭,踪影不见。他们无一不是行尸走肉,但仅存的一半意识却异常执着。这实在是稀奇古怪,神秘莫测。这里与冥界无异。无法揣度和预估。我们怎能理解行尸的反应呢?一队大卡车从康妮眼前开过,满载着谢菲尔德的炼钢工人。他们个个表情怪异,身形扭曲萎缩,不成人样,正往马特洛克进发。她内心一阵抽搐,暗暗想道:啊,上帝,人类究竟对自己做了些什么?人间的卓越领袖们到底对同胞们做了些什么?他们把自己弄得人性丧尽,情谊无存。如同置身痛苦的梦魇。 She felt again in a wave of terror the grey, gritty hopelessness of it all. With such creatures for the industrial masses, and the upper classes as she knew them, there was no hope, no hope any more. Yet she was wanting a baby, and an heir to Wragby! An heir to Wragby! She shuddered with dread. 恐惧的浪潮再度袭来,她被挥之不去的阴霾绝望所笼罩。只为工业生产而活的生灵,与她所熟知的上层阶级联手,将希望全部击碎,让理想荡然无存。但她还是盼着能有个孩子,为拉格比留下子嗣!拉格比的子嗣!她心有余悸地颤抖起来。 Yet Mellors had come out of all this!— Yes, but he was as apart from it all as she was. Even in him there was no fellowship left. It was dead. The fellowship was dead. There was only apartness and hopelessness, as far as all this was concerned. And this was England, the vast bulk of England: as Connie knew, since she had motored from the centre of it. 而梅勒斯同样生长于斯——没错,但他同样出污泥而不染,和她一样超凡脱俗。即使在他身上,也找不到任何朋友情谊。已经消失殆尽。真情厚意已经不见踪影。如果说还留存着什么,那就是孤独和绝望。但这就是英格兰的真实写照,当今英格兰的绝大部分地区都是如此,对此康妮再清楚不过,因为她乘车从腹地一路驶来。 The car was rising towards Stacks Gate. The rain was holding off, and in the air came a queer pellucid gleam of May. The country rolled away in long undulations, south towards the Peak, east towards Mansfield and Nottingham. Connie was travelling South. 汽车直奔斯塔克斯门而去。云收雨歇,天空中呈现出澄明的奇异光彩,这是五月英伦特有的景象。绵延起伏的乡村景色在眼前掠过,往南是皮克,而曼斯菲尔德和诺丁汉则在东边。康妮正自北向南进发。 As she rose on to the high country, she could see on her left, on a height above the rolling land, the shadowy, powerful bulk of Warsop Castle, dark grey, with below it the reddish plastering of miners' dwellings, newish, and below those the plumes of dark smoke and white steam from the great colliery which put so many thousand pounds per annum into the pockets of the Duke and the other shareholders. The powerful old castle was a ruin, yet it hung its bulk on the low sky-line, over the black plumes and the white that waved on the damp air below. 汽车攀上高地,康妮看到左侧起伏的丘陵顶端,坐落着阴暗雄伟的沃索普城堡,主体呈深灰色,而下方则是稍新的矿工寓所,漆成红色,再往下,就是黑烟滚滚、白气腾腾的硕大煤矿,每年都会将成千上万的金元,送进公爵以及其他股东的腰包里。气势磅礴的旧城堡已成废墟,但它那庞大的身躯依然耸立于低垂的天际,俯瞰黑烟白雾在潮湿的空气中流动。 A turn, and they ran on the high level to Stacks Gate. Stacks Gate, as seen from the highroad, was just a huge and gorgeous new hotel, the Coningsby Arms, standing red and white and gilt in barbarous isolation off the road. But if you looked, you saw on the left rows of handsome "modern" dwellings, set down like a game of dominoes, with spaces and gardens, a queer game of dominoes that some weird "masters" were playing on the surprised earth. And beyond these blocks of dwellings, at the back, rose all the astonishing and frightening overhead erections of a really modern mine, chemical works and long galleries, enormous, and of shapes not before known to man. The head-stock and pit-bank of the mine itself were insignificant among the huge new installations. And in front of this, the game of dominoes stood forever in a sort of surprise, waiting to be played. 汽车转向,在高地上朝着斯塔克斯门驶去。从公路向上望去,整个斯塔克斯门只有那座恢弘壮丽、金碧辉煌的新饭店——康宁斯比饭店矗立在路旁,显得有些突兀。但只要仔细看,就会发现左手边有成排美观的“摩登”住宅,鳞次栉比,好似多米诺骨牌,其间点缀着空地和花园,像是某几位高深莫测的“大师”在这片奇迹的土地上展开的多米诺牌局。这片住宅区的另一端,在其背后,耸立着令人惊讶甚至望而生畏的高大建筑,包括一座真正现代化的煤矿,数座化工厂以及多条狭长的隧道,体积庞大,形状之奇特是人所未见。坐落在这些庞然大物般的全新设施之中,井架和矿坑都已算不得什么。在前端,多米诺骨牌经年累月地伫立着,带着几分惊讶,等待着轰然倒塌的命运。 This was Stacks Gate, new on the face of the earth, since the war. But as a matter of fact, though even Connie did not know it, downhill half a mile below the "hotel" was old Stacks Gate, with a little old colliery and blackish old brick dwellings, and a chapel or two and a shop or two and a little pub or two. 这就是战后重建的新斯塔克斯门。但事实上,甚至连康妮都不知晓,康宁斯比饭店下方半英里的所在就是昔日的斯塔克斯门。那儿有个小型旧矿,数座黑色旧砖房,一两座小礼拜堂,一两间店铺以及一两处小酒馆。 But that didn't count any more. The vast plumes of smoke and vapour rose from the new works up above, and this was now Stacks Gate: no chapels, no pubs, even no shops. Only the great works’, which are the modern Olympia with temples to all the gods; then the model dwellings: then the hotel. The hotel in actuality was nothing but a miners' pub though it looked first-classy. 但那些都已失去存在的价值。上方高耸着的新厂房,冒着阵阵浓烟和蒸汽,这里才是如今的斯塔克斯门,找不到礼拜堂、酒馆甚至店铺的踪影。只有巨大的厂房,好像现代的奥林匹亚,供奉各方神灵的庙堂一应俱全,还有千篇一律的住宅,以及那家顶级饭店。那饭店虽然看起来无可挑剔,但说白了,它只不过是矿工们醉生梦死的地方而已。 Even since Connie's arrival at Wragby this new place had arisen on the face of the earth, and the model dwellings had filled with riff-raff drifting in from anywhere, to poach Clifford's rabbits among other occupations. 自从康妮嫁到拉格比以来,斯塔克斯门迅速崛起,来自四面八方的乌合之众汇聚于此,住在样板化的住宅里,他们热衷的勾当之一,就是猎取克利福德的野兔。 The car ran on along the uplands, seeing the rolling county spread out. The county! It had once been a proud and lordly county. In front, looming again and hanging on the brow of the sky-line, was the huge and splendid bulk of Chadwick Hall, more window than wall, one of the most famous Elizabethan houses. Noble it stood alone above a great park, but out of date, passed over. It was still kept up, but as a show place. "Look how our ancestors lorded it!" That was the past. The present lay below. God alone knows where the future lies. The car was already turning, between little old blackened miners' cottages, to descend to Uthwaite. And Uthwaite, on a damp day, was sending up a whole array of smoke plumes and steam, to whatever gods there be. Uthwaite down in the valley, with all the steel threads of the railways to Sheffield drawn through it, and the coal-mines and the steel-works sending up smoke and glare from long tubes, and the pathetic little corkscrew spire of the church, that is going to tumble down, still pricking the fumes, always affected Connie strangely. It was an old market-town, centre of the dales. One of the chief inns was the Chatterley Arms. There, in Uthwaite, Wragby was known as Wragby, as if it were a whole place, not just a house, as it was to outsiders: Wragby Hall, near Tevershall: Wragby, a "seat'. 汽车沿着高地行驶,错落有致的村落绵延不绝。村落!这村落曾经充满自豪,富丽堂皇。正前方,赫然耸现于天际的,是雄伟壮观的查德威克大厦,其窗户占去墙壁的绝大部分比重,是伊丽莎白时期最著名的建筑之一。它依然孤傲地耸立着,下方有个广袤的园林,但早已经落伍,无法引起人们的注意。但它依然被完整地保存下来,作为参观的景点。“看看我们的祖先曾经多么不可一世!”那些都是过往云烟。现在横亘在下方。而未来在何处,只有上帝才清楚。汽车已经转向,将路两旁那些漆黑低矮、破烂不堪的矿工屋舍抛在身后,向下驶向乌斯维特。天气阴暗潮湿,乌斯维特升腾起滚滚浓烟和蒸汽,好像在焚香祈求哪路神仙。乌斯维特位于峪底,所有通往谢菲尔德的铁道钢轨都从这里经过,煤矿和钢铁厂的长烟囱吐出烟尘和火光,教堂那螺旋形的小尖塔凄凉破败,虽已几近倒塌,但仍能刺穿烟雾。这样的景象总是让康妮莫名地感动。这个古老的集镇坐落在溪谷中央。当地的主要旅栈里面,有家名为查泰莱。而在乌斯维特人心目中,拉格比好像是一方土地,而不是一座宅邸;而在外地人看来,毗邻特弗沙尔村的拉格比,不过是座豪宅。 The miners' cottages, blackened, stood flush on the pavement, with that intimacy and smallness of colliers' dwellings over a hundred years old. They lined all the way. The road had become a street, and as you sank, you forgot instantly the open, rolling country where the castles and big houses still dominated, but like ghosts. Now you were just above the tangle of naked railway-lines, and foundries and other "works" rose about you, so big you were only aware of walls. And iron clanked with a huge reverberating clank, and huge lorries shook the earth, and whistles screamed. 矿工们黑龊龊的棚屋,齐齐地排在路旁,延续着百年来矿工住所温暖狭小的特点。它们沿路排列成行。公路已经蜕变成街道,置身其间,空旷开阔、绵延起伏的乡村旧貌霎时被遗忘,在那里,城堡与豪宅仍如鬼魅般地耸立着。如今,脚下赤裸裸的铁轨纠缠交错,四周铸造厂及各式厂房拔地而起,让人感觉仿佛被坚壁环绕。钢铁相互撞击,叮当作响,回音震耳,巨型卡车摇撼着大地,汽笛嘶鸣。 Yet again, once you had got right down and into the twisted and crooked heart of the town, behind the church, you were in the world of two centuries ago, in the crooked streets where the Chatterley Arms stood, and the old pharmacy, streets which used to lead Out to the wild open world of the castles and stately couchant houses. 不过,若继续前进,来到蜿蜒曲折的市镇中心,踏进教堂背后那方两世纪前的天地,查泰莱旅栈和旧药房挺立在萦回屈曲的街道两旁,条条道路通向荒芜空旷的古老世界,那里散布着巍峨的城堡以及宏伟堂皇的宅邸。 But at the corner a policeman held up his hand as three lorries loaded with iron rolled past, shaking the poor old church. And not till the lorries were past could he salute her ladyship. 但在街角处,警察举手示意,三辆载满铁件的卡车得以通过,震得那座破旧的教堂左右摇晃。卡车过去后,他才来得及向从男爵夫人行礼。 So it was. Upon the old crooked burgess streets hordes of oldish blackened miners' dwellings crowded, lining the roads out. And immediately after these came the newer, pinker rows of rather larger houses, plastering the valley: the homes of more modern workmen. And beyond that again, in the wide rolling regions of the castles, smoke waved against steam, and patch after patch of raw reddish brick showed the newer mining settlements, sometimes in the hollows, sometimes gruesomely ugly along the sky-line of the slopes. And between, in between, were the tattered remnants of the old coaching and cottage England, even the England of Robin Hood, where the miners prowled with the dismalness of suppressed sporting instincts, when they were not at work. 这里就是如此。曲曲折折的旧街两旁,挤满破败黢黑的矿工房舍,迤逦向前延伸。紧接着映入眼帘的,是鳞列于山谷间的宽敞房屋,较先见的更新,且颜色更加鲜艳,那里住着新式产业工人。再向远处延伸,在古城堡盘踞的广阔区域,烟尘与蒸汽相互交缠,成片新盖的红砖房同样是矿工们的住所。有的建于低洼处,有的则位于高坡上,狰狞可怖地直插天际。然而,其间依然随处可见残破的马车及农舍,甚至是罗宾汉时代英格兰的古老遗迹。不当班的时候,矿工们便可四处游荡,使压抑已久的好动本能得以纾解。 England, my England! But which is MY England? The stately homes of England make good photographs, and create the illusion of a connexion with the Elizabethans. The handsome old halls are there, from the days of Good Queen Anne and Tom Jones. But smuts fall and blacken on the drab stucco, that has long ceased to be golden. And one by one, like the stately homes, they were abandoned. Now they are being pulled down. As for the cottages of England—there they are—great plasterings of brick dwellings on the hopeless countryside. 英格兰,我的英格兰!可究竟哪个英格兰才是属于我的?雄伟奢华的英式古宅确是拍照的绝佳选择,创造出置身于伊丽莎白时代的幻象。这些古老美观的宅邸,始建于仁爱的安妮女王(注:1665-1714,斯图亚特王朝的末代君主)或者汤姆·琼斯(注:英国小说家菲尔丁的名作《弃儿汤姆·琼斯的历史》中的主人公)时代。但飘落的煤尘弄黑了它们黄褐色的墙壁,金碧辉煌的壮观景象早已不复存在。像那些堂皇的古宅一样,这些豪宅渐渐都被废弃。如今它们正遭遇被摧毁的命运。至于那些英式村舍——散落在那里——这些砖砌的农家已变成绝望乡野上硕大的灰泥补丁。 "Now they are pulling down the stately homes, the Georgian halls are going. Fritchley, a perfect old Georgian mansion, was even now, as Connie passed in the car, being demolished. It was in perfect repair: till the war the Weatherleys had lived in style there. But now it was too big, too expensive, and the country had become too uncongenial. The gentry were departing to pleasanter places, where they could spend their money without having to see how it was made.” This is history. One England blots out another. The mines had made the halls wealthy. Now they were blotting them out, as they had already blotted out the cottages. The industrial England blots out the agricultural England. One meaning blots out another. The new England blots out the old England. And the continuity is not Organic, but mechanical. 如今,这些奢华的古宅逐渐被拆毁,乔治时代(注:乔治一世到乔治四世统治时期,1714-1830)的府邸正在消亡。就连弗里奇利,那座乔治时代美轮美奂的古老庄园,也难逃被夷为平地的宿命,康妮乘车路过时,正好目睹这一切。这座府邸几经修缮,依旧完好,大战爆发前,韦瑟利家族住在那里,过着骄奢淫逸的生活。但时过境迁,现在它显得太过庞大,太费金钱,与周围的环境也格格不入。贵族老爷们纷纷离去,寻找新的天堂,在那里,他们依然可以挥金如土,但无需过问钱财的来路。历史就是如此。旧日的英格兰被今时的取而代之。煤矿曾让这些府邸富丽堂皇。而此刻,却将它们送上覆灭的道路,先前,平头百姓的农舍同样遭遇过这样的命运。农业的英格兰被工业的所取代。新旧的理念交替更迭。旧英格兰被新英格兰所取代。历史的演进并非顺理成章,而是呆板僵化的。 Connie, belonging to the leisured classes, had clung to the remnants of the old England. It had taken her years to realize that it was really blotted out by this terrifying new and gruesome England, and that the blotting out would go on till it was complete. Fritchley was gone, Eastwood was gone, Shipley was going: Squire Winter's beloved Shipley. 属于有闲阶级的康妮,对旧英格兰的遗迹恋恋不舍。直至时过境迁,她才认识到旧英格兰确实已被可怖的后来者毁灭,而这种更新换代的过程仍在继续,直到彻底完成为止。弗里奇利消失不见,伊斯特伍德无踪无影,希普利也将灰飞烟灭,那可是“乡绅温特”心爱的府邸。 Connie called for a moment at Shipley. The park gates, at the back, opened just near the level crossing of the colliery railway; the Shipley colliery itself stood just beyond the trees. The gates stood open, because through the park was a right-of-way that the colliers used. They hung around the park. 康妮短暂拜访了希普利府。宅邸后面的园林大门敞开,距离煤矿铁路的平交路口很近,而希普利煤矿本就坐落在树林的彼端。园门之所以敞开,是因为矿工们拥有通行权。他们总在其中徘徊游荡。 The car passed the ornamental ponds, in which the colliers threw their newspapers, and took the private drive to the house. It stood above, aside, a very pleasant stucco building from the middle of the eighteenth century. It had a beautiful alley of yew trees, that had approached an older house, and the hall stood serenely spread out, winking its Georgian panes as if cheerfully. Behind, there were really beautiful gardens. 汽车经过观赏水池,里面漂着矿工们丢弃的废报纸,驶上直通宅邸的私人车道。这座讨人喜爱的灰泥建筑矗立在路旁,它始建于18世纪中叶。屋前有条美丽的紫杉小径,昔日曾通往某栋更加古旧的府邸。整座宅院安详沉静地舒展着身躯,乔治时代的玻璃窗格似乎正快活地眨着眼睛。宅邸后面是美轮美奂的花园。 Connie liked the interior much better than Wragby. It was much lighter, more alive, shapen and elegant. The rooms were panelled with creamy painted panelling, the ceilings were touched with gilt, and everything was kept in exquisite order, all the appointments were perfect, regardless of expense. Even the corridors managed to be ample and lovely, softly curved and full of life. 比起拉格比,这里的内部陈设更让康妮倾心。希普利光线充足,生机勃勃,布置格整,美观雅致。房间的墙壁都嵌着木板,漆成奶油色,天花板则采用了包金工艺,每件物什都整饬有序,所有摆设都尽善尽美,从不考虑所需的开销。甚至连走廊都设计得宽敞漂亮,优雅迤逦,充满活力。 But Leslie Winter was alone. He had adored his house. But his park was bordered by three of his own collieries. He had been a generous man in his ideas. He had almost welcomed the colliers in his park. Had the miners not made him rich! So, when he saw the gangs of unshapely men lounging by his ornamental waters—not in the private part of the park, no, he drew the line there—he would say: "the miners are perhaps not so ornamental as deer, but they are far more profitable." But that was in the golden—monetarily—latter half of Queen Victoria's reign. Miners were then "good working men'. 但莱斯利·温特却形单影只。他深爱着自己的府邸。但自家的花园与他开办的三座煤矿毗邻。他思想开明。对矿工出入他的园林,几乎抱着欢迎的态度。要是没有这些矿工,他又怎能发迹呢!因此,当目睹形容枯槁的矿工们,成群结队地在景观水池边徜徉——园林的私人领域不得入内——他就会说:“若论装点园林,矿工们或许不如几匹鹿,但他们却能给我带来更多的利润。”但那仍是财源滚滚的黄金时期——维多利亚女皇(注:1819-1901,英国历史在位时间最长的君主,其统治时期正是英国最强盛的“日不落帝国”时期。)在位的后半期。矿工们都是“良善的劳动者”。 Winter had made this speech, half apologetic, to his guest, the then Prince of Wales. And the Prince had replied, in his rather guttural English: "You are quite right. If there were coal under Sandringham, I would open a mine on the lawns, and think it first-rate landscape gardening. Oh, I am quite willing to exchange roe-deer for colliers, at the price. Your men are good men too, I hear.” But then, the Prince had perhaps an exaggerated idea of the beauty of money, and the blessings of industrialism. 温特说这席话时略带歉意,对他的客人,当时的威尔士王子倾诉心声。而王子则用喉音极重的英语作答:“你的话千真万确。若是桑德灵厄姆地底埋有煤炭,我会在草坪上开矿采掘,并将其视为园林中最美丽的风景。噢,我情愿用狍子交换矿工,高价来换。我还听说,给你干活的都是良民。”但当时,王子殿下似乎有些夸大其辞,将金元之美和工业之福祉捧得过高。 However, the Prince had been a King, and the King had died, and now there was another King, whose chief function seemed to be to open soup-kitchens. 尽管如此,那位王子后来还是登上王座,如今早已晏驾,在位的是另一位国君,其主要职责似乎只剩四处开设救济难民的施粥所。 And the good working men were somehow hemming Shipley in. New mining villages crowded on the park, and the squire felt somehow that the population was alien. He used to feel, in a good-natured but quite grand way, lord of his own domain and of his own colliers. Now, by a subtle pervasion of the new spirit, he had somehow been pushed out. It was he who did not belong any more. There was no mistaking it. The mines, the industry, had a will of its own, and this will was against the gentleman-owner. All the colliers took part in the will, and it was hard to live up against it. It either shoved you out of the place, or out of life altogether. 而不知为何,那些良善的矿工们正将希普利层层围困。新兴的矿村将庄园团团围住,乡绅温特发觉这些平头百姓们已非昔日的顺民。当初的他和蔼可亲,慷慨大方,以自家产业和矿工的主人自居。可现在,随着新思想潜移默化的影响,他发现自己已莫名其妙地被淘汰出局。跟不上潮流的正是他自己。这一点确实无疑。煤矿和工业都拥有自己的意志,这种意志是与贵族业主针锋相对的。所有的矿工都秉承这种意志,想要与之对抗难上加难。等待你的结局或许是被赶下台去,或者干脆性命不保。 Squire Winter, a soldier, had stood it out. But he no longer cared to walk in the park after dinner. He almost hid, indoors. Once he had walked, bare-headed, and in his patent-leather shoes and purple silk socks, with Connie down to the gate, talking to her in his well-bred rather haw-haw fashion. But when it came to passing the little gangs of colliers who stood and stared without either salute or anything else, Connie felt how the lean, well-bred old man winced, winced as an elegant antelope stag in a cage winces from the vulgar stare. The colliers were not PERSONALLY hostile: not at all. But their spirit was cold, and shoving him out. And, deep down, there was a profound grudge. They "worked for him". And in their ugliness, they resented his elegant, well-groomed, well-bred existence. "Who's he!” It was the DIFFERENCE they resented. 乡绅温特像个真正的斗士,选择顽抗到底。但晚饭过后,他不再去自家园林散步。他几乎终日闭门不出。一次,他光头没戴帽,穿着黑漆皮鞋和紫色丝袜,陪康妮走向园林大门,滔滔不绝地跟康妮聊天,依然是那“哈哈”不离口的高雅谈吐。但当两人与一小群矿工擦肩而过,他们并不行礼致意,只是站在那里盯着他。康妮觉得这位风度翩翩的清瘦老人有些畏缩,笼中优雅的羚羊面对粗俗的凝视也会如此。矿工们跟他并无私怨,半点皆无。但他们的心灵却异常冷漠,希冀着将他推翻。而深埋在其心底的,是不可估量的怨恨。他们“为他做工”。由于自身的粗鄙和丑陋,他们憎恨这位优雅讲究、出身高贵的老人。“他是谁呀!”真正招致怨恨的,是彼此间的差异。 And somewhere, in his secret English heart, being a good deal of a soldier, he believed they were right to resent the difference. He felt himself a little in the wrong, for having all the advantages. Nevertheless he represented a system, and he would not be shoved out. 他那颗英格兰人独有的审慎之心,充满昂扬的斗志,似乎也认为他们对阶级差异的憎恨合情合理。他认为自己生来养尊处优,确有不妥之处。然而,他毕竟代表着某种体制,并不甘心被淘汰出局。 Except by death. Which came on him soon after Connie's call, suddenly. And he remembered Clifford handsomely in his will. 死亡是个例外。康妮到访后不久,老乡绅突然撒手人寰。他没有忘记克利福德,留给他可观的遗产。 The heirs at once gave out the order for the demolishing of Shipley. It cost too much to keep up. No one would live there. So it was broken up. The avenue of yews was cut down. The park was denuded of its timber, and divided into lots. It was near enough to Uthwaite. In the strange, bald desert of this still-one-more no-man's-land, new little streets of semi-detacheds were run up, very desirable! The Shipley Hall Estate! 几位继承人立即下令拆毁了希普利府。维持这样大的宅邸,花费实在太高。没人愿意住在这里。因此它只能被毁掉。林荫道两侧的紫杉被伐倒。园林中的树木被砍光,分割成小块。那儿离乌斯维特仅有咫尺之遥。在这片奇异荒凉的“无主之地”上,全新的半独立式住宅小区拔地而起,人人趋之若鹜。希普利府住宅区! Within a year of Connie's last call, it had happened. There stood Shipley Hall Estate, an array of red-brick semi-detached "villas" in new streets. No one would have dreamed that the stucco hall had stood there twelve months before. 所有这些事均发生在康妮到访后的一年时间内。希普利府住宅区迅速崛起,新铺的街道上排列着红砖砌成的半独立式别墅。人们做梦也想不到,12个月之前,这里屹立着的还是座灰泥宅邸。 But this is a later stage of King Edward's landscape gardening, the sort that has an ornamental coal-mine on the lawn. 但这确是爱德华王执政后期的园艺风格,用煤矿来装点自家的草坪。 One England blots out another. The England of the Squire Winters and the Wragby Halls was gone, dead. The blotting out was only not yet complete. 旧日的英格兰被今时的所湮没。以乡绅温特和拉格比为代表的英格兰已经土崩瓦解,寿终正寝。而摧毁肃清的进程还未告终。 What would come after? Connie could not imagine. She could only see the new brick streets spreading into the fields, the new erections rising at the collieries, the new girls in their silk stockings, the new collier lads lounging into the Pally or the Welfare. The younger generation were utterly unconscious of the old England. There was a gap in the continuity of consciousness, almost American: but industrial really. What next? Connie always felt there was no next. She wanted to hide her head in the sand: or, at least, in the bosom of a living man. 以后会发生什么?康妮无法想象。她只能目睹着新砌的街区在旷野中延伸,新盖的厂房在煤矿旁竖起,妙龄少女穿着丝袜,青年矿工呼朋唤友,共赴欢场。年轻一代完全体验不到旧日英伦的精神。思想延续的过程中出现裂缝,几乎是美国式的,但真正的却是现代工业的裂缝。以后会怎样?康妮总感觉以后并不存在。她希望暂时将烦恼抛开,或者至少投入某个活生生男子的怀抱。 The world was so complicated and weird and gruesome! The common people were so many, and really so terrible. So she thought as she was going home, and saw the colliers trailing from the pits, grey-black, distorted, one shoulder higher than the other, slurring their heavy ironshod boots. Underground grey faces, whites of eyes rolling, necks cringing from the pit roof, shoulders Out of shape. Men! Men! Alas, in some ways patient and good men. In other ways, non-existent. Something that men SHOULD have was bred and killed out of them. Yet they were men. They begot children. One might bear a child to them. Terrible, terrible thought! They were good and kindly. But they were only half, Only the grey half of a human being. As yet, they were "good". But even that was the goodness of their halfness. Supposing the dead in them ever rose up! But no, it was too terrible to think of. Connie was absolutely afraid of the industrial masses. They seemed so WEIRD to her. A life with utterly no beauty in it, no intuition, always "in the pit'. 如今的世界如此纷繁复杂,不合常理,令人生畏!平头百姓人数众多,让上层阶级深感惶恐。回家的路上,她这样想到,此时适逢矿工们迈着疲惫的步伐离开煤矿,沉重的镶铁长靴拖出含混的声响,他们全身灰黑,面目全非,肩膀倾斜。长期的地下作业使他们面无血色,白色的眼珠骨碌碌转着,为适应低矮的矿坑,脖子总是紧缩着,肩膀失去应有的线条。人啊!人!唉,在某些方面,他们算得上坚韧良善的好人。但在其他方面,他们却如同孤魂野鬼。人类生来便应具备的某种特质被残酷地剥夺了。但他们仍算是人。他们成为人父。可以为他们生个一儿半女。多么可怕的念头啊!他们心地良善,和蔼可亲。但他们称不上完整的人类,只拥有人类灰暗的一半。到目前为止,他们仍是“良民”。但这样的良善只存在于现有的一半。要是那休眠的另一半苏醒过来!噢,不,单纯是想象都令人生畏。康妮对工人阶级怀有深深的畏惧。对她而言,他们过于离奇。他们的生命全无美感,直觉尽失,只知在井下劳作。 Children from such men! Oh God, oh God! 这种人生养的后代!噢,天呢,噢,天呢! Yet Mellors had come from such a father. Not quite. Forty years had made a difference, an appalling difference in manhood. The iron and the coal had eaten deep into the bodies and souls of the men. 但梅勒斯就是这种人的儿子。也不尽然。40年光阴足以改变一切,让人性产生地覆天翻的变化。钢铁与煤炭已经渗透进人的肉体乃至灵魂。 Incarnate ugliness, and yet alive! What would become of them all? Perhaps with the passing of the coal they would disappear again, off the face of the earth. They had appeared out of nowhere in their thousands, when the coal had called for them. Perhaps they were only weird fauna of the coal-seams. Creatures of another reality, they were elementals, serving the elements of coal, as the metal-workers were elementals, serving the element of iron. Men not men, but animas of coal and iron and clay. Fauna of the elements, carbon, iron, silicon: elementals. They had perhaps some of the weird, inhuman beauty of minerals, the lustre of coal, the weight and blueness and resistance of iron, the transparency of glass. Elemental creatures, weird and distorted, of the mineral world! They belonged to the coal, the iron, the clay, as fish belong to the sea and worms to dead wood. The anima of mineral disintegration! 肉身丑陋不堪,但却异常活跃。他们将来会变成怎样?或许随着煤炭的消亡,他们会再度灭绝,从地表蒸发。听到煤炭的召唤,他们不知从何处现身,成千上万。或许他们只是从煤层中爬出的奇异生物。他们来自另一未知的世界,只是某种要素,与煤元素发生作用,钢铁工人同样如此,只不过作用于铁元素而已。他们并非真正的人类,只是煤、铁甚至粘土的灵魂。碳、铁、硅等自然元素结成的动物体。他们或许拥有矿物质那奇异的非人之美,兼具煤的光泽,铁的沉重、忧郁和坚韧,玻璃的透明。这种元素生物来自于矿物世界,神秘莫测,奇形怪状。他们来自于煤、铁以及粘土,就像鱼类来自于海洋,虫类来自于枯木一样。矿物分解时产生的灵魂! Connie was glad to be home, to bury her head in the sand. She was glad even to babble to Clifford. For her fear of the mining and iron Midlands affected her with a queer feeling that went all over her, like influenza. 回到家里,将种种愁绪暂时抛到脑后,康妮深感欣慰。她甚至乐得跟克利福德闲扯。她对煤铁横行的英格兰中部心怀畏惧,这种奇异的情绪流感般弥漫于全身。 "Of course I had to have tea in Miss Bentley's shop," she said. “没法子,我只得留在本特利小姐店里喝茶。”她说。 "Really! Winter would have given you tea." "Oh yes, but I daren't disappoint Miss Bentley." Miss Bentley was a shallow old maid with a rather large nose and romantic disposition who served tea with a careful intensity worthy of a sacrament. “真的呀!温特应该请你喝茶才是。”“哦,是的,可我又不好驳本特利小姐的面子。”本特利小姐是个老处女,见识浅薄,长着蒜头鼻,生性浪漫,为人奉茶时谨慎而专注,简直像在做圣事。 "Did she ask after me?" said Clifford. “她问起过我吗?”克利福德说。 "Of course! MAY I ask your Ladyship how Sir Clifford is!— I believe she ranks you even higher than Nurse Cavell! “那还用说!请问夫人,克利福德爵士贵体安泰否?——依我看,在她心里,你甚至比卡维尔护士(注:1865-1915,英国护士,“一战”时期因助协约国军人逃出德国占领下的比利时,而被逮捕并处死。)还高尚呢! "And I suppose you said I was blooming." "Yes! And she looked as rapt as if I had said the heavens had opened to you. I said if she ever came to Tevershall she was to come to see you." "Me! Whatever for! See me!" "Why yes, Clifford. You can't be so adored without making some slight return. Saint George of Cappadocia was nothing to you, in her eyes.” "And do you think she'll come?” "Oh, she blushed! And looked quite beautiful for a moment, poor thing! Why don't men marry the women who would really adore them?” "The women start adoring too late. But did she say she'd come?” "Oh!" Connie imitated the breathless Miss Bentley, "your Ladyship, if ever I should dare to presume!" "Dare to presume! How absurd! But I hope to God she won't turn up. And how was her tea?” "Oh, Lipton's and very strong. But Clifford, do you realize you are the Roman de la rose of Miss Bentley and lots like her?” "I'm not flattered, even then.” "They treasure up every one of your pictures in the illustrated papers, and probably pray for you every night. It's rather wonderful.” She went upstairs to change. “我猜你大概说我正精力焕发吧?”“没错!她听得如痴如醉,好像我告诉她天堂的门已经为你打开一样。我跟她说,如果她来特弗沙尔,务必要来看望你。”“我!无缘无故的!来看望我!”“那当然,克利福德。人家那样爱慕你,你总得稍微有所表示吧。在她眼中,卡帕多西亚的圣乔治根本无法跟你相提并论。”“那你觉得她会来吗?”“噢,她羞得脸都红了!那个瞬间真是楚楚动人,可怜的人儿!男人们干嘛不娶那些真正爱慕自己的女人呢?”“女人们的爱恋总是来得太迟。她说她要来吗?”“啊!”康妮模仿起本特利小姐娇喘的样子,“夫人,我哪敢造次呀!”“造次!真是可笑!不过,我还是希望她别来。她家的茶味道如何?”“哦,地道的利普顿红茶,味道香浓。不过,克利福德,你可晓得,在本特利小姐和许多老处女心里,你可是地道的梦中情人呢?”“即使如此,我也没有受宠若惊的感觉。”“她们珍藏着你登在画报上的每张照片,或许每晚还为你祈祷呢。真是不可思议。”她上楼换衣服去了。 That evening he said to her: "You do think, don't you, that there is something eternal in marriage?” She looked at him. 当晚,克利福德对妻子说:“你是否觉得,婚姻中存在着某种东西,能够天长地久?”她望着他。 "But Clifford, you make eternity sound like a lid or a long, long chain that trailed after one, no matter how far one went." He looked at her, annoyed. “可克利福德,你口中的天长地久,听起来像是某种罩子,或者长长的锁链,即使走到天涯海角,也还是被牵绊着。”他盯着她,面有愠色。 "What I mean," he said, "is that if you go to Venice, you won't go in the hopes of some love affair that you can take au grand sérieux, will you?” "A love affair in Venice AU GRAND S ÉRIEUX? No. I assure you! No, I'd never take a love affair in Venice more than au très petit sérieux.” She spoke with a queer kind of contempt. He knitted his brows, looking at her. “我的意思是,”他说,“如果你去威尼斯,可别抱着寻找艳遇的企图。”“威尼斯艳遇?不会的。你大可放心!我在威尼斯不会去找任何艳遇,就连逢场作戏的行为都不会有。”她说这番话时,带有吊诡而轻蔑的口吻。他看着她,眉头紧锁。 Coming downstairs in the morning, she found the keeper's dog Flossie sitting in the corridor outside Clifford's room, and whimpering very faintly. 次日清晨,康妮下楼时,发觉守林人的猎犬弗洛西伏在克利福德门外的走廊上,低声呜咽着。 "Why, Flossie!" She said softly. "What are you doing here?" And she quietly opened Clifford's door. Clifford was sitting up in bed, with the bed-table and typewriter pushed aside, and the keeper was standing at attention at the foot of the bed. Flossie ran in. With a faint gesture of head and eyes, Mellors ordered her to the door again, and she slunk out. “嘿,弗洛西!”她柔声说。“你来这儿干嘛呀?”接着,她轻轻推开克利福德的房门。克利福德正坐在床上,折叠桌和打字机推在一旁,守林人毕恭毕敬地站在床脚。弗洛西跑了进去。梅勒斯用头和眼神微微示意它回到门外去,弗洛西悄无声息地溜了出去。 "Oh, good morning, Clifford!" Connie said. "I didn't know you were busy.” Then she looked at the keeper, saying good morning to him. He murmured his reply, looking at her as if vaguely. But she felt a whiff of passion touch her, from his mere presence. “哦,早安,克利福德!”康妮说。“我不知道你们有事。”接着,她的目光投向守林人,向他道声早安。他眼神茫然,低声回应着她的问候。但自从见到他,康妮就感觉到激情的热浪扑面袭来。 "Did I interrupt you, Clifford? I'm sorry.” "No, it's nothing of any importance.” She slipped out of the room again, and up to the blue boudoir on the first floor. She sat in the window, and saw him go down the drive, with his curious, silent motion, effaced. He had a natural sort of quiet distinction, an aloof pride, and also a certain look of frailty. A hireling! One of Clifford's hirelings! "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings." Was he an underling? Was he? What did he think of her? “我打搅你们了吧,克利福德?真抱歉。”“没有,都是些鸡毛蒜皮的小事。”她轻手轻脚地退出房间,来到一楼那间蓝色的梳妆室。她临窗而坐,目送他沿车道远去,直到他那与众不同的静默身姿消失不见。他那种浑然天成的安详显得卓尔不凡,他沉默超然的态度透露出骄傲,但也掺杂着某种脆弱的神情。奴仆!克利福德的一名奴仆!“亲爱的勃鲁西斯,不要埋怨命运不济,如果我们失身为奴,那也只能责怪自己。”(注:引自莎士比亚剧作《尤利斯·凯撒》)他当真只是名奴仆吗?真的吗?他又怎样看待她呢? It was a sunny day, and Connie was working in the garden, and Mrs. Bolton was helping her. For some reason, the two women had drawn together, in one of the unaccountable flows and ebbs of sympathy that exist between people. They were pegging down carnations, and putting in small plants for the summer. It was work they both liked. Connie especially felt a delight in putting the soft roots of young plants into a soft black puddle, and cradling them down. On this spring morning she felt a quiver in her womb too, as if the sunshine had touched it and made it happy. 某日,阳光和煦,康妮正在花园中忙碌,博尔顿太太担当助手。不知为何,两个女人被牵扯在一起,人与人之间存在着同情的浪潮,玄妙得难以说清。她俩把康乃馨系在杆上,栽种花草的嫩苗,以期夏日的绽放。两人都偏好此类活计。康妮特别喜欢把幼苗柔软的根系插进松软的黑土里,然后埋好。在这个春意盎然的早晨,她感觉自己的子宫都在震颤,好像受到阳光的抚摸,让它快活起来。 "It is many years since you lost your husband?" She said to Mrs. Bolton as she took up another little plant and laid it in its hole. “你丈夫去世很多年了吧?”她边对博尔顿太太说,边拾起一根嫩苗,埋进掘好的土坑里。 "Twenty-three!” Said Mrs. Bolton, as she carefully separated the young columbines into single plants. "Twenty-three years since they brought him home.” Connie's heart gave a lurch, at the terrible finality of it. "Brought him home!" “23年了!”博尔顿太太答道,小心翼翼地将娇嫩的耧斗菜一根根分开。“从他们把他送回家那刻算起,已经23年了。”听到这悲惨的结局,康妮心中不觉凄然。“送他回家!” "Why did he get killed, do you think?" she asked. “你觉得他究竟因何遇难?”她问。 "He was happy with you?" It was a woman's question to a woman. Mrs. Bolton put aside a strand of hair from her face, with the back of her hand. “你俩生活得幸福吗?”这是女人间才会有的问题。博尔顿太太抬起手背,将垂在脸上的发缕拨开。 "I don't know, my Lady! He sort of wouldn't give in to things: he wouldn't really go with the rest. And then he hated ducking his head for anything on earth. A sort of obstinacy, that gets itself killed. You see he didn't really care. I lay it down to the pit. He ought never to have been down pit. But his dad made him go down, as a lad; and then, when you're over twenty, it's not very easy to come out.” "Did he say he hated it?" "Oh no! Never! He never said he hated anything. He just made a funny face. He was one of those who wouldn't take care: like some of the first lads as went off so blithe to the war and got killed right away. He wasn't really wezzle-brained. But he wouldn't care. I used to say to him: 'You care for nought nor nobody!' But he did! The way he sat when my first baby was born, motionless, and the sort of fatal eyes he looked at me with, when it was over! I had a bad time, but I had to comfort HIM. 'It's all right, lad, it's all right!’ I said to him. And he gave me a look, and that funny sort of smile. He never said anything. But I don't believe he had any right pleasure with me at nights after; he'd never really let himself go. I used to say to him: Oh, let thysen go, lad! I'd talk broad to him sometimes. And he said nothing. But he wouldn't let himself go, or he couldn't. He didn't want me to have any more children. I always blamed his mother, for letting him in th'room. He'd no right t'ave been there. Men makes so much more of things than they should, once they start brooding.” "Did he mind so much?" said Connie in wonder. “我不知道,夫人!他生性好强,不愿随波逐流。任何事都无法让他屈服。这种执拗的脾气,确实是致命的。但他却不以为然。我将他的死归结于煤矿。他根本不应该去井下做工。但他迫于父命,很小的时候就当上矿工,岁月如梭,一旦超过20岁,想再脱身就不太容易了。”“他说过自己讨厌这份工作吗?”“噢,没有!从来没说过!他从不抱怨任何事。他最多只会做做怪样。他是那种满不在乎的人,就像大战初期首批开拔到前线的士兵,鲁莽轻率,即刻殒命。他并非呆头呆脑。只是无所顾忌。我总对他说:‘你从不在乎任何人和事!’但他的确在乎!头个孩子降生时,他呆坐在那里,动也不动,等到孩子呱呱坠地,他望着我的眼神异常凄惨。尽管我遭了不少罪,但还是要去安慰他。‘没事儿了,亲爱的,没事儿了!’我对他说。他望着我,露出怪异的笑容。他什么也没说。但我确信,自此以后我们夜里再也体验不到床笫之乐,他再也不会恣意发泄。我常对他说:嘿,给我放开点,伙计!我有时对他说些粗话。他却一声不吭。然而,他依然放不开手脚,或许再也无法那样做。他不想我再怀孩子。我总将这归咎于他的母亲,是她让他进入产房。他本来无权这样做。男人们一旦开始瞎琢磨,就总会小题大做。”“他那么在意呀?”康妮诧异地问。 "Yes, he sort of couldn't take it for natural, all that pain. And it spoilt his pleasure in his bit of married love. I said to him: If I don't care, why should you? It's my look-out! But all he'd ever say was: it's not right! "Perhaps he was too sensitive," said Connie. “是的,他无法将生产的痛楚当作顺理成章的事。这使他对夫妻之爱兴致全无。我对他说:连我都不当回事,你干嘛这么在意呀?该留心的是我!但他只迸出一句话:那样做不对!”“或许他太过多愁善感。”康妮说。 "That's it! When you come to know men, that's how they are: too sensitive in the wrong place. And I believe, unbeknown to himself he hated the pit, just hated it. He looked so quiet when he was dead, as if he'd got free. He was such a nice-looking lad. It just broke my heart to see him, so still and pure looking, as if he'd wanted to die. Oh, it broke my heart, that did. But it was the pit.” She wept a few bitter tears, and Connie wept more. It was a warm spring day, with a perfume of earth and of yellow flowers, many things rising to bud, and the garden still with the very sap of sunshine. “说得对!当你真正了解男人,就会发现他们的多愁善感总是用错地方。我相信,连他自己都不晓得,他对煤矿充满恨意,深恶痛绝。他死后的表情异常安详,好像总算得到超脱。他是个帅小伙儿。看到他那副平静纯洁的样子,好像甘心赴死一样,我的心都碎了。噢,我的心都碎了,真的。这一切都是煤矿造成的。”她悲痛不已,频频垂泪,而康妮却哭得更厉害。那是个温暖的春日,泥土的芬芳和黄花的馨香相互交缠,许多植物开始萌芽,静谧的花园中洒满阳光。 "It must have been terrible for you!" said Connie. “你肯定难受极了!”康妮说。 "Oh, my Lady! I never realized at first. I could only say: Oh my lad, what did you want to leave me for!— That was all my cry. But somehow I felt he'd come back.” "But he didn't want to leave you," said Connie. “哦,夫人!起初,我始终无法相信这事实。反复念叨着:亲爱的,你怎么能丢下我,撒手而去呢?——我就这么哭喊着。但心里却相信他还会回来。”“可离开你并非他的本意。”康妮说。 "Oh no, my Lady! That was only my silly cry. And I kept expecting him back. Especially at nights. I kept waking up thinking: Why he's not in bed with me!— It was as if my feelings wouldn't believe he'd gone. I just felt he'd have to come back and lie against me, so I could feel him with me. That was all I wanted, to feel him there with me, warm. And it took me a thousand shocks before I knew he wouldn't come back, it took me years.” "The touch of him," said Connie. “噢,是的,夫人!那只是我的傻话。我自始至终盼着他能回来。尤其是夜里。我整晚无法入眠,只是寻思着:为什么他没躺在我身边?——仿佛我的情感不愿承认他已经故去。我只觉得他肯定会归来,躺在我的身边,这样我就能感受到他的温暖。这就是我唯一的希望,再次感受到他的温暖。时光流逝,经历过无数次打击之后,我才明白他无法再回来。”“触碰到他的感觉。”康妮说。 "That's it, my Lady, the touch of him! I've never got over it to this day, and never shall. And if there's a heaven above, he'll be there, and will lie up against me so I can sleep.” Connie glanced at the handsome, brooding face in fear. Another passionate one out of Tevershall! The touch of him! For the bonds of love are ill to loose! “是的,夫人,触碰到他的感觉!直到今天,我都无法从创伤中痊愈,恐怕永远做不到这点了。如果天堂真的存在,他会在那里等着我,他就可以再次紧挨着我躺着,让我能够安然入眠。”康妮瞥向那张愁绪笼罩的俊脸,心生畏惧。又是特弗沙尔缔造的一位性情中人!触碰到他的感觉!爱的纠葛总难解! "It's terrible, once you've got a man into your blood!" she said. "Oh, my Lady! And that's what makes you feel so bitter. You feel folks WANTED him killed. You feel the pit fair WANTED to kill him. Oh, I felt, if it hadn't been for the pit, an'them as runs the pit, there'd have been no leaving me. But they all want to separate a woman and a man, if they're together.” "If they're physically together," said Connie. “深爱着某个男人,会让你牵肠挂肚!”她说。“噢,夫人!这正是我痛苦不堪的原因。你会觉得人们想让他死掉。你会觉得矿场是罪魁祸首。唉,我总在想,要是煤矿从未存在,人们从未有过开矿的想法,他就不会离我而去。但只要男女真心相爱,他们就会想方设法将之拆散。”“如果他俩依恋彼此的肉体。”康妮说。 "That's right, my Lady! There's a lot of hard-hearted folks in the world. And every morning when he got up and went to th'pit, I felt it was wrong, wrong. But what else could he do? What can a man do?” A queer hate flared in the woman. “没错,夫人!世间有太多铁石心肠的家伙。每天清晨,当他起床赶往煤矿,我总会有不详的预感。可除了矿工,他还能做什么呢?男人还能做什么呢?”这个女人心中燃起莫名的仇恨。 "But can a touch last so long?" Connie asked suddenly. "That you could feel him so long?" "Oh my Lady, what else is there to last? Children grows away from you. But the man, well! But even that they'd like to kill in you, the very thought of the touch of him. Even your own children! Ah well! We might have drifted apart, who knows. But the feeling's something different. It's 'appen better never to care. But there, when I look at women who's never really been warmed through by a man, well, they seem to me poor doolowls after all, no matter how they may dress up and gad. No, I'll abide by my own. I've not much respect for people.” “但触感能够存留那么久么?”康妮没来由地问。“过了这么久,你还能感觉到他吗?”“噢,夫人,除此之外,还有什么能够长久存留呢?孩子们长大成人便会离你而去。但是男人,喔!然而,就连对他触摸的记忆,他们都想扼杀。甚至你自己的孩子也是如此无情!啊!如果他还活着,或许我们也会疏远彼此,谁晓得呢。但情感终归与众不同。或许最好不要爱上任何人。不过,每当我看到那些从来没有被男人真正温暖过的女子,在我看来,她们只是没人疼爱的可怜虫,无论她们打扮得多么光鲜,多么会寻欢作乐。没错,我会始终坚守自己的信念。我还真看不太起芸芸众生呢。” 第十二章 Connie went to the wood directly after lunch. It was really a lovely day, the first dandelions making suns, the first daisies so white. The hazel thicket was a lace-work, of half-open leaves, and the last dusty perpendicular of the catkins. Yellow celandines now were in crowds, flat open, pressed back in urgency, and the yellow glitter of themselves. It was the yellow, the powerful yellow of early summer. And primroses were broad, and full of pale abandon, thick-clustered primroses no longer shy. The lush, dark green of hyacinths was a sea, with buds rising like pale corn, while in the riding the forget-me-nots were fluffing up, and columbines were unfolding their ink-purple ruches, and there were bits of blue bird's eggshell under a bush. Everywhere the bud-knots and the leap of life! 用罢午饭,康妮即刻赶往树林。风和日丽,初放的蒲公英花如阳光般明艳,乍开的雏菊洁白如玉。榛树那半开半合的叶片上,垂着浅灰色的柔荑花,好似蕾丝缎带。黄色的燕子草汇聚成簇,漫山遍野,争先恐后,闪耀着黄光。这黄色展现出初夏的勃勃生机。樱草花比比皆是,激情四溢,不见半点羞赧。葱郁墨绿的风信子宛若海洋,成串的蓓蕾如同浅色的玉米棒。马道上,勿忘我随处可见,耧斗菜展开深紫色的褶带,灌木丛下,偶尔可见知更鸟的蛋壳。到处是成簇的蓓蕾,到处是跃然的生机! The keeper was not at the hut. Everything was serene, brown chickens running lustily. Connie walked on towards the cottage, because she wanted to find him. 守林人没在小屋。四周寂静无声,褐色的小鸡欢快地奔跑着。康妮继续向农舍进发,因为她要找到他。 The cottage stood in the sun, off the wood's edge. In the little garden the double daffodils rose in tufts, near the wide-open door, and red double daisies made a border to the path. There was the bark of a dog, and Flossie came running. 农舍位于树林的边缘,沐浴在午后的阳光里。小巧玲珑的花园中,多瓣水仙簇生着,靠近敞开着的园门,艳红的重瓣雏菊排列在小径两厢。犬吠声传入耳朵,弗洛西跑上前来。 The wide-open door! So he was at home. And the sunlight falling on the red-brick floor! As she went up the path, she saw him through the window, sitting at the table in his shirt-sleeves, eating. The dog wuffed softly, slowly wagging her tail. 门敞开着!意味着他在家。阳光洒落在红砖铺就的地面上。当她踏上小径,透过窗户,看到他身着衬衣,正坐在桌旁吃饭。猎犬低声轻吠,缓缓摇动着尾巴。 He rose, and came to the door, wiping his mouth with a red handkerchief still chewing. 他站起身,走到门口,用条红手帕擦着嘴,仍在咀嚼着。 "May I come in?" she said. “我可以进来吗?”她问。 "Come in!" The sun shone into the bare room, which still smelled of a mutton chop, done in a dutch oven before the fire, because the dutch oven still stood on the fender, with the black potato-saucepan on a piece of paper, beside it on the white hearth. The fire was red, rather low, the bar dropped, the kettle singing. “请进!”阳光射进这间几无陈设的农舍,羊排的香味仍未消散,炖肉铁锅还搁在火炉围栏上,黑色的土豆炖锅下面垫着张纸,放在白色的壁炉旁。炉火通红,但并不太旺,炉门合着,水壶吱吱吟唱着。 On the table was his plate, with potatoes and the remains of the chop; also bread in a basket, salt, and a blue mug with beer. The table-cloth was white oil-cloth, he stood in the shade. 桌上摆着餐盘,里面盛着土豆和吃剩的羊排,篮子里有面包、盐巴以及一个盛着啤酒的蓝色杯子。桌上铺着白色漆布,他站的位置太阳照不到。 "You are very late," she said. "Do go on eating!" She sat down on a wooden chair, in the sunlight by the door. “午饭吃得挺晚,”她说,“接着吃吧!”她在门边的木椅上坐下,享受着和煦的阳光。 "I had to go to Uthwaite," he said, sitting down at the table but not eating. “我去了趟乌斯维特。”他说着,在桌边坐下,但并没有继续用餐。 "Do eat," she said. But he did not touch the food. “吃呀。”她催促道。但他并没有碰食物。 "Shall y'ave something?” he asked her. "Shall y'ave a cup of tea? T'kettle's on t'boil’—he half rose again from his chair. “你来点啥?”他问。“来杯茶?壶里的水开了。”——他欠身离座。 "If you'll let me make it myself," she said, rising. He seemed sad, and she felt she was bothering him. “还是我自己来吧。”她说着,站起身来。他似乎有些伤感,她感觉自己是他烦恼的根源。 "Well, tea-pot's in there’—he pointed to a little, drab corner cupboard; 'an'cups. An'tea's on t'mantel ower yer 'ead,” She got the black tea-pot, and the tin of tea from the mantel-shelf. She rinsed the tea-pot with hot water, and stood a moment wondering where to empty it. “哦,茶壶在那边”——他指着墙角土褐色的碗碟柜,“还有茶杯。茶叶在你头顶的炉架上。”她拿过黑色茶壶,从炉架上取下茶叶罐。她将热水注入茶壶,之后呆立半晌,不知道把水倒去哪里。 "Throw it out," he said, aware of her. "It's clean.” She went to the door and threw the drop of water down the path. How lovely it was here, so still, so really woodland. The oaks were putting out ochre yellow leaves: in the garden the red daisies were like red plush buttons. She glanced at the big, hollow sandstone slab of the threshold, now crossed by so few feet. “倒去外面。”他说,显然是察觉到她的不知所措。“水很干净。”她走到门口,将水倾洒在路面上。这里多么美妙啊,如此静谧,名副其实的林地。橡树发出赭黄色的嫩叶,园中鲜红的雏菊像是长毛绒钮扣。那块硕大凹陷的砂岩门槛映入眼帘,如今已很少有人从上跨越。 "But it's lovely here," she said. "Such a beautiful stillness, everything alive and still." He was eating again, rather slowly and unwillingly, and she could feel he was discouraged. She made the tea in silence, and set the tea-pot on the hob, as she knew the people did. He pushed his plate aside and went to the back place; she heard a latch click, then he came back with cheese on a plate, and butter. “这里真美。”她赞叹道。“宁静得让人心醉,一切都鲜活而寂静。”他继续吃起午餐来,咀嚼和吞咽都相当缓慢,显得极不情愿,她感觉得到他有些沮丧。她默默沏着茶,接着把茶壶放回到炉架上,她知道这里的百姓都这样做。他把餐盘推开,走向屋后,她听到门闩开启的声音,过了一会,他端着一盘奶酪和黄油回来了。 She set the two cups on the table; there were only two. "Will you have a cup of tea?" she said. 她把两只茶杯摆在桌上,那是仅有的两只茶杯。“想来杯茶吗?”她问。 "If you like. Sugar's in th'cupboard, an'there's a little cream jug. Milk's in a jug in th'pantry.” "Shall I take your plate away?" she asked him. He looked up at her with a faint ironical smile. “如果您乐意的话。糖搁在橱柜里,还有一小罐奶油。牛奶在食品间的罐子里。”“让我来收拾你的餐盘吧?”她问。他抬头看着她,嘴角微微露出嘲讽的微笑。 "Why...if you like," he said, slowly eating bread and cheese. She went to the back, into the pent-house scullery, where the pump was. On the left was a door, no doubt the pantry door. She unlatched it, and almost smiled at the place he called a pantry; a long narrow white-washed slip of a cupboard. But it managed to contain a little barrel of beer, as well as a few dishes and bits of food. She took a little milk from the yellow jug. “哦……如果您愿意的话。”他说,慢条斯理地嚼着面包和奶酪。她走到屋后侧间的洗碗池边,那里安着水龙头。左手边有扇门,无疑就是食品间。她拔掉门闩进去,看到他所谓的食品间,几乎笑出声来,那只不过是条狭长的白漆壁橱。但里面还是塞着一小桶啤酒,几只餐盘,还有零零散散的食物。她从黄色的罐子里取出些牛奶。 "How do you get your milk?" She asked him, when she came back to the table. “你怎么弄到牛奶的?”她回到餐桌旁时问。 "Flints! They leave me a bottle at the warren end. You know, where I met you!" But he was discouraged. She poured out the tea, poising the cream-jug. “从弗林特家!他们会在牧场尽头给我留一瓶。你知道的,就是上次咱俩碰面的地方!”但他的表情依然沮丧。她斟好茶,拿起奶油罐。 "No milk," he said; then he seemed to hear a noise, and looked keenly through the doorway. “我不要牛奶。”他说。似乎听到什么动静,警觉地向门外张望。 " 'Appen we'd better shut," he said. “咱还是关上门为妙。”他说。 "It seems a pity," she replied. "Nobody will come, will they?" "Not unless it's one time in a thousand, but you never know.” "And even then it's no matter," she said. "It's only a cup of tea.” "Where are the spoons?" He reached over, and pulled open the table drawer. Connie sat at the table in the sunshine of the doorway. “真可惜。”她应道。“没人会来这儿,不是吗?”“万里有一,谁晓得呢。”“有人来也没什么要紧的。”她说。“我们不过在喝茶而已。”“勺子放在哪儿?”他探身拉开餐桌的抽屉。康妮坐在桌旁,沐浴着门口射进来的阳光。 "Flossie!" He said to the dog, who was lying on a little mat at the stair foot. "Go an'hark, hark! He lifted his finger, and his "hark!" was very vivid. The dog trotted out to reconnoitre. “弗洛西!”他召唤着猎犬,那畜生正趴在楼梯下面的小毡垫上。“去扫听一下!”他竖起一根手指,说“扫听”这个词的时候显得声情并茂。猎犬跑出去巡风放哨了。 "Are you sad today?" She asked him. He turned his blue eyes quickly, and gazed direct on her. “你今天不开心吗?”她问他。他淡蓝色的眼睛迅速转回来,直直地盯着她。 "Sad! No, bored! I had to go getting summonses for two poachers I caught, and, oh well, I don't like people.” He spoke cold, good English, and there was anger in his voice. "Do you hate being a game-keeper?" she asked. “不开心!不,是有点烦!我抓到两名偷猎者,只得去给他们讨传票,唉,我讨厌和人打交道。”他说着地道的英语,语气冷淡,又夹杂着愤怒。“你不愿做守林人吗?”她问。 "Being a game-keeper, no! So long as I'm left alone. But when I have to go messing around at the police-station, and various other places, and waiting for a lot of fools to attend to me...oh well, I get mad..." and he smiled, with a certain faint humour. “守林人?我愿意做。前提是能让我一个人呆着。可让我去警察局或者别的什么地方,浪费宝贵的时间,等着那些蠢货来接待我……噢,我简直快要发疯……”他露出微笑,带着些调侃的意味。 "Couldn't you be really independent?" she asked. “难道你不能真的独自过活吗?”她问。 "Me? I suppose I could, if you mean manage to exist on my pension. I could! But I've got to work, or I should die. That is, I've got to have something that keeps me occupied. And I'm not in a good enough temper to work for myself. It's got to be a sort of job for somebody else, or I should throw it up in a month, out of bad temper. So altogether I'm very well off here, especially lately...” He laughed at her again, with mocking humour. “我?如果你是指依靠抚恤金度日,我想我能做到。我当然能!可我必须有事可做,不然会闷死。也就是说,我需要做点什么,来打发时间。我脾气太糟,不适合为自己工作。只能被别人雇佣,不然,不出一个月,我的坏脾气发作起来,准会立马甩手不干。总而言之,我在这儿过得挺好,尤其是最近……”他又朝她笑起来,半是嘲讽,半是诙谐。 "But why are you in a bad temper?" she asked. "Do you mean you are ALWAYS in a bad temper?" "Pretty well," he said, laughing. "I don't quite digest my bile.” "But what bile?" she said. “可你的脾气为何这么糟呀?”她问。“你是说这坏脾气从没改过吗?”“差不多吧。”他笑着说。“我的胆汁分泌过剩。”“什么胆汁?”她问。 "Bile!" he said. “胆汁!”他说。 "Don't you know what that is?” She was silent, and disappointed. He was taking no notice of her. “难不成你不晓得是什么?”她沉默不语,神情失落。他并未注意到这一点。 "I'm going away for a while next month," she said. “我下个月要远行。”她说。 "You are! Where to?" "Venice! With Sir Clifford? For how long?" "For a month or so," she replied. "Clifford won't go.” "He'll stay here?" he asked. “远行!去哪里?”“威尼斯!和克利福德爵士一起?呆多久?”“大概一个月左右。”她答道。“克利福德不去。”“他留在拉格比?”他问。 "Yes! He hates to travel as he is." "Ay, poor devil!" he said, with sympathy. “是的!他行动不便,不愿出外旅行。”“是呀,可怜的家伙!”他同情地说。 There was a pause. 两人沉默片刻。 "You won't forget me when I'm gone, will you?" she asked. “我离开的时候,你不会忘记我吧?”她问。 Again he lifted his eyes and looked full at her. 他又抬起眼睛,全神贯注地凝望着她。 "Forget?" he said. “忘记?”他说。 "You know nobody forgets. It's not a question of memory;” She wanted to say: "When then?" but she didn't. Instead, she said in a mute kind of voice: "I told Clifford I might have a child." Now he really looked at her, intense and searching. “要知道,没有人会忘记。这与记忆力无关。”她想问:“那与什么有关?”但话到嘴边又咽下。而是压低声音说:“我跟克利福德说,我或许会身怀六甲。”此刻,他的注意力都集中在她身上,眼神炽热而又充满疑问。 "You did?" He said at last. "And what did he say?" "Oh, he wouldn't mind. He'd be glad, really, so long as it seemed to be his." she dared not look up at him. “你这么说的?”他终于说道。“他怎样回应?”“噢,他并不介怀。只要孩子名义上属于他,他就会感到很开心。”她不敢直视他的眼睛。 He was silent a long time, then he gazed again on her face. 他沉默良久,目光再度落在她的脸庞。 "No mention of ME, of course?" “你自然不会提到我,对吗?” "No. No mention of you," she said. “没有。我没提到你。”她说。 "No, he'd hardly swallow me as a substitute breeder. Then where are you supposed to be getting the child?” "I might have a love-affair in Venice," she said. “不行,若我是孩子的生父,他恐怕很难接受。那么,你打算在何处怀上孩子呢?”“我可以去威尼斯找个情人。”她说。 "You might," he replied slowly. "So that's why you're going?” "Not to have the love-affair," she said, looking up at him, pleading. “当然可以。”他缓缓应道。“这才是你去哪儿的原因?”“并非如此。”她抬头望着他,为自己辩解道。 "Just the appearance of one," he said. “只是做做样子。”他说。 There was silence. He sat staring out the window, with a faint grin, half mockery, half bitterness, on his face. She hated his grin. 沉默再度降临。他望向窗外,微微咧嘴笑着,半是讽刺,半是苦涩。她讨厌他咧嘴的笑容。 "You've not taken any precautions against having a child then?” He asked her suddenly. "Because I haven't.” "No," she said faintly. "I should hate that." He looked at her, then again with the peculiar subtle grin out of the window. There was a tense silence. “你没采取任何措施,以免怀孕吗?”他冷不防地提出疑问。“因为我没采取过措施。”“没有。”她低声说。“我讨厌那样做。”他盯着她,然后嘴角又露出那淡淡的苦笑,目光移向窗外。沉默的空气变得异常紧张。 At last he turned his head and said satirically: "That was why you wanted me, then, to get a child?" She hung her head. 最终,他转过头,带着挖苦的口吻说:“这样说来,你找我的目的,只是为了怀上孩子?”她低下头。 "No. Not really," she said. "What then, REALLY?" He asked rather bitingly. “不。并不是你想的那样。”她说。“那么是哪样?”他问她的语调变得尖锐起来。 She looked up at him reproachfully, saying: "I don't know.” He broke into a laugh. 她抬眼望着他,目光中写满埋怨,说:“我不知道。”他大笑起来。 "Then I'm damned if I do," he said. “要是我知道,那倒真是奇怪。”他说。 There was a long pause of silence, a cold silence. 又是长久的沉默,冷战的气氛渐浓。 "Well," he said at last. "It's as your Ladyship likes. If you get the baby, Sir Clifford's welcome to it. I shan't have lost anything. On the contrary, I've had a very nice experience, very nice indeed!”—and he stretched in a half-suppressed sort of yawn. “唉,”末了,他叹道。“悉听夫人尊便。要是您怀上孩子,那就给克利福德爵士吧。我不会有任何损失。相反,我还能够体验到美妙绝伦的性爱,畅快淋漓!”——他伸个懒腰,压抑着不让自己打哈欠。 "If you've made use of me," he said, "it's not the first time I've been made use of; and I don't suppose it's ever been as pleasant as this time; though of course one can't feel tremendously dignified about it.” He stretched again, curiously, his muscles quivering, and his jaw oddly set. “如果你只把我当成利用的对象,”他说,“那这也并非我首次扮演这样的角色,而且能够如此满足的被利用,倒也是件快事,虽然这种做法算不得光明磊落。”他又伸个懒腰,姿势怪异,他的肌肉战栗着,牙关奇怪地紧咬着。 "But I didn't make use of you," she said, pleading. “可是,我并没有利用你。”她解释着。 "At your Ladyship's service," he replied. “愿意为夫人您效犬马之劳。”他应道。 "No," she said. "I liked your body." “并非你想的那样。”她说。“我喜欢你的肉体。” "Did you?" he replied, and he laughed. “此话当真?”他笑着答道。 "Well, then, we're quits, because I liked yours.” He looked at her with queer darkened eyes. “那么,好吧,咱俩两清了,因为我也喜欢你的。”他盯着她,双眸变得诡异而阴暗。 "Would you like to go upstairs now?" He asked her, in a strangled sort of voice. “咱俩现在就上楼安寝怎样?”他的语调让她快要窒息。 "No, not here. Not now!" She said heavily, though if he had used any power over her, she would have gone, for she had no strength against him. “不,这儿不行。现在不可以!”她语气沉重地说,但如果他稍加坚持,她也只能屈从,因为根本无力反抗。 He turned his face away again, and seemed to forget her. "I want to touch you like you touch me," she said. "I've never really touched your body.” He looked at her, and smiled again. "Now?" he said. 他又背过脸去,似乎决意将她遗忘。“我想触摸你,就像你触摸我一样。”她说。“我从未真正触摸过你的身躯。”他瞧着她,再次露出笑容。“现在?”他问。 "No! No! Not here! At the hut. Would you mind?" "How do I touch you?" he asked. “不!不!别在这儿!到小屋去。你不介意吧?”“我是怎样触摸你的?”他问。 "When you feel me." He looked at her, and met her heavy, anxious eyes. “你总会爱抚我的身体。”他盯着她,发现她的目光里充满沉甸甸的渴望。 "And do you like it when I feel you?" He asked, laughing at her still. “你喜欢我爱抚你吗?”他问,语气中依然充满嘲弄。 "Yes, do you?" she said. “当然,你呢?”她问。 "Oh, me!" Then he changed his tone. "Yes," he said. "You know without asking." Which was true. “噢,我!”他语调一转。“没错。”他说。“你是明知故问。”这倒是他的心里话。 She rose and picked up her hat. "I must go," she said. 她站起身来,拿过帽子。“我得走了。”她说。 "Will you go?" he replied politely. “您要回府?”他彬彬有礼地问道。 She wanted him to touch her, to say something to her, but he said nothing, only waited politely. 她渴望得到他的抚摸,渴望他对自己倾诉心声,但他什么都没说,只是毕恭毕敬地等在一旁。 "Thank you for the tea," she said. “谢谢你的茶。”她说。 "I haven't thanked your Ladyship for doing me the honours of my tea-pot," he said. “我还没向夫人致谢呢,劳您大驾为我沏茶,实在倍感荣幸。”他说。 She went down the path, and he stood in the doorway, faintly grinning. Flossie came running with her tail lifted. And Connie had to plod dumbly across into the wood, knowing he was standing there watching her, with that incomprehensible grin on his face. 她沿小路返回,他则站在门口,微露出苦笑。弗洛西跑上前来,尾巴高高翘着。康妮默默无语地踱进树林,脚步缓慢而沉重,心里清楚他正站在那儿望着自己,脸上挂着莫可名状的笑意。 She walked home very much downcast and annoyed. She didn't at all like his saying he had been made use of because, in a sense, it was true. But he oughtn't to have said it. Therefore, again, she was divided between two feelings: resentment against him, and a desire to make it up with him. 她回到家,情绪低落,烦乱不堪。他说自己惨遭利用,让她深感不悦,但从某种意义来讲,这确是事实。但他不应该明言。于是,她再度因两种对立的情绪而感到左右为难,既对他满怀埋怨,又盼着跟他重归于好。 She passed a very uneasy and irritated tea-time, and at once went up to her room. But when she was there it was no good; she could neither sit nor stand. She would have to do something about it. She would have to go back to the hut; if he was not there, well and good. 整个下午,她始终心绪不宁,坐立不安,用罢下午茶,立刻上楼回到自己房间。但这毫无用处,她依然感觉坐也不是,站也不是。她必须做点什么。她必须重回小屋,要是他没在,就再好不过。 She slipped out of the side door, and took her way direct and a little sullen. When she came to the clearing she was terribly uneasy. But there he was again, in his shirt-sleeves, stooping, letting the hens out of the coops, among the chicks that were now growing a little gawky, but were much more trim than hen-chickens. 她从侧门溜了出来,直奔目的地而去,仍有些闷闷不乐。来到那片林中空地,她的心绪愈加烦乱。他偏偏又在那里,身穿衬衣,弓着身子放母鸡出笼。在他四周撒欢的小鸡们,动作已经不若以往灵活,但与母鸡相比,仍要苗条的多。 She went straight across to him. "You see I've come!" she said. 她径直向他走去。“你看到我来了!”她说。 "Ay, I see it!" He said, straightening his back, and looking at her with a faint amusement. “是呀,我看到了。”他说着,挺直腰板,嬉皮笑脸地看着她。 "Do you let the hens out now?" she asked. “你现在放母鸡出笼了吗?” "Yes, they've sat themselves to skin and bone," he said. "An'now they're not all that anxious to come out an'feed. There's no self in a sitting hen; she's all in the eggs or the chicks.” The poor mother-hens; such blind devotion! Even to eggs not their own! Connie looked at them in compassion. A helpless silence fell between the man and the woman. “是啊,它们整天窝在笼里,已经瘦得皮包骨头。”他说,“对出来吃食也失去兴趣。孵蛋期间,母鸡完全失去自我,全身心投入到繁衍后代的任务中去。”这些可怜的鸡妈妈,如此不求回报地付出着!甚至不介意所孵的蛋并非属于自己。康妮望着这些伟大的母亲,心生怜悯。这对男女再次被无助的沉默所笼罩。 "Shall us go i'th'ut?" he asked. “咱俩进屋去?”他问。 "Do you want me?" She asked, in a sort of mistrust. “你愿意接纳我吗?”她问,心怀疑虑。 "Ay, if you want to come." She was silent. “是呀,如果你乐意的话。”她不再作声。 "Come then!" he said. “来吧!”他说。 And she went with him to the hut. It was quite dark when he had shut the door, so he made a small light in the lantern, as before. 接着,她随他走进小屋。他把门掩上,屋里一团漆黑,于是,他如往常那般,将油灯点亮。 "Have you left your underthings off?" he asked her. “你没穿内衣吧?”他问。 "Yes!" "Ay, well, then I'll take my things off too.” He spread the blankets, putting one at the side for a coverlet. She took off her hat, and shook her hair. He sat down, taking off his shoes and gaiters, and undoing his cord breeches. “嗯!”“哦,那好,我也把衣服脱掉。”他伸开毛毯,放一条在旁边,准备用来蔽体。她摘掉帽子,轻摇发丝。他坐下来,褪掉鞋子和绑腿,脱下灯芯绒马裤。 "Lie down then!" he said, when he stood in his shirt. “躺下吧!”他说,仍穿着衬衣站在那里。 She obeyed in silence, and he lay beside her, and pulled the blanket over them both. 她沉默不语,只是照他的意思做,然后,他在她身旁躺下,扯过毛毯盖在两人身上。 "There!" he said. “我来了!”他说。 And he lifted her dress right back, till he came even to her breasts. He kissed them softly, taking the nipples in his lips in tiny caresses. 他一下将她的衣裙掀了起来,一直掀到胸口。他温柔地亲吻着她的双峰,用嘴唇衔住乳头,轻轻地吸吮着。 "Eh, but tha'rt nice, tha'rt nice!” He said, suddenly rubbing his face with a snuggling movement against her warm belly. “哇哦,恁太妙了,恁太棒了!”他说着,突然把脸贴上她温热的小腹,来回磨蹭着。 And she put her arms round him under his shirt, but she was afraid, afraid of his thin, smooth, naked body, that seemed so powerful, afraid of the violent muscles. She shrank, afraid. 她将双臂探进他的衬衫,环绕着他的身体,依然心怀畏惧,害怕他那瘦削光滑、充满力量的裸体,害怕他那强健有力的肌肉。她又惊又怕,不断退缩着。 And when he said, with a sort of little sigh: "eh, tha'rt nice!" something in her quivered, and something in her spirit stiffened in resistance: stiffened from the terribly physical intimacy, and from the peculiar haste of his possession. 他轻叹着:“啊,它们真不错!”他这样赞美她娇躯的美妙,这时,她身体的某些部分迎合起来,而心底的某些角落却拼命顽抗着,抗拒性爱的暴风骤雨,抗拒他迫不及待的占有。 And this time the sharp ecstasy of her own passion did not overcome her; she lay with her ends inert on his striving body, and do what she might, her spirit seemed to look on from the top of her head, and the butting of his haunches seemed ridiculous to her, and the sort of anxiety of his penis to come to its little evacuating crisis seemed farcical. Yes, this was love, this ridiculous bouncing of the buttocks, and the wilting of the poor, insignificant, moist little penis. This was the divine love! After all, the moderns were right when they felt contempt for the performance; for it was a performance. It was quite true, as some poets said, that the God who created man must have had a sinister sense of humour, creating him a reasonable being, yet forcing him to take this ridiculous posture, and driving him with blind craving for this ridiculous performance. Even a Maupassant found it a humiliating anti-climax. Men despised the intercourse act, and yet did it. 这次,蚀骨销魂的爱欲并未将她征服。她躺在那里,双手软塌塌地搭在他奋力挺动的身体上。即使尽量迎合,她清醒的思维似乎仍扮演着旁观者的角色。他臀部的耸动依然滑稽至极,而他的阳物为求得片刻的欢愉,急功近利地挺进,更是无聊透顶。没错,这就是爱情,屁股来回的耸动荒唐可笑,那根可有可无的阴茎萎缩时总是湿嗒嗒的,煞是可怜。这就是神圣的爱情!归根到底,现代人对这种行为的鄙视无可厚非,因为它只不过是种性爱的举动而已。诗人们说得有理,缔造人类的上帝想必怀有恶意的幽默感,将人类塑造成理智的存在,但却让他们在交媾时摆出这种可笑的姿势,使他们对这种滑稽的勾当孜孜以求。甚至连莫泊桑(注:1850-1893,法国小说家)都觉得爱情有虎头蛇尾之嫌,实是丢人现眼的举动。人们对性行为深感不齿,但又乐此不疲。 Cold and derisive her queer female mind stood apart, and though she lay perfectly still, her impulse was to heave her loins, and throw the man out, escape his ugly grip, and the butting over-riding of his absurd haunches. His body was a foolish, impudent, imperfect thing, a little disgusting in its unfinished clumsiness. For surely a complete evolution would eliminate this performance, this 'function'. 她那颗神秘莫测的女人心冷眼旁观,抱着嘲弄的态度。虽然她躺在那里,没有哪怕一丁点反应,心里却恨不得挺起腰肢,将这个臭男人抛出去,逃离他讨厌的怀抱,挣脱其臀部荒唐的撞击。他的肉体本就难言完美,笨拙且不知廉耻,那种残缺不全的丑陋令她感到有些恶心。彻底的进化必然会将此类勾当彻底剔除,将这种功能完全淘汰。 And yet when he had finished, soon over, and lay very very still, receding into silence, and a strange motionless distance, far, farther than the horizon of her awareness, her heart began to weep. She could feel him ebbing away, ebbing away, leaving her there like a stone on a shore. He was withdrawing, his spirit was leaving her. He knew. 他草草收场,趴在她的身上动弹不得,完全陷入沉默之中。两人彼此疏离,虽然近在眼前,但却好似远在天边,超越她的意识所能感知的疆域。她那颗敏感的心已经开始垂泪。她能感觉到他的热情如潮汐般退去,消逝,只剩她独自一人,好像海岸上孤寂的礁石。他正在退却,他的心已经渐渐远离。他自己也清楚这一点。 And in real grief, tormented by her own double consciousness and reaction, she began to weep. He took no notice, or did not even know. The storm of weeping swelled and shook her, and shook him. 被自己的双重意识和反应折磨得痛苦不堪,她开始抽泣起来。他视而不见,甚至根本没有发觉。哭泣的暴风雨愈演愈烈,摇撼着她,也震颤着他。 "Ay!" he said. “是呀!”他感叹着。 "It was no good that time. You wasn't there.” So he knew! Her sobs became violent. “这回不爽。你还没到高潮呢。”原来他根本心知肚明!她哭得更厉害了。 "But what's amiss?" he said. “出了什么问题?”他问。 "It's once in a while that way.” "I...I can't love you," she sobbed, suddenly feeling her heart breaking. “有时候的确会这样。”“我……我没法爱上你。”她呜咽着,感觉自己的心仿佛瞬间碎裂。 "Canna ter? Well, dunna fret! There's no law says as tha's got to. Ta'e it for what it is.” He still lay with his hand on her breast. But she had drawn both her hands from him. “是吗?唉,那就甭爱了!何必这样呢。顺其自然就好。”他仍旧躺在那里,手也没有离开她的乳房。可她早已将搂着他的双手抽回。 His words were small comfort. She sobbed aloud. 他的话并未带来多少慰藉。她嚎啕大哭。 "Nay, nay!" He said. "Ta'e the thick wi'th'thin. This wor a bit o'thin for once.” She wept bitterly, sobbing. "But I want to love you, and I can't. It only seems horrid.” He laughed a little, half bitter, half amused. “别价,别价!”他说。“人生在世,就要遍尝酸甜苦辣。这次不过有点苦而已。”她伤心垂泪,呜咽声声。“可我很想爱你,却就是做不到。这简直太糟糕了。”他微笑着,既感到心酸,又觉得好玩。 "It isna horrid," he said, "even if tha thinks it is. An'tha canna ma'e it horrid. Dunna fret thysen about lovin'me. Tha'lt niver force thysen to 't. There's sure to be a bad nut in a basketful. Tha mun ta'e th'rough wi'th'smooth.” He took his hand away from her breast, not touching her. And now she was untouched she took an almost perverse satisfaction in it. She hated the dialect: the RHEE and the THA and the THYSEN. He could get up if he liked, and stand there, above her, buttoning down those absurd corduroy breeches, straight in front of her. After all, Michaelis had had the decency to turn away. This man was so assured in himself he didn't know what a clown other people found him, a half-bred fellow. “没啥糟糕的,”他说,“就算恁这么寻思。也算不上糟糕。爱不爱俺都无所谓。千万别勉强自己。一篮坚果,有个把坏的再正常不过。无论好坏,咱都得接受。”他把手从她的乳房上移开,不再爱抚她。抚摸停止后,她反倒体验到某种异样的满足感。她反感他说土话,什么“俺”、“恁”、“咱”的。只要他乐意,就会大咧咧地站在她身旁,穿那条丑陋的绒裤,毫无回避的想法。就算是米凯利斯,也还懂些廉耻,知道要背过身去。这家伙却自信满满,全然不知别人会认为他粗陋鲁莽,没有教养。 Yet, as he was drawing away, to rise silently and leave her, she clung to him in terror. 然而,当他无语抽身站起,要离她而去,她却心生骇惧,紧紧抱住他不放。 "Don't! Don't go! Don't leave me! Don't be cross with me! Hold me! Hold me fast!” She whispered in blind frenzy, not even knowing what she said, and clinging to him with uncanny force. It was from herself she wanted to be saved, from her own inward anger and resistance. Yet how powerful was that inward resistance that possessed her! “不要!不要走!不要离开我!别生我的气!抱着我!紧紧抱着我!她近似疯狂,胡言乱语,甚至不清楚自己在絮叨些什么,只是死命拥着他,不知从哪儿来的那么大力气。她期待能被救出苦海,摆脱内心的愤怒和阻抗。但内心的挣扎过于强大,牢牢抓住她不放! He took her in his arms again and drew her to him, and suddenly she became small in his arms, small and nestling. It was gone, the resistance was gone, and she began to melt in a marvellous peace. And as she melted small and wonderful in his arms, she became infinitely desirable to him, all his blood-vessels seemed to scald with intense yet tender desire, for her, for her softness, for the penetrating beauty of her in his arms, passing into his blood. And softly, with that marvellous swoon-like caress of his hand in pure soft desire, softly he stroked the silky slope of her loins, down, down between her soft warm buttocks, coming nearer and nearer to the very quick of her. And she felt him like a flame of desire, yet tender, and she felt herself melting in the flame. She let herself go. She felt his penis risen against her with silent amazing force and assertion and she let herself go to him She yielded with a quiver that was like death, she went all open to him. And oh, if he were not tender to her now, how cruel, for she was all open to him and helpless! 他再度将她搂进怀中,霎时间,她在他的臂弯里显得那样小鸟依人,楚楚可怜。一切都烟消云散,抵触的情绪失去踪影,她慢慢融化在不可思议的宁静中。怀抱着这个娇小玲珑、美艳动人的女子,他的欲求也变得一发不可收拾,所有的血管里都沸腾着某种炽热、但却不失温柔的渴望,而激起这种欲望的正是她,正是怀中这个柔若无骨的女子,因为她那极具穿透力的美感已经渗进他的血液。带着赤裸裸的深情渴望,他的手再度施展出令人神魂颠倒的爱抚,温柔地摩挲着她如丝般光滑的腰肢,向下延伸,探进她柔软温热的双股间,一点点逼近,直至她身体最为敏感的所在。她感觉他像团温柔的欲火,而自己正熔化在这火焰之中。她将自己的情绪完全释放出来。她感觉他的阴茎朝自己坚挺着,带着某种无声无息但却令人惊异的力量和果敢,她放任自己去迎合他,全身战栗着俯首称臣,如同迎候死神,全部身心都向他敞开。噢,如果他此刻不怜香惜玉些,那实在太过残忍,因为她已经卸去所有防卫,迫不及待地等着他的宠幸。 She quivered again at the potent inexorable entry inside her, so strange and terrible. It might come with the thrust of a sword in her softly-opened body, and that would be death. She clung in a sudden anguish of terror. But it came with a strange slow thrust of peace, the dark thrust of peace and a ponderous, primordial tenderness, such as made the world in the beginning. And her terror subsided in her breast, her breast dared to be gone in peace, she held nothing. She dared to let go everything, all herself and be gone in the flood. 想到他那强悍有力、不容抗拒的插入,想到那种奇异而可怕的感觉,她不禁再度颤抖起来。它或许就像柄锋利的长剑,刺进她柔软舒展的娇躯,让她当场毙命。突然袭来的恐惧折磨着她,她只能紧紧搂住他的身躯。可这次的插入异常轻柔和缓,深沉平静,那种混沌原始的温柔,仿佛来自开天辟地的太古时期。她胸中的恐惧完全退去,敢于从容不迫地释放自己,毫无保留。她放胆奔驰,恣意驰骋,全身心地投入情欲的浪潮里。 And it seemed she was like the sea, nothing but dark waves rising and heaving, heaving with a great swell, so that slowly her whole darkness was in motion, and she was Ocean rolling its dark, dumb mass. Oh, and far down inside her the deeps parted and rolled asunder, in long, fair-travelling billows, and ever, at the quick of her, the depths parted and rolled asunder, from the centre of soft plunging, as the plunger went deeper and deeper, touching lower, and she was deeper and deeper and deeper disclosed, the heavier the billows of her rolled away to some shore, uncovering her, and closer and closer plunged the palpable unknown, and further and further rolled the waves of herself away from herself leaving her, till suddenly, in a soft, shuddering convulsion, the quick of all her plasm was touched, she knew herself touched, the consummation was upon her, and she was gone. She was gone, she was not, and she was born: a woman. 她似乎就是无边无际的海洋,只有幽暗的波涛奔涌着,升腾着,汇聚成铺天盖地的巨浪,慢慢地,她整个身躯都挺动起来,俨然是汹涌澎湃、深不见底的汪洋。啊,在她肉体的深处,海水兵分两路,左冲右突,长驱直入,此起彼伏,直达她最敏感的地方。海水再度分开,左旋右抽,坐镇中央的潜水者则越潜越深,距离海底越来越来越近,通幽的曲径逐渐暴露无疑。愈发汹涌的波涛翻滚着冲向某片海岸,彻底将她最后的遮蔽揭开。潜水者不断深入,冲进那触觉可感知到的陌生所在,起伏的浪潮越荡越远,弃她而去,直到她感到一阵温柔震颤的痉挛突然降临,肉体深处最美妙的地方被触碰到,她体验到那种触电般的感觉,高潮畅然而至,她灵魂出窍,欲仙欲死。她丢失了自我,旧日的自己已经不复存在,她获得重生,成为真正完整的女人。 Ah, too lovely, too lovely! In the ebbing she realized all the loveliness. Now all her body clung with tender love to the unknown man, and blindly to the wilting penis, as it so tenderly, frailly, unknowingly withdrew, after the fierce thrust of its potency. As it drew out and left her body, the secret, sensitive thing, she gave an unconscious cry of pure loss, and she tried to put it back. It had been so perfect! And she loved it so! 啊,妙不可言,酣畅淋漓。当情欲的浪潮渐渐退去,她深切地体验到性爱的魅力。现在,她的娇躯紧紧地依偎着这个陌生的男子,深情款款,盲目地依恋着那逐渐萎缩的阴茎。经历过暴风骤雨般的全力冲刺之后,此刻的它变得柔软娇嫩,不知不觉地向后退缩。当它抽离她的身体,她不由自主地发出失落的叫喊,渴望能那神秘美妙的肉柱再次将自己填满。刚才它实在出色极了!让她简直欲罢不能! And only now she became aware of the small, bud-like reticence and tenderness of the penis, and a little cry of wonder and poignancy escaped her again, her woman's heart crying out over the tender frailty of that which had been the power. 直到此刻,她才意识到,这小家伙其实如蓓蕾般娇嫩含蓄,讶异的轻呼脱口而出,先前坚硬如铁,如今却柔软如棉,让女人那敏感的心灵发出由衷的赞叹。 "It was so lovely!" She moaned. "It was so lovely!" But he said nothing, only softly kissed her, lying still above her. And she moaned with a sort Of bliss, as a sacrifice, and a newborn thing. “简直太棒了!”她呻吟着。“实在太舒服了!”但他却并未搭话,只是无言地压在她的身上,温柔地吻着她。她快活地呻吟着,仿佛已献出自我,重获新生。 And now in her heart the queer wonder of him was awakened. 此刻,她心底对他的好奇再度被唤醒。 A man! The strange potency of manhood upon her! Her hands strayed over him, still a little afraid. Afraid of that strange, hostile, slightly repulsive thing that he had been to her, a man. And now she touched him, and it was the sons of god with the daughters of men. How beautiful he felt, how pure in tissue! How lovely, how lovely, strong, and yet pure and delicate, such stillness of the sensitive body! Such utter stillness of potency and delicate flesh. How beautiful! How beautiful! Her hands came timorously down his back, to the soft, smallish globes of the buttocks. Beauty! What beauty! A sudden little flame of new awareness went through her. How was it possible, this beauty here, where she had previously only been repelled? The unspeakable beauty to the touch of the warm, living buttocks! The life within life, the sheer warm, potent loveliness. And the strange weight of the balls between his legs! What a mystery! What a strange heavy weight of mystery, that could lie soft and heavy in one's hand! The roots, root of all that is lovely, the primeval root of all full beauty. 男人!那莫可名状的雄性力量让她飘飘欲仙!她的双手爱抚着他的身躯,仍带着些许的畏惧。眼前的这个男人曾经让她感到陌生,对她充满敌意,甚至使她心生厌恶,正因为此,那种畏惧的感觉仍未消散。而现在,她正抚摸着他,仿佛凡间女子得到神子的临幸。他摸起来多么美妙,皮肤多么纯净!如此强悍有力,却又单纯娇嫩,这副敏感的身躯如此安静,让人禁不住心生爱怜。这细腻的肉体蕴含着无穷的威力,但此刻却处于绝对静止的状态。太美了!太美了!她的双手怯生生地沿着他的后背向下摸索,触及到他柔软窄小的臀丘。美妙!实在太美妙了!意识的小火苗瞬间在身体内闪过。如此美妙的身躯,她之前却竟那样心怀厌恶,这怎么可能?爱抚着这温热生动的臀部,不可言传的美感在心底滋生。这生命中的生命,这无比温暖、充满力量的美。还有他两腿间睾丸那奇妙的沉重感。多么神秘!它们如此神秘莫测,极具分量,托在手上感觉既柔软又沉重。这就是根源,所有美好事物的根源,一切完美事物最初发端的所在。 She clung to him, with a hiss of wonder that was almost awe, terror. He held her close, but he said nothing. He would never say anything. She crept nearer to him, nearer, only to be near to the sensual wonder of him. And out of his utter, incomprehensible stillness, she felt again the slow momentous, surging rise of the phallus again, the other power. And her heart melted out with a kind of awe. 她依靠着他,心中的惊异几乎升格成为敬畏和恐惧。他紧紧将她搂在怀里,但却默不作声。他不愿用言语来表达。她不断贴近他的身体,只为贴近那肉欲的奇迹。虽然他处于难以理解的安静状态,但她再度发觉那阳具又颤巍巍地挺立起来,重新变得力道十足。她的心在敬畏的情感里悄然熔化。 And this time his being within her was all soft and iridescent, purely soft and iridescent, such as no consciousness could seize. Her whole self quivered unconscious and alive, like plasm. She could not know what it was. She could not remember what it had been. Only that it had been more lovely than anything ever could be. Only that. And afterwards she was utterly still, utterly unknowing, she was not aware for how long. And he was still with her, in an unfathomable silence along with her. And of this, they would never speak. 他再次进入她的身体,动作那样温柔,让她产生五彩斑斓的幻觉。那种彻底的温柔和绚烂,是意识所无法捕捉的。她整个的身心都在下意识地战栗着,那样地活跃,如同奔流不息的血液。她无从知晓究竟是怎么回事。她也记不起到底发生过什么。只知道人世间再也没有比这更美妙的事情。其他的都已不再重要。之后,她陷入彻底的静默,完全失去意识,不知道时间过了多久。他和她同样静默着,置身于深不见底的寂静之中。一切尽在不言中。 When awareness of the outside began to come back, she clung to his breast, murmuring "My love! My love!" And he held her silently. And she curled on his breast, perfect. 当对外界的意识开始恢复,她紧贴在他的胸前,喃喃地轻唤“亲爱的!亲爱的!”而他依旧无言,只是搂着她。她蜷伏在他的胸口,倍感幸福。 But his silence was fathomless. His hands held her like flowers, so still aid strange. "Where are you?" She whispered to him. 但他的沉默似乎依然没有尽头。他双手将她揽在怀中,如同捧着娇艳的花朵,如此安详,如此奇异。“你在想什么?”她低声问他。 "Where are you? Speak to me! Say something to me!" He kissed her softly, murmuring: "ay, my lass!" But she did not know what he meant, she did not know where he was. In his silence he seemed lost to her. “你在想什么?说话好吗!跟我说点什么!”他轻吻着她,低语道:“噢,我的宝贝!”可她不清楚他的意思,不知道他在想些什么。她觉得,他似乎已经迷失在沉默当中。 "You love me, don't you?” She murmured. “你爱我,不是吗?”她低声问。 "Ay, tha knows!" he said. “是呀,恁晓得!”他回答。 "But tell me!" she pleaded. “我想你亲口说出来!”她恳求道。 "Ay! Ay! 'asn't ter felt it?” “是呀!是呀!难道恁还感觉不到?” he said dimly, but softly and surely. And she clung close to him, closer. He was so much more peaceful in love than she was, and she wanted him to reassure her. 他的回答含混不清,但深情款款,斩钉截铁。她将他搂得更紧。同样置身情爱之中,他却比她平静得多,而她只想从他那里得到确切的答案。 "You do love me!" She whispered, assertive. And his hands stroked her softly, as if she were a flower, without the quiver of desire, but with delicate nearness. And still there haunted her a restless necessity to get a grip on love. “你真的爱我!”她声调虽低,语气却充满自信。他双手轻柔地抚摸着她,仿佛触碰着艳丽的花朵,没有情欲的颤抖,只有体贴与亲切。而她却仍执意要听到他亲口表白。 "Say you'll always love me!" she pleaded. “说你会永远爱我!”她央求着。 "Ay!" he said, abstractedly. “是呀!”他心不在焉地应道。 And she felt her questions driving him away from her. 她感觉自己执着的提问正将他慢慢推离。 "Mustn't we get up?" he said at last. “我们该起来了吧?”他终于开口。 "No!" she said. “不要!”她说。 But she could feel his consciousness straying, listening to the noises outside. 但她能察觉到,他的意识已经溜号,侧耳倾听着屋外的动静。 "It'll be nearly dark," he said. And she heard the pressure of circumstances in his voice. She kissed him, with a woman's grief at yielding up her hour. “天快要黑了。”他说。从他的话语里,她听得出外界环境对他造成的压力。她吻着他,心有戚戚,不愿就此放弃快乐的时光。 He rose, and turned up the lantern, then began to pull on his clothes, quickly disappearing inside them. Then he stood there, above her, fastening his breeches and looking down at her with dark, wide-eyes, his face a little flushed and his hair ruffled, curiously warm and still and beautiful in the dim light of the lantern, so beautiful, she would never tell him how beautiful. It made her want to cling fast to him, to hold him, for there was a warm, half-sleepy remoteness in his beauty that made her want to cry out and clutch him, to have him. She would never have him. So she lay on the blanket with curved, soft naked haunches, and he had no idea what she was thinking, but to him too she was beautiful, the soft, marvellous thing he could go into, beyond everything. 他站起身来,将灯火调亮,接着开始穿衣服,很快就将裸露的身躯全部遮住。然后,他站在一旁,系紧马裤,低头凝望着她,幽暗的大眼睛忽闪着,脸颊微泛红潮,头发凌乱,沐浴在油灯昏黄的光线里,显得那样温暖静谧,那样英俊,英俊到她无法用语言来形容。她想再度紧紧依偎着他,拥抱着他,因为他的美让人感到温暖,却又并非触手可及,仿佛置身于半梦半醒之间,这让她想要呼喊,想要抓紧他,想要拥有他。她绝不会拥有他。于是,她躺在毯子上,不着一缕,展露着曲线玲珑的柔美腰臀。他猜不透她在想些什么,但对他而言,她同样是美丽的,而凌驾于一切之上的,自然是那可以让他进入的温软奇妙的所在。 "I love thee that I call go into thee," he said. “俺爱恁,因为俺能进入恁的身体。”他说。 "Do you like me?" She said, her heart beating. “你喜欢我?”她问,心如小鹿乱撞。 "It heals it all up, that I can go into thee. I love thee that tha opened to me. I love thee that I came into thee like that." He bent down and kissed her soft flank, rubbed his cheek against it, then covered it up. “俺能进入恁的身体,其他的都不重要。俺爱恁,因为恁对俺敞开怀抱。俺爱恁,因为俺能够进入恁的身体。”他俯下身,吻着她柔若无骨的腰肢,脸颊来回磨蹭着,然后扯过毯子为她盖上。 "And will you never leave me?" she said. “你永远不会离开我吗?”她问。 "Dunna ask them things," he said. “甭问这种事。”他说。 "But you do believe I love you?" “可你相信我是爱你的么?” "Tha loved me just now, wider than iver tha thout tha would. But who knows what'll 'appen, once tha starts thinkin'about it!” "No, don't say those things!— And you don't really think that I wanted to make use of you, do you?” "How?" "To have a child—?” "Now anybody can 'ave any childt I'th'world," he said, as he sat down fastening on his leggings. “恁此刻当然爱俺,比以往任何时候都爱。但一旦恁开始琢磨,会得出怎样的结论,谁又会晓得。”“不,别说这种话!——你并没真的以为我想利用你,对吗?”“怎么利用?”“生孩子——”“如今这世道,谁想生孩子都可以生。”他边说,边坐下来系紧绑腿。 "Ah no!" she cried. “噢,不!”她喊道。 "You don't mean it?” "Eh well!" he said, looking at her under his brows. "This wor t' best.” She lay still. He softly opened the door. The sky was dark blue, with crystalline, turquoise rim. He went out, to shut up the hens, speaking softly to his dog. And she lay and wondered at the wonder of life, and of being. “你不是真的这样以为吧?”“哦,的确。”他说,皱起眉头看着她。“这没啥不妥。”她仍躺着没动。他缓缓敞开房门。天空呈现深蓝色,边际则是剔透的青绿色。他出门去,把母鸡关进笼里,低声跟猎犬咕哝几句。她依旧躺在原地,感叹着生命与存在的奇迹。 When he came back she was still lying there, glowing like a gipsy. He sat on the stool by her. 他回到屋里,她还躺在那里,热情洋溢,活脱像个吉普赛妇人。他在她身旁的凳子上坐下。 "Tha mun come one naight ter th'cottage, afore tha goos; sholl ter?” He asked, lifting his eyebrows as he looked at her, his hands dangling between his knees. “恁走以前,哪晚来俺家过夜,咋样?”他问,扬起眉毛望着她,双手耷拉在膝间。 "Sholl ter?" she echoed, teasing. “咋样?”她模仿着他的话,揶揄着。 He smiled. "Ay, sholl ter?" he repeated. 他笑了。“是呀,咋样啊?”他重复道。 "Ay!" she said, imitating the dialect sound. “是呀!”她学着那土腔土调。 "Yi!" he said. “咦!”他说。 "Yi!" she repeated. “咦!”她重复道。 "An' slaip wi' me," he said. "It needs that. When sholt come?" "When sholl I?" she said. “和俺睡一宿。”他说,“一定要来。啥时候来?”“我啥时候来?” 她说。 "Nay," he said, "tha canna do't. When sholt come then?” " 'Appen Sunday," she said. “不对,”他说,“恁学得不像。啥时候来呢?”“兴许礼拜天。”她说。 " 'Appen a'Sunday! Ay!” He laughed at her quickly. “兴许是礼拜天!是呀!”他瞬间朝她展开笑颜。 "Nay, tha canna," he protested. “不对,恁学得不像。”他抗议道。 "Why canna I?" she asked. “为什么不像?”她问。 第十三章 On Sunday Clifford wanted to go into the wood. It was a lovely morning, the pear-blossom and plum had suddenly appeared in the world in a wonder of white here and there. 时值周日,克利福德想去林中散散心。清晨,风和日煦,梨花李花陡然降世,满眼白色,令人叹为观止。 It was cruel for Clifford, while the world bloomed, to have to be helped from chair to bath-chair. But he had forgotten, and even seemed to have a certain conceit of himself in his lameness. Connie still suffered, having to lift his inert legs into place. Mrs. Bolton did it now, or Field. 正值百花争艳之时,克利福德仍需别人施以援手,才能从家用轮椅换到电动轮椅上,这样的现实的确残酷。但他早已将此遗忘,甚至对自己的残废之躯滋生出自满的情绪。目睹别人把丈夫那毫无知觉的双腿搬过去,放到合适的位置,康妮心里仍感到难受。如今,这差事由博尔顿太太或者菲尔德代劳。 She waited for him at the top of the drive, at the edge of the screen of beeches. His chair came puffing along with a sort of valetudinarian slow importance. As he joined his wife he said: "Sir Clifford on his foaming steed!" "Snorting, at least!" She laughed. 她在车道顶端等他,两棵山毛榉树投下的阴影堪堪将她遮住。轮椅发动起来,噗噗响着,可行进速度如同久病之人那样缓慢。他来到妻子身边时说:“克利福德爵士跨乘唾沫四溅的骏马!”“至少是喷吐鼻息的骏马!”她笑着说。 He stopped and looked round at the facade of the long, low old brown house. 他停住轮椅,回望那座狭长低矮的褐色老屋。 "Wragby doesn't wink an eyelid!” He said. "But then why should it! I ride upon the achievements of the mind of man, and that beats a horse." "I suppose it does. And the souls in Plato riding up to heaven in a two-horse chariot would go in a Ford car now," she said. “拉格比连眼皮都不抬一下!”他说。“可为什么要抬呢!人类智慧建立的功勋都任我驾驭,比骑匹骏马胜强百倍。”“确实如此。当年柏拉图的灵魂登临天堂,驾的是骈马战车,现在的话,应该换成福特轿车才对。”她说。 "Or a Rolls-Royce: Plato was an aristocrat!” "Quite! No more black horse to thrash and maltreat. Plato never thought we'd go one better than his black steed and his white steed, and have no steeds at all, only an engine!” "Only an engine and gas!" Said Clifford. “或许要劳斯莱斯才行呢,柏拉图可是位贵族呢!”“有道理!黑色骏马无需再受人鞭笞与虐待。柏拉图做梦也想不到,我们如今比他的黑白二骏更胜一筹,而且根本就没有骏马,有的只是马达!”“只有马达和汽油。”克利福德说。 "I hope I can have some repairs done to the old place next year. I think I shall have about a thousand to spare for that: but work costs so much!” He added. “明年我想把旧矿区修缮一下。我估计这要花去上千英镑,但工程的耗费总是十分庞大!”他补充说。 "Oh, good!" Said Connie. "If only there aren't more strikes!” "What would be the use of their striking again! Merely ruin the industry, what's left of it: and surely the owls are beginning to see it!” "Perhaps they don't mind ruining the industry," said Connie. “噢,很好!”康妮说。“但愿别再有罢工就好!”“他们再闹罢工也没什么用处!只会让煤矿工业毁于一旦,将仅存的硕果推上绝路,这些夜猫子很快就会明白我的话!”“或许他们并不在乎煤矿是否走向毁灭。”康妮说。 "Ah, don't talk like a woman!” The industry fills their bellies, even if it can't keep their pockets quite so flush," he said, using turns of speech that oddly had a twang of Mrs. Bolton. “哈,真是妇人之见!就算煤矿工业无法填满他们的腰包,但至少可以让他们避免食不果腹的尴尬。”他说,语调中居然带着博尔顿太太惯用的鼻音。 "But didn't you say the other day that you were a conservative-anarchist," she asked innocently. He retorted. "And did you understand what I meant?" "All I meant is, people can be what they like and feel what they like and do what they like, strictly privately, so long as they keep the FORM of life intact, and the apparatus." Connie walked on in silence a few paces. Then she said, obstinately: "It sounds like saying an egg may go as addled as it likes, so long as it keeps its shell on whole. But addled eggs do break of themselves." "I don't think people are eggs," he said. "Not even angels' eggs, my dear little evangelist.” He was in rather high feather this bright morning. The larks were trilling away over the park, the distant pit in the hollow was fuming silent steam. It was almost like old days, before the war. Connie didn't really want to argue. But then she did not really want to go to the wood with Clifford either. So she walked beside his chair in a certain obstinacy of spirit. “但你不是曾经以保守派无政府主义者自居吗?”她的问题有些幼稚。他反驳道。“你到底搞没搞清我的意思?”“我是说,人们大可以为所欲为,想所欲想,做所欲做,但这只局限于私生活方面,前提是他们能够保证生活和机制在形式上的完整性。”康妮默行数步。然后,她执拗地说:“这理论听起来是说,鸡蛋大可以臭掉,前提是它的壳保持完整。但坏掉的鸡蛋会自己爆掉。”“人怎么能跟鸡蛋划等号。”他说。“甚至不是天使的蛋,我亲爱的小传道士。”在这个明媚的清晨,他的情绪极佳。百灵鸟在园林上空啾唧啭鸣,远处山谷中的煤矿无声地升腾起蒸气。一切情境宛若旧日时光,大战爆发前的时光。康妮无心再去争辩。但她也再无兴致陪克利福德去林中徜徉。于是,她赌着气,走在轮椅旁边。 "No," he said. "There will be no more strikes, it. The thing is properly managed." "Why not?" "Because strikes will be made as good as impossible." "But will the men let you?" she asked. “不。”他说。“如果一切尽在掌握,就不再会有罢工出现。”“为什么?”“因为罢工将变得难上加难。”“但矿工们会任由你摆布吗?”她问。 "We shan't ask them. We shall do it while they aren't looking: for their own good, to save the industry.” "For your own good too," she said. “我们不会征求他们的意见。我们只会在他们还没留意时,就搞定一切,这也是为了他们着想,为了拯救煤矿业。”“也是为了你自己的利益。”她说。 "Naturally! For the good of everybody. But for their good even more than mine. I can live without the pits. They can't. They'll starve if there are no pits. I've got other provision.” They looked up the shallow valley at the mine, and beyond it, at the black-lidded houses of Tevershall crawling like some serpent up the hill. From the old brown church the bells were ringing: Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! “那是当然!为了所有人的利益。但他们得到的好处甚至比我还多。即使失去煤矿,我依然能够生存。他们却不能。没有煤矿,他们统统都要挨饿。而我还有别的经济来源。”他们来到浅谷顶端,遥望着煤矿,还有远处那长蛇般蜿蜒曲折的农舍。那些黑色顶棚的房子属于特弗沙尔村。褐色的老教堂传来钟声,告诉所有人周日的降临。 "But will the men let you dictate terms?" She said. "My dear, they will have to: if one does it gently.” "But mightn't there be a mutual understanding?” "Absolutely: when they realize that the industry comes before the individual.” "But must you own the industry?" She said. “但他们会任由你发号施令吗?”她问。“亲爱的,如果采取怀柔政策,他们只能乖乖就范。”“难道就没有相互谅解的途径吗?”“当然有,前提是他们认识到产业的利益远远高于个人得失。”“但你非得占有煤矿吗?”她问。 "I don't. But to the extent I do own it, yes, most decidedly. The ownership of property has now become a religious question: as it has been since Jesus and St. Francis. The point is NOT: take all thou hast and give to the poor, but use all thou hast to encourage the industry and give work to the poor. It's the only way to feed all the mouths and clothe all the bodies. Giving away all we have to the poor spells starvation for the poor just as much as for us. And universal starvation is no high aim. Even general poverty is no lovely thing. Poverty is ugly.” "But the disparity?" "That is fate. Why is the star Jupiter bigger than the star Neptune? You can't start altering the make-up of things!” "But when this envy and jealousy and discontent has once started," she began. “并非如此。但既然已经拥有,那么,自然要继续下去。产权如今已经上升成为宗教问题,自从耶稣基督和圣方济洛(注:1506-1552,西班牙传教士,耶稣会创始人之一)时代就是如此。问题的关键并非将你所拥有尽数施舍给穷苦大众,而是利用你所拥有的,推动产业的发展,给劳苦大众创造就业机会。这才是实现人人有饭吃,人人有衣穿的唯一途径。将我们所拥有的全部施舍给穷人,只会导致世人共同受饿的结果。人人挨饿并非崇高的目标。人人受穷也并非美妙的事情。贫穷即是丑陋。”“可贫富不均又怎样解决?”“这是命运使然。木星为何比海王星大呢?你无法改变宿命!”“但嫉妒和不满一旦出现。”她反唇相讥。 "Do, your best to stop it. Somebody's got to be boss of the show.” "But who is boss of the show?" she asked. “尽全力阻止这种事情。总要有人当家做主。”“可由谁来扮演这一角色呢?”她问。 "The men who own and run the industries." There was a long silence. “企业的所有者和运营者。”两人陷入长久的沉默。 "It seems to me they're a bad boss," she said. “在我看来,他们不配做当家人。”她说。 "Then you suggest what they should do." "They don't take their boss-ship seriously enough," she said. “那你说说看,他们到底应该怎样做。”“对待自己所占据的高位,他们理应更加审慎。”她说。 "They take it far more seriously than you take your ladyship," he said. “他们更加看重自己的地位,绝不像你那样,根本不把从男爵夫人的头衔当回事。”他说。 "That's thrust upon me. I don't really want it," she blurted out. He stopped the chair and looked at her. “那头衔不过是别人强加给我的。我压根儿就不稀罕。”她未加思索,脱口而出。他停住轮椅,看着自己的妻子。 "Who's shirking their responsibility now!” He said. "Who is trying to get away now from the responsibility of their own boss-ship, as you call it?” "But I don't want any boss-ship," she protested. “现在到底是谁在推卸责任!”他说。“到底是谁在逃避你所谓的高位呢?”“可我根本就不想要高高在上。”她反驳道。 "Ah! But that is funk. You've got it: fated to it. And you should live up to it. Who has given the colliers all they have that's worth having: all their political liberty, and their education, such as it is, their sanitation, their health-conditions, their books, their music, everything. Who has given it them? Have colliers given it to colliers? No! All the Wragbys and Shipleys in England have given their part, and must go on giving. There's your responsibility.” Connie listened, and flushed very red. “哈!可这是逃避的表现。你已经拥有这种身份,这是命运的安排。你不应让它蒙羞。是谁让矿工得到这值得拥有的一切:政治自由,教育机会,诸如此类,还有卫生条件,医疗保健,书籍,音乐,一切的一切?是谁给予他们这一切?是矿工自己吗?不!英格兰所有的拉格比和希普利们已然人尽其责,并将继续履行自己的使命。这就是你的责任。”康妮听着,脸涨得通红。 "I'd like to give something," she said. "But I'm not allowed. Everything is to be sold and paid for now; and all the things you mention now, Wragby and Shipley SELL them to the people, at a good profit. Everything is sold. You don't give one heart-beat of real sympathy. And besides, who has taken away from the people their natural life and manhood, and given them this industrial horror? Who has done that?” "And what must I do?" He asked, green. "Ask them to come and pillage me?" "Why is Tevershall so ugly, so hideous? Why are their lives so hopeless?" "They built their own Tevershall, that's part of their display of freedom. They built themselves their pretty Tevershall, and they live their own pretty lives. I can't live their lives for them. Every beetle must live its own life.” "But you make them work for you. They live the life of your coal-mine.” "Not at all. Every beetle finds its own food. Not one man is forced to work for me. “我倒愿意给予些什么。”她说。“但却得不到允许。如今,所有的东西都是商品,明码标价,你刚才提到的全部,都由拉格比和希普利卖给穷苦大众,以博取高额的利润。所有的东西都需要用钱来买。你们从不屑施舍半点真正的同情。还有,是谁让劳苦大众英年早丧,毫无半点做人的尊严,对工业的发展充满畏惧?罪魁祸首究竟是谁?”“那么我应该怎样做?”他反问道,脸色铁青。“请他们来掠夺我?”“为什么特弗沙尔如此丑陋,如此粗鄙?为什么他们的生活毫无希望?”“他们按照自己的意愿建设特弗沙尔,这也是他们享有自由的体现。他们建设出自以为美好的特弗沙尔,过着自得其乐的生活。他们选择怎样的生活方式,我无法做主。就算是甲壳虫也要过自己的生活。”“但你逼他们为你干活。他们根本是为你的煤矿而活。”“一派胡言。就算是甲壳虫也能为自己觅得食物。我从未强迫任何人来煤矿做工。” "Their lives are industrialized and hopeless, and so are ours," she cried. “他们的生活是工业化的,丝毫没有希望,我们的生活也一般无二。”她喊道。 "I don't think they are. That's just a romantic figure of speech, a relic of the swooning and die-away romanticism. You don't look at all a hopeless figure standing there, Connie my dear.” Which was true. For her dark-blue eyes were flashing, her colour was hot in her cheeks, she looked full of a rebellious passion far from the dejection of hopelessness. She noticed, ill the tussocky places of the grass, cottony young cowslips standing up still bleared in their down. And she wondered with rage, why it was she felt Clifford was so wrong, yet she couldn't say it to him, she could not say exactly where he was wrong. “我可不这样认为。这只是不切实际的形象比喻,是浪漫主义的可耻残余,这种想法会让人神魂颠倒,但却难以长久。我亲爱的康妮,你好端端地站在那里,根本没有一丁点儿绝望的样子。”此话不假。她深蓝色的双眸光华四射,两颊发热,似乎充满桀骜不驯的热情,全然没有绝望者的沮丧神态。她注意到,乱蓬蓬的草丛中,毛茸茸的报春花娇柔嫩弱,亭亭玉立,依然未脱绒毛。她气呼呼地想,为什么明明知道克利福德有错,却不能对他明言,不能直截了当地告诉他错在哪里。 "No wonder the men hate you," she said. “难怪他们都恨你。”她说。 "They don't!” He replied. "And don't fall into errors: in your sense of the word, they are not men. They are animals you don't understand, and never could. Don't thrust your illusions on other people. The masses were always the same, and will always be the same. Nero's slaves were extremely little different from our colliers or the Ford motor-car workmen. I mean Nero's mine slaves and his field slaves. It is the masses: they are the unchangeable. An individual may emerge from the masses. But the emergence doesn't alter the mass. The masses are unalterable. It is one of the most momentous facts of social science. PANEM ET CIRCENSESP! Only today education is one of the bad substitutes for a circus. What is wrong today is that we've made a profound hash of the circuses part of the programme, and poisoned our masses with a little education.” When Clifford became really roused in his feelings about the common people, Connie was frightened. There was something devastatingly true in what he said. But it was a truth that killed. “他们并不恨我!”他回应道。“不要陷入误区:依照你的理解,他们根本算不上人。他们不过是你无法理解的兽类,你也永远无法理解他们的想法。不要对他人抱有幻想。无论过去或者将来,老百姓都是这副德行。尼禄(注:37-68,古罗马帝国的暴君)豢养的奴隶,与我们的矿工或者福特汽车公司的技工,并无本质区别。我说的是尼禄的矿奴和农奴。老百姓就是如此,他们总是死性不改。或许会有人脱颖而出。但这并不会让群体发生变化。老百姓就是冥顽不灵。这是社会科学领域最基本的事实之一。面包和杂耍!时至今日,教育才取杂耍而代之,可惜只是滥竽充数。当今社会的症结在于,我们把节目单上杂耍的部分搞得乱七八糟,然后用微不足道的教育荼毒大众。”克利福德吐露出自己对于平民百姓的真实想法,康妮禁不住感到恐惧。他的话里包含着压倒一切的真理。但却是杀人的真理。 Seeing her pale and silent, Clifford started the chair again, and no more was said till he halted again at the wood gate, which she opened. 眼见她面色苍白,沉默不语,克利福德再度发动轮椅,径直来到园林门口,康妮为他打开门,他才再度开口。 "And what we need to take up now," he said, "is whips, not swords. The masses have been ruled since time began, and till time ends, ruled they will have to be. It is sheer hypocrisy and farce to say they can rule themselves." "But can you rule them?" She asked. “如今我们需要拿起的,”他说,“是皮鞭,而非刀剑。从创世之初到世界末日,平头百姓都扮演着被统治的角色,而且只能被统治。如果说他们能够自治,那可真是痴人说梦。”“可你就统治得了他们吗?”她问。 "I? Oh yes! Neither my mind nor my will is crippled, and I don't rule with my legs. I can do my share of ruling: absolutely, my share; and give me a son, and he will be able to rule his portion after me.” "But he wouldn't be your own son, of your own ruling class; or perhaps not," she stammered. “我么?当然能!我拥有健全的心智和顽强的意志,实施统治无须用双腿。我能够尽到本分,完成统治者的职责,这毫无疑问;给我生个儿子,他就能将我的统治延续下去。”“但他并非你亲生,甚至并非来自你所在的统治阶级,或许不是吧。”她支吾起来。 "I don't care who his father may be, so long as he is a healthy man not below normal intelligence. Give me the child of any healthy, normally intelligent man, and I will make a perfectly competent Chatterley of him. It is not who begets us, that matters, but where fate places us. Place any child among the ruling classes, and he will grow up, to his own extent, a ruler. Put kings' and dukes' children among the masses, and they'll be little plebeians, mass products. It is the overwhelming pressure of environment.” "Then the common people aren't a race, and the aristocrats aren't blood," she said. “他的父亲是谁都无所谓,只要他身体健康,智力不低于平常。只要那个男人身心健全,智力正常,我就能将他的孩子塑造成为查泰莱家族合格的继承人。至关重要的并非是谁生养我们,而是命运将我们置于何处。将任何孩童置于统治阶级当中,他都会成长为合格的统治者。将王爵家的子嗣置于平民百姓当中,他也只会沦为庶民,乌合之后。客观环境的压力不可逆转。”“如此说来,平民百姓并非生来卑贱,王孙贵族也不是血统使然。”她说。 "No, my child! All that is romantic illusion. Aristocracy is a function, a part of fate. And the masses are a functioning of another part of fate. The individual hardly matters. It is a question of which function you are brought up to and adapted to. It is not the individuals that make an aristocracy: it is the functioning of the aristocratic whole. And it is the functioning of the whole mass that makes the common man what he is.” "Then there is no common humanity between us all!" "Just as you like. We all need to fill our bellies. But when it comes to expressive or executive functioning, I believe there is a gulf and an absolute one, between the ruling and the serving classes. The two functions are opposed. And the function determines the individual." Connie looked at him with dazed eyes. “没错,亲爱的!那些都只是浪漫的幻想。王孙贵族是种职责,是命运的组成部分。平民百姓则是命运另一部分的职责。个体往往无关紧要。重要的是你接受怎样的教育,适应于怎样的社会职责。贵族之所以为贵族,起作用的并非个体,而是贵族整体的职责。同理,平民之所以为平民,起作用的同样是平民群体的职责。”“这样说来,人与人之间并不存在共通的人性?”“随你怎么理解。我们都得填饱肚子。但说到职责的表现和执行,我认为统治阶级和服务阶级之间存在着不可逾越的鸿沟。两种职责背道而驰。职责决定个体。”康妮茫然地看着他。 "Won't you come on?” She said. “往前走吧。”她说。 And he started his chair. He had said his say. Now he lapsed into his peculiar and rather vacant apathy, that Connie found so trying. In the wood, anyhow, she was determined not to argue. 他发动轮椅。他已经表明自己的态度。现在,他再度堕入那特有的空虚冷漠中去,康妮对这种情绪感到极端厌恶。但无论怎样,她还是不愿意跟他在林中争论不休。 In front of them ran the open cleft of the riding, between the hazel walls and the gay grey trees. The chair puffed slowly on, slowly surging into the forget-me-nots that rose up in the drive like milk froth, beyond the hazel shadows. Clifford steered the middle course, where feet passing had kept a channel through the flowers. But Connie, walking behind, had watched the wheels jolt over the wood-ruff and the bugle, and squash the little yellow cups of the creeping-jenny. Now they made a wake through the forget-me-nots. 开阔的马道展现在两人前方,路两旁是榛树壁垒以及斑白的华美树丛。轮椅突突着缓慢前行,颠簸着驶进勿忘我丛。这种蓝色的花朵生长在榛树的遮蔽之外,好像道路上弥漫着的奶泡。克利福德择路而行,沿着人们在花丛中踩出的小径前进。但康妮则落在后面,眼睁睁看着轮椅摇摆着碾过车叶草和喇叭花,将铜线珍珠菜的黄色小花瓣压得粉碎。如今,它又在勿忘我丛中留下轮痕。 All the flowers were there, the first bluebells in blue pools, like standing water. 千紫万红的花朵争奇斗艳,风铃草在湛蓝的池塘中乍放,宛若一弯净水。 "You are quite right about its being beautiful," said Clifford. "It is so amazingly. What is QUITE so lovely as an English spring!" “你说得太对了,这里确实美不胜收。”克里福德说。“这里确实令人惊艳。任什么也不如英格兰的春天这般秀美!” Connie thought it sounded as if even the spring bloomed by act of Parliament. An English spring! Why not an Irish one? Or Jewish? The chair moved slowly ahead, past tufts of sturdy bluebells that stood up like wheat and over grey burdock leaves. When they came to the open place where the trees had been felled, the light flooded in rather stark. And the bluebells made sheets of bright blue colour, here and there, sheering off into lilac and purple. And between, the bracken was lifting its brown curled heads, like legions of young snakes with a new secret to whisper to Eve. Clifford kept the chair going till he came to the brow of the hill; Connie followed slowly behind. The oak-buds were opening soft and brown. Everything came tenderly out of the old hardness. Even the snaggy craggy oak-trees put out the softest young leaves, spreading thin, brown little wings like young bat-wings in the light. Why had men never any newness in them, any freshness to come forth with! Stale men! 康妮感觉克利福德好像是说,甚至连春花绽放都需得到国会法令的允许。英格兰的春天!为何不是爱尔兰的春天?或者犹太的?轮椅缓缓前行,轧过一簇簇如麦秆般强韧的风铃草,碾过牛蒡草的灰色叶片。当两人来到那块树木伐尽的空旷所在,阳光充溢,晃晃显显。风铃草碧蓝如席,随处可见,其间点缀着姹紫嫣红的花朵。花丛中,欧洲蕨扬着纠结缠绕的棕色脑袋,像成百上千条小蛇,争先恐后地想要向夏娃吐露新的秘密。克利福德驱动轮椅,径直驶到山脊处,康妮则慢悠悠地跟在后面。橡树棕色的嫩芽温柔地吐露。万物复苏,辞旧迎新。甚至连残干横生、皱皱巴巴的老橡树,也吐出最柔嫩的新芽,伸出纤细娇小的褐色枝条,像是日光中闪闪发亮的蝙蝠翼翅。为何人类从不自我更新,只会安于现状,固步自封!腐朽的人类! Clifford stopped the chair at the top of the rise and looked down. The bluebells washed blue like flood-water over the broad riding, and lit up the downhill with a warm blueness. 克利福德在坡顶止住轮椅,向下眺望。风铃草如同碧蓝的潮水,将宽阔的马道湮没,给整个山坡着上温暖的蓝色。 "It's a very fine colour in itself," said Clifford, "but useless for making a painting." "Quite!" Said Connie, completely uninterested. “这颜色本身的确美丽,”克利福德评价道,“但若用来作画就一无是处了。”“有道理!”康妮应付着,提不起半点兴趣。 "Shall I venture as far as the spring?" Said Clifford. “我来冒回险怎样,驾着轮椅驶到泉水那边?”克里福德提议说。 "Will the chair get up again?" She said. “轮椅还能攀得上这山坡吗?”她问。 "We'll try; nothing venture, nothing win!” “我们不妨试试看,不入虎穴,焉得虎子!” And the chair began to advance slowly, joltingly down the beautiful broad riding washed over with blue encroaching hyacinths. O last of all ships, through the hyacinthian shallows! O pinnace on the last wild waters, sailing in the last voyage of our civilization! Whither, O weird wheeled ship, your slow course steering. Quiet and complacent, Clifford sat at the wheel of adventure: in his old black hat and tweed jacket, motionless and cautious. O Captain, my Captain, our splendid trip is done! Not yet though! Downhill, in the wake, came Constance in her grey dress, watching the chair jolt downwards. 轮椅开始缓缓下行,颠簸在美丽开阔的马道上,摇摆在漫山遍野的蓝色风信子间。噢,横越风信子浅滩的末班船!噢,汹涌波涛上,有轻舟一叶,扬帆出海,做最后的远航,探寻我们的文明!噢,奇异的轮之船,你缓慢的航程通往何方?克利福德志得意满,从容地掌握着探险的航向,头戴破旧黑帽,身穿花呢上衣,坐在那里,动也不动,倍加小心。噢,船长,噢,我的船长,我们壮丽的航程将要收尾!虽然尚未告终!康斯坦斯身穿灰色裙装,沿着轮痕走下山坡,目睹着轮椅颠簸而下。 They passed the narrow track to the hut. Thank heaven it was not wide enough for the chair: hardly wide enough for one person. The chair reached the bottom of the slope, and swerved round, to disappear. And Connie heard a low whistle behind her. She glanced sharply round: the keeper was striding downhill towards her, his dog keeping behind him. 两人路过通往林间小屋的窄径。谢天谢地,小径实在太窄,容不得轮椅通行,就算是人想通过,也要费番周折。轮椅驶到坡底后转弯,消失在视线之外。此时,康妮听到背后传来低低的口哨声。她连忙回头观瞧,守林人正大步走下山坡,来到她的切近,猎犬尾随在后。 "Is Sir Clifford going to the cottage?" He asked, looking into her eyes. “克利福德爵士要去农舍吗?”他望着她的双眼问。 "No, only to the well." "Ah! Good! Then I can keep out of sight. But I shall see you tonight. I shall wait for you at the park-gate about ten.” He looked again direct into her eyes. “不,他只是想去约翰井。”“哦!太好了!那样我就不用露面了。可我今晚要见你。十点左右,我在园林门口等你。”他直直地逼视着她的双眸。 "Yes," she faltered. “好吧。”她的声音有些颤抖。 They heard the Papp! Papp! of Clifford's horn, tooting for Connie. 耳边传来叭叭的声音!叭叭!那是克利福德按响喇叭,催促康妮赶快跟上。 She "Coo-eed!" in reply. The keeper's face flickered with a little grimace, and with his hand he softly brushed her breast upwards, from underneath. She looked at him, frightened, and started running down the hill, calling Coo-ee! again to Clifford. The man above watched her, then turned, grinning faintly, back into his path. 她发出“喂”的喊声,作为回应。守林人微微做了个鬼脸,手已经自下向上轻抚起她的酥胸。她惊讶地瞪了他一眼,赶忙往坡下跑去,嘴里仍发出“喂”的喊声,回应着克利福德。守林人居高临下,目送她远去,继而转过身,隐入身后的窄径,脸上露出浅浅的笑意。 She found Clifford slowly mounting to the spring, which was halfway up the slope of the dark larch-wood. He was there by the time she caught him up. 她发现克利福德正费力地向泉边驶去。那眼泉水位于半山腰处,四周都是幽深的落叶松林。等她赶到,他已经抵达。 "She did that all right," he said, referring to the chair. “她表现得不错。”他说,指的是自己的轮椅。 Connie looked at the great grey leaves of burdock that grew out ghostly from the edge of the larch-wood. The people call it Robin Hood's Rhubarb. How silent and gloomy it seemed by the well! Yet the water bubbled so bright, wonderful! And there were bits of eye-bright and strong blue bugle...And there, under the bank, the yellow earth was moving. A mole! It emerged, rowing its pink hands, and waving its blind gimlet of a face, with the tiny pink nose-tip uplifted. 康妮看着松林边缘鬼魅般丛生的牛蒡草,它拥有宽大的灰色叶片。当地人将它称作“罗宾汉大黄”。泉眼附近如此寂静和阴暗!而泉水却潺潺流泻着,那样欢快,那样奇妙。这里还见得到几株小米草以及肥硕的蓝色喇叭花……而在那边,围栏下方,黄土被掀开。鼹鼠!它探出身来,粉色的爪子舞动着,螺丝锥似的脑袋茫然四顾,粉色的小鼻尖向上翘着。 "It seems to see with the end of its nose," said Connie. “它的视觉器官似乎是鼻头。”康妮说。 "Better than with its eyes!" He said. "Will you drink?" "Will you?" She took an enamel mug from a twig on a tree, and stooped to fill it for him. He drank in sips. Then she stooped again, and drank a little herself. “比眼睛更加敏锐!”他说。“你要喝水吗?”“你呢?”她从树枝上取下一只瓷杯,弯腰为他取水。他呷了几口。接着,她又俯身取了些,自己也喝了一点。 "So icy!" She said gasping. “真清凉!”她气喘吁吁地说。 "Good, isn't it! Did you wish?” "Did you?" "Yes, I wished. But I won't tell.” She was aware of the rapping of a woodpecker, then of the wind, soft and eerie through the larches. She looked up. White clouds were crossing the blue. “真棒,不是吗?你许愿了没?”“你呢?”“嗯,我许了。可不想说出来。”她听见啄木鸟轻击树干的声音,感觉松林中传来的风轻柔而诡异。她仰望天空。白云朵朵掠过蓝天。 "Clouds!" She said. “云彩!”她赞叹道。 "White lambs only," he replied. “只是些白色的羊羔而已。”他不以为然。 A shadow crossed the little clearing. The mole had swum out on to the soft yellow earth. 云影移过泉边的小块空地。那只鼹鼠已经爬了出来,将松软的黄土踩在脚下。 "Unpleasant little beast, we ought to kill him," said Clifford. “讨厌的小东西,我们应该弄死它。”克利福德说。 "Look! He's like a parson in a pulpit," she said. “看呀!他像圣坛上布道的牧师。”她说。 She gathered some sprigs of woodruff and brought them to him. 她摘了几根车叶草,交到他的手中。 "New-mown hay!” He said. "Doesn't it smell like the romantic ladies of the last century, who had their heads screwed on the right way after all!” She was looking at the white clouds. “新刈的干草!”他说。“闻起来就像百年前风流的贵妇,好在那时的女人还算精明能干!”她依然望着白色的云朵。 "I wonder if it will rain," she said. “我在想会不会下雨。”她说。 "Rain! Why! Do you want it to?" They started on the return journey, Clifford jolting cautiously downhill. They came to the dark bottom of the hollow, turned to the right, and after a hundred yards swerved up the foot of the long slope, where bluebells stood in the light. “下雨!为什么!你盼着下雨吗?”他俩踏上归途,下坡路上轮椅摇摇摆摆,克利福德更加谨慎。两人来到阴暗的谷底,右转后前进一百码,便拐上长长的山坡,那里的风铃草在阳光的照耀下亭亭玉立。 "Now, old girl!" Said Clifford, putting the chair to it. “现在,轮到你出彩了,老伙计!”克利福德说着,驾着轮椅驶上山坡。 It was a steep and jolty climb. The chair pugged slowly, in a struggling unwilling fashion. Still, she nosed her way up unevenly, till she came to where the hyacinths were all around her, then she balked, struggled, jerked a little way out of the flowers, then stopped. "We'd better sound the horn and see if the keeper will come," said Connie. "He could push her a bit. For that matter, I will push. It helps." "We'll let her breathe," said Clifford. "Do you mind putting a scotch under the wheel?" Connie found a stone, and they waited. After a while Clifford started his motor again, then set the chair in motion. It struggled and faltered like a sick thing, with curious noises. 道路陡峭且崎岖不平。轮椅慢吞吞地攀爬着,显得极为吃力,又不太情愿似的。尽管道路并不平坦,她依然奋力前行,直到驶入风信子丛中。她被绊住,挣扎了几下,但仍未能摆脱花枝的缠绕,最终停住动弹不得。“咱俩最好按响喇叭,看守林人是否会赶来。”康妮提议道。“他可以帮忙推车。那样的话,我也来帮忙推。会管用的。”“咱们让她喘口气儿。”克利福德说。“你去找块石头,垫在轮子后面,好吗?”康妮找来块石头,他俩等待了一会儿。紧接着,克利福德再度发动马达,轮椅重新开始前进。它举步维艰,踉踉跄跄,活脱像个久病缠身的家伙,还发出古怪的噪声。 "Let me push!" Said Connie, coming up behind. “让我来推吧!”康妮说着,走到轮椅后面。 "No! Don't push!” He said angrily. "What's the good of the damned thing, if it has to be pushed! Put the stone under!” “不用!别推!”克利福德愤怒地说道,“如果还要推,那这该死的东西还有什么用!”把石头垫在轮子底下就行!” There was another pause, then another start; but more ineffectual than before. 稍作停顿,他再度发动轮椅,但情况没有丝毫好转。 "You MUST let me push," said she. "Or sound the horn for the keeper." "Wait!" She waited; and he had another try, doing more harm than good. “你得让我推才行。”她说。“不然,就按喇叭,唤守林人过来帮忙。”“等等!”她等待着,他又尝试了一次,可情况变得更糟。 "Sound the horn then, if you won't let me push," she said. "Hell! Be quiet a moment!" She was quiet a moment: he made shattering efforts with the little motor. “按喇叭吧,不然就让我来推。”她说。“见鬼!闭上嘴!”她沉默不语,他拼命折腾着那个小马达。 "You'll only break the thing down altogether, Clifford," she remonstrated; "besides wasting your nervous energy." "If I could only get out and look at the damned thing!" He said, exasperated. And he sounded the horn stridently. "Perhaps Mellors can see what's wrong.” They waited, among the mashed flowers under a sky softly curdling with cloud. In the silence a wood-pigeon began to coo roo-hoo hoo! roo-hoo hoo! “你那样只会把机器搞坏,克利福德,”她提出抗议,“再说也是白费力气。”“要是我能下来,检查一下这可恶的东西就好了!”他怒不可遏地说。接着他按响喇叭,发出刺耳的声音。“或许梅勒斯能找出问题何在。”他们等待着,被碾烂的花朵散落在四周,天空中的云彩慢慢汇聚起来。周围一片寂静,突然间一只斑鸠咕咕地叫起来。咕咕咕咕! Clifford shut her up with a blast on the horn. 克利福德猛然间按响喇叭,把那只斑鸠吓得不敢做声。 The keeper appeared directly, striding inquiringly round the corner. He saluted. 守林人仿佛从天而降,他绕过拐角,大踏步走上前来,询问到底发生了什么事。他向两人行礼。 "Do you know anything about motors?" Asked Clifford sharply. “你会修马达吗?”克利福德劈头就问。 "I am afraid I don't. Has she gone wrong?” "Apparently!" snapped Clifford. “我不会。轮椅出毛病了?”“明知故问!”克利福德呵斥着。 The man crouched solicitously by the wheel, and peered at the little engine. 守林人热心地蹲在轮椅旁边,仔细检查起小马达来。 "I'm afraid I know nothing at all about these mechanical things, Sir Clifford," he said calmly. "If she has enough petrol and oil—” "Just look carefully and see if you can see anything broken," snapped Clifford. “我对机械方面的东西一窍不通,克利福德爵士。”他平静地说。“要是汽油足够的话——”“仔细看看有没有损坏的地方。”克利福德厉声说。 The man laid his gun against a tree, took off his coat, and threw it beside it. The brown dog sat guard. Then he sat down on his heels and peered under the chair, poking with his finger at the greasy little engine, and resenting the grease-marks on his clean Sunday shirt. 守林人把猎枪靠在树上,脱掉外套,扔在树边。那只棕色猎犬蹲伏在旁警戒着。接着,他蹲下身子,观察着轮椅的底部,手指轻触着油迹斑斑的马达,眼见自己洁净的礼拜日衬衫沾满油渍,让他心里颇感不悦。 "Doesn't seem anything broken," he said. And he stood up, pushing back his hat from his forehead, rubbing his brow and apparently studying. “似乎没有损坏的地方。”他说。然后,他站起身来,把帽子往脑后推了推,磨蹭着额头,显然是正在苦思。 "Have you looked at the rods underneath?" Asked Clifford. "See if they are all right!" “看到底部的杠杆了么?”克利福德问。“看看它们是否正常!” The man lay flat on his stomach on the floor, his neck pressed back, wriggling under the engine and poking with his finger. Connie thought what a pathetic sort of thing a man was, feeble and small-looking, when he was lying on his belly on the big earth. 守林人趴在地上,头向后拧,在发动机下面蠕动着,手指戳戳这里,碰碰那里。康妮觉得,堂堂男子汉趴在地上,显得那样渺小,那样微不足道,简直就是条可怜虫。 "Seems all right as far as I can see," came his muffled voice. “依我看,似乎一切正常。”轮椅下传来他模糊不清的声音。 "I don't suppose you can do anything," said Clifford. “我看你也无能为力了。”克利福德说。 "Seems as if I can't!” And he scrambled up and sat on his heels, collier fashion. "There's certainly nothing obviously broken.” Clifford started his engine, then put her in gear. She would not move. “好像确实如此!”他爬起来,蹲在那里,屁股挨着后脚跟,那是矿工们惯用的姿势。“并未发现明显的损坏。”克利福德发动引擎,然后挂上档。但轮椅纹丝没动。 "Run her a bit hard, like," suggested the keeper. “加大马力,试试怎么样。”守林人建议道。 Clifford resented the interference: but he made his engine buzz like a blue-bottle. Then she coughed and snarled and seemed to go better. 克利福德讨厌被人指挥,但他还是把马达弄得嗡嗡作响,活像只鼓噪的青蝇。她咳嗽了几声,接着咆哮起来,似乎有好转的趋势。 "Sounds as if she'd come clear," said Mellors. “听起来有门儿。”梅勒斯说。 But Clifford had already jerked her into gear. She gave a sick lurch and ebbed weakly forwards. 但克利福德已经迫不及待地挂上了挡。它左右摇摆着,有气无力地向前挪动着。 "If I give her a push, she'll do it," said the keeper, going behind. “我来推一把,她就会跑起来了。”守林人说着,来到轮椅后面。 "Keep off!" Snapped Clifford. "She'll do it by herself.” "But Clifford!" put in Connie from the bank, "you know it's too much for her. Why are you so obstinate!” Clifford was pale with anger. He jabbed at his levers. The chair gave a sort of scurry, reeled on a few more yards, and came to her end amid a particularly promising patch of bluebells. “住手!”克利福德呵斥着。“她自己会走!”“可克利福德!”站在坡上的康妮插话道,“你清楚轮椅根本做不到。干嘛还要这么固执!”克利福德气得脸煞白。他猛拉操纵杆。轮椅疾行数码,依旧摇摆着,最终在一簇极为茂盛的风铃草中停住不动。 "She's done!” Said the keeper. "Not power enough." "She's been up here before," said Clifford coldly. “没辙了!”守林人说。“马力不够。”“她以前能攀上这个坡。”克利福德冷冷地说。 "She won't do it this time," said the keeper. “可这次却做不到。”守林人说。 Clifford did not reply. He began doing things with his engine, running her fast and slow as if to get some sort of tune out of her. The wood re-echoed with weird noises. Then he put her in gear with a jerk, having jerked off his brake. 克利福德没有回应。他又开始拨弄起引擎来,弄得它时快时慢,好像要演奏出抑扬顿挫的曲调。怪异的噪声在树林中回响。接着,他又猛地挂上档,同时松开刹车。 "You'll rip her inside out," murmured the keeper. “你会把她的内脏扯出来的。”守林人喃喃地说。 The chair charged in a sick lurch sideways at the ditch. 轮椅迤逦歪斜,向路边的壕沟冲去。 "Clifford!" cried Connie, rushing forward. “克利福德!”康妮高喊着,冲上前去。 But the keeper had got the chair by the rail. Clifford, however, putting on all his pressure, managed to steer into the riding, and with a strange noise the chair was fighting the hill. Mellors pushed steadily behind, and up she went, as if to retrieve herself. 但守林人早已抢先一步,抓住轮椅的横栏。尽管如此,克利福德也倾尽全身力气,掉转轮椅回到马道上。如今,它正诡异地轰鸣着,向坡上爬去。梅勒斯步履稳健,在后面推着,轮椅向上进发,一副要挽回颜面的模样。 "You see, she's doing it!" said Clifford, victorious, glancing over his shoulder. “看吧,它干得多棒!”克利福德志得意满地说着,向身后瞥了一眼。 There he saw the keeper's face. 视线中出现的是守林人的面孔。 "Are you pushing her?" "She won't do it without.” "Leave her alone. I asked you not." "She won't do it.” "LET HER TRY!" snarled Clifford, with all his emphasis. “你一直在推吗?”“不推它动弹不得。”“别推了。我告诉过你别推。”“它做不到。”“让它试试看!”克利福德吼道,声嘶力竭。 The keeper stood back: then turned to fetch his coat and gun. The chair seemed to strangle immediately. She stood inert. Clifford, seated a prisoner, was white with vexation. He jerked at the levers with his hand, his feet were no good. He got queer noises out of her. In savage impatience he moved little handles and got more noises out of her. But she would not budge. No, she would not budge. He stopped the engine and sat rigid with anger. 守林人退后一步,转身去取自己的外套和猎枪。轮椅仿佛立即窒息而亡。停在那里动也不动。克利福德像困于其间的囚徒,又气又恼,脸色苍白。他拼命拉动着操纵杆,但双脚却帮不上任何忙。轮椅发出的怪叫传入他的耳膜。狂躁的克利福德使劲推动着手柄,但只是让怪叫声愈发猛烈。可她就是不肯挪动半步。不,她就是不肯挪动半步。他熄灭引擎,气鼓鼓地僵坐在那里。 Constance sat on the bank arid looked at the wretched and trampled bluebells. "Nothing quite so lovely as an English spring." "I can do my share of ruling." "What we need to take up now is whips, not swords." "The ruling classes!" The keeper strode up with his coat and gun, Flossie cautiously at his heels. Clifford asked the man to do something or other to the engine. Connie, who understood nothing at all of the technicalities of motors, and who had had experience of breakdowns, sat patiently on the bank as if she were a cipher. The keeper lay on his stomach again. The ruling classes and the serving classes! 康斯坦斯坐在路旁,望着惨遭蹂躏的风铃草。“任什么也不如英格兰的春天这般秀美。”“我能尽到统治者的本分。”“我们需要掌控的,是皮鞭,而非刀剑。”“统治阶级!”守林人拎着外衣和猎枪,阔步走上山坡,弗洛西小心地跟在身后。克利福德吩咐他再试试看能否修好引擎。康妮虽说对发动机的原理半点不知,但也曾尝过半路抛锚的苦涩,只是耐心地坐在路沿儿上,好像她并不存在。守林人又一次趴在地上。这就是统治阶级和服务阶级的差别! He got to his feet and said patiently: "Try her again, then." He spoke in a quiet voice, almost as if to a child. 他站起身来,耐心地劝诱着:“再来试试看吧。”他语调轻柔,几乎就像在哄孩子。 Clifford tried her, and Mellors stepped quickly behind and began to push. She was going, the engine doing about half the work, the man the rest. 克利福德再度发动引擎,梅勒斯快步退到后面,开始用手推。它再度启程,依靠引擎和人力的合作。 Clifford glanced round, yellow with anger. 克利福德回头发现真相,气得脸色蜡黄。 "Will you get off there!" “你给我滚远点!” The keeper dropped his hold at once, and Clifford added: "How shall I know what she is doing!" 守林人立刻松开双手,克利福德又吼道:“你多此一举,我怎么能知道她跑得怎么样!” The man put his gun down and began to pull on his coat. He'd done. 守林人放下猎枪,开始穿外套。他的任务已经结束。 The chair began slowly to run backwards. 轮椅开始慢慢向后倒退。 "Clifford, your brake!" cried Connie. “克利福德,快点刹车!”康妮喊道。 She, Mellors, and Clifford moved at once, Connie and the keeper jostling lightly. The chair stood. There was a moment of dead silence. 她,梅勒斯以及克利福德顿时慌乱起来,康妮和守林人轻轻地碰了一下。轮椅总算停住。四周瞬间陷入死寂。 "It's obvious I'm at everybody's mercy!" said Clifford. “看来我只能任人摆布了!”克利福德叹道。 He was yellow with anger. 他的脸色依然蜡黄。 No one answered. Mellors was slinging his gun over his shoulder, his face queer and expressionless, save for an abstracted look of patience. The dog Flossie, standing on guard almost between her master's legs, moved uneasily, eyeing the chair with great suspicion and dislike, and very much perplexed between the three human beings. The TABLEAU VIVANT remained set among the squashed bluebells, nobody proffering a word. 没人回应。梅勒斯把猎枪耷拉在肩头,神态怪异,面无表情,只是显得有些心不在焉,勉为其难。而猎犬弗洛西则几乎是站在主人两腿之间,局促不安地来回动着,双眼紧盯着轮椅,露出怀疑和厌恶的神色。它被三个人围在当中,显得很是困惑。风铃草东倒西歪,三个人又都默不作声,构成一幅生动的图景。 "I expect she'll have to be pushed," said Clifford at last, with an affectation of sang froid. “我想她还是需要推一把。”克利福德终于打破沉默,故作镇静地表态说。 No answer. Mellors'abstracted face looked as if he had heard nothing. Connie glanced anxiously at him. Clifford too glanced round. 没人回应。梅勒斯仍是那副漫不经心的表情,好像什么都没听到。康妮焦急地瞥了他一眼。克利福德也回头看了看。 "Do you mind pushing her home, Mellors!" he said in a cool superior tone. "I hope I have said nothing to offend you," he added, in a tone of dislike. “梅勒斯,你介意把轮椅推回家吗?”他的语调异常冷漠,盛气凌人。“希望我刚才说的话没冒犯到你。”他补充说,但显然是心有不甘。 "Nothing at all, Sir Clifford! Do you want me to push that chair?" "If you please." The man stepped up to it: but this time it was without effect. The brake was jammed. They poked and pulled, and the keeper took off his gun and his coat once more. And now Clifford said never a word. At last the keeper heaved the back of the chair off the ground and, with an instantaneous push of his foot, tried to loosen the wheels. He failed, the chair sank. Clifford was clutching the sides. The man gasped with the weight. “怎么会呢,克利福德爵士!您需要我推轮椅吗?”“劳你大驾。”守林人走到轮椅旁边,但这次却没能推动。刹车被卡住了。他们又是推,又是拉,守林人再次摘掉猎枪,脱去外衣。现在沉默不语的变成克利福德。最后,守林人把轮椅后端提离地面,猛踹一脚,想要把轮子踢松。这样做没有见效,轮椅重新落回地面。克利福德牢牢抓住轮椅两侧。守林人不堪重负,累得呼呼直喘。 "Don't do it!" cried Connie to him. “别那样!”康妮对他喊道。 "If you'll pull the wheel that way, so!" he said to her, showing her how. “要是你来那样拽一下轮子,就大功告成了!”他对她说,演示着要怎么做。 "No! You mustn't lift it! You'll strain yourself," she said, flushed now with anger. “不要!别再抬了!你会扭伤自己的。”她说,又气又急,脸涨得通红。 But he looked into her eyes and nodded. And she had to go and take hold of the wheel, ready. He heaved and she tugged, and the chair reeled. 但他凝视着她的眼睛,点头示意。她只好照他的话做,紧紧扶住轮椅,做好准备。他将轮椅提起,而她则使劲儿向前拖,轮椅终于晃动起来。 "For God's sake!" cried Clifford in terror. “多亏上帝保佑!”克利福德惊叫道。 But it was all right, and the brake was off. The keeper put a stone under the wheel, and went to sit on the bank, his heart beat and his face white with the effort, semi-conscious. 但轮椅终于恢复常态,刹车也松开了。守林人拿块石头垫在轮子后面,走到路旁坐下来。刚才一番折腾让他心脏狂跳,脸色苍白,头晕目眩。 Connie looked at him, and almost cried with anger. There was a pause and a dead silence. She saw his hands trembling on his thighs. 康妮看着他,气得几乎喊出声来。再度陷入沉默,空气仿佛凝滞。他的双手搁在大腿上,正瑟瑟发抖,这些她都看在眼里。 "Have you hurt yourself?" she asked, going to him. “你没受伤吧?”她走上前去,问道。 "No. No!" He turned away almost angrily. “没有。没有!”他背过脸去,略带怒意。 There was dead silence. The back of Clifford's fair head did not move. Even the dog stood motionless. The sky had clouded over. 沉默再度降临。克利福德金黄色的后脑勺并未转动。甚至连弗洛西也杵在原地没动。天空已被云层遮住。 At last he sighed, and blew his nose on his red handkerchief. 最后,他叹了口气,用红色手帕擤着鼻子。 "That pneumonia took a lot out of me," he said. “那场肺炎让我的体力大不如前。”他说。 No one answered. Connie calculated the amount of strength it must have taken to heave up that chair and the bulky Clifford: too much, far too much! If it hadn't killed him! 没人搭话。康妮估量着,要把轮椅和笨重的克利福德提起来,要花多大力气,太大了,大的不得了!但愿他不会因此丢掉性命! He rose, and again picked up his coat, slinging it through the handle of the chair. 他站起来,再次拿过外衣,搭在轮椅的扶手上。 "Are you ready, then, Sir Clifford?" "When you are!" “准备好了吗,克利福德爵士?”“就等你了!” He stooped and took out the scotch, then put his weight against the chair. He was paler than Connie had ever seen him: and more absent. Clifford was a heavy man: and the hill was steep. Connie stepped to the keeper's side. "I'm going to push too!" she said. 他俯身把石头拿开,用尽全力推动轮椅。康妮从未见他如此苍白,如此六神无主。克利福德本就沉重,山坡又那样陡峭。康妮走到守林人身旁。“我也来推!”她说。 And she began to shove with a woman's turbulent energy of anger. The chair went faster. Clifford looked round. 她奋力推着,调动起女人狂乱的愤怒的能量。轮椅前进得更快了。克利福德回头看看。 "Is that necessary?" he said. “有这个必要吗?”他问。 "Very! Do you want to kill the man! If you'd let the motor work while it would—” But she did not finish. She was already panting. She slackened off a little, for it was surprisingly hard work. “当然!你想要人家的命呀!如果你没把马达弄坏,情况就……”但她没有把话言明。她已经上气不接下气。她稍稍松了些劲儿,这确实是件重体力活。 ( 重要提示:如果书友们打不开t x t 8 0. c o m 老域名,可以通过访问t x t 8 0. c c 备用域名访问本站。 ) "Ay! slower!" said the man at her side, with a faint smile of his eyes. “是呀!慢点儿!”身旁的守林人提醒道,眼中含着淡淡的笑意。 "Are you sure you've not hurt yourself?" she said fiercely. “你确定没有伤到自己吗?”她急切地问道。 He shook his head. She looked at his smallish, short, alive hand, browned by the weather. It was the hand that caressed her. She had never even looked at it before. It seemed so still, like him, with a curious inward stillness that made her want to clutch it, as if she could not reach it. All her soul suddenly swept towards him: he was so silent, and out of reach! And he felt his limbs revive. Shoving with his left hand, he laid his right on her round white wrist, softly enfolding her wrist, with a caress. And the flame of strength went down his back and his loins, reviving him. And she bent suddenly and kissed his hand. Meanwhile the back of Clifford's head was held sleek and motionless, just in front of them. 他摇摇头。她留意着他的手,短小但却活跃,因风吹日晒早已变成褐色。正是这手抚摸过她。她之前从未如此端详过它。它像主人那般安静,有种奇妙的内敛与沉静,让她禁不住想紧握它,仿佛永远也无法触及。她整个的灵魂都扑在他的身上,他如此静默,如此遥不可及!而他则感觉四肢的力量渐渐恢复。他左手推着轮椅,右手则搭上她浑圆白皙的手腕,温柔地握着,抚弄着。力量的火焰顺着后背和胯下游走,他再度变得精力充沛。她蓦地弯下腰,亲吻着他的手背。与此同时,克利福德那光滑的后脑勺依然动也没动,直竖在两人前方。 At the top of the hill they rested, and Connie was glad to let go. She had had fugitive dreams of friendship between these two men: one her husband, the other the father of her child. Now she saw the screaming absurdity of her dreams. The two males were as hostile as fire and water. They mutually exterminated one another. And she realized for the first time what a queer subtle thing hate is. For the first time, she had consciously and definitely hated Clifford, with vivid hate: as if he ought to be obliterated from the face of the earth. And it was strange, how free and full of life it made her feel, to hate him and to admit it fully to herself.— "Now I've hated him, I shall never be able to go on living with him," came the thought into her mind. 他俩在坡顶歇了歇脚,能够松开双手,康妮很是开心。她曾经做着不切实际的美梦,幻象这两个男人能够友好相处,一个是自己的丈夫,另一个则是自己孩子的父亲。但现在,她深切地认识到,这梦想是多么地荒谬。这两个男人简直势同水火。他们恨不得置对方于死地。她初次体会到仇恨是种多么微妙的情感。她也初次认识到自己有多么憎恨克利福德,恨意深到巴不得他从地球表面消失。奇怪的是,这种恨意反倒让她觉得自己那样自由,那样充满活力,痛恨他,并且彻底承认自己的仇恨——“现在我已对他充满恨意,再也无法与他继续生活下去。”她心里这样想着。 On the level the keeper could push the chair alone. Clifford made a little conversation with her, to show his complete composure: about Aunt Eva, who was at Dieppe, and about Sir Malcolm, who had written to ask would Connie drive with him in his small car, to Venice, or would she and Hilda go by train. 来到平地上,守林人可以独自推动轮椅。克利福德有一茬没一茬地跟康妮闲聊,以显示自己早已完全冷静下来。他说到伊娃姑妈,她去了法国迪耶普港,聊起马尔科姆爵士,他写信来问康妮究竟打算如何去威尼斯,搭他的汽车,还是跟希尔达一道乘火车。 "I'd much rather go by train," said Connie. "I don't like long motor drives, especially when there's dust. But I shall see what Hilda wants.” "She will want to drive her own car, and take you with her," he said. “我更想坐火车。”康妮说。“我讨厌乘汽车长途跋涉,尤其是碰到尘土飞扬的天气。不过,我还是要看看希尔达的想法。”“她准想自己开车去,顺便捎着你。”他说。 "Probably!— I must help up here. You've no idea how heavy this chair is.” She went to the back of the chair, and plodded side by side with the keeper, shoving up the pink path. She did not care who saw. “很有可能!——我得去帮忙了。你可不晓得这轮椅有多重。”她来到轮椅后面,与守林人并肩而行,迈着沉重的脚步,将轮椅推上粉色的小径。她毫不在意谁会看到。 "Why not let me wait, and fetch Field? He is strong enough for the job," said Clifford. “干嘛不去把菲尔德叫来?我在这儿等会就行。他身体强壮,干这种活再合适不过。”克利福德提议道。 "It's so near," she panted. “很快就到了。”她气喘吁吁地说。 But both she and Mellors wiped the sweat from their faces when they came to the top. It was curious, but this bit of work together had brought them much closer than they had been before. "Thanks so much, Mellors," said Clifford, when they were at the house door. "I must get a different sort of motor, that's all. Won't you go to the kitchen and have a meal? It must be about time.” "Thank you, Sir Clifford. I was going to my mother for dinner today, Sunday." "As you like." Mellors slung into his coat, looked at Connie, saluted, and was gone. Connie, furious, went upstairs. 不过,抵达坡顶时,她和梅勒斯都已汗流满面。但很奇怪,此次通力协作将两人的距离拉得更近。“非常感谢你,梅勒斯。”三人来到屋门前时,克利福德说。“我只好再换台发动机了,除此之外,别无他法。去厨房吃点什么吧。差不多是开饭的时间了。”“谢谢,克利福德爵士。我要去母亲那里吃饭,今天是星期日。”“随你的便。”梅勒斯套上外衣,抬头看着康妮,行了个礼,转身离去。康妮气鼓鼓地上了楼。 At lunch she could not contain her feeling. 午餐时,她抑制不住自己的情绪。 "Why are you so abominably inconsiderate, Clifford?" she said to him. “克利福德,为什么你那么过分,根本不替他人着想?”康妮对他说。 "Of whom?" “不替谁着想?” "Of the keeper! If that is what you call ruling classes, I'm sorry for you.” "Why?" "A man who's been ill, and isn't strong! My word, if I were the serving classes, I'd let you wait for service. I'd let you whistle.” "I quite believe it." "If he'd been sitting in a chair with paralysed legs, and behaved as you behaved, what would you have done for him?” "My dear evangelist, this confusing of persons and personalities is in bad taste." "And your nasty, sterile want of common sympathy is in the worst taste imaginable. NOBLESSE OBLIGEN! You and your ruling class!" "And to what should it oblige me? To have a lot of unnecessary emotions about my game-keeper? I refuse. I leave it all to my evangelist.” "As if he weren't a man as much as you are, my word!” “守林人!如果这就是所谓统治阶级的所作所为,我真替你感到羞愧。”“为什么?”“他病体刚愈,还很虚弱!要是换成我做服务阶级,准会让你瞪眼等着。任你怎样呼叫。”“我完全相信你做得出来。”“如果他两腿残疾,坐在轮椅里,态度像你那般颐指气使,你会怎样对待他呢?”“我亲爱的传教士,将地位和性格迥然相异的人混为一谈,可是个糟糕的嗜好。”“可像你这样卑劣无耻,连最基本的同情心都没有,才是糟糕透顶,不可理喻的。位高而责重!你和你的统治阶级!”“我该负担怎样的责任呢?毫无必要地过分体恤自己雇的守林人?我不会这么做。这种事还是由传教士代劳为好。”“好像他跟你截然不同,根本不属于人类,天呢!” "My game-keeper to boot, and I pay him two pounds a week and give him a house.” "Pay him! What do you think you pay for, with two pounds a week and a house?" "His services." "Bah! I would tell you to keep your two pounds a week and your house." "Probably he would like to: but can't afford the luxury!” "You, and RULE!" she said. "You don't rule, don't flatter yourself. You have only got more than your share of the money, and make people work for you for two pounds a week, or threaten them with starvation. Rule! What do you give forth of rule? Why, you re dried up! You only bully with your money, like any Jew or any Schieber!” “总之,他是我雇的守林人,每周挣我两英镑,还住着我的房子。”“挣你的钱!依你看,你每周付给他两英镑,还给他房子住,为的到底是什么?”“只因他为我效劳。”“呸!我劝你还是省着每周那两英镑,留着那间房子吧。”“或许他也很想这么说,可只是舍不得放弃这份美差!”“你,还有你的统治!”她说。“你算什么统治者?别自吹自擂了。你只不过多几个臭钱,能每周付两英镑,差遣别人给你干活,或是以饿死相要挟。统治!你的统治带来了什么好处?怎么,没话说了吧?你只不过依仗着有钱,就恣意胡为,这种行径跟犹太人和德国佬有什么不同?” "You are very elegant in your speech, Lady Chatterley!" "I assure you, you were very elegant altogether out there in the wood. I was utterly ashamed of you. Why, my father is ten times the human being you are: you GENTLEMAN!” He reached and rang the bell for Mrs. Bolton. But he was yellow at the gills. “这番演说真是精彩绝伦,查泰莱夫人!”“我敢担保,你在林中的演讲才算得上绝妙呢。我真替你害臊。哎呀,说到待人以善,我父亲比你胜强十倍,你这位高贵的绅士!”他按铃召唤博尔顿太太。可两颊已经气得蜡黄。 She went up to her room, furious, saying to herself: "Him and buying people! Well, he doesn't buy me, and therefore there's no need for me to stay with him. Dead fish of a gentleman, with his celluloid soul! And how they take one in, with their manners and their mock wistfulness and gentleness. They've got about as much feeling as celluloid has.” She made her plans for the night, and determined to get Clifford off her mind. She didn't want to hate him. She didn't want to be mixed up very intimately with him in any sort of feeling. She wanted him not to know anything at all about herself: and especially, not to know anything about her feeling for the keeper. This squabble of her attitude to the servants was an old one. He found her too familiar, she found him stupidly insentient, tough and indiarubbery where other people were concerned. 她火冒三丈,上楼回到房间,嘴里还念叨着:“那家伙,只知道用钱买人!幸亏,他没有买下我,所以我也没有义务跟他继续过下去。死鱼般的绅士,明胶做成的灵魂!他们最擅长的就是行骗,装出温文尔雅、多愁善感、和蔼可亲的样子。他们跟明胶没什么不同,根本没有任何感情。”她谋划着晚上如何出去,决定将克利福德抛诸脑后。她并不想恨他。她不想在感情上跟他有任何瓜葛。她不想他知晓自己的事情,尤其是自己对守林人的感情。因为她对待仆从的态度,两人早就争吵过多次。他觉得她太容易亲近,她认为他对其他人过于无情,麻木不仁地就像块橡胶。 She went downstairs calmly, with her old demure bearing, at dinner-time. He was still yellow at the gills: in for one of his liver bouts, when he was really very queer.— He was reading a French book. 晚餐时间已到,她气定神闲地走下楼来,保持着旧日端庄娴静的仪态。而他两腮的颜色依然没有改变,他的确很不舒服时,就势必遭受肝火的折磨——他正在读一本法语书。 "Have you ever read Proust?" he asked her. “你读过普鲁斯特(注:1871-1922,法国作家)的作品吗?”他问道。 "I've tried, but he bores me.” "He's really very extraordinary.” "Possibly! But he bores me: all that sophistication! He doesn't have feelings, he only has streams of words about feelings. I'm tired of self-important mentalities.” "Would you prefer self-important animalities?” "Perhaps! But one might possibly get something that wasn't self-important.” "Well, I like Proust's subtlety and his well-bred anarchy.” "It makes you very dead, really." "There speaks my evangelical little wife." They were at it again, at it again! But she couldn't help fighting him. He seemed to sit there like a skeleton, sending out a skeleton's cold grizzly will against her. Almost she could feel the skeleton clutching her and pressing her to its cage of ribs. He too was really up in arms: and she was a little afraid of him. “读过,可实在太无趣了。”“他的确非常优秀。”“可能吧!但却让我感到很沉闷,通篇都是强词夺理的语句!他的作品缺乏感情色彩,只是将描写感情的语句堆叠起来。我受够了这种妄自尊大的心态。”“你宁愿选择自以为是的兽性?”“或许吧!还是要点不那么自以为是的东西好。”“呵,普鲁斯特的作品充满微妙的情感,以及高雅的无政府主义情结,我欣赏的正是这些。”“那会让你变得死气沉沉,此话当真。”“我的小传教士夫人又开始讲道了。”他俩再度开始争吵,吵个没完没了!但她就是忍不住,非要跟他争辩。他坐在那里,就像具骷髅,向她发出骷髅冰冷阴郁的意志。她觉得这骷髅快要将她攫住,塞进自己肋骨间的空洞里。他也摆出应战的架势,而她还真惧他三分。 She went upstairs as soon as possible, and went to bed quite early. But at half past nine she got up, and went outside to listen. There was no sound. She slipped on a dressing-gown and went downstairs. Clifford and Mrs. Bolton were playing cards, gambling. They would probably go on until midnight. 她抽冷子脱了身,返回楼上,早早就上床休息。可九点半的时候,她悄悄起身,踱到房间外面,听着动静。声息皆无。她穿好睡衣,轻手轻脚地下了楼。克利福德和博尔顿太太正在赌牌。他俩可能要继续到午夜时分。 Connie returned to her room, threw her pyjamas on the tossed bed, put on a thin tennis-dress and over that a woollen day-dress, put on rubber tennis-shoes, and then a light coat. And she was ready. If she met anybody, she was just going out for a few minutes. And in the morning, when she came in again, she would just have been for a little walk in the dew, as she fairly often did before breakfast. For the rest, the only danger was that someone should go into her room during the night. But that was most unlikely: not one chance in a hundred. 康妮回到卧室,把睡衣丢在床上,穿上一件单薄的网球裙,外面套着毛料长裙,蹬上胶底网球鞋,然后披上风衣。她已经做好准备。要是遇到什么人,就说要出去遛个弯。若早晨回来的时候被发现,就说刚刚趁着朝露散步回来,她早餐前经常如此。至于其他的,唯一的危险就是有人半夜来她的房间。但这根本就不可能,连百分之一的可能性都没有。 Betts had not locked up. He fastened up the house at ten o'clock, and unfastened it again at seven in the morning. She slipped out silently and unseen. There was a half-moon shining, enough to make a little light in the world, not enough to show her up in her dark-grey coat. She walked quickly across the park, not really in the thrill of the assignation, but with a certain anger and rebellion burning in her heart. It was not the right sort of heart to take to a love-meeting. But À La Guerre Comme À La Guerre! 贝茨还没锁好门。他通常十点锁门,清晨七点再打开。她蹑足潜踪,溜出家门,没被任何人发现。弯月闪烁着银光,足以令世界微明,但却不会暴露身穿深灰色外套的她。她快步穿过园林,内心并未感到幽会的兴奋之情,反而燃烧着愤怒与反抗的火焰。这种心情并不适于前去偷情。但是只有尽其所能了! 第十四章 When she got near the park-gate, she heard the click of the latch. He was there, then, in the darkness of the wood, and had seen her! 园林大门出现在眼前时,门闩的咔嗒声她已经听见了。这样说来,他已经等在那里,在阴暗的树林里,而且已经看到她! "You are good and early," he said out of the dark. "Was everything all right?" "Perfectly easy." He shut the gate quietly after her, and made a spot of light on the dark ground, showing the pallid flowers still standing there open in the night. They went on apart, in silence. “你来得还挺早。”他在黑影中说。“一切都还顺利吗?”“轻而易举。”她跨出门去,他轻轻将其合上,用手电筒照亮漆黑的路面,照亮暗夜里依然绽放着的苍白花朵。两人都不做声,彼此并未靠得太近。 "Are you sure you didn't hurt yourself this morning with that chair?" she asked. “今早抬轮椅的时候,你真的没有受伤吗?”她关切地问。 "No, no!" "When you had that pneumonia, what did it do to you?" "Oh nothing! it left my heart not so strong and the lungs not so elastic. But it always does that." "And you ought not to make violent physical efforts?" "Not often." She plodded on in an angry silence. “不,没有!”“你什么时候得过肺炎?那场病留下了什么病根吗?”“噢,没什么!我的心脏不像以往那么有力,肺活量也大不如前。但肺炎总会留下这样的后遗症。”“那么说,你不应该做剧烈运动?”“不能太频繁。”她气满胸膛,默默不语,缓步向前。 "Did you hate Clifford?" She said at last. “你恨克利福德吗?”她终于提出心中的疑问。 "Hate him, no! I've met too many like him to upset myself hating him. I know beforehand I don't care for his sort, and I let it go at that.” "What is his sort?" "Nay, you know better than I do. The sort of youngish gentleman a bit like a lady, and no balls." "What balls?" "Balls! A man's balls!” She pondered this. “恨他,不!他这种人我见得太多,恨他只会让自己苦恼。我早知道自己不屑跟这种人计较,所以就随他去吧。”“他是哪种人?”“唉,你比我更了解他。年纪轻轻的纨绔子弟,活像个娘们,没有懒子。”“什么懒子?”“懒子!男人的懒子!”她思忖着他的话。 "But is it a question of that?" She said, a little annoyed. “这是问题的关键吗?”她问,心烦意乱。 "You say a man's got no brain, when he's a fool: and no heart, when he's mean; and no stomach when he's a funker. And when he's got none of that spunky wild bit of a man in him, you say he's got no balls. When he's a sort of tame.” She pondered this. “人要是愚蠢,就说他没脑子;要是卑鄙,就说他没心肝;要是怯懦,就说他没胆子。要是没点男子汉气概,就说他没懒子。是个窝囊废。”她再度陷入沉思。 "And is Clifford tame?" She asked. “克利福德窝囊吗?”她问。 "Tame, and nasty with it: like most such fellows, when you come up against "em." "And do you think you're not tame?” "Maybe not quite!" At length she saw in the distance a yellow light. “窝囊,而且下流无耻,这类人大多如此,尤其是遭遇针锋相对的局面。”“那你觉得自己不窝囊吗?”“或许不太算!”她望见远处亮着一点昏黄的灯光。 She stood still. 她停住脚步。 "There is a light!" She said. “有灯光!”她说。 "I always leave a light in the house," he said. “我总在家里留盏灯。”他解释道。 She went on again at his side, but not touching him, wondering why she was going with him at all. 她继续与他并肩而行,但却没有碰到他的身体,心里诧异着自己为什么要和他一起走着。 He unlocked, and they went in, he bolting the door behind them. As if it were a prison, she thought! The kettle was singing by the red fire, there were cups on the table. 他打开门,两人进屋后,他又把门闩扣紧。她心里暗想,这跟置身监狱有什么两样!红色的炉火上,水壶正在唱着,桌上摆着茶杯。 She sat in the wooden arm-chair by the fire. It was warm after the chill outside. 她靠着炉火,坐在木制的扶手椅上。体验过屋外的寒意,感觉这里无比温暖。 "I'll take off my shoes, they are wet," she said. “我要脱掉鞋子,都湿了。”她说。 She sat with her stockinged feet on the bright steel fender. He went to the pantry, bringing food: bread and butter and pressed tongue. She was warm: she took off her coat. He hung it on the door. 她两脚只穿着长袜,搭在明亮的铁制围栏上。他去了趟食品间,拿回不少吃的,有面包、黄油以及压缩口条。她感觉有点热,就脱掉了外衣。他帮她挂在门上。 "Shall you have cocoa or tea or coffee to drink?" He asked. “你喝可可、茶还是咖啡?”他问。 "I don't think I want anything," she said, looking at the table. "But you eat." "Nay, I don't care about it. I'll just feed the dog.” He tramped with a quiet inevitability over the brick floor, putting food for the dog in a brown bowl. The spaniel looked up at him anxiously. “我什么也不想喝。”她说着,往桌上看看。“你自己吃吧。”“不,我也不打算吃。只是要喂喂狗。”他迈着坚实的步伐,从砖地上走过,脸上露出从容不迫的安然神态,把食物放在一只褐色的碗里。那只猎犬抬头望着主人,显得急不可耐。 "Ay, this is thy supper, tha nedna look as if tha wouldna get it!" He said. “是呀,这是恁的晚餐,甭摆出没饭吃的可怜相。”他说。 He set the bowl on the stairfoot mat, and sat himself on a chair by the wall, to take off his leggings and boots. The dog instead of eating, came to him again, and sat looking up at him, troubled. 他把碗搁在楼梯角的垫子上,自己在靠墙的椅子上坐下来,准备解开绑腿,脱掉长靴。猎犬非但没吃食,反而跑到主人身边蹲下,抬头望着他,显得很不安。 He slowly unbuckled his leggings. The dog edged a little nearer. 他慢条斯理地解开绑腿的排扣。猎犬又往前凑了凑。 "What's amiss wi' thee then? Art upset because there's somebody else here? Tha'rt a female, tha art! Go an' eat thy supper.” He put his hand on her head, and the bitch leaned her head sideways against him. He slowly, softly pulled the long silky ear. “怎么回事?来个生人,就怕成那样?母的就是这副德行!赶紧吃恁的晚饭去吧。”他把手搁在它的头上,弗洛西侧着脑袋依靠着主人。他扯弄着它柔滑的长耳朵,动作缓慢而温柔。 "There!" He said. "There! Go an' eat thy supper! Go!” He tilted his chair towards the pot on the mat, and the dog meekly went, and fell to eating. “去吧!”他说。“去吧!去吃恁的晚饭!快点!”他把椅子往垫子的方向倾斜,猎犬乖乖领命,跑下楼梯吃起食来。 "Do you like dogs?" Connie asked him. “你喜欢狗吗?”康妮问他。 "No, not really. They're too tame and clinging.” He had taken off his leggings and was unlacing his heavy boots. Connie had turned from the fire. How bare the little room was! Yet over his head on the wall hung a hideous enlarged photograph of a young married couple, apparently him and a bold-faced young woman, no doubt his wife. “不,不太喜欢。狗的性格太柔顺,总是缠着人不放。”他已经脱去绑腿,正在解那双笨重的长靴。康妮此刻背对着炉火。这间小屋确实简陋!但他头顶墙上挂着的大幅结婚照却格外扎眼,那对年轻的新人分明是他和一个长相轻挑的女子,而那无疑就是他的妻子。 "Is that you?" Connie asked him. “那是你吗?”康妮问。 He twisted and looked at the enlargement above his head. 他扭头看着头顶的大幅照片。 "Ay! Taken just afore we was married, when I was twenty-one.” He looked at it impassively. “是呀!俺俩临结婚的时候照的,那阵子我21岁。”他望向结婚照的目光极其冷漠。 "Do you like it?" Connie asked him. “你喜欢它吗?”康妮问。 "Like it? No! I never liked the thing. But she fixed it all up to have it done, like." He returned to pulling off his boots. “喜欢?不!我从不会喜欢这劳什子。可她安排好一切,俺也只得随着去照。”他转过脸,继续脱靴子。 "If you don't like it, why do you keep it hanging there? Perhaps your wife would like to have it," she said. “不喜欢的话,干嘛还挂在这儿?或许你妻子还想要呢。”她说。 He looked up at her with a sudden grin. 他霍得抬头看着她,咧嘴笑起来。 "She carted off iverything as was worth taking from th' 'ouse," he said. "But she left THAT!" “她走的时候,把家里所有值钱的东西席卷一空。”他说。“可只留下了那张照片!” "Then why do you keep it? For sentimental reasons?" "Nay, I niver look at it. I hardly knowed it wor theer. It's bin theer sin' we come to this place.” "Why don't you burn it?” She said. “那你为什么还留着它呢?因为难以忘情?”“才不是呢,俺从不正眼瞧它。几乎都忘记它还挂在那儿。自打俺俩在这里住下,它就挂在那儿。”“干嘛不烧了它?”她提议道。 He twisted round again and looked at the enlarged photograph. It was framed in a brown-and-gilt frame, hideous. It showed a clean-shaven, alert, very young-looking man in a rather high collar, and a somewhat plump, bold young woman with hair fluffed out and crimped, and wearing a dark satin blouse. 他又转过头,盯着那副大照片。它镶嵌在褐金相间的相框里,看着就让人反胃。照片里的新郎胡子剃得溜光,目光机警,模样颇为年轻,领子竖得很高。而新娘则长相泼辣,体型稍显臃肿,满头卷发乱蓬蓬的,穿深色缎料上衣。 "It wouldn't be a bad idea, would it?” He said. “是个好主意。”他说。 He had pulled off his boots, and put on a pair of slippers. He stood up on the chair, and lifted down the photograph. It left a big pale place on the greenish wall-paper. 他已经脱去长靴,蹬上拖鞋。他站到椅子上,取下照片。浅绿色的壁纸间,留下一大块空白。 "No use dusting it now," he said, setting the thing against the wall. “现在省得掸灰尘了。”他说着,把相框倚墙放下。 He went to the scullery, and returned with hammer and pincers. Sitting where he had sat before, he started to tear off the back-paper from the big frame, and to pull out the sprigs that held the backboard in position, working with the immediate quiet absorption that was characteristic of him. 他去洗碗池那边,拿回锤子和钳子。他在先前的地方坐下,先把镜框背面的纸撕掉,然后将固定后挡板的图钉拔出,整个过程始终全神贯注,沉静安详,那是他所特有的神态。 He soon had the nails out: then he pulled out the backboards, then the enlargement itself, in its solid white mount. He looked at the photograph with amusement. 他很快将所有钉子拔完,然后取下后挡板,接着把照片从结实的白色衬纸中拿出来。他饶有兴致地看着自己的结婚照。 "Shows me for what I was, a young curate, and her for what she was, a bully," he said. "The prig and the bully!" "Let me look!" Said Connie. “让我想起自己当年的模样,像个年轻有为的牧师,而她那时候就是个地道的悍妇。”他说。“圣徒与泼妇!”“让我看看!”康妮说。 He did look indeed very clean-shaven and very clean altogether, one of the clean young men of twenty years ago. But even in the photograph his eyes were alert and dauntless. And the woman was not altogether a bully, though her jowl was heavy. There was a touch of appeal in her. 20年前的他确实未曾蓄须,干净利落,是位体态匀称的小伙子。但即便是在照片上,他的双眸依然显得机智敏锐,勇敢无畏。而那女人尽管下颚宽厚,但却并无悍妇模样。反倒有种特殊的魅力。 "One never should keep these things," said Connie. "That one shouldn't! One should never have them made!” He broke the cardboard photograph and mount over his knee, and when it was small enough, put it on the fire. “没必要留着这种东西。”康妮说。“确实不该留!照都不该照!”他撕扯着硬纸板做成的照片,堆在膝盖上,直到彻底变成碎片,就将其投入炉火中。 "It'll spoil the fire though," he said. “简直是对火焰的糟蹋。”他说。 The glass and the backboard he carefully took upstairs. 他小心翼翼地把玻璃和后挡板拿到楼上去收好。 The frame he knocked asunder with a few blows of the hammer, making the stucco fly. Then he took the pieces into the scullery. 相框被他几锤砸得粉碎,灰泥扬起,到处乱飞。接着,他将碎片丢到洗涤间。 "We'll burn that tomorrow," he said. "There's too much plaster-moulding on it.” Having cleared away, he sat down. “那些明天再烧。”他说。“上面抹了太多灰泥。”清理干净后,他重新坐了下来。 "Did you love your wife?" she asked him. “你爱你的妻子吗?”她问他。 "Love?" He said. "Did you love Sir Clifford?" But she was not going to be put off. “爱?”他反问道。“那你爱克利福德爵士吗?”但她不想被搪塞过去。 "But you cared for her?" She insisted. “可你还挂念她吧?”她追问道。 "Cared?" He grinned. “挂念?”他苦笑着。 "Perhaps you care for her now," she said. “或许你现在还挂念着她。”她说。 "Me!" His eyes widened. "Ah no, I can't think of her," he said quietly. “我?”他瞪大眼睛。“噢,不,我从不会想起她。”他轻声说。 "Why?" But he shook his head. “为什么?”但他摇头不愿作答。 "Then why don't you get a divorce? She'll come back to you one day," said Connie. “既然这样,你干嘛不离婚?她终有一天会回到你身边。”康妮说。 He looked up at her sharply. 他抬头望着她,目光锐利。 "She wouldn't come within a mile of me. She hates me a lot worse than I hate her.” "You'll see she'll come back to you.” "That she never will. That's done! It would make me sick to see her.” "You will see her. And you're not even legally separated, are you?” "No." "Ah well, then she'll come back, and you'll have to take her in.” He gazed at Connie fixedly. Then he gave the queer toss of his head. “她根本就不会想回来。她对我的恨甚至更深。”“等着瞧吧,她终归会回来找你的。”“她绝对不会。毫无疑问!看到她我就觉得恶心。”“你还是会见到她。你们并没有依法办理离婚手续,对吗?”“没有。”“那么,如果她回心转意,你就必须收留她。”他目不转睛地盯着康妮。然后,他点点头,动作有些怪异。 "You might be right. I was a fool ever to come back here. But I felt stranded and had to go somewhere. A man's a poor bit of a wastrel blown about. But you're right. I'll get a divorce and get clear. I hate those things like death, officials and courts and judges. But I've got to get through with it. I'll get a divorce.” And she saw his jaw set. Inwardly she exulted. "I think I will have a cup of tea now," she said. He rose to make it. But his face was set. As they sat at table she asked him: "Why did you marry her? She was commoner than yourself. Mrs. Bolton told me about her. She could never understand why you married her." He looked at her fixedly. “你或许是对的。回到特弗沙尔是个愚蠢的决定。但我当时走投无路,总要找个容身之所。堂堂男子汉总不能四处流浪。但你说得没错。我会去办理离婚,跟她做个了断。我对那种事深恶痛绝,政府官员啦,法庭啦,法官啦……可我还是会完成这项使命。去把婚离了。”康妮眼见他紧咬牙关。内心禁不住狂喜。“我现在想来杯茶。”她说。他站起来为她沏茶。但脸上的表情依然坚决。两人在桌边落座,她问他:“你为何会娶她?她根本配不上你。博尔顿太太跟我讲过她的事。她弄不懂你干嘛要娶她。”他目光不错地看着她。 "I'll tell you," he said. "The first girl I had, I began with when I was sixteen. She was a school-master's daughter over at Ollerton, pretty, beautiful really. I was supposed to be a clever sort of young fellow from Sheffield Grammar School, with a bit of French and German, very much up aloft. She was the romantic sort that hated commonness. She egged me on to poetry and reading: in a way, she made a man of me. I read and I thought like a house on fire, for her. And I was a clerk in Butterley offices, thin, white-faced fellow fuming with all the things I read. And about EVERYTHING I talked to her: but everything. We talked ourselves into Persepolis and Timbuctoo. We were the most literary-cultured couple in ten counties. I held forth with rapture to her, positively with rapture. I simply went up in smoke. And she adored me. The serpent in the grass was sex. She somehow didn't have any; at least, not where it's supposed to be. I got thinner and crazier. Then I said we'd got to be lovers. I talked her into it, as usual. So she let me. I was excited, and she never wanted it. She just didn't want it. She adored me, she loved me to talk to her and kiss her: in that way she had a passion for me. But the other, she just didn't want. And there are lots of women like her. And it was just the other that I did want. So there we split. I was cruel, and left her. Then I took on with another girl, a teacher, who had made a scandal by carrying on with a married man and driving him nearly out of his mind. She was a soft, white-skinned, soft sort of a woman, older than me, and played the fiddle. And she was a demon. She loved everything about love, except the sex. Clinging, caressing, creeping into you in every way: but if you forced her to the sex itself, she just ground her teeth and sent out hate. I forced her to it, and she could simply numb me with hate because of it. So I was balked again. I loathed all that. I wanted a woman who wanted me, and wanted IT. “我会原原本本地跟你讲。”他说。“我初恋时只有16岁。她父亲是位奥勒顿某间学校的校长,她长相很标致,甚至可以算是美女。当时我刚从谢菲尔德语法学校毕业,对法语和德语稍有涉猎,大家都认为我年轻有为,而我也自视甚高。她天性浪漫,厌倦庸庸碌碌的生活。她鼓励我努力读书,钻研诗歌,从某种程度来讲,是她造就了今天的我。为了她,我发奋读书,全心投入。当时我在巴特利事务所任职,身材瘦削,面容白皙,沉浸在自己阅读的作品中。我俩无话不谈。从波斯古城波利波利斯,聊到西非名城廷巴克图。十乡八镇再也找不出我们这样文学素养高深的情侣。我跟她交谈起来,总是滔滔不绝,欣喜若狂,绝对是如痴如醉。我简直飘飘欲仙了。她对我崇拜得五体投地。但隐藏在草丛中的毒蛇是性爱。她算不上性感,至少并非前凸后翘。我日益消瘦,日渐疯狂。后来我对她说,我们应该成为情人。像以往一样,我顺利地说服了她。于是,她委身于我。我兴奋异常,她却意兴阑珊。她觉得性事索然无味。她仰慕我,喜欢听我说东道西,喜欢我吻她,如此说来,她深爱着我。但除此之外,她却没有半点兴趣。像她这样的女人不在少数。但令我向往的恰恰是其他的事情。因此,我俩之间产生了裂痕。我残忍地抛弃了她。之后,我搞上另外一个女孩,是位教师,曾有过一段风流韵事,跟个有妇之夫纠缠不清,差点把那个男人逼疯。她性情温柔,皮肤白嫩,年纪比我大,还会拉小提琴。她简直是个妖精。恋爱的种种,她都情有独钟,只是对性事敬而远之。拥抱,爱抚,想尽方法跟你调情,但若要强行与她做爱,她就会咬碎银牙,出离愤怒。我逼她成其好事,而她那厌恶的表情让我兴致全消。于是,这段恋情再度告终。我讨厌这种有情无性的关系。我要的是既能接纳我,又乐于性事的女人。” "Then came Bertha Coutts. They'd lived next door to us when I was a little lad, so I knew "em all right. And they were common. Well, Bertha went away to some place or other in Birmingham; she said, as a lady's companion; everybody else said, as a waitress or something in a hotel. Anyhow just when I was more than fed up with that other girl, when I was twenty-one, back comes Bertha, with airs and graces and smart clothes and a sort of bloom on her: a sort of sensual bloom that you'd see sometimes on a woman, or on a trolly. Well, I was in a state of murder. I chucked up my job at Butterley because I thought I was a weed, clerking there: and I got on as overhead blacksmith at Tevershall: shoeing horses mostly. It had been my dad's job, and I'd always been with him. It was a job I liked: handling horses: and it came natural to me. So I stopped talking "fine", as they call it, talking proper English, and went back to talking broad. I still read books, at home: but I blacksmithed and had a pony-trap of my own, and was My Lord Duckfoot. My dad left me three hundred pounds when he died. So I took on with Bertha, and I was glad she was common. I wanted her to be common. I wanted to be common myself. Well, I married her, and she wasn't bad. Those other "pure" women had nearly taken all the balls out of me, but she was all right that way. She wanted me, and made no bones about it. And I was as pleased as punch. That was what I wanted: a woman who WANTED me to fuck her. So I fucked her like a good un. And I think she despised me a bit, for being so pleased about it, and bringin' her her breakfast in bed sometimes. She sort of let things go, didn't get me a proper dinner when I came home from work, and if I said anything, flew out at me. And I flew back, hammer and tongs. She flung a cup at me and I took her by the scruff of the neck and squeezed the life out of her. That sort of thing! But she treated me with insolence. And she got so's she'd never have me when I wanted her: never. Always put me off, brutal as you like. And then when she'd put me right off, and I didn't want her, she'd come all lovey-dovey, and get me. And I always went. But when I had her, she'd never come off when I did. Never! She'd just wait. If I kept back for half an hour, she'd keep back longer. And when I'd come and really finished, then she'd start on her own account, and I had to stop inside her till she brought herself off, wriggling and shouting, she'd clutch clutch with herself down there, an' then she'd come off, fair in ecstasy. And then she'd say: That was lovely! Gradually I got sick of it: and she got worse. She sort of got harder and harder to bring off, and she'd sort of tear at me down there, as if it was a beak tearing at me. By God, you think a woman's soft down there, like a fig. But I tell you the old rampers have beaks between their legs, and they tear at you with it till you're sick. Self! Self! Self! All self! Tearing and shouting! They talk about men's selfishness, but I doubt if it can ever touch a woman's blind beakishness, once she's gone that way. Like an old trull! And she couldn't help it. I told her about it, I told her how I hated it. And she'd even try. She'd try to lie still and let me work the business. She'd try. But it was no good. She got no feeling off it, from my working. She had to work the thing herself, grind her own coffee. And it came back on her like a raving necessity, she had to let herself go, and tear, tear, tear, as if she had no sensation in her except in the top of her beak, the very outside top tip, that rubbed and tore. That's how old whores used to be, so men used to say. It was a low kind of self-will in her, a raving sort of self-will: like in a woman who drinks. Well in the end I couldn't stand it. We slept apart. She herself had started it, in her bouts when she wanted to be clear of me, when she said I bossed her. She had started having a room for herself. But the time came when I wouldn't have her coming to my room. I wouldn't. “这时,贝莎·库茨登场了。童年时代,她就住在我家隔壁,彼此十分熟悉。她家人都庸俗不堪。哦,贝莎自称陪同某位贵妇,去了伯明翰的什么地方;但所有人都清楚,她不过在某家旅店做侍应生什么的。总之,我当年21岁,正烦透了第二任女友,这时,贝莎荣归故里,丰姿绰约,仪态万千,衣着华贵,光彩照人。那种感官的愉悦,有时能在女人身上找到,有时则来自某辆崭新的电车。我当时简直生不如死。我辞掉巴特利的工作,因为不想做个微不足道的小职员,回到特弗沙尔做起井上铁匠,多数时间负责钉马掌。那是我父亲的老本行,而当年我总喜欢和他呆在一起。我中意那份差事,愿意料理马,因为这符合我的天性。于是,我不再“咬文嚼字”,大家都这么说,不再讲标准英语,重新操起本地土话。我仍会读书,在家里读。但还继续着铁匠生涯,还混上辆轻型马车,我叫它“达克福德勋爵”。父亲去世时,留给我300英镑。所以,我将贝莎泡到手,我喜欢她那股俗劲儿。我希望她俗到骨子里。也希望自己变得跟她一样。呵,我甚至娶她过门,她并不那么差劲。那些“纯洁”的女人几乎把我的懒子废掉,而她在那方面却令人满意。她想要我,而且从不掩饰自己的欲望。这让我心满意足。这就是我需要的:一个渴望性爱的女人。于是,我就尽量满足她的欲望。我乐此不疲,有时甚至把早餐都给她端到床上,因此,她有些瞧不起我。她简直像个甩手掌柜,我放工回到家,根本连顿像样的晚餐都吃不上。要是我稍有怨言,她就会破口大骂。我也反唇相讥,跟她闹个不可开交。她朝我扔茶杯,我便掐住她的脖颈,几乎将她扼死。此类事情屡见不鲜!可她总是蛮横地对待我。每当我向她求欢,总会遭到拒绝,吃到闭门羹。她想尽方法敷衍我,极尽残忍之能事。后来,因为屡屡被搪塞,我兴致全无,她却变得情意绵绵,主动向我示好。而我总是做出让步。可云雨之时,她从不愿与我共享高潮。从未有过!她只是干耗着。要是我能挺过半小时,她就会挺得更久。我彻底完事之后,她才开始弄自己的,身体扭动着,嘴里淫叫着,而我还得硬挺着等她达到高潮。她的下身夹紧再夹紧,最终攀上欢愉的巅峰。云收雨住后,她会感慨道:简直太爽了!我逐渐厌倦了这种畸形的性爱,而她却变本加厉。她高潮时的动作越来越猛,拼命用下身撕扯我,如同生着锋利的鸟喙。天呢,你或许认为,女人的下体柔软得像颗无花果。可我要告诉你,那些老娼妇两腿之间都长着铁嘴,会没完没了地撕扯你,直到你忍无可忍。自己!自己!自己!只有自己!撕扯着,叫喊着!她们总怨男人自私,可是,若碰到这种疯狂撕扯为能事的荡妇,男人只能自愧不如。简直像个老妓女!而她也是欲罢不能。我曾经跟她谈过此事,告诉她我多么讨厌这样。她甚至也尝试过改变。她试着静静躺在床上,任我驰骋。她确实试过。但却毫无用处。我无法让她体验到任何快感。她只能自己满足自己,自己的咖啡自己磨。就这样,她又回到以往那种近似于癫狂的状态,放纵自己,撕扯,撕扯,再撕扯,好像除了喙尖之外,全身上下都已失去知觉,只有通过拼命的摩擦和撕扯,那里才会体验到快感。人们常说,久混欢场的女子都是如此。她恣意妄为的性格是那样的卑贱和疯癫,跟醉生梦死的酗酒者没什么两样。到最后,我终于忍无可忍。我俩分床睡。事情因她而起,她发起脾气,想我从视线中消失,她说我欺负她。她不再与我同房。后来,我也不再让她进我的房间。再也不想跟她有任何关联。” "I hated it. And she hated me. My God, how she hated me before that child was born! I often think she conceived it out of hate. Anyhow, after the child was born I left her alone. And then came the war, and I joined up. And I didn't come back till I knew she was with that fellow at Stacks Gate. “我恨这一切。她却埋怨我。上帝啊,孩子出生之前,她对我的恨简直比海还深。我常想,这孩子是不是她跟仇恨生的。不管怎样,孩子出生后,我便不再理睬她。接着,大战爆发,我就入了伍。直到听说她跟了个斯塔克斯门的家伙,我才回到特弗沙尔。” He broke off, pale in the face. 他稍作停顿,脸早已失去血色。 "And what is the man at Stacks Gate like?" Asked Connie. “斯塔克斯门的那个男人长什么样?”康妮问。 "A big baby sort of fellow, very low-mouthed. She bullies him, and they both drink.” "My word, if she came back!" "My God, yes! I should just go, disappear again." There was a silence. The pasteboard in the fire had turned to grey ash. “像个大男孩,满嘴脏话。她对他任意欺凌,两人还都酗酒。”“天呢,要是她回来怎么办!”“上帝,是啊!那我就赶紧溜走,销声匿迹。”两人都陷入沉默。炉火中的照片已经燃尽,变成灰色的粉末。 "So when you did get a woman who wanted you," said Connie, "you got a bit too much of a good thing." "Ay! Seems so! Yet even then I'd rather have her than the never-never ones: the white love of my youth, and that other poison-smelling lily, and the rest.” "What about the rest?" Said Connie. “这么说,你得到乐于性事的女人之后,自己却又有过犹不及的感觉。”康妮说。“唉!似乎确实如此!但若时光倒流,我还是会选择她,而不是那些自命清高的女人:我年轻时候的纯洁爱侣,闻闻便会中毒的百合花,或者其他的什么。”“其他的又怎样?”康妮问。 "The rest? There is no rest. Only to my experience the mass of women are like this: most of them want a man, but don't want the sex, but they put up with it, as part of the bargain. The more old-fashioned sort just lie there like nothing and let you go ahead. They don't mind afterwards: then they like you. But the actual thing itself is nothing to them, a bit distasteful. Add most men like it that way. I hate it. But the sly sort of women who are like that pretend they're not. They pretend they're passionate and have thrills. But it's all cockaloopy. They make it up. Then there's the ones that love everything, every kind of feeling and cuddling and going off, every kind except the natural one. They always make you go off when you're not in the only place you should be, when you go off. Then there's the hard sort, that are the devil to bring off at all, and bring themselves off, like my wife. They want to be the active party. Then there's the sort that's just dead inside: but dead: and they know it. Then there's the sort that puts you out before you really "come", and go on writhing their loins till they bring themselves off against your thighs. But they're mostly the Lesbian sort. It's astonishing how Lesbian women are, consciously or unconsciously. Seems to me they're nearly all Lesbian.” "And do you mind?" Asked Connie. “其他的?倒没啥其他的。不过根据我的经验,女人无外乎以下几种:大多数要个男人来依靠,却不想要性爱,但却可以勉强忍受,作为交易的一部分。稍微老派些的只会干躺在那儿,任你怎样折腾。她们若是爱上你,对这种事也并不会在意。但她们对性爱根本提不起半点兴趣,甚至有些反感。大多数男人喜欢此类女人。而我却不以为然。但也有种女人相当狡猾,明明属于这种类型,却装作不是。她们装得热情似火,意乱情迷。但这些都不过是骗人的鬼把戏。她们只是在装模作样。此外还有一类,她们热衷于各种玩法,花样翻新的爱抚、拥抱以及高潮,唯一不能接受的就是自然而然的那种。她们总能让你在状态不佳时达到高潮。还有一类属于硬骨头,要达到高潮简直难上加难,她们往往选择自力更生,我妻子就是如此。她们需要占据主动的位置。还有一种,她们的体内完全没有感觉,麻木不仁,而她们也深知这一点。再有一种,她们会让你在满足之前就丢盔卸甲,然后继续扭动着腰肢,紧紧抵住你的大腿,直到自己达到高潮。但这类女人多数有同性恋倾向。令人吃惊的是,世间的女子都或多或少有些同性恋,无论有意或者无心。依我看,她们几乎全是同性恋者。”“那你介意吗”康妮问。 "I could kill them. When I'm with a woman who's really Lesbian, I fairly howl in my soul, wanting to kill her.” "And what do you do?" "Just go away as fast as I can." "But do you think Lesbian women any worse than homosexual men?" "I do! Because I've suffered more from them. In the abstract, I've no idea. When I get with a Lesbian woman, whether she knows she's one or not, I see red. No, no! But I wanted to have nothing to do with any woman any more. I wanted to keep to myself: keep my privacy and my decency.” He looked pale, and his brows were sombre. “我恨不得弄死她们。当我和地道的女同性恋共处,我的内心都在咆哮,只想置她于死地。”“你会怎么做?”“躲得远远的,动作越快越好。”“但你认为与男同性恋相比,女同更加不可救药吗?”“当然!因为她们让我吃到更多苦头。从理论上来讲,我也分不清两者的优劣。要是遇到女同性恋,无论她自己是否意识到这一点,我总会火冒三丈。不,不!可我不再想与任何女人有瓜葛。我宁愿孤身一人,让清静和尊严得以存续。”他脸色苍白,眉头紧锁。 "And were you sorry when I came along?" She asked. “我的出现,让你感到懊悔吗?”她问。 "I was sorry and I was glad." "And what are you now?" "I'm sorry, from the outside: all the complications and the ugliness and recrimination that's bound to come, sooner or later. That's when my blood sinks, and I'm low. But when my blood comes up, I'm glad. I'm even triumphant. I was really getting bitter. I thought there was no real sex left: never a woman who'd really "come" naturally with a man: except black women, and somehow, well, we're white men: and they're a bit like mud.” "And now, are you glad of me?" She asked. “既懊悔,又开心。”“那你现在的感受呢?”“我的烦恼来自外界:错综复杂的纠纷,无比丑陋的责难,终究都会到来,不过是早晚的问题而已。当我情绪低落,灰心丧气的时候,往往会这么想。而每当情绪高昂,血脉贲张的时候,却又感觉洋洋自得。甚至是兴高采烈。之前,我确实愈发苦恼。我以为再也遇不到酣畅淋漓的性爱,再也没有能跟男人共享高潮的女人,但黑人女子除外,可我们毕竟是白人,而她们的肤色却有点像泥巴。”“那么现在呢,拥有我,你感到开心吗?”她问。 "Yes! When I can forget the rest. When I can't forget the rest, I want to get under the table and die.” "Why under the table?" "Why?" He laughed. "Hide, I suppose. Baby!" "You do seem to have had awful experiences of women," she said. “当然!要是能抛开杂念,我确实很开心。可如果做不到,我只想钻到桌子底下死掉。”“为什么要钻到桌子底下?”“为什么?”他笑道。“躲起来吧。宝贝!”“你与女人相处的经历,的确糟糕透顶。”她评价道。 "You see, I couldn't fool myself. That's where most men manage. They take an attitude, and accept a lie. I could never fool myself. I knew what I wanted with a woman, and I could never say I'd got it when I hadn't.” "But have you got it now?" "Looks as if I might have." "Then why are you so pale and gloomy?" "Bellyful of remembering: and perhaps afraid of myself.” She sat in silence. It was growing late. “我无法做到自欺欺人。而多数男人却能做得到。他们装模作样,面对谎言,慨然接受。我却无法愚弄自己。我清楚自己想从女人那里得到什么,如果未能如愿,我绝不会信口雌黄。”“可你现在如愿以偿了吗?”“似乎是这样。”“那么,你为何还整天苍白无力,愁眉不展?”“满腹回忆难以疏解,或许还有些畏惧自己。”她默默地坐着。夜已深沉。 "And do you think it's important, a man and a woman?” She asked him. “你真的那么看重男女之事吗?”她问。 "For me it is. For me it's the core of my life: if I have a right relation with a woman.” "And if you didn't get it?” "Then I'd have to do without.” Again she pondered, before she asked: "And do you think you've always been right with women?” "God, no! I let my wife get to what she was: my fault a good deal. I spoilt her. And I'm very mistrustful. You'll have to expect it. It takes a lot to make me trust anybody, inwardly. So perhaps I'm a fraud too. I mistrust. And tenderness is not to be mistaken.” She looked at him. “对我来说,确实如此。对我来说,是否能跟女人保持正常的性关系,是生活的重心所在。”“可如果得不到呢?”“那我宁愿独身一人。”她沉思片刻,然后再度发问。“你认为自己总能善待女人吗?”“天呢,不!我妻子之所以落得今天这步田地,我要负主要责任。是我宠坏了她。我太过多疑。你以后就会晓得。要我真正相信任何人,确实很困难。或许我本身就是个骗子。所以才会缺乏信任。感情却不容误解。”她望着他。 "You don't mistrust with your body, when your blood comes up," she said. "You don't mistrust then, do you?” "No, alas! That's how I've got into all the trouble. And that's why my mind mistrusts so thoroughly.” "Let your mind mistrust. What does it matter!" “但血脉贲张的时候,你总该信任自己的肉体。”她说。“你不会怀疑,对吗?”“对。哎呀!正因为此,我才会招来那么多麻烦。心中才会充满疑虑。”“多疑就多疑吧。没什么大不了的!” The dog sighed with discomfort on the mat. The ash-clogged fire sank. 弗洛西伏在毯子上,苦恼地叹着气。照片燃剩的灰烬将炉火弄弱。 "We are a couple of battered warriors," said Connie. He laughed. "Are you battered too?" “我们是对遍体鳞伤的勇士。”康妮调侃着。他笑着问。“你也遍体鳞伤?” "And here we are returning to the fray!" "Yes! I feel really frightened." "Ay!" He got up, and put her shoes to dry, and wiped his own and set them near the fire. In the morning he would grease them. He poked the ash of pasteboard as much as possible out of the fire. "Even burnt, it's filthy," he said. Then he brought sticks and put them on the hob for the morning. Then he went out awhile with the dog. “而在这里,我们又将重整旗鼓!”“没错!我还真有些害怕。”“唉!”他站起身,把她的鞋拿去烤干,擦拭完自己的靴子,也搁在炉火旁边。清晨时分,他会给靴子上油。他把照片的灰烬拨弄到旁边,尽可能地远离火焰。“即便烧成灰,都脏得要死。”他说。接着,他拿来些柴火,放在炉架上,以备明早使用。然后,他带着猎犬,外出巡视。 When he came back, Connie said: "I want to go out too, for a minute." She went alone into the darkness. There were stars overhead. She could smell flowers on the night air. And she could feel her wet shoes getting wetter again. But she felt like going away, right away from him and everybody. 他回来时,康妮说:“我也想出去,稍微透透气。”她独自步入漆黑的暗夜。头顶是满天繁星。夜晚的寒气里,她嗅得到阵阵花香。她感觉到鞋子再次被打湿。但她此刻却想要逃离,远离他,远离所有人。 It was chilly. She shuddered, and returned to the house. He was sitting in front of the low fire. 天寒地冻。她全身战栗,退回到屋里。他正坐在微弱的炉火旁。 "Ugh! Cold!" She shuddered. “啊!太冷了!”她哆嗦着说。 He put the sticks on the fire, and fetched more, till they had a good crackling chimneyful of blaze. The rippling running yellow flame made them both happy, warmed their faces and their souls. 他添些柴火,然后又去取了些,直到熊熊烈焰充满烟道,快活的噼啪声传入耳膜。黄色的火焰起伏奔腾着,让两人的情绪都愉悦起来,脸庞和灵魂都得到温暖。 "Never mind!" She said, taking his hand as he sat silent and remote. "One does one's best.” "Ay!" He sighed, with a twist of a smile. “没关系!”看到他一言不发地远远坐着,她上前握住他的手,安慰道。“尽力就好。”“唉!”他苦笑着,叹了口气。 She slipped over to him, and into his arms, as he sat there before the fire. 他坐在炉火前,她走到他身旁,偎入他的怀中。 "Forget then!" She whispered. "Forget! He held her close, in the running warmth of the fire. The flame itself was like a forgetting. And her soft, warm, ripe weight! Slowly his blood turned, and began to ebb back into strength and reckless vigour again. “别再想了!”她低语道。“忘掉吧!”他紧紧搂着她,炉火喷出的热气扑面而来。火焰本身似乎拥有让人遗忘的魔力。而她那成熟的肉体更是那样柔软温暖,让他感到实实在在的重量!他的血液慢慢开始转变,变得充满力量与无尽的生气。 "And perhaps the women really wanted to be there and love you properly, only perhaps they couldn't. Perhaps it wasn't all their fault," she said. “或许那些女人都是真心实意想和你相处,想好好爱你,只是她们做不到而已。或许这并不都是她们的错。”她说。 "I know it. Do you think I don't know what a broken-backed snake that's been trodden on I was myself!” She clung to him suddenly. She had not wanted to start all this again. Yet some perversity had made her. “我知道。难道你认为我已经遗忘,忘记自己像条被任意践踏的蛇,连脊背都已折断!”她突然紧紧拥着他。她本不愿再挑起这个话题。但却抑制不住自己的情绪,任性胡为起来。 "But you're not now," she said. "You're not that now: a broken-backed snake that's been trodden on.” "I don't know what I am. There's black days ahead.” "No!" she protested, clinging to him. "Why? Why?" "There's black days coming for us all and for everybody," he repeated with a prophetic gloom. “可你现在不再是了。”她说。“不再是一条折断脊背的蛇,不再允许任意践踏。”“我不知道我现在是什么。前途一片黑暗。”“不!”她抗议道,死命搂住他。“为什么?为什么?”“黑暗的时代即将降临,你我,乃至所有人都无法幸免。”他重复着,说话时的忧伤口吻,活像位预言家。 "No! You're not to say it!” He was silent. But she could feel the black void of despair inside him. That was the death of all desire, the death of all love: this despair that was like the dark cave inside the men, in which their spirit was lost. “不!别说这种话!”他不再做声。但她仍感觉得到其心底绝望的深渊。那是所有欲望的坟墓,所有情感的坟墓,那种绝望就像存在于人类内心的黑洞,灵魂在其间迷失方向。 "And you talk so coldly about sex," she said. "You talk as if you had only wanted your own pleasure and satisfaction." She was protesting nervously against him. “你如此冷漠地谈论性爱。”她说,“仿佛你只顾自己痛快,自己满足。”她不留情面地反驳着。 "Nay!" He said. “不!”他说, "I wanted to have my pleasure and satisfaction of a woman, and I never got it: because I could never get my pleasure and satisfaction of HER unless she got hers of me at the same time. And it never happened. It takes two.” "But you never believed in your women. You don't even believe really in me," she said. “我想从女人身上得到愉悦和满足,但却从来没有体验过,因为只有两人同时获得快感,我的欲望才能真正实现。可这种事以前从未发生过。这需要男女双方共同努力。”“但你从不信任自己的女人。甚至连我也不完全相信。”她说。 "I don't know what believing in a woman means.” "That's it, you see!” “我不晓得信任女人该怎么做。”“你瞧,问题就出在这儿!” She still was curled on his lap. But his spirit was grey and absent, he was not there for her. And everything she said drove him further. 她依然蜷缩在他的腿上。但他早已情绪低落,心不在焉,似乎并未跟她共处一室。她所说的一切,只会将他逼得更远。 "But what DO you believe in?" She insisted. “那你究竟相信什么?”她打破沙锅问到底。 "I don't know.” "Nothing, like all the men I've ever known," she said. “我不知道。”“你不相信任何事,跟我认识的所有男人一个德行。”她说。 They were both silent. Then he roused himself and said: "Yes, I do believe in something. I believe in being warmhearted. I believe especially in being warm-hearted in love, in fucking with a warm heart. I believe if men could fuck with warm hearts, and the women take it warm-heartedly, everything would come all right. It's all this cold-hearted fucking that is death and idiocy.” "But you don't fuck me cold-heartedly," she protested. 两人都陷入沉默。后来,他振作精神说:“是的,我确实相信某些东西。我相信要有颗真诚的心。我相信应该真诚地去爱,真诚地做爱。我相信如果男人能够真诚地去做爱,女人也能真诚地予以回应,那么彼此之间的矛盾就会烟消云散。相反,导致毁灭和愚钝的,恰恰就是那种冷漠的做爱方式。”“可你不准冷漠地跟我做爱。”她抗议道。 "I don't want to fuck you at all. My heart's as cold as cold potatoes just now.” "Oh!" She said, kissing him mockingly. "Let's have them sautées." He laughed, and sat erect. “我现在根本不想跟你做爱。此刻,我的心冷得跟放凉的土豆一样。”“噢!”她说道,笑着亲吻着他。“那么就把它们煎一下吧。”他露出笑容,坐直身子。 "It's a fact!" He said. “事实就是如此。”他说。 "Anything for a bit of warm-heartedness. But the women don't like it. Even you don't really like it. You like good, sharp, piercing cold-hearted fucking, and then pretending it's all sugar. Where's your tenderness for me? You're as suspicious of me as a cat is of a dog. I tell you it takes two even to be tender and warm-hearted. You love fucking all right: but you want it to be called something grand and mysterious, just to flatter your own self-importance. Your own self-importance is more to you, fifty times more, than any man, or being together with a man.” "But that's what I'd say of you. Your own self-importance is everything to you.” "Ay! Very well then!" He said, moving as if he wanted to rise. "Let's keep apart then. I'd rather die than do any more cold-hearted fucking.” She slid away from him, and he stood up. “做任何事都要抱着真诚的心。但女人们却不愿意如此。甚至你也不喜欢这样。你喜欢冷漠的做爱,只要酣畅淋漓,如同暴风骤雨般猛烈即可,事后还会装出柔情蜜意。你对我的柔情到底在哪儿?你对我根本没有信任可言,就好像猫遇到狗一样,处处防范。我要告诉你,彼此虽怀有深情,但仍需双方的温柔和热心。你喜欢做爱没错,但你却给它冠以伟大神秘的头衔,为的只是满足你自己的虚荣心。对于你而言,虚荣心比任何男人,比做爱本身,都要重要何止50倍。”“可这正是我对你的评价。虚荣心对你而言才是一切。”“是呀!那好吧!”他说着,作势像要站起身。“那咱俩就分开好了。我宁愿去死,也不想再冷漠地做爱。”她摆脱他的怀抱,他站起身来。 "And do you think I want it?" She said. “你认为我想那样吗?”她问。 "I hope you don't," he replied. "But anyhow, you go to bed an' I'll sleep down here.” She looked at him. He was pale, his brows were sullen, he was as distant in recoil as the cold pole. Men were all alike. “我希望你不想。”他应道。“不管怎样,你去床上睡,我睡在这里就好。”她看着他。他面容苍白,眉头紧皱,距离那样遥远,好像身处极圈。男人都是一路货色。 "I can't go home till morning," she said. “夜这么深,我回不去。”她说。 "No! Go to bed. It's a quarter to one.” "I certainly won't," she said. “别吵了!上床睡觉吧。已经一点差一刻了。”“我才不去呢。”她说。 He went across and picked up his boots. 他走到壁炉边,拾起长靴。 "Then I'll go out!” He said. “那我就出去呆着!”他说。 He began to put on his boots. She stared at him. 他开始穿长靴。她愣愣地看着他。 "Wait!" She faltered. "Wait! What's come between us?” He was bent over, lacing his boot, and did not reply. The moments passed. A dimness came over her, like a swoon. All her consciousness died, and she stood there wide-eyed, looking at him from the unknown, knowing nothing any more. “等等!”她结结巴巴地说。“等等!我们到底怎么了?”他弯腰系着鞋带,没有回答。时间一分一秒地过去。康妮觉得眼前发黑,像要昏厥过去。她完全失去意识,站在那里圆睁双眼,呆呆地望着陌生的他,什么都不再了解。 He looked up, because of the silence, and saw her wide-eyed and lost. And as if a wind tossed him he got up and hobbled over to her, one shoe off and one shoe on, and took her in his arms, pressing her against his body, which somehow felt hurt right through. And there he held her, and there she remained. 他诧异于她的缄默,抬头观瞧时,却发现她瞪大的双眼,迷失的神情。仿佛突然遭遇狂风,他站起身,摇晃着走到她跟前,一只脚穿着鞋,另一只脚光着,将她拥入怀里,紧贴着自己的胸膛,锥心的疼痛袭遍全身。他就这样抱着她,而她就这样依偎在他怀里。 Till his hands reached blindly down and felt for her, and felt under the clothing to where she was smooth and warm. 他的双手漫无目的地向下摸索,伸到衣裙底下,触碰着她光滑温热的娇躯。 "Ma lass!" He murmured. "Ma little lass! Dunna let's fight! Dunna let's niver fight! I love thee an' th' touch on thee. Dunna argue wi' me! Dunna! Dunna! Dunna! Let's be together.” She lifted her face and looked at him. “俺的宝贝!”他喃喃说道。“俺的小宝贝!咱别斗气了!咱再也别斗气了!俺爱恁,俺要抚摸恁。别跟俺吵嘴!别价!别价!别价!咱俩在一起吧。”她抬起脸,盯着他看。 "Don't be upset," she said steadily. "It's no good being upset. Do you really want to be together with me?” She looked with wide, steady eyes into his face. He stopped, and went suddenly still, turning his face aside. All his body went perfectly still, but did not withdraw. “别激动。”她镇定自若地说,“激动可不是好习惯。你真的想跟我在一起吗?”她圆睁双眼,目不转睛地看着他的脸庞。他不再抚摸,突然间停止动作,把脸转向一旁。整个身体一动不动,但却没有退却。 Then he lifted his head and looked into her eyes, with his odd, faintly mocking grin, saying: "ay-ay! Let's be together on oath.” "But really?" she said, her eyes filling with tears. "Ay really! Heart an' belly an' cock.” He still smiled faintly down at her, with the flicker of irony in his eyes, and a touch of bitterness. 然后,他抬起头,直视她的双眼,脸上露出略带嘲弄的怪笑,说:“真想!咱俩就此盟誓,永不分离。”“真的吗?”她问,两眼已经盈满泪水。“当然是真的!俺的心,俺的肚,俺的阳具,都只属于恁。”他低头朝她露出淡淡的笑容,眼睛闪过一丝嘲讽,也包含着些许酸楚。 She was silently weeping, and he lay with her and went into her there on the hearthrug, and so they gained a measure of equanimity. And then they went quickly to bed, for it was growing chill, and they had tired each other out. And she nestled up to him, feeling small and enfolded, and they both went to sleep at once, fast in one sleep. And so they lay and never moved, till the sun rose over the wood and day was beginning. 她默默垂泪,两人在壁炉前的地毯上倾倒,几番云雨后,才彻底平静下来。接着,两人即刻上床就寝,因为夜凉渐重,而且他们也被彼此折腾得疲惫不堪。她紧紧偎着他,显得那样小鸟依人,楚楚可怜。两人头刚挨枕,便沉沉睡去,进入梦乡。他们就这样静静地睡着,直到太阳爬上梢头,白昼再临大地。 Then he woke up and looked at the light. The curtains were drawn. He listened to the loud wild calling of blackbirds and thrushes in the wood. It would be a brilliant morning, about half past five, his hour for rising. He had slept so fast! It was such a new day! The woman was still curled asleep and tender. His hand moved on her, and she opened her blue wondering eyes, smiling unconsciously into his face. 他从沉睡中醒来,望着那亮光。窗帘并未放下。他倾听着林中清脆的鸟鸣,是乌鸫和画眉在唱和。准是个明媚的清晨,大约五点半,正是他平时起床的时间。昨夜,他睡得如此香甜!崭新的一天已经到来!女人依然蜷曲着,酣睡着,柔若无骨。他爱抚着她的身体,她睁开眼睛,蓝色的眸子闪烁着诧异的光芒,迷迷糊糊地对着他微笑。 "Are you awake?" She said to him. “你醒了?”她说。 He was looking into her eyes. He smiled, and kissed her. And suddenly she roused and sat up. 他凝望着她的眼睛。微笑着吻她。她彻底从睡梦中醒来,霍得坐起身子。 "Fancy that I am here!" She said. “真想不到我会来这儿!”她感叹道。 She looked round the whitewashed little bedroom with its sloping ceiling and gable window where the white curtains were closed. The room was bare save for a little yellow-painted chest of drawers, and a chair: and the smallish white bed in which she lay with him. 她环顾这间白色的小卧房,天花板是倾斜的,山墙的窗户上垂着白色的窗帘。房间陈设极少,只有一个黄漆的小衣柜,一把椅子,以及两人睡着的这张小白床。 "Fancy that we are here!" She said, looking down at him. He was lying watching her, stroking her breasts with his fingers, under the thin nightdress. When he was warm and smoothed out, he looked young and handsome. His eyes could look so warm. And she was fresh and young like a flower. “想不到我们会在这儿!”她说着,低头望向他。他躺在床上,凝视着自己的爱侣,手指伸到薄若轻纱的睡衣下面,抚弄着她的酥胸。此刻他的身体温暖柔滑,样貌也显得青春洋溢,丰神俊朗。他的目光中充满温情。她娇艳得如同花朵。 "I want to take this off!" She said, gathering the thin batiste nightdress and pulling it over her head. She sat there with bare shoulders and longish breasts faintly golden. He loved to make her breasts swing softly, like bells. “我想脱掉这个!”她说着,拉起薄薄的亚麻布睡衣,从头上褪下来。她坐在那里,双肩光溜溜的,稍有下垂的乳房闪烁着淡淡的金光。他喜欢轻轻拨弄她的双乳,让它们像钟摆般来回摇晃。 "You must take off your pyjamas too," she said. “你也把睡衣脱掉。”她说。 "Eh, nay!" “哦,别介!” "Yes! Yes!" She commanded. “快脱!脱掉!”她命令着。 And he took off his old cotton pyjama-jacket, and pushed down the trousers. Save for his hands and wrists and face and neck he was white as milk, with fine slender muscular flesh. To Connie he was suddenly piercingly beautiful again, as when she had seen him that afternoon washing himself. 他脱去那件破旧的棉睡衣。褪下长裤。除了双手、两腕、面孔和脖项,他通体皆如牛奶般洁白,身材纤瘦,肌肉匀称。刹那间,康妮再度察觉到他让人心旗摇曳的俊美,一如当日她撞见他沐浴时的场景。 Gold of sunshine touched the closed white curtain. She felt it wanted to come in. 灿烂的阳光洒落在低垂的白色窗帘上。她感觉它想要破窗而入。 "Oh, do let's draw the curtains! The birds are singing so! Do let the sun in," she said. “噢,拉开窗帘吧!鸟儿兴高采烈地唱着。让太阳照进屋里吧。”她说。 He slipped out of bed with his back to her, naked and white and thin, and went to the window, stooping a little, drawing the curtains and looking out for a moment. The back was white and fine, the small buttocks beautiful with an exquisite, delicate manliness, the back of the neck ruddy and delicate and yet strong. 他溜下床去,背对着她,赤裸的身体白皙瘦长。他走到窗前,微微弯腰,拉起窗帘,向外张望片刻。他的后背洁白细嫩,紧实的屁股精巧而极富阳刚之气,后脖颈红润柔腻且强壮有力。 There was an inward, not an outward strength in the delicate fine body. 这副精美的身躯中,蕴含着内敛而非外显的力量。 "But you are beautiful!" She said. "So pure and fine! Come!" She held her arms out. “你真美!”她赞叹道。“纯洁无暇,精致优雅!来呀!”她张开臂膀。 He was ashamed to turn to her, because of his aroused nakedness. 他羞于转过身,因为那赤裸的阳具正傲然挺立着。 He caught his shirt off the floor, and held it to him, coming to her. 他从地上拾起衬衣,遮住羞处,才向她走来。 "No!" She said still holding out her beautiful slim arms from her dropping breasts. "Let me see you!" He dropped the shirt and stood still looking towards her. The sun through the low window sent in a beam that lit up his thighs and slim belly and the erect phallos rising darkish and hot-looking from the little cloud of vivid gold-red hair. She was startled and afraid. “不!”她说,依然伸展着修长美丽的双臂,袒露着两只饱满的乳房。“让我看看你!”他丢开衬衣,无声地站立着,默默望着她。太阳透过低矮的窗户射进屋里,照亮他的双股,紧绷的小腹以及斗志昂扬的阴茎。浓密的金红色阴毛丛中,黝黑的阳具热腾腾地勃起着。她瞠目结舌,心如鹿撞。 "How strange!" She said slowly. "How strange he stands there! So big! And so dark and cock-sure! Is he like that?” The man looked down the front of his slender white body, and laughed. Between the slim breasts the hair was dark, almost black. But at the root of the belly, where the phallos rose thick and arching, it was gold-red, vivid in a little cloud. “多奇怪呀!”她缓缓地说。“他挺在那儿的样子,多奇怪呀!那么粗长!黢黑而又充满自信!他乐意那样子吗?”梅勒斯低头瞧着自己细白的身躯以及兀然突起的部分,咧嘴笑了。他平坦的双乳间,生着暗色的胸毛,几乎是黑的。而小腹底部那簇,孕育着阳物的那簇,则更加浓密蜷曲,呈金红色,色泽鲜艳。 "So proud!" She murmured, uneasy. "And so lordly! Now I know why men are so overbearing! But he's lovely, really. Like another being! A bit terrifying! But lovely really! And he comes to ME!—” She caught her lower lip between her teeth, in fear and excitement. “多么骄傲!”她低声说道,心里惴惴不安。“多么威风!我总算明白,男人们为何都那么骄横跋扈了!但他真的很可爱。仿佛本身就拥有生命!有些让人生畏!但的确很可爱!而他的目标就是我!”她咬住下嘴唇,既惧怕又激动。 The man looked down in silence at the tense phallos, that did not change. "Ay!" He said at last, in a little voice. "Ay ma lad! Tha're theer right enough. Yi, tha mun rear thy head! Theer on thy own, eh? An' ta'es no count O' nob'dy! Tha ma'es nowt O' me, John Thomas. Art boss? Of me? Eh well, tha're more cocky than me, an' tha says less. John Thomas! Dost want her? Dost want my lady Jane? Tha's dipped me in again, tha hast. Ay, an' tha comes up smilin’. Ax 'er then! Ax lady Jane! Say: lift up your heads, O ye gates, that the king of glory may come in. Ay, th' cheek on thee! Cunt, that's what tha're after. Tell lady Jane tha wants cunt. John Thomas, an' th' cunt O' lady Jane!—” "Oh, don't tease him," said Connie, crawling on her knees on the bed towards him and putting her arms round his white slender loins, and drawing him to her so that her hanging, swinging breasts touched the tip of the stirring, erect phallos, and caught the drop of moisture. She held the man fast. 梅勒斯并未搭话,只是低头看着坚挺的阴茎,它屹立不摇。“唉!”最后,他小声叹道。“唉,俺的家伙!恁直直地挺在那儿。咦,高昂着头颅!逍遥自在,呃?任谁都不放在眼里!恁让俺相形见绌,约翰·托马斯。恁会发号施令?让俺听命于恁?哦,恁比俺更趾高气昂,比俺更沉默寡言。约翰·托马斯!恁想要她吗?恁想要简夫人吗?恁又让俺沉沦欲海,不能自拔。是呀,恁面带微笑,傲然挺立。去问她!去问简夫人!就说:众城门哪,你们要抬起头来,那荣耀的王将要进来。是呀,恁真是不害臊!阴门,正是你梦寐以求的地方。告诉简夫人,你要入阴门。约翰·托马斯,还有简夫人的阴门!”“哦,别开他的玩笑。”康妮劝阻道,跪在床上,向他爬过来,抱住他细白的腰身,将他拉到自己身旁。这样一来,那对悬垂摇摆的乳房恰好碰到颤巍巍挺立着的阴茎顶端,一滴粘液落在它们的上面。她紧紧将他搂住。 "Lie down!" He said. "Lie down! Let me come!" He was in a hurry now. “躺下!”他说。“躺下!让我进来!”他已经急不可耐。 And afterwards, when they had been quite still, the woman had to uncover the man again, to look at the mystery of the phallos. 云雨过后,两人再度陷入静默。康妮揭去梅勒斯身上的被子,想要一探那神秘的阳物。 "And now he's tiny, and soft like a little bud of life!” She said, taking the soft small penis in her hand. "Isn't he somehow lovely! So on his own, so strange! And so innocent! And he comes so far into me! You must never insult him, you know. He's mine too. He's not only yours. He's mine! And so lovely and innocent!” And she held the penis soft in her hand. “现在,他小小的,软绵绵的,好像生命的蓓蕾!”她说着,将软塌塌的阴茎握在手中。“他简直太可爱了!如此自在,如此奇妙!如此天真!它在我体内插得那样深!你决不能欺负他,知道吗?他也属于我。他不仅仅是你的。他也是我的!多么可爱,多么单纯!”她温柔地将阴茎攥在手里。 He laughed. 他露出笑容。 "Blest be the tie that binds our hearts in kindred love," he said. “愿上帝保佑这爱的纽带,是他将我们的心相连,缔结爱的盟约。”他说。 "Of course!" She said. "Even when he's soft and little I feel my heart simply tied to him. And how lovely your hair is here! Quite, quite different!” "That's John Thomas's hair, not mine!” He said. “当然!”她说。甚至它又软又小的时候,我也感觉自己的心跟他紧密相连。你这儿的毛发真好看!那样与众不同!”“那是约翰·托马斯的毛发,不是我的!”他说。 "John Thomas! John Thomas!" And she quickly kissed the soft penis, that was beginning to stir again. “约翰·托马斯!约翰·托马斯!”她轻啄了一下那条软塌塌的阴茎,它又颤抖着昂起头来。 "Ay!" Said the man, stretching his body almost painfully. "He's got his root in my soul, has that gentleman! An' sometimes I don' know what ter do wi' him. Ay, he's got a will of his own, an' it's hard to suit him. Yet I wouldn't have him killed.” "No wonder men have always been afraid of him!" She said. "He's rather terrible.” The quiver was going through the man's body, as the stream of consciousness again changed its direction, turning downwards. And he was helpless, as the penis in slow soft undulations filled and surged and rose up, and grew hard, standing there hard and overweening, in its curious towering fashion. The woman too trembled a little as she watched. “唉!”梅勒斯叹道,像是痛苦地伸展开自己的躯体。“他的根深植于我的灵魂之中,那位绅士!有时候,俺还真不晓得,要拿它怎么办才好。唉,他总是特立独行,要讨他欢心相当难。但我不愿让他受到伤害。”“难怪男人们都惧他三分!”她说。“他确实挺可怕。”意志的洪流再度改变方向,向下直冲过去,梅勒斯全身战栗起来。他也无能为力,而阴茎缓慢轻柔地颤动着,充血,勃起,坚挺,威风凛凛地竖立着,高昂着头颅。康妮目睹这一切,也不禁颤抖起来。 "There! Take him then! He's thine," said the man. “好了!拿去吧!他归你了。”男人说。 And she quivered, and her own mind melted out. Sharp soft waves of unspeakable pleasure washed over her as he entered her, and started the curious molten thrilling that spread and spread till she was carried away with the last, blind flush of extremity. 她哆嗦着,心灵已经熔化。当他进入时,难以言喻的快感浪潮袭遍全身,温柔但却震撼,某种骨软筋酥的奇妙感受不断扩展开去,直到最后时刻那无法抑制的终极巨浪将她彻底席卷。 He heard the distant hooters of Stacks Gate for seven o'clock. It was Monday morning. He shivered a little, and with his face between her breasts pressed her soft breasts up over his ears, to deafen him. 他听到远处斯塔克斯门传来的汽笛声,知道已是清晨七点。这是周一的清晨。他颤抖了一下,将脸埋进她的乳沟,用柔软的双峰掩住自己的耳朵,以隔绝外界的声音。 She had not even heard the hooters. She lay perfectly still, her soul washed transparent. 她却压根没有听到汽笛长鸣。她只是静静地躺着,灵魂已被冲洗得晶莹透明。 "You must get up, mustn't you?” He muttered. “你得起来了。”他喃喃地说。 "What time?" Came her colourless voice. “几点了?”她的声音全无色彩。 "Seven-o'clock blowers a bit sin’.” "I suppose I must." She was resenting as she always did, the compulsion from outside. “七点的汽笛刚刚响过。”“我确实得起来了。”面对来自外界的压力,她仍旧心有怨恨。 He sat up and looked blankly out of the window. "You do love me, don't you?” She asked calmly. He looked down at her. 他坐起来,望向窗外,怅然若失。“你真的爱我,是吗?”她平静地问。他垂头望着她。 "Tha knows what tha knows. What dost ax for!" He said, a little fretfully. “恁明知道答案。干嘛还来问俺!”他心情烦乱地说。 "I want you to keep me, not to let me go," she said. “我要你留住我,阻止我离开。”她说。 His eyes seemed full of a warm, soft darkness that could not think. 他的眼神温暖柔和,但却难掩心中的凄然,他已经无法思考。 "When? Now?" "Now in your heart. Then I want to come and live with you, always, soon." He sat naked on the bed, with his head dropped, unable to think. “什么时候?现在?”“现在只需你将我留在心里。不久的将来,我便会来到你的身边,与你长相厮守。”他赤裸着坐在床上,耷拉着脑袋,心绪依然烦乱。 "Don't you want it?” She asked. “难道你不想这样吗?”她问。 "Ay!" He said. “是呀!”他叹道。 Then with the same eyes darkened with another flame of consciousness, almost like sleep, he looked at her. 意识的火焰将那双眼睛燃得愈发模糊,好像几乎进入梦境,只是茫然地望着她。 "Dunna ax me nowt now," he said. "Let me be. I like thee. I luv thee when tha lies theer. A woman's a lovely thing when "er's deep ter fuck, and cunt's good. Ah luv thee, thy legs, an' th' shape on thee, an'th' womanness on thee. Ah luv th' womanness on thee. Ah luv thee wi' my bas an' wi' my heart. But dunna ax me nowt. Dunna ma'e me say nowt. Let me stop as I am while I can. Tha can ax me iverything after. Now let me be, let me be!” And softly, he laid his hand over her mound of Venus, on the soft brown maiden-hair, and himself-sat still and naked on the bed, his face motionless in physical abstraction, almost like the face of Buddha. Motionless, and in the invisible flame of another consciousness, he sat with his hand on her, and waited for the turn. “现在别问俺任何事。”他说。“让俺就这样吧。俺喜欢恁。俺愿意恁躺在俺身边。女人的妙处在于她能被深深地进入,拥有完美的私处。俺爱恁,爱恁的腿,爱恁窈窕的身姿,爱恁非凡的女性魅力。那种魅力让俺心醉神迷。俺的全部身心都爱着恁。但现在别问俺。现在别让俺许下承诺。现在就让俺这样吧。以后,恁想问什么都可以。现在就让俺这么着吧!”他的手温柔地拂过她的丰臀,略过她褐色的柔软毛丛,而他的身躯却依然呆坐在床上,赤条条的,动也不动。面无表情,一副魂游天外的样子,活像佛陀那肃穆的面孔。他一动不动地坐着,手放在她身上,另一股无形的意识火焰悄然燃起,等待着转机的降临。 After a while, he reached for his shirt and put it on, dressed himself swiftly in silence, looked at her once as she still lay naked and faintly golden like a Gloire de Dijon rose on the bed, and was gone. She heard him downstairs opening the door. 过了一会儿,他取过衬衣穿好,利落地穿好外衣裤,默默看了她一眼,离开卧房。而她的那副玉体横陈于床榻,身无片缕,幽幽闪着金光,美艳地如同第戎(注:法国东部城市)的黄玫瑰。她听到他敞开房门,走下楼去。 And still she lay musing, musing. It was very hard to go: to go out of his arms. He called from the foot of the stairs: "Half past seven!" She sighed, and got out of bed. The bare little room! Nothing in it at all but the small chest of drawers and the smallish bed. But the board floor was scrubbed clean. And in the corner by the window gable was a shelf with some books, and some from a circulating library. She looked. There were books about Bolshevist Russia, books of travel, a volume about the atom and the electron, another about the composition of the earth's core, and the causes of earthquakes: then a few novels: then three books on India. So! He was a reader after all. 而她躺在那儿,冥思苦想。要离开这里,暂别他怀抱,确实困难之极。他在楼梯下喊道:“七点半了!”她叹口气,不情愿地下了床。空荡荡的小房间!衣柜和床都挺小,此外空无一物。但地板却擦得整洁光亮。带窗的山墙边角落里摆着个书架,其中有些书借自移动图书馆。她走近细瞧。几本写到苏俄,几本是游记,一本讲的是原子和电子的关系,一本则研究地核的构造以及地震的成因,此外,还有几部小说,三本关于印度的书籍。如此说来,他自称爱读书并非虚言。 The sun fell on her naked limbs through the gable window. Outside she saw the dog Flossie roaming round. The hazel-brake was misted with green, and dark-green dogs-mercury under. It was a clear clean morning with birds flying and triumphantly singing. If only she could stay! If only there weren't the other ghastly world of smoke and iron! If only HE would make her a world. 阳光透过山墙窗户,洒在她裸露的四肢上。她凭窗而望,看到猎犬弗洛西正在屋外游荡。绿油油的榛丛下面,藏着墨绿色的水银菜。真是个天气晴好的早晨,鸟儿展翅翱翔,兴高采烈地欢唱。要是她能长留此地,该有多好!要是外面那烟尘滚滚、钢筋铁骨的苍白的世界不存在,该有多好!要是他能为她创造另一片乐土,该多美妙。 She came downstairs, down the steep, narrow wooden stairs. Still she would be content with this little house, if only it were in a world of its own. 她顺着台阶而下,木质的楼梯陡峭又狭窄。要是这所小屋真能与世隔绝,那她也会心满意足。 He was washed and fresh, and the fire was burning. "Will you eat anything?" He said. 他刚刚梳洗过,显得精神饱满,炉火烧得正旺。“要吃点什么吗?”他问。 "No! Only lend me a comb." She followed him into the scullery, and combed her hair before the handbreadth of mirror by the back door. Then she was ready to go. “不!借我梳子一用即可。”她随他走进洗涤间,站在后门旁巴掌大的镜子前,将头发梳理整齐。她做好了离开的准备。 She stood in the little front garden, looking at the dewy flowers, the grey bed of pinks in bud already. 她站在屋前的小花园里,欣赏着沾满朝露的花朵,整圃灰白色的石竹已经含苞待放。 "I would like to have all the rest of the world disappear," she said, "and live with you here." "It won't disappear," he said. “我希望外面的世界就此覆灭,只剩你我同住此地。”她说。“可外面的世界不会消失。”他说。 They went almost in silence through the lovely dewy wood. But they were together in a world of their own. 两人走过被露水打湿的充满生气的树林,几乎都没有做声。但在只属于彼此的世界里,他们的心却紧紧相依。 It was bitter to her to go on to Wragby. 要重返拉格比,对她来说实在苦不堪言。 "I want soon to come and live with you altogether," she said as she left him. “我希望,用不了多久,就能与你同住,长相厮守。”分手时,她对他说。 He smiled, unanswering. 他笑而不答。 She got home quietly and unremarked, and went up to her room. 她悄然回到家中,上楼进入卧房,无人察觉。 第十五章 There was a letter from Hilda on the breakfast-tray. "Father is going to London this week, and I shall call for you on Thursday week, June 17th. You must be ready so that we can go at once. I don't want to waste time at Wragby, it's an awful place. I shall probably stay the night at Retford with the Colemans, so I should be with you for lunch, Thursday. Then we could start at teatime, and sleep perhaps in Grantham. It is no use our spending an evening with Clifford. If he hates your going, it would be no pleasure to him.” So! She was being pushed round on the chess-board again. 早餐盘上搁着希尔达的来信。“爸爸这个礼拜要去伦敦,六月十七日周四那天,我会去你家。你要提前准备好,我们就可以即刻启程。我不想在拉格比多做停留,那里实在太糟糕。我周三可能在雷特福德的科尔曼家过夜,周四应该可以与你共进午餐。下午茶的时候,我们便可动身,晚上或许留宿在格兰瑟姆。跟克利福德共度夜晚,对我们毫无益处。要是他不愿放你走,那只会让他更加难受。”看吧!她再度置身棋盘之上,任人摆布。 Clifford hated her going, but it was only because he didn't feel safe in her absence. Her presence, for some reason, made him feel safe, and free to do the things he was occupied with. He was a great deal at the pits, and wrestling in spirit with the almost hopeless problems of getting out his coal in the most economical fashion and then selling it when he'd got it out. He knew he ought to find some way of using it, or converting it, so that he needn't sell it, or needn't have the chagrin of failing to sell it. But if he made electric power, could he sell that or use it? And to convert into oil was as yet too costly and too elaborate. To keep industry alive there must be more industry, like a madness. 克利福德不愿她离开,但那只是因为她不在时,他会失去安全感。不知为什么,有她陪在身边,他会感到心安,可以放手去忙自己的事情。他多数时间呆在矿坑,绞尽脑汁地钻研着那些几乎无解的难题,怎样的采煤方式更省钱,如何才能将采出来的煤卖掉。他知道自己要找到利用煤的方式,或者将它转化成其他能源,这样就不必非得卖掉,自然也就无需担心销路。但如果将其转化为电能,出售好呢,还是自己使用好呢?如果将其转化成石油,代价过于高昂,且工艺过于繁复。要让产业存活下去,就必须创造出更多与之相关的产业,这确实是疯狂之举。 It was a madness, and it required a madman to succeed in it. Well, he was a little mad. Connie thought so. His very intensity and acumen in the affairs of the pits seemed like a manifestation of madness to her, his very inspirations were the inspirations of insanity. 既然是癫狂的举动,那么自然只有疯子才能取得成功。哦,他已经有些疯狂的味道。康妮就这样认为。对她而言,他对矿务的执着和敏感本身就是疯狂的表现,而他极端的灵感同样因癫狂而激发。 He talked to her of all his serious schemes, and she listened in a kind of wonder, and let him talk. Then the flow ceased, and he turned on the loudspeaker, and became a blank, while apparently his schemes coiled on inside him like a kind of dream. 他总将自己的宏伟计划讲给妻子听,而她只会故作惊讶,任他自说自话。口若悬河地讲完,他便会拧开收音机,变得死气沉沉,那些雄图大略则沦为某种梦境,深埋进他的内心世界。 And every night now he played pontoon, that game of the Tommies, with Mrs. Bolton, gambling with sixpences. And again, in the gambling he was gone in a kind of unconsciousness, or blank intoxication, or intoxication of blankness, whatever it was. Connie could not bear to see him. But when she had gone to bed, he and Mrs. Bolton would gamble on till two and three in the morning, safely, and with strange lust. Mrs. Bolton was caught in the lust as much as Clifford: the more so, as she nearly always lost. 如今,他每晚都会与博尔顿太太玩21点,这是英国行伍间喜闻乐见的纸牌游戏,以六便士作为赌注。赌牌的时候,他便会变得神志不清,陷入茫然的沉醉或者沉醉的茫然状态,鬼才分得清。康妮实在不忍见他变成这样。可她就寝之后,他和博尔顿太太仍不会罢手,奋战直至凌晨两三点,平平静静地,并带着一种奇怪的欲望。博尔顿太太沉溺的程度丝毫不逊克利福德,因为她几乎没有胜绩,可越是输,就越是着迷。 She told Connie one day: "I lost twenty-three shillings to Sir Clifford last night.” "And did he take the money from you?" asked Connie aghast. 有一天,她对康妮说:“我昨晚输给克利福德爵士23先令。”“他收下你的钱了吗?”康妮颇感惊讶地问。 "Why of course, my Lady! Debt of honour!" “当然,夫人!这可是赌债!” Connie expostulated roundly, and was angry with both of them. The upshot was, Sir Clifford raised Mrs. Bolton's wages a hundred a year, and she could gamble on that. Meanwhile, it seemed to Connie, Clifford was really going deader. 康妮狠狠申斥了两人,甚至大发雷霆。结果是,克利福德将博尔顿太太的年薪提高了100镑,她总算有了赌资。而在康妮心目中,克利福德的形象变得更加不可救药。 She told him at length she was leaving on the seventeenth. 她终于将行程告诉他,言明自己17日将会离开格拉比。 "Seventeenth!" He said. "And when will you be back?" "By the twentieth of July at the latest." "Yes! The twentieth of July." Strangely and blankly he looked at her, with the vagueness of a child, but with the queer blank cunning of an old man. “17日!”他说。“那你什么时候回来?”“最迟7月20日。”“是吗?7月20号。”他失神落魄地怪怪地望着他,茫然的样子活像个孩子,但狡黠的神态又好似老朽。 "You won't let me down, now, will you?" he said. “你不会让我失望,对吗?”他说。 "How?" "While you're away, I mean, you're sure to come back?” "I'm as sure as I can be of anything, that I shall come back.” "Yes! Well! Twentieth of July!" “让你失望?”“我是说,你走之后,确定还会回来是吗?”“我肯定会回来,绝不食言。”“好吧!很好!7月20号!” He looked at her so strangely. 他表情怪异地望着她。 Yet he really wanted her to go. That was so curious. He wanted her to go, positively, to have her little adventures and perhaps come home pregnant, and all that. At the same time, he was afraid of her going. 但在心里,他其实希望她走。这确实有些奇怪。他盼着她离开,盼着她遇到露水情缘,或许还能够怀胎而返。但与此同时,他又害怕她弃他而去。 She was quivering, watching her real opportunity for leaving him altogether, waiting till the time, herself himself should be ripe. 她激动得全身震颤,等待着真正机会的到来,可以完全脱离他的束缚,等待着她和他都成熟的一天。 She sat and talked to the keeper of her going abroad. 她坐在守林人家中,说起自己要出国旅行的事情。 "And then when I come back," she said, "I can tell Clifford I must leave him. And you and I can go away. They never need even know it is you. We can go to another country, shall we? To Africa or Australia. Shall we?" She was quite thrilled by her plan. “等我回来,”她说,“就会跟克利福德摊牌,告诉他我要离开。你我便可以远走高飞。他们甚至都不会知道我的情郎是你。我们可以离开英国,不是吗?去非洲或者澳大利亚。没错吧?”讲到自己对未来的计划,康妮激动不已。 "You've never been to the Colonies, have you?" he asked her. “你从未去过殖民地,对吧?”他问她。 "No! Have you?" "I've been in India, and South Africa, and Egypt.” "Why shouldn't we go to South Africa?” "We might!" He said slowly. “没有!你呢?”“我去过印度、南非还有埃及。”“咱俩干嘛不去南非呢?”“或许可以去!”他慢吞吞地说。 "Or don't you want to?" she asked. “或许你并不想去?”她问。 "I don't care. I don't much care what I do.” "Doesn't it make you happy? why not? we shan't be poor. I have about six hundred a year, I wrote and asked. It's not much, but it's enough, isn't it?” "It's riches to me.” "Oh, how lovely it will be!" “我不在乎。去哪里我都无所谓。”“你不高兴吗?为什么?我们不会受穷的。我每年能得到600英镑,我之前写信问过。虽然不多,但也足够咱俩过活,不是吗?”“对我而言,已经算一大笔钱。”“噢,那时的生活该是多么美妙!” "But I ought to get divorced, and so ought you, unless we're going to have complications.” There was plenty to think about. “可我应该先办好离婚手续,你也一样,否则准会麻烦不断。”方方面面的事情,都要考虑周详。 Another day she asked him about himself. They were in the hut, and there was a thunderstorm. 还有一天,她问起他的过往。他俩呆在林间小屋里,外面雷雨交加。 "And weren't you happy, when you were a lieutenant and an officer and a gentleman?” "Happy? all right. I liked my Colonel." "Did you love him?" "Yes! I loved him." "And did he love you?" "Yes! In a way, he loved me." "Tell me about him." "What is there to tell? he had risen from the ranks. He loved the army. And he had never married. He was twenty years older than me. He was a very intelligent man: and alone in the army, as such a man is: a passionate man in his way: and a very clever officer. I lived under his spell while I was with him. I sort of let him run my life. And I never regret it.” "And did you mind very much when he died?" "I was as near death myself. But when I came to, I knew another part of me was finished. But then I had always known it would finish in death. All things do, as far as that goes." She sat and ruminated. The thunder crashed outside. It was like being in a little ark in the Flood. “你以前做过中尉,身为军官和上等人,你觉得开心吗?”“开心?还好。我喜欢自己的上校。”“你爱他吗?”“是的!我爱他。”“他也爱你?”“没错!从某方面来讲,他的确爱我。”“跟我讲讲他的事情。”“从何说起呢?他出身行伍。他热爱军队。他终身未娶。比我年长20岁。他聪明睿智,独来独往,但却待人热诚,是个极有才能的军官。我在他麾下的时候,完全被他倾倒。我自始至终听命于他。并且心甘情愿。”“他撒手人寰,你肯定非常伤心?”“跟我自己死掉差不多。当我恢复健康,深知失去的情感永远无法再挽回。但我早知道结果会是如此。其实,这道理可以推及任何事情。”她坐在那里,反复思索着他的话。屋外雷声阵阵。这小屋就像大洪水中的一叶方舟。 "You seem to have such a lot behind you," she said. “你的人生似乎有太多故事。”她说。 "Do I? It seems to me I've died once or twice already. Yet here I am, pegging on, and in for more trouble.” She was thinking hard, yet listening to the storm. “是吗?我感觉自己已经死过一两次。但我依然活着,苟且偷生,准备迎接更多的烦忧。”她冥思苦想着,耳边暴风雨的怒号始终不绝。 "And weren't you happy as an officer and a gentleman, when your Colonel was dead?” "No! They were a mingy lot." he laughed suddenly. "The Colonel used to say: Lad, the English middle classes have to chew every mouthful thirty times because their guts are so narrow, a bit as big as a pea would give them a stoppage. They're the mingiest set of ladylike snipe ever invented: full of conceit of themselves, frightened even if their boot-laces aren't correct, rotten as high game, and always in the right. That's what finishes me up. Kow-tow, kow-tow, arse-licking till their tongues are tough: yet they're always in the right. Prigs on top of everything. Prigs! A generation of ladylike prigs with half a ball each—” Connie laughed. The rain was rushing down. “上校死后,你依然享受作为军官和上层人士的生活吗?”“不!他们都太过卑劣。”他突然笑出声来。“上校曾经说过:孩子,英国的中产阶级们每吃一口饭,必须咀嚼30下,因为他们的肠道太窄,即使是颗豌豆,也会将其阻塞。他们卑鄙下流,世间罕有,跟娘们无异。他们自视甚高,鞋带系错,都会大惊小怪。他们如腐肉般糜烂,且总自以为是。我就毁在他们手里。卑躬屈膝,溜须拍马,舔屁股舔得舌头都生茧,但依然自以为是。自命不凡到了极点。假道学!这代人都是自鸣得意的道学先生,其实不过是只有半个睾丸的娘娘腔……”康妮笑了起来。雨如倾盆。 "He hated them!" “他恨他们!” "No," said he. "He didn't bother. He just disliked them. There's a difference. Because, as he said, the Tommies are getting just as priggish and half-balled and narrow-gutted. It's the fate of mankind, to go that way.” "The common people too, the working people?" "All the lot. Their spunk is gone dead. Motor-cars and cinemas and aeroplanes suck that last bit out of them. I tell you, every generation breeds a more rabbity generation, with india rubber tubing for guts and tin legs and tin faces. Tin people! It's all a steady sort of bolshevism just killing off the human thing, and worshipping the mechanical thing. Money, money, money! All the modern lot get their real kick out of killing the old human feeling out of man, making mincemeat of the old Adam and the old Eve. They're all alike. The world is all alike: kill off the human reality, a quid for every foreskin, two quid for each pair of balls. What is cunt but machine—fucking! It's all alike. Pay 'em money to cut off the world's cock. Pay money, money, money to them that will take spunk out of mankind, and leave 'em all little twiddling machines.” He sat there in the hut, his face pulled to mocking irony. Yet even then, he had one ear set backwards, listening to the storm over the wood. It made him feel so alone. “不。”他说。“他才不会自寻烦恼。他只是厌恶他们。这两者存在着本质区别。正如他所说,因为英国大兵变得道貌岸然,不男不女,且心胸狭窄。人类的命运本该如此。”“平民百姓,工人阶级也一样吗?”“半斤八两。他们变得毫无勇气。仅存的斗志都被汽车、电影乃至飞机蚕食干净。听我说,一代不如一代,弹性橡胶做成内脏,金钱搭成双腿和脸。拜金的人类!某种布尔什维克主义思想将人性消灭殆尽,却对机械顶礼膜拜。金钱,金钱,还是金钱!所有现代人都将乐此不疲,将人类古老的情感毁灭,让自然质朴的人性彻底消亡。他们没什么两样。世界都是如此,扼杀人类的本性,每块包皮20先令,每对睾丸40先令。阴道算什么,只不过是性交的——工具!大同小异。只要付钱,他们就会将整个世界阉割。只要付钱,他们便会将人类的血性攫取,只留下些微不足道的运转的机器。”他坐在小屋里,脸上挂着鄙夷讥讽的神色。但甚至此时此刻,他仍保持着警觉,用一只耳朵倾听着林中暴风雨的肆虐。这样的狂风暴雨,让他感到异常孤寂。 "But won't it ever come to an end?" she said. “可这种状况不会走向终结吗?”她问。 "Ay, it will. It'll achieve its own salvation. When the last real man is killed, and they're all tame: white, black, yellow, all colours of tame ones: then they'll all be insane. Because the root of sanity is in the balls. Then they'll all be insane, and they'll make their grand ~auto da fe. You know auto da fe means act of faith? Ay, well, they'll make their own grand little act of faith. They'll offer one another up.” "You mean kill one another?" "I do, duckie! If we go on at our present rate then in a hundred years'time there won't be ten thousand people in this island: there may not be ten. They'll have lovingly wiped each other out. The thunder was rolling further away. “是呀,会的。世界将会完成自我救赎。当最后一个有血性的人类被消灭,当世人都变得驯服,白种人、黑种人、黄种人,各色人种都难逃宿命,变得驯服继而疯癫。因为健全的心智根植于睾丸之中。当世人尽数疯癫,他们便会召开盛大的判决仪式。判决仪式是种宗教行为,你知道吧?是呀,他们将举行自己的宗教仪式。他们会将彼此献为祭品。”“你是说,他们会彼此杀戮?”“没错,甜心!如果按照现在的情形发展下去,100年后,大不列颠岛的人口将不足一万,甚至可能都不会有十个人。他们会痛快地将彼此赶尽杀绝。”轰鸣的雷声渐渐远去。 "How nice!" She said. “太棒了!”她说。 "Quite nice! To contemplate the extermination of the human species and the long pause that follows before some other species crops up, it calms you more than anything else. And if we go on in this way, with everybody, intellectuals, artists, government, industrialists and workers all frantically killing off the last human feeling, the last bit of their intuition, the last healthy instinct; if it goes on in algebraical progression, as it is going on: then ta-tah! To the human species! Goodbye! Darling! The serpent swallows itself and leaves a void, considerably messed up, but not hopeless. Very nice! When savage wild dogs bark in Wragby, and savage wild pit-ponies stamp on Tevershall pit-bank! TE DEUM LAUDAMUS!” Connie laughed, but not very happily. “棒极了!试想一下,人类最终灭绝后,其他物种出现前,地球将经历漫长的空白阶段,这比任何事都能令你感到平静。如果现在的状况继续下去,所有人,知识分子、艺术家、政府官员、实业家以及工人阶级,都陷入疯狂的境地,将人类仅存的情感、直觉,以及残余的健康本能彻底消灭。如果这种情况如代数式般蔓延开来,正如当下这样,那么就拜拜吧!跟人类说拜拜吧!再见!亲爱的!蛇将自己吞掉,只留虚空,虽说情况好似乱麻,但并非全无希望。太棒了!凶神恶煞的野狗在拉格比狂吠,野马践踏着特弗沙尔的矿坑!赞美你,主啊!”康妮露出笑容,但却有几分苦涩。 "Then you ought to be pleased that they are all bolshevists," she said. "You ought to be pleased that they hurry on towards the end." "So I am. I don't stop 'em. Because I couldn't if I would.” "Then why are you so bitter?" "I'm not! If my cock gives its last crow, I don't mind.” "But if you have a child?" she said. “人人都变成布尔什维克,你应该感到开心才对。”她说。“大家争先恐后地赴死,你应该感到快乐。”“是的。我不会劝阻他们。因为我爱莫能助。”“那你为什么这样痛苦?”“我没有!即使我的雄鸡发出最后的悲啼,我也无所谓。”“可要是你有个孩子呢?”她问。 He dropped his head. 他垂下头。 "Why," he said at last. "It seems to me a wrong and bitter thing to do, to bring a child into this world." "No! Don't say it! Don't say it!” She pleaded. "I think I'm going to have one. Say you'll he pleased." she laid her hand on his. “唉,”他终于说。“对我而言,将无辜的孩子带到这个腐朽的世界,简直就是造孽。”“不!别这么说!别这么说!”她央求着。“我想我就快有个宝宝了。告诉我你会很开心。”她握住他的手。 "I'm pleased for you to be pleased," he said. "But for me it seems a ghastly treachery to the unborn creature. “你开心我就会开心。”他说。“但我觉得那实在太对不起未出世的孩子。” "Ah no!" She said, shocked. "Then you can't ever really want me! You can't want me, if you feel that!” “噢,不!”她说,情绪异常激动。“那就是说,你从未真正想过拥有我!如果你那样想,便从未真正想要我!” Again he was silent, his face sullen. Outside there was only the threshing of the rain. 他再度陷入沉默,板起面孔。外面只剩噼啪的雨声。 "It's not quite true!” She whispered. "It's not quite true! There's another truth." she felt he was bitter now partly because she was leaving him, deliberately going away to Venice. And this half pleased her. “这不是真的!”她低声说。“这不是真的!肯定还有别的原因。”她觉得他之所以如此痛苦,部分也是因为舍不得自己远赴威尼斯。这不禁让她暗自得意。 She pulled open his clothing and uncovered his belly, and kissed his navel. Then she laid her cheek on his belly and pressed her arm round his warm, silent loins. They were alone in the flood. 她拉开他的上衣,露出小腹,在他的肚脐上亲吻着。接着,她把脸颊贴在他的小腹上,紧紧搂住他温热娴静的腰身。滚滚洪流中,只剩他二人相依为命。 "Tell me you want a child, in hope!" She murmured, pressing her face against his belly. "Tell me you do!" "Why!" He said at last: and she felt the curious quiver of changing consciousness and relaxation going through his body. "Why I've thought sometimes if one but tried, here among th'colliers even! They're workin' bad now, an' not earnin' much. If a man could say to 'em: Dunna think o' nowt but th' money. When it comes ter WANTS, we want but little. Let's not live for money—” She softly rubbed her cheek on his belly, and gathered his balls in her hand. The penis stirred softly, with strange life, but did not rise up. The rain beat bruisingly outside. “告诉我你想要个孩子,期盼有个孩子!”她咕哝着,脸部挤压着他的小腹。“告诉我你这么想!”“唉!”他总算做出回应,她感觉到他的身体奇异地颤抖着,似乎是因为想法正发生变化,情绪慢慢放松下来。“有时候我会想,总要有人敢于尝试,甚至是在矿工们中间!他们几乎无活可干,也挣不到什么钱。如果有人对他们说:别光想着钱。若说到需要,我们需要的其实并不多。只是别再为钱而活……”她的脸颊在他的小腹上温柔地磨蹭,将他的睾丸握在手中。柔软的阴茎微微颤动着,但却并未变得坚挺。雨水肆意敲打着外面的世界。 "Let's live for summat else. Let's not live ter make money, neither for us-selves nor for anybody else. Now we're forced to. We're forced to make a bit for us-selves, an'a fair lot for th'bosses. Let's stop it! Bit by bit, let's stop it. We needn't rant an'rave. Bit by bit, let's drop the whole industrial life an'go back. The least little bit o'money'll do. For everybody, me an'you, bosses an'masters, even th'king. The least little bit o'money'll really do. Just make up your mind to it, an'you've got out o'th'mess." he paused, then went on: "An' I'd tell 'em: Look! Look at Joe! He moves lovely! Look how he moves, alive and aware. He's beautiful! An'look at Jonah! He's clumsy, he's ugly, because he's niver willin'to rouse himself I'd tell 'em: look! Look at yourselves! One shoulder higher than t' other, legs twisted, feet all lumps! What have yer done ter yerselves, wI'the blasted work? Spoilt yerselves. No need to work that much. Take yer clothes off an' look at yourselves. Yer ought ter be alive an' beautiful, an' yer ugly an'half dead. So I'd tell 'em. An' I'd get my men to wear different clothes: appen close red trousers, bright red, an'little short white jackets. Why, if men had red, fine legs, that alone would change them in a month. They'd begin to be men again, to be men! An'the women could dress as they liked. Because if once the men walked with legs close bright scarlet, and buttocks nice and showing scarlet under a little white jacket: then the women 'ud begin to be women. It's because th'men aren't men, that th'women have to be.—An'in time pull down Tevershall and build a few beautiful buildings, that would hold us all. An' clean the country up again. An' not have many children, because the world is overcrowded. “让我们为别的东西而活。别再为挣钱而活,不管是为自己挣钱还是为别人挣钱。现在,我们都是不得已而为之。挣到的钱少部分归自己,绝大多数进入老板的腰包,我们迫不得已接受这种现状。不能再继续下去!让我们逐渐做出改变。我们无需咆哮,无需怒吼。让我们一步步抛弃工业化的生活,返朴归真。说到钱,其实仅需一点,便可维持生计。对所有人而言都是如此,无论你我,王孙贵胄,甚至是高高在上的君主。只需最微薄的金钱便可过活。只要下定决心,就能跳脱出这泥沼。”他稍作停顿,又接着说:“我会这样对他们说:瞅瞅!瞅瞅乔吧!他走路的样子真美!活力四射,灵活敏捷。他多么潇洒!再瞧瞧约拿!他笨拙丑陋,因为从不愿高昂起头。我会对他们说:看吧!看看你们自己!肩膀高低不齐,走路伸不直腿,迈不开步!这天杀的工作究竟将你们折腾成啥样子?你们自取灭亡。根本无需如此拼命地劳作。脱掉衣裳,看看你们的身躯。你们本该充满活力与美感,但却丑陋无比,半死不活。我会这样对他们说。我会让乡亲们穿上与众不同的衣衫:鲜红色的紧身裤,配小巧的白色短夹克。穿上红色紧身裤,只消一个月,男人们便能改头换面。他们将重新成为男人,成为男子汉!女人穿什么则随意。因为如果男人穿着鲜红色紧身裤,走起路来,白夹克下面那诱人的屁股蛋儿若隐若现,女人也就会变回女人。因为男人不是男人,女人自然也非女人。——最后,将特弗沙尔夷为平地,盖几栋美轮美奂的大厦,大家在里面安居乐业。将乡野涤荡一清。别生太多孩子,因为世界已经过于拥挤。” "But I wouldn't preach to the men: only strip 'em an' say: look at yourselves! That's workin'for money! Hark at yourselves! That's working for money. You've been working for money! Look at Tevershall! It's horrible. That's because it was built while you was working for money. Look at your girls! They don't care about you, you don't care about them. It's because you've spent your time working an'caring for money. You can't talk nor move nor live, you can't properly be with a woman. You're not alive. Look at yourselves!” There fell a complete silence. Connie was half listening, and threading in the hair at the root of his belly a few forget-me-nots that she had gathered on the way to the hut. Outside, the world had gone still, and a little icy. “我没有说教的意思,只是想剥去他们的旧皮囊,告诉大家:瞧瞧你们的可怜相!这就是为金钱卖命的结果!听听你们的蠢话!这就是为金钱奔忙的下场。你们始终为金钱卖命!看看特弗沙尔!已经成为如此可怖的地方!那是因为你们只顾为钱奔忙,根本无暇建设自己的家园。看看你们的女人!她们不关心你们,你们也不在意她们。因为你们将时间都用来赚钱,心里只在乎金钱。你们说不好话,走不好路,过不好日子,甚至连自己的女人都满足不了。你们全无活力。看看你们的窝囊样!”两人都不再做声。康妮听他说话时有些心不在焉,手拿来时路上采撷的几朵勿忘我,穿过他小腹根部的毛丛。外面的世界已经陷入寂静,微露寒意。 "You've got four kinds of hair," she said to him. "On your chest it's nearly black, and your hair isn't dark on your head: but your moustache is hard and dark red, and your hair here, your love-hair, is like a little brush of bright red-gold mistletoe. It's the loveliest of all!” “你的毛发有四种颜色。”她对他说。“黑色的胸毛,褐色的头发,暗红色的硬胡茬,而这儿的毛发,你的阴毛,则好像一小丛金红色的槲寄生。而它也是所有毛发中最美丽的!” He looked down and saw the milky bits of forget-me-nots in the hair on his groin. 他低头看着自己的腹股沟,阴毛丛中绽放着几朵乳白色的勿忘我。 "Ay! That's where to put forget-me-nots, in the man-hair, or the maiden-hair. But don't you care about the future?” She looked up at him. “唉!这儿真是摆放勿忘我的佳处,不管男女。可难道你丝毫不关心未来吗?”她抬头望着他。 "Oh, I do, terribly!" She said. “噢,当然,我非常关心将来!”她说。 "Because when I feel the human world is doomed, has doomed itself by its own mingy beastliness, then I feel the Colonies aren't far enough. The moon wouldn't be far enough, because even there you could look back and see the earth, dirty, beastly, unsavoury among all the stars: made foul by men. Then I feel I've swallowed gall, and it's eating my inside out, and nowhere's far enough away to get away. But when I get a turn, I forget it all again. Though it's a shame, what's been done to people these last hundred years: men turned into nothing but labour-insects, and all their manhood taken away, and all their real life. I'd wipe the machines off the face of the earth again, and end the industrial epoch absolutely, like a black mistake. But since I can't, an' nobody can, I'd better hold my peace, an' try an'live my own life: if I've got one to live, which I rather doubt.” The thunder had ceased outside, but the rain which had abated, suddenly came striking down, with a last blench of lightning and mutter of departing storm. Connie was uneasy. He had talked so long now, and he was really talking to himself not to her. Despair seemed to come down on him completely, and she was feeling happy, she hated despair. She knew her leaving him, which he had only just realized inside himself had plunged him back into this mood. And she triumphed a little. “因为我深知,人类卑劣的兽性已经不可救药,世界注定难逃覆灭,我觉得自己距离殖民地并不遥远。月亮也并非遥不可及,因为甚至在那儿,你也可回望地球,审视繁星中的这颗行星,因为人类的罪孽,变得如此肮脏野蛮,令人生厌。那时,我感觉自己满心怨恨,灵魂彻底被吞噬,去哪里避难都不嫌远。但转念一想,又会将一切都抛诸脑后。虽然近百年来,统治阶层对劳苦大众的所作所为可耻到极点。人们变成只知劳作的昆虫,男子气概荡然无存,美好的生活全被剥夺。我希望将机器从地球表面清除干净,彻底终结工业时代,像修正荒谬的错误。但我做不到,没人做得到,我只好保持沉默,尝试过只属于自己的生活,当然,这种生活是否存在,我始终抱有怀疑。”外面的雷声已息,但先前渐弱的雨刹那间再度倾泻如注,伴随着最后的厉闪,以及渐渐远去的闷雷。康妮不安起来。他刚才的滔滔不绝,只是在自说自话,而并非对她倾诉。绝望的情绪似乎完全将他攫住,但她却暗自开心,她憎恶绝望。她知道自己将要离开他,而他的内心也已品尝到离别的苦楚,这让他再度陷入痛苦绝望的情绪里。而她则觉得有几分得意。 She opened the door and looked at the straight heavy rain, like a steel curtain, and had a sudden desire to rush out into it, to rush away. She got up, and began swiftly pulling off her stockings, then her dress and underclothing, and he held his breath. Her pointed keen animal breasts tipped and stirred as she moved. She was ivory-coloured in the greenish light. She slipped on her rubber shoes again and ran out with a wild little laugh, holding up her breasts to the heavy rain and spreading her arms, and running blurred in the rain with the eurhythmic dance movements she had learned so long ago in Dresden. It was a strange pallid figure lifting and falling, bending so the rain beat and glistened on the full haunches, swaying up again and coming belly-forward through the rain, then stooping again so that only the full loins and buttocks were offered in a kind of homage towards him, repeating a wild obeisance. 她敞开门,望着屋外滂沱的大雨,心里突然蹦出个念头,想冲出去,冲破这张铁幕。她站起身来,快速剥去长袜,脱掉裙子和内衣,身旁的他则屏住了呼吸。那壮实、高耸的乳房,随着她的动作而摇摆起伏。淡绿色的夜光中,她呈现出象牙般的色泽。她再度蹬上橡胶鞋,发出些狂野的笑声,挺着胸膛,张开臂膀,跑进朦胧的雨水里,跳起昔日在德累斯顿学到的韵律舞蹈。她变成个奇异的灰影,忽高忽低,时弯时直,雨水洒落在她饱满的臀部,闪烁着耀目的光芒。她猛地后仰起身躯,将小腹迎向暴雨,接着有向前弓起身体,将整个腰臀都暴露在他的眼前,向他表示敬意,重复着野性的礼仪。 He laughed wryly, and threw off his clothes. It was too much. He jumped out, naked and white, with a little shiver, into the hard slanting rain. Flossie sprang before him with a frantic little bark. Connie, her hair all wet and sticking to her head, turned her hot face and saw him. Her blue eyes blazed with excitement as she turned and ran fast, with a strange charging movement, out of the clearing and down the path, the wet boughs whipping her. She ran, and he saw nothing but the round wet head, the wet back leaning forward in flight, the rounded buttocks twinkling: a wonderful cowering female nakedness in flight. 他怪笑着,除去自己身上的负累。简直妙不可言。他白皙的裸体微微战栗着,跳出小屋,冲进斜注的暴雨里。弗洛西先他一步冲出屋门,发出短促的狂吠。康妮湿透的秀发贴在头上,她转过热气腾腾的面庞,看到紧随其后的他。她转过身,以冲刺的速度怪异地向前飞奔,冲出林间空地,跑上通幽小径,任潮湿的枝条抽打着她的身体,但那对蓝色的眸子闪着兴奋的光芒。她奔跑着,而在他眼中,只看到湿漉漉浑圆的后脑,前倾飞奔着的脊背,晶莹闪亮的饱满臀丘:一位受惊逃遁的裸体美妇。 She was nearly at the wide riding when he came up and flung his naked arm round her soft, naked-wet middle. She gave a shriek and straightened herself and the heap of her soft, chill flesh came up against his body. He pressed it all up against him, madly, the heap of soft, chilled female flesh that became quickly warm as flame, in contact. The rain streamed on them till they smoked. He gathered her lovely, heavy posteriors one in each hand and pressed them in towards him in a frenzy, quivering motionless in the rain. Then suddenly he tipped her up and fell with her on the path, in the roaring silence of the rain, and short and sharp, he took her, short and sharp and finished, like an animal. 没等她跑到宽阔的马道,他已经追上来,伸出赤裸的双臂,搂住那光溜溜的柔软腰肢。她发出尖叫,挺直身体,温柔但却冰冷的肉体紧紧抵住他的身躯。他发狂似的抱住这娇躯,两具肉体交缠在一起,立刻甩却寒意,变得如火焰般炽热。雨水浇注在两人身上,升腾起阵阵雾气。他紧紧抓住那沉甸甸的美妙臀丘,疯狂地将它们压向自己的身体,在雨中颤抖着,动也不动。接着,他突然将她抱起,双双倒在地上。咆哮的雨声将这方天地遮蔽得格外静谧。他如同野兽般,迅速而猛烈地将她占有,又迅速而猛烈地完结。 He got up in an instant, wiping the rain from his eyes. 完事后,他立即站起身来,擦去蒙住眼睛的雨水。 "Come in," he said, and they started running back to the hut. He ran straight and swift: he didn't like the rain. But she came slower, gathering forget-me-nots and campion and bluebells, running a few steps and watching him fleeing away from her. “回屋去吧。”他说完,便与她一道往小屋跑去。他健步如飞,不做任何停留,因为并不喜欢雨水。但她却跑得慢些,采摘着勿忘我、剪秋萝和风铃草,没跑几步,就眼睁睁看着他消失在视线之外。 When she came with her flowers, panting to the hut, he had already started a fire, and the twigs were crackling. Her sharp breasts rose and fell, her hair was plastered down with rain, her face was flushed ruddy and her body glistened and trickled. Wide-eyed and breathless, with a small wet head and full, trickling, naïve haunches, she looked another creature. 当她捧着花,气喘吁吁地回到小屋,他已经燃起炉火,柴枝烧得噼啪直响。她坚挺的胸部高低起伏,湿透的秀发紧贴着身体,脸庞绯红,娇躯闪亮,淌着涓涓细流。她瞪大眼睛,呼吸急促,小圆脑袋湿漉漉的,纯洁丰盈的臀部滴着水,看上去像是天外来客。 He took the old sheet and rubbed her down, she standing like a child. Then he rubbed himself having shut the door of the hut. The fire was blazing up. She ducked her head in the other end of the sheet, and rubbed her wet hair. 他拿出条旧床单,为她拭去雨水,而她站立的姿势像个孩子。他关上屋门,接着将自己擦干。炉火熊熊燃烧着。她垂下头,用床单的另一端擦拭着发丝。 "We're drying ourselves together on the same towel, we shall quarrel!" he said. “我们用同条毛巾擦拭身体,这可是争吵的前兆!”他说。 She looked up for a moment, her hair all odds and ends. 她抬头端详了一会儿,头发乱蓬蓬的。 "No!" “不对!” She said, her eyes wide. "It's not a towel, it's a sheet.” And she went on busily rubbing her head, while he busily rubbed his. 她睁大眼睛,说。“那不是毛巾,是床单。”两人都忙着擦干自己的头发。 Still panting with their exertions, each wrapped in an army blanket, but the front of the body open to the fire, they sat on a log side by side before the blaze, to get quiet. Connie hated the feel of the blanket against her skin. But now the sheet was all wet. 刚才的鏖战让他们仍旧不住地喘息,两人各裹着一条军毯,肩并肩坐在炉火前的一根圆木上,身体的前端朝向火焰,都不做声。康妮讨厌毯子裹住皮肤的感觉。但此时床单已经湿透。 She dropped her blanket and kneeled on the clay hearth, holding her head to the fire, and shaking her hair to dry it. He watched the beautiful curving drop of her haunches. That fascinated him today. How it sloped with a rich down-slope to the heavy roundness of her buttocks! And in between, folded in the secret warmth, the secret entrances! 她丢开军毯,跪在粘土夯成的炉边,将头前倾,拨弄着自己的秀发,想要烘干它们。他凝望着她美妙的臀部曲线。今天令他意乱情迷的正是这里。那曲线顺着两片沉重饱满的臀丘倾斜而下。而两股之间,则隐藏着神秘温热的入口! He stroked her tail with his hand, long and subtly taking in the curves and the globe-fullness. 他爱抚着她的臀部,动作轻缓温柔,享受着那曼妙的曲线以及丰满的臀球。 "Tha's got such a nice tail on thee," he said, in the throaty caressive dialect. "Tha's got the nicest arse of anybody. It's the nicest, nicest woman's arse as is! An'ivery bit of it is woman, woman sure as nuts. Tha'rt not one o'them button-arsed lasses as should be lads, are ter! Tha's got a real soft sloping bottom on thee, as a man loves in 'is guts. It's a bottom as could hold the world up, it is!” All the while he spoke he exquisitely stroked the rounded tail, till it seemed as if a slippery sort of fire came from it into his hands. And his finger-tips touched the two secret openings to her body, time after time, with a soft little brush of fire. “恁的屁股太棒了。”他说,喉音极重的方言饱含这柔情。“恁拥有人间最美丽的屁股。这是世上最妙不可言的屁股!每一寸肌肤都展现出女性的魅力,让人神魂颠倒。恁可不像那些屁股好似钮扣的女孩,她们跟男人没啥两样。恁的屁股柔如无骨,曲线玲珑,让男人心驰神往。若没有它,整个世界将失去平衡!”他边说,边热烈地抚摸着那浑圆的臀部,慢慢感觉到一股飘忽的火焰从其间升腾而起,烤炙着他的双手。他的指尖轻触那两个秘密洞穴,反复游移,温柔的欲火撩拨着彼此的心灵。 "An' if tha shits an'if tha pisses, I'm glad. I don't want a woman as couldna shit nor piss.” Connie could not help a sudden snort of astonished laughter, but he went on unmoved. “要是恁能拉点屎,或者撒泡尿,我准会高兴的。我可不想要个不拉不尿的圣女。”康妮按耐不住心中的诧异,笑得前仰后合,但他却丝毫不为所动。 "Tha 'rt real, tha art! Tha 'art real, even a bit of a bitch. Here tha shits an'here tha pisses: an'I lay my hand on 'em both an'like thee for it. I like thee for it. Tha's got a proper, woman's arse, proud of itself. It's none ashamed of itself this isna.” He laid his hand close and firm over her secret places, in a kind of close greeting. “恁毫不造作,无比真实!真实得甚至有些淫荡。这是恁拉屎的地儿,这是恁撒尿的地儿,俺用手盖住这两处,它们让俺更加爱恁。它们让俺对恁更加着迷。恁的屁股浑然天成,女人的性感十足,自傲啊。它倒是真没什么可羞愧的地方。”他的手按压着那两点秘处,像是致以亲切的问候。 "I like it," he said. "I like it! An'if I only lived ten minutes, an' stroked thy arse an' got to know it, I should reckon I'd lived one life, see ter! Industrial system or not! Here's one o'my lifetimes.” She turned round and climbed into his lap, clinging to him. "Kiss me! "she whispered. “我爱它。”他说。“我爱它!要是俺只剩十分钟命,却能抚摸这美臀,与它变得熟稔,这辈子也算没白活了。恁晓得吗?管它工业制度,还是别的什么!今天是俺生命中足可铭记的日子。”她转过身,趴在他的大腿上,紧紧依偎着他。“吻我!”她柔声说。 And she knew the thought of their separation was latent in both their minds, and at last she was sad. 她明白彼此的心中充满离愁别绪,她也体味到悲伤的感觉。 She sat on his thighs, her head against his breast, and her ivory-gleaming legs loosely apart, the fire glowing unequally upon them. Sitting with his head dropped, he looked at the folds of her body in the fire-glow, and at the fleece of soft brown hair that hung down to a point between her open thighs. He reached to the table behind, and took up her bunch of flowers, still so wet that drops of rain fell on to her. 她坐在他的大腿上,头靠着他的胸膛,慵懒分开的双腿闪烁着淡黄色的光芒,炉火或明或暗地映红了两人的身躯。在火光的照耀下,他低头看着她曼妙的身姿,看着那簇柔软的褐色毛发,蔓延于敞开的双股间,直抵那幽深的洞穴。他把手伸到桌子后面,拿起她采撷的那束鲜花,花朵依然湿润,数滴雨水滴落在她身上。 "Flowers stops out of doors all weathers," he said. "They have no houses." "Not even a hut!" She murmured. “无论刮风下雨,花儿都呆在屋外。”他说。“它们都无家可归。”“甚至连这样的栖身之处都没有!”她喃喃地说。 With quiet fingers he threaded a few forget-me-not flowers in the fine brown fleece of the mound of Venus. 他静静地拿过几朵勿忘我,塞进她私处褐色的毛丛里。 "There!" He said. "There's forget-me-nots in the right place!” She looked down at the milky odd little flowers among the brown maiden-hair at the lower tip of her body. “看!”他说。“这儿是勿忘我盛放的理想所在!”她低头看着自己下身的褐色毛丛,还有点缀其间的乳白色小花。 "Doesn't it look pretty!” She said. “多么美丽呀!”她赞叹道。 "Pretty as life," he replied. “美丽且充满生机。”他回应道。 And he stuck a pink campion-bud among the hair. 他摘下一朵剪秋萝,放在那丛毛里。 "There! That's me where you won't forget me! That's Moses in the bull-rushes.” "You don't mind, do you, that I'm going away?” She asked wistfully, looking up into his face. “那儿!那是我让你铭记的地方!那好似旷野中呼号的摩西。”“我要离开这里,你不会介意,对吗?”她仰头望着他的脸庞,忧郁地问。 But his face was inscrutable, under the heavy brows. He kept it quite blank. 但他眉头紧锁,面容让人无法琢磨。他的脸上看不到半点表情。 "You do as you wish," he said. “你想的话,就去吧。”他说。 And he spoke in good English. 他换上纯正的英语。 "But I won't go if you don't wish it," she said, clinging to him. “如果你不想我走,我就留下来。”她说,紧紧偎在他的怀里。 There was silence. He leaned and put another piece of wood on the fire. The flame glowed on his silent, abstracted face. She waited, but he said nothing. 沉默降临。他俯身往炉火中添柴。火光照耀着他静默沉思的面庞。她等待着,但他闭口不言。 "Only I thought it would be a good way to begin a break with Clifford. I do want a child. And it would give me a chance to, to—," she resumed. “我之所以要这样做,只是想找机会与克利福德分道扬镳。我真的想要个孩子。这次出行对我来说是个契机,让……”她继续说道。 "To let them think a few lies," he said. “让他们相信编造的谎言。”他说。 "Yes, that among other things. Do you want them to think the truth?" "I don't care what they think.” "I do! I don't want them handling me with their unpleasant cold minds, not while I'm still at Wragby. They can think what they like when I'm finally gone.” He was silent. “是的,这也是理由之一。难道你想让他们知道真相?”“我不在乎他们怎么想。”“我在乎!我不愿面对他们的冰冷心肠,尤其是我还留在拉格比的时候。我远走高飞之后,他们爱怎么想都无所谓。”他并未搭话。 "But Sir Clifford expects you to come back to him?" "Oh, I must come back," she said: and there was silence. “可克利福德爵士还满怀希望,盼着你能回到他身边?”“哦,我肯定会回来。”她说,他再度沉默不语。 "And would you have a child in Wragby?" He asked. “你想在拉格比生孩子吗?”他问。 She closed her arm round his neck. 她揽住他的脖项。 "If you wouldn't take me away, I should have to," she said. “要是你不愿带我远遁他乡,我只好如此。”她说。 "Take you where to?" "Anywhere! Away! But right away from Wragby." "When?" "Why, when I come back." "But what's the good of coming back, doing the thing twice, if you're once gone?” He said. “带你去哪里?”“哪里都行!离开这里!只要离开拉格比。”“什么时候?”“哦,等我回来的时候。”“可回来有什么好处呢?既然你已经离开,何苦重蹈覆辙?”他问。 "Oh, I must come back. I've promised! I've promised so faithfully. Besides, I come back to you, really.” "To your husband's game-keeper?” "I don't see that that matters," she said. “噢,我必须回来。因为我已许下诺言!那样真诚地许下诺言。而且,我回来其实是为了你。”“为了你丈夫的守林人?”“依我看,这没什么可大惊小怪的。”她说。 "No?" He mused a while. "And when would you think of going away again, then; finally? When exactly?" "Oh, I don't know. I'd come back from Venice. And then we'd prepare everything.” "How prepare?" "Oh, I'd tell Clifford. I'd have to tell him.” "Would you!" He remained silent. She put her arms round his neck. “是吗?”他沉思片刻。“那你打算什么时候再度离开,永诀拉格比?告诉我确切的时间。”“噢,我不知道。我从威尼斯回来。我们便可着手准备。”“怎么准备?”“哦,我得告诉克利福德。我得跟克利福德摊牌。”“真的吗?”他不再说话。她伸开双臂,搂住他的脖子。 "Don't make it difficult for me," she pleaded. “不要让我为难。”她央求着。 "Make what difficult?" "For me to go to Venice and arrange things." A little smile, half a grin, flickered on his face. “为难什么?”“前往威尼斯,安排好以后的一切。”一丝苦笑在他的脸上闪过。 "I don't make it difficult," he said. "I only want to find out just what you are after. But you don't really know yourself. You want to take time: get away and look at it. I don't blame you. I think you're wise. You may prefer to stay mistress of Wragby. I don't blame you. I've no Wragbys to offer. In fact, you know what you'll get out of me. No, no, I think you're right! I really do! And I'm not keen on coming to live on you, being kept by you. There's that too.” She felt somehow as if he were giving her tit for tat. “我不会让你为难。”他说。“我只想弄清楚你真正的目的。可连你自己都不知道答案。你只是想争取时间,逃离此地,重新审视整件事。我不会责怪你。我觉得这样做很明智。你尽可以做回拉格比的女主人。我不会责怪你。我可没有拉格比来提供给你。其实,你明白能从我这里得到什么。不,不,我认为你是对的!我的确这样想!而且,我并不愿靠你养活,让你维系。这也是需要深思的问题。”她觉得他似乎是故意跟自己作对。 "But you want me, don't you?” She asked. “可你要我,不是吗?”她追问道。 "Do you want me?" "You know I do. That's evident.” "Quite! And WHEN do you want me?" "You know we can arrange it all when I come back. Now I'm out of breath with you. I must get calm and clear.” "Quite! Get calm and clear!" “你想要我吗?”“你知道我想。这显而易见。”“很好!那你打算什么时候要我?”“你清楚,我从威尼斯回来以后,咱俩便可安排一切。现在我被你逼得喘不过气。我必须冷静下来,理清头绪。”“很好!冷静下来,理清头绪!” She was a little offended. 她有些恼火。 "But you trust me, don't you?” She said. “可你信任我,对吗?”她问。 "Oh, absolutely!" She heard the mockery in his tone. “哦,那是当然!”她听得出,他的腔调中含有讥讽。 "Tell me then," she said flatly; "do you think it would be better if I don't go to Venice?” "I'm sure it's better if you do go to Venice," he replied in the cool, slightly mocking voice. “那么告诉我,”她直截了当地说,“你认为我不去威尼斯更好些吗?”“我敢打包票,你还是去为好。”他冷漠的声音里,依然带有讽刺的意味。 "You know it's next Thursday?” She said. “你知道我下周四动身?”她问。 "Yes!" She now began to muse. At last she said: "And we shall know better where we are when I come back, shan't we?” "Oh surely!" The curious gulf of silence between them! “是的!”她陷入沉思。最后,她说:“等我回来,咱俩会更加明晰彼此的想法,是吗?”“噢,那当然!”沉默的深渊将两人莫名地远远隔开! "I've been to the lawyer about my divorce," he said, a little constrainedly. “关于离婚的事,我已经咨询过律师。”他说,表情显得有些不自然。 She gave a slight shudder. 她微微战栗了一下。 "Have you!" she said. "And what did he say?" "He said I ought to have done it before; that may be a difficulty. But since I was in the army, he thinks it will go through all right. If only it doesn't bring her down on my head!” "Will she have to know?" "Yes! She is served with a notice: so is the man she lives with, the co-respondent.” "Isn't it hateful, all the performances! I suppose I'd have to go through it with Clifford.” There was a silence. “是吗!”她说。“律师怎么说?”“他说我该早先就着手,现在办理起来有些困难。但由于我当过兵,他觉得最终应该可以办妥。只希望别因为离婚的事,她又跑来纠缠不清!”“不能瞒着她吗?”“是的!她会接到传票,与她同居的家伙也一样,他是共同被告。”“这些繁文缛节还真是讨厌!我和克利福德恐怕也要照章办事。”沉默再度降临。 "And of course," he said, "I have to live an exemplary life for the next six or eight months. So if you go to Venice, there's temptation removed for a week or two, at least.” "Am I temptation! "She said, stroking his face. "I'm so glad I'm temptation to you! Don't let's think about it! You frighten me when you start thinking: you roll me out flat. Don't let's think about it. We can think so much when we are apart. That's the whole point! I've been thinking, I must come to you for another night before I go. I MUST come once more to the cottage. Shall I come on Thursday night?” "Isn't that when your sister will be there?” "Yes! But she said we would start at tea-time. So we could start at tea-time. But she could sleep somewhere else and I could sleep with you. “当然,”他说,“未来的六到八个月,我必须过规矩的生活。因此,你去威尼斯,至少能保证我在一两周时间内远离诱惑。”“我是诱惑呀!”她边说,边抚摸着他的脸。“你会这样想,我真开心!别再思前想后了。每当你开始思考,我就会感到害怕,生怕那汹涌的思绪会把我碾平。别再想了。分别之后,我们有足够的时间考虑。这才是关键所在!我曾想过,动身之前,无论如何也要再与你共度一晚。无论如何,也要再去一次你家。周四晚上怎么样?”“那天你姐姐不是要来吗?”“没错!可她说,我们会在下午茶的时间启程。我们应该会准时出发。可她可以去别处过夜,而我要来陪你。” "But then she'd have to know.” "Oh, I shall tell her. I've more or less told her already. I must talk it all over with Hilda. She's a great help, so sensible.” He was thinking of her plan. “但这样一来,她就会知道事情的原委。”“哦,我没打算瞒她。之前也已经多少透露过。我得原原本本地跟希尔达谈谈这事。她很有主意,能帮上大忙。”他掂量着她的计划。 "So you'd start off from Wragby at tea-time, as if you were going to London? Which way were you going?” "By Nottingham and Grantham." "And then your sister would drop you somewhere and you'd walk or drive back here? Sounds very risky, to me.” "Does it? Well, then, Hilda could bring me back. She could sleep at Mansfield, and bring me back here in the evening, and fetch me again in the morning. It's quite easy.” "And the people who see you?" "I'll wear goggles and a veil.” He pondered for some time. “这么说,你们下午茶的时候从拉格比动身,样子是要去伦敦?走哪条路?”“经过诺丁汉和格兰瑟姆。”“你从半道跟姐姐分别,再走路或者坐车回到这里?我认为这样过于冒险。”“是吗?哦,那么,希尔达可以送我回来。她去曼斯菲尔德过夜,傍晚时分送我来这儿,清晨再过来接我。这样没什么问题。”“可万一被别人发现?”“我会戴上风镜,罩着面纱。”他又沉思半晌。 "Well," he said. "You please yourself as usual." "But wouldn't it please you?” "Oh yes! It'd please me all right," he said a little grimly. "I might as well smite while the iron's hot.” "Do you know what I thought?" she said suddenly. "It suddenly came to me. You are the 'Knight of the Burning Pestle'!” "Ay! And you? Are you the Lady of the Red-Hot Mortar?” "Yes! "She said. "Yes! You're Sir Pestle and I'm Lady Mortar.” "All right, then I'm knighted. John Thomas is Sir John, to your Lady Jane.” "Yes! John Thomas is knighted! I'm my-lady-maiden-hair, and you must have flowers too. Yes!” She threaded two pink campions in the bush of red-gold hair above his penis. “好吧。”他说。“就依你吧,跟往常一样。”“可难道你不喜欢这计划吗?”“噢,当然喜欢。我很喜欢这样的安排。”他的语调有些低落。“或许我也应该趁热打铁。”“你知道我在想什么?”她突然问道。“是我突然想到的。你是位‘火杵骑士’!”“呵!你呢?你不就是‘热臼夫人’”“恰如其分!”她说。“太贴切了!你是杵骑士,我是臼夫人。”“那好,我也拥有爵位了。约翰·托马斯荣升约翰爵士,正好与简夫人相配。”“对呀!约翰·托马斯获得爵位!我自封阴毛夫人,你也该在那儿插上几朵花。就这样!”她拿过两朵粉色的剪秋萝,穿进他金红色的阴毛丛中。 "There!" She said. "Charming! Charming! Sir John!" And she pushed a bit of forget-me-not in the dark hair of his breast. “看呢!”她感叹道。“多么迷人!多么美丽!约翰爵士!”她又在他黑色的胸毛里塞了朵勿忘我。 "And you won't forget me there, will you?” She kissed him on the breast, and made two bits of forget-me-not lodge one over each nipple, kissing him again. “你不会忘记我,对吗?”她亲吻着他的胸膛,将两朵勿忘我按压在乳头上,然后再度吻他。 "Make a calendar of me!" He said. He laughed, and the flowers shook from his breast. “把我当成日历吧!”他说。他笑出声来,胸前的花颤落下来。 "Wait a bit!" He said. “稍等一会儿!”他说。 He rose, and opened the door of the hut. Flossie, lying in the porch, got up and looked at him. 他站起身,打开屋门。弗洛西原本趴在门廊上,闻声立起身子,望着自己的主人。 "Ay, it's me!” He said. “嘿,是我!”他说。 The rain had ceased. There was a wet, heavy, perfumed stillness. Evening was approaching. 雨已经停了。雨后的空气变得湿润沉滞,静谧芬芳。眼看就要傍晚。 He went out and down the little path in the opposite direction from the riding. Connie watched his thin, white figure, and it looked to her like a ghost, an apparition moving away from her. 他踏出屋门,沿着那条与马道反向的小径往下走去。康妮凝望着他纤瘦白皙的背影,感觉眼中出现的是个幽灵,渐渐离她远去的幻影。 When she could see it no more, her heart sank. She stood in the door of the hut, with a blanket round her, looking into the drenched, motionless silence. 当他的身影彻底从视线中消失,她的心沉到谷底。她独自站在小屋门口,裹着毯子,注视着被雨水滋润过后的树林,它是那样安详寂静。 But he was coming back, trotting strangely, and carrying flowers. She was a little afraid of him, as if he were not quite human. And when he came near, his eyes looked into hers, but she could not understand the meaning. 可他再度出现,一反常态地小跑着,手里捧着鲜花。她感觉有些慌张,似乎他真的是飘荡的孤魂。他来到切近,两人的目光交汇,但她却读不懂他的眼神。 He had brought columbines and campions, and new-mown hay, and oak-tufts and honeysuckle in small bud. He fastened fluffy young oak-sprays round her breasts, sticking in tufts of bluebells and campion: and in her navel he poised a pink campion flower, and in her maiden-hair were forget-me-nots and woodruff. 他捧回的是耧斗菜,剪秋萝,新割的牧草,橡树的嫩枝,以及含苞待放的金银花。他将生满绒毛的橡树嫩枝系在她的乳房上,点缀以风铃草和剪秋萝;肚脐处搁着一朵粉色的剪秋萝花,阴毛丛里则是勿忘我和车叶草的领地。 "That's you in all your glory!” He said. "Lady Jane, at her wedding with John Thomas." And he stuck flowers in the hair of his own body, and wound a bit of creeping-jenny round his penis, and stuck a single bell of a hyacinth in his navel. She watched him with amusement, his odd intentness. And she pushed a campion flower in his moustache, where it stuck, dangling under his nose. “如今你身披花衣!”他赞叹道。“简夫人与约翰·托马斯缔结连理。”接着,他在自己几处毛发里放满鲜花,用一束铜钱珍珠菜缠绕住阴茎,肚脐里则塞着朵风信子。她饶有兴趣地望着他,端详着那种专心致志的古怪神态。她将一朵剪秋萝按在他的胡须间,耷拉在鼻子下方。 "This is John Thomas marryin' Lady Jane," he said. "An' we mun let Constance an' Oliver go their ways. Maybe—” He spread out his hand with a gesture, and then he sneezed, sneezing away the flowers from his nose and his navel. He sneezed again. “约翰·托马斯迎娶简夫人。”他说。“让我们跟康斯坦斯和奥利弗分道扬镳。或许……”他伸手摆出某种姿势,但没料想却突然打个喷嚏,鼻子下面和肚脐处的花全被震落。他又打个喷嚏。 "Maybe what?" she said, waiting for him to go on. “或许什么?”她问,等待着他继续刚才的话。 He looked at her a little bewildered. 他却有些茫然地望着她。 "Eh?" He said. “哦?”他说。 "Maybe what? Go on with what you were going to say," she insisted. “或许什么?继续把刚才的话讲完。”她坚持着。 "Ay, what WAS I going to say?" He had forgotten. And it was one of the disappointments of her life, that he never finished. “唉,我刚才要说什么来着?”他居然已经忘记。他说话总是有头没尾,这也算她人生一大憾事。 A yellow ray of sun shone over the trees. 金色的阳光洒满树林。 "Sun!" He said. "And time you went. Time, my Lady, time! What's that as flies without wings, your Ladyship? Time! Time!” He reached for his shirt. “太阳!”他说。“你该回去了。光阴,夫人,光阴!什么东西无翼而飞,夫人?答案是光阴!光阴!”他拿过衬衫。 "Say goodnight! to John Thomas," he said, looking down at his penis. “道晚安吧!跟约翰·托马斯道晚安。”他说着,垂头看着自己的阴茎。 "He's safe in the arms of creeping Jenny! Not much burning pestle about him just now.” And he put his flannel shirt over his head. “被铜钱珍珠菜拥在怀中,他远离危险!现在的他似乎跟火杵不太着边。”他将法兰绒衬衫套在头上。 "A man's most dangerous moment," he said, when his head had emerged, "is when he's getting into his shirt. Then he puts his head in a bag. That's why I prefer those American shirts, that you put on like a jacket." she still stood watching him. He stepped into his short drawers, and buttoned them round the waist. “男人最疏于防范的时刻,”再度露出头时,他说,“就是穿衬衣的时候。那时,他的头几乎是伸进袋子里。正因为此,我才偏好美式衬衣,穿的方式跟穿夹克一样。”她仍站在原地望着他。他穿好短裤,系上腰扣。 "Look at Jane!" He said. "In all her blossoms! Who'll put blossoms on you next year, Jinny? Me, or somebody else? Good-bye, my bluebell, farewell to you! "I hate that song, it's early war days." he then sat down, and was pulling on his stockings. She still stood unmoving. He laid his hand on the slope of her buttocks. "Pretty little Lady Jane!" He said. "Perhaps in Venice you'll find a man who'll put jasmine in your maiden-hair, and a pomegranate flower in your navel. Poor little lady Jane!” "Don't say those things!” She said. "You only say them to hurt me." He dropped his head. Then he said, in dialect: "Ay, maybe I do, maybe I do! Well then, I'll say nowt, an'ha'done wi't. But tha mun dress thysen, all'go back to thy stately homes of England, how beautiful they stand. Time's up! Time's up for Sir John, an'for little Lady Jane! Put thy shimmy on, Lady Chatterley! Tha might be anybody, standin'there be-out even a shimmy, an'a few rags o'flowers. There then, there then, I'll undress thee, tha bob-tailed young throstle.” And he took the leaves from her hair, kissing her damp hair, and the flowers from her breasts, and kissed her breasts, and kissed her navel, and kissed her maiden-hair, where he left the flowers threaded. "They mun stop while they will," he said. "So! There tha'rt bare again, nowt but a bare-arsed lass an'a bit of a Lady Jane! Now put thy shimmy on, for tha mun go, or else Lady Chatterley's goin'to be late for dinner, an'where 'ave yer been to my pretty maid!” She never knew how to answer him when he was in this condition of the vernacular. So she dressed herself and prepared to go a little ignominiously home to Wragby. Or so she felt it: a little ignominiously home. “瞧瞧简!”他说。“简直是花团锦簇!明年此时,为你披上花衣的,又会是谁,珍妮?是我,还是别的什么人?‘再见吧,我的风铃草,一路平安!’我讨厌这首歌谣,它让我想起战争初期的时光。”说完,他坐下开始穿袜子。她仍站着没动。他的手抚上她饱满的臀部。“美丽的小简夫人!”他说。“或许在威尼斯,你会遇到倾心的男子,他会将芬芳的茉莉放进你的阴毛,把石榴花塞入你的肚脐。可爱的小简夫人!”“别说这种话!”她说。“你这么说,只会让我伤心。”他低下头。再次开口时,已经换成方言。“是呀,或许吧,可能吧!那好,那俺就闭上嘴,不说话。可恁可得穿好衣裙,回到那富丽堂皇、蔚为壮观的英式豪宅。时间已到!约翰爵士和小简夫人该分手了!穿好恁的内衣吧,查泰莱夫人!恁若是光着身子站在那儿,只靠几朵花儿遮体,可显不出那高贵的身份。那好吧,那好吧,让俺来为恁宽衣,短尾巴的小画眉。”他将她头上的叶片除去,亲吻着那淋湿的发丝;将她胸前的鲜花除去,亲吻着那酥软的乳房;但却将肚脐和阴毛处的花朵留在那里,只是一一吻过。“它们必须呆在原处。”他说。“好了!恁再次变得赤裸,成为光屁股的少妇,就像我的简夫人!现在穿好恁的内衣,赶紧回去,不然,查泰莱夫人会错过晚餐。恁去往何方,我美丽的少女!”每当他操着土语,喋喋不休,她就会无所适从,不知如何作答。于是,她穿好衣服,准备回转那略显可鄙的拉格比。这就是她此刻的感觉:那让人略感不齿的拉格比。 He would accompany her to the broad riding. His young pheasants were all right under the shelter. 他会陪她走过宽阔的马道。那些活蹦乱跳的小鸡已经好端端地回到笼里。 When he and she came out on to the riding, there was Mrs. Bolton faltering palely towards them. 他俩刚刚踏上马道,迎面正碰上博尔顿太太,她步履蹒跚,脸色惨白。 "Oh, my Lady, we wondered if anything had happened!" "No! Nothing has happened." Mrs. Bolton looked into the man's face, that was smooth and new-looking with love. She met his half-laughing, half-mocking eyes. He always laughed at mischance. But he looked at her kindly. “噢,夫人,大家都以为您出事了!”“没事!我安然无恙。”博尔顿太太望着梅勒斯的脸,爱情的滋润让他安详自得,容光焕发。她对上他那半带笑意,半带嘲讽的眼神。这家伙总是幸灾乐祸。可他望着她的眼神却充满善意。 "Evening, Mrs. Bolton! Your Ladyship will be all right now, so I can leave you. Good-night to your Ladyship! Good-night, Mrs. Bolton!” He saluted and turned away. “晚上好,博尔顿太太!夫人毫发无伤,我可以放心地把她交给你。晚安,夫人!晚安,博尔顿太太!”他行过礼,转身离去。 第十六章 Connie arrived home to an ordeal of cross-questioning. Clifford had been out at tea-time, had come in just before the storm, and where was her ladyship? Nobody knew, only Mrs. Bolton suggested she had gone for a walk into the wood. Into the wood, in such a storm! Clifford for once let himself get into a state of nervous frenzy. He started at every flash of lightning, and blenched at every roll of thunder. He looked at the icy thunder-rain as if it dare the end of the world. He got more and more worked up. 康妮回到家,迎接她的将是被盘问的煎熬。下午茶时分出门的克利福德,正好赶在暴风雨到来前赶回家,可夫人去了哪里?没人知道,只有博尔顿太太猜她大概是去树林散步了。冒着暴风骤雨,去树林散步!这一次,克利福德陷入生平未有的狂躁状态。每道闪电都让他心惊,每声炸雷都使他胆颤。他望着屋外冰冷的雷雨,似乎世界末日就要降临。他的情绪变得更加躁动。 Mrs. Bolton tried to soothe him. 博尔顿太太试着安慰他。 "She'll be sheltering in the hut, till it's over. Don't worry, her Ladyship is all right.” "I don't like her being in the wood in a storm like this! I don't like her being in the wood at all! She's been gone now more than two hours. When did she go out?” "A little while before you came in." "I didn't see her in the park. God knows where she is and what has happened to her.” "Oh, nothing's happened to her. You'll see, she'll be home directly after the rain stops. It's just the rain that's keeping her.” But her ladyship did not come home directly the rain stopped. In fact time went by, the sun came out for his last yellow glimpse, and there still was no sign of her. The sun was set, it was growing dark, and the first dinner-gong had rung. “她会躲进小屋里直到雨停的。别担心,夫人管保安然无恙。”“下这么大的雨,我可不想她跑去树林!我压根就不愿她去那里!她已经出去两个多小时了。她什么时候离开家的?”“她前脚刚走,您就回来了。”“我没在花园里碰到她。天知道她身在何处,天晓得她出了什么事。”“噢,她不会出事的。您等着看,雨一停,她立马就会回家来。要不是下雨,她不会耽搁这么久。”可雨已经停了,夫人却没有立马回到家中。事实上,时间分秒流逝,昏黄的夕阳洒落最后的余晖,依然不见夫人的影子。太阳已经西沉,暮色笼罩大地,连头遍晚餐铃都已响过。 "It's no good!" said Clifford in a frenzy. "I'm going to send out Field and Betts to find her.” "Oh don't do that!" cried Mrs. Bolton. “等着根本没用!”克利福德陷入癫狂。“我要派菲尔德和贝茨去找她。”“噢,别那么做!”博尔顿太太喊道。 "They'll think there's a suicide or something. Oh don't start a lot of talk going. Let me slip over to the hut and see if she's not there. I'll find her all right.” So, after some persuasion, Clifford allowed her to go. “他们会以为夫人寻了短见或什么的呢。那样会招来很多闲言闲语。让我去趟林中小屋,看看她是否在那儿。我准会找她回来。”博尔顿太太好说歹说,克利福德总算答应她去。 And so Connie had come upon her in the drive, alone and palely loitering. 就这样,康妮在车道上遇到她。她形单影只,面色苍白,心惊肉跳,不敢前进。 "You mustn't mind me coming to look for you, my Lady! But Sir Clifford worked himself up into such a state. He made sure you were struck by lightning, or killed by a falling tree. And he was determined to send Field and Betts to the wood to find the body. So I thought I'd better come, rather than set all the servants agog. “我出来找您,您可别见怪,夫人!克利福德爵士简直急疯了。他断定您不是被雷劈了,就是被树砸死了。打算派菲尔德和贝茨去树林寻找尸体呢。所以,我觉得最好还是我出马,免得让仆人们都寝食难安。” She spoke nervously. She could still see on Connie's face the smoothness and the half-dream of passion, and she could feel the irritation against herself. 她说话时,流露出不安的情绪。激情过后的光泽和梦幻仍挂在康妮脸上,这瞒不过博尔顿太太的眼睛,她也感觉得到夫人对她深怀不满。 "Quite!" said Connie. “很好!”康妮说。 And she could say no more. 她再也说不出别的话。 The two women plodded on through the wet world, in silence, while great drops splashed like explosions in the wood. When they came to the park, Connie strode ahead, and Mrs. Bolton panted a little. She was getting plumper. 雨后泥泞的世界里,两个女人沉默不语,缓步前行。硕大的雨滴不时溅落,像是林中发生了爆炸一般。进入园林后,康妮阔步向前,博尔顿太太则落在后面,气喘吁吁。她的身形日渐肥胖。 "How foolish of Clifford to make a fuss!" said Connie at length, angrily, really speaking to herself. “克利福德真蠢,根本不值得大惊小怪!”康妮气冲冲地抱怨着,其实是在自言自语。 "Oh, you know what men are! “噢,您晓得,男人就是这副德行! They like working themselves up. But he'll be all right as soon as he sees your Ladyship.” Connie was very angry that Mrs. Bolton knew her secret: for certainly she knew it. 他们总是神经兮兮的。可只要您一露面,他保证恢复常态。”秘密被博尔顿太太看破,康妮又气又恼,这种事根本逃不过她的眼睛。 Suddenly Constance stood still on the path. 突然,康妮停住脚步,站着一动不动。 "It's monstrous that I should have to be followed!” She said, her eyes flashing. “简直难以置信,竟然派人跟踪我!”她说着,两眼冒火。 "Oh! Your Ladyship, don't say that! He'd certainly have sent the two men, and they'd have come straight to the hut. I didn't know where it was, really.” Connie flushed darker with rage, at the suggestion. Yet, while her passion was on her, she could not lie. She could not even pretend there was nothing between herself and the keeper. She looked at the other woman, who stood so sly, with her head dropped: yet somehow, in her femaleness, an ally. “噢!夫人,您千万别这么说!他本打算派那两个男人来的,而他们会直奔小屋而去。而我根本就不知道小屋的具体位置。”康妮听出博尔顿太太话里有话,脸气得更红了。可是,此刻她的心里满怀柔情,根本无法说谎。她甚至不愿惺惺作态,装出与守林人毫无干系的样子。她望着对面的女人,她怯生生地站在那里,头都不敢抬。可无论如何,她也是女人,与自己站在同条战线上。 "Oh well!" She said. "I fit is so it is so. I don't mind!” "Why, you're all right, my Lady! You've only been sheltering in the hut. It's absolutely nothing.” They went on to the house. Connie marched in to Clifford's room, furious with him, furious with his pale, over-wrought face and prominent eyes. “噢,好吧!”她说。“既然如此,我也不再追究!”“哦,夫人,幸亏您平安归来!您只是在小屋避避雨而已。这没什么大不了的。”她俩回到拉格比。康妮稳步走进克利福德的房间,心怀愤怒,尤其是看到那苍白紧张的面孔以及外凸的眼睛。 "I must say, I don't think you need send the servants after me," she burst out. “我不得不说,你没必要派仆人来跟踪我。”她大发雷霆。 "My God!" He exploded. "Where have you been, woman, you've been gone hours, hours, and in a storm like this! What the hell do you go to that-bloody wood for? What have you been up to? It's hours even since the rain stopped, hours! Do you know what time it is? You're enough to drive anybody mad. Where have you been? What in the name of hell have you been doing?” "And what if I don't choose to tell you?” She pulled her hat from her head and shook her hair. “天呢!”他同样抑制不住愤怒的情绪。“你这婆娘,到底去了哪里,你出去好几个钟头了,好几个钟头,外面下着瓢泼大雨!你去那该死的树林,究竟干了什么勾当?你暗地里到底在谋划什么?雨已经停了好几个钟头,好几个钟头!你知道现在几点了吗?你会把任何人都逼疯的。你到底去了哪里?你究竟干什么去了?”“如果我不想说,你能拿我怎样?”她摘掉帽子,拨弄着头发。 It was very bad for him to get into these rages: Mrs. Bolton had a weary time with him, for days after. 如此的暴怒对他的身体影响极坏,之后的几天,博尔顿太太一直忙着照顾他,累得够呛。 Connie felt a sudden qualm. 康妮突然感到有些内疚。 "But really!" She said, milder. "Anyone would think I'd been I don't know where! I just sat in the hut during all the storm, and made myself a little fire, and was happy.” She spoke now easily. After all, why work him up any more! “这倒也是!”她的语气温和许多。“谁都会以为我迷了路!我自始自终都坐在小屋里避雨,自己生着炉火,很是逍遥自在。”她开始轻描淡写起来。何苦再去刺激他呢! He looked at her suspiciously. 他看着妻子,满脸狐疑。 And look at your hair!” He said; "look at yourself!" "Yes!" She replied calmly. "I ran out in the rain with no clothes on." He stared at her speechless. “看看你的头发!”他说,“看看你这副德行!”“是的!”她答道,镇定自若。“我在雨中裸奔来着。”他盯着她,目瞪口呆。 "You must be mad!" He said. “你准是疯了!”他说。 "Why? To like a shower bath from the rain?" "And how did you dry yourself?" "On an old towel and at the fire." He still stared at her in a dumbfounded way. “为什么?就因为喜欢洗雨水浴?”“可你怎么擦干身体呢?”“用条旧毛巾,就着炉火烤了烤。”他仍是那副瞠目结舌的神情,愣愣地望着她。 "And supposing anybody came," he said. “要是遇到人怎么办?”他问。 "Who would come?" "Who? Why, anybody! And Mellors. Does he come? He must come in the evenings." "Yes, he came later, when it had cleared up, to feed the pheasants with corn." She spoke with amazing nonchalance. Mrs. Bolton, who was listening in the next room, heard in sheer admiration. To think a woman could carry it off so naturally! “遇到谁?”“谁?无论是谁!梅勒斯。遇到他了吗?他傍晚总会去树林。”“遇到了,雨停之后,他才来的,带着谷粒去喂野鸡。”她若无其事地说着,出人意料地镇定。博尔顿太太正在隔壁偷听,不禁由衷地佩服女主人。试想一下,身为女人的她,竟能如此从容不迫! "And suppose he'd come while you were running about in the rain with nothing on, like a maniac?” "I suppose he'd have had the fright of his life, and cleared out as fast as he could.” Clifford still stared at her transfixed. What he thought in his under-consciousness he would never know. And he was too much taken aback to form one clear thought in his upper consciousness. He just simply accepted what she said, in a sort of blank. And he admired her. He could not help admiring her. She looked so flushed and handsome and smooth: love smooth. “要是你在雨中疯狂裸奔的时候,与他碰个正着怎么办?”“我猜他会吓得灵魂出窍,落荒而逃。”克利福德依然怔怔地瞪着她。自己的潜意识里到底在想些什么,连他本人都不知道。他受惊过度,大脑根本无法形成清晰的想法。他只是全盘接受了她的解释,脑袋里空空如也。他对她充满仰慕。他抑制不住自己钦佩的心情。她面色红润,皮肤光滑,美艳不可方物,这都是因为爱情的滋润。 "At least," he said, subsiding, "you'll be lucky if you've got off without a severe cold.” "Oh, I haven't got a cold," she replied. She was thinking to herself of the other man's words: Tha's got the nicest woman's arse of anybody! She wished, she dearly wished she could tell Clifford that this had been said her, during the famous thunderstorm. However! She bore herself rather like an offended queen, and went upstairs to change. “至少,”他说,情绪渐渐平复下来,“如果你不会因此患上重感冒,那就算是万幸了。”“噢,我没感冒。”她回应道。她心里想着另一个男人的话:恁拥有世间最美的女人的屁股!她希望,由衷地希望能够告诉克利福德,在那场倾盆暴雨中,有人这样赞美她。但话到嘴边又咽下。她端起架子,活像位被冒犯的女王,上楼换衣服去了。 That evening, Clifford wanted to be nice to her. He was reading one of the latest scientific-religious books: he had a streak of a spurious sort of religion in him, and was egocentrically concerned with the future of his own ego. It was like his habit to make conversation to Connie about some book, since the conversation between them had to be made, almost chemically. They had almost chemically to concoct it in their heads. 那天晚上,克利福德极力想要讨好她。他正在读最新出版的一本有关科学的宗教书籍,他对宗教的笃信只不过是惺惺作态,心里真正关心的只不过是自己的前途。自从他俩间的谈话变成没话找话,几乎有些要去制造化学反应的意味,克利福德总习惯跟康妮谈论书籍。他们在脑海里炮制着谈话的内容,很像是在进行化学实验。 "What do you think of this, by the way?" He said, reaching for his book. "You'd have no need to cool your ardent body by running out in the rain, if only we have a few more aeons of evolution behind us.” Ah, here it is!—— "The universe shows us two aspects: on one side it is physically wasting, on the other it is spiritually ascending.” Connie listened, expecting more. But Clifford was waiting. She looked at him in surprise. “我说,你觉得这种说法如何?”他说着,伸手拿过书。“如果人类再经过更多个纪元的进化,你就不需要去雨中奔跑,以求冷却自己炽热的身躯。呵,就是这句话!——‘宇宙向我们展现出两种趋势,物质被损耗,精神在上升。’”康妮听着,期待着他继续说下去。但克利福德却在等待。她诧异地看着他。 "And if it spiritually ascends," she said, "what does it leave down below, in the place where its tail used to be?" "Ah!" He said. "Take the man for what he means. ASCENDING is the opposite of his WASTING, I presume." "Spiritually blown out, so to speak!" "No, but seriously, without joking: do you think there is anything in it?” She looked at him again. “如果说精神在上升,”她反驳道,“从前尾巴存在的位置,又剩下什么东西呢?”“啊!”他说。“细细领会作者的意思。我猜,对他而言,上升恰好与损耗相对立。”“也就是说,精神完全崩溃!”“不,说正经的,不开玩笑,你觉得这种观点如何?”她再度将目光转向他。 "Physically wasting?" She said. "I see you getting fatter, and I'm not wasting myself. Do you think the sun is smaller than he used to be? He's not to me. And I suppose the apple Adam offered Eve wasn't really much bigger, if any, than one of our orange pippins. Do you think it was?” Well, hear how he goes on: "It is thus slowly passing, with a slowness inconceivable in our measures of time, to new creative conditions, amid which the physical world, as we at present know it, will he represented by a ripple barely to be distinguished from nonentity." She listened with a glisten of amusement. All sorts of improper things suggested themselves. But she only said: "What silly hocus-pocus! As if his little conceited consciousness could know what was happening as slowly as all that! It only means he's a physical failure on the earth, so he wants to make the whole universe a physical failure. Priggish little impertinence!” "Oh, but listen! Don't interrupt the great man's solemn words!— The present type of order in the world has risen from an unimaginable past, and will find its grave in an unimaginable future. There remains the inexhaustive realm of abstract forms, and creativity with its shifting character ever determined afresh by its own creatures, and God, upon whose wisdom all forms of order depend.— There, that's how he winds up!” Connie sat listening contemptuously. “物质被消耗?”她质疑着。“我只发现你变得膘肥体壮,而我也没消耗些什么。你认为太阳变得比以前小些了吗?我觉得没有。依我看,即使是亚当献给夏娃的苹果,与现在的橘苹相比,也大不到哪里去。你认为呢?”好吧,听听他接下来这么说:“宇宙就这样缓慢地进化,速度慢到根据我们的方式,无法计算其时间,最终达到全新的境界。而到那时候,我们现在所知的物质世界将会用某种波纹来代表,而这种波纹跟虚无并没什么分别。”她听着,不禁暗觉可笑。心里涌动着不便说出的种种言语。但她只是说:“多么愚蠢的鬼话!似乎他那自以为是的小小思维,就能预见漫长久远的时间里能够发生的一切!这只能说明他在身体层面是个地道的失败者,因此,他希望整个宇宙也重蹈自己的覆辙。简直是胡说八道!”“噢,接着听下去!别打断这位伟大作家的庄严论调!——世界现行的秩序来源自难以想象的过去,并将在难以想象的未来中被埋进坟墓。只剩下无穷无尽的抽象王国,自新不息变幻无穷的创造力,以及主宰大千世界的睿智上帝。——这就是他最终的结论!”康妮坐在那里听着,面露鄙夷之色。 "He's spiritually blown out," she said. "What a lot of stuff! Unnimaginables, and types of order in graves, and realms of abstract forms, and creativity with a shifty character, and God mixed up with forms of order! Why, it's idiotic!” "I must say, it is a little vaguely conglomerate, a mixture of gases, so to speak," said Clifford. "Still, I think there is something in the idea that the universe is physically wasting and spiritually ascending." "Do you? Then let it ascend, so long as it leaves me safely and solidly physically here below." "Do you like your physique?" He asked. “他准是精神失常了。”她说。“简直废话连篇。什么‘难以想象’,什么‘秩序的坟墓’,还有‘变化无穷的创造力’,甚至连上帝都跟秩序扯在一起!呵,简直是痴人说梦!”“我必须承认,其结论的确有些模糊,也就是所谓的云山雾罩。”克利福德说。“不过,宇宙在物质层面被损耗,而精神层面却在上升,这一观点确实有些道理。”“是吗?那就任它上升去吧,只要它把我的肉身安全完整地留在下面就好。”“你满意自己的体形吗?”他问。 "I love it!" And through her mind went the words: It's the nicest, nicest woman's arse as is! “当然!”她的脑海中再度浮现出那句话:这是世间最美丽的女人的屁股! "But that is really rather extraordinary, because there's no denying it's an encumbrance. But then I suppose a woman doesn't take a supreme pleasure in the life of the mind.” "Supreme pleasure?" she said, looking up at him. "Is that sort of idiocy the supreme pleasure of the life of the mind? No thank you! Give me the body. I believe the life of the body is a greater reality than the life of the mind: when the body is really wakened to life. But so many people, like your famous wind-machine, have only got minds tacked on to their physical corpses.” He looked at her in wonder. “可这样的回答确实出乎我的意料,因为肉体不过是种累赘,这点毫无疑问。但我想女人根本体验不到精神生活的极致快乐。”“极致快乐?”她说着,抬起头看着他。“那种白痴的理论就代表着精神生活的极致快乐吗?不,谢谢!我还是选择肉体好了。我相信肉体的生活比精神的生活更真实,特别是当肉体被彻底唤醒时。但有太多人,只是将精神寄托在行尸走肉般的躯壳上,跟你那些卷扬机没什么两样。”他惊讶地看着她。 "The life of the body," he said, "is just the life of the animals." "And that's better than the life of professional corpses. But it's not true! The human body is only just coming to real life. With the Greeks it gave a lovely flicker, then Plato and Aristotle killed it, and Jesus finished it off. But now the body is coming really to life, it is really rising from the tomb. And it will be a lovely, lovely life in the lovely universe, the life of the human body.” "My dear, you speak as if you were ushering it all in! True, you am going away on a holiday: but don't please be quite so indecently elated about it. Believe me, whatever God there is is slowly eliminating the guts and alimentary system from the human being, to evolve a higher, more spiritual being.” "Why should I believe you, Clifford, when I feel that whatever God there is has at last wakened up in my guts, as you call them, and is rippling so happily there, like dawn. Why should I believe you, when I feel so very much the contrary?" "Oh, exactly! And what has caused this extraordinary change in you? Running out stark naked in the rain, and playing Bacchante? desire for sensation, or the anticipation of going to Venice?" “肉体的生命,”他说,“不过是禽兽的生命。”“那也比行尸走肉的生命强百倍。可你的论调根本就是错的!人类的肉体刚刚开始复活。在古希腊时期,它曾经辉煌一时,但被柏拉图与亚里士多德之流扼杀,而耶稣则彻底将它毁灭。但时至今日,肉体再度恢复生机,真正从坟墓中走出。人类肉体的生命是灿烂宇宙间最美丽的生命。”“亲爱的,听你这么说,大有要亲自引领其复苏之路的意思!当然,你是要去度假没错,但也不用如此不体面地得意忘形。相信我,如果上帝真的存在,无论他到底是怎样,都会将人类内脏之类的消化系统渐渐摒弃,让他们进化成更高级,更精神化的生命。”“我为何要相信你的话,克利福德?我反而觉得若上帝真的存在,他最终会在你所谓的内脏里觉醒,如同迎来新的黎明,幸福地荡起涟漪。我的想法与你背道而驰,又为何要相信你的话?”“噢,说得没错!到底是什么让你发生如此大的变化?在雨中裸奔,扮演酒神的女祭司?对情欲的渴望,或者是对威尼斯的向往?” "Both! Do you think it is horrid of me to be so thrilled at going off?" She said. “都有!我因为要离开感到如此激动,你觉得这有些可怕是吧?”她问。 "Rather horrid to show it so plainly." "Then I'll hide it.” "Oh, don't trouble! You almost communicate a thrill to me. I almost feel that it is I who am going off.” "Well, why don't you come?” "We've gone over all that. And as a matter of fact, I suppose your greatest thrill comes from being able to say a temporary farewell to all this. Nothing so thrilling, for the moment, as Good-bye-to-all! But every parting means a meeting elsewhere. And every meeting is a new bondage.” "I'm not going to enter any new bondages.” "Don't boast, while the gods are listening," he said. “更可怕的是你居然这样不加掩饰地表现出来。”“那我会注意掩饰自己的情绪。”“噢,没那个必要!我几乎也被你的兴奋所感染。我几乎觉得要出门的是自己。”“哦,那你为什么不来呢”“我们早已探讨过原因。事实上,我猜最令你兴奋的,莫过于能够暂时和这里的一切说再见。此时此刻,没什么更能令你激动,只有告别这一切!但是,现在的离别为的正是将来的相聚。而相聚则意味着新的束缚。”“我不想再要新的束缚。”“不要大言不惭,举头三尺有神明。”他说。 She pulled up short. 她沉默片刻。 "No! I won't boast!” She said. “不!我可没说大话!”她说。 But she was thrilled, none the less, to be going off: to feel bonds snap. She couldn't help it. 但她兴奋的情绪丝毫不减,因能够告别拉格比而兴奋,因能够挣脱束缚而激动。她有些情不自禁。 Clifford, who couldn't sleep, gambled all night with Mrs. Bolton, till she was too sleepy almost to live. 克利福德郁闷得无法入眠,整夜跟博尔顿太太赌牌,直到她困得无法坚持下去。 And the day came round for Hilda to arrive. Connie had arranged with Mellors that if everything promised well for their night together, she would hang a green shawl out of the window. If there were frustration, a red one. 眼见希尔达到来的日子迫在眉睫。康妮与梅勒斯约好,如果能够依计而行,共度良宵,她就在窗外挂条绿围巾。如果事情有变,就挂条红的。 Mrs. Bolton helped Connie to pack. 博尔顿太太帮助康妮收拾行囊。 "It will be so good for your Ladyship to have a change." "I think it will. You don't mind having Sir Clifford on your hands alone for a time, do you?” "Oh no! I can manage him quite all right. I mean, I can do all he needs me to do. Don't you think he's better than he used to be?” "Oh much! You do wonders with him." "Do I though! But men are all alike: just babies, and you have to flatter them and wheedle them and let them think they're having their own way. Don't you find it so, my Lady?” "I'm afraid I haven't much experience.” Connie paused in her occupation. “换换环境,对夫人您很有好处。”“我想是这样。这段日子,克利福德爵士得由你单独照料,你不会介意吧?”“噢,不会!我会把他照顾得妥妥帖帖。我是说,我会做好他吩咐的一切。您没觉得,他的情况比以前好得多吗?”“噢,的确如此!这全是你的功劳。”“哪里的话!男人们都大同小异,脾气好似婴儿,你得奉承他们,哄着他们,让他们以为自己可以为所欲为。难道您没发现这秘诀吗,夫人?”“恐怕我在这方面没什么经验。”康妮停下手中的活计。 "Even your husband, did you have to manage him, and wheedle him like a baby?" She asked, looking at the other woman. “甚至对自己的丈夫,你也得像哄孩子般哄他吗?”她盯着博尔顿太太,问道。 Mrs. Bolton paused too. 博尔顿太太也停了手。 "Well!" She said. "I had to do a good bit of coaxing, with him too. But he always knew what I was after, I must say that. But he generally gave in to me." "He was never the lord and master thing?" "No! At least there'd be a look in his eyes sometimes, and then I knew I'd got to give in. But usually he gave in to me. No, he was never lord and master. But neither was I. I knew when I could go no further with him, and then I gave in: though it cost me a good bit, sometimes.” "And what if you had held out against him?" "Oh, I don't know, I never did. Even when he was in the wrong, if he was fixed, I gave in. You see, I never wanted to break what was between us. And if you really set your will against a man, that finishes it. If you care for a man, you have to give in to him once he's really determined; whether you're in the right or not, you have to give in. Else you break something. But I must say, Ted 'ud give in to me sometimes, when I was set on a thing, and in the wrong. So I suppose it cuts both ways.” "And that's how you are with all your patients?” Asked Connie. “嗯!”她说。“我也总得哄他。但他总能明白我的意图,这点我必须承认。但一般说来,他总会让着我。”“他从来不摆老爷架子吗?”“从不!至少,他有时会流露出某种眼神,我就会明白,该顺着他的意思了。但通常他会向我妥协。不,他从不会颐指气使。我也不会。我知道何时不该跟他计较,该主动让步,虽然有时这会让我觉得很不舒服。”“如果你一直跟他对着干,会怎么样呢?”“噢,我不知道,我从没试过。甚至明知他是错的,只要他坚持,我也会做出让步。要知道,我不想破坏彼此的感情。如果你总是跟一个男人对着干,那你们肯定难以长久。要是你在乎一个男人,若他当真下定决心,那你就得做出让步,不管谁对谁错。否则,就会破坏彼此的感情。但我必须承认,当我固执己见,即使我是错的,泰德也常会让着我。所以我想这道理对双方都适用。”“你对待病人也是如此吗?”康妮问。 "Oh, that's different. I don't care at all, in the same way. I know what's good for them, or I try to, and then I just contrive to manage them for their own good. It's not like anybody as you're really fond of. It's quite different. Once you've been really fond of a man, you can be affectionate to almost any man, if he needs you at all. But it's not the same thing. You don't really care. I doubt, once you've really cared, if you can ever really care again.” These words frightened Connie. “哦,那不同。我并不爱他们。我知道怎样做对他们有益,或者说我会尽力去了解,然后努力帮助他们恢复健康。这跟对待你心爱的男人完全不同。完全是两码事。只要你真正爱过一个男人,就可以对几乎所有男人充满温情,只要他真心真意地需要你。但二者不可混为一谈。你不会再度陷入爱里。我怀疑,一旦你真的爱过,是否还能够再去爱其他人。”这句话让康妮有些害怕。 "Do you think one can only care once?" She asked. “你认为人一生只能爱一次吗?”她问。 "Or never. Most women never care, never begin to. They don't know what it means. Nor men either. But when I see a woman as cares, my heart stands still for her.” "And do you think men easily take offence?" "Yes! If you wound them on their pride. But aren't women the same? Only our two prides are a bit different.” Connie pondered this. She began again to have some misgiving about her gag away. After all, was she not giving her man the go-by, if only for a short time? And he knew it. That's why he was so queer and sarcastic. “或者从未爱过。大多数女人从未经历过爱情,从未尝过爱情的滋味。她们不知道爱情意味着什么。男人也一样。但当目睹一个女人付出真情,我的心也会为之停止跳动。”“你认为男人容易生气吗?”“没错!要是你挫伤了他们的自尊。可女人不也一样吗?只不过二者的自尊稍有差异而已。”康妮思索着她的话。她再度担忧起来,对远赴威尼斯的事情心生疑虑。这样做难道不是把自己的男人晾在一边吗?虽说时间并不长。而且他心里有数。所以他才总是怪里怪气,冷嘲热讽。 Still! The human existence is a good deal controlled by the machine of external circumstance. She was in the power of this machine. She couldn't extricate herself all in five minutes. She didn't even want to. 话虽如此!人活于世,多数事情都要受制于外部坏境这台机械。她此刻便被这台机器牢牢掌控。她没办法在五分钟之内摆脱这一切。她甚至没有过这样的想法。 Hilda arrived in good time on Thursday morning, in a nimble two-seater car, with her suit-case strapped firmly behind. She looked as demure and maidenly as ever, but she had the same will of her own. She had the very hell of a will of her own, as her husband had found out. But the husband was now divorcing her. 周四上午,希尔达如期而至,驾驶着她那部便捷的双座汽车,行李箱牢牢绑在车后面。她依然端庄羞涩,一如往昔,但却很有主见。她往往过于坚持己见,这自然瞒不过丈夫的眼睛。但如今,两人正在办理离婚。 Yes, she even made it easy for him to do that, though she had no lover. For the time being, she was "off" men. She was very well content to be quite her own mistress: and mistress of her two children, whom she was going to bring up 'properly', whatever that may mean. 是的,她甚至大开方便之门,助丈夫快些办妥离婚手续,虽然她并没有红杏出墙。如今,她已经“远离”男人。对于这种当家做主的感觉,她感到非常满足,她是两个孩子的依靠,她打算“妥当”地将孩子培养成人,不管未来的路如何艰辛。 Connie was only allowed a suit-case, also. But she had sent on a trunk to her father, who was going by train. No use taking a car to Venice. And Italy much too hot to motor in, in July. He was going comfortably by train. He had just come down from Scotland. 由于空间有限,康妮只能带一只行李箱。但她早已将较大的衣箱托运给父亲,他将乘火车前往。没必要开车去威尼斯。七月的意大利太过炎热,自己开车无异于遭罪。他乐得舒舒服服地乘火车去。他刚从苏格兰赶来伦敦。 So, like a demure arcadian field-marshal, Hilda arranged the material part of the journey. She and Connie sat in the upstairs room, chatting. 娴静的希尔达俨然成为阿卡迪亚(注:古希腊一地区,位于伯罗奔尼撒半岛,其居民与外部世界相对隔绝,过着简朴的田园式生活)陆军元帅,将旅行所需的事项准备得井井有条。她和康妮坐在楼上的房间里聊天。 "But Hilda!" Said Connie, a little frightened. "I want to stay near here tonight. Not here: near here!” Hilda fixed her sister with grey, inscrutable eyes. She seemed so calm: and she was so often furious. “可是,希尔达!”康妮说,心里有些不安。“我今晚想在附近过夜。不是在拉格比,而是在附近某处。”希尔达盯着自己的妹妹,灰色的双眼让人捉摸不透。她看上去沉着冷静,但暴跳如雷也是常有的事。 "Where, near here?" She asked softly. “在哪儿?这附近?”她轻声问。 "Well, you know I love somebody, don't you?” "I gathered there was something." "Well he lives near here, and I want to spend this last night with him must! I've promised.” Connie became insistent. “呃,你知道的,我爱上某个人。”“我猜到有这种事。”“呃,他就住在附近,我出发前,必须跟他共度一晚!我答应过他。”康妮迫切地恳求着姐姐。 Hilda bent her Minerva-like head in silence. Then she looked up. 希尔达没有做声,如同密涅瓦(注:罗马神话中掌管智慧、发明、艺术和武艺的女神)的头颅低垂着。接着,她抬起头。 "Do you want to tell me who he is?" She said. “你愿意告诉我他是谁吗?”她问。 "He's our game-keeper," faltered Connie, and she flushed vividly, like a shamed child. “他是我们的守林人。”康妮支吾着,脸羞得通红,活像个做错事的孩子。 "Connie!" Said Hilda, lifting her nose slightly with disgust: a she had from her mother. “康妮!”希尔达说着,轻轻扬起鼻子以表示鄙视,这是从她们母亲那里学来的动作。 "I know: but he's lovely really. He really understands tenderness," said Connie, trying to apologize for him. “我知道有些不妥,但他确实是个好人。又总是深情款款。”康妮说,试图为他申辩。 Hilda, like a ruddy, rich-coloured Athena, bowed her head and pondered She was really violently angry. But she dared not show it, because Connie, taking after her father, would straight away become obstreperous and unmanageable. 希尔达如同雅典娜般面露红润,光彩照人,低头沉思着,她其实正强压着心头的怒火。但她不敢流露出来,因为康妮的个性随父亲,任意妄为,难以掌控。 It was true, Hilda did not like Clifford: his cool assurance that he was somebody! She thought he made use of Connie shamefully and impudently. She had hoped her sister would leave him. But, being solid Scotch middle class, she loathed any "lowering" of oneself or the family. She looked up at last. 的确,希尔达讨厌克利福德,讨厌他的冷漠孤傲,自以为是!她鄙视他对康妮的利用,鄙视这种卑劣下流的无耻行径。她曾希望妹妹能弃他而去。但身为苏格兰中产阶级,家资殷实的她难以容忍“贬低”身份或者辱没门楣的举动。她终于抬起头来。 "You'll regret it," she said, "I shan't," cried Connie, flushed red. "He's quite the exception. I really love him. He's lovely as a lover.” Hilda still pondered. “你会后悔的。”她得出结论。“我不会。”康妮喊道,脸涨得通红。“他绝对是个特例。我深爱着她。他是位美妙的情郎。”希尔达仍在沉思。 "You'll get over him quite soon," she said, "and live to be ashamed of yourself because of him." "I shan't! I hope I'm going to have a child of his.” "Connie!” Said Hilda, hard as a hammer-stroke, and pale with anger. “很快,你就会跟他分道扬镳,”她说,“并因为与他的关系,而抱羞后半生。”“我不会!我希望能为他生孩子!”“康妮!”希尔达吼道,刺耳的声音好像铁锤的重击,俏脸气得煞白。 "I shall if I possibly can. I should be fearfully proud if I had a child by him." It was no use talking to her. Hilda pondered. “如果可能的话,我便会为他生孩子。要是能成为他孩子的母亲,我会感到无比骄傲。”再跟她说什么也都徒劳无益。希尔达暗想。 "And doesn't Clifford suspect?" she said. “克利福德就没起疑心?”她问。 "Oh no! Why should he?" "I've no doubt you've given him plenty of occasion for suspicion," said Hilda. “噢,没有!他怎么会想得到?”“我确信,你肯定留给他不少起疑的机会。”希尔达说。 "Not it all." "And tonight's business seems quite gratuitous folly. Where does the man live?” "In the cottage at the other end of the wood." "Is he a bachelor?" "No! His wife left him." "How old?" "I don't know. Older than me.” Hilda became more angry at every reply, angry as her mother used to be, in a kind of paroxysm. But still she hid it. “根本就没有。”“今晚的勾当真是蠢透了,根本没有必要。那男人住在哪儿?”“住在树林那端的农舍里。”“他是个单身汉?”“不是!他的妻子离开了他。”“多大年纪?”“我不清楚。比我年长。”康妮每句回答,都让希尔达的怒火烧得更旺,就像她们的母亲当年一般怒气攻心。但她还是努力掩饰着。 "I would give up tonight's escapade if I were you," she advised calmly. “如果我是你,今晚就不会去冒险。”她语调平静地劝慰道。 "I can't! I must stay with him tonight, or I can't go to Venice at all. I just can't.” Hilda heard her father over again, and she gave way, out of mere diplomacy. And she consented to drive to Mansfield, both of them, to dinner, to bring Connie back to the lane-end after dark, and to fetch her from the lane-end the next morning, herself sleeping in Mansfield, only half an hour away, good going. “我做不到!今晚我必须跟他共度,不然我就连威尼斯都不去了。我就是做不到。”希尔达再次从康妮的话里听到父亲的口气,她做出让步,但仅是作为权宜之计。她同意开车载她去曼斯菲尔德,晚餐过后,趁着夜幕送她回到车道尽头,次日清晨再去接她,而自己则在曼斯菲尔德过夜。如果开得快些,两地仅有半小时车程。 But she was furious. She stored it up against her sister, this balk in her plans. 但她依然恼火不已。妹妹打乱了自己设定好的计划,这笔账她已暗暗记下。 Connie flung an emerald-green shawl over her window-sill. 康妮在窗台上系了条翠绿色围巾。 On the strength of her anger, Hilda warmed toward Clifford. 由于她的震怒,希尔达对克利福德的看法不禁有些缓和。 After all, he had a mind. And if he had no sex, functionally, all the better: so much the less to quarrel about! Hilda wanted no more of that sex business, where men became nasty, selfish little horrors. Connie really had less to put up with than many women if she did but know it. 他毕竟颇有才智。如果说他没有性能力,这反倒是件好事,夫妻间不会为此而争吵不休。希尔达打算与性事永诀,男人总会因此变成下流龌龊、自私自利的讨厌鬼。因为远离性事,康妮其实比许多女人都安闲得多,只不过她并不清楚这一点。 And Clifford decided that Hilda, after all, was a decidedly intelligent woman, and would make a man a first-rate helpmate, if he were going in for politics for example. Yes, she had none of Connie's silliness, Connie was more a child: you had to make excuses for her, because she was not altogether dependable. 而克利福德也断定,希尔达虽不讨人喜欢,但毫无疑问是个睿智的女子,若男人想在政坛有所作为,她绝对是个出色的助手。她不像康妮那样傻兮兮的,康妮跟孩子没什么分别:你总得找理由为她辩护,因为她根本无法依靠。 There was an early cup of tea in the hall, where doors were open to let in the sun. Everybody seemed to be panting a little. 大家早早来到饭厅用下午茶,阳光从敞开的门投射进来。彼此似乎各怀心事。 "Good-bye, Connie girl! Come back to me safely.” "Good-bye, Clifford! Yes, I shan't be long." Connie was almost tender. “再见,康妮丫头!平安归来。”“再见,克利福德!嗯,我不会离开太久的。”康妮几乎是饱含着柔情。 "Good-bye, Hilda! You will keep an eye on her, won't you?” "I'll even keep two!” Said Hilda. "She shan't go very far astray.” "It's a promise!” "Good-bye, Mrs. Bolton! I know you'll look after Sir Clifford nobly.” "I'll do what I can, your Ladyship.” "And write to me if there is any news, and tell me about Sir Clifford, how he is." "Very good, your Ladyship, I will. And have a good time, and come back and cheer us up." Everybody waved. The car went off Connie looked back and saw Clifford, sitting at the top of the steps in his house-chair. After all, he was her husband: Wragby was her home: circumstance had done it. “再见,希尔达!你会好好照顾她,对吗?”“我会对她倍加关照!”希尔达说。“不会让她太过放纵。”“一言为定!”“再见,博尔顿太太!我知道,你准会无微不至地照看克利福德爵士。”“我会竭尽全力,夫人。”“有事就给我写信,告诉我克利福德爵士的近况。”“好的,夫人,我会照办。希望您旅途愉快,衷心期盼您早日归来,和我们欢聚。”大家挥手作别。希尔达发动了汽车,康妮回首张望,看到台阶顶端的克利福德,他正坐在自己的家用轮椅中。他毕竟是她的丈夫,拉格比是她的家,这是环境决定的事实。 Mrs. Chambers held the gate and wished her ladyship a happy holiday. The car slipped out of the dark spinney that masked the park, on to the highroad where the colliers were trailing home. Hilda turned to the Crosshill Road, that was not a main road, but ran to Mansfield. Connie put on goggles. They ran beside the railway, which was in a cutting below them. Then they crossed the cutting on a bridge. 钱伯斯太太为她们敞开大门,并祝愿夫人度假愉快。汽车驶出遍布着葱郁的灌木丛的园林,开上宽敞的公路,遇上放工的矿工,正拖着沉重的脚步回家去。希尔达调转车头,驶上克罗斯希尔路,这并非是条主要道路,但却通往曼斯菲尔德。康妮戴上风镜。她们沿着铁路线向前进发,铁道位于一旁的路堑里。她们驶过横穿铁路的桥梁。 "That's the lane to the cottage!" said Connie. “那便是通往农舍的小路。”康妮说。 Hilda glanced at it impatiently. 希尔达瞥了一眼,显得很不耐烦。 "It's a frightful pity we can't go straight off!” “真可惜,我们没法径直往前开!” She said. We could have been in Pall Mall by nine o'clock.” "I'm sorry for your sake," said Connie, from behind her goggles. 她抱怨着。“不然,我们九点就能抵达帕尔玛尔。”“真的很抱歉。”康妮在风镜后说。 They were soon at Mansfield, that once-romantic, now utterly disheartening colliery town. Hilda stopped at the hotel named in the motor-car book, and took a room. The whole thing was utterly uninteresting, and she was almost too angry to talk. However, Connie had to tell her something of the man's history. 没用多久,她们就来到曼斯菲尔德。这个昔日充溢着浪漫色彩的城市,如今已经彻底沦为令人沮丧的矿工聚居地。希尔达依照旅行指南,停在某家旅店前面,开了个房间。沿途的一切都无法让她提起兴趣,她气得几乎说不出话。尽管如此,康妮还是忍不住跟姐姐唠叨着自己情郎的过往。 "He! He! What name do you call him by? You only say HE," said Hilda. “他!他!你平时都怎么称呼他?总是说‘他’。”希尔达说。 "I've never called him by any name: nor he me: which is curious, when you come to think of it. Unless we say Lady Jane and John Thomas. But his name is Oliver Mellors.” "And how would you like to be Mrs. Oliver Mellors, instead of Lady Chatterley?" "I'd love it.” There was nothing to be done with Connie. And anyhow, if the man had been a lieutenant in the army in India for four or five years, he must be more or less presentable. Apparently he had character. Hilda began to relent a little. “我俩之间从不用姓名相称,想想就会觉得这真的很奇妙。有时候,我们会称呼彼此简夫人和约翰·托马斯。但他的真名叫奥利弗·梅勒斯。”“难道你想放弃查泰莱夫人的头衔,转做奥利弗·梅勒斯太太吗?”“我期盼已久。”康妮真是迷途深陷。不管怎么说,那男人毕竟曾在印度做过四五年中尉,好歹还算摆得上台面。他似乎还有些身份。希尔达的态度缓和许多。 "But you'll be through with him in awhile," she said, "and then you'll be ashamed of having been connected with him. One can't mix up with the working people.” "But you are such a socialist! You're always on the side of the working classes.” "I may be on their side in a political crisis, but being on their side makes me know how impossible it is to mix one's life with theirs. Not out of snobbery, but just because the whole rhythm is different.” Hilda had lived among the real political intellectuals, so she was disastrously unanswerable. “你们很快就会各奔东西,”她说,“然后,你就会对这段感情懊悔不已。我们没法跟工人阶级混在一起。”“但你本身就是热忱的社会主义者!总是跟工人阶级站在同一阵线。”“每当政局动荡的时节,我或许会跟他们合作,但正是这种经历让我深知,跟他们共同生活简直难以想象。并非瞧不起劳苦大众,但我们跟他们确实不合拍。”希尔达曾经在地道的政治圈里生活过,因此,康妮无从辩驳她的话。 The nondescript evening in the hotel dragged out, and at last they had a nondescript dinner. Then Connie slipped a few things into a little silk bag, and combed her hair once more. 两人就这样僵持着,在旅店中迎来傍晚,又尴尬地共进晚餐。然后,康妮收拾了几样东西,放进绸布小包里,重新梳理着自己的头发。 "After all, Hilda," she said, "love can be wonderful: when you feel you live, and are in the very middle of creation.” It was almost like bragging on her part. “无论怎样,希尔达,”她说,“爱情总是那样美妙,让你切实地感觉到自己活着,感觉到自己身处宇宙的中心。”她的语气简直有几分卖弄的意味。 "I suppose every mosquito feels the same," said Hilda. "Do you think it does? How nice for it!" The evening was wonderfully clear and long-lingering, even in the small town. It would be half-light all night. With a face like a mask, from resentment, Hilda started her car again, and the two sped back on their traces, taking the other road, through Bolsover. “恐怕每只蚊子也有同感。”希尔达说。“你这样认为吗?那蚊子们该多么幸福呀!”那天傍晚格外地晴朗,即使在这个破败的小城市,黄昏也驻足停留,不愿离去。星月之光会将整个夜晚都照亮。由于愤怒未消,希尔达板着的脸孔好像戴着面具,她再度发动汽车,开足马力,开上返程的道路。与来时不同,这次走得是博尔索弗。 Connie wore her goggles and disguising cap, and she sat in silence. Because of Hilda's Opposition, she was fiercely on the side of the man, she would stand by him through thick and thin. 康妮乔装改扮,戴好风镜和无檐帽,静静地坐在姐姐旁边。正因为希尔达的反对,她更加坚定地站在梅勒斯一边,即使前路布满荆棘,她也会与他共度。 They had their head-lights on, by the time they passed Crosshill, and the small lit-up train that chuffed past in the cutting made it seem like real night. Hilda had calculated the turn into the lane at the bridge-end. She slowed up rather suddenly and swerved off the road, the lights glaring white into the grassy, overgrown lane. Connie looked out. She saw a shadowy figure, and she opened the door. 路过克罗斯希尔的时候,她们打开车灯,路堑中噗噗驶过的小火车灯火通明,让人感觉真的已经置身深夜。来时的路上,希尔达已经盘算好,要在桥梁尽头转上小路。她突然放慢车速,转向驶离公路,车灯将绿草丛生的小径照得通明。康妮向车外张望。她看到一条黑影,便推开车门。 "Here we are!" She said softly. “我们到了!”她低声说。 But Hilda had switched off the lights, and was absorbed backing, making the turn. 但希尔达已经熄灭车灯,正全神贯注地倒着车,然后调转车头。 "Nothing on the bridge?" she asked shortly. "You're all right," said the man's voice. She backed on to the bridge, reversed, let the car run forwards a few yards along the road, then backed into the lane, under a wych-elm tree, crushing the grass and bracken. Then all the lights went out. Connie stepped down. The man stood under the trees. “桥上没什么吧?”她简短地问道。“没有,倒吧。”那男人说。她把车倒至桥上,调转方向,沿路向前行驶数码,然后再倒进小路,将车停在榆树下,碾碎了草丛和欧洲蕨。然后,她关上所有车灯。康妮走下车来。那男人站在树下。 "Did you wait long?" Connie asked. “等很久了吧?”康妮问。 "Not so very," he replied. “没多久。”他答道。 They both waited for Hilda to get out. But Hilda shut the door of the car and sat tight. 他俩都等着希尔达下车。没想到,希尔达却关紧车门,坐着没动。 "This is my sister Hilda. Won't you come and speak to her? Hilda! This is Mr. Mellors.” The keeper lifted his hat, but went no nearer. “这是我姐姐希尔达。你不过来跟她打个招呼吗?希尔达!这是梅勒斯先生。”守林人脱帽致意,但却没有上前。 "Do walk down to the cottage with us, Hilda," Connie pleaded. "It's not far.” "What about the car?" "People do leave them on the lanes. You have the key." Hilda was silent, deliberating. Then she looked backwards down the lane. “跟我们去农舍坐会儿吧,希尔达。”康妮央求着。“离得不远。”“车子怎么办?”“人们通常都把车停在小路上。只要锁好就行。”希尔达没搭话,犹豫不决。她回头看了看身后的小路。 "Can I back round the bush?" She said. “能倒车绕过树丛吗?”她问。 "Oh yes!" Said the keeper. “噢,可以!”守林人答道。 She backed slowly round the curve, out of sight of the road, locked the car, and got down. It was night, but luminous dark. The hedges rose high and wild, by the unused lane, and very dark seeming. There was a fresh sweet scent on the air. The keeper went ahead, then came Connie, then Hilda, and in silence. He lit up the difficult places with a flash-light torch, and they went on again, while an owl softly hooted over the oaks, and Flossie padded silently around. Nobody could speak. There was nothing to say. 她小心翼翼地绕过树丛,停在从公路上看不到的地方,把车锁好,走下车来。已经是深夜,但却并非一团漆黑。人迹罕至的小路旁,茂密的灌木长得高而茂盛,看上去黑乎乎的。空气中漂浮着新鲜的甜味。守林人在前面引路,接着是康妮,希尔达跟在最后,三个人都没说话。他用手电筒照亮崎岖难行的地方,然后继续前进。一只猫头鹰飞过橡树丛,低声枭叫着。弗洛西悄无声息地跑来跑去。没人做声。因为没什么好说的。 At length Connie saw the yellow light of the house, and her heart beat fast. She was a little frightened. They trailed on, still in Indian file. 终于,农舍昏黄的灯光映入康妮的眼帘,她的心跳不由加快。她有些害怕。他们继续前进,仍按照一前一后的队列。 He unlocked the door and preceded them into the warm but bare little room. The fire burned low and red in the grate. The table was set with two plates and two glasses on a proper white table-cloth for Once. Hilda shook her hair and looked round the bare, cheerless room. Then she summoned her courage and looked at the man. 他打开门,将姐妹俩引入这间温暖但却空荡荡的小屋。低低的炉火烧得通红。桌上摆着两份餐盘和玻璃杯,还前所未有地铺着洁白的桌布。希尔达甩开头发,环顾着这间简陋阴郁的小屋。然后,她鼓足勇气,直视那陌生的男人。 He was moderately tall, and thin, and she thought him good-looking. He kept a quiet distance of his own, and seemed absolutely unwilling to speak. 他中等个儿,身材偏瘦,在希尔达看来,样貌还算英俊。他面无表情,仿佛拒人于千里之外,似乎决不愿开口讲话。 "Do sit down, Hilda," said Connie. “快来坐,希尔达。”康妮招呼着。 "Do!" he said. “坐吧!”他说。 "Can I make you tea or anything, or will you drink a glass of beer? It's moderately cool.” "Beer!" Said Connie. “你俩喝茶还是别的,不然来杯啤酒?啤酒还挺清凉。”“啤酒!”康妮说。 "Beer for me, please! " said Hilda, with a mock sort of shyness. He looked at her and blinked. “请也给我来杯啤酒!”希尔达说,故作着打趣似的娇羞的神态。他熟视无睹。 He took a blue jug and tramped to the scullery. When he came back with the beer, his face had changed again. 他拿着一只蓝色罐子,慢悠悠地走去洗涤间。端着啤酒回来时,他脸上的表情已非先前的模样。 Connie sat down by the door, and Hilda sat in his seat, with the back to the wall, against the window corner. 康妮坐在门旁,希尔达坐在他常坐的那把椅子上,背靠着墙,正对着窗角。 "That is his chair," said Connie softly. And Hilda rose as if it had burnt her. “那是他的椅子。”康妮轻声说。希尔达猛地站起身来,好像已经被椅子灼伤。 "Sit yer still, sit yer still! Ta'e ony cheer as yo'n a mind to, none of us is th'big bear," he said, with complete equanimity. “坐着吧,坐着吧!俺家就这么一把椅子,恁不介意地话就坐吧,反正咱们都不像熊瞎子体格那么庞大。”他完全泰然自若地说着。 And he brought Hilda a glass, and poured her beer first from the blue jug. 他递给希尔达一只玻璃杯,用蓝色罐子先为她斟满啤酒。 "As for cigarettes," he said, "I've got none, but 'appen you've got your own. I dunna smoke, mysen. Shall y'eat summat?" he turned direct to Connie. "Shall t'eat a smite o'summat, if I bring it thee? Tha can usually do wi'a bite.” He spoke the vernacular with a curious calm assurance, as if he were the landlord of the Inn. “至于香烟,”他说,“俺这儿没有,可或许恁自己带着。俺不抽烟。吃点啥?”他转过脸问康妮。“要吃点啥?俺给恁拿。恁通常都会吃一点。”他说土话时,显得那样淡然自若,好像自己是这家乡间旅栈的老板。 "What is there?" Asked Connie, flushing. “有什么吃的?”康妮红着脸问。 "Boiled ham, cheese, pickled wa'nuts, if yer like. Nowt much.” "Yes," said Connie. "Won't you, Hilda?” Hilda looked up at him. “煮熟的火腿,干酪,腌核桃,不知道是否合恁们的意。就只有这么多。”“好的。”康妮说。“你不来点儿吗,希尔达?”希尔达抬头看着他。 "Why do you speak Yorkshire?" She said softly. “你为什么说约克郡土话?”她轻声问。 "That! That's non Yorkshire, that's Derby.” He looked back at her with that faint, distant grin. “那个呀!那不是约克郡土话,是德比郡方言。”他回望着她,微微露出冷漠的笑容。 "Derby, then! Why do you speak Derby? You spoke natural English at first." "Did Ah though? An'canna Ah change if Ah'm a mind to 't? Nay, nay, let me talk Derby if it suits me. If yo'n nowt against it.” "It sounds a little affected," said Hilda. “德比郡,那好!你为什么说德比郡方言?你开始说的明明是标准英语。”“是吗?要是俺乐意,就不准换换吗?没啥,没啥,要是德比郡土话更适合,俺就选它得了。如果恁们不嫌弃的话。”“听起来有些做作。”希尔达说。 "Ay, 'appen so! An'up i'Tevershall yo'd sound affected." he looked again at her, with a queer calculating distance, along his cheek-bone: as if to say: Yi, an'who are you? He tramped away to the pantry for the food. “唉,或许吧!可在特弗沙尔这旮旯,恁的话听着更做作。”他盯着希尔达,颧骨微扬,摆出一副拒人千里的神态,好像在说:“咦!你算是谁啊?”他起身去储藏室取食物。 The sisters sat in silence. He brought another plate, and knife and fork. The he said: "An'if it's the same to you, I s'll ta'e my coat off like I allers do.” And he took off his coat, and hung it on the peg, then sat down to table in his shirt-sleeves: a shirt of thin, cream-coloured flannel. 姐妹俩沉默相对。他又拿来一份餐具。然后,他说:“要是恁们不见怪,俺得像往常一样把外套宽了。”说完,他脱掉外套,挂在衣钩上,只穿着衬衣坐在桌边,那是件淡黄色的法兰绒薄衬衫。 " 'Elp yerselves!" he said. “请自便!”他说。 " 'Elp yerselves! Dunna wait f'r axin'!” He cut the bread, then sat motionless. Hilda felt, as Connie once used to, his power of silence and distance. She saw his smallish, sensitive, loose hand on the table. He was no simple working man, not he: he was acting! Acting! “请自便!难不成还等人家请!”他把面包切开,然后静静地坐在那里。希尔达此刻的感觉,跟当日的康妮一样,深切地体验到他那种沉默和疏远的力量。她注意到他的手随意地搁在桌上,并不太大,但却异常灵活。他并非工人阶级的普通一员,根本就不是,他不过在装模作样而已!不过在装腔作势罢了! "Still!" She said, as she took a little cheese. "It would be more natural if you spoke to us in normal English, not in vernacular." He looked at her, feeling her devil of a will. “可是!”她边说,边拿起一小块奶酪。“如果你跟我们说标准英语,或许会更自然些,别再讲土话了。”他望着她,感受到这女人恶魔般的坚强意志。 "Would it?" he said in the normal English. "Would it? Would anything that was said between you and me be quite natural, unless you said you wished me to hell before your sister ever saw me again: and unless I said something almost as unpleasant back again? Would anything else be natural?” "Oh yes!" Said Hilda. "Just good manners would be quite natural." "Second nature, so to speak!" He said: then he began to laugh. "Nay," he said. "I'm weary o'manners. Let me be!” Hilda was frankly baffled and furiously annoyed. After all, he might show that he realized he was being honoured. Instead of which, with his play-acting and lordly airs, he seemed to think it was he who was conferring the honour. Just impudence! Poor misguided Connie, in the man's clutches! “会吗?”他的话转换成标准英语。“会吗?你我之间说些什么会显得自然呢,除非你承认你希望我下地狱,好让你妹妹再也见不到我;除非我也反唇相讥,说些难听的话?除此之外,还有什么话是自然的呢?”“噢,当然有!”希尔达说。“谈吐得体就会显得很自然。”“也就是所谓第二天性吧!”他说完笑了起来。“没门。”他说。“俺烦透了那些俗礼繁节。让俺随心所欲吧!”很明显,希尔达被驳得哑口无言,恼羞成怒。毕竟,应该感到脸上有光的人是他。可万没想到,他却开始装腔作势,端着十足的派头,似乎认为能到他家做客是别人的荣幸。厚颜无耻的家伙!可怜的康妮,怎么会误入歧途,落入这恶徒的魔爪! The three ate in silence. Hilda looked to see what his table-manners were like. She could not help realizing that he was instinctively much more delicate and well-bred than herself. She had a certain Scottish clumsiness. And moreover, he had all the quiet self-contained assurance of the English, no loose edges. It would be very difficult to get the better of him. 三个人默不作声地吃着。希尔达观察着梅勒斯席间的举止是否得体。她只能承认,与自己相比,他表现出更加优雅的仪态,以及良好的教养,这显然是他内在的品质。她像苏格兰人那样古板,有失圆滑。而他却拥有英格兰人安静沉默、从容不迫的优点,几乎无懈可击。想要他自愿认栽,绝非易事。 But neither would he get the better of her. 但他也别想在希尔达那里讨到便宜。 "And do you really think," she said, a little more humanly, "it's worth the risk.” "Is what worth what risk?" "This escapade with my sister." He flickered his irritating grin. “你当真认为,”她说,语气不再那样咄咄逼人,“这值得冒风险吗?”“什么事值得冒风险?”“和我妹妹偷情的事。”他那招人恨的笑容再次浮现。 "Yo'maun ax 'er!” Then he looked at Connie. “恁得问她!”说完,他看着康妮。 "Tha comes o'thine own accord, lass, doesn't ter? It's non me as forces thee?” Connie looked at Hilda. “恁是心甘情愿的,对吧,亲爱的?俺可没有对恁用强。”康妮望着希尔达。 "I wish you wouldn't cavil, Hilda.” "Naturally I don't want to. But someone has to think about things. You've got to have some sort of continuity in your life. You can't just go making a mess.” There was a moment's pause. “你最好不要鸡蛋里面挑骨头,希尔达。”“我才懒得那样做呢。可总要有人思前想后。生活总该有些延续性。不能任它乱成一团糟。”又是片刻的沉默。 "Eh, continuity!" He said. "An'what by that? What continuity ave yer got I'your life? I thought you was gettin'divorced. What continuity's that? Continuity o'yer own stubbornness. I can see that much. An'what good's it goin'to do yer? You'll be sick o'yer continuity afore yer a fat sight older. A stubborn woman an er own self-will: ay, they make a fast continuity, they do. Thank heaven, it isn't me as 'as got th'andlin'of yer!” "What right have you to speak like that to me?" Said Hilda. “哦,延续性!”他说。“那又怎么着?恁自己的生活又有怎样的延续性呢?俺晓得恁正在闹离婚。这件事的延续性又在哪里?得以延续的不过是恁不撞南墙不回头的固执。俺早就看透了这一点。所谓的延续性对恁而言有啥好处呢?不用多久,恁就会对它深恶痛绝了。固执己见的女人总喜欢钻牛角尖,这样的性格恰好是对延续性的完美诠释,真是再恰当不过。谢天谢地,幸好俺不用跟恁打交道!”“你有何权利这样对我说话?”希尔达质问道。 "Right! What right ha'yo'ter start harnessin'other folks i'your continuity? Leave folks to their own continuities.” "My dear man, do you think I am concerned with you?" Said Hilda softly. “权利!那恁有有啥权利,随便拿恁的延续性来约束别人?管好恁自己就行了。”“我亲爱的先生,你认为咱俩有什么牵连吗?”希尔达轻声问。 "Ay," he said. "Yo'are. For it's a force-put. Yo'more or less my sister-in-law.” "Still far from it, I assure you. “唉。”他说。“当然有。因为这是好赖你都得管。但恁好歹也是我的大姨子。”“还差得远呢,我老实跟你讲。” "Not a'that far, I assure you. I've got my own sort o'continuity, back your life! Good as yours, any day. An' if your sister there comes ter me for a bit o'cunt an'tenderness, she knows what she's after. She's been in my bed afore: which you 'aven't, thank the Lord, with your continuity.” There was a dead pause, before he added: “—Eh, I don't wear me breeches arse-forrards. An'if I get a windfall, I thank my stars. A man gets a lot of enjoyment out o'that lass theer, which is more than anybody gets out o'th'likes o'you. Which is a pity, for you might appen a'bin a good apple, 'stead of a handsome crab. Women like you needs proper graftin’.” He was looking at her with an odd, flickering smile, faintly sensual and appreciative. “没有那么遥不可及,俺也实在跟恁说。不管怎么说,俺自己也讲求延续性。认真程度绝不逊于恁,任何情况下都是如此。要是恁妹妹来俺这儿,为的是寻求性爱和柔情,她应该明晰自己的目的。她和俺上过床,这是单凭恁的延续性所无法得到的,天地为证。”他稍作停顿,又接着说:“——呃,我可不是会反穿马裤的呆瓜。要是天鹅肉落到嘴里,我会感激神灵眷顾。坐拥如此貌美如花的娇娘,男人自然是逞心如意,乐得尽情享受;那个家伙要是遇到恁,那可就没有这等艳福了。真是可惜,恁本来能生就成一颗味道香甜的上等苹果,谁料想,却变成中看不中用的烂货。恁这号女人真需要造物主帮忙嫁接一下。”他面带怪笑,盯着她看,眼神中露出挑逗和品评的意味。 "And men like you," she said, "ought to be segregated: justifying their own vulgarity and selfish lust.” "Ay, ma'am! It's a mercy there's a few men left like me. But you deserve what you get: to be left severely alone.” Hilda had risen and gone to the door. He rose and took his coat from the peg. “像你这样的男人,”她反唇相讥,“就应该被隔离开来,这是你们因下流无耻、自私自利的性格而应得的惩罚。”“是呀,夫人!世上还存留着我这样的好男人,实在是件幸事。可你如今独守空闺,也算是自作自受。”希尔达愤而离席,径直往门口走去。他也站起身来,从衣钩上取下自己的外套。 "I can find my way quite well alone," she said. “我自己完全可以找到路。”她说。 "I doubt you can't," he replied easily. “恐怕你做不到。”他轻描淡写地回应道。 They tramped in ridiculous file down the lane again, in silence. An owl still hooted. He knew he ought to shoot it. 一行三人依旧滑稽地鱼贯而行,顺着林间小径原路返回,仍然没人做声。猫头鹰还没闭嘴。他恨不得将它射杀。 The car stood untouched, a little dewy. Hilda got in and started the engine. The other two waited. 汽车好端端地停在那里,只不过沾了点露水。希尔达上了车,发动起引擎。康妮和梅勒斯则等在一旁。 "All I mean," she said from her entrenchment, "is that I doubt if you'll find it's been worth it, either of you!” "One man's meat is another man's poison," he said, out of the darkness. "But it's meat an'drink to me. “我要留下的忠告是,”希尔达坐在车里说,“你们俩恐怕都将悔之晚矣!”“萝卜青菜,各有所爱。”他站在阴影中反驳道。“对我而言,这是件两全其美的好事。” The lights flared out. 车灯亮起。 "Don't make me wait in the morning,” "No, I won't. Goodnight!” The car rose slowly on to the highroad, then slid swiftly away, leaving the night silent. “明早别让我等你。”“知道,我不会让你等的。晚安!”车子缓缓爬上公路,接着飞驰而去,只留下寂静无声的夜。 Connie timidly took his arm, and they went down the lane. He did not speak. At length she drew him to a standstill. 康妮娇羞地挽起他的手臂,踏上回程的道路。他依旧不愿做声。最后,她伸手拉住他。 "Kiss me!" She murmured. “吻我!”她低声说。 "Nay, wait a bit! Let me simmer down," he said. “别介,等会再说!让我冷静一下。”他说。 That amused her. She still kept hold of his arm, and they went quickly down the lane, in silence. She was so glad to be with him, just now. She shivered, knowing that Hilda might have snatched her away. He was inscrutably silent. 这话让她觉得很好笑。她仍然挎着他的胳膊,两人默默无言,疾步往回赶。此时此刻,能与他共处,便让她感到无比快乐。想起希尔达差点将他俩拆散,她不禁心有余悸。沉默不语的他显得高深莫测。 When they were in the cottage again, she almost jumped with pleasure, that she should be free of her sister. 两人再度回到农舍,她几乎雀跃起来,总算摆脱了姐姐的管束。 "But you were horrid to Hilda," she said to him. “可你刚才对希尔达太凶了。”她埋怨他说。 "She should ha'been slapped in time.” "But why? And she's so nice.” He didn't answer, went round doing the evening chores, with a quiet, inevitable sort of motion. He was outwardly angry, but not with her. So Connie felt. And his anger gave him a peculiar handsomeness, an inwardness and glisten that thrilled her and made her limbs go molten. “她应该吃到耳光的。”“为什么呀?她可是个好人。”他没搭理她,只是默默忙着晚间要做的琐事。他怒气未消,但却并非针对她。康妮能感觉到这点。愤怒的他显得格外俊朗,那种内敛的光芒让她心醉神迷,四肢绵软无力。 Still he took no notice of her. 他依旧对她不理不睬。 Till he sat down and began to unlace his boots. Then he looked up at her from under his brows, on which the anger still sat firm. 最后,他坐下来,开始解长靴的鞋带。他抬头看着她,紧皱的眉宇间依然笼罩着怒火。 "Shan't you go up?" he said. "There's a candle!” He jerked his head swiftly to indicate the candle burning on the table. She took it obediently, and he watched the full curve of her hips as she went up the first stairs. “你想上楼去吗?”他问。“那儿有蜡烛!”他迅速地歪了歪头,示意康妮去取桌上燃着的蜡烛。她听话地拿起蜡烛,拾级而上,而他的目光早已在那丰满的臀部上游移。 It was a night of sensual passion, in which she was a little startled and almost unwilling: yet pierced again with piercing thrills of sensuality, different, sharper, more terrible than the thrills of tenderness, but, at the moment, more desirable. Though a little frightened, she let him have his way, and the reckless, shameless sensuality shook her to her foundations, stripped her to the very last, and made a different woman of her. It was not really love. It was not voluptuousness. It was sensuality sharp and searing as fire, burning the soul to tinder. 那是个令性欲高涨的夜晚,让她颇感讶异,甚至有些抗拒,在最紧关截要的时刻,肉欲的快感再次将她征服,它与温情的愉悦不同,更加紧张刺激,更加酣畅淋漓。虽然心如鹿撞,但她依然任他恣意驰骋,赤裸裸的情欲摇撼着她的胸衣,将她彻底剥得身无片缕,变成与往日不同的全新女子。那其实并非爱情的驱使。甚至不是情欲在作祟。那只是对快感的追求,如熊熊烈火般猛烈炽热,将整个灵魂全部点燃。 Burning out the shames, the deepest, oldest shames, in the most secret places. It cost her an effort to let him have his way and his will of her. She had to be a passive, consenting thing, like a slave, a physical slave. Yet the passion licked round her, consuming, and when the sensual flame of it pressed through her bowels and breast, she really thought she was dying: yet a poignant, marvellous death. 这火焰在最私密的所在肆虐着,将最深刻古老的羞耻心彻底烧尽。康妮卖力地迎合着他的意志与欲求。她只是被动地逢迎着,仿佛是个奴隶,肉欲的奴隶。欲火舔舐着她的全身,将她吞噬,当火焰穿透她的酥胸,焚烧着她的脏腑,她真的感觉自己就要死去,那种体验痛快淋漓,妙至毫巅。 She had often wondered what Abélard meant, when he said that in their year of love he and Héloïse had passed through all the stages and refinements of passion. The same thing, a thousand years ago: ten thousand years ago! The same on the Greek vases, everywhere! The refinements of passion, the extravagances of sensuality! And necessary, forever necessary, to burn out false shames and smelt out the heaviest ore of the body into purity. With the fire of sheer sensuality. 阿贝拉尔(注:1079-1142,法国经院哲学家,神学家,先驱逻辑学家)说过,自己与埃洛伊兹(注:1101?-1164,法国修女,作家,学者,曾任女修道院院长,与阿贝拉尔的恋情更是成为传奇)相爱的岁月里,曾将情欲的所有花样和妙处都尝遍,康妮常常因此感到迷惑不解。原来性欲之美,千百年前的先人就已体验!描写性爱的画作在希腊古瓶上随处可见!激情的微妙,性欲的放纵!让欲火将伪善的羞耻烧光,将体内最沉重的矿石熔化,达到纯洁的境地,必须让它燃烧,无休无止地燃烧下去。那是纯纯粹粹的情欲之火。 In the short summer night she learnt so much. She would have thought a woman would have died of shame. Instead of which, the shame died. Shame, which is fear: the deep Organic shame, the old, old physical fear which crouches in the bodily roots of us, and can only be chased away by the sensual fire, at last it was roused up and routed by the phallic hunt of the man, and she came to the very heart of the jungle of herself. She felt, now, she had come to the real bed-rock of her nature, and was essentially shameless. She was her sensual self, naked and unashamed. She felt a triumph, almost a vainglory. So! That was how it was! That was life! That was how oneself really was! There was nothing left to disguise or be ashamed of. She shared her ultimate nakedness with a man, another being. 在这个短暂的夏夜,她受益良多。她本以为女人会因羞耻而亡。然而现在,走向灭亡的却是羞耻本身。羞耻的本质其实就是恐惧,在肉体的深处,暗藏着对官能的深切羞耻,对肉欲的古老恐惧,只有欲火能够将它们驱走。最终,引导这欲火的是男人阳物的进击,将她带到心灵丛林的中心之处。她感觉,此刻已经置身天然情欲喷发的当口,羞耻在这里荡然无存。如今的自我只知享受性欲的快感,赤裸着,但却毫无羞耻之心。她体验到胜利的感觉,甚至禁不住自负起来。原来如此!这才是一切的真相!这才是生命的真谛!这才是人类本来的面目!世间本没有可掩饰或者羞耻的东西。她正与一个男人,与另一种生命,共享这无羞无耻的终极赤裸。 And what a reckless devil the man was! Really like a devil! One had to be strong to bear him. But it took some getting at, the core of the physical jungle, the last and deepest recess of organic shame. The phallos alone could explore it. And how he had pressed in on her! 而这个男人就像个厚颜无耻的恶魔!彻彻底底的恶魔!只有身心强健的女子,才能禁得住这种蹂躏。要抵达肉体丛林的最深处,寻得官能羞耻最后的藏身之地,需要无所畏惧,披荆斩棘。而只有男人的阳物才能完成这探索的重任。因此,他才会跟她这样如胶似漆! And how, in fear, she had hated it. But how she had really wanted it! She knew now. At the bottom of her soul, fundamentally, she had needed this phallic hunting Out, she had secretly wanted it, and she had believed that she would never get it. Now suddenly there it was, and a man was sharing her last and final nakedness, she was shameless. 惊恐时分,她曾经对它充满憎恨。可其实,她对它充满渴求!如今,她深切地了解到这些。在她的灵魂深处,她曾对它的探寻充满向往,暗暗地想得到它,并且以为自己永远无法如愿。如今,它从天而降,她毫无羞耻之心,与情郎畅享着自己身心彻底的赤裸。 What liars poets and everybody were! They made one think one wanted sentiment. When what one supremely wanted was this piercing, consuming, rather awful sensuality. To find a man who dared do it, without shame or sin or final misgiving! If he had been ashamed afterwards, and made one feel ashamed, how awful! What a pity most men are so doggy, a bit shameful, like Clifford! Like Michaelis even! Both sensually a bit doggy and humiliating. The supreme pleasure of the mind! And what is that to a woman? What is it, really, to the man either! He becomes merely messy and doggy, even in his mind. It needs sheer sensuality even to purify and quicken the mind. Sheer fiery sensuality, not messiness. 诗人和世人都在散布谎言!他们让女人相信,自己需要的是情感。但女人真正迫切需要的是这种酣畅淋漓,荡魂摄魄,让人又爱又怕的性欲。找个敢于与你共享性爱的男人吧,他得能将羞耻和罪恶抛开,忘却最后的疑虑!如果完事后,男人觉得羞耻,让女人也感到羞耻,那实在是糟糕透顶!真可惜,大多数男人都唯唯诺诺,受羞耻心的驱遣,克利福德就是如此!甚至连米凯利斯都是这样!他俩在性欲方面都难如人意,甚至以此为羞。他们追求的是精神的无上快乐!可那对女人来讲有个屁用!事实上,即使对男人而言,也根本是水月镜花!这种畸形的追求只会让男人变得一塌糊涂,毫无丈夫气概,甚至连精神领域也是如此。要使精神世界得到净化和振奋,靠的是赤裸裸的欲望。火一般炙热的性欲,而不是剪不断理还乱的空想。 Ah, God, how rare a thing a man is! They are all dogs that trot and sniff and copulate. To have found a man who was not afraid and not ashamed! She looked at him now, sleeping so like a wild animal asleep, gone, gone in the remoteness of it. She nestled down, not to be away from him. 啊,神啊,真正的男子汉世间罕有!多数男人都跟犬类无异,东摇西逛,四处乱嗅,交尾媾和。去找个无畏无羞的男人吧!此时此刻,她凝望着熟睡的他,如同酣然入眠的野兽,深深地迷失在遥远的梦乡里。她依偎在情郎的身旁,再也不愿远走他乡。 Till his rousing waked her completely. He was sitting up in bed, looking down at her. She saw her own nakedness in his eyes, immediate knowledge of her. And the fluid, male knowledge of herself seemed to flow to her from his eyes and wrap her voluptuously. Oh, how voluptuous and lovely it was to have limbs and body half-asleep, heavy and suffused with passion. 他起床时,也将她彻底惊醒。他坐在床上,低头看着她。她从他的眼睛里,看到赤裸裸的自己,了解到他对自己直观的认识。男性对她的认识仿佛某种液体,从他的眼里流泻到她身上,将她包裹缠绕起来,充满肉欲的色彩。噢,这慵懒的四肢,横陈的娇躯,半梦半醒,洋溢着无限的激情,如此的性感,如此的可爱。 "Is it time to wake up?" she said. “该起床了吧?”她问。 "Half past six." She had to be at the lane-end at eight. Always, always, always this compulsion on one! “六点半了。”她八点必须赶到小路尽头。外界的压力总是步步紧逼,没完没了,无休无止! "I might make the breakfast and bring it up here; should I?" he said. “我可以去做早餐,然后拿到这儿吃,怎么样?”他说。 "Oh yes!" Flossie whimpered gently below. He got up and threw off his pyjamas, and rubbed himself with a towel. When the human being is full of courage and full of life, how beautiful it is! So she thought, as she watched him in silence. “噢,好呀!”弗洛西在楼下呜咽着。他起身脱掉睡衣,用毛巾擦拭着身体。充满勇气和生机的男人,是多么地美丽!她含情脉脉地望着他,心里这样想。 "Draw the curtain, will you?" The sun was shining already on the tender green leaves of morning, and the wood stood bluey-fresh, in the nearness. She sat up in bed, looking dreamily out through the dormer window, her naked arms pushing her naked breasts together. He was dressing himself. She was half-dreaming of life, a life together with him: just a life. “拉开窗帘,好吗?”太阳早已在清晨嫩绿的叶片上闪耀,近处的树林呈现出鲜亮的蓝色。她坐在床上,透过天窗向外张望,感觉如同做梦一般,赤裸的臂膀将裸露的乳房挤到一起。他正在穿衣服。而她却半梦半醒地憧憬着未来的生活,与他共度的美好生活,真真正正的生活。 He was going, fleeing from her dangerous, crouching nakedness. 他向外走去,逃离她那蜷缩着的诱人裸体。 "Have I lost my nightie altogether?" She said. “我把睡衣弄丢了?”她问。 He pushed his hand down in the bed, and pulled out the bit of flimsy silk. 他将手伸到床下,拖出块轻薄的绸布。 "I knowed I felt silk at my ankles," he said. “怪不得我总感觉脚踝处缠着块绸子。”他恍然大悟。 But the night-dress was slit almost in two. 但睡衣已几乎被扯成两半。 "Never mind!" She said. "It belongs here, really. I'll leave it.” "Ay, leave it, I can put it between my legs at night, for company. There's no name nor mark on it, is there?” She slipped on the torn thing, and sat dreamily looking out of the window. The window was Open, the air of morning drifted in, and the sound of birds. Birds flew continuously past. Then she saw Flossie roaming out. It was morning. “没关系!”她说。“它属于这里。就把它留在这里吧。”“是呀,留在这儿吧,晚上我把它夹在两腿间,就当是你陪在我身边。上面没有名字或者标记吧?”她穿上那件被扯碎的睡衣,坐着望向窗外,似乎依然没有摆脱甜美的梦境。窗户敞开着,她嗅到清晨新鲜的空气,听见清脆的鸟鸣。鸟儿接二连三地从窗前飞过。接着,她看到弗洛西在屋外徜徉起来。早晨确实已经到来。 Downstairs she heard him making the fire, pumping water, going out at the back door. By and by came the smell of bacon, and at length he came upstairs with a huge black tray that would only just go through the door. He set the tray on the bed, and poured out the tea. Connie squatted in her torn nightdress, and fell on her food hungrily. He sat on the one chair, with his plate on his knees. 她听到他在楼下生火汲水,然后从后门出去。熏肉的香味渐渐传来,他终于走上楼来,手里端着个硕大的黑色托盘,大到堪堪能够拿得进门。他把托盘搁在床上,斟好茶。康妮穿着撕破的睡衣,蹲在床上,狼吞虎咽,大快朵颐。他坐着卧室仅有的那把椅子,将餐盘搁在膝盖上面。 "How good it is!" She said. "How nice to have breakfast together." He ate in silence, his mind on the time that was quickly passing. That made her remember. “这样真好!”她说。“共进早餐多么美妙。”他默默地吃着,心里想着飞速流逝的时间。这让她也记起离别就在眼前。 "Oh, how I wish I could stay here with you, and Wragby were a million miles away! It's Wragby I'm going away from really. You know that, don't you?” "Ay!" "And you promise we will live together and have a life together, you and me! You promise me, don't you?” "Ay! When we can." "Yes! And we WILL! We will, won't we?" she leaned over, making the tea spill, catching his wrist. “噢,我真的希望能留下,陪在你身边,而拉格比则在距离我们百万英里的地方!其实我要摆脱的是拉格比。你懂我的意思,对吗?”“是呀!”“你答应过,我们将会长相厮守,只有你和我。你答应过的,对吗?”“唉!能做到的时候才作数。”“当然能!我们会做到的!我们会永远在一起,对吗?”她向前探着身子,握住她的手腕,不想茶水却泼溅出来。 "Ay!" He said, tidying up the tea. “唉!”他说着,将茶渍清理干净。 "We can't possibly not live together now, can we?" she said appealingly. “现在,我们已经注定将共度余生,对吗?”她期待再度得到肯定的答案。 He looked up at her with his flickering grin. 他抬头看着他,脸上闪过一丝笑意。 "No!" He said. "Only you've got to start in twenty-five minutes.” "Have I?" She cried. Suddenly he held up a warning finger, and rose to his feet. “是的!”他说。“只是你25分钟后就要出发了。”“是吗?”她叫道。突然,他举起一根手指,示意她不要出声,然后站起身来。 Flossie had given a short bark, then three loud sharp yaps of warning. 刚才,弗洛西先是短吠一声,然后大声汪汪叫了三声,这是在向他示警。 Silent, he put his plate on the tray and went downstairs. Constance heard him go down the garden path. A bicycle bell tinkled outside there. 他不再做声,把餐盘搁在托盘上,下楼去了。康斯坦斯听到他走过花园间的小径。外面响起自行车的铃声。 "Morning, Mr. Mellors! Registered letter!" "Oh ay! Got a pencil?" "Here y'are!” There was a pause. “早安,梅勒斯先生!挂号信!”“噢!有铅笔吗?”“给您!”片刻的沉默。 "Canada!" Said the stranger's voice. “加拿大!”这是来自陌生人的声音。 "Ay! That's a mate o'mine out there in British Columbia. Dunno what he's got to register.” "'Appen sent y'a fortune, like.” "More like wants summat." Pause. “是呀!是俺战友来的信,他在英属哥伦比亚。不晓得他寄来了啥东西。”“兴许给您寄来一笔钱什么的。”“要钱的可能性大些。”沉默再度降临。 "Well! Lovely day again!" "Ay!" “嘿!又是个大晴天!”“是呀!” "Morning!" "Morning!" After a time he came upstairs again, looking a little angry. “再见!”“再见!”片刻之后,他回到楼上,脸上微露怒色。 "Postman," he said. “邮差。”他说。 "Very early!" She replied. “真早啊!”她应道。 "Rural round; he's mostly here by seven, when he does come. “负责收送乡间的信件,总是七点左右到这里。” "Did your mate send you a fortune?" "No! Only some photographs and papers about a place out there in British Columbia." "Would you go there?" "I thought perhaps we might." "Oh yes! I believe it's lovely!” But he was put out by the postman's coming. “战友给你寄钱来了?”“不是!只是些关于英属哥伦比亚某地的照片和报纸。”“你打算去那儿吗?”“我打算带你一起去。”“噢,太棒了!那儿准是个美丽的地方!”可邮递员的不期而至,让他有些恼火。 "Them damn bikes, they're on you afore you know where you are. I hope he twigged nothing.” "After all, what could he twig!" "You must get up now, and get ready. I'm just goin'ter look round outside.” She saw him go reconnoitring into the lane, with dog and gun. She went downstairs and washed, and was ready by the time he came back, with the few things in the little silk bag. “那些倒霉的脚踏车,总是冷不防给你来个突然袭击。希望他没觉察到什么。”“不会的,他发现不了什么!”“你得赶紧起来,做好出发的准备。我去外面巡视一下。”她看到他挎着猎枪,带着猎犬,沿着小径巡查去了。她下楼梳洗,等他回来,已经准备停当,带来的几件物什已经装进小绸布袋里。 He locked up, and they set off, but through the wood, not down the lane. He was being wary. 他锁好门,两人出发了,走的却不是昨晚那条小路,而是从树林穿过。他十分机警。 "Don't you think one lives for times like last night?" she said to him. “人活一世,昨晚那样激情的夜能有几回呀?”她对他说。 "Ay! But there's the rest o'times to think on," he replied, rather short. “是呀!可剩下的时间只能回味。”他的回答异常简短。 They plodded on down the overgrown path, he in front, in silence. 两人顺着荒草丛生的小径艰难前行,他默默地在前面引路。 "And we will live together and make a life together, won't we?” She pleaded. “我们很快就可以长相厮守,对吗?”她恳切地问。 "Ay!" He replied, striding on without looking round. "When t'time comes! Just now you're off to Venice or somewhere.” She followed him dumbly, with sinking heart. Oh, now she was WAE to go! “是呀!”他答道,但却没有回头,仍旧大踏步前进着。“等到时机成熟的时候!眼下你就要离开,到威尼斯或者别的什么地方去了。”她不再说话,只是跟在他后面,心沉到谷底。噢,此刻,她依依不舍! At last he stopped. 他停下脚步。 "I'll just strike across here," he said, pointing to the right. “我要从这里穿过去。”他指着右边说。 But she flung her arms round his neck, and clung to him. 可她上前搂住他的脖项,紧紧依偎着他。 "But you'll keep the tenderness for me, won't you?” She whispered. "I loved last night. But you'll keep the tenderness for me, won't you?” He kissed her and held her close for a moment. Then he sighed, and kissed her again. “你对我的情意不会改变,对吗?”她低声说。“我爱昨晚。可你不会忘却对我的情意,是吗?”他亲吻她,紧紧拥抱了她一会儿。然后,他叹口气,再度吻她。 "I must go an'look if th'car's there.” He strode over the low brambles and bracken, leaving a trail through the fern. For a minute or two he was gone. Then he came striding back. “我得去看看车子到了没有。”他踏过低矮的荆棘和欧洲蕨,在草丛中踩出一条路来。他去了片刻。然后大踏步赶回来。 "Car's not there yet," he said. "But there's the baker's cart on t"road.” He seemed anxious and troubled. “车子还没来。”他说。“但面包房的手推车停在公路上。”他显得忧心忡忡。 "Hark!" They heard a car softly hoot as it came nearer. It slowed up on the bridge. “听!”他们听到轿车低低的喇叭声由远及近。过桥时,它放慢了速度。 She plunged with utter mournfulness in his track through the fern, and came to a huge holly hedge. He was just behind her. 她怀着满腔离愁,沿着他踩出的道路前进,来到一排高大的冬青树旁。而他紧跟在她身后。 "Here! Go through there!" He said, pointing to a gap. "I shan't come out.” “这边!从那儿过去!”他指着树木间的缝隙说。“我就不露面了。” She looked at him in despair. But he kissed her and made her go. She crept in sheer misery through the holly and through the wooden fence, stumbled down the little ditch and up into the lane, where Hilda was just getting out of the car in vexation. 她绝望地看着他。但他只是再度亲吻她,催促她赶紧离去。她悲痛欲绝,穿过冬青丛,翻过木栅栏,摇晃着迈过小沟,走上通往公路的小径。希尔达见不到人,正气冲冲地走下车来。 "Why you're there!” Said Hilda. "Where's he?” "He's not coming.” Connie's face was running with tears as she got into the car with her little bag. Hilda snatched up the motoring helmet with the disfiguring goggles. “哦,你来了!”希尔达说。“他去哪了?”“他没过来。”康妮握着布袋,坐进车里时,已是泪流满面。希尔达抓起那带有风镜的车用帽盔。 "Put it on!" She said. And Connie pulled on the disguise, then the long motoring coat, and she sat down, a goggling inhuman, unrecognizable creature. Hilda started the car with a businesslike motion. They heaved out of the lane, and were away down the road. Connie had looked round, but there was no sight of him. Away! Away! She sat in bitter tears. The parting had come so suddenly, so unexpectedly. It was like death. “戴上它!”她说。康妮戴上这伪装,穿上长大的车用外套,在车里坐好,变成某种不成人形、难以辨认的生物。希尔达有条不紊地发动了汽车。她们驶离小径,顺着公路向前进发。康妮回头张望,却不见他的踪影。他已经离去!消失不见!她坐在车上,以泪洗面。分别来得如此突然,如此不曾预想。似乎永远无法再见。 "Thank goodness you'll be away from him for some time!” Said Hilda, turning to avoid Crosshill village. “谢天谢地,你总算能暂时摆脱他。”希尔达说,调转车头,绕开通往克罗斯希尔村的道路。 第十七章 "You see, Hilda," said Connie after lunch, when they were nearing London, "you have never known either real tenderness or real sensuality: and if you do know them, with the same person, it makes a great difference.” "For mercy's sake don't brag about your experiences!" said Hilda. “你知道,希尔达,”吃过午饭,伦敦已经在望,康妮说,“你从未体验过难分难舍的温情或者如胶似漆的性爱,如果能在同一个男人身上兼得两者,那更会让你有与众不同的美妙感觉。”“行行好,别再夸耀你的丰富经验了!”希尔达说。 "I've never met the man yet who was capable of intimacy with a woman, giving himself up to her. That was what I wanted. I'm not keen on their self-satisfied tenderness, and their sensuality. I'm not content to be any man's little petsy-wetsy, nor his Chair À Plaisir either. I wanted a complete intimacy, and I didn't get it. That's enough for me.” “能跟女人亲密无间,将全部身心尽数奉献的男人,我还真没遇到过。我需要的正是这种男人。至于那种自以为是的温情和性欲,我根本就没放在眼里。我不想做任何男人的玩偶,或者沦为泄欲的工具。我想要亲密无间的感情,但并未得到。对我来说那就够了。” Connie pondered this. Complete intimacy! She supposed that meant revealing everything concerning yourself to the other person, and his revealing everything concerning himself. But that was a bore. And all that weary self-consciousness between a man and a woman! a disease! 康妮思考着姐姐的话。亲密无间的感情!依照她的猜想,这意味着彼此完全坦诚相见,毫无私隐。可这该多无聊呀。在男女情感中,无法完全忘却自我,最终会让双方都筋疲力尽!那简直就是种心理疾病! "I think you're too conscious of yourself all the time, with everybody," she said to her sister. “依我看,你和别人相处的时候,往往太在乎自己。”她提醒姐姐。 "I hope at least I haven't a slave nature," said Hilda. “我只希望自己不要沾染上奴性。”希尔达说。 "But perhaps you have! Perhaps you are a slave to your own idea of yourself." Hilda drove in silence for some time after this piece of unheard of insolence from that chit Connie. “可或许你恰恰就无法摆脱这种天性!大概奴役你的正是自我意识。”有一段时间,希尔达只是一声不吭地开着车,心里想着,康妮这小丫头,竟然说出如此无礼的言语。 "At least I'm not a slave to somebody else's idea of me: and the somebody else a servant of my husband's," she retorted at last, in crude anger. “至少我不会受别人思想的支配,更不会听我丈夫的奴仆指手画脚。”她终于忍无可忍,发起反击。 "You see, it's not so," said Connie calmly. “并非你想象的那样。”康妮平静地回应道。 She had always let herself be dominated by her elder sister. Now, though somewhere inside herself she was weeping, she was free of the dominion of other women. Ah! that in itself was a relief, like being given another life: to be free of the strange dominion and obsession of other women. 她向来甘愿接受姐姐的支配。而此时此刻,虽然内心在泣血,但她却从另一个女人的掌控中解脱出来。啊!这本身就是种解脱,好像重获新生,摆脱其他女人的控制和纠缠。 How awful they were, women! 女人是多么可怕的动物呀! She was glad to be with her father, whose favourite she had always been. She and Hilda stayed in a little hotel off Pall Mall, and Sir Malcolm was in his club. But he took his daughters out in the evening, and they liked going with him. 与父亲重聚,让康妮很开心,因为她始终是父亲的宠儿。她和希尔达住在帕尔玛尔的小旅馆里,而马尔科姆爵士则留在俱乐部里。但到晚上,他就会带着两个女儿出去玩,她俩也都愿意跟父亲同往。 He was still handsome and robust, though just a little afraid of the new world that had sprung up around him. He had got a second wife in Scotland, younger than himself and richer. But he had as many holidays away from her as possible: just as with his first wife. 他依然丰神俊朗,精力充沛,虽然身边迅速涌现的新生事物让他略感害怕。他在苏格兰续了弦,妻子更加年轻富有。但他却总会寻找机会,丢下她去各地旅行,就像对待亡故的发妻一样。 Connie sat next to him at the opera. He was moderately stout, and had stout thighs, but they were still strong and well-knit, the thighs of a healthy man who had taken his pleasure in life. His good-humoured selfishness, his dogged sort of independence, his unrepenting sensuality, it seemed to Connie she could see them all in his well-knit straight thighs. Just a man! And now becoming an old man, which is sad. Because in his strong, thick male legs there was none of the alert sensitiveness and power of tenderness which is the very essence of youth, that which never dies, once it is there. 欣赏歌剧时,康妮坐在父亲旁边。他略微发福,大腿很粗,但却依然结实强健。这位身强体壮的男人显然曾经尽享人生乐趣。他乐天但却自私的脾气,执拗但却独立的秉性,还有对肉欲不知悔改的追求,康妮感觉这些都能从他笔直强壮的大腿上看出来。真是个地地道道的男人!可令人伤怀的是,他如今已经步入暮年。因为在他粗壮的男性双腿中,敏捷以及温情的力量已经无踪无影,而那些恰恰是青春的本质,只要拥有青春,它们便不会消逝。 Connie woke up to the existence of legs. They became more important to her than faces, which are no longer very real. How few people had live, alert legs! She looked at the men in the stalls. Great puddingy thighs in black pudding-cloth, or lean wooden sticks in black funeral stuff, or well-shaped young legs without any meaning whatever, either sensuality or tenderness or sensitiveness, just mere leggy ordinariness that pranced around. Not even any sensuality like her father's. They were all daunted, daunted out of existence. 康妮突然认识到双腿的重要意义。在她看来,腿远比脸重要得多,因为后者已经不再那样真实。而鲜活灵敏的腿已经不再多见!她扫视着在前排落座的男人们。他们的腿要么像扎着黑布袋的大号软布丁,要么像裹着黑丧布的细木棍,要么就只是年轻好看,但却毫无意义,不性感,不温柔,更不敏感,只是些修长苗条,只会四处瞎逛的平庸之腿。其性感程度甚至赶不上她的父亲。这些腿表现不出半点勇气和胆识,根本没有存在的价值。 But the women were not daunted. The awful mill-posts of most females! really shocking, really enough to justify murder! 可女人们却是勇气可嘉。大多数女人的腿都粗得好像风车!确实触目惊心,甚至足以想让人犯下谋杀的罪行! Or the poor thin pegs! or the trim neat things in silk stockings, without the slightest look of life! Awful, the millions of meaningless legs prancing meaninglessly around! 不然就是又细又瘦,可怜巴巴,像些木桩!或者是藏匿于裁剪精致的长筒丝袜里,毫无生命的迹象!多么可怕,偌大城市中的数百万条腿,竟然都一无是处,终日只知无谓的徜徉! But she was not happy in London. The people seemed so spectral and blank. They had no alive happiness, no matter how brisk and good-looking they were. It was all barren. And Connie had a woman's blind craving for happiness, to be assured of happiness. 她在伦敦过得并不开心。面无表情的人们形同鬼魅。尽管看上去光鲜亮丽,活力四射,但却从不知生活的幸福为何物。过着空洞乏味的日子。而康妮恰恰拥有女人对幸福的执着追求,渴望将幸福握在手中。 In Paris at any rate she felt a bit of sensuality still. But what a weary, tired, worn-out sensuality. Worn-out for lack of tenderness. Oh! Paris was sad. One of the saddest towns: weary of its now-mechanical sensuality, weary of the tension of money, money, money, weary even of resentment and conceit, just weary to death, and still not sufficiently Americanized or Londonized to hide the weariness under a mechanical jig-jig-jig! Ah, these manly he-men, these flâneurs, the oglers, these eaters of good dinners! How weary they were! weary, worn-out for lack of a little tenderness, given and taken. The efficient, sometimes charming women knew a thing or two about the sensual realities: they had that pull over their jigging English sisters. But they knew even less of tenderness. Dry, with the endless dry tension of will, they too were wearing out. The human world was just getting worn out. Perhaps it would turn fiercely destructive. A sort of anarchy! Clifford and his conservative anarchy! Perhaps it wouldn't be conservative much longer. Perhaps it would develop into a very radical anarchy. 而在巴黎,她总算还能体验到些许官能的愉悦。但那种纸醉金迷却让人筋疲力竭,兴味索然。心神交瘁的原因,在于缺少温情的抚慰。噢!巴黎充满哀怨。可算世间最感伤的都市:厌倦了如今毫无感情机械式的欲望,厌倦了对金钱和财富的渴望,甚至厌倦了怨恨和自负的情绪,厌倦至死,却仍无法企及美国或伦敦那样的超然,能用歌舞升平的虚华景象将厌倦掩饰得不露痕迹。啊,这些自以为是的大丈夫,游手好闲的浪荡公子,轻佻浮夸的好色之徒,好吃懒做的寄生虫!他们如此疲倦!因为得不到半点温情,也没有半点温情可给予,他们只得力敝筋疲地透支着自己的生命。那些精明能干、有时娇媚动人的女性对性欲的真相略知一二,在这方面,她们比那些只知纵情歌舞的英国女同胞稍胜一筹。但对于温情,她们知之更少。冷若冰霜,无穷无尽的冷漠意志,她们同样透支着自己的生命。人类世界正慢慢被榨干。或许它将变得极具毁灭性。陷入某种无政府主义的状态里。克利福德和他那谨小慎微的无政府主义!或许也不再会被界定为保守。而将进化成为极端激进的类型。 Connie found herself shrinking and afraid of the world. Sometimes she was happy for a little while in the Boulevards or in the Bois or the Luxembourg Gardens. But already Paris was full of Americans and English, strange Americans in the oddest uniforms, and the usual dreary English that are so hopeless abroad. 康妮感觉自己正步步退缩,对这世界充满恐惧。漫步林荫大道,畅游茂密的丛林或者卢森堡公园,康妮有时能够体验到片刻的欢愉。可如今的巴黎充斥着美国人和英国人,前者总是奇装异服,怪模怪样,而后者则一贯表情阴郁,出国旅行更是紧张兮兮。 She was glad to drive on. It was suddenly hot weather, so Hilda was going through Switzerland and over the Brenner, then through the Dolomites down to Venice. Hilda loved all the managing and the driving and being mistress of the show. Connie was quite content to keep quiet. 康妮很高兴能继续行程。气温陡然升高,所以希尔达取道瑞士,途经勃伦纳山口(注:阿尔卑斯山的主要山口之一,连接意大利与奥地利),跨越多罗米山脉,来到威尼斯。希尔达负责驾驶的同时,还热衷于打理一切,事必躬亲。而康妮则满足于清闲自在。 And the trip was really quite nice. Only Connie kept saying to herself: Why don't I really care! Why am I never really thrilled? How awful, that I don't really care about the landscape any more! But I don't. It's rather awful. I'm like Saint Bernard, who could sail down the lake of Lucerne without ever noticing that there were even mountain and green water. I just don't care for landscape any more. Why should one stare at it? Why should one? I refuse to. 旅途确实令人心旷神怡。只不过,康妮不断自问:为何我始终提不起兴趣!为何我体验不到丝毫兴奋?实在糟糕,就连沿途的美景都无法让我感动!可事实就是如此。这简直太糟糕了。我简直就像圣伯尔纳(注:1090-1153,法国神学家,西多会的创始人),当年他横渡卢塞恩湖,但却连沿途青山绿水都未曾注意到。风光就是无法令我动容。为何非要强迫自己去欣赏呢?为什么?我偏不这样做。 No, she found nothing vital in France or Switzerland or the Tyrol or Italy. She just was carted through it all. And it was all less real than Wragby. Less real than the awful Wragby! She felt she didn't care if she never saw France or Switzerland or Italy again. They'd keep. Wragby was more real. 没错,无论在法国,瑞士,蒂罗尔(注:奥地利西部和意大利北部一地区)或者意大利,她都找寻不到充满生机的景物。自始至终,她都被当做货物般运来运去。所经之地比拉格比更加虚假。连糟糕透顶的拉格比都赶不上!她觉得,即使以后再也不来法国,瑞士或者意大利,也没有关系。这些国度都不过如此。拉格比远比它们真实。 As for people! People were all alike, with very little difference. They all wanted to get money out of you: or, if they were travellers, they wanted to get enjoyment, perforce, like squeezing blood out of a stone. Poor mountains! Poor landscape! it all had to be squeezed and squeezed and squeezed again, to provide a thrill, to provide enjoyment. 至于人!他们全大同小异,没什么区别。他们会想方设法挣光你的钱,而作为游客的,则一心只顾取乐,执着得简直能从石头里面挤出血来。可怜的山峦!可怜的风光!它们不得不接受反复的压榨,带给游客快乐和享受。 What did people mean, with their simply determined enjoying of themselves? No! said Connie to herself I'd rather be at Wragby, where I can go about and be still, and not stare at anything or do any performing of any sort. 那些醉心于享乐的家伙们,到底有什么意义呢?不!康妮自语道。我宁可呆在拉格比,可以四处走走,安然度日,也不愿游山玩水,装腔作势。 This tourist performance of enjoying oneself is too hopelessly humiliating: it's such a failure. 游客们故作快活的行径实在令人汗颜,是彻头彻尾的无聊举动。 She wanted to go back to Wragby, even to Clifford, even to poor crippled Clifford. He wasn't such a fool as this swarming holidaying lot, anyhow. 她想回到拉格比,甚至回到克利福德身边,回去陪伴可怜兮兮、半身瘫痪的克利福德。无论如何,比起这些成群结队、四处瞎逛的傻瓜,他要精明得多。 But in her inner consciousness she was keeping touch with the other man. She mustn't let her connexion with him go: oh, she mustn't let it go, or she was lost, lost utterly in this world of riff-raffy expensive people and joy-hogs. Oh, the joy-hogs! Oh "enjoying oneself"! Another modern form of sickness. 在她的内心世界,她始终保持着与另一个男人的联系。她无法容忍割断与他的关联:噢,绝不能将它忘怀,否则她就会完全迷失,与乌七八糟的富人和只知享乐的猪猡为伍。噢,四处寻欢的猪猡!噢,只知享乐!又一种令人作呕的时髦玩意。 They left the car in Mestre, in a garage, and took the regular steamer over to Venice. It was a lovely summer afternoon, the shallow lagoon rippled, the full sunshine made Venice, turning its back to them across the water, look dim. 她们把车寄存在梅斯特雷的车行里,乘坐定期的汽船前往威尼斯。那是个宜人的夏日午后,浅浅的湖水荡起微波,对岸的威尼斯背对着她们,阳光耀眼,辨不清整座城市的样貌。 At the station quay they changed to a gondola, giving the man the address. He was a regular gondolier in a white-and-blue blouse, not very good-looking, not at all impressive. 在码头登岸后,她俩换乘凤尾船,将目的地告知船夫。船夫身穿蓝白相间的上衣,相貌平平,并无特别之处。 "Yes! The Villa Esmeralda! Yes! I know it! I have been the gondolier for a gentleman there. But a fair distance out!" He seemed a rather childish, impetuous fellow. He rowed with a certain exaggerated impetuosity, through the dark side-canals with the horrible, slimy green walls, the canals that go through the poorer quarters, where the washing hangs high up on ropes, and there is a slight, or strong, odour of sewage. “行!埃斯梅拉达别墅!没问题!我知道那地方!那里的一位先生光顾过我的船。可离这儿还挺远呢!”他稚气未脱,冒冒失失的。他急冲冲地划着船,穿过水质混浊的分支河道,岸两边是黏糊糊的绿色墙壁。河道经过城中的贫民区,洗过的衣物晾在绳子上,阴沟的恶臭时浓时淡。 But at last he came to one of the open canals with pavement on either side, and looping bridges, that run straight, at right-angles to the Grand Canal. The two women sat under the little awning, the man was perched above, behind them. 他终于将船划进主河道,岸两边铺设有人行道,河上架设着弯弯的拱桥。河道笔直,跟大运河形成直角。姐妹俩坐在船篷下面,船夫则站在两人背后翘起的船头处。 "Are the signorine staying long at the Villa Esmeralda?" he asked, rowing easy, and "wiping his perspiring face with a white-and-blue handkerchief. “两位小姐要在埃斯梅拉达别墅长住吗?”他问道,边轻松地操纵着小船,边用蓝白相间的手帕拭去脸上的汗水。 "Some twenty days: we are both married ladies," said Hilda, in her curious hushed voice, that made her Italian sound so foreign. “大概住二十天左右,我俩都结婚了。”希尔达的语调怪异而沙哑,她的意大利语外国腔十足。 "Ah! Twenty days!" said the man. “啊!二十天呢!”船夫说。 There was a pause. After which he asked: "Do the signore want a gondolier for the twenty days or so that they will stay at the Villa Esmeralda? Or by the day, or by the week?" Connie and Hilda considered. In Venice, it is always preferable to have one's own gondola, as it is preferable to have one's own car on land. 沉默片刻。他又问:“两位夫人,逗留期间要不要雇船?按天计算,或者按周计算都可以。”康妮和希尔达考虑着他的提议。置身水城威尼斯,雇条凤尾船确实方便得多,就好比在陆地上拥有自己的汽车一样。 "What is there at the Villa? What boats?" "There is a motor-launch, also a gondola. But—” The but meant: they won't be your property. “别墅里有什么?配有什么船只?”“有只摩托艇,还有条凤尾船。只是……”话锋一转的意思是说,别墅的船你们无法随便调用。 "How much do you charge?" It was about thirty shillings a day, or ten pounds a week. “你要多少钱?”他的要价为每天30先令,每周10英镑。 "Is that the regular price?" asked Hilda. “这是市价吗?”希尔达问。 "Less, Signora, less. The regular price—” The sisters considered. “便宜,夫人,便宜得多。目前的市价是——”姐妹俩思忖着。 "Well," said Hilda, "come tomorrow morning, and we will arrange it. What is your name?" His name was Giovanni, and he wanted to know at what time he should come, and then for whom should he say he was waiting. Hilda had no card. Connie gave him one of hers. He glanced at it swiftly, with his hot, southern blue eyes, then glanced again. “哦,”希尔达说,“你明早过来吧,到时候咱们再定。你叫什么?”船夫名叫乔瓦尼,他询问碰面的时间,到时候找哪位合适。希尔达没有名片。康妮给他一张自己的。他匆匆瞥了一眼,南欧人那双热烈的蓝色眸子转动着,又看了一遍。 "Ah!" He said, lighting up. "Milady! Milady, isn't it?” "Milady Costanza!" said Connie. “啊!”他说,脸上泛起光彩。“从男爵夫人!从男爵夫人,是吗?”“康斯坦萨夫人!”康妮答道。 He nodded, repeating: "Milady Costanza!" And putting the card carefully away in his blouse. 他点点头,重复着:“康斯坦萨夫人!”接着,小心翼翼地把名片揣进衣兜里。 The Villa Esmeralda was quite a long way out, on the edge of the lagoon looking towards Chioggia. It was not a very old house, and pleasant, with the terraces looking seawards, and below, quite a big garden with dark trees, walled in from the lagoon. 埃斯梅拉达别墅确实很远,坐落于泻湖旁边,正对着吉奥吉亚镇。别墅的历史并不悠久,且适宜居住,在露台上可以远眺大海,庞大的私家园林中树木葱郁,临近泻湖边的地方砌有围墙。 Their host was a heavy, rather coarse Scotchman who had made a good fortune in Italy before the war, and had been knighted for his ultrapatriotism during the war. His wife was a thin, pale, sharp kind of person with no fortune of her own, and the misfortune of having to regulate her husband's rather sordid amorous exploits. He was terribly tiresome with the servants. But having had a slight stroke during the winter, he was now more manageable. 别墅主人是个身材臃肿的苏格兰人,形容丑陋,大战前在意大利发了笔横财,因为战时的爱国行径,被册封为爵士。其妻身材瘦弱,面容苍白,但却尖酸刻薄,娘家并无遗财,因丈夫颇爱窃玉偷香,她不得不倾尽心力来制约他的无耻行径。就连仆人们也对他怨声载道。但去年冬天他出现轻微中风的迹象,因此也变得容易驾驭许多。 The house was pretty full. Besides Sir Malcolm and his two daughters, there were seven more people, a Scotch couple, again with two daughters; a young Italian Contessa, a widow; a young Georgian prince, and a youngish English clergyman who had had pneumonia and was being chaplain to Sir Alexander for his health's sake. The prince was penniless, good-looking, would make an excellent chauffeur, with the necessary impudence, and basta! The Contessa was a quiet little puss with a game on somewhere. The clergyman was a raw simple fellow from a Bucks vicarage: luckily he had left his wife and two children at home. And the Guthries, the family of four, were good solid Edinburgh middle class, enjoying everything in a solid fashion, and daring everything while risking nothing. 别墅差不多已经满员。除了马尔科姆爵士和他的两个女儿,总共还有七位房客,分别是一对苏格兰夫妇,同样带着两位千金;一位意大利的伯爵夫人,年纪轻轻便已守寡;一位年轻的格鲁吉亚亲王,还有一位英国牧师,人在中年,因生过肺炎,目前正在亚历山大爵士的礼拜堂供职,借机会调养身体。那位亲王虽然长得雍容华贵,但穷困潦倒,言行粗鲁,雇来做车夫再合适不过!伯爵夫人如猫咪般娴静,但也会耍些手段。牧师本在白金汉教区供职,头脑有些简单,幸好他没把妻子和两个孩子带来。而那四口之家姓格思里,来自爱丁堡,是家资殷实的中产阶级,乐于享受生活,但行事谨慎,敢于尝试一切,但以不冒风险为前提。 Connie and Hilda ruled out the prince at once. The Guthries were more or less their own sort, substantial, hut boring: and the girls wanted husbands. The chaplain was not a bad fellow, but too deferential. Sir Alexander, after his slight stroke, had a terrible heaviness his joviality, but he was still thrilled at the presence of so many handsome young women. Lady Cooper was a quiet, catty person who had a thin time of it, poor thing, and who watched every other woman with a cold watchfulness that had become her second nature, and who said cold, nasty little things which showed what an utterly low opinion she had of all human nature. She was also quite venomously overbearing with the servants, Connie found: but in a quiet way. And she skilfully behaved so that Sir Alexander should think that he was lord and monarch of the whole caboosh, with his stout, would-be-genial paunch, and his utterly boring jokes, his humourosity, as Hilda called it. 康妮和希尔达立即就将亲王踢出局。格思里一家跟她们也算是同类人,有钱有势,但单调乏味,两个女儿都待字闺中。牧师生性良善,可惜太拘于俗礼。而亚历山大爵士,自从出现中风的迹象之后,好交际的乐天性格中掺杂进可怕的沉滞,可家里住进这么多风姿绰约的女子,还是令他意乱情迷。库珀夫人沉默寡言,却工于心计,总是臭着脸,时时刻刻提防着其他女人,已经成为她的第二天性。她总是冷言冷语,话中有话,表现出对所有人类天性的不屑一顾。康妮发现,这恶婆娘对仆人总是专横跋扈,不过表面装出温文尔雅的样子而已。她行事巧妙,让亚历山大爵士自认为自己才是一家之主,说一不二,因为他那肥硕却自诩为随和象征的大肚腩,还有那毫无逗趣效果的笑话,希尔达称之为滑稽的本性。 Sir Malcolm was painting. Yes, he still would do a Venetian lagoonscape, now and then, in contrast to his Scottish landscapes. So in the morning he was rowed off with a huge canvas, to his 'site'. A little later, Lady Cooper would he rowed off into the heart of the city, with sketching-block and colours. She was an inveterate watercolour painter, and the house was full of rose-coloured palaces, dark canals, swaying bridges, medieval facades, and so on. A little later the Guthries, the prince, the countess, Sir Alexander, and sometimes Mr. Lind, the chaplain, would go off to the Lido, where they would bathe; coming home to a late lunch at half past one. 马尔科姆爵士最近热衷于绘画。没错,他想找个时间,画一幅威尼斯水景,毕竟意大利水城与苏格兰的景致迥然不同。于是,每天清晨,他便带着大画布,乘船外出,寻找合适的取景地点。稍迟一会儿,库珀夫人则会带着写生簿和油彩,乘船赶往市中心。她沉迷于水彩画,家里摆满她的画作,玫瑰色的宫殿、阴暗的河道、摇摆着的索桥、中世纪的建筑物,诸如此类。再晚些时候,格思里一家、亲王、伯爵夫人、亚历山大爵士则会集体出行,前往利多岛畅泳,有时候牧师林德先生也会同往,大家都回来得比较晚,午餐通常在一点半开席。 The house-party, as a house-party, was distinctly boring. But this did not trouble the sisters. They were out all the time. Their father took them to the exhibition, miles and miles of weary paintings. He took them to all the cronies of his in the Villa Lucchese, he sat with them on warm evenings in the piazza, having got a table at Florian's: he took them to the theatre, to the Goldoni plays. There were illuminated water-fêtes, there were dances. This was a holiday-place of all holiday-places. The Lido, with its acres of sun-pinked or pyjamaed bodies, was like a strand with an endless heap of seals come up for mating. Too many people in the piazza, too many limbs and trunks of humanity on the Lido, too many gondolas, too many motor-launches, too many steamers, too many pigeons, too many ices, too many cocktails, too many menservants wanting tips, too many languages rattling, too much, too much sun, too much smell of Venice, too many cargoes of strawberries, too many silk shawls, too many huge, raw-beef slices of watermelon on stalls: too much enjoyment, altogether far too much enjoyment! 别墅里的宴会跟普通的家庭聚会没什么两样,令人兴致索然。但这并不会给姐妹俩造成困扰。她俩整天不着家。父亲带她们去欣赏展览,绵延数英里的画作沉闷乏味。他还会带她们去卢切塞别墅探望旧友,共赴广场的热闹晚会,在弗洛里安咖啡馆(注:坐落于威尼斯圣马尔科广场的著名咖啡馆,始建于1720年)小坐,或者是去剧院欣赏哥尔多尼(注:1707-1793,意大利剧作家,现代喜剧的创始人)的戏剧。此外,还有灯火通明的水上游乐会以及舞会。这里堪称度假胜地中的度假胜地。而利多岛的海滩上,则充斥着无数慕名而来的游客,那些镀上古铜色的或者身着肥大衣裤的肉体,活像来此交配的海豹。太多的游客在广场上徜徉,太多的肉体拥挤于利多海滩,太多的凤尾船,太多的汽艇,太多的轮船,太多的鸽子,太多的冷饮,太多的鸡尾酒,太多的侍从渴求小费,太多的语言叽里呱啦,太多,太多的阳光,太多的威尼斯气息,太多的草莓充斥着船舱,太多的丝绸围巾,太多的西瓜切得好像生牛肉片摆在水果摊上:太多的娱乐,无穷无尽的消遣! Connie and Hilda went around in their sunny frocks. There were dozens of people they knew, dozens of people knew them. Michaelis turned up like a bad penny. "Hullo! Where you staying? Come and have an ice-cream or something! Come with me somewhere in my gondola.” Even Michaelis almost sun-burned: though sun-cooked is more appropriate to the look of the mass of human flesh. 康妮和希尔达穿着轻薄的连衣裙,四处游逛。她们认识的人不少,认识她们的人也挺多。米凯利斯像个讨厌鬼似的出现了。“嘿!你们在哪儿落脚?来吃点冰激凌或者别的怎样?乘我的凤尾船出去哪里玩吧。”就连白皙的米凯利斯都快被晒黑了,但鉴于着上如此肤色的人为数众多,似乎说是被太阳烤熟了更为贴切。 It was pleasant in a way. It was ALMOST enjoyment. But anyhow, with all the cocktails, all the lying in warmish water and sunbathing on hot sand in hot sun, jazzing with your stomach up against some fellow in the warm nights, cooling off with ices, it was a complete narcotic. And that was what they all wanted, a drug: the slow water, a drug; the sun, a drug; jazz, a drug; cigarettes, cocktails, ices, vermouth. To be drugged! Enjoyment! Enjoyment! 相对而言,这样的生活确实算得上舒适。几乎可以说是享受。但无论如何,痛饮美酒,尽情畅泳,沐浴阳光,纵情歌舞,饱尝冷饮,一切都是完美的麻醉剂。男男女女们渴望的都是麻醉自己的精神,海水,阳光,爵士舞,香烟,鸡尾酒,冷饮,苦艾酒,林林总总,效果相同。麻醉自我!纵情享乐!尽情欢愉! Hilda half liked being drugged. She liked looking at all the women, speculating about them. The women were absorbingly interested in the women. How does she look! What man has she captured? What fun is she getting out of it?— The men were like great dogs in white flannel trousers, waiting to be patted, waiting to wallow, waiting to plaster some woman's stomach against their own, in jazz. 希尔达对麻醉半推半就。她热衷于审视所有的女子,揣度着她们。女人总是对女人充满好奇。她长得怎样?她搭上怎样的情郎?她如何取乐?——男人们身着法兰绒长裤,好像渴望被爱抚的大狗,渴望就地打滚,渴望跟女人肚皮贴肚皮,大跳爵士舞。 Hilda liked jazz, because she could plaster her stomach against the stomach of some so-called man, and let him control her movement from the visceral centre, here and there across the floor, and then she could break loose and ignore 'the creature'. He had been merely made use of. Poor Connie was rather unhappy. She wouldn't jazz, because she simply couldn't plaster her stomach against some 'creature's' stomach. She hated the conglomerate mass of nearly nude flesh on the Lido: there was hardly enough water to wet them all. She disliked Sir Alexander and Lady Cooper. She did not want Michaelis or anybody else trailing her. 希尔达热爱爵士舞,因为她乐得跟那些色厉内荏的男人们纠缠,在舞池内紧紧相拥,任他掌控着脚步的移动,四处打转,数曲跳罢,她便可以将那些可怜的家伙丢到一旁。他不过是被利用的对象。可怜的康妮却郁闷不已。她不愿跟臭男人们紧紧相拥,拒绝步入爵士舞场。她更讨厌利多海滩上无穷无尽的半裸肉体,就算深不见底的海水也无法将他们浸湿。她讨厌亚历山大爵士夫妇。她更不愿搭理米凯利斯和其他狂蜂浪蝶。 The happiest times were when she got Hilda to go with her away across the lagoon, far across to some lonely shingle-bank, where they could bathe quite alone, the gondola remaining on the inner side of the reef. 最愉快的时光,莫过于她说服希尔达,横渡泻湖,来到人迹罕至的砂石海滩。在那儿,她俩可以不受任何人打扰,自在地享受海水浴,而将凤尾船停泊在礁石后面。 Then Giovanni got another gondolier to help him, because it was a long way and he sweated terrifically in the sun. Giovanni was very nice: affectionate, as the Italians are, and quite passionless. The Italians are not passionate: passion has deep reserves. They are easily moved, and often affectionate, but they rarely have any abiding passion of any sort. 乔瓦尼找来另一名船夫帮忙,航程过长,炽热的阳光总让他挥汗如雨。乔瓦尼人很随和,总是深情款款,跟其他意大利人一样,但追求的只是短暂的激情。意大利人并非感性的民族,因为情感需要日积月累的沉淀。他们容易动情,总是含情脉脉,但他们的感情总是来去匆匆。 So Giovanni was already devoted to his ladies, as he had been devoted to cargoes of ladies in the past. He was perfectly ready to prostitute himself to them, if they wanted hint: he secretly hoped they would want him. They would give him a handsome present, and it would come in very handy, as he was just going to be married. He told them about his marriage, and they were suitably interested. 因此,乔瓦尼早已对两位夫人心有所属,正如他过去曾经恋上过无数太太小姐一样。只要她俩有所暗示,他随时做好献身的准备,这家伙早已暗自希冀着姐妹俩能提出此类要求。这样一来,他就能得到可观的馈赠,这可能派上大用场,因为他正打算结婚。他跟她俩谈及自己的婚事,康妮姐妹倒也颇感兴趣。 He thought this trip to some lonely bank across the lagoon probably meant business: business being l'amore, love. So he got a mate to help him, for it was a long way; and after all, they were two ladies. Two ladies, two mackerels! Good arithmetic! Beautiful ladies, too! He was justly proud of them. And though it was the Signora who paid him and gave him orders, he rather hoped it would be the young milady who would select hint for L'AMORE. She would give more money too. 他认为横渡泻湖、远赴无人的海岸,就意味着那种事,性爱之事。他这才想起找个同伴,路途遥远固然是原因,而且毕竟有两位贵妇。两位贵妇,两只肥羊!多么高明的计算!再说又是两位漂亮的贵妇!他不禁暗暗得意起来。虽然付钱和下达命令的都是那位年长些的夫人,但他还是希望那位年轻些的能够选中自己。她给的报酬肯定更加优厚。 The mate he brought was called Daniele. He was not a regular gondolier, so he had none of the cadger and prostitute about him. He was a sandola man, a sandola being a big boat that brings in fruit and produce from the islands. 他找来的同伴名叫丹尼尔。他只是偶尔充当凤尾船船夫,因此身上找不到乞丐或者娼妓的卑贱气息。他本是名水手,跟着大船从附近的岛屿将水果和其他特产运到威尼斯。 Daniele was beautiful, tall and well-shapen, with a light round head of little, close, pale-blond curls, and a good-looking man's face, a little like a lion, and long-distance blue eyes. He was not effusive, loquacious, and bibulous like Giovanni. He was silent and he rowed with a strength and ease as if he were alone on the water. The ladies were ladies, remote from him. He did not even look at them. He looked ahead. 丹尼尔仪表堂堂,身材高挑,体型匀称,圆整的头上生着淡金色的细密卷发,英俊的脸庞如雄狮般威武,两只蓝色眸子煞是开阔。乔瓦尼放荡不羁,油腔滑调,好酒贪杯,但丹尼尔却并非如此。他少言寡语,敏捷有力地操纵着船桨,旁若无人。贵妇就是贵妇,跟他毫无干系。他甚至都不正眼瞧她们。只是目视前方。 He was a real man, a little angry when Giovanni drank too much wine and rowed awkwardly, with effusive shoves of the great oar. He was a man as Mellors was a man, unprostituted. Connie pitied the wife of the easily-overflowing Giovanni. But Daniele's wife would be one of those sweet Venetian women of the people whom one still sees, modest and flower-like in the back of that labyrinth of a town. 他是个真正的男子汉,乔瓦尼如果多喝几杯,划起船来迤逦歪斜,他就会气不打一处来,奋力拨动着大桨。他和梅勒斯一样,都是地道的男子汉,绝不会出卖自己的身体和尊严。康妮心想,谁要是嫁给乔瓦尼这个风流种子,那可真怪可怜的。可丹尼尔的未婚妻准是个威尼斯甜心,这类女子如今仍能见到,她们幽居在这座迷宫般的水城里,优雅羞怯得好像含苞的花朵。 Ah, how sad that man first prostitutes woman, then woman prostitutes man. Giovanni was pining to prostitute himself, dribbling like a dog, wanting to give himself to a woman. And for money! 唉,男人先让女人失身为娼,女人再让男人沦落风尘。乔瓦尼一心想着出卖自己的肉体,像只野狗口角流涎,渴望献身给女人。自然是为了金钱! Connie looked at Venice far off, low and rose-coloured upon the water. Built of money, blossomed of money, and dead with money. The money-deadness! Money, money, money, prostitution and deadness. 康妮眺望着威尼斯,这座玫瑰色的城市低低地栖于水上。因金钱而生,因金钱而荣,最终因金钱而亡。那致命的金钱!金钱,金钱,金钱,出卖灵魂,堕入地狱。 Yet Daniele was still a man capable of a man's free allegiance. He did not wear the gondolier's blouse: only the knitted blue jersey. He was a little wild, uncouth and proud. So he was hireling to the rather doggy Giovanni who was hireling again to two women. So it is! When Jesus refused the devil's money, he left the devil like a Jewish banker, master of the whole situation. 但丹尼尔却是个本分的男人,拥有男人的坦率和忠诚。他没穿凤尾船船夫的大褂,只是穿着蓝色的毛衫。他颇为鲁莽粗陋,但却高傲。他受雇于卑躬屈膝的乔瓦尼,而乔瓦尼则受雇于康妮姐妹。世事便是如此!耶稣拒绝接受恶魔的金钱,但却听任它化身为犹太银行家,掌控着全局。 Connie would come home from the blazing light of the lagoon in a kind of stupor, to find letters from home. Clifford wrote regularly. He wrote very good letters: they might all have been printed in a book. And for this reason Connie found them not very interesting. 告别那令人目眩恍惚的湖光,返回别墅,康妮便会发现有家信在等她拆读。克利福德时常来信。即使是写信,他同样笔翰如流,区区家信也具备发表的水准。可正因为此,康妮觉得读他的信实在乏味。 She lived in the stupor of the light of the lagoon, the lapping saltiness of the water, the space, the emptiness, the nothingness: but health, health, complete stupor of health. It was gratifying, and she was lulled away in it, not caring for anything. Besides, she was pregnant. She knew now. So the stupor of sunlight and lagoon salt and sea-bathing and lying on shingle and finding shells and drifting away, away in a gondola, was completed by the pregnancy inside her, another fullness of health, satisfying and stupefying. 她沉迷在醉人的湖光里,沉浸在起伏的海水中,沉醉在虚无缥缈的异国,但却身心健康,精力充沛,仿佛全无知觉。生活如此舒适,她完全陶醉其中,将一切都抛诸脑后。而且,她如愿怀上宝宝。她已经察觉到这一事实。因此,晒晒太阳,赏赏湖光,洗洗海澡,躺躺沙滩,捡捡贝壳,乘船出海,一切都因为身怀六甲而变得完美,身心达到前所未有的绝佳状态,令她心满意足,如醉如痴。 She had been at Venice a fortnight, and she was to stay another ten days or a fortnight. The sunshine blazed over any count of time, and the fullness of physical health made forgetfulness complete. She was in a sort of stupor of well-being. 来威尼斯已有两周时间,按计划,她还能再逗留十天半月。耀目的阳光让她忘记了时光的流逝,而肉体的健康则使这种遗忘更加彻底。她陶醉于这种闲适康乐的状态里。 From which a letter of Clifford roused her. 直到克利福德的来信将她唤醒。 We too have had our mild local excitement. It appears the truant wife of Mellors, the keeper, turned up at the cottage and found herself unwelcome. He packed her off, and locked the door. Report has it, however, that when he returned from the wood he found the no longer fair lady firmly established in his bed, in puris naturalibus; or one should say, in impuris naturalibus. She had broken a window and got in that way. Unable to evict the somewhat man-handled Venus from his couch, he beat a retreat and retired, it is said, to his mother's house in Tevershall. Meanwhile the Venus of Stacks Gate is established in the cottage, which she claims is her home, and Apollo, apparently, is domiciled in Tevershall. 我们这里也有件本地小小的趣事。守林人梅勒斯的妻子,离家多日后再度现身农舍,结果发现自己不受欢迎。他把她撵出家去,还将大门紧锁。可据说,他从树林回到家中时,发现那个容颜不再的悍妇正稳稳盘踞在他的床上,身无片缕,或者应该说脱个精光。她趁他不在,砸碎玻璃,进到屋里。由于无法将这位饱经蹂躏的维纳斯从床上赶走,他只得偃旗息鼓,退避三舍,坊间传闻,他逃回特弗沙尔,住进母亲家里。与此同时,斯塔克斯门的维纳斯将农舍据为己有,声称那是她的地盘,而可怜的阿波罗,显然只好在特弗沙尔暂时落脚。 I repeat this from hearsay, as Mellors has not come to me personally. I had this particular bit of local garbage from our garbage bird, our ibis, our scavenging turkey-buzzard, Mrs. Bolton. I would not have repeated it had she not exclaimed: her Ladyship will go no more to the wood if that woman's going to be about! 上述故事均是道听途说,因为梅勒斯本人并未来找过我。这则无聊的传闻是从我们的垃圾鸟,我们的美洲鹳,我们吃腐肉的秃鹫,博尔顿太太那里听来的。我转述此事,全因为她说过:要是那女人赖着不走,夫人可就没法再去林中散步了! I like your picture of Sir Malcolm striding into the sea with white hair blowing and pink flesh glowing. I envy you that sun. Here it rains. But I don't envy Sir Malcolm his inveterate mortal carnality. However, it suits his age. Apparently one grows more carnal and more mortal as one grows older. Only youth has a taste of immortality— This news affected Connie in her state of semi-stupefied ell being with vexation amounting to exasperation. Now she ad got to be bothered by that beast of a woman! Now she must start and fret! She had no letter from Mellors. They had agreed not to write at all, but now she wanted to hear from him personally. After all, he was the father of the child that was coming. Let him write! 我很喜欢你栩栩如生的作品,画里的马尔科姆爵士正阔步走进大海,白发迎风飘摆,肌肤泛着红光。真羡慕你那里的太阳。拉格比阴雨连绵。可我并不羡慕他对肉欲无休无止的追求。不过,这种行为倒也符合他的年纪。年龄越大,越是贪图肉欲。只有青春才知不朽为何物——这消息彻底将康妮从半昏迷似的幸福状态中唤醒,心情渐渐从苦恼升格为愤怒。如今,那个泼妇还是跳了出来,扰乱她的清静!从现在开始,有她烦的了!她没收到梅勒斯的信。他俩约好互不通信,但眼下,她渴望能从他那儿了解到真实的情况。他毕竟是腹中婴孩的父亲。快让他写信吧! But how hateful! Now everything was messed up. How foul those low people were! How nice it was here, in the sunshine and the indolence, compared to that dismal mess of that English Midlands! After all, a clear sky was almost the most important thing in life. 真是可恶!现在所有事都乱成一团。平民百姓的行径果然恶劣!跟英国中部那团解不开的令人沮丧的乱麻相比,这儿和煦的阳光,慵懒的生活实在惬意极了!无论怎样,晴朗的天空几乎是生活中最紧要的东西。 She did not mention the fact of her pregnancy, even to Hilda. She wrote to Mrs. Bolton for exact information. 她没向任何人透露过自己怀孕的事,甚至连希尔达都不知情。她写信给博尔顿太太,打听详细情况。 Duncan Forbes, an artist friend of theirs, had arrived at the Villa Esmeralda, coming north from Rome. Now he made a third in the gondola, and he bathed with them across the lagoon, and was their escort: a quiet, almost taciturn young man, very advanced in his art. 姐妹俩的朋友,画家邓肯·福布斯从罗马北上,来到威尼斯,住进埃斯梅拉达别墅。现在,他成为凤尾船的第三位乘客,跟姐妹俩一起到泻湖彼岸畅泳,充当起护花使者的角色。他安静寡言,在艺术上却很有造诣。 She had a letter from Mrs. Bolton: You will be pleased, I am sure, my Lady, when you see Sir Clifford. He's looking quite blooming and working very hard, and very hopeful. Of course he is looking forward to seeing you among us again. It is a dull house without my Lady, and we shall all welcome her presence among us once more. 她接到博尔顿太太的来信:夫人,要是您能见到克利福德爵士,我保证您准会开心不已。他看上去精力旺盛,刻苦工作,对未来充满希望。当然,他期盼着您能回到我们身边。夫人没在,家里变得异常沉闷,大家都盼望着您能早日归来。 About Mr. Mellors, I don't know how much Sir Clifford told you. It seems his wife came back all of a sudden one afternoon, and he found her sitting on the doorstep when he came in from the wood. She said she was come back to him and wanted to live with him again, as she was his legal wife, and he wasn't going to divorce her. But he wouldn't have anything to do with her, and wouldn't let her in the house, and did not go in himself; he went back into the wood without ever opening the door. 关于梅勒斯先生的事,我不清楚克利福德爵士跟您透露过多少。情况似乎是这样,某天下午,他的妻子突然出现,他从树林回到家时,发现她坐在门阶上。她说她回来找他的目的,是想跟他重归于好,因为她是他的合法妻子,不能随随便便就离婚。但他根本不想跟她有任何瓜葛,连门都不让她进,自己也赌气没回家。锁都没开,就回树林去了。 But when he came back after dark, he found the house broken into, so he went upstairs to see what she'd done, and he found her in bed without a rag on her. He offered her money, but she said she was his wife and he must take her back. I don't know what sort of a scene they had. His mother told me about it, she's terribly upset. Well, he told her he'd die rather than ever live with her again, so he took his things and went straight to his mother's on Tevershall hill. He stopped the night and went to the wood next day through the park, never going near the cottage. It seems he never saw his wife that day. But the day after she was at her brother Dan's at Beggarlee, swearing and carrying on, saying she was his legal wife, and that he'd been having women at the cottage, because she'd found a scent-bottle in his drawer, and gold-tipped cigarette-ends on the ash-heap, and I don't know what all. Then it seems the postman Fred Kirk says he heard somebody talking in Mr. Mellors' bedroom early one morning, and a motor-car had been in the lane. 但他晚上再次回来时,发现有人破窗而入,于是,他上楼去看她究竟干了什么勾当,却发现她正一丝不挂地躺在床上。他想用钱把她打发走,但她却说,他是她的丈夫,必须接受她回到家来。我不知道当时他俩究竟吵成啥样。这些事都是我从他母亲那里听来的,她感到很不安。总而言之,他已经跟她挑明,就算死也不愿再跟她过,收拾东西径直搬到特弗沙尔他母亲那里。他在母亲家过夜,第二天直接经过花园去了树林,没再靠近农舍。似乎那天他并没有见到他的妻子。但第三天,她跑去贝加里,上门找她哥哥丹,撒泼打滚,赌咒发愿,说她是他合法的妻子,可他却背地里跟别的女人偷欢。因为她在抽屉里找到个香水瓶,还在炉灰上发现了金嘴的烟头,还有些什么我不太清楚。后来,邮差弗雷德·柯克也说,有天清早,他听到梅勒斯先生卧室里有女人的声音,小路上还停着辆汽车。 Mr. Mellors stayed on with his mother, and went to the wood through the park, and it seems she stayed on at the cottage. Well, there was no end of talk. So at last Mr. Mellors and Tom Phillips went to the cottage and fetched away most of the furniture and bedding, and unscrewed the handle of the pump, so she was forced to go. But instead of going back to Stacks Gate she went and lodged with that Mrs. Swain at Beggarlee, because her brother Dan's wife wouldn't have her. And she kept going to old Mrs. Mellors' house, to catch him, and she began swearing he'd got in bed with her in the cottage and she went to a lawyer to make him pay her an allowance. She's grown heavy, and more common than ever, and as strong as a bull. And she goes about saying the most awful things about him, how he has women at the cottage, and how he behaved to her when they were married, the low, beastly things he did to her, and I don't know what all. I'm sure it's awful, the mischief a woman can do, once she starts talking. And no matter how low she may be, there'll be some as will believe her, and some of the dirt will stick. I'm sure the way she makes out that Mr. Mellors was one of those low, beastly men with women, is simply shocking. And people are only too ready to believe things against anybody, especially things like that. She declared she'll never leave him alone while he lives. Though what I say is, if he was so beastly to her, why is she so anxious to go back to him? But of course she's coming near her change of life, for she's years older than he is. And these common, violent women always go partly insane whets the change of life comes upon them— This was a nasty blow to Connie. Here she was, sure as life, coming in for her share of the lowness and dirt. She felt angry with him for not having got clear of a Bertha Coutts: nay, for ever having married her. Perhaps he had a certain hankering after lowness. Connie remembered the last night she had spent with him, and shivered. He had known all that sensuality, even with a Bertha Coutts! It was really rather disgusting. It would be well to be rid of him, clear of him altogether. He was perhaps really common, really low. 梅勒斯先生住在他母亲那里,每天穿过花园去树林巡视,而她却将农舍占据。并且四处传播谣言。最终,梅勒斯先生和汤姆·菲利普斯去了趟农舍,几乎将所有家具和被褥取走,连抽水机的手柄都拧了下来,她也只好滚蛋了。但她却没回斯塔克斯门,而是住进贝加里的斯万太太家,因为她嫂子同样不愿接纳她。她三天两头往梅勒斯母亲家跑,缠着他不放,还发誓说他在农舍里跟她上过床。她还请了位律师,要求他支付赡养费。她比以前更膘肥体壮,更下贱无耻,身体结实得像头牛。她四处散播他的坏话,他怎样跟别的女人过夜,婚后他怎样虐待她,以及他对她做过的种种兽行,具体的情形我也不太清楚。我觉得这简直太糟糕了,女人要是发起飙来,什么样的瞎话她也敢说。可无论她如何低贱,总会有人相信她的话,总会有人将这些丑事传扬出去。依我看,她将梅勒斯先生说成虐待女人的无耻禽兽,实在有些耸人听闻。但人们就是愿意相信别人的坏话,尤其是这类事情。她宣称,只要他活着,就不会让他有好日子过。可让我纳闷的是,如果他当真虐待过她,那她干嘛还要忙不迭地回到他身边呢?可其实,她已经临近更年期,因为她比他大好几岁。这些粗俗恶劣的泼妇,更年期来到的时候,总会变得疯疯癫癫——对于康妮来说,这封信无异于当头一棒。虽然身在异国,但毫无疑问,她也要被卷进这些流言蜚语之中。她很生气,气他连个贝莎·库茨都奈何不得,别价,应该是气他当时不该娶她。或许他真的对下流无耻的东西有所偏好。康妮记起两人共度的最后一晚,不禁心有余悸。他了解那些肉欲的东西,甚至和贝莎·库茨一起体验过!这实在让人恶心。最好能够摆脱他,跟他一刀两断。他或许当真粗俗不堪,下贱无耻。 She had a revulsion against the whole affair, and almost envied the Guthrie girls their gawky inexperience and crude maidenliness. And she now dreaded the thought that anybody would know about herself and the keeper. How unspeakably humiliating! She was weary, afraid, and felt a craving for utter respectability, even for the vulgar and deadening respectability of the Guthrie girls. If Clifford knew about her affair, how unspeakably humiliating! She was afraid, terrified of society and its unclean bite. She almost wished she could get rid of the child again, and be quite clear. In short, she fell into a state of funk. 她对与他的关系充满厌恶,甚至几乎要羡慕起格思里家不谙世事、未经雕琢的姑娘来了。她担心不已,生怕别人知道她跟守林人的事情。那样的羞耻实在无法言喻!她心生厌倦,满腔恐惧,对体面的生活充满渴望,即便像格思里家姑娘那样庸俗不堪,死气沉沉。如果克利福德知道她的私情,她简直能找个地缝钻进去。她对社会充满畏惧,生怕会被冠以淫妇的头衔。她甚至希望能把胎儿打掉,恢复自己的清白之身。总而言之,她陷入了极度恐慌的境地。 As for the scent-bottle, that was her own folly. She had not been able to refrain from perfuming his one or two handkerchiefs and his shirts in the drawer, just out of childishness, and she had left a little bottle of Coty's Wood-violet perfume, half empty, among his things. She wanted him to remember her in the perfume. As for the cigarette-ends, they were Hilda's. 说到香水瓶,那完全是她自己犯傻。她一时冲动,幼稚地往他抽屉里的几条手帕和衬衫上喷了香水,还把一小瓶半空的柯蒂斯·伍德牌紫罗兰香水塞进他的东西里。她希望他能睹物思人。至于烟蒂,则是希尔达留下的。 She could not help confiding a little in Duncan Forbes. She didn't say she had been the keeper's lover, she only said she liked him, and told Forbes the history of the man. 她忍不住向邓肯倾诉起来。她没说自己就是守林人的情妇,只是说很喜欢他,并向福布斯透露了他过往的经历。 "Oh," said Forbes, "you'll see, they'll never rest till they've pulled the man down and done him in. If he has refused to creep up into the middle classes, when he had a chance; and if he's a man who stands up for his own sex, then they'll do him in. It's the one thing they won't let you be, straight and open in your sex. You can be as dirty as you like. In fact the more dirt you do on sex the better they like it. But if you believe in your own sex, and won't have it done dirt to: they'll down you. It's the one insane taboo left: sex as a natural and vital thing. They won't have it, and they'll kill you before they'll let you have it. You'll see, they'll hound that man down. And what's he done, after all? If he's made love to his wife all ends on, hasn't he a right to? She ought to be proud of it. But you see, even a low bitch like that turns on him, and uses the hyena instinct of the mob against sex, to pull him down. You have a snivel and feel sinful or awful about your sex, before you're allowed to have any. Oh, they'll hound the poor devil down.” Connie had a revulsion in the opposite direction now. What had he done, after all? What had he done to herself, Connie, but give her an exquisite pleasure and a sense of freedom and life? He had released her warm, natural sexual flow. And for that they would hound him down. “哦,”福布斯说,“你就瞧着吧,人们不把他搞垮,不把他打倒,绝不会善罢甘休。既然他不愿借机爬进中产阶级,既然他矢志维护自己的性爱,那人们就会将他整倒。他们无法容忍的事情,是对性爱的开诚布公,不加掩饰。你想怎么肮脏下流,尽可随心所欲。事实上,他们乐得看你在性爱方面无耻淫荡。但若是你坚信自己的性爱,不愿龌龊地对待此事,他们便要将你打垮。性爱是硕果仅存的疯狂禁忌,是人类与生俱来的关键本能。他们无法得到,也绝不会容许你拥有,否则就要将你击垮。你等着看吧,他们会对那家伙穷追猛打的。可他到底做了什么呢?要是他只跟自己老婆做爱,那就万事皆休,这原本就是他的权力不是吗?她还会为自己的魅力感到骄傲呢。可你瞧瞧,甚至连那只下贱的母狗都掉过头来攻击他,发挥自己凶暴的本性,来反对性爱,来将他整垮。在品尝性爱之前,你必须先嗅嗅清楚,如果能够感到罪恶,觉得难堪,才能得到许可。噢,人们非要把那个可怜鬼弄死不行。”现在,康妮的情感再度向相反的方向发生突变。他到底做了什么呢?他对她本人,对康妮到底做了什么?只不过让她体验到淋漓尽致的快感,感受到自由和生活的美好。她那温暖自然的性欲洪流,因他完全得以释放。为此,他们恨不得将他生吞活嚼。 No no, it should not be. She saw the image of him, naked white with tanned face and hands, looking down and addressing his erect penis as if it were another being, the odd grin flickering on his face. And she heard his voice again: Tha's got the nicest woman's arse of anybody! And she felt his hand warmly and softly closing over her tail again, over her secret places, like a benediction. And the warmth ran through her womb, and the little flames flickered in her knees, and she said: Oh, no! I mustn't go back on it! I must not go back on him. I must stick to him and to what I had of him, through everything. I had no warm, flamy life till he gave it me. And I won't go back on it. 不行,不行,不能那样做。眼前浮现出他的身影,白皙的裸体,古铜色脸庞和双手,低头对着自己挺立的阴茎倾诉,脸上闪耀着怪异的笑容,好像它也拥有生命。耳边再次响起他的那句赞美:恁拥有世间女子最美的屁股!她感觉到他温热的双手轻柔地覆盖着她的臀丘,遮蔽住她隐秘的所在,仿佛要献上祝福。股股暖流从她的子宫淌过,小小爱火在她的膝间燃烧,她说:噢,不!我绝不能违背承诺!我绝不能背弃他!我要跟他生死与共,永不分离,哪怕海枯石烂。直到遇见他,我才真正拥有了温暖炽热的生活。我要坚守信诺。 She did a rash thing. She sent a letter to Ivy Bolton, enclosing a note to the keeper, and asking Mrs. Bolton to give it him. And she wrote to him: I am very much distressed to hear of all the trouble your wife is making for you, but don't mind it, it is only a sort of hysteria. It will all blow over as suddenly as it came. But I'm awfully sorry about it, and I do hope you are not minding very much. After all, it isn't worth it. She is only a hysterical woman who wants to hurt you. I shall be home in ten days' time, and I do hope everything will be all right. A few days later came a letter from Clifford. He was evidently upset. 她做了件鲁莽的事。她写信给艾维·博尔顿,里面附着给守林人的短笺,拜托博尔顿太太转交。她写给他的信内容如下:听说你妻子给你造成的种种麻烦,我深感苦恼,但千万不要介意,这不过是种歇斯底里的表现。这将来也匆匆,去也匆匆。但我对此深感遗憾,衷心希望你不要太过挂怀。毕竟,这种事不值得如此耿耿于怀。她不过是个疯婆子,一心只想伤害你。我10天后就会回去,希望届时一切都已云开雾散。几天后,她受到克利福德的来信。他显然心有忐忑。 I am delighted to hear you are prepared to leave Venice on the sixteenth. But if you are enjoying it, don't hurry home. We miss you, Wragby misses you. But it is essential that you should get your full amount of sunshine, sunshine and pyjamas, as the advertisements of the Lido say. So please do stay on a little longer, if it is cheering you up and preparing you for our sufficiently awful winter. Even today, it rains. 听说你准备16日从威尼斯动身,我深感高兴。可若你的确享受着旅行的乐趣,倒也不必急着回家。我们想念你,拉格比想念你。但更为重要的还是你能够畅享和煦的阳光,正如利多岛旅游广告所标榜的,阳光与泳衣。因此,如果度假确实令你感到愉快,能赋予你更加健康的身体,来应对这里严酷的寒冬,那不妨再多作逗留。即使是今天,拉格比依然在下雨。 I am assiduously, admirably looked after by Mrs. Bolton. She is a queer specimen. The more I live, the more I realize what strange creatures human beings are. Some of them might Just as well have a hundred legs, like a centipede, or six, like a lobster. The human consistency and dignity one has been led to expect from one's fellow-men seem actually nonexistent. One doubts if they exist to any startling degree even is oneself. 博尔顿太太任劳任怨,无微不至地照顾着我。她是个奇怪的生物。随着岁月的流逝,我越来越感觉人类是如此奇异的生物。有些人或许真能像蜈蚣那样,拥有百只足,或者像龙虾那样,生有六条腿。人类希望彼此身上体现出诚信和尊严,但其实那并不存在。就连我们,也不禁要怀疑,自己的这些品质是否还明显地存在着。 The scandal of the keeper continues and gets bigger like a snowball. Mrs. Bolton keeps me informed. She reminds me of a fish which, though dumb, seems to be breathing silent gossip through its gills, while ever it lives. All goes through the sieve of her gills, and nothing surprises her. It is as if the events of other people's lives were the necessary oxygen of her own. 守林人的丑事愈演愈烈,好像雪球般越滚越大。从博尔顿太太那里,我随时能够得知最新的消息。她让我联想起鱼类,虽然不会说话,但只要活着,就能在呼吸时,通过两腮传播无声的流言。流言蜚语都经过她两腮的过滤,没什么新闻能令她感到讶异。似乎别人的家长里短,就是她生存必须的氧气。 She is preoccupied with tie Mellors scandal, and if I will let her begin, she takes me down to the depths. Her great indignation, which even then is like the indignation of an actress playing a role, is against the wife of Mellors, whom she persists in calling Bertha Courts. I have been to the depths of the muddy lies of the Bertha Couttses of this world, and when, released from the current of gossip, I slowly rise to the surface again, I look at the daylight its wonder that it ever should be. 她对梅勒斯的丑闻极为关注,只要打开话匣子,她便会让我了解到事情的全貌。她表现出的强烈愤慨,矛头直指梅勒斯的妻子,也就是她自始至终称之为贝莎·库茨的女人,那愤怒的情绪仿佛简直可以跟女演员的演绎媲美。通过她的描述,让我身临其境,深切地了解到贝莎·库茨那污秽不堪的生活。而当我从流言的洪流中解脱出来,慢慢浮出水面,我仰望灿烂的日光,不禁倍感惊异,原来我们的生活如此美好。 It seems to me absolutely true, that our world, which appears to us the surface of all things, is really the bottom of a deep ocean: all our trees are submarine growths, and we are weird, scaly-clad submarine fauna, feeding ourselves on offal like shrimps. Only occasionally the soul rises gasping through the fathomless fathoms under which we live, far up to the surface of the ether, where there is true air. I am convinced that the air we normally breathe is a kind of water, and men and women are a species of fish. 对我而言,呈现在眼前的世界似乎是深不可测的海底,所有的树木花草都是深海植物,而我们人类则是长相怪异、身披鳞甲的海洋生物,终日以小鱼小虾为食,这一切似乎都是千真万确的事实。我们都居住在无底的深渊之中,只有灵魂偶尔能够勉强上浮,浮到以太表面,呼吸到真正的空气。我确信,我们平时呼吸的空气其实是种水体,而世间男女不过是种鱼类。 But sometimes the soul does come up, shoots like a kittiwake into the light, with ecstasy, after having preyed on the submarine depths. It is our mortal destiny, I suppose, to prey upon the ghastly subaqueous life of our fellow-men, in the submarine jungle of mankind. But our immortal destiny is to escape, once we have swallowed our swimmy catch, up again into the bright ether, bursting out from the surface of Old Ocean into real light. Then one realizes one's eternal nature. 可灵魂完成深海捕食行动后,有时也会如同海鸥般忘我高飞,直奔光明的所在。我想,置身于人类的深海丛林,以掠杀形如鬼魅的同类为食,这或许就是我们的宿命。但我们永恒的命数却是逃离,一旦将海底的猎物吞噬,就会从古老的海洋冲出,再度回归光辉灿烂的以太,拥抱真正的光明。到那时,人类便会真正了解到自己永恒的天性。 When I hear Mrs. Bolton talk, I feel myself plunging down, down, to the depths where the fish of human secrets wriggle and swim. Carnal appetite makes one seize a beakful of prey: then up, up again, out of the dense into the ethereal, from the wet into the dry. To you I can tell the whole process. But with Mrs. Bolton I only feel the downward plunge, down, horribly, among the sea-weeds and the pallid monsters of the very bottom. 我听着博尔顿太太的讲述,感觉自己正不断下坠,下坠到海底,在那里,人类的私隐如同鱼类在翻滚游动。肉欲的驱使让人猛地啄食一口猎物,然后便上浮,再上浮,冲出潮湿的深海,回归干爽的以太。对你,我可以倾诉来龙去脉。而与博尔顿太太共处,我只感觉自己在下沉,沉到令人毛骨悚然的海底,与海藻及病态的怪兽为伍。 I am afraid we are going to lose our game-keeper. The scandal of the truant wife, instead of dying down, has reverberated to greater and greater dimensions. He is accused of all unspeakable things and curiously enough, the woman has managed to get the bulk of the colliers' wives behind her, gruesome fish, and the village is putrescent with talk. 恐怕我们不得不另找位守林人了。他那位去而复返的妻子始终没有消停,制造出的丑闻仍在不断地蔓延。种种莫可名状的罪恶都被扣在他头上,说来也怪,那女人居然能够煽动多数矿工家的婆娘为她摇旗呐喊,可怕的鱼群,整个村落充斥着流言蜚语。 I hear this Bertha Coutts besieges Mellors in his mother's house, having ransacked the cottage and the hut. She seized one day upon her own daughter, as that chip of the female block was returning from school; but the little one, instead of kissing the loving mother's hand, bit it firmly, and so received from the other hand a smack in the face which sent her reeling into the gutter: whence she was rescued by an indignant and harassed grandmother. 我听说贝莎·库茨先把农舍和林间小屋翻了个底朝天,又跑去梅勒斯母亲家纠缠不休。某天,适逢他们的女儿放学回家,那小家伙长得跟其母一般无二。库茨本打算将她拐走,可没想到,女儿非但没吻慈母的手,反倒结结实实地狠咬一口,结果,被她老妈赏了重重一记耳光,摇晃着跌进阴沟里。多亏其祖母即使赶来搭救,老太太见此情形,也是义愤填膺。 The woman has blown off an amazing quantity of poison-gas. She has aired in detail all those incidents of her conjugal life which are usually buried down in the deepest grave of matrimonial silence, between married couples. Having chosen to exhume them, after ten years of burial, she has a weird array. I hear these details from Linley and the doctor: the latter being amused. Of course there is really nothing in it. Humanity has always had a strange avidity for unusual sexual postures, and if a man likes to use his wife, as Benvenuto Cellini says, "in the Italian way", well that is a matter of taste. But I had hardly expected our game-keeper to be up to so many tricks. No doubt Bertha Coutts herself first put him up to them. In any case, it is a matter of their own personal squalor, and nothing to do with anybody else. 那女人散发出不可估量的毒气。她将床笫之事的种种细节都透漏出来,而这些原本应该被深埋在婚姻的静默之墓里,只有夫妻俩才清楚。而深埋十载之后,她却选择将它们全部挖出,不可思议地铺排开来。我从林利和医生那里听到事情的细节,而医生对此很感兴趣。当然,其实也没什么大不了的。人们本就喜好尝试林林总总的性交体位,如果某男人愿意如本韦努托·切利尼(注:1500-1571,意大利雕刻家)所说,跟妻子“来个意大利式”,那只不过是个人嗜好问题。但我的确没想到,咱们的守林人居然也能玩出那么多花招。毫无疑问,贝莎·库茨扮演着启蒙者的角色。无论如何,这只不过是他们恶俗的私事,跟其他人毫无干系。 However, everybody listens: as I do myself. A dozen years ago, common decency would have hushed the thing. But common decency no longer exists, and the colliers' wives are all up in arms and unabashed in voice. One would think every child in Tevershall, for the last fifty years, had been an immaculate conception, and every one of our nonconformist females was a shining Joan of Arc. That our estimable game-keeper should have about him a touch of Rabelais seems to make him more monstrous and shocking than a murderer like Crippen. Yet these people in Tevershall are a loose lot, if one is to believe all accounts. 尽管如此,几乎所有人都成为听众,连我也未能免俗。十几年前,公众的羞耻心便能让此类丑闻偃旗息鼓。可如今,这种道德意识已经荡然无存,矿工的婆娘们一个个撸胳膊挽袖子,厚着脸皮破口大骂。人们会以为过去50年间,降生于特弗沙尔的每个婴孩都是圣胎降世,每个不信奉国教的妇人都像圣女贞德那般光芒四射。我们可敬的守林人倒还真有些拉伯雷(注:1483-1553,法国作家)式的浪漫气质,可结果却似乎让他变得比杀妻犯克里平(注:1862-1910,美国医生,因谋杀其妻,在英国伦敦被绞死)更为凶残和令人发指。可是,如果特弗沙尔的村民们对这些描述都深信不疑,那么他们也都不过是群放荡之徒。 The trouble is, however, the execrable Bertha Coutts has not confined herself to her own experiences and sufferings. She has discovered, at the top of her voice, that her husband has been "keeping" women down at the cottage, and has made a few random shots at naming the women. This has brought a few decent names trailing through the mud, and the thing has gone quite considerably too far. An injunction has been taken out against the woman. 可麻烦的是,可恨的贝莎·库茨并不仅仅将自己的经历和遭遇公之于众。她大声疾呼,宣称自己发现丈夫在家里“养”野女人,甚至无所顾忌地指名道姓。这导致几位正派的女子被拖进泥沼,事情愈演愈烈,不可收拾。法庭不得不因此向她发出禁令。 I have had to interview Mellors about the business, as it was impossible to keep the woman away from the wood. He goes about as usual, with his Miller-of-the-Dee air, I care for nobody, no not I, if nobody care for me! Nevertheless, I shrewdly suspect he feels like a dog with a tin can tied to its tail: though he makes a very good show of pretending the tin can isn't there. But I heard that in the village the women call away their children if he is passing, as if he were the Marquis de Sade in person. He goes on with a certain impudence, but I am afraid the tin can is firmly tied to his tail, and that inwardly he repeats, like Don Rodrigo in the Spanish ballad: "Ah, now it bites me where I most have sinned!" 我不得不与梅勒斯面谈此事,因为想把那女人从树林赶走已是天方夜谭。他仍是那副“迪河上磨坊工(注:英国诗歌)”的态度,俺不在乎别人怎么说,不在乎,既然别人也不在乎俺怎么讲!不过,我还是敏锐地察觉到,他就像条尾巴上系着锡罐的狗,虽然他极力遮掩,装作锡罐并不存在。但我听说,只要他路过,村里的女人都会忙不迭地把孩子叫走,好像是萨德侯爵(注:1740-1814,法国贵族,政治家,色情文学作家)亲临。他干脆厚起脸皮,但恐怕那锡罐已经牢牢嵌进他的尾巴里,而在内心世界,他如同西班牙歌谣里的罗德里戈一般反复咏唱:“啊,我罪孽深重的地方,已经被狠狠咬住不放!” I asked him if he thought he would be able to attend to his duty in the wood, and he said he did not think he had neglected it. I told him it was a nuisance to have the woman trespassing: to which he replied that he had no power to arrest her. Then I hinted at the scandal and its unpleasant course. "Ay," he said. "Folks should do their own fuckin', then they wouldn't want to listen to a lot of clatfart about another man's.” He said it with some bitterness, and no doubt it contains the real germ of truth. The mode of putting it, however, is neither delicate nor respectful. I hinted as much, and then I heard the tin can rattle again. "It's not for a man the shape you're in, Sir Clifford, to twit me for havin' a cod atween my legs.” These things, said indiscriminately to all and sundry, of course do not help him at all, and the rector, and Finley, and Burroughs all think it would be as well if the man left the place. 我问他是否还能负起守林的责任,他却说自己并未有过疏忽。我告诉他,任凭那疯婆娘在林中肆虐实在可恶,他却回答说自己没有将她拘捕的权力。然后,我提及那些丑闻,以及不可收拾的局面。他却说:“是呀。人们只需操心自己的性生活,那样就不会对人家的闲言闲语那么热衷了。”他说这话的时候,语带挖苦,但毫无疑问,这的确是事实。但他说话时的语调既不优雅,也无尊重。我透露出自己的感受,却又听到那锡罐叮当作响。“像您这种情况的人,克利福德爵士,没权力讥笑俺两腿之间的那话儿。”这样的口无遮拦自然对他毫无益处,况且牧师、芬利还有伯勒斯都认为我该将他辞退。 I asked him if it was true that he entertained ladies down at the cottage, and all he said was: "Why, what's that to you, Sir Clifford?” I told him I intended to have decency observed on my estate, to which he replied: "Then you mun button the mouths o' a' th' women.”— When I pressed him about his manner of life at the cottage, he said: "surely you might ma'e a scandal out o' me an' my bitch Flossie. You've missed summat there.” As a matter of fact, for an example of impertinence he'd be hard to beat. 我问他在家里留宿女人是否为实,他却说:“呵,这跟您有什么关系,克利福德爵士?”我说不希望领地里出现有伤风化的丑事,他却说:“那您可要把那些恶婆娘的嘴巴都封上。”我再度追问留宿女人的事,他却回答:“您大可以编段我和母狗弗洛西乱搞的丑事。您可错过了好机会呢。”说实话,他可真是厚颜无耻的典型,无人能及。 I asked him if it would be easy for him to find another job. He said: "if you're hintin' that you'd like to shunt me out of this job, it'd be easy as wink.” So he made no trouble at all about leaving at the end of next week, and apparently is willing to initiate a young fellow, Joe Chambers, into as many mysteries of the craft as possible. I told him I would give him a month's wages extra, when he left. He said he'd rather I kept my money, as I'd no occasion to ease my conscience. I asked him what he meant, and he said: "you don't owe me nothing extra, Sir Clifford, so don't pay me nothing extra. If you think you see my shirt hanging out, just tell me.” Well, there is the end of it for the time being. The woman has gone away: we don't know where to: but she is liable to arrest if she shows her face in Tevershall. And I heard she is mortally afraid of gaol, because she merits it so well. Mellors will depart on Saturday week, and the place will soon become normal again. 我问他另找工作是否容易。他说:“要是您在暗示我卷铺盖走人,那再简单不过。”他毫未犹豫,答应下周末离开,似乎也毫不吝啬,愿意将自己的经验所得传授给年轻的乔·钱伯斯。我说会在他离职时,多付一个月的薪水。他却说宁愿我留着自己的钱,没必要借此换个心安理得。我问他此话怎讲,他说:“您没欠我任何东西,克利福德爵士,也没必要多付我钱。要是您还有什么不满,只管说出来。”好了,眼下这件事终于可以告一段落。那女人不见踪影,谁也不知道她去了哪里,只要她再在特弗沙尔露面,就会立即被关进班房。我听说她对坐牢怕得要命,可确实应该给她点教训。梅勒斯下周六就会走人,这里很快就将恢复原貌。 Meanwhile, my dear Connie, if you would enjoy to stay in Venice or in Switzerland till the beginning of August, I should be glad to think you were out of all this buzz of nastiness, which will have died quite away by the end of the month. 因此,我亲爱的康妮,如果你愿意在威尼斯或者瑞士呆到八月初,我会感到很高兴,因为那样的话,你就可以完全跟这些污言秽语绝缘,月底之前一切都会销声匿迹。 So you see, we are deep-sea monsters, and when the lobster walks on mud, he stirs it up for everybody. We must perforce take it philosophically. The irritation, and the lack of any sympathy in any direction, of Clifford's letter, had a bad effect on Connie. But she understood it better when she received the following from Mellors: The cat is out of the bag, along with various other pussies. You have heard that my wife Bertha came back to my unloving arms, and took up her abode in the cottage: where, to speak disrespectfully, she smelled a rat, in the shape of a little bottle of Coty. Other evidence she did not find, at least for some days, when she began to howl about the burnt photograph. She noticed the glass and the back-board in the square bedroom. Unfortunately, on the back-board somebody had scribbled little sketches, and the initials, several times repeated: C.S.R. This, however, afforded no clue until she broke into the hut, and found one of your books, an autobiography of the actress Judith, with your name, Constance Stewart Reid, on the front page. After this, for some days she went round loudly saying that my paramour was no less a person than Lady Chatterley herself. The news came at last to the rector, Mr. Burroughs, and to Sir Clifford. They then proceeded to take legal steps against my liege lady, who for her part disappeared, having always had a mortal fear of the police. 你瞧瞧,我们的确是深海的怪物,当龙虾从泥潭淌过,就会将水全部搞浑。我们必须冷静地接受这一点。克利福德的信里表现出十足的愤怒,并无半点同情,这让康妮感觉糟糕。但收到梅勒斯的来信时,她才更加透彻地了解到事情的真相。大猫从袋子里面跑出来,还带着形态各异的小猫。你应该已经听说,我妻子贝莎重新投入我冰冷的怀抱,将我家据为己有。在那儿,请原谅我的不敬,她在科蒂香水瓶里嗅到老鼠的气味。之后的几天里,她没能找到任何蛛丝马迹,就开始为我烧掉结婚照的事呼天抢地。她在卧室里找到玻璃框和后挡板。糟糕的是,有人在后挡板上涂抹了幅素描,落款留的首字母是C.S.R.,且留了数处。尽管如此,仅凭这些,她无法获取任何线索,直到她闯进林中小屋,找到你留下的一本书,女演员朱迪斯的自传,扉页上写有你的全名,康斯坦斯·斯图瓦特·里德。之后,她便四处宣扬,说我的情妇并非普通女子,而是查泰莱夫人。最终,这消息还是没逃过牧师,伯勒斯先生以及克利福德爵士的耳朵。接着,他们就对我忠诚的妻子提起控诉,那女人一向极为惧怕警察,见状不妙,立马溜之大吉。 Sir Clifford asked to see me, so I went to him. He talked around things and seemed annoyed with me. Then he asked if I knew that even her ladyship's name had been mentioned. I said I never listened to scandal, and was surprised to hear this bit from Sir Clifford himself. He said, of course it was a great insult, and I told him there was Queen Mary on a calendar in the scullery, no doubt because Her Majesty formed part of my harem. But he didn't appreciate the sarcasm. He as good as told me I was a disreputable character also walked about with my breeches' buttons undone, and I as good as told him he'd nothing to unbutton anyhow, so he gave me the sack, and I leave on Saturday week, and the place thereof shall know me no more. 克利福德爵士说要见我,我就去了拉格比。他反复盘问,似乎很生我的气。之后,他问我是否知道连从男爵夫人都被牵扯进来。我说我对什么丑闻毫不知情,从克利福德爵士口中得知此事深感惊讶。他说这对他而言是个莫大的侮辱,我跟他讲,我的洗涤间里挂着画有玛丽女王肖像的日历,那样说来,女王陛下岂不是也成了我的姘头。但他并不欣赏我的玩笑。他说我是个声名狼藉的家伙,总是开着裤裆四处招摇,我反唇相讥,说他即便开着裤裆,也没啥可看的。于是,他就炒了我的鱿鱼,下周六我就会离开,从此,这地方跟我再无瓜葛。 I shall go to London, and my old landlady, Mrs. Inger, 17 Coburg Square, will either give me a room or will find one for me. 我会去伦敦落脚,旧房东英格太太住在科堡广场17号,她应该会收留我,或者帮我找到住处。 Be sure your sins will find you out, especially if you're married and her name's Bertha— There was not a word about herself, or to her. Connie resented this. He might have said some few words of consolation or reassurance. But she knew he was leaving her free, free to go back to Wragby and to Clifford. She resented that too. He need not be so falsely chivalrous. She wished he had said to Clifford: "Yes, she is my lover and my mistress and I am proud of it!" But his courage wouldn't carry him so far. 要知道你们的罪必追上你们,尤其是在娶到像贝莎这样的妻子的情况下——信里没有一个字提到她,没有一句话对她倾诉。这让康妮深感不满。他本应该说些安慰或保证的话。但她明白,他这样做是为了给她选择的自由,选择重回拉格比,重返克利福德身边。而这样的意图同样令她不满。他何必装出这副伪善的气度。她巴不得他当面告诉克利福德:“没错,她是我的情人,我的爱人,而且我为此深感自豪!”可他的勇气显然还没达到如此高度。 So her name was coupled with his in Tevershall! It was a mess. But that would soon die down. 这么说,在特弗沙尔,他和她的私情已经成为茶余饭后的谈资!真是一团糟。可事情很快就会平息。 She was angry, with the complicated and confused anger that made her inert. She did not know what to do nor what to say, so she said and did nothing. She went on at Venice just the same, rowing out in the gondola with Duncan Forbes, bathing, letting the days slip by. Duncan, who had been rather depressingly in love with her ten years ago, was in love with her again. But she said to him: "I only want one thing of men, and that is, that they should leave me alone." So Duncan left her alone: really quite pleased to be able to. All the same, he offered her a soft stream of a queer, inverted sort of love. He wanted to be with her. 她异常愤怒,难以消解的愤怒让人心烦意乱,她因此变得毫无生气。她不知道该做些什么,说些什么,索性也就不说不做。她继续在威尼斯过着自在的日子,跟邓肯·福布斯乘凤尾船过湖畅泳,任凭时光从指缝中溜走。十年前,邓肯曾经追求过她,可惜受挫而回,如今对她旧情复炽。可她只是冷冷地说:“我只要求男人做一件事,那就是别来烦我。”于是,邓肯也听之任之,甚至很高兴能够达到她的要求。不过,他仍然表现出淡淡的奇妙爱意。他想要跟她长相厮守。 "Have you ever thought," he said to her one day, "how very little people are connected with one another. Look at Daniele! He is handsome as a son of the sun. But see how alone he looks in his handsomeness. Yet I bet he has a wife and family, and couldn't possibly go away from them.” "Ask him," said Connie. “你是否想过,”某天,他对她说,“人们相互之间的联结是多么地微不足道。看看丹尼尔!他英俊得好像太阳神的儿子。但他的英俊之中透出无比落寞的神情。我敢打赌,他准已结婚生子,而且绝不可能背弃自己的家庭。”“不妨问问他。”康妮建议。 Duncan did so. Daniele said he was married, and had two children, both male, aged seven and nine. But he betrayed no emotion over the fact. 邓肯果然照办。丹尼尔说他已有妻室,还生有两个儿子,大的九岁,小的七岁。可他说这些的时候面无表情。 "Perhaps only people who are capable of real togetherness have that look of being alone in the universe," said Connie. "The others have a certain stickiness, they stick to the mass, like Giovanni." "And," she thought to herself, "like you, Duncan." “或许只有真正能够融入世事的人,才可以表现出这种孤立于宇宙之间的超然态度。”康妮说。“除此之外,其他人都有某种黏性,跟芸芸众生黏连在一起,像乔瓦尼一样。”“而且,”她心里暗想,“你也毫不例外,邓肯。” 第十八章 She had to make up her mind what to do. She would leave Venice on the Saturday that he was leaving Wragby: in six days' time. This would bring her to London on the Monday following, and she would then see him. She wrote to him to the London address, asking him to send her a letter to Hartland's hotel, and to call for her on the Monday evening at seven. 她不可以再犹豫不决。六天后,她就要离开威尼斯,像离开拉格比的那天一样是周六。这样她将于下周一抵达伦敦,到时便可与他碰面。她写信到他伦敦的地址,让他将回信寄去哈特兰饭店,并在周一晚七点去那里找她。 Inside herself she was curiously and complicatedly angry, and all her responses were numb. She refused to confide even in Hilda, and Hilda, offended by her steady silence, had become rather intimate with a Dutch woman. Connie hated these rather stifling intimacies between women, intimacy into which Hilda always entered ponderously. 她的内心完全被愤怒所占据,那种感觉奇异而复杂,以至于反应能力全部陷入麻痹的状态。她甚至不愿向希尔达吐露实情,而做姐姐的也因为她的缄默感到不悦,便和一个荷兰女人热络起来。康妮感觉女人间的亲密令人窒息,但希尔达却总是深陷其中。 Sir Malcolm decided to travel with Connie, and Duncan could come on with Hilda. The old artist always did himself well: he took berths on the Orient Express, in spite of Connie's dislike of trains de luxe, the atmosphere of vulgar depravity there is aboard them nowadays. However, it would make the journey to Paris shorter. 马尔科姆爵士决定和康妮同行,而邓肯则陪伴希尔达。这位老艺术家向来养尊处优,他订了两张东方快车的卧铺票,虽说康妮讨厌乘坐豪华列车,讨厌如今火车上那种庸俗堕落的氛围。尽管如此,乘火车能够缩短到巴黎所需的时间。 Sir Malcolm was always uneasy going back to his wife. It was habit carried over from the first wife. But there would be a house-party for the grouse, and he wanted to be well ahead. Connie, sunburnt and handsome, sat in silence, forgetting all about the landscape. 每当马尔科姆爵士要回到妻子身边,总会心神不宁。这是从其亡妻开始便遗留下来的习惯。但家里要搞个松鸡宴会,他想早点赶回去做准备。着上古铜色的康妮显得别有几分韵味,只是静静地坐着,一声不吭,对沿途的景致全然不觉。 "A little dull for you, going back to Wragby," said her father, noticing her glumness. “要回到拉格比,你想必感觉有些烦闷。”父亲注意到她不悦的神情,关切地说。 "I'm not sure I shall go back to Wragby," she said, with startling abruptness, looking into his eyes with her big blue eyes. His big blue eyes took on the frightened look of a man whose social conscience is not quite clear. “我还没拿定主意,要不要回到拉格比。”康妮忽闪着蓝色的大眼睛望向父亲,如此唐突的坦言着实吓人一跳。父亲那双蓝色的阔目流露出惊异的神色,而他向来不是过分拘泥于社会伦理道德的人。 "You mean you'll stay on in Paris a while?” "No! I mean never go back to Wragby." He was bothered by his own little problems, and sincerely hoped he was getting none of hers to shoulder. “你是说,想在巴黎待一阵子?”“不!我的意思是,再也不回拉格比。”老爵士本就麻烦不断,实在不想女儿再给自己添乱。 "How's that, all at once?" he asked. “怎么会这样?如此突然?”他问。 "I'm going to have a child.” It was the first time she had uttered the words to any living soul, and it seemed to mark a cleavage in her life. “我怀孕了。”这是她头一次向别人透露这一秘密,这似乎也意味着其人生跨入新的阶段。 "How do you know?" said her father. “你怎么知道的?”父亲问。 She smiled. 她微笑着。 "How SHOULD I know?" "But not Clifford's child, of course?” "No! Another man's.” She rather enjoyed tormenting him. “我怎么会不知道?”“当然不会是克利福德的孩子?”“不是!不是他的骨肉。”惹得父亲心烦意乱,康妮倒感觉颇为有趣。 "Do I know the man?" asked Sir Malcolm. “我认识那个人吗?”马尔科姆爵士继续追问。 "No! You've never seen him.” There was a long pause. “不!你从未见过他。”两人沉默良久。 "And what are your plans?" "I don't know. That's the point.” "No patching it up with Clifford?" "I suppose Clifford would take it," said Connie. "He told me, after last time you talked to him, he wouldn't mind if I had a child, so long as I went about it discreetly.” "Only sensible thing he could say, under the circumstances. Then I suppose it'll be all right.” "In what way?" said Connie, looking into her father's eyes. They were big blue eyes rather like her own, but with a certain uneasiness in them, a look sometimes of an uneasy little boy, sometimes a look of sullen selfishness, usually good-humoured and wary. “你打算怎么办?”“我还没想好。这恰恰是问题的关键。”“没法跟克利福德商量解决此事吗?”“我想克利福德会接受这个孩子。”康妮说。“上次你跟他谈过以后,他对我说过,只要我行事谨慎,他不会介意我怀上别人的孩子。”“他这样说,倒也算明白事理。依我看,这就没什么问题了。”“此话怎讲?”康妮盯着父亲的眼睛问。父亲那双蓝色的明眸与康妮的颇为相近,但眼神却游移不定,有时像个局促不安的男孩,有时则显得闷闷不乐,自私促狭。好在这双眼睛通常透露出愉快与审慎。 "You can present Clifford with an heir to all the Chatterleys, and put another baronet in Wragby." Sir Malcolm's face smiled with a half-sensual smile. “你可以让克里福德后继有人,使查泰莱家香烟不绝,给拉格比添个小从男爵。”马尔科姆爵士的脸上浮现出笑容,显出几分性感。 "But I don't think I want to," she said. “可我不想那样。”她说。 "Why not? Feeling entangled with the other man? Well! If you want the truth from me, my child, it's this. The world goes on. Wragby stands and will go on standing. The world is more or less a fixed thing and, externally, we have to adapt ourselves to it. Privately, in my private opinion, we can please ourselves. Emotions change. You may like one man this year and another next. But Wragby still stands. Stick by Wragby as far as Wragby sticks by you. Then please yourself. But you'll get very little out of making a break. You can make a break if you wish. You have an independent income, the only thing that never lets you down. But you won't get much out of it. Put a little baronet in Wragby. It's an amusing thing to do.” And Sir Malcolm sat back and smiled again. Connie did not answer. “为什么?跟那男人难舍难离?好吧!孩子,你要是想听我明言,我就不妨打开天窗说亮话。世界日新月异。但拉格比现在将来都会始终屹立不摇。这世上总有些东西无法变更,我们必须调整自己,努力适应它,至少做好表面工作。我个人的意见是,私下里我们大可以随心所欲。感情的事常换常新。你即便朝秦暮楚也没问题。可拉格比却将存在下去。只要拉格比愿意接纳你,你就不应背弃它。在此前提下,完全可以及时行乐。可若当真一拍两散,对你没有什么好处。你要是愿意,一刀两断也可以。你有独立的经济来源,完全可以靠此过活。可你这样做实在有些不值。给拉格比生个小从男爵吧。这未尝不是件有趣的事情。”马尔科姆爵士靠向椅背,再度露出微笑。康妮并未作答。 "I hope you had a real man at last," he said to her after a while, sensually alert. “希望你碰到了真正的男子汉。”过了一会儿,他对女儿说,一副人老心不老的活泼劲儿。 "I did. That's the trouble. There aren't many of them about," she said. “我碰到的确实是。这正是让我苦恼的地方。世间的男子汉实在是凤毛麟角。”她说。 "No, by God!" he mused. “没错,天呢!”他沉思片刻。 "There aren't! Well, my dear, to look at you, he was a lucky man. Surely he wouldn't make trouble for you?” "Oh no! He leaves me my own mistress entirely." "Quite! Quite! A genuine man would." Sir Malcolm was pleased. Connie was his favourite daughter, he had always liked the female in her. Not so much of her mother in her as in Hilda. And he had always disliked Clifford. So he was pleased, and very tender with his daughter, as if the unborn child were his child. “的确如此!哦,亲爱的,看看你牵肠挂肚的模样,他的确是个幸运的家伙。他自然不会给你惹什么麻烦把?”“噢,没有!他让我自己拿主意。”“那是当然!那是当然!这正是大丈夫所为。”马尔科姆爵士兴高采烈。康妮是他最宠爱的女儿,他喜欢她身上的女人味。她不像希尔达,继承了太多母亲的特质。他也从来没青睐过克利福德。这正是他兴高采烈的原因,而且他无微不至地关怀着女儿,简直比孩子的父亲还要尽责。 He drove with her to Hartland's hotel, and saw her installed: then went round to his club. She had refused his company for the evening. 他开车送她去哈特兰饭店,等她安顿好一切,才返回俱乐部。她告诉父亲,晚上不用来陪她。 She found a letter from Mellors. 她收到梅勒斯的信。 I won't come round to your hotel, but I'll wait for you outside the Golden Cock in Adam Street at seven. There he stood, tall and slender, and so different, in a formal suit of thin dark cloth. He had a natural distinction, but he had not the cut-to-pattern look of her class. Yet, she saw at once, he could go anywhere. He had a native breeding which was really much nicer than the cut-to-pattern class thing. 我不想去饭店,晚上七点,我会在亚当街的金鸡咖啡馆门口等你。他果真站在那儿,依旧高挑修长,而身着黑色薄西服,让他与以往判若两人。他有一种自然的超凡脱俗的气质,却不像贵族阶层的人们那样千篇一律。但她早就看出,他绝非池中之物。他那种与生俱来的涵养,比起那种惺惺作态的仪表,实在胜强百倍。 "Ah, there you are! How well you look!" "Yes! But not you." She looked in his face anxiously. It was thin, and the cheekbones showed. But his eyes smiled at her, and she felt at home with him. There it was: suddenly, the tension of keeping up her appearances fell from her. Something flowed out of him physically, that made her feel inwardly at ease and happy, at home. With a woman's now alert instinct for happiness, she registered it at once. "I'm happy when he's there!” Not all the sunshine of Venice had given her this inward expansion and warmth. “啊,你来了!气色不错呀!”“是啊!可你看上去不太好。”她心疼地望着他的脸庞。他消瘦许多,颧骨向外凸出。但看到她,他的眼睛仍流露出笑意,和他在一起,她感到无拘无束。正因为此,她紧绷着的面孔突然间松弛下来。某种男子的气魄从他身上散发出来,让她发自内心地感觉轻松愉快,安然自得。凭借女性追求幸福的敏锐本能,她立即产生这样的感想。“因为有他在,我才是幸福的!”任威尼斯的阳光怎样灿烂,都无法让她的心感到宽慰和温暖。 "Was it horrid for you?" she asked as she sat opposite him at table. “那件事还让你后怕吧?”她跟他隔桌而坐,问道。 He was too thin; she saw it now. His hand lay as she knew it, with the curious loose forgottenness of a sleeping animal. She wanted so much to take it and kiss it. But she did not quite dare. 他瘦得有些脱相,这时她才看得真切。他仍像过去一样,像头熟睡的野兽,将手随意地搁在桌上,好像已经将它遗忘。她多想将它握住,亲吻它。但却没有那样的胆量。 "People are always horrid," he said. “人言可畏呀。”他说。 "And did you mind very much?" "I minded, as I always shall mind. And I knew I was a fool to mind." "Did you feel like a dog with a tin can tied to its tail? Clifford said you felt like that." He looked at her. It was cruel of her at that moment: for his pride had suffered bitterly. “你很在意那些风言风语么?”“我在意,我的个性就是如此。虽说我也明白,这样无异于犯傻。”“你感觉自己像条尾巴上拴着锡罐的野狗吗?克利福德说你的感觉很像。”他望着她。此时此刻,她说出这样的话实在有些残忍,因为他的自尊心受到极大的摧残。 "I suppose I did," he said. “应该是吧。”他说。 She never knew the fierce bitterness with which he resented insult. 她无法察觉,他对这样的侮辱是如何地深恶痛绝。 There was a long pause. 好一会儿没人做声。 "And did you miss me?" she asked. “你想念我吗?”她问。 "I was glad you were out of it." “你没有牵扯其中,我深感庆幸。” Again there was a pause. 又是一阵沉默。 "But did people believe about you and me?" she asked. “可大家相信关于你我的传闻吗?”她问。 "No! I don't think so for a moment.” “不!至少现在还不会。” "Did Clifford?" "I should say not. He put it off without thinking about it. But naturally it made him want to see the last of me." "I'm going to have a child.” The expression died utterly out of his face, out of his whole body. He looked at her with darkened eyes, whose look she could not understand at all: like some dark-flamed spirit looking at her. “克利福德呢?”“我想他也不会相信。他把事情推到一边,不去费神。不过,传闻让他再也不愿见到我,这也可以理解。”“我怀孕了。”他的表情完全僵住,身体如同木雕泥塑。他那双阴郁的眼睛紧紧盯着她,像某种燃烧着黑色火焰的精灵,她根本无法理解这种表情的含意。 "Say you're glad!" she pleaded, groping for his hand. “说你很开心!”她拉住他的手,央求着。 And she saw a certain exultance spring up in him. But it was netted down by things she could not understand. 她发觉无法言喻的狂喜从他的心底升腾而起。但这种喜悦却被她难以理解的东西掩盖住。 "It's the future," he said. “那是将来的事。”他说。 "But aren't you glad?" she persisted. “可难道你不开心吗?”她追问着。 "I have such a terrible mistrust of the future." "But you needn't be troubled by any responsibility. Clifford would have it as his own, he'd be glad.” She saw him go pale, and recoil under this. He did not answer. “我从不相信将来。”“可你不需要承担任何责任。克利福德会愉快地接纳它,并视如己出。”她发觉他的脸色变得苍白,流露出厌恶的表情。他没有回答。 "Shall I go back to Clifford and put a little baronet into Wragby?" she asked. “你要我回到克利福德身边,给拉格比生位小从男爵吗?”她问。 He looked at her, pale and very remote. The ugly little grin flickered on his face. 他只是望着她,脸庞煞白,神情疏远。脸上闪烁着勉为其难的苦笑。 "You wouldn't have to tell him who the father was?” "Oh!" she said; "he'd take it even then, if I wanted him to.” “你不会告诉他孩子的父亲是谁吧?”“噢!”她说:“即使我说出真相,他也会接受这孩子,只要我希望他这样做。” He thought for a time. 他沉思了一会儿。 "Ay!" he said at last, to himself. "I suppose he would." There was silence. A big gulf was between them. “是呀!”最后,他自言自语道,“我想他会接受的。”沉默再度降临。两人之间横亘着无法逾越的深渊。 "But you don't want me to go back to Clifford, do you?" she asked him. “可你不想我回到克利福德身边,对吗?”她问他。 "What do you want yourself?" he replied. “你自己打算何去何从呢?”他反问道。 "I want to live with you," she said simply. “我想和你长相厮守。”她的回答直接明了。 In spite of himself, little flames ran over his belly as he heard her say it, and he dropped his head. Then he looked up at her again, with those haunted eyes. 听到她诚挚的心声,小小的火苗不禁从他的小腹处蹿起,他垂下了头。接着,他又抬起头望着她,眼神如同着魔一般。 "If it's worth it to you," he said. "I've got nothing.” "You've got more than most men. Come, you know it," she said. “如果你认为那样做值得的话,”他说,“我一无所有。”“你拥有的比绝大多数男人要多。嗨,你清楚这一点。”她说。 "In one way, I know it." He was silent for a time, thinking. Then he resumed: "They used to say I had too much of the woman in me. But it's not that. I'm not a woman not because I don't want to shoot birds, neither because I don't want to make money, or get on. I could have got on in the army, easily, but I didn't like the army. Though I could manage the men all right: they liked me and they had a bit of a holy fear of me when I got mad. No, it was stupid, dead-handed higher authority that made the army dead: absolutely fool-dead. I like men, and men like me. But I can't stand the twaddling bossy impudence of the people who run this world. That's why I can't get on. I hate the impudence of money, and I hate the impudence of class. So in the world as it is, what have I to offer a woman?” "But why offer anything? It's not a bargain. It's just that we love one another," she said. “这样说来,我明白你的话。”他默默思索着。然后,他继续说道:“过去,他们常说我太娘了。但其实并非如此。我不忍射杀鸟儿,不愿聚敛私财,也不想往上爬,这并非娘们的写照。对我而言,在军队里谋得高位轻而易举,但我却讨厌军旅生涯。虽说我也能把部下管理得服服帖帖,他们都很爱戴我,我生气的时候,他们也都怕得要命。不,都怪那些愚蠢顽固的当权派,是他们将军队搞得死气沉沉,乌烟瘴气。我与世人并无隔阂,大家也都愿意接纳我。我只是无法忍受这个世界当权者的骄横跋扈、厚颜无耻。这正是我不求高升的原因。我憎恨肮脏丑恶的金钱,厌恶不知廉耻的统治阶级。容身的世界尚且如此,我又能拿些什么,来奉献给女人呢?”“可为什么要奉献呢?这并非讨价还价的交易。我们只是彼此相爱。”她说。 "Nay, nay! It's more than that. Living is moving and moving on. My life won't go down the proper gutters, it just won't. So I'm a bit of a waste ticket by myself. And I've no business to take a woman into my life, unless my life does something and gets somewhere, inwardly at least, to keep us both fresh. A man must offer a woman some meaning in his life, if it's going to be an isolated life, and if she's a genuine woman. I can't be just your male concubine.” "Why not?" she said. “不,不!事情远非如此简单。生活意味着不断前进,不断发展。而我不甘自己的生活堕进微贱。我就像张作废的车票。我无权把一个女人扯进自己的生活,除非能够有所起色,有所成就,至少是内在的,能让彼此都保持新鲜感。男人必须将生命中有意义的部分奉献给自己的另一半,只要她是位诚挚的女子,如果他们愿意相守一生。我不想只做你的情夫。”“为什么?”她问。 "Why, because I can't. And you would soon hate it.” "As if you couldn't trust me," she said. “呵,因为我无法说服自己。而你很快也会感到厌倦。”“就像你无法信任我一样。”她说。 The grin flickered on his face. 他苦笑着。 "The money is yours, the position is yours, the decisions will lie with you. I'm not just my Lady's fucker, after all.” "What else are you?" "You may well ask. It no doubt is invisible. Yet I'm something to myself at least. I can see the point of my own existence, though I can quite understand nobody else's seeing it.” "And will your existence have less point, if you live with me?" He paused a long time before replying: "It might." She too stayed to think about it. “你手握金钱,坐拥地位,将决定权牢牢掌控。毕竟,我不只是夫人您的纵欲机器。”“不然,你还是什么”“也难怪你会这样问。毫无疑问,那是看不见摸不着的。但我从不妄自菲薄。我清楚自己生存的意义,虽然我也能理解别人无法看透这一点。”“如果你跟我共同生活,生存的意义会因此减少吗?”他沉默许久,然后回答:“或许会。”她也陷入思考当中。 "And what is the point of your existence?" "I tell you, it's invisible. I don't believe in the world, not in money, nor in advancement, nor in the future of our civilization. If there's got to be a future for humanity, there'll have to be a very big change from what now is.” "And what will the real future have to be like?" "God knows! I can feel something inside me, all mixed up with a lot of rage. But what it really amounts to, I don't know.” "Shall I tell you?" she said, looking into his face. "Shall I tell you what you have that other men don't have, and that will make the future? Shall I tell you?” "Tell me then," he replied. “你生存的意义究竟是什么?”“我已经说过,那无法言喻。我不相信这个世界,对金钱及进步充满怀疑,甚至对人类文明的未来不抱希望。如果人类想拥有未来,如今的社会必须经历翻天覆地的变革。”“那真正的未来到底是怎样的呢?”“只有上帝才知道!在内心世界,我能感受到某些东西,它们跟无穷无尽的愤怒缠绕在一起。但它究竟是怎样的,我说不清楚。”“我来告诉你答案好吗?”她凝视着他的脸,说道。“我来告诉你,你拥有而其他男人缺少的是什么,真正能够缔造未来的是什么。你想知道吗?”“那就告诉我吧。”他答道。 "It's the courage of your own tenderness, that's what it is: like when you put your hand on my tail and say I've got a pretty tail.” The grin came flickering on his face. “那就是你有着拥有真挚情感的勇气,你会用手抚摸着我的屁股,真心真意地赞美它,起作用的正是这种情感。”他的脸上再度露出苦笑。 "That!" he said. “那个呀!”他说。 Then he sat thinking. 接着,他又默默思忖起来。 "Ay!" he said. “是呀!”他说。 "You're right. It's that really. It's that all the way through. I knew it with the men. I had to be in touch with them, physically, and not go back on it. I had to be bodily aware of them and a bit tender to them, even if I put 'em through hell. It's a question of awareness, as Buddha said. But even he fought shy of the bodily awareness, and that natural physical tenderness, which is the best, even between men; in a proper manly way. Makes 'em really manly, not so monkeyish. Ay! it's tenderness, really; it's cunt-awareness. “你说得有道理。的确是这种情感。自始至终都是它在起作用。与同性相处时,我也能体验到这种情感。我必须毫无保留地跟他们接触,绝不背弃这种情感。我必须切身地感受到他们,对他们怀有柔情,甚至对他们严加训教的时候也是如此。就像佛祖所言,这是个感受的问题。可即便是佛祖自己,也羞于承认身体的感受,刻意回避与生俱来的肉体温情,而这恰恰是至真至善的,甚至男人之间也是如此,必须以男子汉的方式来解决。让男人成为真正的男子汉,而不仅仅像猴子似的。是呀!的确是情感,是性爱的感受。 Sex is really only touch, the closest of all touch. And it's touch we're afraid of. We're only half-conscious, and half alive. We've got to come alive and aware. Especially the English have got to get into touch with one another, a bit delicate and a bit tender. It's our crying need.” She looked at him. 性爱其实只是种接触,是最亲密无间的接触。也正是你我最害怕的接触。我们的意识并未完全清醒,我们的生命同样不够完整。我们必须彻底清醒过来,迎接完整的生命。英国人尤其如此,必须拿出一点点体贴,献出一点点柔情,诚心诚意地与彼此相处。这是当务之急。”她望着他。 "Then why are you afraid of me?" she said. “那你为什么害怕我呢?”她问。 He looked at her a long time before he answered. 他盯着她端详许久,才给出答案。 "It's the money, really, and the position. It's the world in you.” "But isn't there tenderness in me?" she said wistfully. “其实是因为名利地位。因为你所处的世界。”“可难道我缺少柔情吗?”她迫切地问。 He looked down at her, with darkened, abstract eyes. 他那对幽暗深邃的眸子俯视着她。 "Ay! It comes an' goes, like in me.” "But can't you trust it between you and me?" she asked, gazing anxiously at him. “有呀!那种柔情时隐时现,和我的一样。”“可难道你不相信这种情感存在于你我之间吗?”她问道,急切地凝视着他。 She saw his face all softening down, losing its armour. 她发现他的神情完全缓和下来,将坚硬的盔甲尽数卸去。 "Maybe!" he said. They were both silent. “或许吧!”他说。两人都不再作声。 "I want you to hold me in your arms," she said. "I want you to tell me you are glad we are having a child." She looked so lovely and warm and wistful, his bowels stirred towards her. “我想你抱着我。”她说。“我想你告诉我,你很高兴我们即将拥有自己的宝宝。”她那样楚楚动人,热情洋溢,满怀渴望,他的心湖荡起波澜。 "I suppose we can go to my room," he said. "Though it's scandalous again.” But she saw the forgetfulness of the world coming over him again, his face taking the soft, pure look of tender passion. “咱们可以去我住的地方。”他提议。“虽然这将让丑闻再度滋生。”但她看出,此刻他已经将整个世界抛诸脑后,他的脸庞充满柔情,变得温和而纯净。 They walked by the remoter streets to Coburg Square, where he had a room at the top of the house, an attic room where he cooked for himself on a gas ring. It was small, but decent and tidy. 他们抄小路直奔科堡广场。他寓居的房间位于顶层的阁楼,备有自己做饭用的煤气炉。房间不大,却整洁干净,像模像样。 She took off her things, and made him do the same. She was lovely in the soft first flush of her pregnancy. 她脱光衣服,也让他褪去身上的累赘。怀孕不久的她温软红润,秀腴动人。 "I ought to leave you alone," he said. “我不该碰你。”他说。 "No!" she said. “不!”她说。 "Love me! Love me, and say you'll keep me. Say you'll keep me! Say you'll never let me go, to the world nor to anybody.” She crept close against him, clinging fast to his thin, strong naked body, the only home she had ever known. “爱我吧!爱我,说你会把我留在身边。说你我将永不分离!说你绝不会让我离开,无论是回到外面的世界,或是投入他人怀抱。”她缓缓靠近他,紧紧依偎着他修长结实的裸体,那是世间她唯一知晓的栖身之所。 "Then I'll keep thee," he said. "If tha wants it, then I'll keep thee.” He held her round and fast. “俺不会让恁离开。”他说。“要是恁愿意,俺就会永远留你在身边。”他紧紧拥抱着她。 "And say you're glad about the child," she repeated. “说你很开心将成为父亲。”她反复说道。 "Kiss it! Kiss my womb and say you're glad it's there.” But that was more difficult for him. “吻它!吻我的子宫,说你很高兴,只因它的存在。”但这让他有些勉为其难。 "I've a dread of puttin' children I' th' world," he said. "I've such a dread o' th' future for 'em.” "But you've put it into me. Be tender to it, and that will be its future already. Kiss it!” He quivered, because it was true. "Be tender to it, and that will be its future."—— At that moment he felt a sheer love for the woman. He kissed her belly and her mound of Venus, to kiss close to the womb and the foetus within the womb. “俺很害怕,害怕让孩子降临在这世上。”他说。“俺为它的未来感到担忧。”“但你早已把种子播撒在我的体内。以款款柔情待它,它便会拥有美好的未来。吻它!”他全身战栗,因为她的话千真万确。“以款款柔情待它,它便会拥有美好的未来。”——那一瞬间,他感受到自己是何等深爱着眼前的女子。他亲吻着她的下腹和维纳斯之丘,亲吻着靠近她子宫的位置以及孕育其中的胎儿。 "Oh, you love me! You love me!" she said, in a little cry like one of her blind, inarticulate love cries. “噢,你爱我!你爱我!”她轻声呼喊着,仿佛做爱时那种无法抑制、难以言表的呻吟。 And he went in to her softly, feeling the stream of tenderness flowing in release from his bowels to hers, the bowels of compassion kindled between them. 他轻柔地插入她的身体,感觉到柔情的细流在彼此心房间传递,两颗爱怜的心燃烧起来。 And he realized as he went into her that this was the thing he had to do, to come into tender touch, without losing his pride or his dignity or his integrity as a man. After all, if she had money and means, and he had none, he should be too proud and honourable to hold back his tenderness from her on that account. "I stand for the touch of bodily awareness between human beings," he said to himself, "and the touch of tenderness. And she is my mate. And it is a battle against the money, and the machine, and the insentient ideal monkeyishness of the world. And she will stand behind me there. Thank God I've got a woman! Thank God I've got a woman who is with me, and tender and aware of me. Thank God she's not a bully, nor a fool. Thank God she's a tender, aware woman.” And as his seed sprang in her, his soul sprang towards her too, in the creative act that is far more than procreative. 当他插进她的身体,他意识到这是自己理应完成的重任,以深情与她交缠,并保持自己身为男子汉的骄傲、尊严以及完整。毕竟,她有钱有势,而他两手空空,为保有自尊和傲气,他自然不会因此而压抑对她的柔情。“我接受人与人之间的肌肤之亲,”他自语道,“以及情感的交融。她是我的伴侣。这是场战斗,我们面对的敌人是金钱、机器以及这世界残酷无情的兽性。她会成为我坚强的后盾。感谢上帝,让我拥有这女子!感谢上帝,让我拥有她,这位支持我、爱我、理解我的好伴侣。感谢上帝,她心地良善,蕙质兰心。感谢上帝,她柔情似水,善解人意。”当他将精液喷洒在她的体内,在这种远远高于生殖行为的创造性过程中,他的灵魂也与她的相互交融。 She was quite determined now that there should be no parting between him and her. But the ways and means were still to settle. 现在,她已铁了心,跟他永不离分。但采取怎样的方法还需考量。 "Did you hate Bertha Coutts?" she asked him. “你恨贝莎·库茨吗?”她问他。 "Don't talk to me about her.” "Yes! You must let me. Because once you liked her. And once you were as intimate with her as you are with me. So you have to tell me. Isn't it rather terrible, when you've been intimate with her, to hate her so? Why is it?” "I don't know. She sort of kept her will ready against me, always, always: her ghastly female will: her freedom! A woman's ghastly freedom that ends in the most beastly bullying! Oh, she always kept her freedom against me, like vitriol in my face.” "But she's not free of you even now. Does she still love you?” "No, no! If she's not free of me, it's because she's got that mad rage, she must try to bully me.” "But she must have loved you." "No! Well, in specks she did. She was drawn to me. And I think even that she hated. She loved me in moments. But she always took it back, and started bullying. Her deepest desire was to bully me, and there was no altering her. Her will was wrong, from the first." "But perhaps she felt you didn't really love her, and she wanted to make you.” "My God, it was bloody making." "But you didn't really love her, did you? You did her that wrong.” "How could I? I began to. I began to love her. But somehow, she always ripped me up. No, don't let's talk of it. It was a doom, that was. And she was a doomed woman. This last time, I'd have shot her like I shoot a stoat, if I'd but been allowed: a raving, doomed thing in the shape of a woman! If only I could have shot her, and ended the whole misery! It ought to be allowed. When a woman gets absolutely possessed by her own will, her own will set against everything, then it's fearful, and she should be shot at last.” "And shouldn't men be shot at last, if they get possessed by their own will?” "Ay!—the same! But I must get free of her, or she'll be at me again. I wanted to tell you. I must get a divorce if I possibly can. So we must be careful. We mustn't really be seen together, you and I. I never, never could stand it if she came down on me and you.” Connie pondered this. “别跟我提起她。”“不行!你得听我说。因为你曾经喜欢过她。曾经跟她亲密无间,就像现在跟我一样。所以,你得告诉我实话。憎恨昔日亲密的爱侣,这是不是有些可怕?原因又是什么呢?”“我不知道。她随时随地做好与我作对的准备,从头至尾,无时无刻,她那恐怖的女性意志,她任性胡为的脾气!女人可怕的自由意志最终会演变成为世间最残忍的行为!噢,她总是我行我素,处处跟我针锋相对,就像往我脸上泼硫酸。”“但即使是现在,她依然对你纠缠不休。难道她依然爱着你?”“不,不是那样!她对我纠缠不休,只是因为她怀有切齿的痛恨,誓要让我付出代价。”“可她肯定爱过你。”“不!哦,确实有过一点。她为我所吸引。我想就连这都已成为她忌恨的原因。她间或对我流露出爱意。但她总会将爱收回,然后开始折磨我。她最大的愿望就是折磨我,想要改变她完全是徒劳。她的初衷本就是错的。”“可或许她觉得你并未全身心地爱她,希望借此让你这样做。”“天呢,这种方式也太过分了。”“可你并未真正爱过她,不是吗?是你让她越陷越深。”“我又能怎样?起初我也想过。起初我也想要爱她。但不知为何,她总想将我撕成碎片。不,别提这些了。这就叫做在劫难逃。这女人就是我的灾星。这回就是明证,要是法律允许,我早就请她吃枪子儿了,就像对付白鼬一样。她满嘴疯话,简直像头化成人形的野兽。我早该一枪送她归西,就可以让这些倒霉事画上句号。干嘛阻止我这样做呢?女人要是完全被自我意志所支配,而这种意志又与一切为敌,这绝对是件可怕的事情,她最终的归宿就应该是饮弹而亡。”“要是换成男人,是否也应该是这种下场呢?”“是呀!——男人也一样!可我必须甩掉她,否则准会纠缠不放。我早想跟你说。只要有可能,我必须尽快离婚。因此,我们得倍加小心。我们在一起的时候,不能被旁人发现。如果她胆敢对你我胡言乱语,我绝不会放过这婆娘。”康妮考虑着他的话。 "Then we can't be together?" she said. “那么说,咱俩要分开一段时间?”她问。 "Not for six months or so. But I think my divorce will go through in September; then till March." "But the baby will probably be born at the end of February," she said. “大约六个月左右。但我想离婚的事九月便能被受理,等到明年三月就行。”“可宝宝二月底可能就会降生。”她说。 He was silent. 他默不作声。 "I could wish the Cliffords and Berthas all dead," he said. “我多希望克利福德和贝莎这号人都死光光。”他说。 "It's not being very tender to them," she said. “这样对他们可缺乏柔情。”她说。 "Tender to them? Yea, even then the tenderest thing you could do for them, perhaps, would be to give them death. They can't live! They only frustrate life. Their souls are awful inside them. Death ought to be sweet to them. And I ought to be allowed to shoot them.” "But you wouldn't do it," she said. “对他们报以柔情?是呀,给他们最大的柔情,或许就是送他们去死。他们不可以留在这世上!他们只会成为生活的阻碍。他们的灵魂丑陋无比。死亡已是他们最美妙的结局。真应该让我结束他们的性命。”“可你不会那样做的。”她说。 "I would though! and with less qualms than I shoot a weasel. It anyhow has a prettiness and a loneliness. But they are legion. Oh, I'd shoot them.” "Then perhaps it is just as well you daren't.” "Well." Connie had now plenty to think of. It was evident he wanted absolutely to be free of Bertha Coutts. And she felt he was right. The last attack had been too grim—— This meant her living alone, till spring. Perhaps she could get divorced from Clifford. But how? If Mellors were named, then there was an end to his divorce. How loathsome! Couldn't one go right away, to the far ends of the earth, and be free from it all? One could not. The far ends of the world are not five minutes from Charing Cross, nowadays. While the wireless is active, there are no far ends of the earth. Kings of Dahomey and Lamas of Tibet listen in to London and New York. “我会的!射杀黄鼠狼或许我还会有所犹豫。毕竟这种动物还拥有某种孤寂的美。可他们确实随处可见的人渣。噢,我要崩了他们。”“或许你不敢这样做。”“呵。”康妮现在有太多事情要费神。很明显,他的的确确想要摆脱贝莎·库茨。她也认同他的想法。最后的斗争总是异常残酷——这意味着她要独自过活,等待春天的来临。或许她也可以跟克利福德离婚。可到底要怎么做呢?如果说出梅勒斯的名字,那么他离婚的事也会随之告吹。真可恶!难道就不能远遁他乡,逃到天涯海角,摆脱这一切吗?不能这么做。今时今日,天涯海角距离查灵街不过五分钟的距离。只要有无线电通讯,天涯不过咫尺。无论达荷美(注:贝宁的旧称)的国王,还是西藏的喇嘛,都听得到伦敦和纽约的电波。 Patience! Patience! The world is a vast and ghastly intricacy of mechanism, and one has to be very wary, not to get mangled by it. 忍耐!忍耐!辽阔的世界就像错综复杂的机械系统,必须谨小慎微,否则就会被碾成齑粉。 Connie confided in her father. 康妮向父亲倾吐心事。 "You see, Father, he was Clifford's game-keeper: but he was an officer in the army in India. Only he is like Colonel C. E. Florence, who preferred to become a private soldier again.” “听着,爸爸,他是克利福德的守林人,但曾经在印度做过军官。可他就像C.E.弗洛伦斯上校,渴望重新做回二等兵。” Sir Malcolm, however, had no sympathy with the unsatisfactory mysticism of the famous C. E. Florence. He saw too much advertisement behind all the humility. It looked just like the sort of conceit the knight most loathed, the conceit of self-abasement. 可惜,对于梅勒斯关于那个著名的C.E.弗洛伦斯上校的、不知满足的空想,马尔科姆爵士并无任何好感。他觉得那谦逊外表的背后,藏着的更多是自我标榜。似乎这种自负,名贬实褒的自负,恰恰是老爵士最为厌恶的。 "Where did your game-keeper spring from?" asked Sir Malcolm irritably. “你的守林人从哪里蹦出来的?”马尔科姆爵士气冲冲地问。 "He was a collier's son in Tevershall. But he's absolutely presentable.” The knighted artist became more angry. “他父亲在特弗沙尔做矿工。可他绝非平庸之辈。”爵士艺术家简直暴跳如雷。 "Looks to me like a gold-digger," he said. "And you're a pretty easy gold-mine, apparently.” "No, Father, it's not like that. You'd know if you saw him. He's a man. Clifford always detested him for not being humble.” "Apparently he had a good instinct, for once." What Sir Malcolm could not bear was the scandal of his daughter's having an intrigue with a game-keeper. He did not mind the intrigue: he minded the scandal. “在我看来,他不过是个淘金者。”他说。“而很明显,你就是那座极易采掘的金矿。”“不,爸爸,并非你想的那样。如果你见见他,就会明白真相。他是个男子汉。克利福德对他深恶痛绝,只因为他不肯低声下气,唯命是从。”“看来,克利福德的预感也有准的时候。”自己的女儿跟守林人偷情,并传出丑闻,这让马尔科姆爵士无法容忍。私通他并不介意,但他却无法忍受丑闻的出现。 "I care nothing about the fellow. He's evidently been able to get round you all right. But, by God, think of all the talk. Think of your step-mother how she'll take it!” "I know," said Connie. "Talk is beastly: especially if you live in society. And he wants so much to get his own divorce. I thought we might perhaps say it was another man's child, and not mention Mellors' name at all.” "Another man's! What other man's?” "Perhaps Duncan Forbes. He has been our friend all his life." "And he's a fairly well-known artist. And he's fond of me.” "Well I'm damned! Poor Duncan! And what's he going to get out of it?” "I don't know. But he might rather like it, even.” "He might, might he? Well, he's a funny man if he does. Why, you've never even had an affair with him, have you?” "No! But he doesn't really want it. He only loves me to be near him, but not to touch him.” "My God, what a generation!" "He would like me most of all to be a model for him to paint from. Only I never wanted to." "God help him! But he looks down-trodden enough for anything.” "Still, you wouldn't mind so much the talk about him?” "My God, Connie, all the bloody contriving!" "I know! It's sickening! But what can I do?” "Contriving, conniving; conniving, contriving! Makes a man think he's lived too long.” "Come, Father, if you haven't done a good deal of contriving and conniving in your time, you may talk.” "But it was different, I assure you." "It's always different.” Hilda arrived, also furious when she heard of the new developments. And she also simply could not stand the thought of a public scandal about her sister and a game-keeper. Too, too humiliating! “我对他毫无兴趣。很明显,他清楚如何蒙蔽你的眼睛。不过,天呢,想想那些风言风语吧。想想你的继母吧,她怎能容忍这档子事!”“我知道。”康妮说。“人言可畏,对于上流社会的人来说,尤其如此。他希望尽快办妥离婚。我想或许可以说孩子的生父另有其人,而不必提及梅勒斯的名字。”“另有其人!谁?”“或许可以说是邓肯·霍布斯。他是我们的发小。又是位知名的画家。而且他对我也很有好感。”“呵,真该死!倒霉的邓肯!他干嘛要替你背黑锅?”“我不晓得。但他或许会赞成这主意。”“他会赞成,真的吗?他要是赞成的话,那可倒真很搞笑。他凭什么接受,你从来就没跟他发生过关系,不是吗?”“对!可他并不在意那些。他只是希望常伴我左右,与我相敬如宾。”“天呢,年轻人的想法真是不可理喻!”“他最希望我能够成为他临摹的对象。可我并不愿意。”“可怜的家伙!这家伙连点胆量都没有。”“不过,要是他成为绯闻的主角,您就不会介意了吧?”“天呢,康妮,你在编织弥天大谎!”“我知道!这的确令人作呕!但我又能怎么办?”“除了阴谋,就是诡计!简直会让人嫌自己的命太长。”“算了吧,爸爸,你又何尝不是靠阴谋诡计过活,根本没有谴责别人的资格。”“可我敢保证,两者有质的区别。”“你就会说有区别。”希尔达赶到了,听说事情的最新进展,也不禁大发雷霆。她同样无法忍受妹妹跟守林人私通的事搞得尽人皆知。真是丢脸丢到家了! "Why should we not just disappear, separately, to British Columbia, and have no scandal?" said Connie. “我们为何不干脆销声匿迹,分头前往英属哥伦比亚,这样不就没有丑闻了?”康妮说。 But that was no good. The scandal would come out just the same. And if Connie was going with the man, she'd better be able to marry him. This was Hilda's opinion. Sir Malcolm wasn't sure. The affair might still blow over. 可这主意行不通。丑闻照样会不胫而走。如果康妮打算跟情郎私奔,那最好能够嫁给他。这是希尔达的建议。马尔科姆爵士拿不定主意。事情或许还有转圜的余地。 "But will you see him, Father?" Poor Sir Malcolm! he was by no means keen on it. And poor Mellors, he was still less keen. Yet the meeting took place: a lunch in a private room at the club, the two men alone, looking one another up and down. “可你不想见见他吗,爸爸?”可怜的马尔科姆爵士!他根本没兴趣见这位未来女婿。而可怜的梅勒斯,更不愿与准岳父碰面。但会面还是成为事实,两人在俱乐部的私人会客室里共进午餐,互相打量,大眼瞪小眼。 Sir Malcolm drank a fair amount of whisky, Mellors also drank. And they talked all the while about India, on which the young man was well informed. 马尔科姆爵士喝威士忌喝得有点高,梅勒斯也来了几杯。印度成为他俩的中心谈资,因为梅勒斯对那里非常熟悉。 This lasted during the meal. Only when coffee was served, and the waiter had gone, Sir Malcolm lit a cigar and said, heartily: "Well, young man, and what about my daughter?" The grin flickered on Mellors' face. 整个午餐时间全部围绕着这一话题。直到咖啡端上桌,侍应退出房间,马尔科姆爵士才点燃雪茄,说出掏心掏肺的话:“我说,年轻人,我女儿到底怎么办?”梅勒斯脸上闪过一丝苦笑。 "Well, Sir, and what about her?" "You've got a baby in her all right.” "I have that honour!" grinned Mellors. “呃,爵爷,什么怎么办?”“是你让他怀孕的。”“很荣幸!”梅勒斯笑道。 "Honour, by God!" Sir Malcolm gave a little squirting laugh, and became Scotch and lewd. "Honour! How was the going, eh? Good, my boy, what?" "Good!" "I'll bet it was! Ha-ha! My daughter, chip of the old block, what! I never went back on a good bit of fucking, myself. Though her mother, oh, holy saints!” He rolled his eyes to heaven. "But you warmed her up, oh, you warmed her up, I can see that. Ha-ha! My blood in her! You set fire to her haystack all right. Ha-ha-ha! I was jolly glad of it, I can tell you. She needed it. Oh, she's a nice girl, she's a nice girl, and I knew she'd be good going, if only some damned man would set her stack on fire! Ha-ha-ha! A game-keeper, eh, my boy! Bloody good poacher, if you ask me. Ha-ha! But now, look here, speaking seriously, what are we going to do about it? Speaking seriously, you know!” Speaking seriously, they didn't get very far. Mellors, though a little tipsy, was much the soberer of the two. He kept the conversation as intelligent as possible: which isn't saying much. “荣幸,天呢!”马尔科姆爵士笑得几乎把咖啡喷出来,然后摆出那副苏格兰人的下流面孔。“荣幸!感觉怎么样?很棒吧,年轻人,是不是?”“很棒!”“我敢打包票你会这么说!哈哈!那可是我的女儿,正所谓虎父无犬女,对吧?我从来不会为绝妙的性经历感到后悔。虽说她母亲,噢,愿神保佑她!”他仰头眼望天空。“可是你让她温暖起来,噢,是你让他重获激情,这逃不过我的眼睛。哈哈!她身上流着我的血液!你将她的激情重新点燃。哈哈哈!我不妨告诉你,我开心极了。她需要爱情的滋润。噢,她是个好姑娘,地道的好姑娘,我早就知道,只要哪个家伙能让她激情重燃,她准会容光焕发。哈哈哈!守林人,呵,小伙子!要我说的话,你可是个偷猎的好手。哈哈!可现在,听着,咱们言归正传,咱们到底该怎么处理这件事?说点正经的,你晓得!”真说正经的,他俩可真有点聊不到一起。梅勒斯虽说微醺,但却比老爵爷清醒得多。他尽量让交谈保持在理性的范围内,也就是说话越少越好。 "So you're a game-keeper! Oh, you're quite right! That sort of game is worth a man's while, eh, what? The test of a woman is when you pinch her bottom. You can tell just by the feel of her bottom if she's going to come up all right. Ha-ha! I envy you, my boy. How old are you?” "Thirty-nine.” The knight lifted his eyebrows. “你是个守林人!你的行为无可指摘!男子汉即使费点神,也不会放过这样的猎物,对吧?只要捏捏女人的屁股,就会分清优劣。摸摸她的屁股,你就清楚她够不够劲儿。哈哈!我真羡慕你,孩子。你多大了?”“39。”老爵士挑起眉毛。 "As much as that! Well, you've another good twenty years, by the look of you. Oh, game-keeper or not, you're a good cock. I can see that with one eye shut. Not like that blasted Clifford! A lily-livered hound with never a fuck in him, never had. I like you, my boy, I'll bet you've a good cod on you; oh, you're a bantam, I can see that. You're a fighter. Game-keeper! Ha-ha, by crikey, I wouldn't trust my game to you! But look here, seriously, what are we going to do about it? The world's full of blasted old women.” Seriously, they didn't do anything about it, except establish the old free-masonry of male sensuality between them. “可真不小了!不过,你看起来要年轻个20岁。噢,不管你是守林人或者别的什么,你是个男子汉。我用一只眼也看得出来。不像那个讨厌的克利福德!那个懦弱的家伙,没点儿阳刚之气。我欣赏你,小伙子,我敢打赌,你那话儿绝对够劲儿,噢,你是只好斗的矮脚鸡,我看得出来。你是个斗士。守林人!哈哈,哎呦,我可不敢让你替我看守猎场!可相信我,说正经的,这件事咱们到底该怎么整?满世界都是年老色衰的臭娘们。”说实话,他俩根本没谈出个子午卯酉,倒是在男人的官能感受方面有些志同道合。 "And look here, my boy, if ever I can do anything for you, you can rely on me. Game-keeper! Christ, but it's rich! I like it! Oh, I like it! Shows the girl's got spunk. What? After all, you know, she has her own income, moderate, moderate, but above starvation. And I'll leave her what I've got. By God, I will. She deserves it for showing spunk, in a world of old women. I've been struggling to get myself clear of the skirts of old women for seventy years, and haven't managed it yet. But you're the man, I can see that.” "I'm glad you think so. They usually tell me, in a sideways fashion, that I'm the monkey.” "Oh, they would! My dear fellow, what could you be but a monkey, to all the old women?" They parted most genially, and Mellors laughed inwardly all the time for the rest of the day. “听我说,小伙子,需要我帮忙的地方,尽管开口。守林人!上帝呀,真是有趣!我喜欢这差事!噢,我喜欢这行当!这说明我女儿够胆识。没错吧?你知道,她毕竟有独立的经济来源,虽然不多,但至少不会饿肚子。将来我也会把自己的财产留给她。上帝作证,我会这样做。但凭这勇气,敢于向这个充斥着老婆娘的世界宣战,她就理应得到我的馈赠。70多年来,我始终想要摆脱老娘们的石榴裙,但至今没能成功。但你准做得到,我看好你。”“很高兴你这么认为。可人们私下里总说我像只猴子。”“噢,他们会那么说的!我亲爱的伙计,对于那些老女人来说,你不是只猴崽子,还会是什么?”他俩愉快地分了手,为此梅勒斯整整乐了一天。 The following day he had lunch with Connie and Hilda, at some discreet place. 第二天,他跟康妮和希尔达共进午餐,他们选了个不起眼的饭馆。 "It's a very great pity it's such an ugly situation all round," said Hilda. “现在事情变得一团糟,的确非常棘手。”希尔达说。 "I had a lot o' fun out of it," said he. “我倒觉得其乐无穷。”他说。 "I think you might have avoided putting children into the world until you were both free to marry and have children." "The Lord blew a bit too soon on the spark," said he. “要我看,等你俩都恢复自由身,可以结婚生子时,再要孩子也不晚。”“上帝让火着得有点快。”他说。 "I think the Lord had nothing to do with it. Of course, Connie has enough money to keep you both, but the situation is unbearable." "But then you don't have to bear more than a small corner of it, do you?" said he. “我可不认为应该归罪于上帝。当然,康妮的收入足够你俩过活,但目前的情况实在糟糕。”“可你不必体验这种身临险境的窘迫,不是吗?”他说。 "If you'd been in her own class.” "Or if I'd been in a cage at the Zoo.” There was silence. “要是你俩门第相当就好了。”“或者我被关在动物园的笼子里。”三个人都不再作声。 "I think," said Hilda, "it will be best if she names quite another man as co-respondent and you stay out of it altogether.” "But I thought I'd put my foot right in.” "I mean in the divorce proceedings." He gazed at her in wonder. Connie had not dared mention the Duncan scheme to him. “依我看,”希尔达说,“最好让康妮另找个男人做替罪羊,而你可以完全置身事外。”“可我愿意承担任何后果。”“我是说在离婚诉讼期间。”他诧异地看着她。找邓肯帮忙的事,康妮没敢跟他说起。 "I don't follow," he said. “我不明白你的意思。”他说。 "We have a friend who would probably agree to be named as co-respondent, so that your name need not appear," said Hilda. “我们有个朋友,他很可能愿意扮演奸夫的角色,这样一来,你的名字就可以不被提及。”希尔达说。 "You mean a man?" "Of course!" "But she's got no other?” He looked in wonder at Connie. “你说的朋友是个男人吧?”“那当然!”“可她并没脚踩两只船呀?”他错愕地看着康妮。 "No, no!" she said hastily. "Only that old friendship, quite simple, no love." "Then why should the fellow take the blame? If he's had nothing out of you?” "Some men are chivalrous and don't only count what they get out of a woman," said Hilda. “不,不!”她赶紧解释。“他只是个老朋友,我们的关系相当单纯,并没有男女之爱。”“那么他干嘛要背负这罪名呢?要是他从你那儿得不到任何回报?”“有些男人侠肝义胆,并不指望从女人身上捞到好处。”希尔达说。 "One for me, eh? But who's the johnny?” "A friend whom we've known since we were children in Scotland, an artist.” "Duncan Forbes!" he said at once, for Connie had talked to him. “甘愿替我出头,是吗?可那位仁兄究竟姓甚名谁?”“我们儿时在苏格兰结识的朋友,是位画家。”“邓肯·福布斯!”他立即说出他的名字,因为康妮曾经跟他提起过。 "And how would you shift the blame on to him?" "They could stay together in some hotel, or she could even stay in his apartment." "Seems to me like a lot of fuss for nothing," he said. “你们怎么能将罪名转嫁到他身上?”“他们可以住在同家旅馆,甚至在他的公寓过夜也没问题。”“依我看,这样做实在有些小题大做。”他说。 "What else do you suggest?" said Hilda. "If your name appears, you will get no divorce from your wife, who is apparently quite an impossible person to be mixed up with." "All that!" he said grimly. “你还有别的主意吗?”希尔达问。“要是成为共同被告,你想要办妥离婚简直比登天还难,再说你妻子本就是个棘手的女人。”“怎么搞成这样!”他郁闷地说。 There was a long silence. 又是一阵长久的沉默。 "We could go right away," he said. “我们可以一走了之。”他说。 "There is no right away for Connie," said Hilda. "Clifford is too well known." Again the silence of pure frustration. “康妮做不到。”希尔达说。“克利福德名声太响。”沮丧的情绪让三人再度陷入沉默。 "The world is what it is. If you want to live together without being persecuted, you will have to marry. To marry, you both have to be divorced. So how are you both going about it?" He was silent for a long time. “现实就是如此。如果想要安安稳稳地过日子而不被起诉,就必须结婚。而要结婚,你俩就得先办妥离婚。你们究竟打算怎么处理?”他沉默良久。 "How are you going about it for us?" he said. “你希望我们怎么做?”他说。 "We will see if Duncan will consent to figure as co-respondent: then we must get Clifford to divorce Connie: and you must go on with your divorce, and you must both keep apart till you are free.” "Sounds like a lunatic asylum." "Possibly! And the world would look on you as lunatics: or worse.” "What is worse?" "Criminals, I suppose." "Hope I can plunge in the dagger a few more times yet," he said, grinning. Then he was silent, and angry. 我们先要征询邓肯的意见,看他是否同意扮演奸夫的角色,然后,要设法让克利福德答应跟康妮离婚。而你的任务是办妥离婚,在彻底恢复自由身之前,你俩不能再见面。”“感觉就像进了疯人院。”“或许吧!世人恰恰把你们当作疯子,或许更有甚者。”“更有甚者?”“大概是通奸犯。”“真希望能多用几次我的匕首。”他冷笑着说。然后,他不再作声,只是生着闷气。 "Well!" he said at last. “好吧!”他终于妥协。 "I agree to anything. The world is a raving idiot, and no man can kill it: though I'll do my best. But you re right. We must rescue ourselves as best we can.” He looked in humiliation, anger, weariness and misery at Connie. “我什么都同意。世人都是不可理喻的白痴,没人能将他们全部杀绝,即使我愿意竭尽全力。不过你是对的。我们必须竭尽所能,救自己逃出生天。”他望着康妮,心里五味杂陈,有屈辱,有愤懑,有厌倦,也有痛苦。 "Ma lass!" he said. “亲爱的!”他说。 "The world's goin' to put salt on thy tail.” "Not if we don't let it," she said. “你只能眼睁睁地跳入世人设的圈套。”“不会的,只要我们不妥协。”她说。 She minded this conniving against the world less than he did. 说到与世界针锋相对的反抗情绪,她远没有他那般强烈。 Duncan, when approached, also insisted on seeing the delinquent game-keeper, so there was a dinner, this time in his flat: the four of them. Duncan was a rather short, broad, dark-skinned, taciturn Hamlet of a fellow with straight black hair and a weird Celtic conceit of himself. His art was all tubes and valves and spirals and strange colours, ultra-modern, yet with a certain power, even a certain purity of form and tone: only Mellors thought it cruel and repellent. He did not venture to say so, for Duncan was almost insane on the point of his art: it was a personal cult, a personal religion with him. 姐妹俩前去试探邓肯的口风,可那位画家却坚持要见见守林人,毕竟是他未能负起情人的责任。四人约定共进晚餐,地点是邓肯的公寓。邓肯又矮又壮,肤色偏暗,哈姆雷特般地沉默寡言,一头乌黑的直发,拥有典型的凯尔特人性格,自负到极点。他的画作描绘的全是管子,阀门以及螺旋状物,色彩的搭配也特立独行,具有极端的现实主义风格,但也不乏某种感染力,甚至是形式与色调的单纯搭配。不过,梅勒斯却认为这些画作冷酷无情,令人反感。他却不能贸然说出自己的看法,因为邓肯对自己的艺术观几近痴狂,简直像是种个人崇拜和信仰。 They were looking at the pictures in the studio, and Duncan kept his smallish brown eyes on the other man. He wanted to hear what the game-keeper would say. He knew already Connie's and Hilda's opinions. 一行人在工作室里欣赏画作,邓肯始终眯着棕色的小眼睛,打量着梅勒斯。他想听听梅勒斯的看法。对于希尔达姐妹的意见,他早就一清二楚。 "It is like a pure bit of murder," said Mellors at last; a speech Duncan by no means expected from a game-keeper. “感觉有点像赤裸裸的谋杀。”梅勒斯终于给出自己的评价,而邓肯绝没想到区区一个守林人能够说出这番言论。 "And who is murdered?" asked Hilda, rather coldly and sneeringly. “那被谋杀的是谁呀?”希尔达问,冷漠的口吻中带着揶揄。 "Me! It murders all the bowels of compassion in a man." A wave of pure hate came out of the artist. He heard the note of dislike in the other man's voice, and the note of contempt. And he himself loathed the mention of bowels of compassion. Sickly sentiment! “我!人的怜悯之心完全被践踏。”画家听到梅勒斯的话,气不打一处来。他听出梅勒斯口气中的厌恶与鄙视。而他更反感别人提及怜悯之心这种话题。病态的情感! Mellors stood rather tall and thin, worn-looking, gazing with flickering detachment that was something like the dancing of a moth on the wing, at the pictures. 梅勒斯站在那里,修长清瘦,面容憔悴,端详着画作的眼神不专注地来回闪跳,好像只展翅飞舞的蛾子。 "Perhaps stupidity is murdered; sentimental stupidity," sneered the artist. “或许被谋杀的是愚蠢吧,只知感情用事的愚蠢。”邓肯讽刺道。 "Do you think so? I think all these tubes and corrugated vibrations are stupid enough for anything, and pretty sentimental. They show a lot of self-pity and an awful lot of nervous self-opinion, seems to me.” In another wave of hate the artist's face looked yellow. But with a sort of silent hauteur he turned the pictures to the wall. “你这么认为吗?依我看,这些管子和螺旋体比任何东西都要愚蠢,更具备无病呻吟的特色。对我而言,它们简直就是自怜自哀,冥顽不灵的代表。”画家气得脸色蜡黄。但他仍保持着高傲的态度,一声不吭地将画作向墙壁翻转过去。 "I think we may go to the dining-room," he said. And they trailed off, dismally. “我想咱们可以去用餐了。”他说。一行人鱼贯而出,气氛异常沉闷。 After coffee, Duncan said: "I don't at all mind posing as the father of Connie's child. But only on the condition that she'll come and pose as a model for me. I've wanted her for years, and she's always refused." He uttered it with the dark finality of an inquisitor announcing an auto da fe. 用过咖啡,邓肯开口道:“充当康妮孩子的父亲,我丝毫不会介意。但唯一的条件是,她得来画室做我的模特。这是我多年来梦寐以求的事情,但总是吃到闭门羹。”他声调低沉,不容置疑,像是位宣布火刑的宗教裁判官。 "Ah!" said Mellors. "You only do it on condition, then?" "Quite! I only do it on that condition." The artist tried to put the utmost contempt of the other person into his speech. He put a little too much. “啊!”梅勒斯说。“只有答应这条件,你才能帮忙吗?”“没错!必须答应这条件。”画家试图在话语中表现出对梅勒斯的极端藐视。但他似乎做得有些过头。 "Better have me as a model at the same time," said Mellors. "Better do us in a group, Vulcan and Venus under the net of art. I used to be a blacksmith, before I was a game-keeper.” "Thank you," said the artist. "I don't think Vulcan has a figure that interests me.” "Not even if it was tubified and titivated up?" There was no answer. The artist was too haughty for further words. “最好同时也请我做你的模特。”梅勒斯说。“最好把我俩画在一起,坠入艺术之网的伏尔甘(注:罗马神话中的火与锻造之神,维纳斯的丈夫)和维纳斯。做守林人之前,我当过铁匠呢。”“感激不尽。”画家回应道。“伏尔甘那身材我可不感兴趣。”“即便将它装扮得像根管子都不行吗?”邓肯没有回答。画家不屑于再跟梅勒斯攀谈。 It was a dismal party, in which the artist henceforth steadily ignored the presence of the other man, and talked only briefly, as if the words were wrung out of the depths of his gloomy portentousness, to the women. 晚餐时的气氛相当沉闷。邓肯始终没有再搭理梅勒斯,只是跟两位女士谈话,而且尽量做到言简意赅,仿佛那些语句是从他忧郁自负的深渊里挤出来的一般。 "You didn't like him, but he's better than that, really. He's really kind," Connie explained as they left. “你不喜欢他,但实际上他的个性并非如此。他真的是个好人。”从邓肯家出来,康妮向梅勒斯解释着。 "He's a little black pup with a corrugated distemper," said Mellors. “他像条患上螺纹狂热症的小黑狗。”梅勒斯说。 "No, he wasn't nice today.” "And will you go and be a model to him?" "Oh, I don't really mind any more. He won't touch me. And I don't mind anything, if it paves the way to a life together for you and me.” "But he'll only shit on you on canvas.” "I don't care. He'll only be painting his own feelings for me, and I don't mind if he does that. I wouldn't have him touch me, not for anything. But if he thinks he can do anything with his owlish arty staring, let him stare. He can make as many empty tubes and corrugations out of me as he likes. It's his funeral. He hated you for what you said: that his tubified art is sentimental and self-important. But of course it's true.” “嗯,他今天确实有些讨人嫌。”“你会去给他做模特吗?”“噢,我已经无所谓了。他绝不会碰我。只要我们最终能走到一起,其他的都无所谓。”“但他会在画布上对你胡涂乱抹。”“我不在乎。他只会画出对我的感觉,那样的话,我就不会介意。我不会让他碰我分毫。可若是他认为仅用那对画家的直眼睛盯着我看,就能得到满足,那不妨让他看好了。他尽可以把我画成许多空管子还有螺纹。那是他的自由。他之所以讨厌你,就是因为你的那番言论:他画的管子只不过是无病呻吟,妄自尊大。不过当然这评价确实一针见血。” 第十九章 Dear Clifford, I am afraid what you foresaw has happened. I am really in love with another man, and do hope you will divorce me. I am staying at present with Duncan in his flat. I told you he was at Venice with us. I'm awfully unhappy for your sake: but do try to take it quietly. You don't really need me any more, and I can't bear to come back to Wragby. I'm awfully sorry. But do try to forgive me, and divorce me and find someone better. I'm not really the right person for you, I am too impatient and selfish, I suppose. But I can't ever come back to live with you again. And I feel so frightfully sorry about it all, for your sake. But if you don't let yourself get worked up, you'll see you won't mind so frightfully. You didn't really care about me personally. So do forgive me and get rid of me. 亲爱的克利福德,恐怕你的预言确已成真。我真的爱上另一个男人,并希望你能跟我离婚。目前,我在邓肯家暂住。我告诉过你,他跟我们共游威尼斯。我很替你难过,可请务必心平气和地接受此事。你实际上已经不再需要我,而我也无法容忍重返拉格比。我真的充满歉意。可请你宽恕我,跟我离婚,找个比我更好的女人。我想我真的不适合你,性格过于急躁自私。可我再也无法回到你的身边。对于你,我真的感觉非常抱歉。但如果平心静气地考虑这件事,你就会发觉没有什么了不得的。你其实并不真的在乎我。既然如此,就请原谅我,抛弃我吧。 Clifford was not INWARDLY surprised to get this letter. Inwardly, he had known for a long time she was leaving him. But he had absolutely refused any outward admission of it. Therefore, outwardly, it came as the most terrible blow and shock to him. He had kept the surface of his confidence in her quite serene. And that is how we are. By strength of will we cut of our inner intuitive knowledge from admitted consciousness. This causes a state of dread, or apprehension, which makes the blow ten times worse when it does fall. 接到这封信,克利福德内心并没感到惊讶。在心里,他早就知道她会弃他而去。但在表面上,他坚决拒绝承认此事。因此,从表面看来,这封信对他而言,简直就是晴天霹雳。他外表上对于妻子的信任还是默契安稳的。我们都是这种样子。用意志力切断内心的知觉,拒绝承认已经发生的事实。这往往会引起某种惊恐忧惧的状态,当打击降临时,产生的效果比实际的大十倍。 Clifford was like a hysterical child. He gave Mrs. Bolton a terrible shock, sitting up in bed ghastly and blank. 克利福德像个歇斯底里的孩子。他坐在床上,面如死灰,呆若木鸡,这可把博尔顿太太吓坏了。 "Why, Sir Clifford, whatever's the matter?” No answer! She was terrified lest he had had a stroke. She hurried and felt his face, took his pulse. “哎哟,克利福德爵士,您到底是怎么了?”没有反应。她生怕他是患上了中风。她赶紧上前,摸摸他的脸,号号他的脉。 "Is there a pain? Do try and tell me where it hurts you. Do tell me!" No answer! “哪儿疼吗?试着告诉我哪儿疼。请务必告诉我!”没有回答。 "Oh dear, oh dear! Then I'll telephone to Sheffield for Dr Carrington, and Dr Lecky may as well run round straight away.” She was moving to the door, when he said in a hollow tone: "No!" She stopped and gazed at him. His face was yellow, blank, and like the face of an idiot. “噢,天呢,噢,神呀!我往谢菲尔德打电话,请卡林顿大夫过来,请莱基大夫也赶紧过来。”她急冲冲直奔大门而去,这时听到他沉闷的声音说:“不!”她停住脚步,转头看着他。他脸色蜡黄,眼神呆滞,活像个白痴。 "Do you mean you'd rather I didn't fetch the doctor?” "Yes! I don't want him," came the sepulchral voice. “您不想让我请医生来吗?”“对!我不需要医生。”他的声音似乎从坟墓中传来。 "Oh, but Sir Clifford, you're ill, and I daren't take the responsibility. I must send for the doctor, or I shall be blamed.” A pause: then the hollow voice said: "I'm not ill. My wife isn't coming back.”— It was as if an image spoke. “噢,可克利福德爵士,您贵体有恙,这责任我可承担不起。我可得派人去请医生来,不然大家会埋怨我失职的。”片刻的沉默之后,那空洞的声音再度响起:“我没生病。我妻子不回来了。”——好像是雕像在开口说话。 "Not coming back? you mean her ladyship?" Mrs. Bolton moved a little nearer to the bed. "Oh, don't you believe it. You can trust her ladyship to come back.” The image in the bed did not change, but it pushed a letter over the counterpane. “不回来了?你是说从男爵夫人?”博尔顿太太往床边凑了凑。“噢,您别相信那些鬼话。你请放宽心,夫人保准会回来的。”床上的雕像丝毫没有动容,只是将一封信推过床单。 "Read it!" said the sepulchral voice. “读吧!”还是那鬼魅般的声音。 "Why, if it's a letter from her ladyship, I'm sure her ladyship wouldn't want me to read her letter to you, Sir Clifford. You can tell me what she says, if you wish.” "Read it!" repeated the voice. “哎呀,要是夫人来的信,我相信她不会愿意我担任读信的角色,克利福德爵士。如果您愿意的话,不妨告诉我其中的内容。”“读吧!”那声音再次响起。 "Why, if I must, I do it to obey you, Sir Clifford," she said. And she read the letter. “呃,您非要我读的话,我只好从命,克利福德爵士。”她说。她读完了康妮的来信。 "Well, I am surprised at her ladyship," she said. "She promised so faithfully she'd come back!” The face in the bed seemed to deepen its expression of wild, but motionless distraction. Mrs. Bolton looked at it and was worried. She knew what she was up against: male hysteria. She had not nursed soldiers without learning something about that very unpleasant disease. “唉,夫人的做法真让我惊讶。”她说。“她曾经那样坚定,信誓旦旦地说会回到您身边!”那塑像般凝注的面孔变得更加狂乱,更加心神不宁。博尔顿太太目睹这一切,心里担心不已。她已经明晰自己将要面对怎样的状况:歇斯底里的男人。她以前照料伤兵的时候,就曾对这种狂躁的癔病略知一二。 She was a little impatient of Sir Clifford. Any man in his senses must have known his wife was in love with somebody else, and was going to leave him. Even, she was sure, Sir Clifford was inwardly absolutely aware of it, only he wouldn't admit it to himself. If he would have admitted it, and prepared himself for it: or if he would have admitted it, and actively struggled with his wife against it: that would have been acting like a man. But no! he knew it, and all the time tried to kid himself it wasn't so. 她渐渐对克利福德失去耐心。只要头脑清醒,任何男人都会清楚自己的妻子已经爱上别人,将要弃他而去。当然,她也晓得,其实克利福德心里如同明镜一般,只是不愿向自己承认而已。如果他早点承认现实,早些做好准备,或者积极行动起来,尽量避免这种情况的发生,那样做才像是大丈夫所为。但他恰恰相反!他心里比谁都明白,却总在欺哄自己,说事实并非如此。 He felt the devil twisting his tail, and pretended it was the angels smiling on him. This state of falsity had now brought on that crisis of falsity and dislocation, hysteria, which is a form of insanity. "It comes", she thought to herself, hating him a little, "because he always thinks of himself. He's so wrapped up in his own immortal self, that when he does get a shock he's like a mummy tangled in its own bandages. Look at him!” But hysteria is dangerous: and she was a nurse, it was her duty to pull him out. Any attempt to rouse his manhood and his pride would only make him worse: for his manhood was dead, temporarily if not finally. He would only squirm softer and softer, like a worm, and become more dislocated. 他清楚恶魔已经翘起尾巴,却假装是天使在朝他微笑。如今,他的伪善终于引发了危机,造成无法挽回的混乱局面,陷入了歇斯底里,近似癫狂的精神状态。“该来的总会来,”她心里恨恨地想,“因为他只想着自己。他全身心沉浸在不朽的自我意识中,而遭遇重创时,他就像个木乃伊,将自己紧紧裹在绷带里。看看他那副德行!”但这种狂躁的癔病终归是危险的,既然她扮演着看护的角色,就有责任帮他渡过难关。试图激起他的丈夫气概和自尊心,只会让情况变得更糟。因为他的男子气概早已丧失殆尽,即使并非永久消失,至少现在半点也看不出。他只会像只虫子,不停地蠕动,越变越软,情况则会变得更加无法收拾。 The only thing was to release his self-pity. Like the lady in Tennyson, he must weep or he must die. 唯一的办法就是让他释放出自怜的情感。就像丁尼生(注:1809-1892,英国诗人)笔下的贵妇,要么痛快哭一场,要么干脆活不成。 So Mrs. Bolton began to weep first. She covered her face with her hand and burst into little wild sobs. "I would never have believed it of her ladyship, I wouldn't!” She wept, suddenly summoning up all her old grief and sense of woe, and weeping the tears of her own bitter chagrin. Once she started, her weeping was genuine enough, for she had had something to weep for. 拿定主意,博尔顿太太自己先掉下泪来。她只手掩面,呜咽起来。“我真没想到夫人能如此绝情,真的无法相信!”她抽泣着,旧日的种种忧伤悲苦瞬间涌上心头,她的泪水为自己的不幸过往而流。一旦抽搭起来,便是如泣如诉,肝肠寸断,因为她确有悲切的理由。 Clifford thought of the way he had been betrayed by the woman Connie, and in a contagion of grief, tears filled his eyes and began to run down his cheeks. He was weeping for himself. Mrs. Bolton, as soon as she saw the tears running over his blank face, hastily wiped her own wet cheeks on her little handkerchief, and leaned towards him. 想起自己如何被那个叫做康妮的婆娘背弃,又被博尔顿太太的哀伤情绪所感染,克利福德不禁泪水盈满眼眶,扑簌簌顺着脸颊滑落。他是为自己而哭泣。一见到泪水从他那失神的脸上滚落,博尔顿太太连忙抄起小手帕,拭干自己的眼泪,靠过去安慰克利福德。 "Now, don't you fret, Sir Clifford!” She said, in a luxury of emotion. "Now, don't you fret, don't, you'll only do yourself an injury!” His body shivered suddenly in an indrawn breath of silent sobbing, and the tears ran quicker down his face. She laid her hand on his arm, and her own tears fell again. Again the shiver went through him, like a convulsion, and she laid her arm round his shoulder. "There, there! There, there! Don't you fret, then, don't you! Don't you fret!" she moaned to him, while her own tears fell. “别难过了,克利福德爵士!”她满怀深情地劝慰道。“别难过了,这样下去,只会伤了自己的身子!”他深吸一口气,忍住悲声,身体颤抖起来,泪水流得更急了。她揽住他的臂膀,陪着他一起落泪。战栗再度传遍他的身体,如同痉挛一般,她搂住他的肩膀。“好啦,好啦!好啦,好啦!别难过了,好吗?别再难过了!”她边哭,边悲切地劝慰着他。 And she drew him to her, and held her arms round his great shoulders, while he laid his face on her bosom and sobbed, shaking and hulking his huge shoulders, whilst she softly stroked his dusky blond hair and said: "There! There! There! There then! There then! Never you mind! Never you mind, then!" And he put his arms round her and clung to her like a child, wetting the bib of her starched white apron, and the bosom of her pale blue cotton dress, with his tears. He had let himself go altogether, at last. 然后,她将他拉入怀中,两臂抱住他宽厚的双肩,而他将脸埋进她的胸膛,不停抽泣,肩膀颤抖着,起伏着。她轻柔地抚摸着他淡金色的发丝,说:“好啦!好啦!好啦!别伤心了!别伤心了!没关系的!没关系的!”他搂着她,孩子似的依偎在她怀里,她浆硬白围裙的围兜处,还有淡蓝色棉衣的胸口处,全被他的泪水沾湿。他终于彻底释放出自己的情感。 So at length she kissed him, and rocked him on her bosom, and in her heart she said to herself: "Oh, Sir Clifford! Oh, high and mighty Chatterleys! Is this what you've come down to!” And finally he even went to sleep, like a child. And she felt worn out, and went to her own room, where she laughed and cried at once, with a hysteria of her own. It was so ridiculous! It was so awful! Such a comedown! So shameful! And it was so upsetting as well. 过了一会儿,她亲吻着他,摇晃着自己怀里的大男孩,可在心里却暗暗念叨着:“噢,克利福德爵士!噢,趾高气昂的查泰莱家族!你们终于也有今天!”最后,他甚至像个婴孩似的进入梦乡。而她却感觉精疲力竭,回到自己的房间,歇斯底里地又是哭又是笑。太可笑了!太可怕了!他们也有今天的下场!太丢脸了!也太狼狈了! After this, Clifford became like a child with Mrs. Bolton. He would hold her hand, and rest his head on her breast, and when she once lightly kissed him, he said! "Yes! Do kiss me! Do kiss me!" And when she sponged his great blond body, he would say the same! "Do kiss me!" and she would lightly kiss his body, anywhere, half in mockery. 自打那天后,克利福德和博尔顿太太单独相处时,就变成地道的婴孩。他喜欢握住她的手,把头探进她的怀里,当她送上轻吻,他则会说:“是的!吻我吧!吻我吧!”当她用海绵擦拭着他白皙伟岸的身躯,他也会说同样的话!“吻我吧!”而她则会吻遍他的身体,半带嘲弄地吻着。 And he lay with a queer, blank face like a child, with a bit of the wonderment of a child. And he would gaze on her with wide, childish eyes, in a relaxation of madonna worship. It was sheer relaxation on his part, letting go all his manhood, and sinking back to a childish position that was really perverse. And then he would put his hand into her bosom and feel her breasts, and kiss them in exultation, the exultation of perversity, of being a child when he was a man. 他躺在床上,脸上的表情如同孩子般古怪茫然,甚至闪烁着好奇的神色。他会睁大眼睛注视着她,松弛于对圣母的崇拜中。他完全卸去自己的防卫,抛却所有男人的尊严,堕回到乖戾的孩提时代。他会把手伸进她的怀里,抚摸着她的乳房,疯狂地亲吻着它们,体验着从男人变回男孩的错乱情感。 Mrs. Bolton was both thrilled and ashamed, she both loved and hated it. Yet she never rebuffed nor rebuked him. And they drew into a closer physical intimacy, an intimacy of perversity, when he was a child stricken with an apparent candour and an apparent wonderment, that looked almost like a religious exaltation: the perverse and literal rendering of: "except ye become again as a little child'. While she was the Magna Mater, full of power and potency, having the great blond childman under her will and her stroke entirely. 博尔顿太太又喜又羞,既爱且恨。可她从不会拒绝或是责备他。两人的肉体关系变得更加亲密,这种反常的亲密让他变回孩子,毫不掩饰自己的天真和好奇,几乎可以跟宗教狂热媲美,这似乎是对那句话的曲解:“除非你们再次变成婴儿(注:‘婴儿’出自《圣经·马太福音》)”。而她则变成伟大的圣母玛利亚,拥有无穷的力量,让这个金发大孩子完全臣服于自己的意志和抚爱。 The curious thing was that when this childman, which Clifford was now and which he had been becoming for years, emerged into the world, it was much sharper and keener than the real man he used to be. This perverted childman was now a real businessman; when it was a question of affairs, he was an absolute heman, sharp as a needle, and impervious as a bit of steel. When he was out among men, seeking his own ends, and 'making good' his colliery workings, he had an almost uncanny shrewdness, hardness, and a straight sharp punch. It was as if his very passivity and prostitution to the Magna Mater gave him insight into material business affairs, and lent him a certain remarkable inhuman force. The wallowing in private emotion, the utter abasement of his manly self, seemed to lend him a second nature, cold, almost visionary, businessclever. In business he was quite inhuman. 奇怪的是,克利福德终于结束经年累月的蜕变,以大孩子的形象出现在世间,但却比以往那个男人更加精明敏锐。如今,这个扭曲的大孩子成为真正的业界精英。当涉及到自身的利益,他便成为如假包换的男子汉,敏锐如针,坚硬如钢。当他暂别拉格比,与其他男人角力,为实现既定的目标,为推动自家矿场的发展,他都表现出不可思议的狡黠、冷酷与果敢。似乎是他被动献身于圣母的举动,赋予他对事业发展的敏锐洞察力,获得无人能及的超凡力量。当沉浸在个人感情里,他的男子气概降到冰点,而这反倒让他获得某种第二天性:冷静客观,几乎是高瞻远瞩,精于事业。在事业领域,他的确超凡脱俗。 And in this Mrs. Bolton triumphed. "How he's getting on!” She would say to herself in pride. "And that's my doing! My word, he'd never have got on like this with Lady Chatterley. She was not the one to put a man forward. She wanted too much for herself.” At the same time, in some corner of her weird female soul, how she despised him and hated him! He was to her the fallen beast, the squirming monster. And while she aided and abetted him all she could, away in the remotest corner of her ancient healthy womanhood she despised him with a savage contempt that knew no bounds. The merest tramp was better than he. 对此,博尔顿太太颇为自得。“他多么出色!”她充满自豪地对自己说。“这全是我的功劳!哎哟,查泰来夫人在时,他可从来没这样优秀过。她可不是位好贤内助。她太过自私自利。”而与此同时,在那奇异女性灵魂的某个角落里,她又是那样鄙视和憎恶着他!对她而言,他只不过是头被撂倒的野兽,只知挣扎、坐以待毙的怪物。她竭尽所能地帮助他,鼓励他,而在内心深处,那古老理智的女性本能却对他抱有极端的鄙视和轻蔑。就连最卑微的乞丐都比他强。 His behaviour with regard to Connie was curious. He insisted on seeing her again. He insisted, moreover, on her coming to Wragby. On this point he was finally and absolutely fixed. Connie had promised to come back to Wragby, faithfully. 他对待康妮的态度让人不解。他坚持要再见她一面。而且,他坚持要她回到拉格比。在这一问题上,他是那样的坚定与决绝。康妮曾经信誓旦旦地许诺,保证会重返拉格比。 "But is it any use?" said Mrs. Bolton. "Can't you let her go, and be rid of her?” "No! She said she was coming back, and she's got to come.” Mrs. Bolton opposed him no more. She knew what she was dealing with. “可这又有什么用呢?”博尔顿太太问。“难道您就不能放她走,跟她划清界限吗?”“不!她曾答应过会回来,就必须兑现诺言。”博尔顿太太不再提出反对意见。她深知克利福德的脾气秉性。 I needn't tell you what effect your letter has had on me (he wrote to Connie to London). Perhaps you can imagine it if you try, though no doubt you won't trouble to use your imagination on my behalf. (他给身在伦敦的康妮写信。)你的来信究竟对我造成怎样的影响,我无须向你言明。如果你能站在我的角度设想一下,或许就会心知肚明,但想必你不会设身处地地为我着想,这点毫无疑问。 I can only say one thing in answer: I must see you personally, here at Wragby, before I can do anything. You promised faithfully to come back to Wragby, and I hold you to the promise. I don't believe anything nor understand anything until I see you personally, here under normal circumstances. I needn't tell you that nobody here suspects anything, so your return would be quite normal. Then if you feel, after we have talked things over, that you still remain in the same mind, no doubt we can come to terms. Connie showed this letter to Mellors. 我的答复只需这一句话便能概括:在做出任何行动之前,我必须在拉格比见到你。你曾经信誓旦旦地许诺过要重回拉格比,我希望你履行自己的诺言。除非我能在这里见到你,一如往常,否则我不会相信或理解任何事。我无须向你说明,这里的人都不曾怀疑过什么,所以你的归来是再自然不过的事情。详谈过后,如果你依然不愿改变主意,那么我们会找到解决的方法。康妮把信拿给梅勒斯看。 "He wants to begin his revenge on you," he said, handing the letter back. “他正盘算着如何报复你。”他说完,把信交还给康妮。 Connie was silent. She was somewhat surprised to find that she was afraid of Clifford. She was afraid to go near him. She was afraid of him as if he were evil and dangerous. 康妮默默无语。不知何故,她发现自己居然害怕起克利福德来,这让她感到有些惊讶。她害怕靠近他。她害怕他,好像他是邪恶与危险的化身。 "What shall I do?" she said. “我该怎么办?”她问。 "Nothing, if you don't want to do anything.” She replied, trying to put Clifford off. He answered: If you don't come back to Wragby now, I shall consider that you are coming back one day, and act accordingly. I shall just go on the same, and wait for you here, if I wait for fifty years. She was frightened. This was bullying of an insidious sort. She had no doubt he meant what he said. He would not divorce her, and the child would be his, unless she could find some means of establishing its illegitimacy. “要是不想那样做,就不用理会他。”她回信给克利福德,试图推掉这次会面。他答复说:如果你现在不回拉格比,那么我会认为你总有一天会回来,履行你的诺言。我也将继续等下去,等你回到这里,哪怕等上50年。她显然被他唬住了。这可是种阴险恶毒的恐吓手段。她很清楚他话里的深意。他不会跟她离婚,孩子便将成为他的,除非她能证明其私生子的身份。 After a time of worry and harassment, she decided to go to Wragby. Hilda would go with her. She wrote this to Clifford. He replied: I shall not welcome your sister, but I shall not deny her the door. I have no doubt she has connived at your desertion of your duties and responsibilities, so do not expect me to show pleasure in seeing her. They went to Wragby. Clifford was away when they arrived. Mrs. Bolton received them. 烦恼焦虑过后,她决定去趟拉格比。希尔达愿意跟她同行。她写信告知克利福德。他回信说:我不欢迎你的姐姐,但我也不会将她拒之门外。我深信,你背信弃义的行为得到了她的纵容,因此,别希望我对她笑脸相迎。姐妹俩来到拉格比。恰逢克利福德外出。博尔顿太太出来迎接她们。 "Oh, your Ladyship, it isn't the happy homecoming we hoped for, is it!" she said. “噢,夫人,这可并非我们期待的欣然归来,是吧?”她说。 "Isn't it?" said Connie. “不是吗?”康妮反问。 So this woman knew! How much did the rest of the servants know or suspect? She entered the house, which now she hated with every fibre in her body. The great, rambling mass of a place seemed evil to her, just a menace over her. She was no longer its mistress, she was its victim. 这么说,这女人知道内情!其他的仆人又知道多少,怀着多少疑心呢?她踏进府邸,踏进这座她如今全身心憎恶着的府邸。对她而言,这庞大绵延的建筑似乎异常邪恶,时刻都在威吓着她。她不再是这里的女主人,反倒成为受难者。 "I can't stay long here," she whispered to Hilda, terrified. “我不能多作停留。”她受惊匪浅,低声对希尔达说。 And she suffered going into her own bedroom, reentering into possession as if nothing had happened. She hated every minute inside the Wragby walls. 再次回到自己的卧房,康妮心里依然备受煎熬,她没法再度占据这房间,像什么都没发生一样。在拉格比多呆一分钟,都让她感到厌恶。 They did not meet Clifford till they went down to dinner. He was dressed, and with a black tie: rather reserved, and very much the superior gentleman. He behaved perfectly politely during the meal and kept a polite sort of conversation going: but it seemed all touched with insanity. 下楼吃晚餐的时候,她们才与克利福德碰面。他身着礼服,扎着黑色领结,态度矜持,摆出那副高傲的贵族派头。席间,他的行为举止相当客气,与姐妹俩交谈时也保持着文雅的仪态,但这一切都带着疯狂的色彩。 "How much do the servants know?" asked Connie, when the woman was out of the room. “仆人们都知道多少?”趁博尔顿太太离开餐厅,康妮问。 "Of your intentions? Nothing whatsoever." "Mrs. Bolton knows." He changed colour. “关于你的打算?我从未透露半句。”“博尔顿太太却了解内情。”他颜色更变。 "Mrs. Bolton is not exactly one of the servants," he said. “准确的说,博尔顿太太并不属于仆人。”他说。 "Oh, I don't mind.” There was tension till after coffee, when Hilda said she would go up to her room. “哦,我不会介意的。”剑拔弩张的气氛一直持续到用过咖啡,希尔达说要回房休息。 Clifford and Connie sat in silence when she had gone. Neither would begin to speak. Connie was so glad that he wasn't taking the pathetic line, she kept him up to as much haughtiness as possible. She just sat silent and looked down at her hands. 她离开以后,克利福德和康妮默默对坐。没人愿意首先打破僵局。他没有哭天抹泪,这让康妮感觉很欣慰,她始终配合着,使他尽量保持着趾高气昂的态度。她只是静静坐着,垂首望着自己的双手。 "I suppose you don't at all mind having gone back on your word?" he said at last. “我希望你能收回自己说过的话。”他终于先开口。 "I can't help it," she murmured. “我办不到。”她低声答道。 "But if you can't, who can?” "I suppose nobody." He looked at her with curious cold rage. He was used to her. She was as it were embedded in his will. How dared she now go back on him, and destroy the fabric of his daily existence? How dared she try to cause this derangement of his personality? "And for WHAT do you want to go back on everything?" he insisted. “可如果你做不到,谁能呢?”“没人能做到这一点。”他瞪着她,恼羞成怒的样子让人不寒而栗。他习惯了她的存在。她就像深植于他自我意识之中。可现在,她怎么敢背弃他,破坏他正常的生活秩序呢?她怎么敢做出扰乱他人格的事呢?“到底是什么原因,让你选择了背叛?”他执着地想要知道答案。 "Love!" she said. It was best to be hackneyed. “爱情!”她回答。这理由虽说老套,但却是敷衍搪塞的好招数。 "Love of Duncan Forbes? But you didn't think that worth having, when you met me. Do you mean to say you now love him better than anything else in life?” "One changes," she said. “对邓肯·福布斯的爱?但当年你遇到我的时候,并不认为他值得去爱。难道你的意思是,此刻你对他的爱超越一切?”“人是会变的。”她说。 "Possibly! Possibly you may have whims. But you still have to convince me of the importance of the change. I merely don't believe in your love of Duncan Forbes.” "But why should you believe in it? You have only to divorce me, not to believe in my feelings.” "And why should I divorce you?" "Because I don't want to live here any more. And you really don't want me.” "Pardon me! I don't change. For my part, since you are my wife, I should prefer that you should stay under my roof in dignity and quiet. Leaving aside personal feelings, and I assure you, on my part it is leaving aside a great deal, it is bitter as death to me to have this order of life broken up, here in Wragby, and the decent round of daily life smashed, just for some whim of yours.” After a time of silence she said: "I can't help it. I've got to go. I expect I shall have a child.” He too was silent for a time. “或许!或许你的确反复无常。可你必须说服我,让我相信这种改变的意义所在。我无法相信你会爱上邓肯·福布斯。”“可你为何要相信这些呢?你只需要跟我离婚,不必相信我的感情。”“我为什么要跟你离婚?”“因为我不希望继续生活在这里。你也不再需要我。”“你错了!我从未改变。在我看来,既然你是我的妻子,就应该安坐家中,安安静静,体体面面。暂且把个人感情放在一边,我可以向你保证,我已将感情的事尽数抛开。只因为你的朝三暮四,就将拉格比的生活秩序完全破坏,将这种体面的生活状态彻底摧毁,对我而言,简直跟死没什么两样。”沉默片刻,她说:“我无能为力。我必须离开。我希望有个孩子。”他同样陷入沉默。 "And is it for the child's sake you must go?" he asked at length. “你决意离开,是因为孩子的缘故?”他问。 She nodded. 她点点头。 "And why? Is Duncan Forbes so keen on his spawn?" "Surely keener than you would be," she said. “可为什么?难道邓肯·福布斯如此珍视自己的孽种?”“无疑比你珍视得多。”她说。 "But really? I want my wife, and I see no reason for letting her go. If she likes to bear a child under my roof, she is welcome, and the child is welcome: provided that the decency and order of life is preserved. Do you mean to tell me that Duncan Forbes has a greater hold over you? I don't believe it.” There was a pause. “此话当真?我需要我的妻子,我没理由眼睁睁看她离开。如果她愿意在我的屋檐下生下孩子,我会赞成她这样做,并真心接纳孩子,只要行为准则不被破坏,生活秩序得以存续。你的意思是,邓肯·福布斯对你更具吸引力?我实在难以相信。”沉默又一次降临。 "But don't you see," said Connie. "I must go away from you, and I must live with the man I love.” "No, I don't see it! I don't give tuppence for your love, nor for the man you love. I don't believe in that sort of cant.” "But you see, I do." "Do you? My dear Madam, you are too intelligent, I assure you, to believe in your own love for Duncan Forbes. Believe me, even now you really care more for me. So why should I give in to such nonsense!" “可你难道还不理解,”康妮说,“我必须离开你,跟我爱的人长相厮守。”“对,我确实无法理解!我才不在乎你的爱情,也不会把你的情郎放在眼里。我更不相信你连篇的鬼话。”“可你知道,这恰恰是我在乎的。”“是吗?亲爱的夫人,我深信,你是那样的聪颖明慧,根本不可能相信自己会爱上邓肯·福布斯。相信我,就算此时此刻,你心里在乎的依然是我。因此,我为何要相信那些胡言乱语!” She felt he was right there. And she felt she could keep silent no longer. 她感觉他的话确有道理。她感觉自己再也无法遮遮掩掩。 "Because it isn't Duncan that I do love," she said, looking up at him. “因为我爱的根本不是邓肯。”她说着,抬起头望着他。 "We only said it was Duncan, to spare your feelings." "To spare my feelings?" "Yes! Because who I really love, and it'll make you hate me, is Mr. Mellors, who was our gamekeeper here.” If he could have sprung out of his chair, he would have done so. His face went yellow, and his eyes bulged with disaster as he glared at her. “我们拿邓肯当作挡箭牌,只是为了照顾你的情绪。”“照顾我的情绪?”“没错!因为如果我说出自己真正爱的人,你一定会恨我,他就是梅勒斯先生,我们曾经的守林人。”如果他能做到的话,早已从轮椅上跳起来。他的脸气得蜡黄,眼睛努出框外,死死瞪着她。 Then he dropped back in the chair, gasping and looking up at the ceiling. 然后,他跌回到轮椅里,气喘吁吁地望着天花板。 At length he sat up. 他终于坐起身来。 "Do you mean to say you re telling me the truth?" he asked, looking gruesome. “你没有骗我吧?”他问,脸色狰狞。 "Yes! You know I am." "And when did you begin with him?" "In the spring." He was silent like some beast in a trap. “没有!你知道我没说假话。”“你们什么时候开始的?”“春天。”他声息皆无,好像堕入陷阱的困兽。 "And it was you, then, in the bedroom at the cottage?” So he had really inwardly known all the time. “这么说,在农舍过夜的就是你了?”其实他心里始终清如明镜。 "Yes!" He still leaned forward in his chair, gazing at her like a cornered beast. “没错!”他坐在轮椅里,身体向前探出,目不转睛地盯着她,好像被逼至绝路的野兽。 "My God, you ought to be wiped off the face of the earth!" "Why?" she ejaculated faintly. “上帝啊,真应该将你们这种奸夫淫妇斩尽诛绝!”“为什么?”她有气无力地说。 But he seemed not to hear. 但他似乎没有听到她的话。 "That scum! That bumptious lout! That miserable cad! And carrying on with him all the time, while you were here and he was one of my servants! My God, my God, is there any end to the beastly lowness of women!" He was beside himself with rage, as she knew he would be. “那人渣!那傲慢无礼的蠢货!那卑劣无耻的无赖!你居然始终与他偷情,与我的仆人私通!上帝啊,上帝啊,女人下贱起来真的无法想象,简直连禽兽都不如!”他已经出离愤怒,这点她早已料想到。 "And you mean to say you want to have a child to a cad like that?" "Yes! I'm going to.” "You're going to! You mean you're sure! How long have you been sure?” "Since June." He was speechless, and the queer blank look of a child came over him again. “难道你想给这样的无赖生孩子?”“没错!我会这样做的。”“你会这样做!你是说这已是既成事实!这是什么时候的事?”“六月份。”他无话可说,那种孩子般的古怪而茫然的表情再次浮现。 "You'd wonder," he said at last, "that such beings were ever allowed to be born." "What beings?" she asked. “多么奇怪,”最后他说,“这种东西也会被容许来到世上。”“什么东西?”她问。 He looked at her weirdly, without an answer. It was obvious, he couldn't even accept the fact of the existence of Mellors, in any connexion with his own life. It was sheer, unspeakable, impotent hate. 他望着她,表情怪异,没有作答。他显然无法接受梅勒斯的存在,无法承认区区守林人踏足他的生活。这种赤裸裸的仇恨无法言喻,但却也于事无补。 "And do you mean to say you'd marry him?—and bear his foul name?" he asked at length. “你甚至愿意嫁给他?——接受他那肮脏的姓氏?”沉默良久,他问。 "Yes, that's what I want.” He was again as if dumbfounded. “没错,那正是我所希望的。”他再次呆若木鸡。 "Yes!" he said at last. "That proves that what I've always thought about you is correct: you're not normal, you're not in your right senses. You're one of those halfinsane, perverted women who must run after depravity, the nostalgie de la boue.” Suddenly he had become almost wistfully moral, seeing himself the incarnation of good, and people like Mellors and Connie the incarnation of mud, of evil. He seemed to be growing vague, inside a nimbus. “好吧!”他得出结论,“这足以证实我长久以来对你的看法:你是个变态的婆娘,已经失去理智。你是个下流无耻的疯女人,以追求堕落的生活为能事,对污秽的东西念念不忘。”霎时间,他几乎变成道德的化身,觉得自己是正义的代表,而梅勒斯康妮之流则是低贱与邪恶的典型。他面无表情,好像头顶着圣洁的灵光。 "So don't you think you'd better divorce me and have done with it?" she said. “那么,你还是跟我离婚,彻底了结此事吧?”她提议道。 "No! You can go where you like, but I shan't divorce you," he said idiotically. “没门!你想去哪儿,就去哪儿吧,但我不会跟你离婚。”他的话好像白痴的呓语。 "Why not?" He was silent, in the silence of imbecile obstinacy. “为什么不行?”他默默不言,痴傻呆捏,愚顽固陋。 "Would you even let the child be legally yours, and your heir?" she said. “难道你想要这孩子成为你的子嗣和继承人?”她问。 "I care nothing about the child." "But if it's a boy it will be legally your son, and it will inherit your title, and have Wragby.” "I care nothing about that," he said. “我不在乎那孩子。”“可如果是个男孩,他就将成为你的子嗣,继承你的爵位,并拥有拉格比的一切。”“我不关心这些。”他说。 "But you MUST! I shall prevent the child from being legally yours, if I can. I'd so much rather it were illegitimate, and mine: if it can't be Mellors.” "Do as you like about that." He was immovable. “可你必须关心!如果可能的话,我会尽力阻止这孩子成为你的继承人。我宁愿他背着私生子的恶名,即便不能属于梅勒斯,至少也属于我自己。”“随你怎么做。”他丝毫不为所动。 "And won't you divorce me?" she said. "You can use Duncan as a pretext! There'd be no need to bring in the real name. Duncan doesn't mind.” "I shall never divorce you," he said, as if a nail had been driven in. “你真的不愿跟我离婚吗?”她问。“你可以拿邓肯做遮羞布!没必要提及真名实性。邓肯不介意这样做。”“我绝不会跟你离婚。”他的语气斩钉截铁,不容置疑。 "But why? Because I want you to?" "Because I follow my own inclination, and I'm not inclined to.” It was useless. She went upstairs and told Hilda the upshot. “可为什么?就因为我希望你这样做?”“因为我要依照自己的意愿行事,我不打算这么做。”再劝也是无益。她上楼去,将结果告诉希尔达。 "Better get away tomorrow," said Hilda, "and let him come to his senses." So Connie spent half the night packing her really private and personal effects. In the morning she had her trunks sent to the station, without telling Clifford. She decided to see him only to say goodbye, before lunch. “最好明天就起身,”希尔达说,“让他冷静一下。”于是,康妮收拾好自己的私人财物,一直忙到半夜。次日清晨,她瞒着克利福德,派人把自己的行李箱送去火车站。她决定在午餐前见他一面,为的只是道别。 But she spoke to Mrs. Bolton. 可她却对博尔顿太太说明一切。 "I must say goodbye to you, Mrs. Bolton, you know why. But I can trust you not to talk." "Oh, you can trust me, your Ladyship, though it's a sad blow for us here, indeed. But I hope you'll be happy with the other gentleman.” "The other gentleman! It's Mr. Mellors, and I care for him. Sir Clifford knows. But don't say anything to anybody. And if one day you think Sir Clifford may be willing to divorce me, let me know, will you? I should like to be properly married to the man I care for.” "I'm sure you would, my Lady. Oh, you can trust me. I'll be faithful to Sir Clifford, and I'll be faithful to you, for I can see you're both right in your own ways.” "Thank you! And look! I want to give you this—may I?” So Connie left Wragby once more, and went on with Hilda to Scotland. Mellors went into the country and got work on a farm. The idea was, he should get his divorce, if possible, whether Connie got hers or not. And for six months he should work at farming, so that eventually he and Connie could have some small farm of their own, into which he could put his energy. For he would have to have some work, even hard work, to do, and he would have to make his own living, even if her capital started him. “我得跟你告辞了,博尔顿太太,原因你很清楚。但我相信你不会告诉任何人。”“噢,您尽可以相信我,夫人,虽然这会让大家都很难过。但我希望您和那位绅士能够得到幸福。”“那位绅士!他就是梅勒斯先生,我深爱着他。克利福德爵士早就知情。但不要跟任何人提起。要是有朝一日,你发觉克利福德爵士想通了,愿意跟我离婚,请务必告诉我,好吗?我希望堂堂正正地嫁给心爱的人。”“我保证您会如愿以偿,夫人。噢,您可以信任我。我会忠于克利福德爵士,也会忠于您,因为我理解你们的决定,虽然目的不同,但各有各的道理。”“谢谢!你瞧!我希望你能接受我的谢礼——好吗?”于是,康妮再度告别拉格比,与希尔达奔赴苏格兰。梅勒斯去了乡下,在农场找到工作。两人的打算是,无论康妮能否办妥离婚,他都要了结与库茨的关系。他要先做六个月农活,最终,他和康妮或许将拥有属于自己的小农场,这样一来,他的干劲就派得上用场了。因为他必须工作,即使是体力活;虽然康妮会出资帮他开个好头,但他必须要自力更生。 So they would have to wait till spring was in, till the baby was born, till the early summer came round again. 于是,他们静静等待着春天的降临,等待着孩子的出世,等待着初夏悄然而至。 The Grange Farm Old Heanor 29 September I got on here with a bit of contriving, because I knew Richards, the company engineer, in the army. It is a farm belonging to Butler and Smitham Colliery Company, they use it for raising hay and oats for the pitponies; not a private concern. But they've got cows and pigs and all the rest of it, and I get thirty shillings a week as labourer. Rowley, the farmer, puts me on to as many jobs as he can, so that I can learn as much as possible between now and next Easter. I've not heard a thing about Bertha. I've no idea why she didn't show up at the divorce, nor where she is nor what she's up to. But if I keep quiet till March I suppose I shall be free. And don't you bother about Sir Clifford. He'll want to get rid of you one of these days. If he leaves you alone, it's a lot. 格兰奇农场,奥尔德希诺,9月29日经过努力,我总算在这里安定下来,这得益于老战友理查兹,目前他在这家公司做工程师。这座农场并非个人拥有,而是属于巴特勒和史密斯煤矿公司,用于种植牧草及燕麦,以饲养矿场里劳作的小马。除此之外,这里还养着猪、牛等其他家畜,我在这里做工人,每周的工资是30先令。农场经理罗利派给我尽可能多的工作,这样一来,我就能利用复活节前的时间,学到尽可能多的东西。至于贝莎的消息,我从未听闻。我不晓得,她为何不在离婚案中露面,更不晓得她躲在哪里,在搞什么鬼把戏。但只要我能清静到三月份,就能重获自由了。而你也不必为克利福德的事烦恼。终有一天,他会主动跟你分手。如果他不再纠缠不休,就已经谢天谢地。 I've got lodging in a bit of an old cottage in Engine Row very decent. The man is enginedriver at High Park, tall, with a beard, and very chapel. The woman is a birdy bit of a thing who loves anything superior. King's English and allow me! all the time. But they lost their only son in the war, and it's sort of knocked a hole in them. There's a long gawky lass of a daughter training for a schoolteacher, and I help her with her lessons sometimes, so we're quite the family. But they're very decent people, and only too kind to me. I expect I'm more coddled than you are. 我寄宿在一座不赖的老式农舍,位于机车路。房东是海帕克的火车司机,身材高大,蓄须,是位虔诚的教徒。其妻如鸟儿般活泼好动,热衷于所有高品位的东西。满嘴说的都是标准英语,口头禅是请允许我!但两人唯一的儿子在战争中殒命,这简直像剜去他们的心肝。好在他们还有个女儿,身材细高,个性腼腆,正在参加培训,希望成为教员。我有时会帮她补习功课,跟他们处得好像一家人。他们都是正派人,对我更是无微不至。我猜此刻的自己确实比你幸运得多。 I like farming all right. It's not inspiring, but then I don't ask to be inspired. I'm used to horses, and cows, though they are very female, have a soothing effect on me. When I sit with my head in her side, milking, I feel very solaced. They have six rather fine Herefords. Oatharvest is just over and I enjoyed it, in spite of sore hands and a lot of rain. I don't take much notice of people, but get on with them all right. Most things one just ignores. 农场的活计还算不错。虽说有些提不起兴趣,但我也不寄望这些。我过去习惯跟马匹打交道,而奶牛虽然是雌性动物,但仍能给我带来慰藉。坐在乳牛身旁挤奶的时候,我总会把头靠在它们身上,这让我感觉很平静。农场拥有六只膘肥肉厚的赫里福德牛。燕麦收获季刚刚结束,虽然两手伤痕累累,阴雨连绵,但我还挺享受收割的乐趣。我跟这里的人打交道不多,但也相处融洽。无需因不相干的事情浪费精力。 The pits are working badly; this is a colliery district like Tevershall. Only prettier. I sometimes sit in the Wellington and talk to the men. They grumble a lot, but they're not going to alter anything. As everybody says, the NottsDerby miners have got their hearts in the right place. But the rest of their anatomy must be in the wrong place, in a world that has no use for them. I like them, but they don't cheer me much: not enough of the old fightingcock in them. They talk a lot about nationalization, nationalization of royalties, nationalization of the whole industry. But you can't nationalize coal and leave all the other industries as they are. They talk about putting coal to new uses, like Sir Clifford is trying to do. It may work here and there, but not as a general thing. I doubt. Whatever you make you've got to sell it. The men are very apathetic. They feel the whole damned thing is doomed, and I believe it is. And they are doomed along with it. Some of the young ones spout about a Soviet, but there's not much conviction in them. There's no sort of conviction about anything, except that it's all a muddle and a hole. Even under a Soviet you've still got to sell coal: and that's the difficulty. 这里也像特弗沙尔一样,是个煤矿区,但矿场都不太景气。只不过更为美观。有时候,我会去惠灵顿酒馆,跟矿工们攀谈。他们牢骚满腹,但却不愿去改变什么。大家都说,诺丁汉到德比这片区域的矿工都心肠不坏。但其他器官却肯定都安错了位置,根本派不上什么用场。我喜欢跟他们谈天说地,但这些家伙缺少旧日雄鸡的斗志,很难让我热血沸腾。他们谈到国有化问题,说起开采权乃至整个采矿业的国有化。但总不能将煤矿全部纳入国有化范畴,而任其他行业自生自灭。他们期待研发出煤炭的新用途,这跟克利福德爵士的想法相似。在某些地方或许行得通,但很难放诸四海而皆准。我对此深表怀疑。不管将煤炭转化为何种能源,但卖得出去才是硬道理。矿工们都缺乏干劲儿。他们觉得一切都是劫数难逃,我也有同感。而他们同样难脱宿命。部分小伙子滔滔不绝地谈论着苏维埃,但他们对这种新政体也没有多少信心。他们对什么都缺乏信心,只知道自己深陷困境,进退两难。就算建立苏维埃政体,煤还是得卖出去,这才是症结所在。 We've got this great industrial population, and they've got to be fed, so the damn show has to be kept going somehow. The women talk a lot more than the men, nowadays, and they are a sight more cocksure. The men are limp, they feel a doom somewhere, and they go about as if there was nothing to be done. Anyhow, nobody knows what should be done in spite of all the talk, the young ones get mad because they've no money to spend. Their whole life depends on spending money, and now they've got none to spend. That's our civilization and our education: bring up the masses to depend entirely on spending money, and then the money gives out. The pits are working two days, two and a half days a week, and there's no sign of betterment even for the winter. It means a man bringing up a family on twentyfive and thirty shillings. The women are the maddest of all. But then they're the maddest for spending, nowadays. 目前的工业人口如此庞大,无数张嘴等着吃饭,因此,这该死的西洋景还得继续下去。女人比男人更敢于表达自己的观点,而且如今她们比男人自信得多。男人往往打不起精神,深感大难即将临头,只是得过且过,仿佛已无挽回的余地。虽然发表意见时都争先恐后,但没人知道到底该做些什么,年轻人渐渐陷入癫狂,因为他们已经囊中空空。他们生活的全部都取决于金钱,而如今他们已经一贫如洗。这恰恰是人类文明和教育所倡导的,将大众的生活完全建构于金钱之上,而现在金钱却已消耗殆尽。矿坑每周只开两天或者两天半的工,即使冬天来临,也没有丝毫好转的迹象。这就意味着男人养家糊口的钱只有25到30先令。女人本就是最为疯狂的动物。但现在,最令她们发疯的是无钱可花。 If you could only tell them that living and spending isn't the same thing! But it's no good. If only they were educated to live instead of earn and spend, they could manage very happily on twentyfive shillings. If the men wore scarlet trousers as I said, they wouldn't think so much of money: if they could dance and hop and skip, and sing and swagger and be handsome, they could do with very little cash. And amuse the women themselves, and be amused by the women. They ought to learn to be naked and handsome, and to sing in a mass and dance the old group dances, and carve the stools they sit on, and embroider their own emblems. Then they wouldn't need money. And that's the only way to solve the industrial problem: train the people to be able to live and live in handsomeness, without needing to spend. But you can't do it. They're all onetrack minds nowadays. Whereas the mass of people oughtn't even to try to think, because they can't. They should be alive and frisky, and acknowledge the great god Pan. He's the only god for the masses, forever. The few can go in for higher cults if they like. But let the mass be forever pagan. 真应该告诉他们生活与花钱并非一码事!但这显然毫无用处。如果现行的教育能够告诉人们如何生活,而不是怎样挣钱和花钱,那么25先令就足够他们过得快快乐乐。如果男人们像我说的那样,穿上鲜红的裤子,他们就不会总把金钱放在心上。如果他们能够起舞欢歌,昂首阔步,打扮得风流倜傥,即使囊中羞涩,也会过得充实满足。男人要学会取悦女人,同样享受女人带来的幸福。他们理应学会丢掉伪装,变得潇洒漂亮,齐声高歌,携手同跳古老的舞蹈,自己雕刻矮凳,绣出民族的图腾。这样的话,他们便不再需要金钱。解决工业疑难的唯一途径,是教会人们如何生活,如何潇洒的生活,而无需因金钱而苦恼。可这显然只是天方夜谭。现在的人脑袋都是一根筋。然而平民百姓甚至不应该尝试去思考,因为这对他们而言,是无法完成的任务。他们应该过着充实愉快的生活,对伟大的神祗潘(注:希腊神话中的畜牧神)心怀崇敬。他是唯一为百姓存在的神灵,且永远为劳苦大众着想。至于少数人,如果他们愿意,尽可以去对其他神通广大的神祗顶礼膜拜。可让劳苦大众远离基督教的荼毒吧。 But the colliers aren't pagan, far from it. They're a sad lot, a deadened lot of men: dead to their women, dead to life. The young ones scoot about on motorbikes with girls, and jazz when they get a chance, but they're very dead. And it needs money. Money poisons you when you've got it, and starves you when you haven't. 可矿工们连异教徒都算不得。他们只是些无可救药的可怜虫,半死不活,在女人面前毫无男子气概,对于生命同样麻木不仁。年轻小伙儿们逮到机会,便骑着摩托车,载着姑娘出去兜风,大跳爵士舞。可在他们身上,却寻不到半点生气。而寻欢作乐需要金钱作为基础。有钱时便遭其荼毒,无钱时则只能挨饿。 I'm sure you're sick of all this. But I don't want to harp on myself, and I've nothing happening to me. I don't like to think too much about you, in my head, that only makes a mess of us both. But, of course, what I live for now is for you and me to live together. I'm frightened, really. I feel the devil in the air, and he'll try to get us. Or not the devil, Mammon: which I think, after all, is only the masswill of people, wanting money and hating life. Anyhow, I feel great grasping white hands in the air, wanting to get hold of the throat of anybody who tries to live, to live beyond money, and squeeze the life out. There's a bad time coming. There's a bad time coming, boys, there's a bad time coming! If things go on as they are, there's nothing lies in the future but death and destruction, for these industrial masses. I feel my inside turn to water sometimes, and there you are, going to have a child by me. But never mind. All the bad times that ever have been, haven't been able to blow the crocus out: not even the love of women. So they won't be able to blow out my wanting you, nor the little glow there is between you and me. We'll be together next year. And though I'm frightened, I believe in your being with me. A man has to fend and fettle for the best, and then trust in something beyond himself. You can't insure against the future, except by really believing in the best bit of you, and in the power beyond it. So I believe in the little flame between us. For me now, it's the only thing in the world. I've got no friends, not inward friends. Only you. And now the little flame is all I care about in my life. There's the baby, but that is a side issue. It's my Pentecost, the forked flame between me and you. The old Pentecost isn't quite right. Me and God is a bit uppish, somehow. But the little forked flame between me and you: there you are! That's what I abide by, and will abide by, Cliffords and Berthas, colliery companies and governments and the moneymass of people all notwithstanding. 想必你早已厌倦了世事的丑态。可我不愿喋喋不休地唠叨自己的事,再说也没有什么值得提及。我不愿对你朝思暮想,因为那只会让彼此更加烦忧。但我现在生存的意义就是希望能与你长相厮守,这一点毋庸置疑。说实话,我真的心怀畏惧。我感觉恶魔就在空中盘旋,随时都可能将你我攫住。或许作怪的并非恶魔,而只是贪欲,在我看来,只是人类追逐金钱、憎恶生命的群体意识在起作用。不知怎的,我总感觉空中有无数贪婪煞白的魔爪,想要扼住人们的喉咙,夺去他们的生命,而受害者则是那些热爱生活、渴望摆脱金钱束缚的人。厄运即将降临。厄运即将降临,小伙子们,厄运即将降临!长此以往,等待工业大众的,就只有死亡与毁灭。有时,我感觉自己的内心都在流泪,而你却甘愿为我诞下后代。不过没关系。过往的种种厄运都未能让灿烂的心灵之花凋零,更不会让女子的爱情之花衰败。因此,我心中对你的渴望不会泯灭,你我小小的爱情之光将会长明。来年我们便会重逢。虽然我心怀畏惧,但却始终坚信,你我将长相厮守,永不分离。男人必须经过独自打拼、追求完美的过程,才能相信有力所未逮的事情。必须真正坚信自己最佳的才智与潜在的天赋,才能给未来加上砝码。而我更对你我之间的爱火充满信心。对我而言,你我的爱是世间唯一有意义的事情。我没有朋友,没有心心相映的知己。有的只有你。如今,你我的爱情是我生命中唯一在乎的事情。孩子将会出生,但那只是爱情的副产品。你我之间熊熊的爱情火焰,对我而言无异于圣灵降临。旧日的圣灵降临已经不合时宜。我即是上帝,这种信念的确有些自傲。但你我之间熊熊的爱火,便是彼此最为珍视的东西!无论现在或者将来,我都会对爱情忠贞不渝,管他克利福德还是贝莎,煤场,政府还是满脑袋金钱的百姓,我都不会放在心上。 That's why I don't like to start thinking about you actually. It only tortures me, and does you no good. I don't want you to be away from me. But if I start fretting it wastes something. Patience, always patience. This is my fortieth winter. And I can't help all the winters that have been. But this winter I'll stick to my little Pentecost flame, and have some peace. And I won't let the breath of people blow it out. I believe in a higher mystery, that doesn't let even the crocus be blown out. And if you're in Scotland and I'm in the Midlands, and I can't put my arms round you, and wrap my legs round you, yet I've got something of you. My soul softly Naps in the little Pentecost flame with you, like the peace of fucking. We fucked a flame into being. Even the flowers are fucked into being between the sun and the earth. But it's a delicate thing, and takes patience and the long pause. 而这正是我不愿对你魂牵梦绕的原因。那只会让我痛苦不堪,对你也毫无裨益。我不想与你天各一方。但若我因此开始焦虑,那也只是徒劳。忍耐,坚定不移地忍耐。我已经迎来生命中的第40个冬天。以往的冬季都在蹉跎中度过。但这个冬天,我会坚守着这股圣灵降临的小小火焰,享受着内心的寂静。我不会任由世人的鼻息将它吹灭。我相信更高的神秘存在,它能庇佑心灵之花安然无恙。即便你远在苏格兰,而我却留在英格兰中部,无法将你拥在怀里,无法把你绕在腿间,但你却永驻于我心间。在圣灵降临的小小火焰中,我的灵魂与你温柔共憩,享受着堪比性爱的平和。我们的性爱赋予爱火以生命。而太阳与大地的交合则孕育出千娇百媚的花朵。但这恰巧是件微妙的事情,需要耐心及长久的等待。 So I love chastity now, because it is the peace that comes of fucking. I love being chaste now. I love it as snowdrops love the snow. I love this chastity, which is the pause of peace of our fucking, between us now like a snowdrop of forked white fire. And when the real spring comes, when the drawing together comes, then we can fuck the little flame brilliant and yellow, brilliant. But not now, not yet! Now is the time to be chaste, it is so good to be chaste, like a river of cool water in my soul. I love the chastity now that it flows between us. It is like fresh water and rain. How can men want wearisomely to philander. What a misery to be like Don Juan, and impotent ever to fuck oneself into peace, and the little flame alight, impotent and unable to be chaste in the cool betweenwhiles, as by a river. 如今,我已习惯禁欲,因为那是性爱的激情散去后,留驻在心间的平静。如今的我乐得坚守忠贞。我对它的喜爱,堪比雪花对雪的依恋。我对忠贞充满爱意,这是我们性爱间歇期的平和状态,就像你我之间永不熄灭的纯洁爱火,如同雪花那般娇艳。当春意洒遍大地,当你我得以重聚,我们便可再度享受到性爱的乐趣,将这小小的爱火燃得更加光辉灿烂。可现在还不是时候,春天还没有到来!现在是守贞的时刻,能够享受短暂的禁欲时光实在美妙,就像清凉的河水流过我的心田。我热爱贞洁,它如今就流淌于你我之间。就如同淡水与雨水。男人玩弄女性的行径多么丑陋。像唐璜(注:西班牙传奇中的浪荡子)那样实在可悲,无法在性爱过后,安享心灵的寂静;无法在体验过熊熊爱火之后,品味守贞的清凉余暇,就像停驻在水流湍急的河边。 Well, so many words, because I can't touch you. If I could sleep with my arms round you, the ink could stay in the bottle. We could be chaste together just as we can fuck together. But we have to be separate for a while, and I suppose it is really the wiser way. If only one were sure. 哦,不觉已是滔滔千言,只因我无法触碰到你。如果我能够拥你在怀,同入梦乡,墨水就可以安然留在瓶中。我们能够共守贞洁,就如同我们能够共享性爱一般。但我们不得不暂时分别,而这似乎也是更明智的选择。只要彼此能够坚守信念。 Never mind, never mind, we won't get worked up. We really trust in the little flame, and in the unnamed god that shields it from being blown out. There's so much of you here with me, really, that it's a pity you aren't all here. 没关系,没关系,我们都不必烦忧。只要坚信那小小的爱火能得到那无名神祗的庇佑而永不熄灭。我的心中总能幻化出无数你的影像,但在现实世界,你却不在我的身边,这实在是件憾事。 Never mind about Sir Clifford. If you don't hear anything from him, never mind. He can't really do anything to you. Wait, he will want to get rid of you at last, to cast you out. And if he doesn't, we'll manage to keep clear of him. But he will. In the end he will want to spew you out as the abominable thing. 不用在意克利福德爵士。如果你并未听闻他的消息,那就无需着急。他并不会伤害于你。耐心等待,他终要将你摆脱,把你抛弃。如果他不那样做,我们也有办法远离他的纠缠。但他会想清楚的。最终,他会把你从脏腑中吐出,像摆脱某种可恶的东西。 Now I can't even leave off writing to you. 现在,我甚至已经写到无法停笔。 But a great deal of us is together, and we can but abide by it, and steer our courses to meet soon. John Thomas says goodnight to Lady Jane, a little droopingly, but with a hopeful heart. 但我们的心始终连在一起,只要坚持到底,彼此命运的航路便会很快再度交汇。约翰·托马斯跟简夫人道晚安,虽然他有点情绪低落地垂着头,但心中却满怀希望。 ---------------------------用户上传之内容结束-------------------------------- 声明:本书为八零电子书(txt80.com)的用户上传至其在本站的存储空间,本站只提供TXT全集电子书存储服务以及免费下载服务,以上作品内容之版权与本站无任何关系。